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Ask the Friendship Doctor

Why would someone have no friends?

There are a host of reasons why some people have no friends…and it is more common than you might think.

QUESTION

Hi there,

I am so happy to have found your blog! I have a problem that has been ongoing for my entire life, pretty much. I have no friends. Well, let me restate that: I have no friends who keep in touch without me doing all the effort and even then it is spotty! I am 35 years old.

A little history, in case it is applicable to my current problem: in middle school, I had a very close best friend but she dumped me, which was really tough. Then, in high school and into college I had some best friends that I ended up dumping abruptly over the littlest thing, which I have since realized was due to trust issues that I have worked through now. So why can’t I keep friends?

I have a group of three friends whom I have known since I was about 21. They don’t call me or email me really, but if I email and rally everyone for a get together we have fun… but then nothing. And I hear from them that they have gotten together in the meantime. I don’t get it- what is wrong with me?

Around the neighborhood I chat, make meals for the new moms, etc. but then nothing. And the other moms get together without me. I have female cousins who are really great, we have fun when we are together—but they never call or ask me to get together. It always has to be me.

The fact that this is a pattern in all my female friendships troubles me and makes me think that I am doing something wrong, but I don’t know what. I am a caring person and go out of my way to ask people about their lives when I am having conversations. My therapist has said that there is nothing wrong with having to be the one to always initiate a get together, but then I see my others who have a group of close friends who get together and really support each other, and I wonder, why not me?

I am an only child and sometimes just feel very alone. Other times I feel okay with having no friends. But all in all, I wish it were different. Do you have any advice for me?

Signed,
Amanda

ANSWER

Hi Amanda,

Ouch! It sounds like you feel like you’re a pariah. It’s impossible to guess why your friendships don’t “stick” and there’s no uptake by others but the problem seems to be a pattern rather than a one-time occurrence—and something you want to change.

Can you self-identify your specific problem (s)? Here are some of the possibilities why people don’t have close reciprocal relationships with friends. I’m sure other readers will add to the list.

Temperament – Are you shy and uncomfortable around people? This can make people around you feel uncomfortable too.

Insecurity – Do you feel like you can’t measure up to the people you want as friends? Are you able to trust other people? These may be barriers that create distance between you and your friends.

Preference – Are you introverted? When push comes to shove, do you actually prefer being alone rather than spending time with friends? Do you think people know this when they’re around you? Or, are you extraordinarily social—so preoccupied with making lots of acquaintances that you lose out on making close friendships?

Psychological Issues – Do you have a history of difficulty establishing intimate relationships with others? Are you uncomfortable with people knowing the real you?

Lack of Experience – Regardless of age, some people lack the skills needed to make and maintain friendships. Do you think you have what it takes to be a good friend?

Situational Obstacles – Do you live in a geographical area where it is particularly difficult to connect with people? This might include living someplace rural where there are few people or because of a history of frequent moves, being someplace where you feel like an outsider.

Disabilities – Do you have a mental or physical disability? Unfortunately, because of stigma, people shun individuals with mental or physical disabilities. In addition, being homebound can limit the opportunity to make friends.

Personality – Is there something about you that others find grating? Are you too needy? Too pushy? Too talkative? Too controlling? Are you fiercely independent—wanting to call all the shots regarding what, when and where? Sometimes, there is something off-putting about a person’s behavior and the individual lacks awareness of the problem.

Communication Style – Do you respond to your friend’s overtures as well as initiate contact? Are you available on line or by phone, depending on your friend’s preferred mode of communication.

Time Management Problems – Do you have a hard time juggling all the responsibilities and demands placed on you? Do you consider making time for friends selfish or frivolous?

Unrealistic expectations – Have you led your friends to believe that you will always do the organizing? Do you have an unrealistic, romanticized notion of friendship? Do you expect all friendships to be perfect and last forever?

Talking to an objective third party is a good way to gain insight into something you can’t figure out about yourself. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a therapist; it could be your spouse, a sibling, or someone else you trust.

Since you are already in therapy, perhaps this list will provide a useful starting point to explore various possibilities with your therapist. I agree that something is amiss given the scenario you have described and your desire for more reciprocal friendships.

Hope this is helpful.

Warm regards,
Irene


Prior blog posts that touch upon having no friends:

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Category: HAVING NO FRIENDS

Comments (3,732)

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  1. Leaves says:

    Join a Gardening club or start collecting useful herb/vegetable seeds and start trading online!!!! You meet the most amazing people with all sorts of knowledge. If someone doesn’t have love & time to give to nature fair chance they will be a mindless consumer!

  2. C.j says:

    Or thumb tacks or woopie cushions. Seriously I did that at school years ago. Those were good times.

  3. Jessie says:

    Hey! I’m a 19 year old male and I live in a small town. I am slightly introverted, and grew up without freinds. I was homeschooled for a while so I probably lack a lot of socialskills. Me and my brother share one best freind and I have none of my own to do things with. I have an introvert freind who is extremely introverted and after like 2 and a half years of knowing him he has just started to open up to me. but he never wants to hang out. And I have other freinds I see from time to time. But honestly Iwant a best freind. I am a truely caring person who puts all the effort into people with no one doing the same for me. having love from freinds and family is something I’ve always wanted but I don’t know how to better socialize with people. How can I get closer to freinds I have now and find new people who want what I’m looking for who have things in common with me?

    • N.f says:

      I’m in my mid 30s and slightly introverted too. You know what, Jessie, you’re much better than I am. I have no friends – not even having a common best friend like your brother and you do. So I feel happy for you, honestly.

      It’s natural to want a best friend. Yet at the same time, one needs to identify the conditions needed to meet and keep a best friend.

      I’m glad to know you believe yourself to be a truly caring person. It’s one of those important conditions needed to meet and keep a best friend.

      This is just a personal opinion – even though no one is doing the same for you, it’s ok. Why? Cos the care you give to others is genuine, so you would generally feel happy upon seeing others benefit from your care.

      I think you would feel much better and develop a different outlook about your concerns of finding a best friend and meeting people who share things in common when you slowly start to think to yourself that, ‘hey, I’m happy to see that others are happy to receive my genuine care and concern. Should they do the same for me without me asking for it, that would be great. If not, I would be happy just by seeing that they’re happy’.

      There is no one guaranteed way to get closer to what you want. But what you have is already with you.

      Wishing you all the best.

  4. Jen says:

    how does one make friends in your 30s? I’m having issues with the original poster.

    I was shy, insecure and reserved in High School and in college so I know that explains the lack of friendships even though I was well known. Being well known was great but it wasn’t enough for me to have friends and be invited to places as my peers or enough for people want to hang out. There were a few occasions where I did hang out with “friends” but it was not that often.

    I’ve been out of college for at least a decade and am in my 30s. My “friends” are currently people I got to know at work but most of them are married with kids or have their own lives so at the very most we hang out every 1-3 months outside of work.

    So how does one make friends. I’ve taken up hobbies, joined groups like meetup.com and other things and sure again I know alot of people but not enough for people to want to hang out with me on a regular basis or outside of the places I know them from.

    • Colleen says:

      Do you think Jen that some people observe and others do, meaning some of us stand back and look at the world and others jump in and do it? Making the one that doesn’t make a lot of friends, the best friends and the friendly ones loss that they don’t have a friend like you and so many friends that they don’t know what they want. If you get my drift?

    • Juls says:

      Hi Jen,
      I totally understand. I’m in mid 30’s and have no friends. I did have one who I just started to work with this year. But since working with her we have grown apart. I have had a rough 5 years and have changed as the person she knew. I was bubbly and talk and laugh all the time. Now I’m withdrawn. I just get to work do my job and go home. It’s all I can deal with. This ex friend ( I was even her bridesmaid ) knows a lot of the things I have been through but she talks behind my back to people saying things about how I am, she snaps at me and tries to tell me what to do. This really hurts. I also find most people don’t care so I just say hi to 99% of people and that’s it I don’t communicate. I now have a great partner who I spend time with or close family.

      I have issues in being treated bad by so many people, that I prefer my own company

      Thanks jul

      • Peachie says:

        Hey Jules, I totally understand what you’re going through.
        Me too, have had a tough time over the last few years & am not the same person anymore – no fault of anyone, but when you need yr friends – where are they? I used to love to party & dance.
        I confided in my best friend with my struggles – I was in my worst ever state – & then there was nothing – she ended up not there for me – I ended the friendship!
        No wonder we are so protective of ourselves & turn to our most important people in our world — “family”.
        You are not alone here & if it wasn’t for family, children, animals & nature – I don’t think there would be a purpose to keep living – that’s what I hang on to. Take care, Xxx

        • PJ says:

          That is exactly how I feel… There is no purpose to keep living.
          I don’t have friends. My parents are dead. My siblings are not close. I have no kids. My husband is very old and self-centered. My cat walks by me like I am not existed!

          • Irene says:

            PJ,

            When people are depressed, they often feel as though their lives have no purpose. With that frame of mind, finding friends or making other positive life changes can be very difficult.

            If you are feeling so despondent, you need to seek professional help that isn’t available online from a website like this.

            If you are having any suicidal thoughts, a free 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) is available to people in crisis (or their loved ones) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are routed to local crisis centers.

            In the UK or Ireland, Samaritans offers confidential support at 08457 90 90 90.

            Hope this helps. My best, Irene

            • Sam says:

              Professional help? I have seen “professional help” get patients back on track. I have also seen them abuse patients. Oftentimes, patients require more than professional help is willing or capable of handling. A professional can be (and frequently are) in denial. They rationalize, minimize, justify and blame and take zero accountability when things go wrong. The patient becomes a victim of circumstance. In other words, the patient’s fate is not of the patient’s own making, but the blame is put on the patient. Whose fault is that?

              • C.j says:

                Yeah I agree. I was seeing a therapist for a while. And it didn’t really help. She did give me some good advice, yeah. And I should’ve followed that advice more often. In the end, she became rude, stopped listening to me, and treated me like I was wasting her time. I was also on a cocktail of drugs that did nothing for me. I was on lexapro, strattera, clonazepam, abilify, and another one that made me drowsy. I was taking them everyday and to tell you the truth, I didn’t feel any different. I felt the same. I felt better when I stopped seeing her, and stopped taking them. I always dreaded going there. But I did feel better for having someone to talk to, open up to about things, reassure me and listen to me. I’ve never received that from anyone else in my life.

                • Sam says:

                  Your therapist played the victim. She also blamed and attacked you. Sounds like you were needing a good friend to talk to, someone to open up to about things and to reassure you and to listen to you. Instead, you got abused. It’s a good thing you got out of there when you did. Sounds like you feel better in life without therapy and drugs. It takes a long time to grow an old friend. A good friend is hard to come by.

          • C.j says:

            I know how you feel. Do you have days where you just feel like it’s the same old everything, everyday, nothing ever happens or changes, and no matter what you do, or where you go, it’s like nothing seems to matter or even give your life any spark or purpose. It’s like I just feel numb, or I don’t care. You just feel flat, exhausted and irritated. You can’t be bothered with anyone, so you just hide away and spend time alone. And it’s like no one understands you. They think you can just “cheer up”.

            • Melissa says:

              Wow, with everything I am reading here, it feels as though there’s far more people out there who are the awful shoes of being alone..no friends I mean.
              I moved away right out of HS and lived in the Northeast for 27 years. I ended up moving back to my hometown 13 years ago and feeling like I failed myself in so many ways. I never imagined being back in this one horse town, but here I am. Anyway, being away as I was, I had my own life, was who I wanted to be and being true to myself..Oh, and was healthy and working. I am not unhealthy now but have a bad knee ailment that has me on SSDI. Anyway, being that I am back in my hometown, I have always felt like somewhat of a failure for allowing it to happen. I did, however, got 13 wonderful years with my recently deceased mother who, had I still lived away, I would be dealing with the guilt my older sibling has feeling like she was not around enough and didn’t get that item..Oh my, I feel like I have gone a bit off subject, but trying to give some background and why I feel this may have me where I am with no friends to speak of.
              Have you ever watched as others seemingly have things to do, places to go and are living life and all the while, you (I do this) sit here with my 2 cats wondering what is wrong with me and how to fix it..Having the handicap of both my legs and living on (not enough) money from SSDI. I crave conversation, I crave wanting to feel needed or wanted and the emptiness and despair are so overwhelming sometimes. I was never the best at making friends, but I had a few..I have a woman whop I was close friends with in CT. where I lived since 1983..I still (rarely) talk to her (she moved out of CT 2 months before I did)and we always were so close..Of course, she was the type who, when getting into a relationship, found no time for me except some scrap times when she wasn’t with her g/f..Anyway, I have seen her twice since we moved away from CT..Pretty sad that I see this woman 2 times..Anyway, again going off track.Maybe not.Maybe it was the complete disappointment and feeling of betrayal from her that left me not trusting people and that has me alone or maybe I just have a self confidence issue..whatever the case may be, this sucks…I spent a lot of time with my mom and she was my very best friend..Now I am completely alone again and feel as though my being here contributes next to nothing…why does this happen? I get very depressed and have very hurt feelings a lot too…I mean, I cannot spend my time here with my cats and expect to thrive,m right? What do I do??

              • Amy F says:

                Sounds like you’re in a major rut. You’re absolutely right that things won’t change unless you make them change. Since you mentioned your cats a few times, I wonder if you might be interested in volunteering at a shelter a few times a week, so that you’re contributing to something greater than yourself. You might meet some like minded people, too.

                • Melissa says:

                  I do volunteer at the shelter and also run all of their sites for posting their animals in need. I am an outcast here in this narrow minded community though..Being gay in a town where it’s looked at as bad, sick ad evil makes it hard to feel a connection..A bible belt group here for sure…Needless to say, I have left myself out of things for that reason but do feel the need to fit in somewhere…I am here only until my father is no longer here with us..I cared for my mother and now I care for him (if he needs me to) and plan on moving back up to the northeast somewhere when I can…Anyway, thank you for the observation and I do try and plan on continuing to get myself out there…somewhere..:-)

                  • Amy F says:

                    Are there any LGBT Meetup groups in your area? I’m fortunately in a fairly progressive area. I’m in a yahoo group for lesbians in my county, I don’t get to activities much but they have s monthly calendar with potluck dinners, game night, book clubs, even square dancing, etc. I’m zonked by 8:00 or I’d do more things. Check with Meetup and yahoo groups.

              • C.j says:

                I am unemployed, have no friends, the girl I love doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore, and I don’t know what to do with my life right now! So, yeah. Things are great right now. I watch my friends and cousins buy houses, get married, get good jobs, have families, travel overseas. And I lose my $50k savings, live with my parents who still tell me what to do at 30, can’t find anyone willing to date me, no one in interested in me, can’t find a job because I have no skills or experience in anything except factory and cleaning, been signing up to job agencies and applying, they never get back to me (not even KFC), still unmarried with no kids at my age and can’t see it changing for a while, can’t afford (or even know how) to travel even though I would really like to. I would do volunteer work, but how is that going to help if I’m nearly broke.

                • Darlene says:

                  CJ, I feel bad for people who are in a rut, as you are right now. I understand how that feels.

                  But this last post is pretty self pitying. The reality is that you have a choice, the left road or the right. One leads to change, probably with lots of bumps, pain and occasional setbacks, but ultimately a better life. The other road just keeps on going, pretty much the same as the road behind you.

                  Which one do you want to take?

                  • C.j says:

                    Neither path is obvious right now. I don’t know which path leads right back to where I am now, and which path will lead me to a better life. I’d make that choice if I knew which way to go in life.

                    • Morgan says:

                      I understand CJ. I got pretty much forgotten by my partner of 3 years. He just decided I wasn’t a priority anymore. I am trying to look at it as a wake-up call about how I handle people and what I give/put up with.

                      I think the way to go is forward. One step at a time. Ask yourself what is the next thing you need to do. Maybe it’s the dishes, maybe it’s a walk, maybe it’s folding your jeans…whatever it is, just put one foot in front of the other and over time you’ll at least not be wasting time worrying about someone who isn’t worrying about you :). I know we’re on page talking about friendlessness so I feel like you need a friend right now :D. TC

                    • C.j says:

                      Sorry to hear that Morgan. Was there any reason he gave for why he stopped treating you the way you deserve to be treated? That’s really tough that happened to you after 3 years. I hope you’re okay. That’s pretty pathetic on his behalf. With enough time, maybe he’ll realize what he’s lost and come back (you never know).

                      Yeah I would agree. You take that forward path, one step at a time. Sometimes it leads you back to where you are (that’s happened to me many times), and other times it can take you further. I agree, the key is doing small things, like you said. That’s what I’ve been trying to do too. Thing is, since I’ve stopped caring as much about her now, she has come back to me and is more affectionate. I don’t know what it is. Yeah we are on the same page about friendlessness. Even though I have 100 or so people on Facebook (who never talk to me). It’s nice to meet you Morgan. I hope things have since become better for you.

                • Mary says:

                  From a practical perspective, volunteer work helps you to build a resume, possibly gain skills and references for a job search, and explore interests and learn about certain sectors of your community. From a social perspective, volunteer work will help you get out of yourself, and learn social skills and not be so self-focussed, and possibly make new friends or find a girlfriend (though hopefully you do the work out of interest, be yourself and not think about these things, a new relationship will form naturally if meant to be). From an emotional/psychological perspective, volunteer work can help you feel a part of something, like your contributing to society, build self esteem due to doing a good job by helping better the world. Sorry you experienced so much loss, and I hope you find a job, but please be open to solutions. It’s tough but if you can take one step at a time hopefully a year from now you can say you climbed yourself out of a hole rather than dug yourself deeper into one.

                  • Mary says:

                    Oh, and CJ, being well beyond 30, being single, having a house and kids etc, is not the typical accomplishment for the majority. YOu are young. I thought when I was 30 I thought I was supposed to have made it also, and now see how young I was. Good luck!

                    • C.j says:

                      I looked into volunteering. And there are so many types that actually DO require a resume and previous experience. I am not kidding either.

                    • Mary says:

                      Find ones that don’t require that. Ask people if they can help you if you can’t figure it out yourself.

                    • C.j says:

                      Yeah I don’t really want to volunteer. I need a job, something which will give me money to support myself. I don’t honestly care about dating or making friends right now. I’m just running out of money and I need something to do with my life.

                    • N.f says:

                      Hi CJ, just sharing a bit here. I’m sort of in a similar situation as you.

                      I fully appreciate the kind of well-intentioned and practical advice offered by Mary and others like her in real life.

                      However, I too share many of your reservations after looking into volunteering and actually doing a few. Assuming you do all you can to save on transport and food expenses while volunteering, no income and dwindling savings are hardly going to tide you long enough for any person in a voluntary organisation to be comfortable with agreeing to be one’s resume referee.

                      It’s a cold and hard fact. I heard that in some countries, some form of welfare is only given to people who stay employed for at least 6 months or 1 year. While it encourages people to get moving to search for a job and stay in one, it doesn’t help people to actually identify strengths and weaknesses (so as to avoid skills and personality mismatch) without having to spend money on job therapist or whatever that position is called in one’s country.

                    • Mary says:

                      N.f sorry that your experience hasn’t panned out the way mine had. I’m 50 now and due to having a demanding job and being older I dont have the energy for volunteering. But for 25 years I pretty much was always volunteering for something, both when working and not. Mostly because there was a great big world out there I hadn’t been exposed to and I was interested in it. I also naturally like to help people. I served on committees in churches, did speaking, joined boards, worked with the homeless, visitted people in nursing homes, spent time with people less fortunate. I was an extreme introvert (still am) and it was nice to have the luxury to be in the background learning and observing as I gained confidence. My experiences encompassed everything from help organize events (where I could then lead such efforts) to being a bystander with people more experienced than me. Even though I did these things because I was interested in them, when I was working or not, even though I never had a resume referee, I had things to add to my resume and I did gain references for jobs I applied for. Where did you see that I promised a resume referee for volunteering? At the very least volunteering can help fill a void of time on a resume. CJ spends quite a bit of time on this blog, as a matter of fact it has been quite some time that he has been unemployed and he has quite lengthy posts on here for a while. My post was born from that, and his complaints about having no job, girlfriend, friends, etc. He could see no benefit in volunteering and the reality is there can be many benefits. I have been between jobs many times and it IS hard I have even lived with my parents when I thought I should have been on my own. It sucked but had I just sat around depressed, and I WAS depressed most of the time, I wouldnt have made any headway in life. I applied for every job I could at one point for 9 months, it was all online so didn’t take loads of time once i had a cover letter and resume done, volunteered, and still had lots of free time to wallow and spend hours on a blog if I wanted to. CJ if your depression is so debilitating that you just dont have the motivation to do anything, I hope you can address that. Life is hard, your life is hard, I get it.

                  • N.f says:

                    Mary, volunteering does have the benefits that you speak of. I mentioned the resume referee to highlight a possible positive outcome but like you’ve said, can not really be expected to happen or be promised by anyone.

                    While it is fine to suggest volunteering and listing out some benefits (like explaning the void in one’s resume), it seems that from CJ’s point of view (mine as well), volunteering involves expenses and not income. It sounds like he recognises he needs to get a job as soon as possible and he sort of understands he needs to compromise in one way or another.

                    I would probably mention about volunteering after he has secured a job and is in stable employment for a reasonable amount of time. Hopefully by then, he would be more receptive to explore volunteering as a meaningful way to spend time and make new friends.

                    • Mary says:

                      HI NF,
                      I had mentioned the benefits of volunteering because CJ couldnt see it as a viable option. As far as needing to secure a job first, once again, he has been umemployed for quite some time and is saying no one wants to hire him, including KFC. I couldnt agree more that a job would be priority, but it doesnt take much time to apply for jobs and he has all these hours of the day left. Volunteering isn’t for everyone, no one “should”, but given his hard time finding a job I thought maybe expanding his horizons during his free time would further his cause.I have never experienced volunteering being a major expense.

                    • N.f says:

                      I do see where you are coming from. Just pointing out the fact that volunteering is not his priority concern or approach at the moment even though he has lots of time on his hands.

