• Few or No Friends
Welcome Box
Ask the Friendship Doctor

Why would someone have no friends?

There are a host of reasons why some people have no friends…and it is more common than you might think.

QUESTION

Hi there,

I am so happy to have found your blog! I have a problem that has been ongoing for my entire life, pretty much. I have no friends. Well, let me restate that: I have no friends who keep in touch without me doing all the effort and even then it is spotty! I am 35 years old.

A little history, in case it is applicable to my current problem: in middle school, I had a very close best friend but she dumped me, which was really tough. Then, in high school and into college I had some best friends that I ended up dumping abruptly over the littlest thing, which I have since realized was due to trust issues that I have worked through now. So why can’t I keep friends?

I have a group of three friends whom I have known since I was about 21. They don’t call me or email me really, but if I email and rally everyone for a get together we have fun… but then nothing. And I hear from them that they have gotten together in the meantime. I don’t get it- what is wrong with me?

Around the neighborhood I chat, make meals for the new moms, etc. but then nothing. And the other moms get together without me. I have female cousins who are really great, we have fun when we are together—but they never call or ask me to get together. It always has to be me.

The fact that this is a pattern in all my female friendships troubles me and makes me think that I am doing something wrong, but I don’t know what. I am a caring person and go out of my way to ask people about their lives when I am having conversations. My therapist has said that there is nothing wrong with having to be the one to always initiate a get together, but then I see my others who have a group of close friends who get together and really support each other, and I wonder, why not me?

I am an only child and sometimes just feel very alone. Other times I feel okay with having no friends. But all in all, I wish it were different. Do you have any advice for me?

Signed,
Amanda

ANSWER

Hi Amanda,

Ouch! It sounds like you feel like you’re a pariah. It’s impossible to guess why your friendships don’t “stick” and there’s no uptake by others but the problem seems to be a pattern rather than a one-time occurrence—and something you want to change.

Can you self-identify your specific problem (s)? Here are some of the possibilities why people don’t have close reciprocal relationships with friends. I’m sure other readers will add to the list.

Temperament – Are you shy and uncomfortable around people? This can make people around you feel uncomfortable too.

Insecurity – Do you feel like you can’t measure up to the people you want as friends? Are you able to trust other people? These may be barriers that create distance between you and your friends.

Preference – Are you introverted? When push comes to shove, do you actually prefer being alone rather than spending time with friends? Do you think people know this when they’re around you? Or, are you extraordinarily social—so preoccupied with making lots of acquaintances that you lose out on making close friendships?

Psychological Issues – Do you have a history of difficulty establishing intimate relationships with others? Are you uncomfortable with people knowing the real you?

Lack of Experience – Regardless of age, some people lack the skills needed to make and maintain friendships. Do you think you have what it takes to be a good friend?

Situational Obstacles – Do you live in a geographical area where it is particularly difficult to connect with people? This might include living someplace rural where there are few people or because of a history of frequent moves, being someplace where you feel like an outsider.

Disabilities – Do you have a mental or physical disability? Unfortunately, because of stigma, people shun individuals with mental or physical disabilities. In addition, being homebound can limit the opportunity to make friends.

Personality – Is there something about you that others find grating? Are you too needy? Too pushy? Too talkative? Too controlling? Are you fiercely independent—wanting to call all the shots regarding what, when and where? Sometimes, there is something off-putting about a person’s behavior and the individual lacks awareness of the problem.

Communication Style – Do you respond to your friend’s overtures as well as initiate contact? Are you available on line or by phone, depending on your friend’s preferred mode of communication.

Time Management Problems – Do you have a hard time juggling all the responsibilities and demands placed on you? Do you consider making time for friends selfish or frivolous?

Unrealistic expectations – Have you led your friends to believe that you will always do the organizing? Do you have an unrealistic, romanticized notion of friendship? Do you expect all friendships to be perfect and last forever?

Talking to an objective third party is a good way to gain insight into something you can’t figure out about yourself. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a therapist; it could be your spouse, a sibling, or someone else you trust.

Since you are already in therapy, perhaps this list will provide a useful starting point to explore various possibilities with your therapist. I agree that something is amiss given the scenario you have described and your desire for more reciprocal friendships.

Hope this is helpful.

