• Few or No Friends

Can we live with no friends?

Published: March 12, 2010 | Last Updated: April 2, 2016 By | 52 Replies Continue Reading

Recently, there were two chilling news reports of older women, one who had been living in New York and another in South Carolina, who died alone in their homes—without anyone knowing. Hearing the circumstances, I couldn’t help but wonder whether their lives had been cut short because they had no friends to buoy their spirits or to help them manage their lives. A 10-year study of people over the age of 70 in Australia suggests that this might be the case. The researchers found that friends are more important than family in conferring longevity, and that people with an extensive network of good friends outlive those with the fewest friends by 22 percent.

These are the two stories in brief: Jane Wild, a 78-year-old retired schoolteacher, was found dead on February 4th in a bathroom on the second floor of her home in Chappaqua, New York, an upscale hamlet of 6500 households. Describing her as a recluse, the police thought she might have been dead for at least six months when they found her. Wild’s mailbox was stuffed and her utilities had already been turned off. But no one knew she had died until her attorney tried to reach her, unsuccessfully, and notified the police. “It’s just sad she died by herself and that nobody even missed her enough to call about checking on her,” said Detective Sgt. James Wilson of the New Castle Police who are still searching for next of kin.

This week, some 800 miles away, Juanita Goggins, 75, also a former schoolteacher, who earned the distinction of becoming the first black woman elected to the South Carolina Legislature in 1974, was found frozen to death at home. Born to sharecroppers, Goggins also became the first black female to be appointed to the U.S. Civil Rights Commission. Her landlord had noticed that the lights in her house, which was only four miles from the State capitol, hadn’t been turned on for a couple of weeks. She, too, was described as a loner. Her son said that his mother suffered from an undiagnosed mental disorder for the last decade of her life and refused any help from family or neighbors. Neither Wild nor Goggins appear to have been indigent.

Unfortunately, many older people lead isolated lives for a variety of reasons: physical, emotional, and situational. One report estimated that as many as two million of the nine million Americans over the age of 65 who live alone say they have no one to turn to for help. There are no simple answers and, hopefully, more will be learned about the lives and deaths of these two women. Yet, we often don’t take notice of the person who lives alone in the apartment or house next door. It’s natural to feel awkward about intruding into someone else’s space but perhaps stories like this will inspire individuals and communities to think twice.

For discussion: Could you live without friends?

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Category: HAVING NO FRIENDS

Comments (52)

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  1. Ama says:

    41 years old and since the end of my 15 year relationship, I have lived a life of solitude. Sure I talk to people at work, my mother, cashiers..etc. But I really don’t have anyone. I am off in the summer and days will go by that I don’t hear another human voice. A decade of silence and it is finally starting to bother me. I think this solitude has caused my depression and now this depression is furthering this solitude. Life really does feel pointless. And I’m only 41…

  2. KJ says:

    Female ‘friends’ are the worst. Nothing but dramas and inability to straight up tell you if you’ve done something they don’t like. Who needs it? The exception is one woman friend I’ve known for over 20 years. For the most part, animals are the best friends. They’re always honest about what they feel and want! Most people have no genuine sense of acceptance of others for who they are.

    I have about 4 friends, not including 2 siblings I also get along with. Of those 4, I only see two on a weekly basis. The other two I mostly talk to by phone. I understand the limits of these relationships and don’t expect more of them.

    I work alone and I live alone. I don’t have a problem talking to people but often I’d rather not. It’s not worth the effort and ultimate disappointments. I’m really not interested in the shallow & meaningless interactions that pass for ‘friendship’. And I’ve also noticed how people disappear once they no longer find you useful.

    • Freeda says:

      I totally agree with you. Females are the worst. They are fake, for the most part, and only want what you can do for them. I pray you hold on to the friend you have. I have one as well and although we don’t see each other often, if I need to laugh or cry, I know she’ll be there.

    • Debbie says:

      Amen! I have been stabbed in my back so often it isn’t worth it.
      I found out my friends when I really needed someone and very ill. First time ever, I reached out. No one. Maybe I made the mistake having to move a long distance from home to make money. Regardless, it was a real eye opener.
      My pets are always here for me.
      Thank you for making me not be the only one to feel this way.

  3. Brian says:

    I, for one, am thoroughly sick of people – even the best intention-ed ones.