                      It is not really about whether volunteering is a major expense or not. It’s just that when one has no income, every cent counts.

                      You’ve stressed enough about the benefits and now it is really up to CJ to decide whether he’s willing to try it out.

                    • C.j says:

                      I don’t know, guys. I thought about volunteering. But I haven’t got a clue about what I would even do. I know there are people who volunteer at charity events or elections. But those only happen a couple of times a year.

                    • N.f says:

                      Hi CJ, maybe you can start by making a list of what are some volunteer events that you are not ready/willing to participate in and from there slowly work towards what are those you are alright with challenging yourself to give a try.

          • Sandy says:

            I know exactly how you feel and am so tired of well meaning people not getting it and thinking we are all suffering some form of depression.
            I think it is a way of life now and so many of us are the walking lonely. We are attached to phones and computers so lack of communication seems normal and this is becoming a much different world than I grew up in.
            I too have lost my family as they are deceased and friends are non existent and just seem so busy with their lives.
            I do feel some people are truly blessed to be surrounded by love and the gift of real friendship. I found every time I think I have found someone great it is due to them wanting something from me, which is truly sad, and I now sort have resigned myself to enjoying my hobbies alone and with my pets.
            Just great to know I am not as alone as I thought. I guess I do know there are many other lonely people.
            Best of luck and I am keeping my hopes sort of low.:)
            I do not consider myself depressed but just a realist.

            • Melissa says:

              Yes…finally…someone who isn’t trying to say I have issues of some type and need to seek counseling..Geez…
              I have been deflated in ways after reading some of my responses, but you have enlightened me that I too, am not the only one sitting here feeling cast off or kind of without some of what i need.
              I have had many friends in my time, but after long review, i do know now, that i had many acquaintances and not true friends…
              I do love animals and have my own to help keep me somewhat sane..Hee
              I do think we have had such a shift in relating to people since phones and computers have taken over, that many now do not know the art of real conversation nor do they care to..or so it seems…
              I find myself retreating into myself, which can be problematic, but I do try and reach out to those I feel i can talk to, even if it’s a 5 minute conversation..It’s better than complete silence..
              I miss my mother terribly. She and I got very close in these last dozen years since i moved (begrudgingly) back to my hometown..I do believe she was my peace of mind and I felt i actually did have someone who really cared…So many say they do and would be there, but when troubles did arise, it was my mom who was there and none of those so called friends…
              Well, I can go on and on here, but wanted to say thank you..Even though the plight of dying conversationalists and real contact is still ongoing, I do feel some solace in knowing I am not alone…
              Write back if you like..

      • Ellen says:

        Hi Jules,

        I totally agree with your statement on enjoying your own company more.

        In Primary school I was very popular, made friends easy, and got along with everyone in my grade.

        By the time I we went to High School, most of my friends split up and went to different High Schools. It left us with 3 friends going to the same school. By grade 9 I had made alot more friends.But high school friends seemed alot less trustworthy than primary school friends. The innocence was lost, and the jealousy and backstabbing settled in. I met my husband in grade 11 and didn’t feel compelled to have realy close friendships at that stage.Specially because I didn’t trust them. I felt like the girls never felt happy for one another.

        Since highschool me and my husband had a close knit group of friends, but they had bad habits…smoking the old green grass. I thought it would just go away eventually but realised it’s not going to.

        We made the wise decision to drop those friends for obvious reasons and I am very religious…

        Since then we haven’t really made new friends. We’re from a small town and there’s not alot of people to meet.

        I also feel like I can’t trust anyone, alot of girlfriends have talked bad about me behind my back, and I just don’t tolerate something like that. It has left me with a feeling of not being bothered with meeting new friends because then I have less drama.

        But it is nice to be able to go have coffee with a girlfriend.

        I just don’t know if any friend can ever truely be trusted and remain trustworthy for longer than a year.

        It always comes back to jealous, not wanting the sunt to shine on someone else and competition.

        Im an atractive person and have alot of times felt that this can prevent you from having close friends. It sounds dumb but girls make up this weird opinion about you before they even know you.

        My personality is very straightforward, I say what I feel. And I don’t tolerate fake people. Do you also feel like having close friends is overated and not worth it?

      • Danielle says:

        Hi Jul,

        Similar to me….I never seem to fit right into a crowd…I see and hear people interact and ask interesting questions to each other…I try to join the conversation and its almost like they do not want to hear what I have to say. I have tried to show myself friendly over and over and over again within many different social circles within many different occasions…yet the same result continues….I seem to be boring somehow….or not included…someone even noticed and mentioned once that I seem to really want to be part of the group….I thought that was an odd thing to say…doesn’t everyone want to be part of a group or feel included? Why mention this? I know most men always include me…its the women that are often leaving me out somehow. I am not snobby, I am not loud or obnoxious, I am gentle and kind….I am not beautiful…but yes I am considered attractive and often called elegant or model like….I do not know what is wrong….This has happened my entire life.

  5. rod jackson says:

    hi my name is rod and i do not want friends because i can never trust them

  6. George says:

    Hello, Im George i’m 19 years old and i do not have any friends, i mean at all.

    when i was in school i was bullied for been fat and diabetic, so i’ve got a massive confidence and trust issue
    when i left school at 16 years only i lost touch with everyone that i spoke too because i got a job straight away. I wasn’t smart enough to go to college or university, so don’t have a chance to make friends.

    I’ve been cheated on, beaten up, lost love ones to cancer and to suicide, sometimes a think maybe its the right track for me to go down. but who knows maybe it is maybe its not.

    The fact of me been 19 and not having friend deeply saddens me. i have to bottle everything up because theirs nobody for me to talk to. I’ve not even been to the local town centre for a night out and nearly 20 years old. many people might be reading this thinking there is nothing wrong and i need to get a grip but you never know how someone truly feels unless you walk in their shoes.

    i need somebody to be close to someone for me to love and them to love me. I’ve tried dating app such as tinder and POF but how can i trust someone who cold be talking to 20 other guys. I’m sure i cant be the only people in this situations. i feel as if i should give up and end it all so this is my last hope i need help.

    P.S. I’m sorry for the bad punctuation and spelling mistakes or even if it doesn’t make sense.

    George H.

    • Jamie says:

      Hey George! I kind of the same as you now but thankfully I did have a few friends in my school days not many or true by at least someone in them hard days of growing up so its sad to hear not only did you have no1 but was also bullied! I left school at 16 also and fell ill and have had no positive friends since then I’m now 24yrs old the only reason I probably have done a few thinks like out in town at night is coz I slipt into heavy drinking habits as it is and still is the only way I can comfortably talk to other people and feel like a normal person in general! Like you also I have thought what is the point it’s be 8yrs and nothing much has changed! But I pled with you not to give into them dark thoughts life is a long long journey and we are really just at the very start of it I’m sure as you and I get older we will become comfortable in ourselves its like a pair of slippers there crap brand new but give it a year and them puppies have come into a different leauge of awesomeness :) I have found a few chat site apps on Google play store resently they can kill away a few hours also interact with people in a none threatening way! Also maybe speak to your doctor about some therapy cbt can be very helpful for people over coming trust and other issues! Would be cool to hear back from even if its just to say your OK as the last bit of your message was quite worrying! Really hope to hear from you soon :) just remember you not the only one who seachers Google for why don’t I have any friends coz everyone on this feed must have searched something along them lines to end up at this page! Also remember it has to get better try to think when drifting off at night about something that made you smile or feel good during the day no matter how small and the beginning of the day think off something your looking forward to doing or someone your going to talk to or even someone your just going see in the day!!!

      • George says:

        Thank you so much it means so much actually hearing from someone. I’m going to try to think of something positive before I go to sleep too, it means so much that somebody has wrote back to me foil though some of the thinks I’m going though, I never feel confident to open up to people about my situation not even the doctors that’s why I opened up on here. George

        • Jamie says:

          It’s good to hear your OK! And I know its hard opening up to people but your doctor is someone who you can feel completely free to talk to about things they have seen it all and heard everything! And at the end of the day they are the ones that will help you or put you in contact with someone that can help you turn you feelings and way of life around try to make an appointment asap coz everyday you put it off is ultimately one more day of the suffering your going through!! Hope everything goes well for you :) keep in touch as well with your progress and for support if you need it/want it :)

          • George says:

            Thank you I’m going to ring them tomorrow and try and make an appointment I means so much to hear from you ill keep in touch. Once again thank you.

            • Jen says:

              Hey George! I’m just checking in on you as well. Please don’t ever feel like you are alone. Things will always turn around for the better. You are still very young and there is so much more to life that you have not experienced yet. I too felt very alone when I was your age. I didn’t have very close friends. No one to talk to and even a bit depressed. But fast forward to 10 years (ahem, I’m giving away my age haha) later and I found a great partner and have 2 children. Life gets better some way some how. I’m sorry for all the things that have happened to you. Stay strong and I know everything will be ok! I wish you all the best.

              • C.j says:

                Wow that great news, Jen! I didn’t realize you had a partner and 2 children now.

              • George says:

                Thank you it feeling like I’m going know where fast with my life I can’t wait for that day to come where I don’t gave to be worried about leaving the house and been scared to live my life I hope it come soon!

    • Cindy says:

      Hang in there my son is exactly the same age and dropped out at 16 and very similar I’ve been sober 2 years and have not one friend I feel like I’m weird and awkward and it seems other women my age are really grown women and normal me never been married live with my Kids with my mom I’ve completely changed my life I’m a good mom to my kids now am responsible but alone no friends no man don’t fit in anywhere it hurts its like everyone else gets these social skills and I am blank .

  7. Rich says:

    I’m a 24 year good looking male with an intellectual disorder. I don’t have any friends and I could care less about being in a relationship. I don’t fit in with society, but sometimes I hate being lonely. I just realized that most people are assholes and I hate going out in public because I fear them.

  8. Lily says:

    I don’t have any friends either, except my husband. That’s nice, but not the same as having a female friend.

    My husband and I are both loners. He has friends from childhood he barely keeps in touch with (in a town 2 hours from here)– but otherwise, I am his best friend. Neither of us have any friends in the small town where we live, but we do know a lot of people casually.

    Basically, I find I prefer my own company. I can spend all day at home, by myself (I work part time and have a couple of days off each week)–and not be lonely. If I do get lonely, I wander downtown and talk to people I see, or go get a coffee. People tell me I’m friendly (I work with the public a lot in my job). But that doesn’t seem to translate to anything deeper. I have tried to ask people for coffee who I find possibly interesting, and they are all like, ‘Sure!’ but they never bother to get back in touch with me. When I see them again, I don’t say anything about it, because you can’t force someone to be interested in getting to know you as a possible friend.

    When I do attract people who are interested in me, they tend to eventually be revealed as narcissists. One of them shocked me, when after I had spent her birthday with her the day before, called me to tell me I was bringing negative vibes to her . She left town and I never heard from her again. So getting burned by people I thought were friends is keeping me from reaching out, too.

    I wish I knew what the answer is. Sometimes I get lonely and envious of people who seem to make friends easily, or even have just a few friends they interact with now and then. But so far, this hasn’t been in the cards for me. People seem to like me, but that’s as far as it goes. I’ve been without friends for most of my life (I’m 38) and it looks like this trend will continue.

    • Anne says:

      Lily,
      Your story really resonates with me. I am 52 and I’ve had problems my whole life establishing real and lasting friendships. Sometimes it bothers me, but I’ve leaned that there are so many reasons why – I think for the most part, people just don’t have the time for more than casual banter on Facebook or in Public. Most of my “friendships” are virtual and not very deep.

      Anne

      • Alien says:

        Yeah
        George I’ve tried the dating sceen on line… Those I’m interested in are not interested in me and the very few that are don’t interest me at all.
        I’m bipolar 2 and look after my aging mum, she falls over then can’t get up is incontinent deaf in one ear getting weaker … My brother helps a little but he has to go to work and has two children from a controlling ex wife,
        Most couples don’t wish to mingle with singles.
        If I didn’t have my Jack Russell dog Id go insane.
        My closest best friend has Terretts syndrome ( so we are the odd couple)
        Findinding friendships through similar interests is a good idea to start though.
        Im 61 have never married but when you here of some of the horror stories from those that have…maybe that’s good thing…

    • Aj says:

      Lily
      our stories are so much alike I don’t have any friends either except for my husband . I have often thought that it was me because I would try to be friends with others and they would leave me out . I even joined a group of new mothers just after giving birth where everyone was new to each other and I still was left out when other people formed Bonds. I used to hang out with my sister but I moved away and she is younger and has friends Of her own. I would like to just meet one female friend that I could hang out once a month to go shopping or get our nails or just have a coffee just to have someone on the female side that knows what we go through.I also seem to attract people who are self-absorbed and like drama and I can’t deal with that.

    • ree says:

      Hi Lily,

      Your post resonated the most with me as I too have no friends and when I do attract people to me they also seem to be narcissist and with anti-social tendencies. I used to have a lot of friends when I was at my middle school but looking back now I noticed that none of these friendships had any real substance. I am not sure why I now only attract the narcissists into my life. it may be that I have no real value on myself and that I am a people pleaser and narcissists seem to see these people a mile off. I had a lot of social anxiety in the past and it made me freeze in certain circumstances. I took everything to heart so it made it unbearable being around people. 6 years ago I broke up with my partner and to be honest I had only been with him for so long (10 years) as I was afraid to go it on my own. After the break up I had absolutely no friends at all to turn to and after realising that I was stressing my mother out with being so upset I also stopped discussing it with her and turned inwards. the result was pretty much a break down. Now I am back in a relationship with a man I am not sure that I love and will I know I can cope being alone, the thought of the loneliness actually daunts me. I am a loner but at this stage I am not sure if I am inherently so or if this is what I became from being so long without friends. People also seem to like me but I know I must be the common denominator as to why I am alone without friends. I try to put a value on myself but the thought seeps in ‘what’s so wrong with me that nobody wants to be friends with me’. I am a really decent kind person and I cannot understand what would be so wrong with me when I see other people who are just not simply nice people with lots of friends. I have learnt to live with my loneliness a little better in recent years (I am 37) but sometimes it is hard when the weekend looms out in front of me and I find myself doing everything alone and going to bed at 10pm just to finish the day.

  9. anni says:

    look into narcissism….

    sociopaths..

    [INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE REMOVED BY MODERATOR]

    good to understand the science and psychology behind it..

    • Lisa Sc says:

      A person doesn’t have to be a sociopath or a narcissist to end up without any friends. I have ended up with no friends I can get together in person with and I have ended up scapegoated and estranged from family only because I moved away from my home town. I’ve relocated several times but made mistakes so I’ve ended up in a city I’m unhappy in. I only have my 2 sons and only 1 of them in person. We both feel so alone in this world. Other problems that have contributed to my being alone 1) the internet and practically living on the internet (just about grown in a way to hate the internet) 2) being more awake at night no matter how hard I try to change my sleeping hours 3) progressively worse health problems 4) people out in the world not being open and friendly & always have their head stuck in their cell phone and 5) mental health problems (nothing of a dangerous nature).

    • C.j says:

      Narcissists and sociopaths are usually the ones with a lot of friends. But they don’t really value those friendships. They just use them to get what they want. Because they’re confident and don’t care what other people think. They are also usually charming, have good social skills, are arrogant and manipulative and can get far in life.

      • Darlene says:

        CJ, it’s always tempting to generalize, but I could name many people who don’t fit your stereotype at all. At all.

        It’s understandable to see others in a negative light, when things aren’t going well. But the problem with doing that is that it doesn’t help improve things or change things for the better. I used to feel that way, back when things weren’t going well for me and I was, for the most part, simply wrong.

        • C.j says:

          Yeah I was generalizing a bit there, Darlene. You’re so right, not all of them fit this profile.

          I only see others in a negative light after things I’ve been through in my own life. The way certain people treated me at my last job (not everyone though). And yeah things aren’t going well… I’ve been nothing but a good person, I’ve tried in life, I’ve tried not to treat people like crap (and I haven’t), but where has it gotten me? Nowhere. I’m still stuck at point A in my life, trying to get to point B, and I’ve had nothing but failure after failure. Setback after setback.

          Yeah, but I know it’s my attitude that needs to change. I just wish I had someone for support, who I could turn to, or back me up when things are crap.

          • Darlene says:

            I do feel for you CJ, it’s tough to have so many setbacks. I used to wonder why no one liked me. All the time. Liking myself turned out to be the key. And not in a narcissistic way, just seeing the value in myself. Cliche though it may be, it’s hard for others to like someone who doesn’t like themselves.

            • C.j says:

              It just frustrates me how the people who’ve said that they’ll always support me no matter are the ones who never have. This even includes my own family. Some people genuinely pretend to care, but at the end of the day, they don’t. But most won’t even show the slightest interest in my problems or what’s bothering me. Going to a therapist isn’t the same, because a therapist is paid to care.

            • C.j says:

              And yeah, I’m dealing with depression right now and have no support.

              • Darlene says:

                That’s rough CJ, I’m sorry to hear that .

                • C.j says:

                  It wouldn’t be the first time. I’ve found that exercise tends to help a bit. It gets worse in winter actually.

                  • Darlene says:

                    So, here’s a weird thought…I know someone who was just diagnosed with celiac disease, she has the antibody and biopsy. Not family history, just ongoing anemia.

                    She also had depression problems and anxiety. Which has improved since going on a gluten free diet. Just throwing out suggestions, she was literally not absorbing nutrient she needs, so it was affecting her mental state. Just a thought….the antibody test is not a big deal. Maybe discuss with your doctor?

                    • C.j says:

                      Yeah that’s what I was thinking too. I have a few stomach cramps and things. Always have. Brain fog. Fatigue. Low energy.

                      I started taking multivitamins but they don’t do much.

                      I was even thinking before it’s my thyroid, but I’m not overweight. But my doctor won’t test for these things. Going to another doctor is not an option since they don’t accept new patients anywhere. Even therapists you have to wait 6 months before you can see one.

                      It doesn’t help that I’m 30 years old, and my parents still try to run my life. And I’m sick and tired of people telling what to do all the time. I don’t have friends, I don’t have a social life. I don’t even have a job at the moment, so I’m slowly losing my savings from when I was working.

                    • C.j says:

                      Sometimes in life, you just have to give up on things, including those things you want and things you wish for, and instead accept things for what they are – just hopeless.

              • Amy F says:

                CJ,
                Have you looked into professional counseling, CJ. If you’re in the USA and have insurance, mental health services have to be covered. Even if you don’t have insurance, low cost and sometimes free counseling is available through social service agencies and universities. Google your zip code and “therapy” “sliding scale”.
                Depression is a medical illness and you deserve treatment the same as if you had MS or diabetes. :)
                Good luck to you.

                • C.j says:

                  Yeah I have, Amy. Been there, done that. And no, I’m not in the USA, but we have insurance here too. I have the money to pay, I just don’t want to. I’ve always toughed it out. It’s affected on and off for years (and anxiety). It usually doesn’t last. Even the Zoloft pills I was on didn’t really help.

  10. ani says:

    you might want to look into the explosion of narcissism in the population, if you are empathetic, might be something to do with it…

    • LS says:

      How is this helpful? If you don’t have anything helpful to post why post at all?

      • Lisa Sc says:

        Oh some people, as a way of helping provide you information, are talking about narcissism in the population. And I agree that might be a reason why persons like myself are so alone in this world. Oh I had thought of some other reasons that contribute to my own aloneness and that is 1) low income 2) never having been able to acquire a good job and/or career 3) poor choices earlier on in life about love relationships and education 4) no transportation 5) health problems (dizziness/fatigue among other conditions and 6) the inability to make plans due to a combination of reasons in this post and my prior reply post. My family doesn’t welcome, or even mention, me and my son coming for Thanksgiving, Christmas, any family events even funerals. And I’m pretty sure part of the problem is some of my family and persons connected with my family are one or the other of being narcissistic and/or sociopathic (asocial being one of the aspects or 1 or both of these conditions).

  11. A.j says:

    Hi Amanda
    pretty sad story I feel for you,I have problems with making friends as well and decide to isolate myself both physically and psychologically.i always feel inferior around my age mates cause of my enthusiastic behavior (a result from living in fiction for so long) and when ever I try showing out my true self I get mocked at,its made my heart feel so gnarled towards them,especially in highschool.i constantly am trying to fight out the pain and want to remove my hate for them.recently I’ve been giving myself therapy and encouraging myself but then again the reality with those so called friends are still there ,I use music to escape this reality.I’m feeling much confident in myself and my works now as a student and a growing teen and I’m thankful. I learnt a really good lesson “never force yourself into anyone’s life”,my dream now is to create a place were people like me can embrace who they are and what they feel :).

    • Kuk says:

      Hi AJ,
      At the best of times, i don’t feel so lonely or depressed but something about you said struck me. I also live by the principle “never force myself into anyone’s life”, I just don’t want my focus to be on winning friends. The people who are supposed to be my friends or understand me will come into my life and enjoy being with me.
      I used to feel like I am odd…but frankly I don’t care anymore. I am discovering more about myself. My temperament has alot to do with alot of what I experience but my personality and my decisions have also contributed as well. I am embracing who I am and how I feel…I have a dream like that too … but kodos to you. Hope your dream comes true

      I am happy to see all your comments, I’m surprised there are people out there with no friends, I thought I was the only one

  12. vinnie says:

    Hi Irene
    im a freshman in college. i dont have energy and time for friends. how ever i just run into people from my high school, church and on from campus. and i hate it when they ask me ”why are you always alone”? how do i deal with them, put them down permanently or how do i answer them politely?????

    • Lisa Sc says:

      Yeah that is pretty inconsiderate of them to ask you that. But people just don’t think and some people are just to dumb to realize it is unmannerly and rude to inquire. Just know my friend that their is nothing wrong with going out alone – well I beg your pardon as I’m sure you already know this. In my life I’ve had to go out alone on plenty of occasions. Even now if I didn’t have my son to go out with me then I’d be going out alone. Zillions of people out in the world going out alone, living alone and being alone. It’s just the way things are.