Warm regards,
Irene


Prior blog posts that touch upon having no friends:

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Category: HAVING NO FRIENDS

Comments (4,196)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. Yasum says:

    Well, I found my way here by typing:”I don’t have friends and I don’t feel bad that way”……See, I totally understand the fact that we as human beings get insecure by the fact that something in the past had occurred, which we didn’t like and it might happen again. I started out as a jolly, lively, outgoing girl who had friends all around the town. Something happens and then you lose the ones who were very close to your hear;they move to different places, they simply cut-off or it ends up in an argument. I have been through dozens of situation with most of my ‘friends’. They come and they go. The worst situation came when I was in middle school. Suddenly, each and every person I knew, zapped away, just like that! I don’t know what kind of turns of events that was, I suddenly lost my coping ability. I surrendered, I just surrendered to that whole situation and I didn’t even try. That’s when I realized that world is a bitter place and life is tough and that we are all alone in our own quest. I will never heal out of that emotional drain that I suffered. It sucked the hell out of me. Now, I don’t like getting too close to anybody, I have an arms-length boundary around me all the time. And having suffered that with friends who were girls, I never really tried my luck with boys and now I think, I never really will. But the best part out of all that is I learnt to stand for myself, I don’t need another person to be there for me, I don’t need to be in a group and I’ve learned not to be. I’ve learnt to tackle situations and with relationships on concern, I think I’ll do and I think I’ll live ok without them cause still now, when I do meet someone and I think that he/she could be my destined bffffffff…they do something to tick me off and I just cut-off on them. So that’s how it goes with me though if I do become friends with somebody, I’m like loyal till death and a promise, I can keep.

  2. Ellie says:

    It’s worth remembering that there are many fair weather and abusive friends. The latter is especially relevant when considering that long periods of time can be spent without friends because nobody is obliged to tolerate abusive people disguised as ‘friends’ e.g. jealous friends who sabotage you (frienemies); exploitative ‘friends’ who never compromise and ditch you the second you cease to be useful to them and ‘sociopathic’ friends who repeatedly place you in danger due to negligence and immaturity, without a single thought for your safety because they don’t consider you a priority. This list of scenarios is clearly not exhaustive but are some valid reasons to maintain clear boundaries and if you set them and they’re crossed repeatedly, it’s time to move on. You don’t need to compromise on those points but the net result can be spending long periods alone, but that does not have to preclude you to loneliness – though even loneliness is not a ‘bad’ thing, just a natural human emotion that is often treated as if it’s shameful, when it is not. It helps us appreciate those people who are not morally bankrupt when they finally become part of our lives and that they are mutually respectful, caring people.

    • marie says:

      Ive had 2 relationships both I wasnt allowed out without them so made nofriends. Now im in a house and my landlord is saying something to put prospectives landlords off cos he gets his rent every month. So called friends, have received a nasty letter think it of socalled friends. Finding it difficult to sleep nights and cant sleep during days. Feel stuck. Cos of letter not been going out. Need advice on how to get out of an area and make a new start. If I stop paying rent to get kicked out will go against me. Nowhere to go. Thinking of going convent/nunnery but not a lot of advice on internet. Just need somewhere to go to feel safe.

    • Yasum says:

      I have had like dozens of frenemies who talked behind my back and others who came right to my face. It’s totally ok as long as they don’t wish you bad or evil and have that sense of friendliness or loyalty thing in them cause most friends tend to be sarcastic of their peers but you should never bind yourself with a person whom you loyally call friend and in the meantime, that ‘friend’ does their best to get you down. I mean, that is exactly where the problem lies and if you realize quickly enough, you should be able to tell that person straight to their face and tell them that “your words and actions hurt me”. I am so glad that you brought that up….

  3. MyHappiness says:

    Unrealistic expectations – that one would be my flaw and I am working on it as of recently.

  4. Sonja says:

    I understand you. Your point is powerful. Perhaps subconsciously my goals in those events of the recent past were self-driven; yet, I must also acknowledge that my conscious is a self-promoting powerhouse of efforts toward acceptance, like me, love me. I did have those expectations of “I help you when you are in need; therefore, you will reciprocate if I’m in need”. The ultimate and poised lesson that I am learning here is essential to The Devine’s request of unconditional reciprocated love between humans. Thank you for directing my thoughts back into order and away from chaos in my relationships, my psyche, and my spiritual journey towards increased awareness and Ascension. I have read some of your other entries on this site. In each entry, I find at least one, or maybe more than one, intelligent, insightful and purpose-driven response to another human being’s need for understanding relational dynamics. Again thank you for your enlightened perspective in my own troubled life with others. I have found an essential understanding of the beginnings of a truly unconditional regard for others.

  5. Ben says:

    Cautionary tale concerning Facebook. A reminder of how human nature works. A person in my baileywick goes around telling everyone how he did multiple tours in Vietnam and is a former Navy Seal. Recently he sent a Facebook friend request to another friend who looked at his birthday. He would have been 18 near the time Vietnam ended. Just a reminder to not “check your brains at the door.” I’m all for maintaining friendships and connections being proud of who you are and sharing about yourself. I also like being honest. An old friend used to say, “If you don’t lie you don’t have to remember what you said” and “the truth is so easy to remember.”

