• Making Friends

Another Summer Book Giveaway: 100 Simple Ways To Have More Friends

Published: August 16, 2015 | By | 23 Replies Continue Reading
Cherie and one of her best friends

Cherie and one of her “best friends”

My friend and colleague Cherie Burbach has just written a new book about friendship,

100 Simple Ways To Have More Friends.

Cherie will be giving a free copy to one randomly chosen reader of The Friendship Blog.

Cherie also wrote the guest post below:

Why is loneliness so hard to talk about?

In writing about relationships for over a decade now I’ve noticed a few things that continually stand out: people wanting more friends in their life, people wanting to understand what makes that friend of theirs tick, and people trying not to look too desperate for friends.

I think all of these things are related and pretty universal. People want friends but they are afraid to be too vocal about it. They have a hard time admitting that sometimes (or more than sometimes) they’re lonely. That’s a shame, because I think people who understand what’s missing in their life and have a desire to change it are brave and should be applauded. But we don’t usually do that as a society.

I have a lot of great friends in my life but at one point I went through a period of time when I was very lonely. My husband traveled for work, some of my closest friends moved, and suddenly I just found myself without the particular types of friendships I most desired. And that’s the key with loneliness. It isn’t necessarily about having lots of friends, it’s about having the close connection you crave.

I write about relationships and I’m pretty comfortable admitting things, so I told a family member that I was struggling with loneliness. And you know what she did? Snorted some snotty response about how she wished she had time for loneliness! She was too busy to be lonely!

I was busy, too. Being lonely doesn’t mean you don’t have enough to do. And that’s when it hit me, that there are people who experience loneliness and aren’t as comfortable talking about it as I am, and this is the type of response we (their closest friends and family) give them. Some snarky response that is meant to make them feel worse than they already do.

So when I wrote this book, I wanted it to be for people who might just want a few new friends (maybe the ones you have just aren’t giving you the types of connection you want right now) or those that need to meet a few people. Maybe they are feeling lonely right now. Maybe they just aren’t totally happy with the state of their relationships right now.

100 Simple Ways To Have More Friends is a handbook of sorts, with “meeting people” tips interspersed with “nurturing your friendship” type tips. It’s a book you can go back to occasionally or one you can read right through and try out the various suggestions as you absorb them. Friendships are fluid and even when you have long time friends that have been in your life forever, you might still need a few more who get you. It’s as simple as that.

About the book:

100 Simple Ways to Have More Friends by Cherie Burbach

100 Simple Ways to Have More Friends by Cherie Burbach

The more friends you have, the more you’ll have the right people in your life to give you the support and connection you desire. Having more friends means you’ll consistently connect with new people and also keep the good friends you already have. If your friendships don’t seem to stick, you’ll be making friends and losing them quickly. The key to having more friends is increasing the number of people you meet on a regular basis and holding on to the great pals you already have.

This book contains one hundred suggestions on how to make new friends and also strengthen the friendships you already have. The tips are varied, with suggestions on how to meet new people interspersed with ideas for nurturing your new and existing friendships.

About the author

Cherie Burbach is a poet, mixed media artist, and freelance writer. She’s penned 17 books and has written for About.com, NBC/Universal, Match.com, Christianity Today, and more. Whether it’s writing articles or creating art, all of Cherie’s work centers on relationships and faith. She includes book pages, music sheets, and other fabulous random things in her art to create something that celebrates a hopeful message.

The giveaway

  • One reader will be randomly selected to receive a copy of 100 Simple Ways by leaving a brief comment below telling one way they’ve made a new friend.
  • Participation is limited to individuals with U.S. mailing addresses only.
  • All entries must be submitted by September 15th, 2015. The winner will be announced here shortly afterwards.

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Comments (23)

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  1. joyce says:

    I’m happily married to my best friend and have a wonderful relationship with my son. I’m very involved with volunteering and club affiliations. I also take art and music lessons to improve myself. I’m generally a happy person and consider myself a kind and caring friend. My problem is that I seem to always be the one planning and contacting other women to get together. When I do go out with others, we have a great time…….until I plan the next get together. It’s sort of tiring to always be the one inviting. I will be e-mailed with messages like, ” We should get together for lunch sometime” or “we should get caught up on the phone”. So, I wonder, why don’t they call and set up a time and place??!!!! Frustrating!! I arranged to go to a holiday marketplace and coffee recently with someone I enjoy. We were having a great time until we went for coffee. Her phone rang, she took the call and had a conversation that went on until I motioned that I was ready to leave (about 10 minutes) Very insulting and rude…..

  2. Ally says:

    I’ve made friends through my children. Now that I have a highschooler,I’ve signed up for various volunteer activities (he’s in the band) and am hoping to forge connections this way. I’ve had so many attempts, all to fall flat but still remain optimistic I’ll find my place with new friendships.

  3. Ann says:

    I’ve made a few good friend going to mums and toddler groups as we had common ground.