  13. Morgan Krylon says:

    I haven’t any friends. None. It is lonely. I have a girlfriend, but she works a lot and we hardly ever see one another. Seems pointless really. The reason I have not one single friend, is because I used to hang out with all the wrong people in my twenties. I’m thirty six now, and I do not drink nor do drugs anymore. So, as it is… I haven’t any friends. I have to find things to do by myself & to be quite frank, it get’s boring fast. I have a jack-chi(dog), but it’s exhausting at times to take him everywhere with me. I’m an artist and I am a bit eccentric, so I’ve been told? I have a lot of tattoo’s as well, which I regret, now that I am a lot more mature than I’ve ever been. I’m just not exactly who I used to be & I get judged at times for my ink, but I try to show the better parts to me when I am around ‘normal’ humans. :) I’ve been friendless for a little over ten years now. Sure I don’t drink nor do drugs anymore…But I also do not have any friends. Not that those sorts of people were ever my friend to begin with, but at least I never felt as empty as I do now. Life seems to be a repetitive onslaught of day after day. I haven’t been in the social loop in so long, that I’m not quite sure how to socialize without radiating how closed up I am. If that makes sense? I kinda wish that I didn’t meet my girlfriend. Really. So, that’s me for you. I have a facebook, though I seldom use it. Thanks for reading. ~ Morgan

    • Darlene says:

      Morgan, you sound like a decent sort of person. Given your past, it’s not a surprise you are struggling with friends. Serious kudos for the positive changes in your life.

      You are in a position to reinvent your whole life, you realize that? What do you like to do? Where do you want to go? Get out there a figure this out. Friends tend to be out there for people who are engaged in life.

      Ink doesn’t define you either, so many people have tattoos now, it’s pretty mainstream.

    • julie says:

      Don’t worry your not alone. I’m picking up a second job, recently got married. I’ve never been much for other people, mostly because they are never much into staying around with me. I’m an ear to listen, but most people know I’m introverted so they back off. Just be there for your significant other, and do what makes you happy. It is lonely but just remember your here for a reason, stay positive and help others when you can, even if it’s just as simple as holding a door for an old lady. It’s your heart that counts here, and making the best you can of what your given.

    • Lisa Sc says:

      Hi Morgan, I’m sorry about your situation. Believe me I can relate to your pain. May I ask what city, state you live in? I’m a fearful person and I’m afraid to say where I live at on the internet but I got to take some chances. So I will ask if any just plain nice, friendly person that lives in Louisville, KY and would like to meet up as friends, go for coffee, soda or even 1 beer write me via my Facebook via my ID: lisa sc. Thanks.

  14. Jay says:

    Hi Amanda
    Really sorry I didn’t see this earlier to respond. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Please see this (rather odd!) assortment of responses (above) as typical of the human species – what a crazy, mixed-up bunch! I have had the same problems as you throughout my life too. It bothered me once, but not now. What you mustn’t do is think you need to ‘fit in’ or belong to a peer group to be normal. Certainly none of these crazy people, or apparently the ones you’ve been trying to connect with, are. Sadly, most humans, unevolved creatures that they usually are, form bonds by working together by excluding others, and they will do this to the ones that are the most individual and ‘different’. Be at peace with yourself, don’t let them get to you!
    Personally, I love cats – they are so cool and individual, and love their own company. Dogs are loveable but needy and they can get very nasty in groups. Be more cat! Like Blanche Dubois, rely on the kindness of strangers. You aren’t alone.

    • Jackie says:

      I totally agree with this on multiple points :) I moved to a small town to be closer to friends, long story short one moved away for work and the other dumped me over not wanting to listen to what happened on a soap opera after I had a rough day (we were living together too). Huge blow out followed, trying to be semi friendly now since we have so many mutual friends but it’s not at all the same. I’m not from here and everyone seems to know everyone. Relational aggression and cliques are a petty and frustrating reality here. Conformity isn’t really my thing though so just keep trekking along. I am a cat person too, they can teach us a lot I think :) making new friends takes a lot of time and investment though and there are no guarantees but that’s life and part of the human condition I suppose. Just know you’re not alone, I think there are more lonely people than we think there are since the “popular” are the ones promoting their awesome lives all over social media. Volunteering has helped me make some new contacts, nothing as strong as a new bestie but that took over 10 yrs to grow and then 2-3 yrs to fall apart. Deep friendships don’t happen overnight for the most part, get out there and make new contacts and give it time and nurturing like a plant. All the best *hugs*

  15. Elizabeth says:

    I think I can relate to this post…

    I had hyperactivity disorder as a kid, so therefore was not “typical”. Highly sensitive, I would call the most dysfunctional, troubled girls my friends. Somehow that was what I believe I deserved. They were not my friends. Often times, they would fiercely turn on me.

    As a 12-year old girl, I was playing once on the playground with another girl, and was hungry, so she split her cookie with me. I sat on her lap, eating this cookie, and kissed her on the cheek, saying “Oh Tammy, thank you…I love you!!!” A mean girl, this height-lacking, stringy-haired little delinquent, walked past me and whispered “you LEZ!” The rumor that I was a lesbian followed me from that day all the way through high school. As a result, I thought anytime, anywhere, I would want a girl friend, someone to be friendly with, I saw myself as deviant.

    I am now 50.

    The feelings of my childhood, experiencing this sort of alienatation, makes me feel as if I am every bit the damaged goods that I felt I was when I was 10. I see other women in my neighborhood with “girlfriends”, and I cannot tell you what that feels like. As I stated above, there was a rumor circulated about my sexuality when I was just a girl, before I had ever held a boy’s hand, hugged him or even let one kiss me. Wanting “girlfriends” must mean I am deviant.

    Before anyone suggests this, please allow me to state that I am in therapy. I understand where this belief comes from.

    I just don’t know what it feels like to have a “best girlfriend”. When I hear others describe good friends like this, it is a foreign, although very much desired, concept for me.

    Elizabeth

    • Terri says:

      Elizabeth, I’m so sorry that you have lived your life like this, because of one stupid, insensitive child that made fun of you for a completely innocent, sweet action. I wonder what her life turned out to be. And this seemed to have followed you throughout your whole life. You know who you are. Don’t let others affect your happiness. I realize this is easier said than done, but you could go the next 20 years like this or you could put the past behind you and move forward knowing that you are a wonderful, sensitive, giving person deserving of friendship and happiness. I hope you choose the latter. Good luck and best wishes. You my dear, could have many friends if you let it be.

    • Jen says:

      I can relate to your post, Elizabeth. My sexuality can interfere with my friendships, especially in a predominantly heterosexual world. I often desire more than just a friendship with females, but they are too preoccupied with boyfriends and husbands. Even if we manage to strike up a friendship, it’s often undermined by these desires. Often times the sane problem occurs between men and women. One person desires more than the other.

    • C.j says:

      It’s tough when what happened in school caused you pain for the rest of your life. I went through bullying growing up too, and hung out with people that weren’t the best friends to me. They would always use for money or whatever and dump me. I know how you feel, I was called names in school and high school, and it affected how I felt about myself in my adult life too. When I started working, it slowly started to lift my self-esteem and how I felt about myself. And I realized I wasn’t that unlikeable, as I made friends where I worked. But I gradually began to realize I was being treated the same way, except it was happening behind my back and I didn’t know about it with rumours, names etc. I ended up quitting my job, leaving, and developing severe depression and anxiety. I became non-functional for a long time. That was a couple of years ago, I’ve been out of work since, even though I’ve been applying and getting nowhere.

    • Elena says:

      Hi, for most of my life I’ve never really had a best friend or formed close friendships with groups. I did have a casual group of friends. But then my freshman year I started getting closer to two people in my group of friends. There are four people in my friend group Serena, Aria, Jenna, and Laura. Serena is probably the main of the group (the leader). Her and Aria are best friends they are also, distant cousins and grew up together and have many childhood memories. Jenna and Laura are both sisters and are really funny and always lighten up the mood but I just can’t see myself being very close with them. It was Serena and I that had the breakthrough freshman year we started getting a lot closer she even called me and we would talk the phone for hours. And once she started to let me in so did Aria and all three of us would always hangout. I remember one time something happened with Serena and she vented and talked to both me and Aria and it meant the world that she trusted me. I even told she told that she said that me saw me and Aria as equals. Over the summer something happened between me and Serena and I made mistake my head was in the right the place and I was dealing with family issues. Aria was away in England when this happened. I tired to take matters into my own hands and i told Serena I wanted to hangout with her in person and explain what was going on. But she canceled on me twice and soon as Aria came back she completely shut me out. Then after a while I guess our fight went away and I saw her at get togethers we still talk and hangout but things aren’t still what they used to be are were not as close. Lately, she still shuts me out and I’m not invited and my group of friends hangouts and I’m not invited and send me snapchats and rub in my face. I wanna confront Serena and many times i’ve come close but I’m so afraid if i do i won’t have any friends left. Because if i lose Serena I lose the whole group and they will hate me forever. I have no idea what to do and I feel awful inside.

      • Terri says:

        Ah so sorry Elena. Girls, especially can be so cruel in High School. I hope this just blows over and you get your friends back. Sounds like someone is trying to be mean by sending you pics of things you weren’t invited to. You could just take a chance and have a one on one talk with Serena and get everything out in the open in the hopes that you can make up. I mean, you aren’t happy with the way things are now anyway, are you? What do you have to lose. On the other hand, you could choose to just be as nice and friendly to the group as you can hoping that like I said, it will blow over. Good luck. This too will pass and you’ll make whole new groups of friends as you get older. :)

      • C.j says:

        What you should do is probably leave. Find a better group of friends, friends that don’t treat you like crap. You need some self-worth and self-respect. If you allow them to treat you badly, they will. Stand up for yourself even if it means they might hate you for it. Who cares? You are losing “friends” who don’t respect you and don’t care about you. I’ve been in a similar situation where one guy who is the leader of the group, who everybody else follows just didn’t like me, so no one else in that group would like me either. You just got to know when to walk away. If you allow them to keep treating you like crap, they will. And they will keep doing that until you learn not to take it anymore.

  16. Scott says:

    Hello There, Most of my Friends i have Are Online and never met most of the people i currently talk to. i am a 32 year old male that lives with his mother. and i have aspergers syndrome, Encopresis, social and anxiety disorder, with learning disorder, schizophrenia paranoid traitor disorder and ocd. I am known to be very shy and quiet, but i warm up to you and talk alot if i get comfortable, i am also very honest and blunt and i have no idea if i offend anyone or not unless they tell me, i let people know ahead of time if i bother them or not tho. most just avoid me or dont wanna get to know me and that makes me sad. i have my license but no car, and spend alot of time on the computer, my hobbies are video games, cards, and working on music, rock/metal genre, i like to garden. i live in the middle of nowhere, the best was to get around in my area is to ask for rides from my mom. or i can walk downtown, i live in a farmtown thats about 30 miles from any major city or walmart. i been making friends here and there then i lose them over time, i have never dated or gone out with any girls yet and i am not gay, i am attracted to women, but whenever i get to know someone they treat me like i am a weirdo or creep and i been dealing with this since i was in grade school. i cannot remember most of my childhold. when i was 3 days old i was injected with a vaccine that made my body go blue and i had a fever of a 107.3 for 3 days and i came out of it somehow, i been in and out of resource classes throughout school and even went to wayne county arc here in my state of ny. most people i encounter are nice or cruel to me, but only get to know me cause they know i am disabled and want money and that makes me sad. or they get to know me cause they think i have money cause my father was world famous, i have no set goals or interests in anything other then playing video games and my mom safe guards me, i dont really see a therapist and the last time i did, they wanted me to be on antidepressant meds, but ia m not depressed, ijust want a chance at being normal and having friends and even dating, i follow herbal and homeopathic medicine studies tho. Whenever i do meet someone for the first time i tend to make the mistake of giving them too much attention, and i am not sure if i push them away. like i depend on others happyness to make myself happy. but sometimes i like to be alone and game and ignore the world, its hard to explain what i want, anyways that was my message.

    • Amy F says:

      My best advice is for you to think what you bring to a friendship and ask yourself how you can improve on Your positive traits. Then ask yourself what would keep people from wanting to be friends with you and work on reducing those elements.

      Social skills improve the more you use them. Therapy is great place to practice those skills. With all you’re grappling with, I’m surprised you aren’t receiving professional help in the form of counseling. Unless you are a danger to yourself or someone else, you can’t be forced to take medication. Bettering yourself will make you more “attractive” to those seeking friends, because you will project a more positive, healthier image.

  17. Kam says:

    Wow, I’m exhausted from half reading all of that.

    • Terri says:

      So, what did you expect to find on a message board/blog?

    • C.j says:

      Hate to see if you were reading a book or an article.

      • I don’t even know why I still or how I stumbled onto this blog i’ve always been able to make friends it’s not an issue I have enough friends are good friends I have friends that are just that there’s super cool people they’re all different to some are smart, some are stoners I have friends that are athletes surfers artists some are business people men and women older people younger people don’t matter.
        … It’s not that I’m any better than you I just go about doing my own thing. I don’t wait around to see if someone responds to what I say or not sometimes they like it sometimes they don’t really don’t care… It’s the involvement then I’m about not the result of the involvement. Listen to you guys I don’t think there’s enough frosting on the donut oh well I got to go to work at seven not 730 oh well didn’t call me back now just got Abe is really cool you don’t even know the guy
        Get over it just go about your life get off this blog go walk in the park or if you’re paralyzed take a wheelchair or just breathe better start with anything and just get a little better at whatever you do every day because you’re not looking around to see who’s watching you you’re just doing your thing.

        Here’s an analogy you guys are like a boxer he’s a professional boxer and he’s lost every fight because this is what he does he goes in the ring and he throws a punch. Then he stops and looks to see that punch had any effect on his opponent. What do you think happens next he gets clock he gets hit knockdown gets back up puts up his defenses and then make the punch makes contact with with the opponent, And then stops again to see if that punch was effective oh no right cross to the chin and he gets knocked out. And the worst part is after the fight he’ll complain to anyone that will listen about how he wants to be a boxer but doesn’t know why he loses his flights. My advice to him and you guys:
        Stick and move stick and move stick and move.
        Even if the guy loses his next 10 fights at least he’s not standing around waiting to get knocked out and then wondering why he got knocked out,
        got it!?

        One more thing: CJ you sound like a “Troll” …check yourself buddy!
        Let’s put it this way if you look in the mirror and you look like a troll you listen to yourself, and you sound like a troll and you noticed that you act like a troll.——>guess what?
        YOURE A TROLL!!!

        Have a nice day!

        Your Friend,
        Pushmypulltoy

        • joni says:

          Angela, I can relate to you. For a very long time, I have tried to initiate relationships with my female cousins, and aunt. In fact, my hubby and I moved to this town so we could be around family, as both our moms passed. After years of calling, inviting,and reaching out, I finally quit. What really hurts is that I would see other family on facebook, and all responding to each other, but never to me! We changed churches recently, and I kind of wish we had not. Our old church had a ladies group, and I was begining to get to know others, but we moved on to a smaller church. I have thought about starting a womens group, myself; so the reason I have no friends is not for lack of trying! I have been told, and believe myself to be a caring, nice, intelligent women. I always try to reach out. I have given up on my cousins, and aunt (family) but still long for women friends, that I can be close to. I wish you lived closer….we could be friends! Hey..we still can! I live in Pineville, La. I love the outdoors, trying new stuff, eating out, and my husband is gone a month at a time- so I get lonely. Please respond. Have a great evening, Joni

    • Angela says:

      You are the reason I have no friends. I’d rather have no friends than associate with your type, witch.

  18. Casey says:

    I do not have friends, probably for all the above reasons. I also don’t have any actual hobbies so I literally do nothing. I never do anything. I am so tired of it. I have zero social skills and even less reason to have them. I hate myself and everyone around me.

    • Williams says:

      Hi Casey,
      how are you doing, I hope you are fine ? I have been having this problem for quite sometime now, not having friends, please can we be friends ?

    • Sam says:

      Hi Casey, Wondering how to respomd to Amanda?
      I dont see a way to reply directly.

      Anyhow, I can relate. I would say Amanda is A. very honest, some people kid themselves. Many people actually.
      B. There is a pattern, it’s wise to find it. I could have written her exact email word for word.
      C. What I have found to be true is actually borrowed from ways to attract interest im dating guides, but I believe it applies to friends too. It is the push/pull that gets people interested. You approach and tell them something, you retreat and act a bit aloof or even mysterious. If you want something too much, sometimes other people feel repelled. Or at least not intrigued. Even if they want it too. You may have a happy busy life, but to other people who are also busy, you have to draw them to you, not just provide opportunities. One would think they would see how great you are and think to have you come over for movie noght or whatever, but if they aren’t compelled, maybe they even think of it while driving, but never pick ip the phone.

      To Amanda: (most peopl would not benefit from this advice, they may need to give more) I would suggest working on becoming more compelling. Not as “perfect” not quite a sharing and giving, not quite as reaching out. But spend energy working on why you are compelled to things, not what.. Think about that in regards to your situation. Let people chase you, don’t always be available. While being open and available are things many people can learn from you, I think you are attracting lazy people, and maybe even creating lazy people. I understand, if you don’t do it… then nothing may happen. You sound very sociable. I get that friends are an important outlet to you. But be able to be quiet and mysterious too. Try it on new aquaintences first, see if a stranger from the interwebs is right, test it. Let me know. :)

      • Darlene says:

        I like your description, creating lazy people. I never thought of it that way, but it makes a lot of sense.

    • Darlene says:

      Hi Casey,

      It’s pretty understandable to feel that way if things have been going badly with other people for a long time. It’s really hard to go from feeling one way to feeling another way, but unless you try, nothing will change. If you want more connections, an fairly easy place to start is to do some things that interest you.

      I can tell you that by working on the things that I was doing wrong (many of those listed above applied to me, too) things got better in time. You aren’t alone, that’s for sure, and there is help out there. Good luck!

    • Anoymous says:

      Can I offer a little gentle and hopefully non confrontational advice?

      Surely you have some things that you are interested in doing. There must be some things in life that interest you?

      Sometimes it’s even a good thing to try something new even if you need to push yourself do doing these things. Really, this can work and you find yourself doing things that help you connect to others.

      It takes time to do this but at least it’s a start. It takes time and a little patience.

      As for social skills, these take time too and can be acquired; Maybe you are just shy and need time to come out of the shell. I don’t know you but these are just suggestions. As for finding further advice and tips, there are plenty of articles and blogs online which can give advice on acquiring and developing social skills.

      I hope that this perhaps helps.

      Anon.

    • Victoria says:

      I am very surprised at all of these comments. I as a child was also made fun of for being fat and having a mother that was less than moral. We lived in a little town so everyone knew your business and sad to say us kids got the blunt of it. I have to say the best thing that happened to me was getting involved in a church. Thru grade school I didn’t grasp it much but it gave me something to do and kids to be around, don’t get me wrong you are going to find the same kind of people in church. If they were perfect places you would want to stay out of them because you would corrupt them. What I am saying is as I got in middle school I truly learned what it really meant to have a relationship with God. Thru this relationship friendships bloomed and with people that truly cared. There were people I still stayed away from but my hope was in God and I went to Him with everything. Long story short. It is 50yrs later I still have my relationship with God and it just gets better and better and I still have friends from years ago. Some have moved on but it was the big turn around for me. Let me say not every church is what it is suppose to be so if you have had a bad experience, what it really is all about is a relationship with God. Get a bible and read it for yourself. Except the love that He shows you and believe you are as special as He says you are. When you display that assurance and the love of God you will attract people to you..I have so many friends just like all of you describe yourself as..I wish you lived next to me because I would be your friend and would welcome you with open arms..Don’t live a life so lonely as you describe. You have one shot at it until we are called home. Decide today that you are going to make a change and reach out to someone. Walk in a church and tell your story. You will be placed with someone that can help you and if they don’t walk out of that church as fast as you walked in. Remember it isn’t the church it is the relationship you have with God!!! He loves you and has made you just as you are and loves you more than anyone on this earth could ever love you! He put you together in your mothers womb and He makes no mistakes. I wish many blessings on you lady’s and gents and pray that God will lead you to someone that will be your true friend and will stick by your side!!!

      • Terri says:

        Well, that is very nice but I do wonder how you found this particular blog, message board. Not everyone has the relationship with God you describe. I believe but I bet you many of the people in here do not have the faith that you do. You make everything sound a heck of a lot easier than it is for many people. I find I also do not have the same problems as most of the people in here do, but I certainly can understand their dilemma and wouldn’t say that all they have to do is just believe in God, go to church and then they’ll be surrounded by new friends. Don’t think it works for everyone that way. Having said all of that, I do have a deep belief in God and wish for others to find him as well, but I don’t think it’s that easy.

  19. Lisa says:

    This is hilarious! I can’t figure out why they have trouble with relationships/friendships…??! Probably one or both are trolls (maybe the same troll?) which makes CJ’s “Abe” comment disturbing.

    • C.j says:

      Excuse me, I’m not a troll. We had an argument. And we’ve since both moved on. Abe was a real person on this blog, he was a friend of mine, he was someone who used to come here a lot. And he ended up taking his own life. So, to be honest, I’m a little upset by your comment and think it was a bit insensitive. Don’t go jumping to conclusions when you don’t know me, or who I’m talking about, alright?

      • C.j says:

        I can’t prove to you who Abe was since you’re new here, but if you go back and read the history of this blog, you’ll see he was quite active here. So don’t go putting me down and saying that I’m making this up. Because even Irene knows who he was.

    • C.j says:

      And I wasn’t trolling. We had a difference of opinion. We’ve since both moved on. I don’t understand why people are still dwelling on this. You’re free to make other posts.

    • Terri says:

      I don’t have trouble with relationships. As far as friendship, it’s self imposed. I could have friends, and do, just not many because of the one-sided nature of certain friendships. Glad you have a sense of humor. But no hun, not a troll. Are you one?