    I have a strong science and inventive background. The main problem areas are receiving requests for help and no mater how I simply the explanation (even to engineers) they always do it wrong and I usually end up getting blamed even if I provide working prototypes.

    The second problem is dealing with emotional outbursts, hidden agendas and pretexts, and outright manipulations from even long time “friends”.

    I am 60 years old and have spent my entire life in such frustration and my nerves can’t take much more. They have pushed me to my limit.

    I need to find a functional way to live without people.

    • Freeda says:

      Please don’t try to live without people… Just try to find your tribe. Unfortunately, I found that most people don’t like befriending intelligent people. Some may disagree with that statement, but I’m pushing 60 and experience has shown this to be true. If you are frivilous, love to drink and party or waste time, people will flock to you. If you are a serious thinker, enjoy contemplating important life issues, people shy away quickly. But again, don’t let any of that stop you. It’s still worth it because think about it, you are a great friend. You just haven’t found someone like you. I tell myself all the time, I want a friend just like me.

  4. ariel says:

    I to am all alone in life, no friends or family anymore,i was adopted my a great aunt and her mother, my great granma,they all passed away while I was still quite young, I got married and he never cared about me, then I met another man who I stayed with for 24 years, he died when I was 51, and I had no children so now I am completely alone in life, I do get out and talk to people every day, but I miss having a special person who would be there for me, life now is lonely but I manage, I have a lovely dog, and he helps, I am now 56 and try to keep fit, but I am worried about getting old and no one to care for me, it is scary to think about.

    • Alba says:

      Hi Ariel!
      I am a Brazilian living in the Us for almos 21 year i8 of them in Austin. Right now i am living with my mother in law after the death of my husband. I am almost you age.I want to be your friend.

      • Alba says:

        correcting some errors…

        Hi Ariel!
        I am a Brazilian living in the US for almost 21 year 18 of them in Austin. Right now i am living with my mother in law after the death of my husband. I am almost you age.I want to be your friend.

        This is not a matching or dating site. Rather, it’s to talk about ways to make and keep friends.

        No posts with identifying information are posted here to protect visitors from spammers.

        Sorry if this wasn’t clear. Thanks for your cooperation!

    • maureen says:

      My husband just left me. Doesn’t love me anymore. I have no family or friends and I’m terrified. I’m 57. I always loved my alone time to read, etc. But forced loneliness is a nightmare. My biggest fear is about my animals. 14 rescues. Dogs and cats. What if I get ill or hurt? Or die? They all love each other, what would happen to them? I honestly hope they’re all euthanized.

  5. Diana says:

    Those two women are me. I have been alone for 10 years since my dad died. I have no friends and no family to speak of. Even though I live in a small town of 1900 I dont know anyone. My aunt lives across the road from me but she dont care if I live or die. Her children , my cousins have never once called me or come by to check on me.I am disabled and have an agreement with my aunt to take me to the store once in a while if I pay for her trash pickup. LOL crazy huh? I am desperate to be part of my own family, and they want nothing to do with me.

    So desperate that I get angry when she mocks me and belittles me, I lash out and we fight over everything and anything. But I always wind up crawling back to her because I need her even if its not a two way street and she can take me or leave me. She says she is a christian, and loves to hold it over my head that I am going to hell. So when I ask her if she ever cared or loved me at all..she never answers, she just says dont worry about if I care, better worry about if god cares. You dont need people to love you. Way to prove she dont give a damn if I live or die.

    I have no way to get around and I am dependent on her, but I am also emotionally dependent on her. And she dont love me, as a matter of fact all she thinks about is how much of a hassle it will be to sort my house and belongings when I die. So I will die alone like I live my life, no one will miss me or mourn me as I have no one that can. And like a vulture they will all show up on my doorstep finally when im dead to get what they can out of my estate. FML.

    • Amy F says:

      Have you ever talked to your doctor of a therapist about clinical depression and ways in which you can improve your life and circumstances? It sounds to me like you could use some professional support to learn how to develop meaningful and mutually supportive relationships. It’s never to late to make positive changes, even when doing so seems hopeless,

    • Bee Avery says:

      You are not alone God loves you and always remember God sends his strongest people through the most worst battles.

  6. Ethan says:

    I’m a disabled veteran and have learned to deal with no friends. My disability prevents me from doing a lot of things so others will either stay away or not be bothered with it.

