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Disappointed by a best friend

Published: February 27, 2015 | By | 8 Replies Continue Reading
A teen is disappointed when her best friend ditches her as a roommate on an upcoming class trip.



This year our school is taking a trip to Washington D.C. My best friend and I planned on sharing a room together and now she is backing out to go with a more popular group.

She has but me in an awkward position where she doesn’t want me to be mad, but how can I not be upset? I don’t know what to do now because everyone already has roommates. What should I do?

Signed, Jordan


Hi Jordan,

You must be hurt and disappointed that your friend backed out of her commitment to you. Her behavior was unkind and you have a right to your feelings, whatever they are, including anger.

Feeling mad is an appropriate reaction to the situation and your level of anger seems balanced and mature. You haven’t cut her off or given her ultimatums but you recognize she’s wrong and aren’t accepting the blame for being upset. You could give lessons to a lot of adults.

I hope you go to D.C. and have a wonderful time. Be open to whatever roommate you are assigned and to having a good time with her.

Going forward you might want to reevaluate whether your best friend deserves the adjective “best,” but I suspect you already realize that. I’m not sure she realizes what she’s lost in terms of integrity and respect.

Hold your head high and enjoy your trip!

Signed, *Amy Feld

*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.

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Category: Disappointing friends, OTHER ADVICE, Teen friendships

Comments (8)

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  1. Carolina oerez says:

    I live with this 88 years old from about 3 years when I move with him he told me he will buy a house for me even make me search the internet so I can find a house in El Salvador and in Connecticut.
    But when my partner moved in with us he changed his mind
    Instead he just bought a house to his grandoougther.
    He the told me will give me $70,000 dollars towards the deposit for the house then again changed his mind and deposit $50,0000
    I feel so disappointed I don’t know how to approach him I feel betrayed and frustrated.
    I do feel he has mentality abused me and hurt my feelings

  2. Susan M. says:

    Believe it or not, this sort of thing can and does happen, no matter how old a person is! Even if you had done something to upset your friend, it was absolutely too late for her to have this choice. However, this is what has happened. If there is no one left for you to share a room with, speak to your teacher or another adult involved with the trip, about your options. I have seen cots moved into hotel rooms, etc., so you never know. Once you are in route to the capitol city, enjoy yourself with everyone else! If you join in the spirit of things, you may be quite surprised at the new connections with others that start to develop. I don’t mean this in a mean way, but so will your “best friend.” Have a splendid time, and know that many of us who read your letter have experienced something like this! Have a blast!

  3. desaree says:

    Hi! I need some help.. At school I feel like some group of girls are trying to steal my best friend. I try to ignore them and be more closer to my best friend but it won’t work!! I tried telling my best friend if she like the group of girls more then me… I tried doing everything I can do!! PLEASE HELP YOU GUYS ARE MY LAST CHANCE!!!

    • Lauren says:

      Hello Desaree,
      I’m sorry to hear that this is happening to you, but that’s the way it rolls sometimes. It’s sad and it’s hurtful. All you can really do, Desaree, is be a good friend to you best friend, but don’t overwhelm her with texts, messages or even with in person talks to plead with her to be your friend. That might even drive her further away. Just be a good friend, and if that doesn’t work, then hold your head up and be strong and brave. If your friend drops you, then in time you will find other friends who will be kinder and more loyal to you. I wish you all the best.

  4. LaTrice says:

    It seems that your best friend doesn’t care about your feelings-despite the fact that she had agreed with you to be your roommate, while the two of you are travelling to Washington D.C. I don’t blame you for being angry towards her, and I think it’s best that you need re-evaluate your friendship with her.

    Your best friend doesn’t deserve to be your best friend, and if she really cared about you, she wouldn’t want to switch roommates with the “popular” students. Even though she’s saying that she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, she’s already doing that.

  5. Tracy says:

    I agree with the advice you’ve been given. If there’s one thing I wish I had learned earlier, it’s that people will let me down as part of life, but I can choose my response to that. I’m sure you are angry and hurt- who wouldn’t be? But I suspect that you will move through this with dignity and enjoy the trip with whoever wants to be around you. Don’t spend the trip watching that girl. She has been selfish and you deserve to spend your time with positive people who affirm you.

    • JAM says:

      Agreed!! Let it go, let it go, let it go. YOU decide if you feel comfortable going on the trip. If you find that you really don’t want to go with this particular person close by in your group, ask your parents for another opportunity, or perhaps to go when you are older and more independent. Either ways is TOTALLY up to you and good!!!


  6. Carol says:

    I am sorry your “best” friend let you down. Particularly when you most likely were so excited to spend a very special time going to D.C. with her by your side. The hardest thing in life for some of us is to understand and accept that we can’t control anyone else but what’s inside of us. Amy’s advice to go on the trip and see the wonders of D.C. where I once lived many years ago. It’s the most wonderful city where you will do and see all it’s magnificance. Don’t allow another’s decision to keep you from this wonderful opportunity. Respect your feelings as they will guide you to know this friendship may or may not have changed. It’s one thing in life you know well…change. Go! Have fun!


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