It feels like I’m losing my friend
Teens often feel like they’re losing friends when they change schools.
QUESTION
Hi,
I am a 17-year-old male and feel like I am losing my best friend who is the same age and also a male. We were in the same class for two years during lower secondary and used to Whatspp each other everyday, talking about all kinds of stuff, like school, works, tips for exams, etc. However, during our upper secondary, we were in different classes for two years. My best friend and I were still good for the third year. We spoke about problems we faced in our respective classes and encouraged each other.
During our fourth year, things began to change. My best friend became closer to his class and he started to become good friends with someone else from his class. It was still all right until an incident happened. I started to fight with a few guys from his class as they had been calling me names and stuff. After this incident, my best friend and I chatted less and less until the point where we didn’t even talk to each other for two weeks.
As the year went by, we had even less contact and I was sad about it because I don’t have many friends. This guy is my closest friend and I trust him the most.
I really want to know what went wrong because I really miss talking. Now that we are in different colleges, I am scared our friendship will drift apart. I am scared to ask him about this issue and don’t know what to do. We play online games together with a few other guys and we are like a clique but I’m still closest with him. When we play we will Skype but when we aren’t playing, we don’t even talk which led me into thinking if we didn’t play, would we ever talk to each other?
Signed, Guy
ANSWER
Dear Guy,
Maintaining the same level of intensity with a best friend you no longer see as frequently as when you shared classes is nearly impossible, although that doesn’t mean you’re any less special to your best friend. However, I can understand why you might feel insecure about this relationship.
Much of the interaction between friends comes from convenience: studying for a test, grabbing something to eat after class or going to a movie you talked about during lunch. Now, you and your best friend have to work harder to carve out time to spend together, especially if you are attending different colleges.
Why don’t you make plans to hang out with him on the weekend, just the two of you? Keep things fun and easy, the way you always were. Then you can suggest hanging out more often.
If your friend isn’t receptive, or wants to include others, be open to this as his way of including you with his other friends. Relationships change, particularly during the teen years when school obligations often shape social lives.
One other thought: This poses an opportunity for you to expand your real time friends and start looking at your classmates as potential friends or acquaintances. I’m not suggesting replacing your best friend, just expanding your social circle.
Most friendships start as acquaintances, and every friendship doesn’t have to be someone with whom you share your secrets and problems. Having pals with diverse interests besides gaming might help you feel less stressed about your best friend, too.
Good luck with your friend.
Signed, *Amy Feld
*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.
Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.
Category: KEEPING FRIENDS
