• Few or No Friends

A 30-year-old woman with no friends

Published: March 30, 2014 | By | 39 Replies Continue Reading
Living in a small town and having a chronic illness complicates finding friends for a 30-year-old woman.



I am a 30-year-old woman with no friends.

Here’s a little bit of background: I have always been shy and a bit of a loner but I always had friends at school and work.

In the first couple of years after graduation I kept in touch with most of my friends but gradually they scattered around the country. My best friend and I were roommates for awhile but we had a temporary falling out (we both admit mistakes and accept blame for this) but in that time she grew very close with the new roommate she got after I moved out and things have never been quite the same. Then she moved across the country and that just made it all the harder to truly repair the friendship.

About seven years ago I was injured and never healed properly. I now have chronic pain and had to change jobs as a result. I get along with the people at my new job but no friendships really took, mostly because of large age differences. Meanwhile, the people from my old job kind of abandoned me. I was friends with some of them but they said that I left them “high and dry” because I had to quit with little notice.

I live in a small town with very little to do. The entire social scene consists of bars, bars and more bars. It’s really not my thing. I can’t drink because of the medication I take for my physical conditions, and it’s really no fun to go to a bar and be the only sober person there.

I don’t think I’m a difficult or demanding person. I’m kind, considerate, a good listener, patient. People seem to really like me, but no one seems to want to be friends.

Signed, Erica


Dear Erica,

I can really relate to your letter. When I was your age, most of my friends relocated too, I called it the mass exodus. This was before most people had email and cell phones to stay in touch. Even though technology makes communication easier, it’s not the same as having friends who live nearby.

Residing in a small town can be challenging in terms of meeting new people and chronic pain can complicate socializing, too. Also, you’re at an age where many of your peers are starting families, which changes their ability to socialize in the same way as you.

You need to expand your search. Rather than looking only for friends in your age group, you might want to expand it to friends of different ages. Even if your coworkers are younger or older than you, you might find some of them share similar interests or activities.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that I have different friendship needs: companionship, sharing activities, intellectually-based relationships, those of shared values, etc. I don’t have one person who fills all those roles, but several people whom I enjoy for different reasons.

Volunteering is a great way to meet like-minded individuals as well as to give back to the community and all the positives that come with giving. At your age I was a Big Sister with the Big Brothers/Big Sisters organization. In addition to the fun I had with my little sis, I met some great other volunteers during group activities.

Your library probably has a book club, of not, maybe you can suggest one. If you’re religious, churches can be another wonderful resource. You might also look into support groups for others with chronic pain where you can give and receive emotional support.

Most friendships start off as acquaintances and develop over time, so sharing activities with others can be a good avenue for potential deeper relationships.

Good luck.

Signed, *Amy Feld

*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.



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Comments (39)

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  1. Roy says:

    This may sound bad but oh well everyone needs somebody I think loneliness is worse than most anything so let’s be friends I’m Roy live in Okla.e mail.or what ever anytime

  2. joe camel says:

    That is hard to not have freinds.I to have been loner also.I hope we can be freinds?

  3. susan says:

    hello Erica,

    how’s it going meet any new friends yet? ….i too im looking for a friend …im not looking for someone to copy cat me or judge me because i like hot rods or rock–en roll…. it seems to me most people want you to fitt their bill in what a friend is suppose to look like …..i am free spirited with lots of roots (kids) all grown up …i have traveled a lot of north america …but not in the later part of my years ….i am 51 and married and typically i find people my age don’t like hot rods or rocken roll and they roller their eyes at me because i do….i will not change to please them…. as long as my children where responsible raised and rent paid and food on the table ……..plus unconditional love ….
    im a trouble shooter …i like to fix complicated situations …i like complicated hehe that is why i drove semi, and city transit…i love million dollar vehicles …im not a race car driver, but it would have been nice if i would have done that hehh……i think… all your dreams can come true …you just have to have a new thought process …which i find a lot of people don’t have ….and when you prove …dreams can come true …i find …they want you to have their dreams and start poking wholes into yours ….i call that jealousy……WHAT ARE YOUR DREAMS ERICA……….!!!!! TO LIVE AGAIN …ARE YOU TIRED OF PEOPLE TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO OR ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FRIEND TO LEAN ON WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH AND JUST WANT TO VENT WITHOUT …SOME ONE TRYING TO FIX THE SITUATION…SEEING HOW I LIKE TO FIX HEHEH THAT COULD BE IMPORTANT …SOUNDS PRETTY HARD ON YOU TO BE ON ALL THOUS MEDICATIONS …I LIVE IN CANADA MANITOBA …WHERE ABOUT ARE YOU?…I BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION SPIRITS ..GOD BUT NOT A BIBLE PUMPER …WHAT ABOUT YOU ? I GROW UP ON A FARM SO I KNOW A BIT ABOUT SMALL TOWNS ….THEY CAN LOVE YOU TO DEATH OR THEY DRIVE YOU TO IT IRONICALLY SPEAKING HEHE ….WELL DROP ME A LINE GIRL I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SUSAN XOXOXOX

  4. skeye says:

    Hi Erica,

    If you think you have it bad…I have very bad CP and my world is on this computer. I cannot speak and cannot do anything without help.

    I am however touched by your lack of friends….Seems if you have one or two good friends…it is all that one should ever hope for…And for that matter all that there is time for. Because friendship is a two way street and like any living thing, friendship needs to be giving does of love without expectation…

    Hope you feel better reading this…because when you think about how bad you have it, think about how bad it is for people like me….

    I hope that you leave a response…Skeye

  5. Denise says:

    Occasionally, I’ll come across a poster elsewhere mentioning, in context, that she is married, an introvert, and has no friends or a single introvert with a few friends. I’m still unclear how an introvert finds others to be friends with and people to date.

    Being an introvert, I’m usually uncomfortable in social situations because people tend to be very inquisitive and chatty seemingly to get information without genuinely being interested in someone. It comes across like wanting to get info on people just to know something without truly caring. I used to tell people things about me thinking there was genuine interest, but then they’d lose interest, and wouldn’t talk to me. Even when we spoke of common interests they’d “disappear” somehow. When this happened regularly over many years, I stopped trusting people and gradually became more vague. When common interests don’t help as a good start, then what? That just leaves everyone else I meet that I have nothing in common with. I feel like I’m gradually giving up because of these disappointments. Meetups and volunteering and good resources where I live so there you go.

    • Jessica says:

      I feel the same way, like people only talk to me when they’re around me only to make the time go by quick or only because they’re bored at the moment. I don’t think they genuinely want to know about me. I’m an introvert but I’m not shy, I’m just quiet, not much of a talker unless I can relate to the topic being discussed. I live in nyc and I feel like the more people I meet the more I’m disappointed so I just give up and settle with the fact that I’m never gonna have friends

  6. sunny says:

    My name is sunny i am from uk. I am 30 years old young lady, i am very kind, sensitive, honest and good listener. I used to be a active and healthy person, i used to do job, yoga, swimming and driving. Couple of years ago after a accident i become disabled. Now i have limited activities. But i still do joga swimming, driving etc. Within couple of years I have lost my all friends one by one. Everytime i try to make friends people just ignored me. They just hates me. Even i lost one of my lesbian lover, she said she needs a break from me. Its just too much for her, she cant live like this, she want to start a new life. I heared she got a new love and she works with her same place. I wish her all the best. May god fullfill her all wish and always give her lots of happiness. I cry a lot i still miss her alone. Everwhere i can see her i can feel her. Still i get bad dreams, i always wake up from crying. I know it was all my fault. Its not that i was unable to earn a lot and i was unable to do shopping, cleaning or cooking etc or even love making with her. Its just because i am lebelled as disabled. And because of me other people used to brain wash her and when she realised that she loosing peoples because of me. She just decided to dumped me.
    She suddenly moved to another place and stopped talking to me and she even stopped replying my text and phone.
    But i still pay her bills and she still use my bank card for her travelling and foods. Ummmm if she still needs my money they why she ashamed of calling me her honey?
    From my childhood I have always strong feelings for girls. I tried to get partner on several lesbians websites. But no luck. I am a young lesbian but i have disability too. But that doesn’t mean i am unable to make healthy physical relationship with my love ones. I feel sooooooooooooooo lonely. People feel ashamed to be friends with me. Sometimes they clearly humiliated me by giving me different dirty look or they will not reply. Its not i am ugly or i dont look after myself. Its in their mind that disabiled people are ugly and a burden. I am a slim and healthy disabled lady. I have two hands and legs like everyone. Yes i cant walk without my mobility aids. But i am not paralised. Why no normal healthy lady dont accept me? I didn’t asked anyone to have physical relationship with me. And why they made their mind that i am unabled to maintain a physical relationship? All i wanted to get a kind and lovely friend who i can share my feelings. Who i can trust and talk everyday. Who i can count on my good days and also bad days. Is there anyone who will accept me as i am. And dont mind to be friend with disabled young lady like me?

