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Wisdom from Whitney: Rx for being a less needy friend

December 18, 2008 | By | 1 Reply Continue Reading

I recently received this post from a reader named Whitney that I thought was worth sharing. Whitney was fortunate to have a good friend—who gave her honest feedback about her neediness— without making Whitney feel totally hurt or bent out of shape. Whitney also seems to have a fair degree of insight into her own behavior. As a result of the two factors, she’s found a way to reduce her neediness, which will hopefully work for her and make her a better friend. Thanks for sharing your story, Whitney!

 

Dear Irene:

Wow. This blog has definitely helped me realize what a needy person I am. I just wish I knew why. I’ve experienced my fair share of friends who required more than the usual amount of validation, or coddling. or praise, but tonight I was told that I am too dependent on people as well. Not just all people, but one person in particular. My good friend told me this tonight, and I admit that it is hard to hear. Especially since I can’t stand that kind of behavior.

 

But even more than that, it is hard to hear because I have a great fear of losing people close to me. This fear isn’t typically that unreasonable, but I believe since I’ve lost a few close friends recently to death and other complications life brings, I’m more sensitive to the notion of losing friends. Somehow I’ve allowed myself to believe that I need to spend much more time than necessary with this person, and that’s not fair for anyone.

 

I realize now that I’m always complaining or have something physically or emotionally wrong with me, and those things are draining to hear or see all the time. It’s good to be able to talk to friends about what’s going on in your life, but to an extent. To all you out there struggling with finding your own independence like I am, I suggest talking to a counselor once a week like I’m going to start doing. I’ve decided that I’m going to write everything going on in my life down so that I can keep my friends in the loop to an extent, but all the especially deep and emotional trials I’m going through at the time will be told to a counselor first so I can learn better how to cope on my own.

 

It’s always good to have a strong support system of friends, sharing EQUALLY in all of life’s ups and downs. However, it’s also good to have that unbiased opinion from a professional and NEVER good to lay out all your problems to ONE friend. That’s too much for anyone person, and they have their own lives to deal with. What a night this has been! I’m so glad my friend was able to tell me about my neediness so I can start to remedy it. Thanks, friend ;)

Signed,
Whitney

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  1. Anonymous says:

    Dear Whittney,

    I am going to New York and I need a place to stay. I asked a friend and his wife whom I thought were my friends, but they were less than welcoming. They claimed it was because their kid lives with them and she works odd hours depending on her case load and anything that may come up at odd hours involving crime and/or eight-ball brain hemmorages from assaults. I can’t help but take it personally since they have a couch. Also, they didn’t invite my wife to their wedding, and I wasn’t a groomsman.

    I feel like you might relate since it is similar to what happened with Heidi and Spencer and Heidi’s sister. Is it time to part ways?

    Yours truly,
    Hilly Relationship

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