A ‘best friend’ who is always critical

Published: August 9, 2009 | Last Updated: August 9, 2009 By | 1 Reply Continue Reading


Dear Irene,

I am 24 and my best friend is the same age as well. We used to enjoy hanging out together but she acts like she doesn’t enjoy being around me anymore.

She always says things like, "Why do you do this or that?" and "Grow up" or “Why did you….” I haven’t done anything wrong. And if I did make a mistake, it’s not like she is perfect either. I don’t constantly point out her faults, so what’s the deal? I do the same things around other friends and they don’t act like that. She is always putting me down. It’s like she thinks I’m not good enough for her anymore.

I feel like I am losing my best friend, and I don’t know what to do. I try to be careful of what I say or do but there is always something. For example, I have cheap speakers for my PC and today she came and watched a movie with me. (I don’t have a TV or anything so I watch movies on the PC.) She complained about the quality of the sound! She already has been here before, so she knows how my speakers are. So why point it out?



Dear Lori,

Your letter doesn’t suggest a single reason why you should continue to be friends with your once-BF. You may have a shared history that includes some good memories but she sounds so insensitive and critical of everything you do and say, that it must be awful to spend time with her now.

Who knows why she is acting this way? She could be jealous or angry. Whatever the reason, her behavior is unacceptable.

If you think it would make a difference, tell her how she is making you feel. Perhaps she doesn’t realize the impact her words and actions are having on you. This would give her the opportunity to apologize and change her ways.

If you don’t feel this is viable or she doesn’t respond reasonably, let go of this toxic relationship and spend your time with friends who appreciate you and vice versa. I’m sorry you are in this situation but people change over time and all best friendships don’t last forever.


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  1. Anonymous says:

    It is hard when you have a shared history with someone and they behave this way – the shared history is not a reason to keep putting up with the put downs though. I can tell you from experience that this doesn’t improve with time, and the longer time spent with a person like this the more draining it is. Being a friend is about being kind to one another, not expecting a friend to be an emotional punching bag with constant criticism.

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