• Keeping Friends

An awkward invitation

Published: September 9, 2015 | Last Updated: September 9, 2015 By | 7 Replies Continue Reading
A woman asks for advice on handling an awkward invitation with her landlady.



A few weeks ago, I was invited by my landlady to join a gathering of her friends who are mostly retired ladies. The hostess/owner of the venue seemed to have found me interesting enough (or sort of a daughter) that she now invited me to her and her husband’s joint birthday celebration. It’s nice because I like the couple but the problem is, they didn’t invite my landlady.

Should I go without informing my landlady? The community is small so I’m afraid my landlady will know eventually. If I tell her about me being invited while she’s not, it will definitely make her jealous of me and she’ll start being cold with the other lady. What should I do? Many thanks!

Signed, Patti


Hi Patti,

It sounds like you have had a nice relationship with your landlady up to now, one which you want to preserve. It can be very uncomfortable when disagreements or acrimony crops up between landlords and tenants, especially when they live close together.

Since you think your landlady may be upset about this awkward invitation, I think it’s best to let her know, in advance, rather than have her find out later and think you attended the party behind her back. However, she has no justifiable right to be angry at you because you weren’t the one who did the inviting.

One possible way to raise the issue would be to casually let her know you are going and to ask if she has been invited, too. In fact, she may have some explanation that will further put your mind at ease.

Hope this helps.

Best, Irene

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Comments (7)

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  1. Latasha says:

    Unfortunately, Maddie speaks the truth especially when it comes to Women Friends. We Women operate by a different set of rules as the men. Lots of gossip, back-biting, & hissy-fits. Not all of us, but enough of women so it sets a road block for forging lasting relationships. Sometimes, we have to make a choice as to what is more important. If you truly want to be an independent woman, start looking around for another place to live whee there are no hidden codicils or conditions in your lease contract. To live free of all obligations is a personal decision that a true adult person decides to make. sounds like you are co-existing with old children.

  2. Maddie says:

    If you value your relationship with your landlord, politely decline the invitation. Especially if you value your current living accommodations.

    It’s not fair, but it’s reality.

    You will be seen as a friend poacher.

  3. Latasha says:

    It seems when people get older they go back to the dynamics if Grade School & “Little Cliques.” I think that Amy F’s response is solid & in addition ask the New Friend why she did not include the Land Lady in her invitations? There maybe some past issues between them, you never know. It seems a shame that you have all this Drama not of your own making merely to attend a Birthday/Anniversary Party. Make new friends but keep the old, One is Silver & the Other is Gold, sighs.

  4. lottie says:

    Just a thought. You could mention the invite and suggest you go together by car if either of you drive. Then if there is a problem it will most likely rear it ugly head.

  5. lottie says:

    Irenes suggestion to check if there is an explanation as to why the land lady is not going I think is the best way forward.

    If they have fallout, personally I would not go. You don’t want to be on the wrong side of your landlady,if she gets jealous. I am not into mischief making,but it might be the other lady who is jealous if you are such a good tenant. Think very carefully. Lottie

  6. Amy F says:

    I like Irene’s suggested about being open with your landlady about the invitation. I’ve found being direct is the best way to avoid relationship complications.

    In this case, I’d probably talk to your new friend and tell her you’d love to come to the party, but are uncomfortable since your landlady wasn’t invited, which is the truth. I’d let her know I was interested in future one-on-one or two interactions, but considering the circumstances of your meeting, attending a party without your landlady so soon after she introduced you seems potentially hurtful.

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