• Keeping Friends

In the Media – Dealing with a flaky friend (Refinery 29)

April 2, 2016 | By | 1 Reply Continue Reading
Refinery 29

Refinery 29

Refinery29 (screenshot)

Refinery29 (screenshot)

Do you have flaky friend? Many of us do and it’s more common than you might think. In an article on Refinery 29, writer Caroline Corcoran raises the question of whether “Is it time we banished the flaky friend?

She writes about her own experience and why it’s hard to let go:

This is life with the flaky friend; the one who neglects us over and over, and makes it clear by their behaviour that they are far busier and more important than us. And yet, we stick with them.

Because every now and again they throw us a morsel: the kind of night out which is still being talked about a year later, a supportive chat when things are rubbish, or a genuinely thoughtful present.

Something which reminds us why we are friends with them in the first place, which is usually because we love hanging out with them above almost anyone else. Which only makes their flakiness more annoying.

Corcoran interviewed Dr. Levine:

“There may be characteristics which are offset by others,” says Levine. “Someone that’s flaky can also be exciting to be with for example and unlike a romantic partner you don’t need a friend to fulfil all of your needs, you can surround yourself with multiple friends who all give you something different. But in the end, you need to weigh up how much her behaviour negatively affects you – and how much it detracts from the relationship.”

We could, as Levine suggests, ‘dilute’ the friendship; spend less time with our flaky friends, see them only in a group – and that might be one way to keep them in our lives. But in the end we need to decide whether the relationship is doing us any real favours.

Cick here to read the Refinery29 article in its entirety. This post was also on Yahoo UK.

Do you have a flaky friend you can’t seem to let go of? What keeps you tied?

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  1. Amy F says:

    I’m not ins for banishing or cutting off friendships, but I do believe in placing them in the appropriate place in a hierarchy of importance. As you say, not every friend fills every need or be of equal importance. When winds blow both of us in the same direction at the same time, catching up can be loads of fun, but I’m not going to count on a flaky friend to fill my social needs. With one friend in particular, appreciate our histories and keep my expectations realistic, accepting her for who she is and what she has to bring to the table at this point in her life.

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