• Keeping Friends

In the Media – Cleo Magazine: Are you too UNPICKY with your friends?

Published: July 23, 2010 | Last Updated: December 13, 2016 By | 8 Replies Continue Reading

I was recently interviewed by Nicole Elphick, a writer with Cleo, an Australian fashion and beauty magazine.

Her article Are You Too Unpicky With Your Friends?, in the August edition, raises the question of whether women aren’t picky enough in choosing their friends. In the age of Facebook, this issue is really at the forefront because technology has thrown the definition of what is and what isn’t “a friend” into question.

In the article, I comment that “Because our society tends to judge women on their ability to make and keep friends, many women collect pals just as they might collect perfume bottles or heirloom jewelry.”

Take a look at the article (see link above) and think about your own friendships. Do they meet the bar you’ve set for yourself? Have you collected friends that drain you emotionally? Is it time to let go?

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Comments (8)

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  1. Irene says:

    Given what’s happened, the only thing you might do is send her a note or card saying that you are sorry this happened the way it did.

    This leaves the ball in her court. I doubt she’ll come back with an explanation for her behavior but maybe it will make you both feel better.





  2. Anonymous says:

    I wanted to reach out to her because I am confused why she has treated me this way. I don’t want to air any frustrations, enough has been said. I see her alot in our local community and it’s awkward, I hate not speaking to her. I still miss her but am realistic about it never being the same again. I don’t think she is a victim of DV but I know her husband is controlling. He has said some very spiteful things about my whole family, even my 10 year old who is not at all involved. I just wanted to say I’m sorry it all ended this way and I had hoped for a reconciliation and it was never my intention for such hostility. I’m not sure if she wants the same, wouldn’t she say so if she did ?

  3. Irene says:

    Do you know why you want to reach out to this ex-friend?

    Do you simply want to air your frustration?

    Do you have concerns about whether she is a victim of domestic violence?

    Do you have hopes of reconciliation?


    Thinking about these questions may help you decide on a course of action.



  4. Anonymous says:

    I am very sad it has been left this way, I really want to reach out to her and express how disappointed it ended on such a poor note. How can I do this when we are not even acknowledging each others existence? I know she is highly embarrassed that her husband was drunk and abusive and also violent (my husband and I were no violent – her husband hit mine but mine works in the forces so had to restrain himself) but also that she blames me for starting it by reacting when they did not offer me a drink. I was frustrated because I have been on the receiving end of the silent treatment for months.

  5. Irene says:

    Gosh, sounds like a miserable end that would be nearly impossible to erase. I hope that you can be civil to one another—-for the sake of those around you.




  6. Anonymous says:

    My BFF had a break up over a period of about 1 year, she was very ambivalent about us being friends and said she missed me but her husban talked her out of the friendship as it were. We have to bump into each other at social occassions, school, football etc and at I spnt 1 year with my friends ambivalence 1 week speaking the next not. I always wanted to work at civility for the sake of our kids who are BF’s. However on one occassion her husband snubbed me offering drinks to everyone at the social occassion except me – I snapped and had a go at them. My friend decided she wanted to give it anoter go but later he became obnoxious and insulting and our families had a massive fall out (fuelled by drink I add). Now at any meetings which are quite a few, school, football events for our kids we, that is me and my once BFF now refuse to even acknowledge one another. Isn’t it so sad how things can transpire. Two years ago we were sharing our deepest thoughts now we don’t even acknowledge the others existence. Sometimes if you invest alot you lose alot. If we hadn’t got so close we’d probably be speaking today. So so sad. I never wanted it to finish this way. I still miss her chats but there is no going back, but it’s still sad.

  7. Irene says:

    Thanks for your visit and thoughtful comments!
    I’d love to hear any other thoughts you have about the cultural differences.

    In fact, anyone is welcome to chime in. 


  8. Andree says:


    Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day; I came to visit here and realized that friendship is not a subject I think about too often in some of the ways you present it here.

    Personally, as we move around a lot, it’s hard to make friendships (acquaintances, but not friends) — true friendship takes time.

    Another aspect I deal with is being basically American, but living in European cultures — there are definitely differences and not only the language. It all comes down to culture.

    Very interesting – i’ll be back!

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