In the Media – Are you guilty of schadenfriending? (Grazia-UK)
Grazia UK
Screenshot – Grazia
In the UK publication Grazia, journalist Anna Silverman writes about the phenomenon of “Schadenfriending,” a term defined in the urban dictionary as a portmanteau of “schadenfruede” and “friend.” Basically, it refers to maintaining an old friend only because she/he makes you feel better about yourself.
The writer points out that social media like Facebook have made this more feasible for people to befriend “friends” with whom they would ordinarily no longer be connected.
The author interviewed The Friendship Doctor and writes:
Levine is keen to stress that the urge to compare ourselves to others is completely natural. ‘Our friends and acquaintances can serve as barometers that help us judge and define ourselves,’ she explains. ‘Friends can be role models whose successes we try to emulate. It’s normal to feel envious when friends seem to have more than we do or appear to be more successful.’
At the end, Silverman calls this a guilty pleasure and suggests that schadenfriending isn’t right: The higher road would be to unfriend someone if you feel that way about them.
You can read the entire article on Grazia.
Category: KEEPING FRIENDS
A couple of years ago, me and 22 colleagues were made redundant, and there seemed to be an awful lot of pressure on facebook to do well after that. This was the first time in my life that I felt a temptation to post things that were not true (I seriously considered to post a posh dinner with my husband as a business meal), and when I realised that, I defriended all but two of my ex colleagues who I still see face to face. I hesitated for about 2 months before I really did it, but the relief I felt after was incredible!!
Anyone who could attain the slightest bit of pleasure at a friend’s misfortune is no friend at all. These type of people clearly suffer from some form of narcissistic personality disorder with a little bit of sadism thrown in. Getting pleasure from other people’s pain is sociopathic and these type of people are incapable of feeling empathy, sympathy or compassion for anyone but themselves. If you have an acquaintance with anyone like this, unfriend them and move on before you get into a painful cycle of being hurt over and over again.
That’s a pretty terrible thing to do and doesn’t shock me if this is a common thing.
I wholeheartedly agree with defriending a FB friend if the purpose of your “friendship” is to feel better about yourself when she has troubles. I also suggest if a person feels that way they should look at themselves to figure out why they feel pleasure at the troubles of others, if doing so is how they want to be as a person and to seek counseling if they’re unable to change on their own because getting rid of negative feelings towards others opens hearts to healthier, more nurturing relationships.