In the Media – Time to Downsize Your Friends? (The Telegraph)

Published: July 18, 2016 | Last Updated: July 20, 2016 By | 7 Replies Continue Reading

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The Telegraph (screenshot)

The Telegraph (screenshot)

July 17, 2016

Writing for the UK Telegraph, Louisa Pritchard asks: Is it time to downsize your friends? 

The journalist notes the popularity of author and decluttering guru, Marie Kondo. Consistent with everyone simplifying so many different aspect of their lives, she suggests that it may be prudent to weed out friends that we no longer love.

She quotes psychologist Susan Quilliam:

‘Downsizing your friendship group in a grown-up way – not doing it viciously or taking it personally – can be beneficial.’

Pritchard notes that divesting yourself of friends that no longer fit into your life isn’t easy but after it’s done, you’re likely to feel a sense of relief. It allowed Pritchard more time for more friendships that were more satisfying.

She also quotes Dr. Levine:

‘Good friendships are essential to our physical and emotional well-being,’ says Irene S Levine, professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine, and creator of thefriendshipblog.com. ‘But toxic friendships have been shown to be stressful, having a negative impact on our health.’

Pritchard ends the article with some practical tips for “defriending well.”

Click here to read the Telegraph article in its entirety.

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Category: IN THE MEDIA

Comments (7)

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  1. Hild says:

    It is ok to be faded away as a friend, as long as she doesn’t come back after 9 months and ask for a favor.

  2. Mary says:

    I wish I could “slow fade” certain toxic family members. Sigh.

  3. Sierra says:

    Its not always a good idea to request a goodbye meeting, not if you are going to let the friendship go. Some people dont take things well or have indicated they are happy with who and how they are and if they make you unhappy there is no point in continuing. A slow fade is best in this situation. I think a sit down meeting is really for people looking for a last hope to fix things,but unless this is your goal then there is no point to sitting someone down and telling the goodbye or what you dont like about them.

  4. clay says:

    I prefer the the “slow fade” also

  5. Lauren B says:

    I appreciate this article, and want to thank you for posting. As I age, I’ve been feeling bogged down by a couple of friendships that I’ve felt obligated to continue out of “loyalty” but no longer enjoy. My only problem with this article is that I don’t agree that you must always “break up” formally with a friend, or come up with a kind explanation of why you don’t want to be friends anymore.

    Call me a coward, but I am a big believer in the “slow fade” when it comes to ending friendships. I think drifting apart is kinder and less arrogant than sitting down and telling the friend why you don’t care for them anymore, or what they’ve done to lose favor.

    Sometimes, the bad behavior is subjective, or not always in the friend’s control. Sometimes your own circumstances change and your friend remains stuck. To sit down and tell her/him that you just don’t care for them anymore, or list the faults that bother you, seems to me more cruel than simply drifting away or being “too busy” to get together. Of course, there are exceptions. But generally, I prefer to do the slow fade (not as extreme as “ghosting”), especially if I know I will possibly want to see them again in the future or simply loosen the tight grip of the relationship.

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