    • Julie says:

      I only spend 5 minutes a day on Facebook these days. I have found that since I have reduced my time spend on there my concentration has come back again. I find that website to be very distracting.

  6. JJ says:

    At the half century mark; 50 and haven’t had any real friends since being in the US Army. Some people at work might call me friend, but just like Rudolph the red nose reindeer never get invited to any of their games. That along with being a single “Christian” man, Christian being put in quote because although I accepted Jesus as my Savior, being on the friendless list and without a gal, really makes me wonder if i am the third bad ground to which the Sower sowed the seed, Luke 8:7; 14.

    • Ben says:

      I can so relate to your post because I got “saved” while in the Navy and hoped to find a church which provided a close relationship with fellow parishioners. One of the inherent problems with religion is it’s propensity for telling people what they “should” believe. Suspending rational thought and experience for the ethereal wonderful. There are some good churches out there but they are far and few between in my humble experience. It’s easy for any church to profess it follows the Bible but in practical means what does that mean?? It means exactly what the leaders of that particular church wants it to mean. Just because the Bible says “God is love” does not mean the human organization that you attend manifests love in a way that makes sense to you. It’s all up to human interpretation. My reason for responding to your post is to encourage you to realize your not going crazy in the frustration that the “church family” you’re a part of is all it professes to be.

      Another idea I want to challenge you about your post is what if that very God you have been studying about has ignited a spark inside of you to bring truth to darkness? That same Holy Spirit which resides inside of you reveals truth to you just like anyone else. So what if the lacking you experience is not you? What if that lacking is just like the lemmings being led by a pied piper to untruth? After years of languishing lonely in congregations and being told the way I should be thinking by pastors who were married and had adulation from not only their own families but everyone in the congregation one might come to the conclusion that “do as I say, not as I do.” Just know your not the only one to ever feel the odd man (or woman) out. The God of my understanding wants me to be healthy and happy and fulfilled!!! 🙂

      • Sunshineandshowers says:

        I completely resonate with the so far ‘unmet’ desire to find a church which provides the opportunity to establish fellowship with other parishioners. I feel as if some of the churches have congregations which are so big, that a new person may ‘get lost’, and become invisible in such a large place. Also I find the smaller churches, with more intimate gatherings also to potentially do all they can to keep you close to your desire to have a relationship with God, but on Christmas day, they know you don’t have family, and are spending it alone, yet don’t reach out to extend an invitation to link in with them at any point over the festive season, which can be so hard for people who don’t have family.
        I wouldn’t say I have many close friends, and the ones I do have, I feel I have held on to for fear of being alone. That said, I am getting much better at setting down clearer boundaries, and calmly but clearly stating what is no longer acceptable. It may be that those people are no longer in my life, yet I feel this is healthier ultimately than accepting behaviour which is rude and insensitive.
        I also find it difficult to let people get too close, and this is a work in progress. I know I have a lot to offer as a friend, but I find it hard to trust, so maintain the façade of independence and being fine as I am.

    • Kerri Lynn says:

      I’m responding to you because I had a dream…Only the verse Mark 4:14. Read it…The sower soweth the word. You are not the bad ground, you sow the seed. We all do. We are the farmers in our lives. And in reading your post, I realized why I have no friends now at 50, the seeds of friendship I offer are to people who have no way of reciprocating friendship (never have never could). And perhaps, just perhaps. That is where your at too. We need to sow our seeds to people who are more apt to be our friends. And I know I’m going to try to plant with people who do art like me, like music, like machines and like animals, birds and dogs. That Sower and seed thing has bothered me for like a month. Now I really get it and I know you needed to hear this too. Happy sowing.

    • Pat says:

      Hi JJ,

      I cannot comment on your romantic status but I understand the friendless in the army situation. My husband has the same situation.. However, it’s probably by choice?? I think that most people around your and my husbands age have families and get very busy doing family stuff. Have you tried hosting some parties/get together soon yourself? I don’t know if you tried the boss program? Or, try going to some single Christian groups in your area.

  7. Joan says:

    I believe that like marriage, not everyone gets hitched, and, so with friendship, not every one has friends. I don’t believe that it’s necessarily a flaw or something wrong with a person that needs to be fixed.

    However, in the absence of friends, to mingle with others, many people join clubs, take classes, or a hobby that they really enjoy and involves focus, which redirects their thoughts. Sometimes just being around people doing what one loves is enough to turn the tide.

    It is also enough to be open to quality friendships with true and honest people similar to one’s self, for instance, like attracts like; an intellectual that read books on social science, politics, literature, etc., might want this type of friend, instead of trying to connect with someone that doesn’t share the same or similar interests.