  4. Gloria says:

    I tend to make friends in academic settings. My best friend in the world was one I met when I was 12. I was the new girl in our middle school classes and she looked like she wanted revenge on the world. I was hesitant to approach her because she seemed to be so unfriendly but one day I saw her drawing pictures of cats and I mentioned how I liked them. From this simple conversation about her cats a 20 year friendship grew. Turns out, she was also new in all the classes. Then later on, I found out she had an alcoholic and abusive father and was depressed about her home life. That was why she never smiled and looked at everyone like she hated them. We are both busy now with our significant others and babies, but we still keep in touch at least a couple of times a year.

  5. Carla S says:

    I’ve made friends by attending, sewing, knitting, and crocheting classes.

  6. Ellee says:

    For many years I had several good friends. Then within a year I lost all of them because they either moved away or passed away. After that came a long dry spell when there were many acquaintances but none that progressed to friendship. Then I joined a local quilt guild and after a period of time was able to make some new friends. No BFFs yet. Maybe someday.

  7. sharon says:

    I have made friends but sometimes they are superficial and don’t last. I would love to meet friends who are caring, thoughtful and sincere. Your post on being lonely is very true.

    • Susan says:

      I find that the few woman I have are just aquintances. I would like more to become close friends.Over 60 & feel so alone

  8. Eve says:

    I suppose one way I have made new friends is through changing jobs, even though my primary reason for changing was not just to meet new people. I do find it difficult to connect with new friends otherwise, even though I am often out and about at various events.

  9. Peppa says:

    Throughout my life I’ve made lots of friends but I also lost lots of friends too. I find it easy to make friends, but I find keeping them quite hard. In most cases, it’s been other people’s choice to stop contact, as I’m usually quite easy going and turn a blind eye on a lot of stuff if I have to.

    However, in my case, I’ve noticed that after years of friendship, people don’t really want to make an effort anymore, and there’s nothing that can be done. It’s quite painful so now I’m much more careful about letting people into my life.

    Also, I’ve met many unreliable, “flaky” people over the course of my life, so I don’t trust people that easily any more. I feel sad about this but I guess it’s my lot in life, and just have to accept it.

  10. Lady Morgahnna says:

    Hello! I find it easy to make friends which stay on the surface level of social friends, friends you have fun with, but don’t tell your deepest darkest secrets to.
    I have enjoyed getting to know a few younger woman at my work, they feel like daughters to me, are happy people and have full lives.

  11. Elizabeth says:

    I’ve met some great friends either through kids’ activities (I’m a mom) or professional events (I’m also a writer and wellness coach). Really, though, you can meet people anywhere if you’re friendly and like talking to strangers. My husband sold something on Craigslist and I went with him to the transaction–the guy who bought the item brought his girlfriend, and we hit it off. She’s almost 20 years younger than I am, and we talked for only about 20 minutes, but she’s one of my favorite friends on Facebook now, since we decided to keep in touch.

  12. Ellen says:

    What if you’ve never been particularly good at making friends? I’m one of those people who have tried to form friendships at different times in my life, been disappointed or just dissed. I don’t have a husband who is my best friend–I am completely alone. I’m nice, funny, caring, sensitive, essentially an introvert but the kind who easily talks to strangers. I’ve done various group activities, volunteered, attended Meetups, even recently moved to a larger city where I suspected there would be more people I had more in common with. In the last year, two or three people who initially seemed interested in being friends cancelled dates and I never heard from them again. I want the kind of deep, consistent friendships that we all crave. I also just want folks to just do stuff with like go hiking or to a movie. I’ve almost never had this but, for some reason, have not given up.

  13. Mary says:

    Are you saying the whole world should take zumba classes? I assume not and that you are saying join what you feel fun and connection with others

  14. Mary says:

    Dicque makes a point zumba, book club, bowling whatever follow your joy for what you like to do in groups!\

  15. Dicque says:

    Regularly attending Zumba classes and chatting up the other ladies that come to classes.

  16. Lauren says:

    Cherie sounds like a highly creative, warm and wonderful person. Cherie’s book looks great! Thanks for the heads up!

  17. Laura says:

    When I was pregnant with my 1st child I conncted with another woman who rode my train downtown. We would chat on the platform in the early morning and then sit together on the ride downtown. We had our babies 1 month apart. The friendship progressed with playdates with our babies and lunches downtown when we went back to work. Now our babies are young men finishing college and we’re still friends.

  18. Thanks for having me, Irene. Bless you.

  19. Susan M Baganz says:

    I attended a conference and a gal down and told me her name was Dee Dee. I jokingly said “Oh Double D!” And then gasped in horror because she wore a fairly substantial bra size! She laughed and we became great friends. She’s in another state but when I travel there she’s the #1 person I want to connect with face to face even though there are others I know in the area. We’ve roomed together at conferences, had deep conversations and laugh. With the distance we talk on the phone and connect via email and Facebook.

  20. Amanda says:

    Asking questions- when I was new in town, I saw a mom pregnant with a little one about my little one’s age and aske her where she was going for maternity care- turned into a very helpful friendship at that point in my life

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