Big hurts, little hurts, and apologies

Published: March 29, 2009 | Last Updated: March 30, 2009 By | Reply Continue Reading

A reader of this blog wrote:

I have been trying to read some things on-line about how to deal with an ex-best friend and came across information about your book and your profile. I look forward to the release of your book and am curious as to its content, including your recommendations for dealing with relationships that have been damaged, which in my case would more appropriately be described as destroyed. 


My “friend” wants me back in her life desperately but doesn’t want to talk about what happened to us; she does not want to own up to the things she did and they were so devastating to me that there is no way I could be friends with her again by simply pretending none of it happened, and not resolving it (sweeping it under the carpet).


I have read an inordinate amount of feedback provided in response to individuals relating their respective stories and am disappointed to find that the majority of that feedback consists of recommendations to simply ignore the other person s opposed to honestly expressing one’s feelings about what transpired, how it felt/feels, and why or why not the relationship an be mended, etc.


My response:

Thanks so much for your note! In response to your suggestion, I’ve posted on the topic starting below and continuing on the Huffington Post


No friendship is conflict-free and even good friends say the wrong things or make mistakes occasionally. Some hurts are big but most are relatively minor.


If you’ve insulted a good friend or done something stupid, apologize immediately. Sometimes your friend will make allowances for your lapse because you share a bank of goodwill based on history and trust. But you’ll need to be careful not to make the same mistake again.

However, if you’ve made a big blunder or blurted out something totally regrettable, all you can do is try to apologize. To read some tips on how to make a meaningful and appropriate apology, read my latest article on The Huffington Post.


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