  20. Terri says:

    If anyone you know is saying they are going to end things and you have information on their true identity, you should call the police, or a suicide hotline and try to get them the help they need. It could be the difference in them ending their life or getting the help needed to recover and live a long, happy life. RIP Carl!

    • Irene says:

      Great reminder, Terri:

      • A free 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) is available to people in crisis (or their loved ones) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are routed to local crisis centers.
      • In the UK or Ireland, Samaritans offers confidential support at 08457 90 90 90.

      • mia says:

        A suicide hotline or prevention is not going to help. There is no reason to live if you are an outcast with no friends and you have no idea why. You can only assume that you are not a human being worth the footprint. Why convince someone they are wonderful and loved by God when you aren’t.

    • C.j says:

      I was calling him Abe the whole time. He was really secretive about revealing anything about himself. And he only told his name in his last email. I don’t even know if that was his real name.

  21. C.j says:

    Who here remembers Abe?

    He was a member of this blog for a while. And a lot of you might have known him. Including Irene. Anyways, it was about this time last year we lost him. He said he had no friends and no future. He gave me his email, we emailed for a bit, I told him my real name, he started to trust me and joked a bit about where I was from. He opened up about his life and his recent divorce with a wife that ran off with his best friend, and how he lost his parents at a young age, says he didn’t have any friends, only people that used him. And he lived alone in an apartment. He says he tried everything over the years, and nothing helped. Including living in 4 different countries. And doing full time volunteer work. He told me he had a plan to end things.

    I told him not to do it. To hold off for a bit in case things get better. He denied it and asked me why I cared. And he said I was the only person that cared enough about him not to. So he held up. Suddenly one day out of the blue, he thanked me for being his “only friend” and said he was going to do it anyway, he was fed up of living, and driving out to Arizona with another couple he met who wanted the same thing. He told me to stay strong and never give up hope in life and not to let the world crush my spirit like it did to him. He closed his email account after that and I never heard from him again. His real name was Carl, he was 42 and from Los Angeles. RIP Abe.

    • C.j says:

      He was a great guy, and was always commenting here. He never put anyone down, always tried to help and understand people with their problems, as well as he said gaining insight into his own problems by reading other people’s and asking questions. He even offered his friendship to a lot of the people writing on this blog, and came up with the idea of making his own group. But not many of them took him up on the offer. But everyone seemed to like him. And I was one of the many lucky enough to have known him. Just sucks that he did what he did.

    • Darlene says:

      That was a tough thing, CJ, good on you for being his friend. I read some of his posts, he sounded like a kind, witty, insightful person, truly bewildering that his life was that lonely… Lovely tribute, CJ.

      • C.j says:

        I didn’t really know him well. I don’t think anyone did. But after I mentioned it here. A lot of people posted their own tributes.

    • Irene says:

      Hi CJ,

      I sure hope he just decided to stop posting here.

      Best, Irene

  22. Kim says:

    I’m new to this blog. My husband & I have been married for 27 years, we have a very good marriage and I’m 48. We had many friend before kids, we had kids late and friends kids were already in grade school. We’ve made friends while the kids were playing sports but really they were just acquaintances. We’ve made other friends, they turned out to be swingers (not judging it’s just not us) and kept pushing it on us and saying everyone is doing it you be surprise you you know is swinging (I’m I that blind)? I tend to get along with men better then women (tend to be so catty) in the midst of it was accused to having an affair for just being friends and was home with my husband at the time. I just don’t get it, I feel like we have to change who we are to fit in. Trust me I’m not perfect by any means but I can’t stand being around people that every other word out of their mouth is foul and try to keep up with the Jone’s. I now have a trust issue with everyone. The funny thing is the people we were friends with are friends with everyone else. I don’t think my husband & I are snobs by any means, just like to go out and have a few drink and conversation with some friends who you can trust and not always have an agenda. I know this must sound like a lot of rambling that’s how confused I am. Maybe the standards today are just to high to make friends, we are just normal everyday working people that are trying to keep morals.
    Thanks for listing to me & have a good one!

    • Darlene says:

      Hi Kim,

      You may just be meeting people who aren’t compatible with your values and interests. It happens, to be sure. Maybe consider seeking out activities that are likely to attract people you can relate to. In cases where you are with people you aren’t compatible with, there is still value and enjoyment in that, just get into the groove and enjoy that people around you for who they are. As for swinging, that’s a whole other issue….not sure I can even begin to wrap my head around that. But I would avoid anyone who applies pressure on you to join. Good luck!

    • Lovey says:

      Hi Kim,

      You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. My husband and I are about the same age as you and yours — we have no kids. I frame it as wanting to be in “polite company”. Nobody is perfect, and I’m sure we all mis-speak once in a while, but we are looking for people who don’t use profanity in every sentence, or think making off-colour or sexist jokes is acceptable in mixed company. Good manners are found in people in every walk of life, so someone’s financial net worth does not make any difference to us if their attitude and demeanour are positive and cheerful and respectful of others.
      Perhaps we do raise our standards as we get older, not because we think we are “better” than others, but because we know who we are, and what we will and will not tolerate in relationships. This is not a bad thing, but it does disqualify many people from being invited into our lives.
      As for being pressured to “swing” — I can’t even imagine. We recently joined a MeetUp for couples who wanted to socialize, and the lady who organized it specifically stated that it was NOT FOR SWINGERS in the description just to make sure there were no misunderstandings. LOL Having met about a half dozen lovely couples so far at this group, I can say that there are many others like us out there.
      As Darlene wisely suggested, keep seeking activities where these people are likely to be and you will meet like-minded people eventually. :)

    • Lisa says:

      Kim, I feel like reading your post, that I actually wrote this. I am a friendly person and willing to help anyone especially my friends. I am loyal and tell nobody’s secrets, yet I am a target for everyone. I moved from one state to another, and we built a house and when we were searching out homes, we were put in touch with a builder who already had 2 homes built in this neighborhood. We were taken into a home on this street and when we went inside were introduced to the woman who owned the house. We looked at her house and when we left i said thank you for allowing us into your lovely home. I hope to be neighbors soon. This woman never answered me, never looked at me, and ignored us completely. when we moved in she never said hello, we said hello to her and everyone else she ignored us. Now, she has spread rumors about us to all tge new homeowners in the neighborhood, that every new person refuses to talk to us and we never even met them. what makes someone so evil that they target others and cause others to dislike them without even getting to know them. I have had many people tell me that this woman is jealous of me, how can you be jealous of someone you have never even taken the chance to get to know. spread hate about us when nobody has gotten to know us because she has spread such gossip. We had a landscaper landscape our home and all of a sudden her kids are running into our flower beds and destroying what we paid thousands to make our home beautiful, she lets them run wild and doesn’t parent them correctly and has them destroy what we just paid to put in. They never came near our property before we beautified it. she walks her dog on our property to defecate but before we landscaped she never came on our side of the street. I have never met such an evil person in my life. I can understand if we had done something to her but how do you spread hate about someone you never even said hello to? I get along better with men than women and always have. but I am friendly to everyone, woman just hate me and I don’t understand why. It makes me sad because I don’t treat people like this and never have.

      • fatima says:

        What a horrid person! If it were me, I would ask the other neighbors if they have had problems with this person.Good luck.

    • Chee says:

      Kim,
      I can certainly understand what you have been through. We had kids late too. I’m 50. I’m not quite sure what happens, but it seems like nobody wants to come out of the house – people become reclusive.
      We were always getting together with our friends and then one by one they dropped off. One thing that I find really amusing is that the older people get the less of a verbal filter they have. Then its hard to find “that couple.” The couple you meet where both of them are “normal” – cuz ya know one of them is gonna be…well…not right. I think we know two couples that we can stand to be with. Ughh…
      I love meeting new people.

  23. Nat says:

    I’ve been married47 years and I have to say It has been a waste of time. In all those years I’ve never had a friend who I could some go where with. Not to a strip club or anything dumb like that. If I go some place I get interigated ya know how tall what’s his weight, hair or no hair, smokes or not. I would like to have a guy friends to be with on occasion, No fishing trips to Alaska just some one to hang out with. If she doesn’t approve of me going out, she just makes me feel like an ass.Its like she worried I’m going with some lady, come on I’m 70 years old and unable to make any lady happy, I have a hard time making the wife happy let alone some one else. I’m forced to live under her umbrella its her way or the highway. BUt I let her go out with her friends all the time, I never ask who or where.

    • Terri says:

      Nat, that’s no way to live. If I were you I would sit her down and tell her that you’re not happy. Tell her why and let her know that if it continues and you’re not able to live your life the way you see fit, with friends etc., then though it may be hard, you will pick up your things and you will leave. Hoopefully that will scare her enough to loosen up the reins. Life is short. Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this? even if it’s only a bluff, hopefully it would get the point across. Please, if you think that she would call your bluff and you would be out on the street, then please do not take my advice. Only you know your wife. But for goodness sakes, you deserve the same respect you give her.

    • C.j says:

      Better listen to the relationship counselor, Nat.

      But yeah, I would bring it up with her in a calm manner, and say look, you get to hang out with your friends whenever you want, and whenever I want to do something, I have to put up with your jealousy, nagging and you constantly asking questions. Probably not in those words, but just discuss it, and hopefully with a bit of persistence or patience she’ll understand and start to loosen her grip. Bring up your age, and that you love her and wouldn’t do anything to hurt her and that maybe she’s being a bit controlling.

      • Terri says:

        So you agree with me, but yet you just had to get a dig in. And all because I dared to waste my time trying to help you. You know what, you’re a spoiled little brat.

        • C.j says:

          It was a compliment Terri. Relax. You dared to waste your time “helping” me? Are you serious? You put me down and made me feel like crap. You still do. With “help” like that, you can keep it.

          • Terri says:

            That’s b.s. LOL though. You said “Better listen to the relationship counselor”, that was in no way a compliment, but instead, obvious sarcasm. And C.J. I tried helping you by giving you the truth, not some idealistic view of your situation that you were getting elsewhere. I’m very sorry you couldn’t take it as such instead of in such a negative way. :(

            • C.j says:

              Ah, so you picked up on that, eh? Well, whatever, but at least I know there’s a difference between an opinion and the truth. Yours is an opinion. Mine is an opinion. We have two different OPINIONS. And if you wanted to apologize, you could start for calling me things like “narcissist” and “spoiled brat” amongst the other things you’ve called me here just because I don’t agree with you.

              • Terri says:

                Yeah, compliment right?? LOL. So I should add “liar” to the other things I called you.

                I would never in a million years apologize to you. It should be the other way around.

                • C.j says:

                  Oh I’m sorry, I should apologize? For what? Your insults and the things you’ve been calling me this whole time. You claim you gave me advice, when all you gave me was a bunch of opinions and then proceeded to attack me when I disagreed. And saying horrible things about me. Yeah right, my last post I was joking. I was just happy that someone else here stuck up for me. Yeah I’ll apologize to you… Just don’t hold your breath.

                  • Irene says:

                    Terri and CJ,

                    Please refrain from any further arguing and name-calling with each other. It is inconsistent with the purpose of this blog.

                    Thanks
                    Irene

                    • C.j says:

                      I’m sorry for arguing here, Irene.

                      For anyone else, here’s what happened. I described a situation I’m in, where I had met someone on Facebook, we became friends, we started getting to know each other more, and it gradually turned into a long distance relationship (that is still going strong for me and we’ve become close). We talk on the phone too. We get along really well, and we’re always in touch with each other. We send gifts too. We literally message for hours, everyday and night. And we’ve even discussed meeting up as well. I don’t see what’s wrong with that.

                      I was feeling a bit down one day and asked for advice from a member here who had also been in a LDR about how to maintain contact while I’m out on a cruise ship in the ocean.

                      Terri didn’t like it. Terri butted into our conversation, became bitter, and accused me of talking to scammers/catfish (when when we started off as friends on Facebook and she has never asked for money or anything), saying my situation was hopeless, that things were only going to fall apart, putting me down, calling me stupid and gullible, saying that it’ll never work out, that it wasn’t a real relationship, that what I’m feeling isn’t real, that this girl is trying to get away from me because she hates me so much etc (then why do we still message each other everyday, and keep up the contact?). And then she starts up with the personal insults as well saying that I’m pathetic and can’t sustain this because I’m too poor etc.

                      I was feeling a bit hurt, I decide to stand up for myself, and explained myself further. I took her points on board, but pointed out that she was being rude and harsh towards me with the insults, and that she was wrong about a few things. She denied it and was even arrogant enough to call it all the truth and blame it all on me and saying that I should just break up with her, and that I’m the one who’s wrong. And then she apologized to me in a condescending, nasty way (calling me a child, a narcissist etc) and saying that I can’t handle the truth.

                      Why should I apologize to someone who got offended by something I did that makes me happy, something that happened naturally to me (that wasn’t a choice?) just because that person doesn’t believe in/agree with it? Isn’t that her issue? Oh, and I’m still hurt from all the abuse I’ve copped here as well that she still hasn’t apologized for.

                    • Terri says:

                      Irene, please take care of C.J. and his passive aggressive posts. You ask us to stop, I say nothing and he always revisits this feud he has made up in his head with me. He might wait a few days so you don’t ban him, but then he starts again as you see. C.J. doesn’t belong here because as you and many have mentioned in the past, this isn’t a dating blog, it’s about friendship and C.J. has never talked about friends, only this long distance relationship he’s in. But I am getting pretty tired of him talking about me.

                      As far as this post goes, first…I have never and will never apologize for anything I’ve said to C.J. Any thoughts otherwise, have definitely been misunderstood. Second, while much of what C.J. is saying is true, it’s very much out of order. I didn’t just hear his story and start insulting him.

                      I haven’t told C.J. anything he hasn’t been told by most on here that have engaged him. His long distance relationship isn’t quite a “real” relationship and has little chance of going anywhere. That is an opinion. I’m allowed to have it. C.J. is here looking for affirmation that his relationship has a chance and if you don’t give it to him, he just argues with you. He talks about his being out to sea but he told it wrong. He wasn’t asking anyone for advice on how to keep in touch with this girl while he was on his cruise. He came on here talking “s***” about his family for having the nerve to buy him a cruise, during which time he was scared this girl who he might not be able to communicate with for 8 days, would break up with him. I told him he was an ungrateful brat (because of his family paying for his cruise) and asked what kind of relationship couldn’t make it for 8 days without contact. I think that’s a good point.

                      C.J. is under the impression that people care about his LDR. No one cares CJ, that’s why no one engages you. Go work this out on your own or find an appropriate blog and leave me the hell alone.

                      Do what you have to Irene!

                    • Irene says:

                      Terri,

                      Please stop posting messages to CJ. This back and forth is no longer helpful.

                      Thanks. Irene

                    • C.j says:

                      How was I being passive aggressive? I was explaining what happened in honest terms. This feud that I made up in my head? So those names you called me were all on good terms? I have, in fact, talked about friendship here. My earlier posts were about friendship. If I can remember, you weren’t exactly pleasant when replying to them either.

                      And how did I misunderstand you? It sounded to me like you were being a bit hostile. And when I explained myself further the second time, it was like you exploded. You’re stubborn and I’m not expecting an apology from you anytime soon but it would be nice. You’ve really hurt my feelings with a lot of the things you’ve said to me. I was actually talking to someone else, but you were rude enough to butt in and start harassing me. And it was all because I disagreed with you about something, you didn’t like it, and you started getting all nasty and rude. Now look at what you’re doing, by telling Irene to ban me so you get the last word in. Because you can’t handle it that someone has a different opinion to you.

                      What others who’ve engaged me here? Name one other person that’s attacked me here as much as you have. Please, by all means. And who are you to define what’s a “real relationship” and what’s destined to “go nowhere”? Okay, Dr. Phil. I’m waiting. So you’re finally admitting you have an opinion and you’ve stopped calling it a fact and the “truth” now. Maybe something got through after all. I was asking for advice on how to keep in touch with someone. Not that you’d know anything about that. You are just picking out parts from my posts (and ignoring the rest) so you can make me out to look like something I’m not. I was not talking “s***” about my family. I was talking “s***” about the trip that I went on. If you were there and experienced it yourself, you would know what i meant. And what is your problem, exactly? And why are you so offended by what I do? Sounds like you’re a bit bitter and have a chip on your shoulder. Maybe a past experience? Don’t answer that, I don’t need to hear your life story.

                      You said that no one here cares, but you seem to. Those other people aren’t putting me down and treating me nasty like you do. Leave you alone? What about when you thought it was a good idea to jump into my conversation with someone else. You embarrassed me on this thread by bullying me in front of the rest of the people on this blog.

                      And don’t treat Irene like a servant either. If she wants to ban me (or us both) she will when she is ready, she doesn’t need to take orders from you.

                    • Irene says:

                      CJ, please let go of this. There is no more to be said that will be helpful to other readers of this post.
                      Thanks for your cooperation. Irene

                    • C.j says:

                      And if you think I’m being ridiculous. If you think I’m the only one that has met someone online. You type this into Youtube, and you’ll see how it’s happened to other people too. And for many of them, it has worked out fine. Me and this girl are closer than before, we’ve really gotten to know each other well and our bond has grown stronger. So like I said, you know zero about this (despite thinking you know 110%).

                      https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=long+distance+relationship+first+meeting

                    • C.j says:

                      It’s all good, Irene. I’ve said all I wanted to say.

                    • James says:

                      Hilarious. I came here via a search about being a lonely weirdo.

                      All I find is someone called Terri and CJ bitching at each other filling most of the page.

                      Oh well.

                    • Laura says:

                      James, this is only one post on a blog with 100s of other posts. It’s not representative of the majority of the content on this blog.

                    • Terri says:

                      James, please accept my apology. I don’t want to take away from the intent of this blog. I won’t be engaging CJ again. And I hope you stay. There are many other lonely people here I would guess and I feel as if there might be help for you hear if you want it or at least a place to vent/express your feelings. It is true, this got out of hand, and I hate to see you go away because of it. Again, I’m really sorry for my part and if you just ignore these posts and read on, you might get something out of it. :)

                    • C.j says:

                      You’re welcome to read the million or so other posts, James.

                    • C.j says:

                      James, being lonely doesn’t make you a weirdo. Bitching on one of the posts out of the millions here on this blog does.

            • Jade Hibiscus says:

              Terri! Seriously???? Grow a sense of humour. His comment was funny AND complimentary toward you.

              • Terri says:

                Excuse me???? You should stay out of it Jade because you have no idea of the history between us here on this blog.

              • C.j says:

                Thanks Jade I’m always trying to be funny and make people laugh. It’s one of my passions in life. And if you ever need a friend or someone to talk to I’m always here. And if we happen to start talking online, getting to know each other and develop a bond for each other we’ve already got a counselor here we can discuss things with.

                • Terri says:

                  LOL…Jade, be careful because he’s never been any one of the things he describes in his first sentence. He’s been needy, negative and pathetic and has been admittedly rude to me when all I did was try to help him. He didn’t hear what he wanted to and got upset like a little child. You should read some of his posts if you want to know what he is like. And not the most recent ones only. Like I said, he’s kind of weird. Be very careful before you start a friendship with him.

                  • C.j says:

                    Yep, I’m the one who’s rude and negative… Let’s see what you just called me then… You called me needy, pathetic, rude, weird. And I’m the one who should apologize. Jade is right, you need to grow a sense of humour or at least a brain.

        • C.j says:

          Oh, and don’t give me that spoiled brat stuff! The trip that my family “booked for my birthday” was never about my birthday. It was about a trip that they had already booked and it just happened to be on the same date as my birthday, and they pretended all like “oh, we did this for your birthday” as an excuse to not sound selfish, while I was left alone that whole trip to enjoy my own company while they went shopping and did things that they enjoyed doing. I was very annoyed as I had already planned something else for my birthday and had to cancel it because I found out about this at the last minute. So go stuff yourself!

          • Terri says:

            So odd that your own family would pay for your trip and then ignore you the whole time. I wonder if it’s time to start asking yourself why because from my experience, you’re such a sweet person. :)

            • C.j says:

              Nice to see you just picked the part you wanted to read and made an argument out of that. Yes, your sarcasm there was obvious too. You’re an incredibly amazing person with a great heart. You should give more relationship advice to people in this forum. Maybe you can include a few of the compliments you’ve given me these past few months. :)

            • C.j says:

              You don’t know my family. They felt guilty about going on a trip during the week of my birthday and figured since it’s what they wanted to do, “hey we’ll just bring him along with us and we’ll make it look like it’s for his birthday”. Do you get it now? Yeah I know I should be grateful, but hey I didn’t exactly want to go. I would’ve been happy just going out to dinner. And it was a terrible trip (and I knew it would be). The ship was old. The seas were bad around those parts, the weather was horrible because it is winter and there are storms out there, and the ship made a lot of people seasick. On top of that, the food drinks etc were way expensive, and we ended up with a bill at the end of the trip that you needed a loan to pay. They literally tried to sell us everything once we were on board. The only thing to do there was shopping, I never got a choice of what I wanted to do or even eat on my OWN birthday. So don’t tell me I should be grateful, because I tried to enjoy myself, but it was bad, the food was bad, the weather was bad, it was too expensive and we couldn’t afford it and I didn’t get any kind of choice about anything and it should’ve been my birthday. I spent 5 days on a ship that was swaying back and forth, making me sick, you literally couldn’t walk straight. There was nothing to do there but buy things. And it took me a week to recover. So don’t tell me I’m a spoiled brat because I didn’t enjoy it. You don’t know my family, and you don’t know what my trip was like.

