• Handling Breakups

An ex-friend in the next office

October 5, 2016 | By | 4 Replies Continue Reading
A woman laments helping her ex-friend get a job in the next office.

QUESTION

Hi,

I broke up a friend I loved dearly and with whom I went through tough times. This was after doing my best to get her a job. Within a week after getting the job, she told me she hated me with all her heart. I then decided to stop being friends with her.

Unfortunately, the job I found her was right next to my office. Every now and then, she tries to show off and get my attention about how successful she is.

I don’t want to think any negative thoughts or compete with her but I just can’t stand all the little games she plays. What can I do not to think about the bad things she does and avoid the pain that I have in my heart?

Please do assist me.

Signed, Pearl

ANSWER

Hi Pearl,

It sounds like this friendship was filled with love, hate and too much drama to be long-lasting. You were wise to bow out of the friendship.

This woman was your friend when you helped her get the job so you shouldn’t feel badly about doing that. It’s unfortunate that it’s at a place where you have to see her repeatedly. It’s always uncomfortable to run into an ex-friend or ex-lover but both get easier over time.

Try to not remain emotionally involved in this friendship or engage in competition. Act cordially and friendly when you see your ex-friend but remember how upsetting it was when you were friends. At the same time, try to find other friendships, in and out of the workplace, that are healthier and less filled with drama. I’m sure that you will feel stronger over time.

Hope this helps.

Best, Irene

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Category: HANDLING BREAKUPS

Comments (4)

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  1. lottie says:

    Dear Pearl,

    What a twit she sounds. I agree with the others. Alas all that “up
    trumping” she is doing is probably taking her mind off what she is paid to do……her job.

    Feel sorry for her and play along with her making sure she doesn’t distract you from your work. Eventually she might trip herself up for being such a show off. Nobody likes a braggard they are annoying and irritating and a total distraction in an office.

    Think yourself lucky that the friendship has ended….do you really want to be associated with such an office fool. No. Try to ignore her unless of course it is necessary in your job.

    The next time she braggs think to yourself “What a shame” then smile moving on quickly. You deserve better,remember YOU deserve better.

    Best wishes Lottie

  2. Sandra says:

    I agree with all the other comments offered here. But oh my goodness, what an awkward situation. If you truly love your job there — and enjoy the workplace otherwise — you should do everything in your power to focus on the positive aspects. If the job isn’t all the great, and if you’ve thought about moving on to something else, I would give that serious consideration too.

  3. Lauren M says:

    Hi Pearl,

    Sorry to hear about how your good intentions and your kind works turned out so unpleasantly for you, to say the least.

    I really like the advice given by Irene and Amy. The techniques outlined by both Irene and Amy will be so useful and practical for you, and also for many of us, including myself.

    I wish you all the best, and hope that things improve soon. I hope that you will continue to help others, and that you are not put off by this situation. The world always needs kind, thoughtful people like you.

  4. Amy F says:

    Try to desensitize yourself to seeing her, by expecting that you’ll continue to run into her and visualizing no longer being bothered. In cases such as this, I try to take the high road and act as if I’m happy for her success, while reminding myself if she were happy and successful, she probably wouldn’t try so hard to continually remind me. Then I’d remind myself I’m only still in her drama if I allow her to bother me. I would reframe my thoughts about her from someone who acts hurtfully, to someone with issues and try to practice empathy for the issues, not the behaviors.

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