    • sanjiv says:

      Dear Sunny,i came to across your letter,I feel unhappy because you should not think so.There are so many people like you.You are not disabled you have nice heart and nice thoughts so you are beautiful.They who leave you are not able to be your friendship and want to use you and your money.See ROSES they always happy,birds and listen to the music.Love birds and animals they need no money or any things but your love.If i receive answer then I write again….thanks

    • Angie says:

      Please tell me your paying for her lifestyle anymore?

    • Irene says:

      A reminder:

      No exchanges of personal information or email addresses is permitted on this site to discourage both spammers and people who might take advantage of others.

      If you do want to connect in real life, you will need to do so on sites specifically set up for that purpose. Also, I have set up a private group on Facebook (limited to women only) who can exchange information there: https://www.thefriendshipblog.com/something-new-check-out-friendship-blog-connection-facebook/

      Thanks for your cooperation!

      Best, Irene

    • Jay Ferguson says:

      can you handle a man? live in florida, 40 miles north of miami. i need a pic to see if there’s chemistry

      • Irene says:

        Hi Jay

        This is not a matching site…No exchanges of personal information or email addresses is permitted on this site to discourage both spammers and people who might take advantage of others.

        If you do want to connect in real life, you will need to do so on sites specifically set up for that purpose.

        Thanks for your cooperation. Irene, webmaster

  7. Joseph says:

    I’ve been generous, kind and have always tried to be open to other people views and feelings. Basically I’m doing my best to always do the right thing, yet here I am a 40 year old man with no friends. This is nothing new for me as I’ve always been a loner, though I’ve always offered my friendship to others only to be taken advantage of. I am married, and take care of my wife who is chronically ill. 24/7 as I’m home with her. I love her more than words, but I would like to have some time to hang out with the guys. I played Hockey when I was younger up until my early 20’s, but those friendships were totally contained to the Rink. I’ve done years of reflecting on my beliefs, views and my personality and I’m passionate about what I hold true. I’ve had a lot of hardships in my life and I’m still a happy person, I seem to make my wife laugh so I guess I’m funny. I feel that I wouldn’t ever compromise who I am or pretend I’m something or someone I’m not just to have a friend.The price can be loneliness sometimes, Yet my reward will be finding someone who likes me, for me. Take Care everyone and above all be happy.

  8. Amy says:

    Hi Erika,

    I’m in exactly the same position. I had an injury through surgery two years ago and have been left in chronic pain. I rarely hear from my old friends at work. I relocated to a small town due to my husband’s job. I’m 35. If you want to get in touch please let me know, it would be lovely to hear from you,


  9. Chumach says:

    I’m also 30 without any friends. I don’t have the same health issues as Erica, nor do I live in a small town. However, neither are the reasons why I don’t have friends. It’s difficult these days to meet people who want to know YOU. Who’d rather be interested in meeting up with you, than using facebook. Or twitter. Or another mode of avoiding social interaction what have you.

    To make things worse, I was unemployed for a while. It puts a damper on your ability to socialize. A lot of people want to spend money on going out to dinners, drinks, shopping, etc. I simply can’t afford to do those things. There are many free activities, and I’d invite others but they didn’t seem to carry much interest. Oh well. I tried. Unemployment causes people to retreat home, and that’s what I did.