    I’ve gotten use to it and honestly don’t care for friends now.

    Others may see this as bad but I see it as a positive. I don’t have to worry about drama or BS.

    • Galen1218 says:

      After an unsuccessful 10-year all out quest for friendship, I agree with you, Ethan. You’re so right. The “friends” I did meet during this decade did indeed provide much unwanted drama and BS. I have finally accepted my solitary life as a given, and after much thought, I adopted a wonderful young dog from the animal shelter. She has brought me more happiness in two weeks than all the humans I met in ten years. There are good reasons dogs are considered to be “man’s best friend.”

  7. SE says:

    I am 49 and I exist without friends.

    • Bonnie says:

      And you’re ok with that? I noticed you said exist… You didn’t say live.

      • Freeda says:

        OK, sounds like you’re one of those people who like to condemn. Leave SE alone if you don’t have anything positive to say.

        • Monique says:

          Bonnie wasn’t condemning. She was asking if SE was ok with existing and trying to gain insight and learn more from his perspective. Questions are good …. that’s why we’re on this site. To learn from others.

  8. Vidya says:

    As a friendless single woman in her 40s, I have sometimes wondered what it would be like to die alone and unnoticed. But I suppose more than the fear of my final days, it is the realization that I have absolutely no one to turn to for a friendly chat or a heart-to-heart conversation, that depresses me the most at times. The present had always been more important to me than the future and I suppose that is why I never made much effort to build lasting friendships. I was surrounded with friends at school and work but as I moved along, my interest in sustaining those friendships too fizzled out. It didn’t seem like a big deal then. I was young and making new friends was easier then. I don’t quite know if there is a lesson to be learnt in these experiences, because I am not exactly sure if being friendless is a boon or a curse. My friendless state has yet to consume me fully and my only prayer and hope is that I learn to live gracefully despite it, and not end up a grumpy, bitter woman in my final days. Perhaps it’s never too late to learn a lesson or two in friendship…?

    • Garry says:

      Vidya I know what you mean I’m 56 and I don’t know if I have ever had a friend. I often wonder if anyone other than family will come to my funeral

    • Michael says:

      This thread is old, but I just found it so.. here I am. Vidya, your post pretty much sums up my past experience. I’m 51. I never had any concern about making friends when I was younger, in fact it was so easy that I routinely rejected people who wanted to spend time with me, and just as easily dismissed friendships with anyone who I felt slighted by. I had friends, and even some that I felt were important, but I didn’t care enough for them. After turning down enough invitations, I stopped getting invited. It’s painfully simple. Then, when I lost my primary source of income in my late forties, it just got worse. I was fortunate that I didn’t lose my apartment because I still had part time work, but it only paid enough for my rent and some food (not every day, heh). Sometimes friends I used to hang with would see me on the street and say “hey, let’s go out and get a drink/meal/movie:, but of course I couldn’t even afford food every day so I’d have to say “ha not today another time!”. Humiliated. I tried telling one friend my situation and asked to get together like going to a park or something FREE, but no interest. That was all three or four years ago and I’m still trying to get back on my feet financially, but in the meantime, I’ve lost any kind of semblance of meaningful friendship. I talk to people at my part time job, but I don’t get invited to be with them outside of work. Once or twice over the last year I have, but couldn’t afford to go. And of course my clothes are shit old so I can’t go anywhere nice anyway (people in my line of work are mostly half my age and fairly fashionable). Life is .. it’s a whole other animal when you’re old and poor. You become invisible, or dismissed. It’s painful. In my case, I feel like I kind of deserve it. If it becomes too much I’ll off myself. I’ve no children, it wouldn’t really matter much to anyone.