              • Darlene says:

                Hey CJ and Terri, probably best to agree to disagree and leave it at that. Before you both get blocked and all that. :)

      • I’m in the same boat like everybody else who’s posted on this blog I have no friends either I would like to make friends and keep them but its hard for me to do that

        • Darlene says:

          Hey Frankie, I would suggest that you check out what Irene has written above. A lot of those things used to apply to me. It can really help to look honestly at your situation and see what may not be working for you. It could also be that you aren’t meeting people you are compatible with. There are lots of reasons why you could be in this situation. But, there is lots of information and help out there, you don’t need to without friends, seriously. :)

    • MC says:

      I fell the same as you, most have always been self centred people, I was always the one having to initiate anything. With a troubled childhood with abuse is hard but I do lie to be sociable but then there is the trust issue, I tended to trust anyone for a long time but found most are just after their own enjoyment even if on the tails of others. I only have one friend from High school days but nothing to do with anyone before that due to other bad issues. At at age 50+ did not find real resolution to social issues until my current wife and kids ongoing 13 years now, I finally feel accomplished something with relationships. before that could never last with anything due to insecurities with my bad childhood. So not certain why many behave the way we do, but many have a lot of underlying issues that sculpture their behaviour well into adulthood. I had been a victim of bad things, done some bad things when younger, never really was ale to have good relationships or good social circles for a while until just happen to meet that person or two who connect with that helps overcome a lot. Humans are very emotional beings, sometimes to the point a lot of bullshit gets suppressed but will still affect the gut feelings, the behaviour, social experiences. Last we not judge those that we really do not under stand. [EDITED FOR VIOLATION OF TERMS OF SERVICE; PROFANE LANGUAGE WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.]

    • Arii says:

      Oh Nat, that is such a sad way to live. Please, live your life and make your friends. Your wife will respect you more if you “man up.” I could not find a polite way to say what really needs to happen ASAP. You could be here for 30+ more years. Do you want those years to be happy and active — with friends? Or do you want to live out your life hen pecked, sad, and resentful? I think you should put your foot down and life. With a smile on your face and love in your heart, do what you want to do. Your wife will respect your backbone. This time next year you’ll be living a full life: happy marriage and thriving friendships.

  24. Confused & alone says:

    I posted on this subject some time ago & for the life of me cannot find my comment. I am almost 30 , a single mother of two. I live with my mother because, my grandmother went into renal failure a few years ago. She now has advancing demintia. She raised my mental/ physically handicapped cousin who still lives with her. I moved back home in order to provide care for them both. It does not leave availability for a job outside the home. Despite my attempts over my life time to gain friends I have been mostly unsuccessfull. I have always been able to “find” “Friends” but, they never stick around long. My longest friend was over 8 years but, even she has since left. I am the suportive friend who people come to when the need a shoulder to cry on or advice. I do give upfront advice & tell the truth which is why I beleive my longest friend stopped talking to me. ( Her mother was unhappy with her choice to go into active duty military overseas. She left her kids with her mother for her 1 year 6 month tour and refused to give custody to the father. She was planning to go for another tour 3 years this time & came to me wanting me to agree with her decision & speak to her mother for her. I of course told her this was not fair to the grandmother or the children. That she couldn’t be deployed in another country & a custodial parent with her kids in the US. Plus, it was wrong of her to expect her mother to raise her children.) Anyways, despite all the “friends” I have had I tend to only hear from them when they have a problem or are upset. Recently all my friends have settled in relationships and although I make a valiant effort to keep in touch & even offer group activities I rarely if ever hear back from anyone. I do my best to be a great friend & am often told I am an awesome friend, the kind everyone needs. I guess it seems just that way to me, when they NEED me. I am now not able to even go out and meet new people but, also feel like there isn’t much a point as well. If I haven’t managed to find someone who loves me for me & not just what I can be for them in 30 years it really seems unlikely it would happen now. I am happy & some what content being alone. I have a lot of stress & expectations on me right now. Plus, I feel trapped being completely financially dependant on my mother. My car died (really no saving it) a couple years ago & we have been sharing a car since. I can’t afford anything! I couldn’t even get a job if I needed to bc, we live in the country with no public transportation & nothing within walking distance. I spend all day homeschooling my kids & caring for my grandmother who just repeats the same stories over & over. Is it really too much to ask for one good friend to pop open a bottle of wine and gab for one night a month? Well, there’s my rant! I don’t know what I can change to help myself. I don’t feel right advising others on here either when I am a complete failure at this whole thing myself. Book making the page this time so I can hopefully find my comment again.

    • Darlene says:

      I doubt you’re a failure of any kind. :). You are obviously a kind and responsible person, that’s a huge start. It sounds like you may have more than one thing working against you; isolation, very little free time and a lifestyle that makes it hard for people to relate to you, although I am sure you are well respected for helping your family.

      Is there any way you can set aside time just for you? Maybe get into town for a regular activity that keeps you connected with others and gives you an opportunity to meet with others. Plus, a break just to be you, it could even be volunteering, which is free, you can meet some great people doing that. Depending on your area and circumstances, there is often respite nursing care available for caretakers, maybe check it out. It’s important that you get some time off and be who you are. :)

      • Confused & alone says:

        I used to volunteer at the no kill shelter until my car died. Now I can’t get there anymore. The nursing care is really hard with demitia. The person has to finish all the tests to be properly diagnosed on the stage and my grandmother refuses to finish them. She not dumb! She know what that would mean for her. My real issue isn’t making friends though it’s keeping them around. No, me time I have two young children and no child care. Even my bathroom isn’t safe since the lock broke! When they are gone I will have me time, in the mountains, in my cabin, on my farm, with my burly, hunter/ woodsman husband! Hey, a girl can dream! Lol!

        • Darlene says:

          A burly woodsman sounds great. :). I suspect an answer will come if you keep your eyes open. All the best to you!

  25. Terri says:

    Goodness gracious……touchy, touchy. Well, this is a public forum and I have a right to comment on ANY public post. The only reason I’ve posted to C.J. specifically is because when I was posting, he and Jen were the only ones posting. They are the only ones I have learned anything about so when I see them post, I might comment. As for the hateful response, I won’t post directly to you anymore C.J. You are an unappreciative little boy and I don’t have time to try to help someone with so little respect and graciousness. One final comment though, if you’re so happy and your “relationship” is so great, why do you always have so many hurt feelings and problems relative to it. My relationship never creates this kind of angst and constant need to get advice from random people you don’t know. Enough said.

    • C.j says:

      So because your relationship is flawless you don’t need any empathy and that gives you the automatic right to put me down, insult me, make me feel bad (when I might already be having an off day), criticize me and make me feel like dirt. Just take a look at the things you’ve called me or said about me. You are sarcastic, mean and condescending.

    • C.j says:

      Well, you were right. She hasn’t spoken to me in a couple of days. I dont know if it was something I said or did, or she finally got tired of things and gave up. But I can’t seem to stop crying now… I hope you’re happy, Terri! You’ve been telling me this all along, and now it’s happened. So, there you go.

      • C.j says:

        Tonight she came back online and she messaged me. Told me how much she loves me and misses me. Turns out I was just overthinking things. She was busy.

        • Terri says:

          Wow, you’re really something C.J. I wish she could see this stuff. First it’s my fault that it’s over and now you’re over the moon because you were “just overthinking things”. You can look forward to many more ups and downs like this. Good luck C.J. You’re going to need it in this “relationship”.

          • Terri says:

            CJ…this isn’t a dating site. People are on here with REAL problems finding friends and companionship. You are a narcissist that seems to only care about what is going on with you. Why don’t you go to a blog where people talk about their own romantic relationship failures ad nauseam. It’s not fair to consume the conversation with this problem of yours. I wish the moderator would come on here and tell you that it’s not appropriate to monopolize the conversation with this one thing…your on-line relationship problems. Every time someone comes on here and talks about their problem with making friends, you jump in with this crap. Stop it already. Please.

            • C.j says:

              I have stopped talking about it, but you’re the one who keeps going on about it, and insisting I’m wrong and stupid and blah. Maybe I just don’t care. Your rudeness and constant urge to push a point down my throat is doing less to convince me now, and more to annoy and irritate me. How about you mind your business and I’ll mind mine. And I changed subject once, you accuse me of changing it every time. When you’re the one who replied to me 20 times and couldn’t help yourself.

          • C.j says:

            Where did I say anything was your fault? I just said I hope you’re happy. You’ve been putting me down and treating me like a piece of dirt here. And I’m the one who’s really something? I do look forward to the ups and downs in life and the uncertainty in between. It makes things interesting. Always a pleasure talking with you, Terri. Always appreciate your warm, kind and helpful “advice”.

            • Terri says:

              C.J. this will be my last comment to you so please just drop it. You don’t have to have the last word. I HAVE tried to help you. If you ever noticed anything other than yourself, you would know that the advice I have attempted to give people is always what I consider to be honest and not sugar coated. You should have just ignored me from the beginning if you didn’t like that kind of advice. I’m not going to lie to you because it makes you feel better. I have never done anything other than try to make you see that one, on-line relationships don’t work out much of the time when people never meet each other and two, you could make better use of your time by trying to find the real thing where you live because you are still young. You never took my advice as it was intended but instead, chose to accuse me of putting you down and being mean spirited, which was never my intent, but instead to just wake you up. I’m sorry you think it’s ok to have the kind of ups and downs you are going through with this girl, but it’s not normal and it’s not healthy and it’s not a good relationship, no matter what you think. Maybe the fact that my relationship has been great for going on 12 years should make you see that possibly I know something with respect to this subject???? But you want to go it alone and just moan and groan and cry and complain when she doesn’t message you for 2 days and be an ungrateful little brat when your family wants to take you on a cruise for 8 days for your birthday because you won’t be able to contact this “fantasy” girl you have fallen in love with. So, be miserable, take up everyone’s time and energy on this blog looking for someone, anyone to tell you this is all normal. But do me a big favor, take it somewhere else. There are people in here who have REAL issues and problems with making connections with people in this world who could use some advice. And we don’t need to be bogging down this blog with this crap anymore.

              • Irene says:

                @CJ and @Terri,

                It’s easy for conversations online to get out of hand. Please end this dialogue between you which has diminishing interest to everyone following the thread. Thanks!

                Irene

                • Natalie says:

                  Agreed. Moderator, Are you able to delete their comments? As it is really distracting and in poor taste. From what else I have experienced this blog is intended to be a place of friendship and relationship support. But these back and forth trading of insults have made it nearly worthless to follow this thread. :(

                  • Irene says:

                    Natalie,

                    The conversation has ended but it serves as an example of how conversations can go awry at the Internet. This is one instance among many thousands of more positive conversations. I hope you can overlook it. Thanks. Irene

              • C.j says:

                Yeah I heard you 1000th time. You bring this up more than me. And who am I stopping from posting here? Please tell me. Anyone can post here its not my blog. But this whole time I’ve been defending myself against your crude comments and insults. When I was asking Jen a question. I don’t know why I waste my time or energy with you.

                • Irene says:

                  @CJ I’ve asked you to please stop this argument. If you continue, I’ll have to remove your posts. Please cooperate. Thanks, Irene

    • C.j says:

      Never said it was.

  26. He Who Slayed God says:

    Let me tell u something, I’m going to go ahead and tell u that u don’t need friends in life, let me rephrase DONT NEED ANYONE, as long as u learn to be self aware of yourself and know who you are, you will be fine. Everyone is faceless,pitiful, evil and weak they rely on each other to forget how pitiful they are, they want to lie to themselves, they want to be better then they truly are, and they want to feel like they’ve done nothing wrong, but the world is faceless and fake everyone is blind, if you learn to see yourself for who you are, you will wake up and see how horribe the world is. And fend for yourself. Many people consider me a bad weed in society, but they are blind They do not see the truth. No one wants to exist to satisfy someone else they want self satisfaction. The real question is “do I want to satisfy others”, “do I want to sacrifice my lifespan to keep someone else happy” “while I am not”. “Or do I want to live a simple life of complete self awareness”

    • Confused & alone says:

      I suppose I can see your point. We’re not going to die without friends and in many ways friendships can be a, dare I say, burden. The fact is that it is in our very nature to be social. To desire companionship & support from others. I obviously, ( see my main post) cannot live without other people in my life. Most of the people in my life however, are dependent on me for support & care. I have been called a pessimist for my views of humanity but, I see people based on what I have been shown. I see myself as a realist, I have realistic expectations of people based on the history I have with people. Most people are selfish, it takes a strong determined person to over come that base nature of ours. Closing out the world and saying you are a ” lone wolf” & need/want no one else in your life is also be selfish & self fulling though. I have very much sacrificed my own ” happiness” for those I love & who need me. I am not perfect but, I do believe I am self aware. I can see the good & the bad in myself & work everyday to change what needs to change to bring those around me & myself more happiness & fulfillment in our lives. Wanting some one who is not my blood to like me, accept me, and stand by me is only wanting for myself what I also want for others. If you look at the world so bleakly you cannot blame others for reflecting that view back on to you. Not everyone is bad & ugly & not all of any one person is bad & ugly. It’s all in your perspective &. Faith in mankind. If I can care, empathize, love, and be loyal I cannot believe I there are not more people in the world who can & do as well.

  27. He Who Slayed God says:

    Let me tell u something, I’m going to go ahead and tell u that u don’t need friends in life, let me rephrase DONT NEED ANYONE, as long as u learn to be self aware of yourself and know who you are, you will be fine. Everyone is faceless,pitiful, evil and weak they rely on each other to forget how pitiful they are, they want to lie to themselves, they want to be better then they truly are, and they want to feel like they’ve done nothing wrong, but the world is faceless and fake everyone is blind, if you learn to see yourself for who you are, you will wake up and see how horribe the world is. And fend for yourself. Many people consider me a bad weed in society, but they are blind They do not see the truth.

  28. Teresa says:

    Read the conversations and relieved to know that I am not alone in this. Feeling much better now that I know that I’m not the only one who can’t seem to make or keep any friends / maintain relationships. Guess it really was my Anxiety issue that caused my character flaw and drove people away.
    Thank you all for this closure.

    • Confused & alone says:

      You saying it was a character flaw that drove people away is not being fair to yourself. True friends accept you I spite of your flaws. I have had many difficult friendships because, of anxiety & depressive issues my friends struggle with. It is not your fault that people walked away from you. A true friend will come to you & express issues that put a stain on your friendship and try to work with you to ease the problem so the friendship can survive. I however, cannot find other post about your situation. I can say the friendship I had with people with such conditions ended because, those people pushed me & others away. They made it impossible to maintain the friendship or asked directly for it to end. It is difficult to maintain friendship with people who are unable to empathize with your particular situation. Unfortunately, anxiety disorders are grossly misunderstood and under treated making it very difficult for those who suffer the illness to overcome it. Have you sought therapy for the anxiety? Group therapy has a higher success rate for long term treatment & management. Plus, you would meet people who are in your shoes & understand what you are feeling & dealing with. I feel for you, I used to suffer from anxiety disorder, crazy panic attacks, and still occasionally have issues with it. You can manage it though & you can find friends who understand it if you are willing to step out of your comfort zone. I wish you the best & hope I was some help & comfort to you.

  29. Juliana says:

    Hi my name is juliana I am 14 years old and I have a friend problem ever since 5th grade you see I am in middle school now so middle school is filled with drama constaly. But that’s okay I use to be with a pretty popular group but they thought I was too crazy so I got put in with a diffrent group of friends and I think this group is okay but I am getting. Pretty tired of being tossed around like a ball in a game of monkey in the middle

    Could any of you guys help ?

    • Jen says:

      Juliana don’t allow people to toss you around like that. Honestly I never really fit in anywhere I ever went. It didn’t matter what school, town, clique, we are talking about. The positive thing about it is you can try to blend in with whoever YOU want. It’s up to you.

      • C.j says:

        Jen, how are things going? How are things going with the boyfriend? I haven’t heard from my girl at all today. She said she wouldn’t have the internet until Monday. But she still usually uses her phone. So I’m a little worried. My heart has been aching all day today. We usually talk everyday, and I noticed she doesnt seem to care as much now or even say as much. I don’t know if she is losing interest in me. We haven’t said good morning for the past two days. I even mentioned chatting over webcam and she got upset. I don’t know why that would even upset someone. She says she’s too shy, plus she lives with her family and they always ask about me. I feel like we’re drifting apart some days and it hurts. She asked me if I could come there, and I wanted to, but my aunties booked a cruise for my birthday and didnt bother asking me if that’s what I wanted. I don’t even want to go. And I’m worried I wont be able to keep in touch with her on the ship in the ocean. She said she would wait for me, but it’s 8 days. I’m so frustrated. Everything seems to be going wrong!!

        • Terri says:

          CJ, I know you aren’t asking for advice to posting to me because I don’t tell you what you want to hear and you get that from Jen, but take my advice anyway….it’s time to move on from this “on-line” relationship you’ve got going on. Seriously, she is distancing herself from you, she doesn’t want to chat on web cam but she wants you to go there??????? Come on C.J., really? You don’t think that sounds weird. I mean, how many times have you made it pretty clear that things are standing in your way in terms of going to visit her? I know that you really won’t do that, so I’m pretty sure she does too. It’s easy to ask someone to do something you know has about a 1% chance out of 100% of happening. Time for find a real flesh and blood girl by you that you have a chance of developing something with. You could pursue this until you’re an old man, but why would you want to. There is a whole world out there waiting for you. Go get it and let this go for goodness sake. You may NOT WANT TO HEAR THIS, but you need to.

        • Terri says:

          And a couple more things C.J., there was someone trying to get advice and Jen reached out to her….it’s not right to start making things about yourself when you know Jen likes you and will respond, diverting her attention from the young girl who might need Jen’s advice. And look at the last part of your post. Are you serious? You have to go on an 8 day cruise (poor you :( ) and she tells you she will wait for you and you’re worried that she won’t because it’s 8 whole days. I’m going to be really hard on you right now because this post makes me know you REALLY need it and I like you (hard as it might be to believe right now)….You’re worried she won’t be able to wait for you, someone she’s never seen or met, for 8 whole days??????? Seriously????? That’s weird C.J. First off, people in good relationships, long distance or otherwise, could wait for each other for 10 times that long with no problem and secondly, you sound very desperate and that’s just not attractive.

          • C.j says:

            Oh shut the hell up Terri I’m really getting tired of your condescending crap now. I was talking to Jen, because she can relate to what I’m going through and here you are butting in again. All you know is what I’ve told you. So why don’t you just shut up and go away now? You sound like the person who gives up on a relationship and says “oh its too hard boo boo Hoo waah better call it quits”. There is nothing stopping me from getting on a plane and going to see her.

            • C.j says:

              I was just asking someone for advice and all you’ve done is jump down my throat. I feel a bit annoyed to be honest. And last time

              • C.j says:

                And you’re right I did divert attention here and want to apologize. It was rude and selfish of me. Thanks for mentioning that.

          • C.j says:

            Whats wrong with asking Jen for advice? How is her situation different? I’m sick of you attacking me and only me and I feel pretty targeted right now. I understand you have strong negative views on long distance relationships but thing is I really wasn’t asking for your opinion and I really don’t care. And another thing, I am sick of you banging on about “Just find someone else” if you love someone you at least want to try in a long distance relationship and that is what I’m going to do whether you like it or not. I would rather try than walk away and settle for what you call “normal”. Like I said you only know what I’ve mentioned and not 100% of the story or the specifics. So why don’t you just stop butting in right now and allow me to have a conversation with Jen? Someone that understands how my heart is feeling right now.

          • C.j says:

            So you think that because we haven’t met face to face that this is like a blind date? Once again, that’s your opinion. I still know a lot about her Terri. And I can’t prove that to you without sending a few things. I wouldn’t be in this if I thought she was lying to me. Ive found she’s been honest with most of the things she says. And what you’re saying I disagree with because long distance takes more effort to communicate, trust and share than face to face relationship. You don’t always know what your partner is up to and you need to at least feel a presence in each others lives.

        • Jen says:

          Hey CJ, there’s no boyfriend. I talk to a lot of people online, some conversations are more romantic than others. Unfortunately I have a hard enough time finding friends-online and in-person. Many people don’t turn out to be who you thought they are. I hope this isn’t the case with your online relationship. We’ve seen some worst case scenarios on the show Catfish. Are you friends with this girl on social media? I would just want to make sure the person is legit at this point, and then try no to worry about it. She’s probably just busy.

          • C.j says:

            Oh that’s a shame Jen. Yeah I know the kinds of conversations you mean you do have to be careful. You sound nice enough to me to have friends. You can usually tell after a while whether the person is dodgy but you do need to be careful. I know her on Facebook and her profile is legitimate with friends and family on there. You’re probably right maybe she is busy and might be back tomorrow. She did say she wouldn’t have the internet till Monday

          • C.j says:

            I just hope she isn’t sick of me Jen and will come back. She told me once she needed a commitment, she’s 32 and wants kids. And that maybe she is wasting her money on internet and time on me. We did have a minor argument before she went offline that night but she seemed fine. And I do message her a lot (probably too much). Maybe I’m overthinking things.

          • Terri says:

            Jen, be careful out there….you’re right. Lot’s of people are not what they seem.

    • C.j says:

      When you finish middle or high school in a few years time you’ll look back on this and see it for what it is. And none of it will matter then.