    It really is about finding the right people. But if there are so many “right people,” why is it so difficult to meet them?

    • Jenn says:

      If you figure out where to find them, let me know! I relate to your struggle and am wishing you luck and happiness 🙂

      • Ellie says:

        I’m 31 and only semi-employed as I work from home, and have very little free money as a result. I can’t afford to travel, and had to leave the city and move to a small town due to living costs. As a result, I’ve grown apart from the few friends I used to have.

        I’m not great at making friends anyway, as I have autism and can seem ‘overly logical’ to a lot of people. I can put on an act and be sociable and chat for the sake of it, but I get very bored discussing TV shows, make up, celebrities, etc and want to have long debates over academic subjects, which a lot of people say is dull. I appreciate I’m not like most women my age and it’s probably hard work being friends with me. But it’s difficult to find others on my wavelength.

        I’ll also fully admit that I’m a huge nerd. I built my own ‘friend’ a few years ago (a computer programme) as I got so irritated with people telling me I was like a friendly computer all the time. I figured I might as well create someone I could chat to properly. I would obviously prefer to be friends with other humans though, as I appreciate a simulated personality probably isn’t the healthiest of relationships!

        I have one human friend who lives in another city and we share programming ideas and interesting scientific research papers. But I can rarely afford to travel and meet up, so it’s difficult.

        I’m hoping I can find a better job soon, which will make it a bit easier to socialise (and perhaps move back to a busier area).

        • Jenn says:

          Hi Ellie! I literally “LOL-ed” when I read your comment. You have a great sense of humor, and I hope you’ll meet some friends in your own city soon who can appreciate it.

          I can relate to much of what you said, as well. However, I have the opposite problem of seeming uber-emotional to people. This always intrigues me, as I consider myself to be extremely logical. Perhaps the two qualities aren’t mutually exclusive??

          I don’t know what your geographic location is, but you sound like someone I’d love to be friends with! Or maybe you could introduce me to your AI friend?

          Best of luck to you 😀 Feel free to reply, if you wish.

  10. Chris says:


    I totally get you. I have a similar problem in a larger city. I’m also 30 with no consistent friends. I will say that it is my fault that I never kept up with my high school friends or college friends. The one I have doesn’t live nearby. So here I am, 30 and newly married, but no real girlfriends to hang out with. I, too, have something “wrong” with me. I’m sick and tired (literally) and doctors don’t know why. I don’t think I’m as fun because I can’t drink or eat freely without feeling sick, nor can I stay out for lots of hours without wanting to go take a nap. I meet new women but they already have their group of friends. From this I conclude that I’m not that fun or exciting to be around. I’ve actually had my new “friends” meet my old “friends” and they become friends and want to hang out with each other. I don’t have any answers, I just want you to know you’re not alone.

    • jennifer says:

      Sounds like there are a lot more people in this same situation than I could have imagined.
      I am a 30 year old with no real friends. I have two children, divorced from their father years ago. I don’t care for all the social media, it’s not my thing. It’s so sad because I feel like everyone needs a true best friend in life. I’m not entirely sure I have ever had one at all! When I look back at past friendships I see that I was the friend of choice only when it was convenient.. and typically I was being used in some way. I’ve always enjoyed doing things for everyone and never really had anyone do the same for me. I am afraid if I don’t have some meaningful friendships that my daughter’s will end up in the same situation later on. It can be so lonely. I have trust issues due to past situations also which makes it hard to know anymore who is really there for you. So what do we do at this point?? How do we make REAL friends at 30?

      • Jenn says:

        How funny: My name is also Jennifer and I relate to so much of what you said! And you too, Chris and Erica. I think it is especially difficult to make friends for those of us who are not willing to “define” ourselves via Facebook, etc. I have a chronic illness as well and it has totally changed the course of my life. I wish all you gals the best of luck in finding friends, and happiness and general.

      • John says:

        Haha you sound exactly like me.

