• Keeping Friends

Choosing one over another

Published: March 1, 2009 | Last Updated: December 13, 2016 By | 3 Replies Continue Reading

There are many times when girlfriends have to choose one friend over another (for example, you can only have one maid-of-honor)—and decisions like this aren’t always easy.

Read Andrea Boyarsky’s article in the Staten Island Advance, Delivering the Big Hurt, where she asks me and some other experts to weigh in on the issue…

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  1. Anonymous says:

    My former BFF and I talked many times about our dream weddings together. I would be her Maid of Honor and she would be mine and sing in mine too. I already had the song picked out. Well, she got engaged before I did (mind you it was her 2nd marriage). When he popped the question, my former BFF called me first to tell me the news. That was on Christmas day when she was surrounded by her family so that’s why she didn’t tell them first because they were there. A day later she already had her wedding gown picked out and a pretty good sketch in her head of how she wanted to plan everything out to her liking. I was thrilled to help her in anyway I could. Then at the end of January she dropped the bomb on me, in front of her mother for emotional support. My former BFF had already formally asked her brother’s 17 year old girlfriend to be her MOH. Mind you, my former BFF and I were 23 at the time. I was flabbergasted! “What? Why did you pick her over me? I thought we were going to be each other’s MOH?”. My former BFF said that she had promised the girl 5 years ago. (The girl was also their neighbor.) Then my former BFF’s mother jumps in and says that we don’t need to discuss such things and for me to just shut up about it already. Turned out the mother had orchestrated the whole thing, thinking, for sure, that her son would marry this 17 year old girl and it would in turn be my BFF’s future sister-in-law standing by her during her nuptuals. This killed me on the inside. It really let me know where I stood with my BFF and her mother for that matter. So, a 17 year old girl got to throw my BFF’s wedding shower and handle her other MOH duties. I didn’t give my former BFF anymore grief after she first dropped the bomb on me, and I put on a happy face and helped where I could. Then a year later the future sister-in-law turned into my former BFF’s brother’s EX-girlfriend & she was out of the picture. I really didn’t care anymore and my former BFF’s 2nd marriage only lasted 2 months! She was with a new fiance, as well, a year later and decided to just to go the courthouse for this one. That’s about the time our friendship was murdered by jealousy and resentment and during our final fight one thing my former BFF brought up was that I never apologized to her for making her feel bad for not picking me as her MOH. Sad thing is that I DID apologize, THE SAME DAY! So it got twisted around on me at the end. Here I was having been told I was her BFF and would be her MOH in her wedding and then when it happened she totally blew me off and chose a child over me! Best bet….don’t use friends as MOH, use a family member instead. It really is a good rule of thumb. A year after my former BFF and I broke up, my sister was my MOH, which is great because I still talk to my sister and probably always will. – Also, I would like to add that the 17 year old girl grew up and had a wedding of her own not too long ago. Guess who wasn’t her MOH??? That’s right, my former BFF. Hmmmm…….

  2. Anonymous says:

    I don’t think it matters how many maid’s of honor there are, I wouldn’t feel bad that she added one. Today’s wedding are so custom made these days that you can do about anything you want. I wouldn’t take it personal. I would back away and let the bride come to you…You have offer to help now it’s up to her. As for you not being sure if you want to be a maid of honor, you need to decide and if you decide you don’t want to do it then tell her so, as soon as possible. You don’t want to look back at this later with regret. Be honest with her it might be a little awkward but in the long run it will be better. If you are feeling uncomfortable with things now something isn’t quite right. Go with your gut feeling. I hope everything works out for you…

  3. lally!!!!!!!! says:

    someone please put me right and tell me if i am being over sensitive or not.
    ive known my friend for nearly 6yrs now. friend through marriage i hasned to add, but even so, we have been getting on well for the past year and she asked me to matron of honour for her. this being that i am older than her, and i organised and did my whole wedding myself. i was pleased she asked me and said i would be delighted to. she said she was only having me as head, and 2other bridesmaids. then i found out that she was having another bridesmaid which at the time was fine untill we were all at her house discussing a few things. we were sar talking and she said she didnt understand the maid of honour thing, but that me and the other girl she asked were both being maid of honours because we were both married. is this true, should she not just choose one. i felt hurt, because she knew i was taking her wedding serious and wanted the best for her in everyway. the other maid of honour said to me that yes because she is married that she is maid of honour to. i dont know wether this girl made the brides mind up for her and say she has to have 2, because she is married, but just feel that my genuine kindness has been and commitment to being asked has been taken for a ride because the bride had talked to her bout this before we all got together, and i that i feel they have been talking behind my back and that they were all looking at me at her house when this was being annouced, is if to say well were all here now and its been said, so sorry that if you thought you were only the one maid of honour, but your not, and i feel daft because of things ive said to the bride to be, on that i will help her in everyway possible, and anytime she wants help etc to ask me. i feel like i dont want to do it. i felt speacial she had asked me, but now theres 2 of us, i am not sure.

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