    • Danielle says:

      Juliana, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, pre-adolescent girls are all bitches. I don’t know why we do this to one another, but we pick on those of whom we are most jealous and drive them out of the flock. It’s a power play or some other innate instinct to make ourselves feel better. A girl can go from being the most popular, happy child to the most reviled, desperate young woman in a blink of an eye. You’re not crazy – and that’s not why your former friends stopped including you; something about you threatens them. You might be slightly prettier or slightly smarter or slightly richer – it could be anything.
      This has been going on forever – it happened in my day and it happened in my mother’s day – 65 years ago – and I’m sure it was happening 6500 years ago too.
      Know that YOU are fine. There is nothing wrong with you. I don’t suggest going back to the girls you used to call friends – because they’re really not worth your time if they are going to play these games (and they’ll play this game with each other too – lots of hurt feelings will come yet) – but I do suggest you think about what you like to do (sports? crafts? rocketry? It doesn’t matter what it is…) and find other girls – and boys! – who also like to do it. If you love sports but are uncoordinated, invite some kids to watch a hockey or baseball game on television. Tell your parents how important this is to you and ask for their support – pizza, popcorn and a little privacy from the parental units will let you be yourselves. If you’re into something you think is geeky, talk to a teacher about starting a club around it – and maybe you’ll find that there are other kids at your school who are interested but are also too embarrassed to say so – or do anything about it.
      This time in your life will pass. If I could do it all again, I’d thumb my nose at the whole lot of them and proudly do my own thing. I lost a lot of time trying to be what others wanted me to be. I was a very popular little girl who was made into a pariah for being a little bit pretty and really smart. I ended up doing my own thing – but alone. PLEASE try to find others who like the things you do – and know that any adult worth his or her salt will help you to move things along (without appearing to do so).
      When other kids see how happy you are doing the “crazy” stuff – and how much fun it appears to be – they’ll join you – though it may take another 5 years (which will fly by). Don’t live to please others. Find what makes you happy and do it!
      Only best wishes,
      Danielle

    • Confused & alone says:

      Middle school is so rough! I remember my years there, I hung out with a cpl of trouble makers. By highschool I figured out I didn’t really fit into any one group at school. The thing is some people are able to get along with many crowds and fit in with many people. The goal for you should be find the group ( not the clique) who uplift you and give you what you want from a friendship. On the flip side, make sure you are giving it all back and being the best friend you can be. My BFF from middle school spread rumors about me after our split. I knew so many thing about her, I could have crushed her but, I didn’t say a word. I held my head high & kept being the friend I wanted to have, to her. She ran into me as an adult a few years ago. She apologized and said she had never forgot how I never said an ill word against her all that time. She said she realized what a great friend I was too late. It matters how you treat people. Be upfront & let people know you are looking for long term friends so the ones who are shallow will be less likely to lead you on. The fact is middle school friendships rarely last a life time but, some do. Only because, those people want the same things from the friendship & make sure to provide that to their friends & receive it back from them. I wish you the best my dear. Remember, your school years are only a short time in your life but, the person you become there will be the person you live the rest of your life with. Be you & love who you are!!!

    • Confused & alone says:

      I replied but, it posted bellow Daniel’s comment fir some reason.

      • Elisabeth says:

        Hey i am really happy to be here , if any of u guys need friendship help im an expert, not to brag
        Best regards!

  30. Be Nice says:

    Did you ever wonder whether rating our acceptability by comparing ourselves to others might be part of the problem?

    I have to laugh when I see people on facebook with 1000’s of “friends?” can you truly have 1000’s of “friends?”

    One thing I am definitely grateful for is to know I am not the only one who suffers with this.

    It has taken a lifetime to gain some good “self-esteem” and not buy into everyone’s perspective of how I “should” be.

    There is a lot of pain to change from being a extroverted people pleaser to gaining insight and shifting to being a more wise “self-actualized” human being.

    Life is full of pain (and joy) and some people have external wounds and some of us carry internal wounds. I wouldn’t be at the place I am now if it weren’t for all the choices I have made. “You never know what you’re going to get…

    • Beth says:

      I agree with this, i think we try to please others too much sometimes

    • C.j says:

      You will find you won’t get happiness in life from trying to make other people happy. I know some people who are chronic people pleasers and they are always miserable. The only happiness you get in life is from making yourself happy, and not letting other people control what you do, think, see or feel.

      • Jen says:

        True no 2 people are exactly alike. That’s why you always have to be you. Sometimes being introverts like us can actually be a good thing. :)

        • C.j says:

          I hate how people are so close-minded these days, fake, and always follow and do what other people do or think. Like a flock of sheep. Especially with social media like Facebook and Twitter. You’re right, I’d rather be an introvert than extrovert any day. But I think that life as a confident, outgoing extrovert would be a lot easier even though it would have its ups and downs.

          • Nyli says:

            I am an extrovert. I am always up for fun. I am generous and let people talk about themselves.
            I moved to a new state 20 years ago and have no friends. The only people attracted to me are those who are very needy and I am a sure bet.
            I am lonely and wonder what is wrong with me.

          • Tarek f says:

            I did not know I only thought that basically everyone is fake. And it seems like cause you know this, people don’t want to be around you cause they avoid the truth. People can change and be better and caring like what I try my best to be. I used to be the nicest kid ever but you learn growing up through school and other situations that you have to hide your emotions and toughen up.
            Luckily I do have good friends cause im not socially awkward or anything. Rather have 1 good friend than a 1000 fake ones. But at the same time it makes me mad how people think they’re big shot having tons of fb friends, insta followers and getting a bunch of likes for their bs. It feels the do it to show off, not being genuine.
            Aw man I think we just over think this all and just drive ourselves crazy.
            Sometimes writing your feelings out makes you feel better though…

            • C.j says:

              Couldnt agree more, Tarek. Yeah I reckon 1 good friend is better than 1000 facebook ones too. I can relate Haha! In the end like Facebook is just something we use to keep in touch with people. And if people have like 1000 friends on there they probably dont know all of them.

  31. Varun Heera says:

    As it was a lot if fun and it us a lot of fun and it has to be a lot of with it

  32. Beth says:

    Hi :)

    I’m Beth I’m 19 (20 in 2 days). sometimes it just seems like I always try the hardest in friendships. I always seem to have friendships that last a couple of years but then end. I had a best friend through high school but then she turned on me and started threatening me and coming round throwing stuff at our house. I have 4 close friends at the minute but none of them seem like best friends. Its like i’m always the one suggesting to go out.I’m single so I don’t have a boyfriend neither.
    my mum is like my best friend who i love with all my heart, some of my friends seem t think I shouldn’t be as close to her as I am but to be honest shes the one that is always going to be there.
    People say that friends can be the best family but in my situation family can be the best friends!

    • Alex says:

      Hi i know how you feel. The same thing happens to me. I am 18 (19 in a months time) and have no friends. the girl i’m frinds with at the moment, is ok, but doesn’t seem like she really wants to be my friend and is only being my friends with me, just to have someone to hang around with. Plus, she is going off to another university, so i doubt she’ll keep in touch. She never seems to make the effort in some conversations. I will be starting a HND course soon, and all the people in my class, aren’t really people to i ‘click’ with, so i’m going to be really lonely. I am too close to my mum, but in the future, would like a small group of friends, to go travelling with and such!

      • Beth says:

        Thats what i Mean people seem to just use me when they have nobody else. Yeah it is nice to get attention and feel wanted off people other than family sometimes. I’m from england and would love to visit the USA and i dont have a problem with going with my mum but it would be nice to have friends to go with aswell.
        I will be starting my new job on june the 1st and i’m a bit worried about fitting in but hopefully the people will be nice and friendly. I hope you make new friends or find somebody you click with on your new course Alex!

        • Alex says:

          Thanks, same, I would too love to travel, i don’t mind travelling with my mum, but would love to travel with a few friends.I am also too starting my new job this week. Good luck with yours!

      • Cynthia says:

        Have lots of female friends of all ages gradually you’ll find you have a core group who you see regularily and fulfill different roles in your life, The young teen who you get to mentor, the peer you go to movies with, the young married mom who needs a life line to the outside world and an occasional babysitter, the girl two years old who’s new to town or you ask for advice on classes or study routines/or groups, or knows who to avoid and who to can mentor you. The middle aged lady at the library who reminds you of your mom cause she always reminds you never to walk home alone in the dark or has great advice about guys in other years. Its all about building your support group and become part of other peoples support groups. If you have a religious affiliation, make sure to connect with your local affiliate they are almost always a source of support and if your not happy where you were maybe its time to look into other kinds.

    • C.j says:

      You’re right, Beth. Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes family is the best company.

    • Emily says:

      Hi Beth!

      I feel like I’m in the same shoes as you right now. I’m 22 and currently studying for a Postgraduate qualification in Archaeology. I’ve had close friends over the years but I’ve either been dumped (usually in favor of boyfriends) or friends have moved away and started other lives and we just drifted apart. I have a few close friends but no boyfriend at the moment. Like you I also spend the majority of my time with my family. If you ever need to talk (I know sometimes its just nice to have someone to chat to about anything) feel free, totally hoping I don’t sound creep right now..

      • Beth says:

        Wow archaeology, sounds interesting? …yeah i have a few close friends but they have boyfriends so they tend to be with them alot. Not having aboyfriend isnt a big thing but sometimes its just nice to feel wanted or have someone there, plus everyone seems to be in relationships lately!
        Hahah you don’t sound like a creep. It is nice to have someone to talk to so same goes :)

  33. Northern_Guy says:

    I have few friends (I am male, 44) because:

    – I have OCD/OCPD and I need to have a lot of control over things in my life. I think to have lots of friends, you need to be more flexible and agreeable and not have too many hang-ups.

    – I tend not to get close with people. The few friends I have are kept somewhat distant – we don’t really confide in each other much or see each other often.

    – I get panic attacks and I am agoraphobic. I don’t travel or go on amusement park rides or drink or smoke or use drugs and I don’t like crowds or extremely noisy places. I don’t even like smaller parties that much where lots of mingling is required. This is quite limiting and most people think I am too “homebody/boring” (and I guess I am).

    – Strangely, I think having male friends is a liability when trying to meet women for romantic reasons. I like to operate alone, and seem to do better that way. I tend to only have “pals” when I am single. Lately, I don’t see my pals hardly at all.

    – I don’t like “keeping up with the Joneses” or following fashion or other trends so this puts off people who are into that stuff. We just don’t mesh and never will.

    – I speak my mind and don’t tolerate BS which is great, but sometimes people like to get a pat on the head or people to agree with them, or sometimes just hang out with someone who doesn’t have an opinion on everything! I am trying to be less opinionated.

    – I am (surprisingly) quite good socially, and have no trouble with conversation or meeting people (although I tend to avoid most social interaction). I seem to be quick to forget names and I rarely follow up on meeting again once I meet someone once. I have no desire to *make* new friends, and even if I go through the motions and try, they don’t tend to stick.

    In the end, I’m really not such a great person (I have quite a few defects of character) and I have way too many problems! lol. That’s why I don’t have very many friends!

    But I still try and care about people and do nice things for people, or my community, when I can. I’m not an evil or mean person, I’m just neurotic and weird! :)

    • Peter says:

      “I’m just neurotic and weird!”

      I had to laugh at that because that’s my conclusion about myself.
      In fact, I felt that I had wrote that whole piece.
      One thing that has helped me all my life is laughter. I love to joke around and will grasp at opportunities and wring the hell out of them for every drop of levity that I can.

      • dennis says:

        One I belive is that who ever likes you will always do and having friends who dnt give a f..k about how you feel is like thread on a road to no where with bags hanged on. I believe with time things will widen out, if your money is your best friend that is because she is always here for you band that is what friends do for each other and belive me that what ever it is. There is someone out there who will take a bullet from you.. I want everybody to be happy and that is the reason why I am alive… for my mum, most priority for my dad and family for you all if you wishes to be my friend.

    • C.j says:

      I think I have agoraphobia too.. I really effing hate it!! I am terrible scared about traveling. It’s like a constant fear. I wish there was drugs I could take because I cant deal with this anymore.

      • Jen says:

        Hey CJ, sorry to say I think we have this in common too. I’m sorry. I know how limiting it makes life. I think if we had a travel companion it might be easier. I hope we can both eventually conquer this anxiety, even if we have to be medicated to do it.

        • C.j says:

          You too, Jen? Yeah it does suck. I’ve been getting chest pains, panic attacks and I’m sick of it. I always try to hide it from other people. Yeah I can travel with family or someone I know, but not on my own. I’ve tried therapy, and benzos and alcohol. But you never get rid of anxiety.

          • Jen says:

            Yeah it’s like this fear of being engulfed by nothingness. It’s defined as a fear of open spaces. I feel it more if I’m in unfamiliar territory. It’s like a fear of getting lost or losing control. I start sweating and panicking. Having a GPS doesn’t even always help because sometimes they’re wrong. The drugs like benzos just make me sleepy but still anxious. A lot of it has to do with our thoughts. I know how limiting it can be. I understand your online relationship too. Don’t let other people judge you because they don’t get it. Lots of people meet online. I think you sound like a great guy though. Even I was interested in an online relationship with you! Now I know you’re taken. I’ll settle for an online friend though.

            • C.j says:

              Yeah you’re so right about that. I think I get that sometimes too. Like if I’m somewhere different or whatever I will start to feel lost and alone, or like something bad will happen. Yeah Benzos did the same for me, made me tired and didnt really help much. Changing thoughts and breathing are supposed to help with anxiety or so I’ve heard. Thank you, Jen. I’m glad someone does. My family are negative as well, but they did say she’s really pretty and looks like a nice girl. I was going to say yes to you, Jen. But then this happened. But yeah I really would like that.

              • Terri says:

                Well Jen, it’s for the best since you have a new boyfriend anyway, right? And I assume this relationship is “in person” instead of online? I hope so for your sake. BTW….we are not trying to criticize C.J. for having an on-line relationship. But I mean, really….you two met on this blog and it sounds like you were both ready at one time to start something with each other. I just don’t see how two people that meet on a blog like this one (which just FYI, is not supposed to be a dating site) can both be somewhat dysfunctional socially and think it’s ok and normal to meet and start a relationship online. It is ok, but it’s definitely not healthy. I”m sorry, but that’s just the way I see it. And I don’t think I’m the only one. People like you that encourage people NOT to try to develop relationships that can lead possibly to a future, are not doing them any favors. JMHO.

                • C.j says:

                  I meant as friends. I wouldn’t go through an online relationship again, it’s emotionally exhausting and can be pretty heartbreaking if it doesn’t work out. Not only do I have depression when it feels helpless, anxiety when I’m not sure about things, heartache because I have feelings for her. But I also get embarrassment and depression when trying to explain this abnormal situation to people, and hoping they wont react with anger, sarcasm, ridicule and negativity. It hurts because I love her and you dont choose who you fall in love with. And I think Jen was trying to make me feel better and cheer me up a bit. And she did. Thanks for saying I sound like a great guy too, Jen. You sound like a great person as well.

                • C.j says:

                  A few years ago, I dated an Asian girl at work. It was my first love. And it lasted about 6 months. When suddenly her Visa expired and she had to go back home. And she promised that she would keep in touch with me. I dropped her off at the airport. She asked me online if I would visit Taiwan and said she would treat me like family, and I didn’t go because my parents were having a whinge (I was 25 years old) and my mum didn’t like her because she was Asian. I said I couldn’t but really wanted to, and she cut off contact with me by ignoring me, and I never heard from her again. I was hurting for ages, didnt want to get out of bed or go to work because it reminded me of her. I had no one to talk to about how I felt. And all the support I got from my own family was “cheer up” or “find someone else”. At least the people where I worked were understanding and allowed me some time off. They asked me if I was alright, and said I looked like I hadnt shaved or showered. I tried to fill my life with other things, video games, alcohol or doing hobbies but it felt like there was no meaning. I bought her a gold chain before she left but she didnt take it, it was sitting around the house for ages. After a while, I gave it to my mum for mother’s day present. Maybe this has something to do with what I’m going through now.

    • savannah says:

      I think you might be an INFP (myers briggs) and they are the fewest on the planet and have the hardest time with life in general..can I just say you might try a different focus, instead of listing your deficiencies (real or imagined) look at them as equations to solve, and find the solution to the equation. It might give a bit more control and self esteem. This is YOUR journey, find a way to embrace that, and who cares what others think….

  34. EDs ruled my life says:

    I’ve had a difficult time making friends because of my eating disorders. It’s something that you cannot hide from people and at the time I did not want to stop the EDs but I also wanted to make friends. EDs make you very emotionally and you’re so up and down and people get very uncomfortable. So I decided to keep my EDs, block other people out, and now years later I am recovered from the EDs, 40 years old and friendless because I don’t know how to make friends.

    • Jane says:

      Someone taught me 2 things a long time ago: 1) In order to have a friend you have to be a friend. And, 2) not everyone you meet is going to be your friend. You have to keep trying and trying and trying until you meet the one person that you have things in common with. And yes, most people don’t give back and only think about themselves so if you find someone like that, move on and look for a new friend.

      The best way to find a real friend is to find something you love and then join a club or group (not an internet club or group but a physical real world one) filled with people who also like that same thing. It’s without a doubt the best way to find people who have your same interests and values. And then you need to take the step of finding someone and asking them to do something – like get coffee or have lunch to talk about the common interest. It’s awkward but you need to do it. You can’t wait for someone to ask you (although they might!).

      And, if you are always the one instigating the contact, or if the conversation doesn’t go anywhere the person is not a good fit. Move on and spend your energy on finding someone else to hang out with. The key is to rid yourself of people who are too much work and move on until you find a good fit with your personality. It’s hard work but when you find the person who has the same humor and values as you do, it’s worth it!

      • Terri says:

        Jane best post I’ve seen on here. Every single thing you have written I agree with. Bravo

      • C.j says:

        You don’t even have to join a club or group. You could just get a new job somewhere or volunteer or whatever.

      • savannah says:

        Life is defined by YOUR OWN choices, after all it is no one else’s journey so why give heed to their take on YOUR journey. Fill it with things that make you grow, inspire your creativity, and when you learn something new-share that with others. If you aren’t choosing it, then stop and ask why are you letting others dictate what happens TO you. We all arrive on the planet with nothing, exit the same exact way, the time in between is for discovery, so mingle with those that help you grow and expand, if they are not adding to your life in some positive way, WHY are you keeping them around as cargo??? Baggage works two ways, you have carry on, or stored…why pay storage is my point, let them pay their own way and travel elsewhere, ha.

  35. Tom says:

    Honestly wanna hear a sad truth no one will ever admit out loud? people say they care and maybe to some extent they do but not enough to put effort out. i mainly only have facebook friends. i dont have any real live friends that check on me care or even give a crap. im 43 years old i am from Gloucester City New Jersey. i was a target from birth my own father tried to kill me cause he didnt want a child. my life has been a series of horrible disasters like the first one i just mentioned. i suffered a lot in life. i lost my mom and dad. without going in to my big sad story. lets just say its horrifying. one thing i learned threw all i lost. no one cares at all. people claim too but no follow threw. i sit alone every day every nite wondering why i was a target in life. i never had a police record. i was always the good guy but it never matters. but to this day i help people and never once is anything ever given back. in the end people are as horrible as my dad only difference there tool to hurt me wasnt a bottle that i was hit with so hard at birth that if fused two bones in my neck but its the fact peoples tool is ignore. if u ignore it it aint true.

    • Jen says:

      Location may have something to do with it. I live in the same area, and I have the same problem. I know people that have moved outta this area (of course they didn’t go alone, so they already had at least a significant other) and they say the people there are nicer than the ones they used to know. I’m sorry about your painful memories. I have a lot of those too. I try to stay in the present moment and meditate so I don’t think about it.

    • Britni says:

      So very true, feel the same way.

    • jessica says:

      I’m sorry that you’ve had a hard life. I recently read a scripture from the Bible that said Jesus was a man of many sorrows and one that people would not want to be acquainted with. Its interesting, His life was just as it was so that He could identify with the poor and the brokenhearted. With people who really suffer. I don’t know if you have any knowledge of the Bible, but if you don’t, I encourage you to look into it. Your life might be changed for the better! Take care. I’m really sorry for what you’ve gone through.

    • Sonia says:

      Tom you seems like good person, and you seem like you’ve been through alot as well. i hope you will find a real, caring and loving ‘someone’ in your life, who may become your best friend in the future, just have a faith in it.

      And if you need someone to talk with, contact me any time.

      God bless you.

  36. Jaden says:

    I am 15 years old and I do not have a single friend. It’s actually very depressing to think about so I try not to but, in moments such as this when I am alone its hard not to notice. I’ve never been bullied or particularly hated its almost as if I don’t exist. During my middle school days I had my first close friend I had of course communicated with others but, this was when i was old enough to go out with my friends alone. At this time I lived far away from my close friend over an hour driving even though we attended the same school (a magnet school for children with good grades but’ not in the school district to attend). In my general area there are no “magnet” high schools so I was forced to go to the one in my school district a small down pitiful high school. we eventually grew apart from lack of communication and her moving on with her life and finding other close friends. It was fine though some people actually remembered me from elementary school but’ it was hard to fit in with people i had not seen in so long. Everyone became the type of person you always say hello to in passing but, very few associated with me on a daily basis and even those never thought to call me or invite me to any events. I eventually got tired of being alone and watching others around me group together and laugh if i tried to join in it seemed like conversation would dwindle rather quickly and everyone would find something else to do. I started an online school this school year (my 10th grade year) and the only people I ever see are my family; I have a wonderful loving family but, I have not talked to someone my own age in 8+ months. I have no idea why no one wanted to talk to me before. My phone number has not even changed and only two people even asked what happened to me and they only checked once. I have tried contacting others: I must admit I don’t do so regularly because I do not want to bother them. I’m normal. I’m not fat. I’m not ugly. I’m not super annoying (this is the first time I have vented all of my feeling about this subject). I don’t do a bunch of weird things. I think I have a pretty good sense of humor. I’m not great but’ I dont suck either. I honestly just do not understand it I guess I simply do not click with other teenagers. I sound so pathetic to myself its kinda hilarious. Writing something like this is so unlike me it just shows how fed up I am with being ignored. Wow I just realized how long this is…. XD

    • Amy F says:

      Hey Jayden. I. So sorry you feel so alone. You might be surprised how many teenagers feel like they are the type people say hello to in passing and that the friendliness ends there. I can only imagine how isolated you must feel doing online school. Are there classmates, teachers or counsellors at your school you can talk to in order to find out how they’ve overcome loneliness? They might have some suggestions for getting our and meeting others or contacts for other online schooling students. If they don’t, maybe you could start your own Facebook group for other homeschool kiddo you can share and meet new friends that way.
      As someone who is homeschooled, are you able to participate in clubs or sports for the public school where you live? That could be another way to meet friends.
      You said that only 2 people reached out to ask what happened. Maybe others felt hurt than you never told them when you were switching schools. Sometimes girls forget that their peers could also have similar insecurities. A great friend once told me “the phone works both ways.” Why not call one of your former classmates and suggest plans for this weekend or next. The worse she can say is no.
      Good luck.

      • Jaden says:

        Thank you! I hope we both find great friends in the future and I’m glad I am not the only one who sucks at being social.