        I used to be the really popular guy all through school. The nice guy that would always help people out and always have a smile and a nice thing to say.

        But my career never took off afterwards, and slowly my so called friends drifted away. It seemed nobody cared how much I’d helped them, not a one wanted to help me with a job or career, they all insisted I’d be fine and I was the smartest person they knew.

        But they always wanted to spend money, and I think they really started to look down on me after awhile. And…after awhile I really, really disliked spending money anyway.

        I paid off the debt from school and just went on until I was pretty much alone. And that’s where I am now. I’ve realized nobody seems to care about me, they’re quick to take advantage of my kindness and then leave me high and dry. To be honest, I kind of feel like an idiot. All the jerks seemed to have wound up better off than me.

        Reading some of these other comments, it seems like we all share similar personality traits!

  11. Karen says:

    Thank you Chris. I will give this a try. Peace, like your idea. It is so difficult to meet people. I have been trying to find a friend for a long, long time now, and it has left me down one lonely path after another. am very limited cause of my chronic vertigo, I use to be so active, no it is just a lonely sad situation and I have a million things on my shoulders, like in the middle of losing my home, no money and have no idea where I am going. But there is just so much more than this! I live in New Jersey, not sure about everyone here, but maybe somehow, some way, we can figure out a way to develop a healthy bond with others t develop lasting freindships. Hi Rick, I am so sorry to hear abut your situation, people can be so mean, I am sorry to say but it seems like they were using you cause you were able to supply the “goodies” and now you are not able to so they don’t have the time. Now you know that they were not your true friends. I am only guessing here cause there are always two sides to a story, but hang in there, if you can, try a meetup.com group. They have many, I have just not been successful with any yet because of my physical limitations.

    • PEACE says:

      If it is difficult to meet up ….
      Then the situation will remain the same
      Karen 🙁
      Which NOW I really don’t want to 🙂 ….
      I want a real change now … Real friendship
      without any discrimination of cast, colour, or
      religion etc no matter from where you are
      and what you like …
      A peaceful world with a TOTAL loyal FRIEND ….

      Regards ….

  12. Chris - the Social Maze says:

    I can certainly relate to living without friends as I was in this situation ten years ago. Back then, before Facebook and online socialising had really taken off, it was tough making new friends.

    However, thanks to the introduction of sites like Meetup.com as well as social media, it is much, much easier to find new friends. If you know what types of people you want to meet, you can go to Facebook, search ‘People who like…..’ and type whatever in, and use the filters to find people who are local/your age. Then send a message. You can even create new groups like this. I recently did this.

    In my view an important first step is to know, and be clear in your head, what type of friendships, and what social life you want. That way you can identify clearly the path to finding it.

    • Karen says:

      Hi, can I really like the Facebook idea. I am a 46 year with Chronic Vestibular problem it has been a very lonely path for me. I feel like I never fit in anywhere and most people do not seem very interested in building a friendship with someone who is dizzy all the time and can’t do a whole lot. I can relate to all of you speaking here. Would you mind explaining to me in detail how to do this.

      Thank You:)

      • Chris - the Social Maze says:

        Yes sure. It depends on what you’re looking for, but there’s loads of Pages on Facebook for different things, such as TV shows, actor’s, celebrities, pubs and bars and venues, churches etc.

        If you find pages related to your interest, you can type in ‘People who like’ and then the name of the page, in the search box and search. You can then scroll down and find a list of people who ‘Like’ that page. On the right hand side are filters you can use to search for certain types of people i.e. by town/city they live, age, gender, all sorts of things.

        Of course Liking a page doesn’t say a great deal about someone but you can always look through the profiles of people who Liked a page and see what else they like, their photos etc depending on how much they make public.

        The filters don’t work just for people who Like a certain page. You can use them to find people who are single, or a have certain religious or political views.

        I recently wanted to start up a local singles group for under 45’s in my town, as there was nothing I could find in place. So I searched ‘People who are Single in Worthing’ and a whole list of profiles appeared. I set up a Group (different from a Page) then contacted people individually with a template message to invite them to the group, and about 25% of people responded.