    That being said, it’s difficult to make friends in the 21st century. Google loneliness for any age group and you’ll see this is becoming more prevalent.

    It’s becoming increasingly difficult to meet human beings that are capable of or even desire the intimacy that an uplifting, true and honest friendship requires.

    • Ben says:

      Sounds like a good research topic to look at the relationship of loneliness to the advent of computers.

    • jessy says:

      I’m 26, and don’t have any friends. I sound like the guy from the fast and the furious, I have family. LOL For some reason I don’t know anyone my age. I feel very lonly. I guess I did not notice it before because I went to school, and was #1 in answering questions in class. I was busy with school work. And I used my time with hobbies, or chatted on yahoo answers and question forums. Yet, I never “hang out” outside of a school setting. I feel like a weirdo because my family makes fun of the fact that I don’t have friends. When I go out, I take my sisters or mom. I go to church. I read the Bible, and God is who I talk to, but I wish I had friends.

      I am a friendly person. I smile and people share stories with me, but no friends. The church I attend is so big, the people I “know” just say hi at the entrance.

  8. Marie says:

    I am almost 40, have no friends and truly believe that the 99% of the people I know (including my husband, children and extended family) just barely tolerate me. In my small middle school and high school, I was viciously bullied by a group of girls for years and am proof that school bullying really can affect the rest of your life. My only “friends” were guys but after high school, I never heard from anyone again. I use quotations because I’m not sure they were really my friends or if I was a novelty as I was a smal, skinnyl girl with huge boobs who smoked, drank, had a tattoo and liked to talk about cars. When I got married, I wasn’t allowed to have male friends anyway as my husband believes that men & women aren’t capable of just being friends. I was a stay at home mom for over a dozen years, and the only times I was able to leave the house were for kids’ school stuff, grocery shopping or a family event as money was tight and I was constantly afraid of running out of gas and worried I would run out on the way to/from the school. (I had to ask for $10 every time I needed gas or for permission to use the bank card for something as simple as stopping for a Coke & a pack of cigarettes.) I thought for awhile that I might have found some mom friends when my kid’s were on a dance team, but then heard them talking about me behind my back and laughing at me. Now, I am working for the first time since I had kids, but it is a low paying retail job as I supposedly “had no marketable skills anymore as I stayed home too many years with the kids”. (Yes, I was told that by an interviewer who tore up my resume in front of me). Now, when I get home from work, I end up sitting alone in a corner of the basement, reading or watching tv until they all go to bed (the only place I was allowed to put my bookshelves and sewing machine). I have no idea what to do to change my situation or even if I can. I think I will feel alone and unwanted for the rest of my life.

    • Ben says:

      Thank you for your courage and honesty to tell your story. I grew up in a non-controlling type household where my parents were secure in themselves and consequently by living in that environment the less likely I am to want to control anyone. The thing that I had a hard time with was accepting the proposition that I am responsible for my own happiness. That’s a hard pill to swallow if you’re like me and find yourself in a very unhappy situation. There’s a book out that relates relationships to animal training with the proposition that all successful animal trainers use positive reinforcement. Love is really about freeing the other person to be everything they can be. I had a pastor one time tell me that love is wanting the best for the other person. Insecure people do not want the best for someone else because they are filled with their own insecurities. Most people want things to stay just as they are because change is scary. One time a counselor told me that the healthiest person in a family dynamic seeks help. We also train others how to treat us. If we accept bad behavior from others we are giving our rubber stamp to the bad behavior. One time I was threatened and instead of calmly asserting my rights I coward. A counselor told me that he would have calmly asserted his rights and gone about his business. I can now see his point. There are no magic answers to any tragic circumstance. It takes work, awareness and willingness to change. We all play a part in everything that happens to us. I read your story with sadness but I am sure some women on here can identify with your situation. I hope you find the keys for your situation…

    • Luane says:

      I have a similar situation except I do work but from home and for my husband who deposits my check in the joint account. I hide out in the garage where our laundry is. My son and husband think I’m just slow at laundry I guess because no one looks for me. I have two old long distance friends but I don’t communicate much because I know I’m a downer and who needs that? I have no time for actual friendship because my husband dominates my movements and I have to care for my elderly mother as well. I dread coming home and am very anxious around my husband. I never feel good enough or that I’ve done enough. Basically I feel trapped and lonely. No one to talk to or confide in. I’m not sure what people mean by being responsible for your own happiness. I can’t leave without losing my son and I wouldn’t be able to take care of my mom if I left the area. I don’t make much working for my husband and I have no personal savings. I sell things on ebay for Pocket money but I don’t see leaving with my son when I have no one to lean on. I want to just disappear.