    • Sophe says:

      Hey Jayden! Im sorry you feel that way, but youre not the only one. I feel exactly like you do. I mean, im kind of introverted and dont talk too much, so its difficult for me to connect with people. I know i dont know you, but by how you write and the way you express yourself i can know youre a great, fun to be with person! I think what our problem is, is that we don’t have enough confidence in ourselves, you know? Maybe we should just need to be more confident about ourselves, try and talk to people, beat the fear of doing or saying something ‘foolish’. I know you feel lonely and all, but youre not. You made me notice that. There are lots of people who feel the same way as us. Lets find them out. Have a nice day! Im 18 btw:)

    • Sarah says:

      I can completely sympathize with you, I only have one very close friend who I have know since 8th grade (two years), I pushed my other friend, let’s just call her R, because of my severe depression back in my freshman year. Things are getting better however, I am trying to communicate with her again and I am taking medicine now. My advice to you is to not be so hard on yourself, a lot of how you think you may be or seem to others is probably just in your head, I assure you that everyone(especially at our age) is so worried about how they look to others that they don’t even notice how your belt doesn’t match your socks, or how you forgot to brush your hair (just examples)! Additionally, look up how to build self-confidence and how to start conversations, I have read some really good articles here and there (like wikihow haha). Furthermore, a lot of how others view us is by what we put out (our vibe) which comes from what is going on within us. That person who sits in the back of the classroom with their arms crossed and earbuds in all the time? They may give off the “stay away from me” vibe. Do you see what I mean? So maybe try to think of what persona you give off and whether it’s a negative or positive one (you can also ask your family. Hope I helped a bit, I really enjoy giving advice, best of wishes! :)

  37. Lizzie says:

    I’m a 22 year old female with literally no friends and I’m a social recluse and I live in a small town in a rural area of Ireland with my parents (moved here from England 2 years ago) which in itself is isolating) excluding two people I met on Habbo Hotel in 2007 who I still chat to every now and again in our little private facebook group, but have still never met in person, mainly because one lives in the Philippines and the other, England, and we’re not always ‘close’ enough to make arrangements.

    In my case I used to be a social butterfly as a child, I had lots of friends in primary school and in my neighbourhood, including a very close best friend at 10/11 who I used to always be with, and it’s a friendship I still sometimes mourn losing to this day, 11 years later, it was a lad who fell out with me for no reason one day and became a pr!ck, he was in my class/tutor group throughout 5 years of secondary school. I had no real friends in secondary school and got bullied quite badly, and drifted from the few friends I did have, therefore I became totally alone from age 14 onwards. I never made those key/usual friendship/emotional developments as a teen and young adult, like hanging out with friends to go down town, to the cinema, and experimenting with alcohol/weed, clubbing, going abroad on holiday etc and I never had a real-life boyfriend or any romantic, and still haven’t to this day (I’m a virgin and never been kissed lol). The closest thing I had to ‘friends’ in school and college were acquaintances I sometimes spoke to during the day and the odd text or MSN/Skype chat, and that’s as far as it went.

    I had to substitute my lack of friends and social life by joining online games and forums and speaking to people over the internet, but I know it’s just not the same. I’ve gone through stages of depression, being suicidal, self-harm and I’ve developed social anxiety, and I’ve become so used to my own company and just that of my family and the odd acquintance, that I really don’t know if I can handle friendships or relationships as much as I’d love to have a boyfriend with similar interests who loves me and talks to me a lot, and vice versa, I’m sure I’d be perfectly content with just that…

    • Darlene says:

      Hi Lizzie,

      I am so sorry you feel so alone. I’ve read quite a few posts from people who got derailed by certain events, like bullying. You are definitely not alone. :)

      You also sound really bright and insightful, that is a huge advantage. I have to say, based on some of the things you’ve been through, that you may want to consider seeing a therapist. That may be a really helpful way to jump start this process.

      A lot of people have benefitted from taking up hobbies, where it is likely to meet people you have things in common. You can pick things that are a bit more low key, so as not to overwhelm you all at once. You could also check out meetup and sites like that. Best of luck to you!

    • Jen says:

      Hey Lizzy, maybe you’re right. I just lost the one friend I had. You think you know someone, and then all of a sudden they turn on you! It’s okay though since I’m dating someone now. It kind of replaces my loss with someone even better.

    • Jen says:

      Hey Lizzie, maybe you’re right. I just lost the one friend I had. You think you know someone, and then all of a sudden they turn on you! It’s okay though since I’m dating someone now. It kind of replaces my loss with someone even better.

    • Steve says:

      Hi Lizzie.

      I’m 22, Male and from London.

      What you said has reminded me of my past and made me re-analyses my whole life up to now. We have a lot in common, but a lot that separates us like our current desires. I currently desire someone to love and share my life with and a revamp on my end goal, which is how I hope to live out my life once I complete a few important goals. I tend to be really direct and live my life the way I want, which a lot of people find weird.

      I won’t tell you a heart wrenching story, since I already spent the past three hours writing up my history to say to you, which I chose not to, since it’s already what you said, only different in a few technicalities and really long. 

      We could communicate if you’d like? I know that I could use someone whose been through what I’ve been through. Maybe we could help each other understand everything?

      [Sorry, Steve, your email address was removed because this blog is focused on discussion of friendship rather than on linking people like dating or other match sites.]

    • C.j says:

      I know how you feel.

      Someday I will find someone that wants me… And then I will start being a happy person, lift them up onto my unicorn’s back, and we’ll ride over the rainbow to our pot o’ gold and live happily ever after! And then I’ll wake up with a hangover and a bird pecking my eyes.

  38. M.Dr says:

    I have no friends, family seems to think I’m uninteresting, and many people look down on me. Even if I meet family that I haven’t seen in years, they seem more interested in their phones than conversation.
    That is the way of it. Some of the only people who I have been able to relate to are homeless people, maybe its because they aren’t in a position to judge.

    But there are other good people too, not necessarily homeless of course that do treat you with respect once in a blue moon.
    When you meet someone who treats you with true respect and is genuine in that respect, it is a great feeling and you wish them the best in life in your heart.
    Unfortunately, a life spent without friends has the effect on your social skills, so you end up blowing most first encounters – even with special people.

    I’ve tried many things to improve my life, and I think always there has been that feeling inside of wanting to be acknowledged and respected with all these ‘self improvement’ endeavours. Whether it would be getting heavily into athletics, trying to make yourself look better, etc. it doesn’t seem to make any difference at all – sometimes (most of the time) I feel like because of my small height for a man, I lack confidence and women think little of me.
    I’ve even left my country of origin a few times, trying to make a better life for myself, but that never worked out and I always came back in worse condition than before.

    Over the past few years I have been fluctuating with a relationship with God, sometimes strong, sometimes not at all. But at the end of the day it always seems like I have only one friend and that’s Him, and I mean that perfectly truthfully, its hard to describe but its a feeling in your heart you heart feels is true. Through very hard emotional suffering and many things which I’ve held silently alone and went through totally alone, I know God has been there with me.
    At the end of the day, that’s all we really have in our poverty.

    That’s my little writing about my experience with friendship, or lack thereof.

    • C.j says:

      Thanks for sharing M.DR. I think you will make friends in time. I have one friend, who i usually see on weekends. And that’s about it. Have known him for a few years. I used to have more but they got girlfriends or new jobs or moved to different places overseas or just fell off the radar. The older you get the harder it is to make friends I think.

    • Chrissy says:

      M.Dr.,There are a couple of things you said that I can relate to. You talked about your social skills are greatly compromised due to long standing friendlessness. That’s definitely something I wrestle with and also have relayed this to the Lord. LOL. At the end of the day. At the beginning of the day. The Lord is my closest and most reliable friend. People have come and they have gone, but the Lord has always been the One who remains faithful. The Lord loves us even when no one else seems to. One scripture the Lord has engraved within my heart is Blessed are the “poor in spirit” for theirs is the kingdom of God. All eyes on Jesus.

  39. Helena says:

    I lived in the big city for 2 years. I worked in a small office with a bunch of people much older than me and made no friends. Now I work in a big office with a lot of fun, younger people who are mostly new in town and my social calendar is super full (I’ve even made a new “best” friend!).

    Making friends is hard because you need:

    1) To meet people who want to make new friends. People who are in comfortable relationships and living in communities where they grow up aren’t usually looking for new friends. This is what makes friendship trickier as you get older

    2) Repeated accidental contact. With dating you make appointments to get to know each other. With friendship, you need to be in an environment where you meet repeatedly eg. church, work, neighbourhood, school.

    3) somebody has to invite somebody somewhere. With adult friendships, there usually needs to be some kind of defined step between being friendly acquaintances and friendship.

    4) people with common interests. Close friends are very hard to find. Regular friends somewhat easier to find.

    • Darlene says:

      Nice summary Helena! Your point about repeated contact is why joining an activity is so valuable, there is opportunity to see some of the same people over and over. I would add that it seems like for every activity a person joins, over time you will make one or two friends that ‘stick’ and a several other friendly acquaintances. I moved to a new town only a few years ago and that seems to be how it worked for me, anyway. It doesn’t take that long to add up to a really nice social circle.

    • Sandy says:

      #1 is spot on!

  40. C.j says:

    Broke up with my online girlfriend of 3 months today. I really feel terrible! The stress and pressure of long distance just makes it so hard. I don’t know if I did the right thing either. We had so much in common. I still love her and doubt I will find anyone like her again. The pain in my chest hasn’t stopped. And I have no one to talk to about how I feel. Feels like I’m dying..

    • Terri says:

      CJ, did you ever meet this girl? Please find a girlfriend where you live that you can actually see, date, get to know. I know it is hard for you to socialize, but until you go out there and put yourself on the line, you won’t get past finding people in the internet and talking via a keyboard. You can only get to know someone to a point online. Ever hear of cat fishing? It’s a big thing right now. How do you even know if the person you think you are in a relationship with the person you believe you are in one with. You said long distance. What do you mean? Have you really met her and can only communicate online because you live far away from each other, or never met at all? Another thing, of course you will find someone else. And you are NOT dying, just sad. Time heals all. Find a girl you can actually have a real relationship with. That might easier said than done, but if you don’t go out and try, it will never happen. You deserve more than a keyboard and computer screen. Have y’all ever even skyped or face timed?

      • C.j says:

        She is the real deal. We’ve shared every detail of our lives, talked on camera etc. I’ve seen photos of her family, friends etc. She knows i am jobless and she has never asked for money. She lives in the philippines, i live in Australia i can even prove it’s not a scam. But im too heartbroken to look at anyone else. I dont want to go through rejection and pain. I can hardly find anyone who is single around here. But i agree i need to get out there more

      • C.j says:

        Will this pain ever go away and can i still be friends with her in future?

        • Terri says:

          Well, the pain will go away. If you’ve talked on camera, and you’ve seen her than good. But why did you have to break up with her if you’re so heartbroken about it? You don’t have to prove anything, except to yourself. There are no single Aussie’s? That’s too bad. I think Australians are my favorite guys, except my b/f of course. LOL. CJ, maybe you should rethink this break up. And if not, you have no choice but to be a big boy, and realize everyone goes through this….everyone and just deal with it, move past it, and start again. It’s really your only choice unless you want to get her back.

          • C.j says:

            Actually thats a lie. We havent talked on camera. We were going to but both were too shy. That was before this happened. I want her back, Terri! I dont know if she would agree. We’ve given it two weeks. The emotional toll that long distance takes on you is massive. I dont know if I can ever go over there either. I cant go on my own. I’ve only traveled like twice in my life. She is so pretty, I’ll never find a girl like that. I feel she is my soul mate because we both have so much in common but I dont know how to make it work. Not really, I’ve tried online dating sites and the only people who talk to me are weirdos. Thanks heaps Terri you are my favourite American too. I think I’ve made a huge mistake. My family keep telling me to forget about her but I cant. I hope she can wait for me or we could meet in the future.

            • Terri says:

              So, question….why would you lie? Were you worried that what I said could be a fact? I worry that if you’ve never seen her, except in pictures, she may not be who you think she is. You need to get confirmation that she’s what you think she is before you get any more invested in this. Watch the american show “Catfish” if you don’t believe me. You can probably you tube it if you don’t get it in Australia. C.J. it’s possible that she’s beautiful and too shy to even skype, but it’s not likely. Take it for what it’s worth, but to me, you should verify she’s who you believe she is before you ever go meet her somewhere far away from home.

              • C.j says:

                She does have Skype. She told me today. I’m really scared and having doubts about everything in my life though. And you know today I signed up to a job recruitment agency, and the guy said he could find me factory work asap if that’s what I want!

                • Terri says:

                  But you didn’t answer my question. You felt the need to mislead at first and when I questioned you on it, you diverted the conversation. To be a friend, you have to learn to be forthright. Having skype isn’t the same as “talking to her on camera”. I still ask, how do you know who you are dealing with if you’ve never seen her. People can be whatever they want on-line.

                  • C.j says:

                    I did answer your question!! I have told you that we shared so much about our lives, and she has literally thousands of photos on facebook and comments from friends and family etc. How would she get those if she was a scammer? We have fought and argued and made up. And she has been upset with me. I dont think a scammer would have this much patience! The only thing that’s missing here is we havent spoken on Skype.

                    • Terri says:

                      I asked you why you felt the need to mislead when you said you talked on camera. You did not answer that. I was just wondering because I think it says something about the level of trust that you have about the whole situation. As far as having photos and comments, etc…..I urge you to watch catfish, the american tv show. You can probably find it on you tube and then tell me it’s not possible for her to be anything other than what she appears. I just was hoping to get you to be a little more cautious before you fall head over heals, but I think it’s too late.

                    • C.j says:

                      Sorry Terri. I lied to you big time. I guess I’m worried that i won’t find anyone at my age. And the unemployment and lack of experience with relationships doesn’t make it any easier either. Been using Tinder but it’s useless.

                    • Terri says:

                      CJ, I just am trying to get you to see that you need to be honest in any relationship. If someone isn’t honest with me, I have zero use for them. I’m very picky about my friends and don’t have time for games. So, first I think you need to always remember to be honest, with yourself (which seems NOT to be a problem) and also, with others. The way I see it is that you are so down on yourself, it’s gonna be hard to climb out of it unless, like Darlene has told you, you take steps (baby steps if necessary) to start trying to open yourself up and take risks. With risks, there is the possibility of failure, but also the possibility of reward. You have to start somewhere and sometime. How old are you exactly, if you feel comfortable telling us? I think you need to get much more positive in order for your life to change. You are very negative now, and negativity breeds negativity and the opposite is true as well.

                    • C.j says:

                      Alright fine, I will try to be completely honest about everything from now on. And maybe I’m lying to myself a lot too because the truth is just painful to handle. I’m dragging this thing out even when I know it’s impossible. You asked how old i am, well i will be 29 soon and that’s why I’m starting to panic and worry constantly. Things haven’t turned out the way I wanted.

                    • Terri says:

                      I don’t know why but I’m not able to reply directly to the comment you just made. Anyway, you are not even 29 yet? The way you talked about your age, I thought you were like in your 40’s or something. C.J., you are still so young. You have time to find the right girl, the right job, the right friends. Lot’s and lot’s of time. Cheer up and lighten up. I don’t think you should be in an on-line, long distance relationship because there is a possibility it will/can go nowhere. You see that I think, but as long as you can say you are in this relationship, you don’t have to go out on a limb and step out of your comfort zone to see what/who is out there that actually would be available for you. That you could actually spend time with, date and get to know on a personal level. If you were my brother/son, I would tell you to end what you know isn’t going to work and go out there and meet people and be positive. You have a lot of time, but time doesn’t stand still and one day you’ll wake up and you’ll be 50 and you don’t want to waste the next 20 years on relationships that go nowhere and a negative attitude that keeps you from enjoying your life. Hope this helps you.

                    • C.j says:

                      Yeah I couldnt reply to your last comment either. I am feeling helpless Terri. You mean it’s not too late to get my life back on track??

                      1. it’s been hard to find the right girl. I’ve hardly met anyone who’s single, most are taken/married. Or if they arent, they have been and dont want to do it again. Also I’m too shy to even talk to women much of the time. I feel like I will say something stupid or they wont like me or think I’m a weirdo. I’ve never been asked out. I’m ashamed of my lack of social life.

                      2. getting a job is hard! I cant compete with 18-21 year olds out of uni or with people who are highly skilled or have more experience than me. Plus I’ve been out of work for a while. And the fear and anxiety and not knowing what to say or what excuse to use just gets to me. I really need to overcome it. My resume is really lacking.

                      3. i have always found it hard to make friends. But I know I could do it if I could get out there and try. I dont know how likeable I am. I feel like maybe they wont like me or they’ll think I’m a weirdo or stupid. Also it’s harder to make friends if you dont have any or much to talk about. When I talk to friends or family by phone or facebook I feel like I’m bothering them. Plus I feel ignored.

        • Darlene says:

          The pain will go away, it will just take some time. I feel for you, I remember the pain of losing someone you love. Just a thought, is there any chance this relationship could work? Maybe some visits to see if you guys are solid in real life?

          • C.j says:

            I am really feeling shattered. I think there is a chance it could work. But I dont know how to make it work. I’ve never traveled much and wouldnt know how (which sucks at my age). I’m really scared. I feel like I need someone to come with me. I think we could be solid in real life. But long distance just takes its toll on you. We’ve given this two weeks. But I dont want to lose her from my life.

            • C.j says:

              Good news! She messaged me tonight and we are talking again!

            • Darlene says:

              Glad to hear it, CJ! I think it would be a huge confidence booster to travel and visit her. But, you should Skype first :) Every little thing you do to help yourself, even if it scares you a bit, makes you grow as a person and does amazing things for your confidence. Go ahead! Skype with her, then, if that goes well, arrange a visit.

              • C.j says:

                I really want to, Darlene. I hate being shy, I really do! I’m really shy and scared to go anywhere. You’re right, I need to do more things that scare me because I need to grow as a person. Today I rang a job agency and that is a first step I guess. I’m afraid this girl wont like me for long or will leave. I posted some good news on Facebook today and no one even read it. Just shows what people think of me.

                • Darlene says:

                  CJ, I know what it feels like to be scared of things…really scared. But how to handle fear ends up being a choice, I found, either face it or it will rule you. You don’t have to face it all at once, you can set smaller goals, then keep building on those. Believe me it works….some situations used to leave me feeling sick and angry with myself and bad about myself. Once I started tackling those fears, they started to go away….and I felt really good about myself.

                  Find a way to work up to skyping with her…give yourself a deadline as to when it will happen, that would be my suggestion. And it is okay to be afraid, that’s just how you feel right now and it’s just fine….but don’t let that fear tell you how to live your life. :)

                  • Darlene says:

                    PS: even if things don’t turn out with your girlfriend, if you tried via Skype, it’s a huge step forward. Give yourself full marks for bravery, okay?

                    Glad to hear about the job…also a step forward! I post lots of things on Facebook no one likes or comments on. Who cares? I post things for my own enjoyment, if others enjoy, too, that’s great, if not…whatever. :)

                    • C.j says:

                      Thanks again, Darlene! You are such a great support here and have helped me so much and I cant be anymore grateful! I will ask this girl to Skype with me when she comes back online.

                      Yeah, well, I dont know if the job agency will get back to me. I sent in my resume and it’s pretty empty to be honest. But my problem is my Facebook is empty with only 7 photos. So if I meet new people and add them on Facebook, they will see I dont have a life and wont even talk to me.

                  • C.j says:

                    Thank you, Darlene. I feel like it already has ruled me. Is there any hope left, Darlene? I don’t have any friends, a job and I’ve never been on a proper date. I’m starting to feel like there’s no hope anymore.

                    And all of that actually worked out for you? How long did it take? And how fearful were you when you started doing it? I was seeing a therapist but she gave up on me. I feel like I have no social skills whatsoever.

                    I don’t know what’s wrong. But this girl seems to be ignoring me tonight. If she doesnt want me anymore, I dont think I will ever find anyone. All of the people I know and cousins are married with kids. No one likes me, Darlene. I have no friends and no one talks to me and that makes me depressed and feel worthless. How do you make friends or have a life when you have no social support to start with and people can see that?

                    • Darlene says:

                      CJ, I would suggest that you start by getting good at something you care about. You mention exercise on this blog, maybe getting a certification through a gym? Get good, really good at something that matters to you. Get outside of your head and focus on things you can become good at.

                      The point of this is to start building your life, building yourself up, from scratch if need be. Do things that help you be a stronger person. Take small chances, build up your courage, create a life resume and things you can talk about. But, do it for you, not just to make friends.

                      In a way, you are standing at a crossroads, with your whole life ahead of you. One choice is to believe in yourself, have faith you can change your life, I hope you chose that road, CJ. I did and while it was hard and bumpy at times, the views just got better and better. :)

                    • Darlene says:

                      As for your question about me, I think I hit bottom, I was so depressed and lonely, I just knew I couldn’t carry on like that anymore. What I figured out for me was that I needed to work on my emotional issues (parental issues) and my social skills. As I progressed over time, good things started to happen and I felt better about myself.

                      Just like bad things build on themselves, so do good things. Once you get the ball rolling, the good things start to build up. You just need to find the right approach for you, is all. I suggested getting good at a skill, because that makes my husband feel great, to get good at something he likes, but you need to find what works for you. However, the way I see it, what is there to lose? :)

      • Anon in LDR says:

        You know, I feel the need to jump in and speak out in defense of LDR’s as someone who is in one and has been in a couple others. I feel like you are giving long distance relationships a bad wrap that they don’t deserve. My previous relationship lasted for 3 years with somewhat frequent visits. My current one is with someone I’ve known for 3 years and we’ve been dating 5 months and have met a few times for 1-2 weeks each time. I understand that Catfishing is a problem, but I think people give it too much credit, especially when it is extremely easily avoided with just a little common sense. I can see how Catfishing would have been more scary back in early 2000’s. But nowadays I don’t think there should be any excuse, if you have internet access you should be able to do webcam sessions and phone calls, you should be able to share plenty of pictures and with a little team effort you should eventually be able to close the distance at some point. To say “find a girl you can have a real relationship with” is extremely close-minded and offensive because it implies that long distance relationships are not “real” relationships. I promise you, the long distance relationships I’ve had have been some of the closest most meaningful relationships I’ve made in my life. They are nothing to be ashamed of.

