• Resolving Problems

A teen is annoyed by a friend always changing plans at the last minute

Published: July 18, 2015 | Last Updated: July 18, 2015 By | 6 Replies Continue Reading
What can you do when a friend is always changing plans on you?


I have this friend who is always changing plans at the last minute. We will make plans to meet up and then at the last minute she will cancel and say she has to go do something with her family or she forgot about some plans, but then later I will find out that she made plans to hangout with someone else after we made plans.

We have always been really close, but lately she just seems to be making up excuses just so we don’t have to hang out. It’s getting annoying.

Thanks for the help, Jamie


Hi Jamie,

Gosh! That is so annoying when you plan your schedule around someone else and she flakes out on you.

Sometimes people do this because they are truly disorganized and don’t think ahead or forget about the plans they’ve made. Other times, they are self-centered, and seize a more appealing opportunity to do something with someone else even if they have already made prior plans with you.

Either explanation isn’t acceptable, especially if your friend thinks nothing of lying to you. How can you trust other things she tells you? Lies have a way of weakening the bonds of friendships.

If you decide that you want to maintain a friendship, you need to have a talk and point out what’s been happening. Sometimes, people aren’t even aware they are disappointing someone else. If your conversation suggests your friend simply doesn’t care about how she is treating you, you may want to step back from the friendship and treat her more like an acquaintance than a close friend.

You deserve friends who are honest, respect you, and meet their commitments.

Hope this helps.

My best, Irene

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Comments (6)

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  1. Tara says:

    Hi Jamie,

    I can imagine that is getting annoying. Adult friends behave like this and I had one that was very much like this. I like Irene and Amy F’s statements about talking with your friend. When I have done this, I didn’t know how to approach it and Amy F brings up good points. When I talked with my friend, I talked about how I felt in relation to her behaviors – “I feel disrespected when plans are often broken at the last minute. Could the next time, let me know in advance if it isn’t going to work out?” Some people are disorganized or poor time managers, and that is okay as long is it doesn’t cross my time boundary. Disorganized people may not have the intention of being disrespectful of another’s time, it is the behavior where it crosses someone’s else boundary that has to improve.

    Good luck with whatever decision you make.

  2. Erin says:

    I am a bit disorganized and frequently change plans with my friends. It is usually because I say yes before checking to make sure that I am in fact available. Other times it is because I feel tired from work, etc and am no longer in the mood. BUT if she flakes out on you to hang out with someone else, then maybe you should examine the friendship and make sure nothing is going on. Or hang out with other people and simply let her reach out to you if she wants to hang out.

    [Last name deleted by moderator. Please do not use last names on this blog. Thanks!]

  3. Lisa says:

    This is a bit of selfishness going on here. You know how to be a friend but she does not. This unfortunately happens with every age of people. If a better offer comes up then you are out!! I have had people say when I asked them if they want to do something, ” I don’t know what I’m doing yet” HELLO!! I am asking you, so if you have nothing planned, you will be doing something. It makes me so angry when people do this.
    When I hear this from someone, I don’t ask them anymore to do something. You are better than a second fiddle for this so called friend. Find another friend who values you and your friendship. Good luck to you.


  4. lottie says:

    How annoying for you.I fully understand how you feel. The problem being she has absolutely no thought or consideration for your TIME. It means nothing to her to mess you about.
    She makes several arrangements and picks the best option to suit her needs. Almost like being offered several jobs!!! and she doesn’t know which to choose.
    Selfish arrogant madam,who thinks your time is for her to use.
    See her off or buy her an old fashioned diary making sure you give it to her saying “to help you remember”.If she gets annoyed,laugh out loud in her face. Stop letting her get away with it.
    I used to know someone who had two old fashioned diaries and she would have her positives in one and possibles in another.The cheek of it.No regard for other people.After once or twice of messing I would not make any more arrangements with her. Stop letting her waste your time. Lottie

  5. Amy F says:

    That is very annoying. I know people like that, and for whatever reason, she’s not a reliable friend. If I truly likes her, I’d keep being her friend, but not plan activities with her. If she wants to make plans, tell her that you’ve been disappointed with her changing plans and you don’t wan to set yourself up for being hurt, angry or disappointed so you’re declining.

    If you can’t trust your friend to tell the truth, you have no basis for a friendship.

    I like Irene’s idea to talk to your friend.
    -Pick a time when neither of you us distracted, not right after she’s disappointed you.
    -Stick to the topic of changing plans and canceling, don’t bring up old issues
    -Use I statements (I feel hurt when you cancel).
    -Avoids words like always and never
    -Try not to express yourself in a way that she feels like she gas to defend herself.
    -Don’t bring other friends into the conversation

  6. Carol says:

    I agree with everything Irene suggested. It took me a very long time to know it’s up to me to feel I can trust someone who calls me friend and I him or her. We all have to decide our definition of how to define the word friend for ourselves. Maybe take some time and ask yourself what the word friend mean to you personally, then either have friends who fit your needs and if not, move on. I am a person who chooses to talk openly and honestly with my friends. Usually it helps to make us closer and know we can rely on each other. It’s hard personal work to be honest with others if that is what we want from our friends. Best to you on your journey of friendship building.


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