      • Ben says:

        Being responsible for one’s own happiness is taking responsibility for our own choices. I spent a long time doing my best but making some lousy choices which led to much unhappiness. A famous quote from Ghandi in India during the time of civil disobedience he said, “No one can abuse you without your permission.” It doesn’t mean that we have to take other people’s bad behavior but if we become a doormat and get bitter then we have only ourselves to blame. Having taken ethics in college there is rarely a “black and white” answer to the tough issues of life. We are all just trying to muddle through this life. After giving of myself in ways that seemed reasonable to me I became miserable because the result did not come back like I had hoped. That’s my story and I am much happier now because I take responsibility for my choices.

    • DarleneH says:

      Marie, I am so sorry for your situation. I think the first step is to decide if you want things to change. Do you? If you do, there are ways to do it, but you need to start with wanting it and believing you deserve it. You aren’t old, your life isn’t over, there is lots you can do.

      Can you find a way to get out of the house? A sewing group? Volunteer? Some other activity you would enjoy? Therapy can really help, it would be a miracle if your self esteem hasn’t taken a beating… If not therapy, self help books, maybe? How about a makeover of clothes, hairstyle? I don’t usually suggest such things, but doing that can really give a person a boost.

      Work can be a place to try out your social skills, you’ve been so isolated. It isn’t necessarily a place to make good friends, but I learned a lot by practicing my social skills out at work.

      There is lots you can do, I hope you find your way. 🙂

    • Robert says:

      Marie have ave you ever been diagnosed with Social Anxiety. Like you I was bullied in school. It’s one of the things that can cause SA. I have it and it can be hard to make friends but possible. Try an organization called Recovery International.org. It will teach you how to think different be more secure and confident.

      • C.j.M says:

        I can confirm that through my own experience as well. Did you find the bullying led to your social anxiety, or was it the other way around? I’ve always been curious about other people’s experiences regarding this. Being bullied in high school, and having friends turn on me at different points in my life, that has given me Social Anxiety as well as nightmares and some PTSD symptoms into my 30’s.

  9. Kate says:

    I can totally relate to this issue. I am in my 30s and have no friends now that I think I have lost my best friend due to a major blow-up. I don’t think we can recover from it.

    I am an introvert and kind of a hermit, anyway, so that helps. I don’t really care to seek out people for friendship. Sometimes it’s just easier to be a friend to myself, since no one else is interested.

    • Ben says:

      Obviously I have no friends because I have time to read all these comments and reflect on them… LOL I love reading posts from people being honest. I honestly miss some friends that are not friends anymore. I experience loneliness really strong sometimes. I imagine what it would be like to be in a steady long term romantic relationship although apparently I suck at it. Too bad i don’t download Sargent Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band song from I-tunes. Gaining strength slowly because at least I can look into people’s eyes and feel more comfortable in my own skin. “S’cuse me while I kiss the sky…..” Feelings of loneliness suck!!!

      • Matt says:

        Ben,
        I’m in the same boat in many ways. 40 years old, single and childless. My job is my whole world. Lately been focusing on developing some (non-existent) friendships with other men. I wasn’t an athlete and where I grew up sports was pretty much all there was to bond guys with other guys. So I just never had any buddies. I spent my time alone, with family or my pet animals. But mostly alone.

        Maybe someone will start a Facebook group from this page for the men here interested in making guy friendships. Lots of us out here with no friends of either gender, but the no guy buddies thing leaves a hole in your soul if you’re a male. I wonder all the time what is wrong with me.

        • Irene says:

          What a great idea, Matt!

          Just started a Facebook page for you and other men who would like to join..

          https://www.facebook.com/groups/1255614527799890/

          I hope you’ll give it a try~

          • Ben says:

            Nice of you to do Irene. Thanks for all your efforts. I got off facebook a while ago and do not intend to get back on for reasons explained in other posts.

            • Irene says:

              I know you are not alone but it’s an option for those who choose.

              Best, Irene

              • Sonja says:

                I’m also friendless finding that when my tree was fruitful, I was very popular. Cut…. You can, if you want, read my story below. Awareness, Discernment, Acceptance from others is all we want. That is part of unconditional love, Acceptance! It sounds that all of us here have tried to befriend countless groups of people in our loving, compassionate ways. As I see it, We must Begin to Discern between the decptive, malicious empty vessels we meet constantly versus persons like ourselves who desire true unconditional love giving and receiving! We must write a checklist of what to note as red flags regarding the deceivers versus the loving, compassionate persons like us, seems that we are the minority’s. My story.. Blah, blah…📚⚖📝🆔🔺🔺🔺
                Being the person I am, I gave generously, helped friends when in need in the ways they needed. I was one of the strong, successful members in the large circle, possibly the strongest, so high expectations they had of me, I suppose. However, something vicious happened of my own free will, and my prosperity turned into broke, survival it is to time to start over. Here is how my heart was broken. Not one friend said yes when I asked for help. Not only was I denied help for the needs of an electric bill and no electricity, I was ostracized completely as if a leper. This from years of hosting well-fed pool and hot tub parties, giving my home to several friends at different times for extended times, giving them my time, my nonjudgmental, unconditional support, being kind, having empathy. One who called me her sister lived with me for 11/2 years for pennies while not working and living in my resort style home. Yet I worked……You get the picture.