  9. Abel says:

    Since this article deals with old women, it’s hard to infer that one can’t live without friends based on the scenarios herein. Because many people with friends also happen to die at the same age; around 75.
    So coming back to the main question:
    Can someone live without friends?
    I will say yes; firmly, but it’s difficult and it varies per person.
    Through the evolution process, men have been used to rely on each other for survival. We are therefore genetically designed to rely on people from whom we draw security, sense of worth, comfort, affection, and even excitement.
    And not just every kind of people. In fact, there are people that mean little to us that their presence or absence usually affects nothing in our lives. There are others that mean a lot. And it’s with the later that can come a lot of rewards or problems.
    Problems if we mean little to those who mean a lot to us. And rewards if we mean a lot to those who mean a lot to us.
    So how can the interactive dependence by bypassed?
    The answer is found in other ways that excite men. These generally come through some sort of material.
    Yes. Strangely, I simply mean that the things we miss to derive from people, we can actually derive them from things.
    But that comes after a long journey and generally requires a change of mentality. Because our natural tendency is to rely on others. People mean more to us than things and that’s simply the normal way of living. But many would gain more by changing that mentality. After all, what’s the goal of wanting to depend on people who have little esteem for you?
    We live in a materialism age and those who really come out happier and fulfilled are materialistic people. Simply because they are spared from many hurts that results from bad relationships and are constantly excited by the things they can acquire or achieve.
    Things are more faithful than people. So, if you can manage to be satisfied with things, you will be constantly satisfied.
    And unfortunately, the great losers are the good people. Those who depend more on people than materials. And they simply get hurt over and over in relationships. Mostly when their counterpart don’t express the same feelings for them.
    The age is evil and we must operate with a measure of evil to survive. If you try to be honest in a town of thieves, how miserable will you be???

    • suresh says:

      Hello Abel,

      Such a nice perspective. Being an INFJ personality type, it has always been hard for me to make friends (and retain them if I had any) and I constantly blamed myself for it. I wouldn’t have searched for this topic if I wasn’t feeling as such. But, your response gave me a nice perspective to understand my personality as well as a possible solution to my problem of being devoid of people around me. Thanks a lot.

  10. A says:

    Those women at the beginning of the article: will be me. And the sooner the better.

    I never had a friendship that I truly and genuinely cared about until my adult life. That person randomly decided to join the military, and since, our friendship has been slowly withering. The feeling of being replaced, forgotten and no longer important has been the most gut wrenchingly painful experience I think I’ve ever had.

    I poured so much of myself into this friendship. I let down virtually ALL of the walls I had built up until that point. And for what? So that person could take my affections and run with them? I’ve cared, and still care, so much about the person and to them…I think I’m now merely an annoyance.

    Never again. Never will another person take anything from me.

    I have vowed that I am finished trying to cultivate new relationships with people. I don’t need the pain. I don’t need the “not knowing” going in if this person is going to just drop me…after I’ve done nothing to them but try to be a great friend.

    I honestly no longer see the point in the whole notion of friendship and the way it apparently works. It is often said “friends come and go in life.” And they call it fun.

    I don’t see the fun in it. I don’t see the fun in allowing the pain of loss in your life over and over again while hoping that- that one friend comes along. How many times do I have give pieces of myself away to other people? What happens when I don’t have any pieces left to give?

    • monika says:

      I share your pain becuase it’s the very reason I am searching for answers and come across this article. I have been used and abused by people who I cared for, people I love, people I gave my precious time to,people I give my heart to and the sheer sense of betrayal and pain it is beyond my own imagination. That also included family members.

      I ask myself so may questions as to what have I done to deserve this lonely life that I a living. I get to a stage where I become reclusive from the outside world apart from going to work and back in my car and back in my sitting room looking through the windows. Even at work I communicate a little becuase am too afraid of people. I am not paranoid but from lives experiences you have to be aware fo your surroundings and never trust people that much. Now I know that life is not all that it cracked up to be. I cannot and will not force any friinedship or try to form any new friendship at this stage in my life becuase I will never let my walls down again.

      • Sam says:

        Hi Monica

        I’m 30 yr old gay guy, listening to your story it felt to me like i’m exactly living your life. I have no friends, my family has abandoned me because of my sexuality and now i have no one turn to. My daily routine is very monotonous. I’m very healthy always take care of myself but for some reasons i cant adapt into gay lifestyle. sometimes i feel very lonely so you are not alone.

        • monika says:

          Many more people have been experiencing this sort of lonely life and I have to accept the fact that it is as it is becuase friendships should not be of any force by it should be something that happens freely without any motives apart from loving and accepting someone. Never in a million years did I expect this is a path I would trode in this life. Why should I died without feeling as if I haven’t fulfil any purpose while am here ? Is it that my purpose is to serve other’s but yet not been serve by anyone ? How can it be fair ?

