• Making Friends

All I want is to have one friend

Published: May 23, 2015 | By | 6 Replies Continue Reading
A young teen has trouble making friends, hoping to get close to at least one friend at high school.



I have never written to you or any other site like this before, so I am very new at this. But I thought I would give it a try, thinking maybe some outside help/views on my situation would give me a new perspective on things.

I am 16 years old. I’m not shy but I am a bit introverted or “nerdy/geeky” but intelligent. Yet I always trying to put myself out there, putting 100 percent into everything I do. I’m silly and fun, very positive and optimistic, individualistic, always being my own person. I’m nice, inclusive, and enthusiastic, but I’m facing this problem: I don’t have any friends.

In elementary school and middle school I did have friends after a lot of struggle. I’ve always had problems making, which is why I was excited to go to a high school where I knew absolutely no one, a start fresh. I hoped I would find a group of friends that I would stay close with for a long time.

I have been at school for 9 months now, yet still I’m alone. I’ve tried smiling, helping everybody in my classroom with their questions about schoolwork when they ask me, yet I don’t feel any connection to them whatsoever. Instead, they exclude me from other activities that they do together even if they know I am watching. I always end up alone at lunch and for group projects and I don’t know what to do anymore.

I see people who came new to the school around the same time I did and they made friends RIGHT away yet I can’t. And I just don’t get it.

I don’t get why it hasn’t gotten better, and I don’t get why I can’t seem to make friends. I go to school and I have no one to talk to really, no one to eat lunch with, and I feel so alone. But there’s nothing “wrong” with me I know. I am used to being lonely but I’m getting just so sick and tired and sad of not being able to make any friends, or to maintain stable relationships with the ones I had (they all stopped talking to me months ago, and I see pictures of them getting together to go to the movies, and not inviting me).

All I want is to have at least one friend. I don’t want twenty or hundreds I just want one true friend that I can rely on and trust. I know this will be just a bump on the road, but it’s so hard not to focus on it right now because whether I like it or not, this high school crap is pretty prevalent in a teenager’s life. I just want some friends. And I just want to have fun. And I don’t know what I’m going to do. I need your advice.

Signed, Alicia


Dear Alicia,

Thanks for writing. I love your positive attitude, and the way you’ve really thought about your difficulties and tried to find solutions. You sound like the type of young woman who would make a great friend—sensitive, thoughtful, intelligent, kind, friendly, helpful.

I’ve noticed sometimes girls and women like you, who try so hard to make friends, might come across as too intense or trying too hard, which can be a turn-off.  One girl described this as walking around with a flashing sign on her forehead saying, “Be my friend.”

Finding a balance between enthusiastic and overeager can be difficult, when you want friends so badly. You’re already doing most of the things I’d suggest to a teen trying to make friends. I wonder if the solution for you is to try, not harder, but “smarter.”

Here are a few ideas:

Target shared passions

Sign up for clubs, sports or activities that interest you. If you like theater, working side by side with other “theater geeks” will help others see you as someone who is interested the same things.

Extend invitations

Ask a potential friend to the movies or shopping. (Sometimes people wait for others to take the initiative, forgetting others might also be hoping for those invitations).

Seek out loners

There are other girls who are experiencing the same phenomenon. Look for these potential friends to create your own social circle.

Don’t forget friends outside of school

Think about neighborhood friends, friends in different schools, different age friends, etc.

Good luck finding your “people.”

Signed, *Amy Feld

*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.

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Comments (6)

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  1. X says:

    Hi Alicia. I know you posted this a year ago and it might be far away now and you might never see this. Iv’e never done this before and I don’t know how this works really but I’m starting high school this year to and if it’s any comfort at all I just wanted to…tell you that you’re not alone. There are other people like you like us. We are beautiful people with dreams and wishes who want to go and see a movie or hang by the pool or go to the library or have a study session with. Unfortunately we haven’t found friends…yet. Now I can’t tell the future but I would definitely be friends with you because well…you sound…great. Trust me I’ve gone through the exact stuff you did to the point where I just have to delete Instagram and Snapchat and stop coming to school but if I want to be friends with you there have to be other people out there like me which means you’ll bump into someone eventully. I don’t know if you’ll ever find this but I just want to promise that you’re not alone and they’res nothing wrong with us. People are always telling me how funny and kind I am but I don’t really get it. It’s like everyone got a manual on how to have friends and they just ran out of copies for us but let me tell you a secret. You pick your head up and shine in the brilliance of yourself and eventually someone like me will see. It’d be hard not to. You’re not alone. None of us are.

  2. Fran says:

    Hello Alicia. It sounds to me like you are a very interesting and genuine young lady. I would say that you should always just be yourself. That may not sound very helpful but I have seen people trying to be something they’re not just to fit in, and then they lose respect from others. I’m on this site because I too have no real friends. Wait for it! I’m 65, tomorrow actually. You’re wonderful just as you are. Young people can be clicky I’m afraid. But some day you will meet someone who ‘gets you’ and you will ‘get them’. And this experience will help you in the long run. Perhaps if you get involved with some charity or club where your help is needed.Getting yourself out there and involved, you’re bound to meet new people. Good luck hun. Hope eventually you’ll have a great time.

  3. Naomi says:

    Hey girl, I’m a 17 year old in a similar position, except for the fact that this is my junior year, so I only have one year left. I have always had trouble making friends and used to have only one best friend since kindergarten for a couple years. Luckily, I managed to make two other friends this past year. Unfortunately, they don’t go to the same school as I, so I’m still a loner.
    In my school there are more people like me, a bit socially awkward people, and therefore I’m not bullied or anything. I also don’t really get ignored by most people once I truly try to get myself out of there.
    And it’s also not like I don’t have any social skills: once I get comfortable, I’m actually quite outgoing and at those times I also connect with others easily.
    So, why I don’t have any friends at school simply come down to three things: my lack of confidence, staying in the same pattern and just plain lack of luck that would put me in a group I belong to without putting in any effort.
    I’m telling you this, because I feel like especially the insecurity also plays a role in your life.
    So yeah, those tips sound like ones that could help you a great deal, but you may also have to do something else.
    Becoming more confident and getting out of your comfort zone/pattern both require a lot of effort to overcome or to even improve. I have tried to do it myself for years, but believe me, this is not something to do on your own. So search for help. Try to go to therapy first, but if it really doesn’t work you can also do something else. And go to the school counselor or a teacher you trust… And tell your parents about your feelings and stuff.
    And if you notice that you keep stuck in the same negative (thought)pattern, I recommend mindfulness for you. Look it up if you don’t know about it yet.

    • Niomi says:

      Hey my name is Niomi , and I can relate to your story idk if you’ll read or even see this but hopefully your in a better place now that your a senior I’m a senior now things kind of gotta better than last year but it’s still the same in some ways. Staying home on weekends and just not doing anything.

  4. Ang says:

    Hi Alicia, I agree, join clubs, any groups at school where you can meet people with similar interests. High school is tough, but I’m glad you have a positive attitude and is trying. Don’t give up. I know it’s hard being lonely. I’ve been there in high school before. I went through a period where I didn’t have friends. I also was very shy. You sound like a great girl, in time, someone will notice and be your friend. Just stick to what you feel is best. Good luck!

  5. Violet says:

    You sound like a very cool, self-aware, highly intelligent person. I would totally be your friend if I went to your school. I think Amy’s advice is spot on. School clubs and activities are a huge help… Being on yearbook helped me make some good friends, as well as photography club. I wish you the best, you sound like a rad girl and someone is going to be lucky to call you friend. 🙂

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