7 Tips for being an unequivocally B-O-R-I-N-G friend
Here are some simple tips to nip a new friendship in the bud or to sabotage an existing one:
1) Do it her way
Abrogate all responsibility for the friendship to your friend. Let her do all the planning—including where, when and what. When you do get together, don’t initiate any conversation, or show interest or enthusiasm. Respond minimally, using as few words as possible, and only in response to direct questions.
2) Be humorless
Treat everything seriously. Contain any outward appearances of laughter or smiles when your friend says something funny.
3) Act entirely predictably
Never try anything new. Demand that you always do exactly the same things, in exactly the same ways, in exactly the same places. Never mix it up or expand your twosome. Why? You always did it that way.
4) Play the same tapes over and over
Repeat stories you’ve told before in exquisite detail. Avoid eye contact to be sure you aren’t reminded that you did or interrupted. If yawning sets in, ignore it. If she tries to speak or ask a question, interrupt her.
5) Stay focused—on you
Talk only about yourself, what you have, and what you’ve done. Ask no questions and show no interest in your friend or in the larger world around you. Avoid real interaction by telling long-winded stories.
6) Skim the surface
Be sure all conversation remains impersonal and unimportant. Don’t express feelings or discuss anything remotely meaningful. Focus only on the past; never the present.
7) Overstay your welcome
Ignore any signs of boredom. If you’re at her house, stay as late as you can. If you’re in a public place, stay until the owner or manager looks at you funny or seems headed to the door with a big ring of keys.
Any other ways you can positively ID a boring friend?
If you’re frustrated because your friend is the one who is boring, take a look at two related posts on The Friendship Blog:
5 Tips for Handling a Friend Who Talks Incessantly
A Friendship Stuck in Dullsville
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I think that having a friend who is supportive is good. But it’s also nice to have some good tension where a friend will disagree once in a while. Having a friend that agrees with all our perspectives. Nice to have a difference of opinions.
This is a friend I have no interest in having, or being, for that matter! How about adding this: Pretend you’re listening when you’re really not, and ask the same question over and over because you really don’t care about the answer anyway.
It’s definitely not a disease! Having a bit of insight is the first step towards making a turnaround. Don’t change who you are but make very small changes in behavior.
Hope this helps!
Best,
Irene
OMG! I think I may be a boring friend! In my efforts to stay amenable and not offend anyone, I have killed anything interesting about myself that would make me friend-worthy.
Okay, so I have diagnosed the disease, so how do I cure it?