          • suresh says:

            I found a plausible solution to our common problems. It is in the spirituality domain. It was totally unfathomable to me in the beginning, but it is making a lot of sense recently. Its about ‘being your self and living in the now’. I feel that we are all here only because we wanted to be born and withstand the relentless suffering life has to offer. There is a solution, which the great spiritual leaders like Buddha and Ramana put forth for us. It is to control our thoughts, nullify our cravings and dissolve our aversions by being in a thoughtless state (bliss). When we achieve this, we will be harmonious with just our selves and a find a possible escape from the unending turmoil of our minds.

  11. 17 year old guy says:

    If anyone else out there is looking for comments to re-assure that living life lonely is possible, I’m still searching for that answer as well.

    I know for certainty I’ll never find a friend who I can truly consider a real friend, but it’s better to realize it than to keep blindly hoping that one day another human being will enjoy your company enough to the extent that they will want to be with you often.

    Living life lonely..that’s definitely going to damage me psychologically. But I’m a loser, and losers don’t get to be winners.

    I somehow hope that in 10 years I’ll come back and read this comment to laugh that I found people who enjoy my company, but if not, here’s to a hell of a life. I just hope harder that it won’t damage you hard enough for you to take your own life away.

    And thats how much of a lonely loser I am, I’m hoping for myself that I won’t commit suicide later in life due to permanently having no friendships.

    • Irene says:

      I don’t know what your career plans are at this point in your life but your future is ahead of you. As you develop your interests, you will meet other people and have opportunities to nurture friendships. I know that doesn’t make you feel much better NOW.

      It sounds like you may be depressed and that can make it harder to find friends, too. Is there some trusted adult you could reach out to at school to talk about your feelings, perhaps a guidance counselor, or a pastor at your place of worship?

      • 17 year old guy says:

        I wasn’t even expecting a response! Especially so..fast. Thanks a lot!

        I don’t think I’m depressed, because I’m still enjoying life and having fun. But I realized that I’m unable in establishing friendships that will last long term, and this realization came from 10 years of living in the U.S. and a ton of self-improvement books.

        It may be because I’m not American enough to be liked socially, because I’m a really cool guy in the view of kids from my country which I get to visit every summer.

        I hope you’re right about finding friends in college with similar interests, because finding a genuine friend who makes electronic music is as hard as finding a needle in a haystack.

        • Irene says:

          Glad to hear that you aren’t depressed. Are there online forums with people interested in electronic music? Best, Irene

        • Tat says:

          You should come to Asheville, NC or some other cool music city where lots of people make electronic music!I think you will find your happy rather soon!

        • That Cutie says:

          We’re in the same situation. I moved here in US 7 years ago and ever since then I can’t seem to fit in.I became shy and awkward. I had friends but they all come and go. I still have like 3 or 5 friends. Thankfully I have cousins who I stay and talk to from the beginning, but I still feel like I need to improve my social life.

          What I’m doing which I also suggest you to do for now is to focus in school and career. In the future you’ll either meet new people or go back to your hometown and pursue that career and be a cool guy you have always been. Just stay positive and have plan Bs all the time. Do whatever makes you happy okay. ^_^

  12. Lustre0666 says:

    http://assets.csom.umn.edu/assets/127771.pdf

    This study says, that one might live without friends, in case, that he or she has a lot of money. The research explores the symbolic power of the money and it is said, that the more the individual has money, the more he or she ceases to need social acceptance and becomes less vulnerable. So, one might live without friends, however, one must be very, shamelessly rich.

  13. Carl says:

    I agree and disagree Partially ,
    I don’t have friends in my high school time , though I have 3 – 5 of them but they did not care about me , they just want my brain especially in language and science classes. They did not have interest in my story and keep isolated me for about 5 years. While in University , I got new friend and they did the same to me, I know it’s my fault that just “pamper” them easily but sometime I try to not talk to them the whole day but it works , I feel Free. They always mock me and judge me whenever I do mistakes.Also they slandering about me and spread the rumors across the school that I’m a faggot [even I’m not] until the whole school hate me , I got depressed and just can’t wait for weekend where I don’t meet them.That is on the negative side.

    On the positives side, They can be helpful sometimes on work and etc…. sometimes brighten your days, give you support.