        • Terri says:

          Well, you are entitled to your opinion and your experiences as am I. I was speaking to C.J. about his situation. He seems quite attached to someone he’s never even seen outside of pictures on a facebook page. I think one needs to be careful in a situation like that. Also, he has no friends. You sound as if you have a normal life and are just in a long distance relationship. You gave no information on your life other than about the LDR, but yet, you are here on this blog. To me, there’s only so far you can go with a LDR unless you close the distance gap. I was in a LDR for 6 months, but eventually I had to move to be with my boyfriend….why….because it wouldn’t have worked unless one of us moved. We were seeing each other every month and that was just too much time, too much money, too much everything. Something had to give if it was to work. We’ve been together 11 years now and everything is great, but had we stayed in the LDR, it might have lasted another 6 months and then it would have been done, because I need to be able to see, go out with and have a normal relationship with my boyfriend, not just interaction over a computer screen or phone. But that’s me and my experience. You have a different one. That’s what makes the world go round.

          • C.j says:

            Wow I gotta say I feel a bit hurt Terri. What you just said about me then and the way you just said it. I might not have friends now, but why did you feel the need to bring that up just then? What did it have to do with anything? And the way you said he/she “has a normal life” I thought was pretty hurtful! I know for a fact that this girl is real right, I’m not going to argue it anymore. I’m tired of being treated like an idiot. But yeah this person does sound like they have it all together. So they probably have a pretty good job, a lot of independence and money to travel quite a bit. As well as people to travel with. Also you never said anything about being in a LDR before.

            • Terri says:

              C.J. All I’ve ever done was tried to give you what I considered good advice. I’m sorry if what I said hurt you but you are always coming on here talking about your life in a way worse way than anything I said. You are so down on yourself all the time and it’s not a normal way to live. I’m sorry if that hurts you. As far as having no friends, that’s what this blog is about. I’ve said I have very few friends by choice. It’s not anything to be ashamed of. And I would never try to hurt you intentionally. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to help you, but if you feel this way, I will stop. As far as never saying anything about being in a long distance relationship….I don’t divulge a whole lot about my own life. It wasn’t pertinent to what we’ve been talking about. First, my relationship is still going on and it was only long distance for 6 months and then I moved to be near him. And second, we met face to face and I knew he was a real person, what he looked like and everything else I needed to know to start a real relationship. That’s hardly what is happening with you. I was concerned about you because after 3 months, you’ve never even skyped. I’m sorry if I upset you. It wasn’t intentional…..but simply in response to that person’s post.

        • John says:

          I’m sorry but you are deluding yourself if you think your computer based relationship is “real” in any sense of the word. And this opinion is neither “close minded” nor “offensive”.

          No one is themselves behind the safety provided by a computer keyboard and monitor. Any way you slice it, at BEST it’s two people relating to each pother with artificial, computer aided personalities.

          And in the end, you never address the personality issues that keep you from having REAL face to face relationships.

          • C.j says:

            Well I disagree, John. I think it is close minded. And I don’t appreciate being called deluded either. I started talking to her one day on Facebook and we’ve ke

            • C.j says:

              Sorry but the reply thing isn’t working here.

              I’m the one who is talking with her and gradually getting to know her better. And we are opening up more to each other. While all you guys know are small details and jumping to the conclusion that I’m being scammed. I’m a bit insulted. Yes, there are scammers on the internet. And yes it’s not always obvious who they are! Has she ever asked me for money or anything? No! Does she have her friends and family on Facebook? Yes! Does she have photos of her friends and family? Yes! Does she have her details, education, suburb, workplace etc on Facebook? Yes! Have I spoken to her? Yes! Does she have photos on Facebook? Hundreds. Has she demanded that i go visit her? No! How does she know I’m not a scammer? Because we trust each other. Has she asked me to jump on a plane to go marry her right now? No!

              So I would appreciate it if you guys backed off with the criticism. I’m not as stupid as you seem to think I am and I’m getting pretty fed up with being treated like some naive lovesick idiot who falls for internet scams. I’ve never once given ANY financial details over the internet!! Never will! Plus she knows i dont own my own house and I’m looking for a job right now. Do do you understand now?

              I’ve seen guys fall for women here and getting scammed. It doesn’t just happen over the internet plus there are actually some decent people out there as well. I don’t trust a lot of people here. Call me deluded all you want for wanting to give this a chance! I’ve had enough of being insulted now, so I’m leaving.

              • Terri says:

                C.J. you can’t keep people from having their own opinions when it comes to on-line/long distance dating. We are not talking specifically about you necessarily, but in general. I agree with him, that these are not complete relationships and they have little chance of going anywhere. I’m sure there are exceptions, but as a rule, I doubt they work out for very long.

              • Darlene says:

                Cj, however this works out with your friend,you have actually stood up for yourself here. Sounds like confidence to me.. :). Whatever happens,I hope you are happy and find someone who cares about you.

                • Terri says:

                  I hope the same for C.J. but when you come on a public forum like this one, you have to expect that people are going to sometimes, render opinions you may not like. That’s what you do when you expose yourself in this way.

              • John says:

                I never said anything about you being scammed.

                Overcoming social anxiety takes hard work, and it’s scary. You have to make a commitment to get help, help yourself, and ultimately confront your fears by taking risks. Untreated social anxiety can get worse, it can lead to depression among other things.

                It’s human nature to avoid all that scary hard work. It’s easy to distract yourself, and there are many ways. Some do it with booze and/or drugs. Some do it with food. Some fall for people who are unobtainable. Some become promiscuous. Some have “safe” internet relationships.

                I realize your feelings for this person over the internet are real. But have you asked yourself why… with all the women around you, at the mall, at the bars, in your neighborhood… in your school, the love of your life is… a very, very safe nowhere near you?

                No one is treating you like a fool. And you’re not “standing up for yourself with confidence.” You have just become defensive. You came to a blog… I dunno… for support? And most aren’t telling you what you want to hear. Were we supposed to?

                Well, here’s hoping you eventually unplug your computer, and work to find someone a little less virtual.

                • C.j says:

                  I know you didn’t, but the others here did. And she has never asked for money ever. She said she doesnt want money, just wants me. Plus I have spoken to her by phone and she has added me on Skype. So I know for a fact she is a real person.

                  Yeah you’re right, and I did get help for it a few years ago. I think I’ve made real progress, but there’s still a lot to go, and I sometimes feel like it’s too late.

                  My feelings are real. And so are hers. And it just sucks seeing couples around me who actually spend time together. What am I supposed to do? We started talking one day, this has happened, it turned into a bond between us, we talk everyday and night, are we supposed to just stop talking, and suddenly forget each other exist? She asked me last night, if I had plans to come and visit her, she’ll even show me around her suburb. But she knows I’m anxious about it and I hope she doesnt give up on me. I have asked myself why, I’ve noticed a lot of women here are really picky. This girl seems to like and appreciate me for who I am and she just makes me feel special, good inside and makes me happy and she says I’m handsome and humble and doesn’t know why I’m still single. Plus do you know how many guys I see hanging out at bars and nightclubs here hoping to meet someone and they never do? Seems like all the women here are married, in long term relationships, or screwing around with someone and dont want to settle down. And yes, I’ve tried online dating, and have had no luck. A lot of singles from other states. Those who are single here are usually way younger than me (18-21), or in their late 30’s and put their career and kids first, and other profiles are just bloody scary! I’m lonely, I’m in my late 20’s now and I just want that special someone and this girl is a kind, down to earth, warm, funny, beautiful person who isn’t stuck up like other girls around here or isn’t a overweight tattooed bogan with 10 kids. I found out we have a lot in common too. I think it would be a real shame to say goodbye.

                  I understand your point, and I agree. There’s not much I can do though. And there’s no reason why it couldn’t work out eventually. Maybe it won’t work out, I cant really say. But neither of us are starting to feel any different about each other. I know that sounds ridiculous but I cant help feeling this way, John. It is emotionally and mentally draining and having people tell me I’m crazy or stupid adds to that pressure. I’ve tried to break it off, we both have, and neither of us want to say goodbye to each other. It’s just hard!

                  Well, come to this city, and try talking to women here and see how much luck you have. I went overseas and across the state on holidays and girls there would actually talk to me, but when I came back here, it’s like I dont exist. Plus there are a lot of tall, tanned and athletic looking guys around who you cant compete with. And I’m tired of waiting around or searching and searching for the right person to come along and it never happens. I’ve already spent the good part of my life alone because no one wanted me. Sorry this was long, but I just had to vent.

                  • Terri says:

                    C.J. I just read your response to John and I understand you care about this girl and no one is saying she wants your money. What money? You’re not exactly Rockefeller. As far as adding you on Skype. Does this mean you two have actually Skyped with each other and you have seen her?? You said she said you were handsome, so I assume she HAS seen you over Skype. That certainly is a step in the right direction, but C.J., the truth is that if neither of you will get on a plane to go see each other, this will NEVER work out, so if you truly care about each other, bite the bullet, get on a plane and go make this work out. As far as anxiety goes, I’ve had it for decades…..it’s tougher for some than others to deal with, but you can’t let fear control you if you want a normal, healthy life and relationship. Anxiety will NOT kill you, literally speaking. Therefore, you have nothing to fear but fear itself, as Roosevelt said and he’s right.

                    • C.j says:

                      Just because I got defensive, doesn’t mean I don’t understand or agree with what you’re saying. I just don’t appreciate the rudeness sometimes.

                • Terri says:

                  John, amazing and perfect response. I wouldn’t have said what you did in such a passive, respectful way I fear. C.J., please do not be defensive and ask yourself if John truly isn’t spot on. I have tried to help you and I’m saying the same things. I think John and I both seem fairly intelligent and articulate and possibly have more experience than you when it comes to relationships, so why won’t you hear us instead of being defensive?

                  • C.j says:

                    I did hear you. I don’t have a right to disagree? Oh wait that must make me unintelligent. I’m sorry Terri. I just wrote all of that for nothing.

                    • Terri says:

                      You know what C.J., I’m finished wasting my time with you. All you have done is insulted me and accused me of being rude when I have spent so much time trying to help you. When have you ever even asked me about my life. LOL. Your ungrateful attitude is sad. And I’m done. Good luck C.J.

                    • C.j says:

                      When did I insult you? If I insulted you, I’m sorry. I swear I won’t say anything else, I really do appreciate that you’ve tried to help me. Yeah you have helped me a lot, and I never really said thank you for any of it. I have asked you asked you about your life, haven’t I? If I haven’t, maybe tell me this, where abouts do you live? Hey come on, I didn’t mean to upset you. I was being ungrateful, I know and you probably do have a lot more experience than me. I’m sorry, Terri.

                    • C.j says:

                      Terri I dont know if you would want to share your business here?

                    • Terri says:

                      I can’t reply to you C.J. for some reason. Thanks for what you said. I really have just tried to help you. I just want you to try to take something from what we are telling you and throw the rest out if you don’t want to hear it. Bottom line is that we are trying to help you. We just don’t, or at least I just don’t see a future in this on-line relationship you are in where you can’t even really meet each other because of your fears. You don’t have to agree or even listen. As far as me, I feel that I have a much different situation than most here. I choose to not have many friends because I find most people don’t know how to be a real friend and I refuse to waste my time with people such as that. That’s why I’m here. But I’m pretty functional for the most part. Don’t let fear control me…..ever. I think I can be of help here if people just stop long enough to entertain the things I’m saying. They don’t have to agree or listen, but it doesn’t hurt to get another perspective. I accept your apology. Let’s just move on. BTW, I’m in the U.S.

          • Jack says:

            John, I just read your post, mate. I agree when you say that these faceless internet relationships are not real but the imagination is a wonderful thing and sometimes one can have a great ol’ time without the fear of body-language getting in the way. Many years ago I used to go to chat sites or ‘leave-a-message’ sites (like this one) where some people got really tight and decided to hook up. Well, upon meeting, all of the illusions (and perhaps DE-lusions) of fairy-tale fun-time were shattered when they came face-to-face and they seldom connected again.. even on the chat site. Have you ever been on a cruise ship and had a romance on the high seas (as it were) and then met up again a month or so later on dry land in your respective lunch hours for coffee? It’s different, man. The ‘holiday’ illusion is gone. Sure, internet relationships are not the real thing but they were fun in an abstract, whoozy, holiday-romance kind of way. Reality can sometimes be rather disappointing. Me for Middle Earth. It was fun having a few hobbits living in my computer. Anyway, ‘diff’rent strokes’ as they say. Cheers, mate.

            • C.j says:

              No, an imaginary relationship is where someone says “I’m in love with Cinderella”, or “I have a girlfriend that no one can see”. Or they have a crush on an anime character. It’s what kids do. Talking through Skype, chat, and over phone isn’t imaginary. Unless you’re Schizophrenic. There are people who met, dated or are married, and got separated for work, military or other reasons, and there are people who met online and it became long distance. You can call their relationships imaginary all you want. But as for LDRs not working out, they can and they do work. It depends on the people involved and the situation. Look up on Youtube. There are quite a few examples on blogs too. Even long distance friendships. It’s easier to stay in touch these days with technology than it was in the past. A lot of relationships end, not just the long distance ones.

            • John says:

              Of course it’s fun to have friends over the internet.

              But you’re missing the point. Firstly a cruise ship romance is FACE to FACE. Secondly a “fun” internet “relationship” isn’t HEALTHY when it is the only relationship you can have, and you have “fallen” head over heels for someone you’re never met and probably will never meet.

              There is no way something like this is a good thing under the circumstances. It’s just another symptom.

              BTW: Did you know back in the days of AOL chat some college students wrote an artificial intelligence program to simulate chat, and people “befriended” it, thinking it was a real person?

              • C.j says:

                “Of course it’s fun to have friends over the internet.”

                Yeah, it is. I have a male friend from India, and a female friend from Malaysia. And I’ve not had feelings for them or them for me.

                “Firstly a cruise ship romance is FACE to FACE. ”

                Until the cruise is over and both go their own ways. And when they keep in touch, it’s over the internet or by phone.

                ” Secondly a “fun” internet “relationship” isn’t HEALTHY when it is the only relationship you can have”

                Who says it is the only relationship you can have? Some people have open relationships. But I have morals and feelings, so I’m willing to stay single until I meet my girlfriend. What is the difference between this, and staying single? Is that not healthy too? I don’t know anyone whose died from staying single or being in a long distance internet relationship.

                “and you have “fallen” head over heels for someone you’re never met and probably will never meet.”

                So? I happen to have gotten to know during these 6 months now. We talk by phone, Skype and chat. And who says we’ll never meet face to face? We’ve discussed it. I can either pay for her trip to come here, or I can travel there to meet her for a week. OR we have bought up places we can meet in between, so it’s easier for us both. Is there a rule or law that says you can’t get to know a person first, develop feelings before meeting them in person? The internet connects people from around the world these days. If you look on Youtube or even Google it’s happened to other people too. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn’t. That’s the risk I take.

                “There is no way something like this is a good thing under the circumstances. It’s just another symptom.”

                A symptom of what? If we’re both fine about it, so far, how is it a psychiatric disorder?

                “BTW: Did you know back in the days of AOL chat some college students wrote an artificial intelligence program to simulate chat, and people “befriended” it, thinking it was a real person?”

                How is talking to an AOL Chat bot (which repeats itself and can’t answer basic questions) the same as talking to a real person over chat, phone and Skype?

    • Colette says:

      CJ…you may feel awful…I note that you wrote your comment on 22nd March – I really hope that today you are feeling a little better? Sometimes things end for a reason; perhaps there is someone else for you to make freinds with and your online g/f was preventing that? We don’t know but fate has a funny way of doing things. You will be ok…it may take a little time but you will be ok…and hey, I am ‘talking’ to you as are lots of others!

      • C.j says:

        Collette, we are talking again. Both of us tried to break it off but it didnt last. She agreed to talk on Skype or phone chat sometime. We just havent organized it yet. We are both a bit nervous. Haha

    • Rosa says:

      Oh! Poor you! :(

  41. CT says:

    Definitely surrounded by xxx and xxx bar none. [EDITED FOR PROFANITY; PLEASE KEEP THIS BOARD CLEAN. THANKS] They do one little thing wrong, simply forgive them, if you do it expect to be isolated one way or another. So sick of the pressure of socializing when we people should just do teamwork on the spot and then go on about their business. There should be no shame in being alone and even wanting to be alone because let’s face it we don’t truly need to be with people that much anyway. There is no need to herd like humans did eons ago.

  42. Anne says:

    Did everyone really have fun? Or are you going by “I had fun so everyone must have had fun too”?
    Are you picky about where to go/what to eat/etc? Do you complain a lot? Or whine a lot? Do you find yourself venting a lot or just being negative when you communicate with friends? Do you plan the entire outing AND THEN invite your friends out? These are just a few reasons why I don’t like hanging out with some people who are not bad people but might be doing something that makes the time spent with them less enjoyable.

    there must be a reason why your friends don’t like hanging out with you. Since this is a pattern, I will ask one them, maybe one of your cousins? That’s really the only way to find out.

  43. Lisa says:

    Jack, you made me smile.

  44. C.j says:

    I feel like I’m pretty isolated. And don’t know how to get out there and overcome my fears of interacting with people.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_isolation

    “Even when socially isolated people do go out into public and attempt social interactions, the social interactions that succeed — if any — are brief and at least somewhat superficial.”

    I swear, this is what my life is like.

    • Darlene says:

      CJ, I think most initial interactions with people are superficial. People don’t tend to open up until they feel comfortable, that’s true for many people. You may find it easier to get a little closer if you are doing something you really enjoy, something that includes other people. Focussing on something, side by side with like minded people allows a low key, more comfortable place to gradually get to know people. Fewer social expectations that way as well. Maybe worth a shot, I’d you haven’t done this already.

      • C.j says:

        But at least those people dont feel like they have nothing to talk about, or feel like they are ignored, like nothing they say matters. I might do what you said, and try that again. But in some places I found that some people have more in common than me and they end up as best friends and I end up feeling pretty left out. I’ve had friends in the past, and they just ditch me for more interesting people. I’ve been going out with my cousin more lately. And was thinking maybe getting a job again would help me get out of the house instead of being depressed at home.

    • Lovey says:

      I understand what you mean C.J. I’ve gone through bouts of social isolation too. Even if we’re feeling like a space aliens some days, I feel it’s crucial to keep getting out there though, just to keep working on our social skills a little bit.
      Have you ever thought of checking out a local Toastmasters meeting? The people who attend are from all walks of life, and are always welcoming and pleasant. There’s no commitment necessary to check out a meeting for the first time. You will be welcomed as a guest, and can sit in and watch how people help each other in improving their communication skills. Even if it’s not something you choose to pursue, you will meet some nice people and learn some good tips. Just an idea :)

      • C.j says:

        Thank you Lovey. Yeah it hurts doesnt it? I feel like I’ve been in it for a while. I really feel stuck and depressed. I feel like no one could ever like me. When I go out with my cousin lately, people will talk to him or smile at him but wont even look at me, even if I make the first move and talk to them. Someone mentioned Toastmasters to me before, I havent heard of it. But I found out that there is one around here actually. But I dont know if I have the courage to go there. Especially on my own. It would be good if I had someone to go with. I think I’d be pretty nervous I would probably say nothing the whole time. LOL

        • Lovey says:

          Hi CJ, just thinking about what you said about being around your cousin and people not paying any attention to you. That has happened to me before too! What did I do wrong??

          I sat there afterwards feeling terrible and ignored, and then it hit me. I really didn’t have anything in common with that person. Seriously, other than talking about the weather, we were as different as you could get. Not everyone is open to conversing with someone whose life is different than theirs. (birds of a feather flock together, right?). That is a limitation they have, and is no reflection of you. When that happens, we always think we did something wrong, rather than thinking the other person may have been a little rude by ignoring us.

          My husband says I have to speak up more … put out my hand and introduce myself instead of waiting to be addressed. It’s tough when you have a tendency to be shy or have been hurt.
          At least at Toastmasters everyone will come up to you and introduce themselves, you’ll have no choice but to introduce yourself back. lol 😉 It’s a skill we need to get better at.

          The front page of Lifehacker.com today was full of articles on overcoming shyness. The fact that a major online publication is focusing on it means we are not alone.

      • C.j says:

        Lovey, this might sound personal. But just wondering what are some ways you might cope whenever you feel isolated?

        • Lovey says:

          Well CJ, when I’m feeling isolated, I don’t want anything to do with anyone, which only makes things worse. I’ve learned one way to snap out of it is to do something really fun that gives me a shift in my “depressed” thinking. I like to watch old movies – only comedies so I laugh my head off. I make something delicious to eat, maybe do a hobby I like, do some exercise … you get the idea. Doing something enjoyable improves my mood, which helps me to think more positively about being around people.

          Someone once said, if you can’t be happy by yourself, you can’t be happy with people. I’m sure as many people would disagree with that statement as would find it true. It would depend on the individual person and their circumstances for sure. In my case it is true.

          I’m sure you will find what works for you, because you are interested in doing so. Half the battle is deciding to try. :)

  45. Jack Sparrow says:

    Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.

    • joe says:

      kudos!i could not agree more!

    • C.j says:

      Heard that before, but it still good advice!

      • what friends may happen... says:

        It’s like a circle of events sometimes. My low self-esteem made me an easy target for a-holes. Once I realized I had low self-esteem and worked on it (with a license therapist) and felt better than I was better able to avoid or deal with a-holes and people who aren’t really interested in being friends. It made me less of a target and better able to be a friend to myself first and now I’m at the point of reaching out to people and letting others in.

  46. Laura says:

    Best not to feed the trolls!

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