Feeling depressed and uneasy with friends
If you feel depressed and uneasy with friends, you need to address the depression first.
QUESTION
Hello Irene,
I have been having troubles with my friends. They have started drinking outside which isn’t my cup of tea. I’m not against drinking but I’d rather it be in a safe environment. They are also hanging out with people who take drugs, and that makes me very uneasy.
My friends know this and now I feel as though they don’t want to ask me out anymore even if they aren’t going out to drink. I’m talking to one of my friends about my feelings and she is trying to reassure me that they don’t hate me and that I just have to ask them when they are going out but they hardly ever reply.
I’m starting to feel very lonely and isolated and crying for hours. I have been reading up on depression and I’m not sure if I have it or not. I can have days where I’m feeling fine and happy but other days where I just sit and cry. On these days I feel worthless like I shouldn’t be on earth and sometimes I just want to die in my sleep.
I’m too scared to kill myself and I know it would affect my family. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I just want my friends to include me and ask me out to do things but I just feel so alone.
Please help.
Signed, Anonymous
ANSWER
Dear Anonymous,
People who are depressed aren’t necessarily depressed every single day or every moment of the day and yes, you describe some of the symptoms associated with depression.
See from the National Institute of Mental Health: Depression: What You Need to Know
You are showing good judgment to be wary of placing yourself in social situations or associating with people that make you feel uncomfortable or who may in any way jeopardize your safety or well-being.
As young people grow and mature in different ways, it’s common to feel out-of-sync with friends. Perhaps, you have different interests and values than some of the people in this group.
But if you are feeling worthless and sad, it’s tough to be “up,” even with friends with whom you would otherwise feel comfortable. Perhaps, some of your friends sense your sadness and are reluctant to get together for that reason.
Given that you have had thoughts of suicide, I would strongly urge you to seek professional help. Your family or someone at school or your workplace may be able to suggest a therapist or clinic where you can go to be evaluated. Depression is a no-fault, treatable illness.
There are also free and confidential counseling services available by phone and text that can help you:
- A free 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) is available to people in crisis (or their loved ones) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are routed to local crisis centers.
- In the UK or Ireland, Samaritans offers confidential support at 08457 90 90 90.
- If you prefer texting, Crisis Text Line is a free, 24/7 emotional support for those in crisis. Founded by DoSomething.org contributors, this 24-hour texting hotline provides real-time emotional support for young adults. The program is designed to be a safe outlet for anyone to reach out to when they’re struggling with a mental health issue, whether it’s feeling depressed, bullied or anxious. The service is run by crisis counselors and is completely confidential and free of charge. To reach the helpline, text START to 741741.
I hope this response will be helpful to you or any other readers who are feeling this way.
My best, Irene
Category: KEEPING FRIENDS
Thank you to everyone who has replied. It makes me feel amazing that people care. A few days ago I actually gathered up the courage to tell my mum I thought I was depressed and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I’m proud that I got it off my chest. My friends have been talking to me and the friend that I have been telling about my feelings she has said that they’ve started to tone down their drinking habits.
There are two reason to believe this. They were caught by police a few weeks ago and giving warnings (it could’ve been a lot worse) and secondly, one girl that is coming back to our group Rebecca has found out that she damaged her liver and pancreas. Rebecca use to do drugs, smoke and drink all the time so we really didn’t talk to her but now she has quit all three I’m willing to be civil and chat. I think this news of how she has damaged her body might have made my friends realise something but who knows.
Back to what my mum said, I think she was scared that I said depression and first made excuses but now she is going to make an appointment with my local Doctor and get me checked. Again thank you to everyone who replied and even though I can’t see you I’m giving all of you hugs. Thank you and if you are interested I’ll be sure to tell you what happens at the doctors.
I agree with both replies above and if help is needed, reach out wth your family, school or church. . Sometimes we need to change our friends in life, maybe you need a new group of friends who are in line with your thinking and values. I see a person who is feeling badly, but believe it or not you are In touch with your feelings which I find very admirable. . Friends change especially in younger years, sometimes not for the better. Maybe try on some new things that bring you happiness. Wishing you the best.
Please heed Irene’s advice and reach out for support. You might think you’ll never feel better than you do right now, it’s hard to believe you’ll feel brightness again. Please believe me when I tell you things are not hopeless. You can and will feel happier one day. Depression is a treatable medical illness. Sometimes it comes back, but it is treatable. If one form of therapy and/or medication doesn’t work, keep trying because there are dozens of different treatments that work differently for everyone. Crying all the time and feeling suicidal is not a permanent situation, even if it feels that way.