Should I change my school placement to stay with friends?

A young girl from the Philippines wonders whether she should stay with friends or take advantage of an advanced placement at school.

QUESTION

Hi,

This is honestly my first time doing this, contacting random people on the internet to ask for advice about personal problems but I’m honestly too desperate to get this problem out of my mind so that I can enjoy the rest of my summer without panicking about it.

You see, I transferred to a private Christian school in the Philippines last year, and it’s been going kind of okay so far. I mean, sure, I don’t have a lot of friends, but I’ve at least have two TRUE best friends, so I’m not complaining.

Before I tell you my actual problem, let me just explain how schools work in the Philippines. There are eight (or more, depends on the number of students) sections per year/grade level: half are morning sections; the other half are afternoon sections. The students are sorted into these sections based on intelligence.

So basically, each section has to stay in one classroom for an entire semester (which means you’ll have the same classmates too), it’s the teachers that move from classroom to classroom.

Now that that’s out of the way, I’ll get straight to the point. The semester’s just ended, it’s summer, and I’m already freaking out about the next semester because I got sorted to the second section, and my best friend in the entire world got in the third. So now I’m not sure if I should switch sections to stay with my BFF or to stay to make my parents proud.

Part of me really really wants to switch sections because I’m still not familiar with most of the students there, and having my best friend beside me kind of helps to boost my self-esteem when it comes to making friends. Meanwhile the other part of me wants to stay, mainly because this is one heck of an opportunity to make my parents proud, but I’m afraid I might not fit in there, since everyone there knows each other.

My best friend wants me to switch, while my mom doesn’t and it’s making me really, really confused.

What do you think I should do?

Signed, Kim

ANSWER

Dear Kim,

From you’re letter, I can tell you’re a bright, thoughtful young woman and I have a feeling you will be able to make the right choice for you.

When making a difficult decision, such as this one, writing a list of pros and cons can be helpful. Also, consider what you might think about this decision in the future and how you’ll feel looking back bout that choice. Sometimes, the easiest thing to do in the present can make the future more difficult and what’s tough in the present can be the best thing for the future.

In your letter, you mentioned pleasing your BFF and your parents and your fears about friendship. I’d like you to also contemplate college your future career choices and which section will give you the best preparation for the life you wish to have as an adult.

Another important consideration is that friendships can break up or change even if they seem like they’ll last forever so making a decision based solely on social reasons can be short sighted. I think you’ll find new friends in a group with others of your same intellect and abilities and while you’re BFF friendships might change, that doesn’t mean you can’t remain close.

Right now the decision must feel like one of the biggest in your life. I like the logical way you’ve approached this and I have a feeling you will make the best choice for you, whatever that is. Write back us know what you decide.

Signed, Amy Feld

*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.

Tags: friend, keeping friends, Philippines, placement, school

Category: KEEPING FRIENDS, Teen friendships