• Resolving Problems

I don’t trust my friend

Published: March 19, 2014 | Last Updated: March 19, 2014 By | 3 Replies Continue Reading
A 13-year-old worries that she likes her friend but doesn’t really trust her.



I’m 13. I just want an advice. I have a friend who is really awesome and I love her. I don’t talk to her very much but she’s really nice.

We share stuff but suddenly and I don’t know why, I feel like I don’t want to trust her—even though we didn’t fight or anything.

We’re just good, really good friends and I don’t want that trust to go. I WANT to trust her but I feel like I can’t. I even talked to her about it. I’m confused. Please, can you help/ give me an advice?

Signed, Maya


Dear Maya,

It’s nice that you have a good friend whose company you enjoy. Sometimes it’s hard to trust a friend even though you can’t quite figure out why. Maybe it’s something she said or did, even something quite minor, that gave you reason to feel uncomfortable.

You need to trust your instincts that you are reacting to something—even if you can’t put your finger on exactly what it is. Since your conversation didn’t resolve the problem, you may need to simply give your relationship more time to slowly build trust between you and your friend.

Hope this helps.

Best, Irene

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Comments (3)

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  1. Amy F says:

    Knowing who to trust and who not to trust can be really scary. Have you noticed a problem with trusting other friends, or are your feelings unique to this one girl?
    Sometimes trust isn’t about the other person, but about us. Will I be ok if I trust this person and she hurts me? Can I handle trusting the wrong person? What will happen to me if I trust and get hurt?
    I’m careful about who I trust. If a friend talks about other people or shares their secrets, I don’t tell her my private thoughts, because she has a pattern of talking behind people’s backs.
    Irene is right about trusting your instincts. Sometimes, though, we have to take a risk. When I was younger I didn’t trust anyone with anything, and people felt like they couldn’t get close to me. I had to learn to open up, even if it was scary. I made a few mistakes trusting the wrong people, and that hurt, but I survived and learned from it.
    I hope your friend turns out to be worthy of your trust. Good luck.

    • Anonymous says:

      Amy, your advice gave me an insight to a problem I’m currently having with a friend. I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t trust my friend. Now that I think about it, she has shared my private thoughts with other friends who I’m not even close to. I couldn’t figure out how these friends know details about me and it was her all along. Double-crosser come to my mind and it’s unfortunate. I now know not to trust her. Thanks for the advice.

    • Anna AV says:

      Amy’s got a point, but I think that if a friend tells everyone your personal information she can’t be a really good friend. You have to explain your friend your situation and try to solve it. If you can’t do it you should give your relationship more time to slowly build trust between you and your friend (like Irene says) or you should stop being friends. I hope my comment helps you Maya. Good luck!

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