                • Ben says:

                  I am very saddened by your story because I can relate. I chose to use my experience like yours to focus on truly not reaching out to others and concentrate on being true to who I am and as painful as it has been over the past 13 months it has yielded some good results. I always considered myself a giving person and still think that way now, but the truth is I had some expectations that life would pay me back in some way which didn’t work out that way. Those expectations are like little legal contracts in my mind that never had the desired outcome. Today I still try and be a giving person in a different way. Giving without the expectation receiving anything in return not even a thank you is a psychological skill like any other skill. It takes practice and application. Are there still disappointments and unfulfilled expectations? Heck ya!!! They don’t have the emotional dragging down power they used to. When all is said and done my happiness is my business. I covet peace and serenity today like no other time in my life. When something makes me upset I either have to change me or have to accept that I am incapable of changing that thing… 🙂

                  • JACOB says:

                    Why don’t we all just move into a house together. if we all commit to one, our Master. He promised to send the Holy Spirit. Very first covenant is ‘work.’

                    If we work together, in love with our Master, we’ll get what we need and become friends. You don’t begrudge a friend if something great comes their way. we’ll see them again and the door is always open!

                    [LAST NAME REMOVED – PLEASE DO NOT USE LAST NAMES or OTHER IDENTIFYING INFORMATION ON THIS WEBSITE. THANKS.]

                    • Ben says:

                      What’s interesting about your comment is just now on early morning TV there was an evangelist talking about the “spiritual battle.” It clicked for me that’s why I like 12 step recovery so much is because it’s all about the spiritual nature of the human condition. No dogma. Ephesians 6:12 talks about this whole enchilada is about the spiritual nature. Emotions can help indicate the condition of one’s spirit. If someone is depressed their spirit reveals it. If someone is happy their spirit reveals that. For years I tried to adopt things taught to me while sitting in pews listening intently to every sermon and reading the words in the Bible but the two things never had the effect that I was looking for. A bunch of people who gather together for a sole purpose who admit we all have faults and learn spiritual principles and put those into practice without dogma have done it for me. No longer hopeless and helpless. It’s all because a stock speculator who could not stop drinking and a proctologist who listened to him in 1935 got the ball rolling. It would be nice to have a facility like Jacob eludes to. A place where people could learn the keys to self-empowerment and changing hopelessness to hope fulfillment. A friend from the halls jokes, “I used to be a hopeless dope addict, now I am a dopeless hope addict.” 🙂

                • Sue says:

                  April 29, 2016 at 3:57 am

                  I can totally relate. When I was married and was quite well off, I had lots of friends, all accepting free car rides, coming to my house for free food and generally using me) when I divorced, suddenly I was cast out and no one returned calls, or came to see if I was ok. Not one. Years of hardship followed in which I realised people were only out for what they could get, or what you could give them. Then I re married and suddenly these people started to re appear, inviting ‘us’ out for dinner etc, only I realised because my husband had connections they could use and was in a good financial situation. My reply to these people cant be printed! Over those lonely years I really lost faith in human nature and saw first hand how insular and selfish people can be (not all) but the ones I had helped over the years suddenly turned their backs. It has changed me.

  10. Sally says:

    I met this guy while walking my dog and we’ve gone out a few times but I have no friends and I’m scared to tell him.

    I also have social anxiety and normally have to force conversations out but because we have our dogs in common I found him very easy to talk to and feel relaxed in his company.

    On our 4th date he asked if he could kiss me so I know he’s interested in me ‘romantically’ but I have to tell him I have no friends! I’m so worried he will be put off.

    He is always talking about his hobbies that he does with friends and he seems to have a healthy social life but I don’t. I have to tell him but how?

    • Ben says:

      I recently dated someone I had seen and breifly talked to over a long period of time. The good part of it for me was I hadn’t dated in a long time and took my time to find out who I am. I try and be myself whatever that is and know that if someone likes me it’s because they see qualities they like, period. This guy must see things he likes. Risk is a part of relationships because nobody knows about someone else till they spend time with that person. There were things I could have never known about that person if I hadn’t spent time with them. I am going to continue to just be myself and let the chips fall where they may. Trying to be someone I am not never works. Honesty with myself and others is always the easier path. I am happy for you and wish you all the best, whatever may come. My relationship did not work out but I am glad I experienced it. It is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all….