    If you don’t have friends , My advice is try not to be an attention seeker and do some fun stuff like hobby and spend more time with your family – tell the problem.Find a pen pal and playing games 🙂

    I have only 1 real friend for my whole life or maybe not because it keeps fading as I grow older.

  14. Elsa says:

    The last few remaining friends/acquaintances I knew in high school and college spread rumours about me because I seemed emotionally sensitive. It took a few people to ruin everything. The career choice I struggled to get to was ignored when I posted photos on Facebook. One girl who was inspired by my idea tried it too and got many likes and congratulations from people I knew. They barely knew her yet as an example she gets attention for picking what I did. I also had a sister who is favoured by my parents and I was criticised for my style and appearances and mostly ignored for the subjects I studied. When I left home my sister started to copy my exact lifestyle and gets much more attention and positive remarks from parents and weirdly my old friends who also like to ignore me and talk to my family. I am the scapegoat at home and outside. I am in no way physically or emotionally different a just too nice as some might say. I’m now in my early 20’s and have no one to talk to due to rumours caused by jealously. Maybe due to my appearances or looking unusual? Maybe it’s because I am brown and my sister isn’t? racism? Racial blindness? I don’t know I think it’s because I am shy yet I was always starting on the friendship and always giving. Maybe I am emotionally absent in public yet I care deeply for others I just cannot show it. I give up because my boyfriend said I attract narcissists and my every family member is one also so I was picked on for not being a bitchy or manipulative girl? Insane. How can I ever be successful? Who will raise my child if I need to go to the shop one day? If hypothetically my husband worked? I don’t have a child right now. For one I want my childhood back for being the only one bullied at home whilst no one lay a finger on my siblings. Because I was quiet.

    i want to love myself instead of having to constantly give to friendships that do not return. I want to live old and happy with meaning but statistically men die earlier than women. If women were jealous or simply hated my nerdy boyish interests then I will die alone because my mother who said I was a mistake said she has no female friends either yet she sees older or old women in church in a group together. I was never part of a clique as a child a teenager or as an early adult. My best friend is my boyfriend . So if I had decent advice I would say hold on to what you’ve got. And only marry if your boyfriend is not just the most amazing person in the world but also your friend. I want to live old enough to see people land on mars! I don’t think we should have to beg for friendships but this is the 21 century where also statistically young people are increasingly almost as lonely as old people. We can live practically without friends but what about the heart? How do we feel connected to the world? And how can we make friends if most humans on earth today live like narcs and therefore will RUN when you try to be nice to them and they may even ignore you. All because they can love and feel but choose not to. Most people like to deceive people through convincing others have it good on social media and claim they are always busy…code word for you do no matter to me. I do. Well In some ways why don’t we care for ourselves emotionally. We should make ourselves heard no mater what age! If anyone has advice for being ignore do feel free to comment. Please.

  15. James says:

    My whole life i wasn’t able to obtain a “Real” friend, people who were my friends simply took advantage of me and left me when i wasn’t required anymore. This was the case in school, and continued to this day in my adult life, until v recently where i thought i finally made a “Real” friend, after 2 years of friendship the person totally betrayed me and backstabbed me, on thing i learnt is that you never get used to betrayal it hurts real bad everytime.

    Overall, to be honest technically i never really needed a friend, i’ve learnt to cope with my own demons by myself, i dont need a “friend” to help me bounce back from misery, i can self-sustain on my own as i have v high survival skills. I do enjoy life on my own, however i am married now and all i need is the time i spend with my wife and some solitary time is sufficient for my happiness. I never really feel “lonely” anymore, the only downside with a lone-wolf is your lack of “network” which is v important when ur looking for a job, so i have a v hard time looking for jobs or career moves.

    My life is living proof that you don’t really need friends to survive, and in my experience these days most people are too selfish to help one another. Infact recently, when i observe the masses, i can’t seem to compute the whole concept of “friendship” anymore, as what i see is shallow, i’ve seen 2 ppl become friends countless times, and all it took is , some humor, a bit of laugh and “funny” experiences, an a few social outings like a party or a picnic, then friendship is sealed and “friendship love” is declared. Has nothing to do with helping one another, loving one another, respecting one another, sacrifice and being around when you need each other most.

    • Nikhil says:

      Hi James I am Nikhil 34 year old male from India. I read your experience on friendship and felt it was honest. I also feel I am a lot ways similar to you. Well I would like to discuss more about many things with you. Hoping to talk more.

