• Making Friends

Changing schools and changing friends

Published: June 17, 2014 | By | 5 Replies Continue Reading
Changing schools can affect friendships but things usually turns out better than expected.



Two years ago I changed schools because my parents thought it would be better for me education-wise. Of course, changing schools meant leaving my best friends (Friend A and Friend B) behind.

Both my best friends have now found new best friends and they are obviously really close (I can see over Instagram, etc.).

I am returning to the school I left this coming school year and am worried we won’t be friends anymore. One friend and I planned to hang out twice, but she ended up canceling both times.

Am I trying too hard to hangout with her? What should I expect this coming school year? What do I do?

Thanks, Nicole


Dear Nicole,

Changing schools can be stressful. I think going back to your old school will be easier than starting a new school, because you already know many of the kids and you have some friends at the school.

While your best friends may have found other best friends, that doesn’t mean that they aren’t thrilled to have you returning to school. Your friendships will be different after an absence, but you also might return to the level of closeness you shared before. I wish I had a crystal ball and could tell you what was going to happen, but so much depends on individual circumstances.

My advice is to keep contact with your old friends and classmates, friend them on social media to say you’re returning to school. I’d wait a few weeks or a month to see if you can make plans with your former best friend, and if you can’t, don’t take it personally or read too much into it. Try to befriend your friends’ new best friends, too, so that you’re being as inclusive as possible. Once you get to school seek out familiar faces, but also talk to new people. Participate in sports, clubs, or other activities to meet new people.

I think you’re going to have good social experiences going back to school, even if they aren’t exactly like they were before you switched schools.

Hope this helps.

Amy Feld*

*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.

**No information provided here or elsewhere on this blog is intended as medical advice. The blog focuses on everyday friendship problems.

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  1. Sara says:

    So when I was in grade 1&2&3 I was the shy girl but not wired so in grade 4 this girl was new and one day I ask her to come over and she came and after that day we came best friends but she was the kind of girl that if I say hi she will say hi I I don’t say hi she won’t you know and then she started to set with a another girl and I go after her and sit with them and she started not talking to me and then after a wild she started to talk to me and sit next to me and like that. But she started to talk to anther girl but all the girls that she talking to don’t like me at all like they don’t want to be friend with me but they want to be friends with her so she sit with her and never talk to me and ignore me and after a wild she come back to me and I was shy so I didn’t tell her anything so it’s Ben like this tell the end of 6th grade and she started to sit with this girl named Bethany and this girl is popular and have a lot of friends but she ok not mean or some thing but her friends are a little mean like 2 or 3 mean and the other are cool she started to ignore me and sit with them and now I have no friend and I can’t get over her cuz I still love her cuz she my best friend she was bitchy but still so help me to find new friends and get over her and know I’m in 8th grade so help me

    • jana says:

      so sarah i guess that u were true to both of them and that’s why you still love her after everything and you think that everybody has negative thoughts like you and everybody is innocent but no in reality some people are really mean and i think if she treated you like that u should stop thinking about her cause a friendship have a meaning when the two persons in it fight for it and not like that just from one side and the other one just doesnt care and ull not get to an end.

    • mcat says:

      hello well i think they are a lot of ways to get through those things and something you should do is change school if you can and just start all over again with new people and leave everyone behind cause if they didnt care about you so why you care about them if you go somewhere new there is no need to try and be the new popular girls in school just if you see someone shy maybe just go and sit next to them if she is alone better but if its a little group try and sit close to them and talk about the teacher then where did u came from or if they are knew and if the can show you the school or a specific place you want to see and tell them were do you come from and what was it like if its any different and more things and if you cant change school try and change classes or go with a cousin brother etc and do the same process cause i understand you perfectly ive always been for a veeeeery long time the shy girl who wanted to play cool and be popular and you change with years i have i mean im outgoing now im 17, i still have my shy moments and everything,and sometimes them ambients are not nice too many fake people going around there believe me to much messy people is good just to have 3 4 friends to hang around with and if they ignore you well tuff for them cause they’ve missed the opportunity to see a person who can have a lot of incredible things inside so dont try to be popular just do it with the poeple you feel comfortable with if i were you i would go for the shy people specially cause sometimes them ambients and people are just not meant for one for some reason only god knows where are you from ?
      xxx from spain. 😀

  2. waverley says:

    my name is Waverley and I was wondering i have these friends and on Tuesday i saw them at the movies and i didn’t know about the plan and i asked my best friend why and she said that another person that can to but she ddin’t want me to come. and so my dad asked my best friend and she said what she told me so I just don’t know if it had maybe something to do with me or what because my best friend told me that she didn’t want to tell me about the movies because i think she said i would get sad so yeah i just want to know if it is me or something because apparently it was a last minute thing and i also got told that someone would’ve told me so yeah Thankz!

  3. bronwyn says:

    Good response, Amy –letting her know that resuming the friendship is a possibility, but not guaranteed.

    I had a best friend who ended up attending a different high school. We staid in contact and this was before email and texting, so I sent notes via my siblings (who still shared the same school bus with this friend) daily. For a while, we managed it. But once she got herself a boyfriend (some older guy, who, in retrospect, probably was too old for the relationship to be legal). I happened to see her in town one day and she barely acknowledged recognizing me. I can still recall how that felt. There was no argument, blow-up, anything, preceding this chance encounter. One day, she just started snubbing me.

    Her parents always behaved as though I was some kind of negative influence (laughable, because I’d actually gotten her involved in the church I attended, and I certainly wasn’t helping her hook up with older guys). They were also adamant about her attending college — part of their rationale in sending her to the other high school, I believe. I am not exaggerating when I describe it as a snotty, expensive prep school her family (of eight children)could ill afford.

    I don’t know that she ever made it to college, but I did. I’ve tried looking for her on Facebook, but really wouldn’t have the last name info. I still wonder why she turned on me.

    If these people are truly your friends, they’ll still be there for you, even if not in the capacity they were previously. And if they’re not, really, really be open to new friendship experiences.

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