    • Amy says:

      Sally, I can really relate to this! I am so worried about getting into a relationship because of embarrassment over not having any friends at my age (I am 24, so it’s definitely something to be embarrassed about). I would love to hear an update if you do tell him regarding how he reacts. I hope he isn’t put off. I personally wouldn’t be, but there’s no knowing how a normal person would react to that when they haven’t had any issues maintaining friendships.

      • Tracey says:

        You should never feel embarrased to be the honest you with your significant other. They need to know the real you in order to fall in love with you. If he doesn’t accept you for being you, then it isn’t meant to be. And heads up, he won’t care if you don’t have friends… Lots of us don’t. He might include you into his social scene, hon! Then, BAM!, you have friends. 😀

        • jessy says:

          I thought this with my husband, I could share his friends? He told me those are his friends. “You have no friends” I feel sad. He was my best friend and know he is not.

    • Pat says:

      Hi Sally,

      My opinion on this is to not tell him you have no friends unless he asks specifically. How would telling him this be beneficial to your relationship in anyway? I’d focus on having a great time with him and maybe when you start to meet some of his friends, you hit it off with one or two of them. Best of luck to your relationship, enjoy it in the moment, don’t worry over it!

  11. Melinda says:

    Wow…so many interesting comments! I can relate to many of the people here.
    I will spare you all of the details of my life but here I am in my 30’s with no friends. Sometimes I admit to feeling very lonely but then I remind myself of how people have hurt me. I’m used to it, so maybe my own company is better than that.

    I’ve tried to reach out and make friends but it is rarely reciprocated. So I’m now at the point where I don’t care anymore. I’ve learned to accept that the situation is what it is.
    Some people are unlucky with friendships/relationships while others make friends easily, even if they aren’t very nice.

    My husband is my only friend, really. But there are times when I wish I had a few close female friends or sisters (I’m an only child) that I could do “girly” things with…talk on the phone, shopping, do hair and makeup, eat lunch, etc.

    I’ve learned to be pretty independent when it comes to needing friends. But I would be lying if I didn’t say that SOMETIMES deep down, I yearn to have at least one female friend who could be my true friend. The desire for that is very real when I look back on my life and the struggles I’ve had.
    My dear mother, as much as I adore her, always put my abusive stepfather and everybody else above me.
    I still want to have “girl time” with her even now that I’m grown.

    I envy women who have genuinely close friendships where they support one another and have fun.
    I think every person (even hermits like me!) needs this in their lives. We need to know that somebody cares about us.

    • Kelly says:

      I understand what you are saying. I envy women who have close friendships too. I sometimes watch Sex and The City reruns and cry because they women are so close. I am 40 I feel at this stage of life most people have friends and aren’t looking for new ones. It is like I’m wearing friend repellent all the time, I’m awkward around people and terrible at small talk so I am at a disadvantage. I have to stop feeling so sorry for myself and appreciate what I do have, but sometimes it is hard. I can only tell my husband so much, I find you can’t confide in men the same way you can in girlfriends. Sometimes we just want to have a gab session or have someone to bitch about life with. Good luck with making friends you sound like a nice person.

      • Doc says:

        I am a man and watched Sex and the City at different stages in my life.

        It’s a very well done show but I can read people very well. They wouldn’t make good friends in real life except for maybe Samantha. Not because of the sexual part btw..but because she is not a user.

        It’s a pleasant fantasy.

        In my earlier naive stage, I had an idealized view of male-female platonic relationships as friends but I can honestly say women don’t make good friends for men. Almost all have failed the test of time and the only ones who lasted either still hope to get something from me other than just friendship.

        I would disagree about not being able to confide in men. The most important thing I’ve learned from my female friends confiding in me is the dark side of women. I had a really naive idealized view that is much more realistic now.

        Have found that most women who don’t/can’t confide in their husband it’s because he was not their ideal choice. Someone they settled for.

        Most men also fail the test of friendship but they are less exploitive because they can’t get away with it.

        Just keep trying. Women don’t experience as much rejection as men so may fold more easily under the pressure of rejection. I have quite a few friends both male and female but the vast majority are fair weather friends and I am skilled at making friends.

        Keep making more all the time because I know how few are capable or interested in having a good friendship.

        It will make you appreciate the very few good ones when you find them.

        • Matt says:

          I’ve had a similar experience pursuing platonic friendships with women. I’m a nice guy who must have “sucker” written on his forehead because I just end up getting used for stuff. I’m also 40 years old, single and childless. My job is my whole world.

          Lately been focusing on developing some (non-existent) friendships with other men. I wasn’t an athlete and where I grew up sports was pretty much all there was to bond guys with other guys. So I just never had any buddies. I spent my time alone, with family or my pet animals. But mostly alone.

