• Keeping Friends

Chatelaine Magazine discusses the Myth of the BFF

Published: December 26, 2009 | Last Updated: April 2, 2016 By | 2 Replies Continue Reading

For my Canadian friends and readers especially:


An excellent article by Kate Fillion in the January 2010 issue of Chatelaine describes the reasons why your once-BFF can suddenly leave your life.


You can read the Chatelaine article in its entirety here.



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  1. Ashley says:

    Wow. I can definitely relate to this story. I had the same exact thing happen to me and not only did my so called “best friend” hurt me once or twice, but she’s hurt me many of times.Just to summarize it all, because there are really a lot of stories. The last big time that she hurt me, I had let her go. And then she came running back to me after six months after her boyfriend cheated on her more than once. Me being who I am still gave her one more last chance. She had called me in June. For 5 months if I wasnt fooled everything was amazing!This girl was like my other half. Almost like a soulmate but in a really deep friendship way. It hit October and things went downhill. She went back to the same guy who cheated on her. Didnt even find out from her but had to find out from him when he picked up her phone rudely when i called one day. Not to mention that he is also emotional abusive and all of her bad qualities came back. I would describe her as a narcissist as well. She promised me a lot. Promised me that she would never let a guy come in between our friendship again. But, she betrayed me. And as painful as it was to have to let go, I feel relieved. I was so stressed with her. Like you said, it was almost like I was in a codependent relationship with her. And unless someone has really experienced a similar situation, everyone else that I had talked to besides the one or two people that i talked to that actually did understand what i was going through, noone else understood! Noone understood why it has been so hard for me to let her go. But it just isnt that easy.I think she was the first friend to ever really destroy my heart.

  2. Mitsy says:

    The birthday milestone reminds me of when I realized things were on the down side with the woman I referred to as my best friend. We had always gone out for dinner or lunch (just the 2 of us) for many years. My friend had a boyfriend for about 5-6 years & while I suspected he was getting more controlling, she became more & more moody & withdrawn in the months preceding my birthday in Sept. Because we are also co-workers, that made the relationship sometimes more difficult to navigate. The day of my b-day, we worked together that evening & since she had been hot/cold for weeks, she seemed in a decent mood that evening but only wished me a happy birthday that evening. She made no mention of taking me out for my b-day or doing anything later. I was furious but left without saying anything to her.

    In the weeks to come, she mentioned going to dinner but only when I had less to say to her as time went on. I finally told her to pick a night we both weren’t working. She said lunch might be better (of course that would work better for her boyfriend who didn’t want her to socialize with anyone outside of himself). About a MONTH after my b-day, she called me at my office job & scheduled lunch the following week for my b-day. I thought she was finally doing what I expected and would have appreciated more if she had handled it differently. Our lunch happened but it included 3-4 of her day co-workers (none of whom were really friends of mine). They all supposedly had b-days (in Sept. or Oct.? or does it matter?). She paid the bill for everyone’s lunch. It was nice that she paid for everyone’s but it was the thought (or lack of) that mattered for me. It had always just been the 2 of us & she’d never included anyone in the past & I never asked anyone to come along either. We talked about things that we didn’t share with just anyone and this new persona and hot/cold moods didn’t set well w/me.

    I saw replay over & over with her moods which always seemed to stem from her boyfriend’s behavior. He was succeeding in isolating her from her friends. I realize not only is she in a co-dependent relationship with her guy, but I’ve been in a co-dependent relationship w/her. It’s not always just dating relationships that co-dependency happens & it doesn’t have to involve substance abuse.

    Fast forward to today and her b-day is next month. We still work together & she’s much more even-tempered now. But, guess what? I have not called her since before the end of 2011. My New Year’s resolution was to quit giving to this dysfunctional friendship any longer. I will quietly ignore her birthday because I don’t want or need to spend time with her when my b-day rolls around again. I doubt that she will even notice to be honest….a narcissistic person is very self-absorbed. Maybe in time, I will no longer feel the sting from her allowing a man to divide our friendship but that is what has happened. She’s not a good person for me to be around (other than work which I can’t do anything about). There will be no closure discussions because I’m just letting it die out on its own.

    My gift to myself is to cultivate some new friendships that don’t take advantage or use my kindness to their benefit all the time. Looking back, this woman likely has no clue how to be a friend and she believes having a man in her life (even an abusive one) is better than having no man. We are so different from one another.

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