Son in high school has no friends since moving from India

A mom worries that her son has made no friends since moving from India.

QUESTION

Hi,

We recently moved to the U.S. from India. I have one 16-year-old son who started high school last week but he feels so alone at school. He says no one talks to him.

He wasn’t like this before. But after coming to the U.S. he doesn’t seem comfortable with this new culture. He has an average command of the English language.

I don’t know what to do. He is insisting that I send him back to India. I am totally confused so your guidance will be helpful.

Signed, Worried Mom

ANSWER

Hi Worried Mom,

I’m glad you wrote. Moving is never easy for teens and your son has experienced a more complicated move than most. It’s normal for a young teen to miss their friends at home after a move, especially at the very beginning of the school year.

One suggestion: I would recommend that you find other Indian immigrants who are in a similar situation. This could help with his transition. Perhaps there is a church near your home attended by those of Indian descent. If you live in a city or suburbs, there are probably associations of ex-pats. The guidance counselor at school might also be able to help in this regard.

A few other ideas:

• Talk to your son’s guidance counselor to see if he/she can assist in introducing him to other Indians or Indian-Americans at school, perhaps even in other grades.
• If there are no other Indians or Indian-Americans at school, there are still likely to be some kids who will embrace him. These may include recent immigrants from other countries. Help your son figure out how to meet those kids.
• Ask your son to give his new school and classmates at least a year before considering going back to India (if this is a feasible possibility you’d consider).
• Empathize with his feelings while expressing optimism that his situation will improve. His English will also improve now that he’s immersed in the country, culture and school.
• If your son is experiencing depression or anxiety that lasts longer than two weeks, seek professional guidance. His doctor or the school can refer him to a therapist to help him adjust.

Don’t give up. I know things feel bleak now and how heavily this must weigh on you, too. I hope your son starts feeling more comfortable soon.

Signed, Amy Feld

*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.

Tags: ex-pat, high school, immigrant, India, moving, no friends

Category: HAVING NO FRIENDS, no friends