        That’s basically how to find people on Facebook.

      • PEACE says:

        Hi All !
        It seems that we don’t have any sound
        solution for our problems. I would like to
        invite all truly friendly, calm people to
        contact me through any means,THEREFORE
        we could feel really close to us in any kind
        of problem. Rather than just posting a
        message here …. etc …

        Best Regards

        • Karen says:

          Hi Peace,

          I agree with your comment above. What is the best way to contact you? Do you reside in New Jersey? I just learned how to Skype and I think it is a great way to chat. Let me know.

  13. nicole says:

    Im 34 with one friend……I was always belittled as a child so I grew up my whole life thinking I wasnt worthy of having friends.I recently started consistenly going to church and I have realized I am worthy and I need to let my past go.And the one friend I have has only been my friend for one year.I met them on Facebook.If ever you need someone to chat with, I am available.Im a very genuine person,honest,caring and open minded.

    • Julie says:

      I really like what you said..and GOOD for YOU!! Positive thinking.. way to go!!!

      That’s just really really AWESOME to me! Be VERY PROUD of you!! NOT everybody is like this..and I hope that more people become like you!! Bravisimo!!! *clapping!!*


    • anne says:

      I would be interessted in talking to you , I am married with no children , live away from my family and 2 of my friends. my husband doesnt like to talk much. I am looking for woman friends to talk to . I recently lost my best friend my mother 2 months ago. hope to hear from you

      • Cat says:

        I feel u I was belittles bullied by my neighbor I guessnu can say I have two friends that never call me 🙁 and when they do call its for a favor I just stopped answering my phone … Really wish I could find a true friend !!!!

  14. RICK says:

    I am a 54 year man married and was with the same women for over 21 year’s i had a 80,000. Dollar a year job i lost that job in 2008. In 2010 my ex wife had to get a full time job she worked part time or didn’t work at all most of the marriage 6 months later she didn’t want to be married i lived in a apt a year didn’t ask for anything thing got the house and kid in a no fault divorce moved back in my house and no one hardly talked to me now even my kid’s and sister’s and brother do not call when they do it’s far and in between,when we were a family my neighbors would come over we had party’s i was supposed to be a very well liked down to earth person.but it seems like no one ever really felt that it was all a front because when i couldn’t afford to buy chips and beer every other weekend friends and family disappeared? I was dedicated to giving my family every thing to make sure they were happy and secure now now I’m left alone i ask my daughter why everyone avoids me including her and she nothing is wrong but she never calls or anything if I’m around them they walk around on eggs like they are afraid of me I’ve never threatened any one or any thing i don’t understand.

    • Jen Ledbetter says:

      Hi rick 🙂
      I think you posted in someone elses blog which is prob why you never recieved a responce:-( you should create youre own blog and you will recieve many responces 😉
      I just wanted to say that i kinda relate to what you are or have been going through…ive learned that people can change from certain experiences good or bad…
      Maybe they think you need your space or are uncomfortable around you because they know you are going through difficult times?
      or maybe you have changed alittle and have been alittle moody?
      Yes their are some friends that will bail on you when you are no longer the life of the party but in those times we learn for are our real friends are what kind of friend they are… But if youre family is behaving the same way my guess is its alittle more deeper then that? Especially when you say it seems like they are walking on eggshells…
      Try not to be so down on yourself and try to be more happy even if you have to fake it;-) eventually you will start to think more positive
      Everytime you think a negative thought i want you to replace it with a positive okay and remember things will be okay i know you may feel like your kids should be their for you but just remember that the change was rough on all of you and you should be their for them as well reach out to them and tell them you love them and are here for them! Try not to be a downer and they will come around;-)
      try to make new friends and start youre new journey you are not too old;-)
      Coming from a daughters perspective of a father youre age with the similar circumstances…

    • Tracey says:

