A young teen seeks advice on how to make friends with boys

Some of the rules of friendship are the same whether you want to make friends with boys or girls.

QUESTION

Hi,

How do I make friends with boys in my year?

I started Sixth Form this year and joined a new school. I moved from a private all-girls school to a private boys school with a co-educational sixth form. With only around ten other girls in the entire sixth form, you can see the boys out weigh us girls massively.

I had a bad start to my year as I was ill in hospital and when I did finally start school I was only going in part-time. Even now, with only a few days left before Christmas break, I’m still not there all the time and have had a lot of time off.

If I thought starting a new school and being ill was bad enough, my mum works at the same school. Although she doesn’t teach me, she teaches other people in my year and people in the year above. I am struggling befriending a lot of the boys as I’ve had a bad start and I’m worried they don’t trust telling me things because they think I might tell my mum and they therefore don’t want to be my friend.

I wondered if you had any advice on how I could be more confident in talking to the boys and becoming friends with them. All the other girls get on with them well and sometimes I feel like an outsider. As much as I enjoy lessons and school, I find break and lunch very awkward and sometimes find I have no one to talk to as I’m not very friendly with the boys and there are no girls around.

This problem is really getting me down and if you have any advice that would be brilliant.

Signed, Sasha

ANSWER

Dear Sasha,

You must be experiencing culture shock at your new school. Add being ill and missing so much school, I’m not surprised that you haven’t yet made a lot of friends.

Making friends with boys might feel awkward at first. Here are a few ideas:

• Focus on one or two guys who seem friendly and approachable.

• Find out what interests them. Sports? Music? Video games? For example, if they always talk about  a certain team familiarize yourself with the sport or team so you can participate in discussions.

• Don’t forget to say hello, smile and make eye contact.

• Join clubs or after-school activities where you can get to know people over a shared interest.

The upside of your theory that your classmates are avoiding you because of your mum is that they’ll also probably be nicer to you for fear of their meanness getting back to her.

You can use this opportunity to let your potential new friends know the awkwardness of having your mum teach in your school. Tell them you’ve got a rule not to talk about your friends to her. I knew a girl whose mother worked at her high school. She was hyper-aware and self-conscious until she realized that being friends with someone whose mother taught in the school made her friends feel special.

Good luck with your classmates. I hope you have happy holidays and a healthy 2016.

Signed, *Amy Feld

*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.

Tags: boys, friendships, guys, high school, sixth form, teen

Category: Teen friendships