  16. Anonymous says:

    I have only 2 sortv kindv friends and have never actually had a real friend. But due to school and work I have developed and maintained a connection with the rest of of the world and maintained reasonable social skills to the point that most people find me likeable in some way. I have thus led a happy and fulfilling life. Friends are only needed by those who are used to having them.

  17. Anonymous says:

    Is there any step by step instructions for how to live perminately alone and be ok with that. I never can hold a friendship, mostly cuz of moving even though I would die for any of my old friends. I’d just like to know cuz my breaks in between school are so cold, and I’m halfway done with college so it’ll be a break forever in 2 years:/

  18. Anonymous says:

    Most of the friends I had in my life were more like takers then friends, I’m very self sufficient I can look after myself I’ve always been that way, Even when I was a child I would never ask for a ride anywhere I would walk.

    I can fix anything around my home, I can repair my own car, I can cook, I’ve found many people want other people around just for their own self-interest not true friendship. Now don’t get me wrong I know people need a helping hand every now and then but I find most take it further then that.

    I haven’t have a friend in over 40 years and I have no problems with that, I have no problem communicating with anyone, I’m very happy to talk to anyone about anything but as far as friendship goes, I really have no need.

  19. Anonymous says:

    Yes? I question it because at times, I see something happen and want to tell someone but realize I don’t really know anyone enough to tell. I am living in a new city but my friends from my old are dwindling.

    So, I am living without friends. But, it is also by my choice.

    Interestingly enough, the only thing that would bother me about dying alone and no one knowing or caring is the body they may find many months after the fact instead of a day.

    As a Buddhist, the higher level monks will detach themselves from life effectively making no positive or negative karma. Negative karma is easy enough to not make but positive karma is harder to reject. It means we must be more recluse and solitude in our lives.

    To dive even deeper into Buddhist psychology, the understanding to breaking the life/death cycle of rebirth is to remove all desire from ones mind which would include friends. It’s not bad to have friends but it’s the desire and attachment towards them.

    Interestingly enough, it proves, though, that people can choose to live longer via the natural actions of having friends. The mere desire to help others and have them rely on you gives one a reason to wake up.

    However, so does playing an instrument. The one lady died at 78 – this is average with the other not far off.

    While I like friends, at some point we all say “goodbye” and journey onto death alone. Buddhist just start the practice much sooner before death.

  20. Anonymous says:

    Just because you show interest doesn’t mean anybody will respond. Just because you put alot of time and effort into trying to make friends doesn’t mean you’re entitled to any. If those two women didn’t have friends, it probably wasn’t due to lack of effort or interest.

  21. Anonymous says:

    I think IT IS possible to live without friends and actually do quite well!!!

    IMHO, Social connections can improve one’s life and health.. but ONLY if they are healthy, quality relationships… otherwise, they can do more harm than good.

    I also say this because if one has to deal with some of the friends that I’ve had deal with over the years… friends that are boring, whiney or needy… than I personally would rather be with no friends at all, than be with friends that only cause me pain and misery.

  22. Anonymous says:

    No, I would not be able to live without friends. They help me get thru the day and ease the stress. Who else can you laugh or cry with? However, getting friends can be really hard and losing them a snap. That’s one of Murphy’s laws?

  23. starrlife says:

    Horrifying stories! There should be some kind of system to be flagged when utilities get turned off by companies without permission from the owners! Just even a safety check from the police.
    Not that that replaces friends or answers your question 🙂
    I certainly think that there are people who can live without friends, enjoy social isolation and their own company but it is a rare thing in the big picture. Many times it is not that someone enjoys being alone but the attrition that comes with aging and lack of back up by children, etc. Most people’s worst fear is getting old alone. Many marriages are sustained for just that reason!

  24. Irene says:

    In Chappaqua, at least, postal workers were warned to look for things like this in the future and to report them. We also have an "Are you OK?" phone system that seniors can sign up for but in this case, the woman didn’t participate.

    Really horrifying!

    Thanks for your comment, Starrlife!

     

  25. Irina Wardas says:

    Absolutely not! They help us reduce stress which makes us feel better and live longer.
    I work with women and we all agree that female friendship is priceless.
    Thank you for sharing, Irene.
    Breathe, smile and be happy.

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