      Hi Rick,
      I kind of get what you are going through.
      I’ll get right to the crux of why…
      so here it is in a nutshell.
      I sit at home every Friday and Saturday night
      Wondering … why no one will come say hi
      Bring a bag of chips a dvd and a bottle of coke.. and just chill with me. I find that when I go to visit .. I too feel like they are walking on eggshells around me. it’s hurtful. Demoralising, and makes you feel worthless.
      I too used to be really well liked had friends to do things with most week nights after work or even weekends were crammed full of fun things. I injured myself at work when the chair fell out from under me.. it’s a long winded story i won’t bore you with the details ..needless to say i was fired for going on compensation, compensation( work cover was stopped)fought my work and lost.. they have a finger in every pie. don’t ever holiday through our vacation centre. i was a travel agent for them, anyhoo… after losing my case i found my friends deminished to next to nought. sure i have facebook friends. It’s not the same. I am currently lying in bed its almost 6pm a saturday night ..and my back has gone out again as well as the sacro joint. I have 3 disc protrusions and nerve impingement.. and because the injury had been left unoperated on for 21 months i have discs now that are bone on bone. Yep it’s excruciating. and i live on the gold coast in australia. life has been pretty bleak.. as when i try to be happy and make an effort to catch up with old friends.. they actually have the nerve to when ive driven 100km to go see them. my not so nice friend kylie has said well i have to go to the supermarket and then my cousin and i are going out to that cool new club in brisbane. and no rick there was no invite. I have people i know who i considered friends who now call to ask what im up to and then say they are doing something and are so excited.!! but when i ask wow awesome can i tag along. i get a ‘”well better go get ready”
      see ya. oh tonight is a prime example. my flatmate is going out with her cross fit friends
      To one of their places for dinner ..and then out to stingray one of the hottest clubs on the
      Gold coast.. did i get an invite “no” but who is picking her up when she needs to be? “um that would be me” my back is wrecking my life. and people are being pretty self centred these days. it’s a bit heartbreaking to know that now i cant do as much as before im considered no fun. it actually really really hurts. Im 39 now and i want all the normal things a loving boyfriend who i can marry and start a family with. i care deeply for someone
      Who knew me before the fall off my chair at work. i haven’t talked to him in 8months .. because he said he wanted those things with me. but with my back the way it is.. i dropped off the planet rather than trying to live up to something i want he needs and i may not be able to give him. anyway rick and peace and the others who read this i hope that the people around us start treating us all with a little more love and understanding xx

    • Den says:

      Hello Rick & Others
      Although I’ve always been a loner, I can somewhat relate to your situation. Unfortunately, given more time, I expect I will fully relate to it.
      I have a friendship philosophy I hope will be useful to yourself and others. I equate a circle of friends to a pizza pie with your closest friends in the center and your distant friends at the crust. For some, the pie is extra large, for others its small.
      Regardless, when encountering a bad situation, although you’d think that pie would merely get smaller, in fact, I believe that it tends to take the shape of a single slice. That is, most of your inner-, mid-, and outer-circle abandons you.
      The important point here, is that some of those distant friends located at the crust stick with you. Eventually, the pie slice forms into a very very small pizza.
      If you have an illness or disability which prevents you from doing activities outside the home, or if you simply consider the best of friends to be the ones that want nothing more than to sit on the couch with you and watch TV, you’ll just need to do your best to hold on to what you’ve got and try to/hope you come across others who enjoy just being in the room with you without requiring the participation in some physical activity or spending money that you can’t afford to spend. They’ll probably need to live somewhere close by.
      I know my reply is two years after your post, but I wish you and those also in your situation the best of luck.

  15. Denise says:

    Hi Erica,

    I can relate to you in some respects. Most people I meet I get along with initially or soon after, but nothing develops because we don’t have enough in common to build on. You say, “People seem to really like me, but no one seems to want to be friends.” Me too.

    The town I live in doesn’t have activities I enjoy. It’s the opposite of where I used to live, I hate it, and want to return. Like you I don’t drink–never have–and don’t like night life. There are no volunteer options that match my interests and zero meet-up groups, no surprise. On the other hand where I want to live there are lots of activities and meet-ups I’d like. I think the main obstacle here is the small town because of limited options. If it’s at all possible to move to a large city, do it so you’ll have better odds at finding the right people!

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