BFF’s No More: Your Problem or Your Child’s
July 12, 2010
Thoughtful piece on John’s blog about childhood friendships that quotes The Friendship Doctor:
When your child and a best buddy part ways, what should you do?
Sudden rifts are part and parcel of the tween and early teen years, MSN Lifestyle reports from Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer, author of Making Friends: A Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Child’s Friendships. “This time is when kids are figuring out who they’ll be as adults,” she says. “They’re separating emotionally from their families, identifying more with other kids. They often change friends until they find a good fit.”
Mix in raging hormones, Teenage girl depressed “mean girl” drama (or tough-guy bullying), and limited social skills – no wonder friendships often fizzle at this age. But as parents, do we watch helplessly or let our mama-bear instincts take over?
While there’s no single rule on when to step in, know this: “It’s your kid’s problem – not yours,” says Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. “The ups and downs of friendship are rehearsals for adult intimacy, loyalty, and commitment. If you interfere too much, you rob kids of those lessons.” But that doesn’t mean you step out of the picture completely. Here, how to coach your kids through friendship crises…
Strike the phrase “best friend” from your vocabulary. It sets up unrealistic expectations for everyone, says Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine and author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend.
The seemingly deep bonds that kids form in elementary school often fall by the wayside in the tween years, and kids need to be reassured that it’s normal — and healthy — to have friendships of varying intensity. “The notion of a lifelong best friend comes from movies and books,” says Levine. “It’s actually very rare in real life.”
Read the entire article here.
Category: KEEPING FRIENDS
Is the rest of the article available for reading? It says the rest of the article is here, but there is no link.
BFF’s No More: Your Problem or Your Child’s
July 12, 2010 | By Irene Levine | Reply
July 12, 2010
Thoughtful piece on John’s blog about childhood friendships that quotes The Friendship Doctor:
When your child and a best buddy part ways, what should you do?
Sudden rifts are part and parcel of the tween and early teen years, MSN Lifestyle reports from Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer, author of Making Friends: A Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Child’s Friendships. “This time is when kids are figuring out who they’ll be as adults,” she says. “They’re separating emotionally from their families, identifying more with other kids. They often change friends until they find a good fit.”
Mix in raging hormones, Teenage girl depressed “mean girl” drama (or tough-guy bullying), and limited social skills – no wonder friendships often fizzle at this age. But as parents, do we watch helplessly or let our mama-bear instincts take over?
While there’s no single rule on when to step in, know this: “It’s your kid’s problem – not yours,” says Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. “The ups and downs of friendship are rehearsals for adult intimacy, loyalty, and commitment. If you interfere too much, you rob kids of those lessons.” But that doesn’t mean you step out of the picture completely. Here, how to coach your kids through friendship crises…
I’m sorry but it looks like the original article is no longer online. There are many similar articles on how parents can negotiate children’s friendships. You can look through the archives by searching on the CHILD AND ADOLESCENT FRIENDSHIP category under OTHER ADVICE. Hope this helps! Best, Irene