          Maybe someone will start a Facebook group from this page for the males interested in making guy friendships. Lots of us out here with no friends of either gender, but the no guy buddies thing leaves a hole in your soul if you’re a male. I wonder all the time what is wrong with me.

  12. salma says:

    hey,
    i moved,i tried making friends,
    but in this school a person i liked has a connection with someone i hate, she has a bad image of me now . help me!!!

    • Ben says:

      A person that does not like you for you is no friend at all. People reveal themselves over time who they truly are. The best thing you can do is just be who you are and be the best version of who you are. Someone who reveals themselves as not a true friend is actually doing you a favor. The only thing worse than having no friends is having a two faced friend, which is no friend at all…

  13. Happychild says:

    Dear Luisa,

    Its nice to meet someone with similar experiences. And ive come to realise that if people dont love/like/care for you as friends as much as you care for them then it may be that they are incapable of such towards you.

    I also realise that it depends if they have it to give or jf they’re just picky or chose not to reciprocate towards you, dont beat yourself up. Theres absolutely nothing wrong with you.

    If youre sympathetic, loving,caring thing is you expect others to treat you the same especially your friends and theres nothing wrong with that, i share the same experience although I’ve never really had issues making or keeping friends just that i would do anything for my friend but if the tables were turned they wouldn’t for me.

    And i found a solution, if you’ve known people past 4 months at least just like any relationship and if they don’t care for you, there are over 7billion people in the world, maybe move on and find your own FANS.

    EMAIL ADDRESS DELETED BY MODERATOR

    Xoxo

    Hi Olivia,

    You are probably new here. Welcome!

    This site isn’t intended to match visitors, either for romantic or platonic reasons. I’ve repeatedly asked people NOT to post any identifying information because it makes you a target for scammers.

    If you want to connect with someone in real life, you can do that through a special group page I’ve set up on Facebook (limited to women only).

    See:http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/something-new-check-out-friendship-blog-connection-facebook/

    Thanks for your cooperation! Best, Irene

  14. Jess says:

    I have a problem with having no friends, i have one best friend but we rarely talk since we live far away from each other and are busy woth our lives. But i have noticed a pattern of mine is every time im in a relationship i no longer want friends, i concentrate on wanting to spend time with the person im with and it doesnt interest me at all hanging out with other people. Its not the same for my significant other at all. Whenever im out of a relationship im very social and activly try to hang out with one or two people and go out and do social activities with them and have a blast. Whenever my significant other goes out to hang out with his friends i find myself feeling very upset and very alone.

  15. Ben says:

    I know some people who are incapable or unwilling to change. They remain stuck in negative patterns and continue to blame others for their misfortune and remain victims. If anyone has the capacity and insight to change it makes the sorrow worth the pain. It’s very true that without sadness how could you know joy? We are led to believe by culture that Facebook or Twitter or Snapchat is the answer to all our social connection problems. I have found more peace and happiness since I left Facebook and don’t intend to get on Twitter or Snapchat. That longing that friends who do not meet my needs get replaced with developing who I am. Understanding why I feel lonely because life hasn’t produced the great relationships I had hoped. Understanding who actually likes me and who doesn’t is a process too. I have much fewer friends than ever but I know that they at least like me to some degree because I am not continually reaching out to them. Sometimes they call me. My happiness is my job. I work on it every day. Here’s a funny story… The other day I called a “friend” and he did not know he had answered his phone but he ranted about me unawares. It’s wicked funny now that I remember it because he did me a favor. He showed me that he was not my friend. Knowing who isn’t your friend is just as important as knowing who is your friend. The only thing constant in this life is change……

  16. Ben says:

    I wanted to share another perspective from someone who has spent many years working on myself. In realizing that my behaviors are my problem I have had over the past 4-5 years many painful instances of friends distancing themselves from me. On the other hand I also have been changing to become more settled in who I am so I am less likely to be a chameleon when it comes to friends. I am no longer on Facebook because Facebook for me increases the sense of loneliness because I compare my life to others. I have interests and hobbies so I am able to fill most of my time. I have better self-esteem today than I ever have had in my life. Recently I dated a person who I liked what they said and how they carried themselves. The woman appeared for all intentions and purposes on a similar plane. When we started to get together my energy level slowly became drained. I’d compliment her on her looks and what she was doing and strangely enough no compliments came back at me. This pattern continued and I could not figure it out. Finally I broke free and then I could see it from a different vantage point. There are some points from my life that might help you in yours..

    1. Working on yourself and developing who you are increases your own sense of well being so you attract better friends.
    2. Working on yourself increases your self-esteem and people notice when you are happier and are attracted to happier people than miserable people.
    3. If you work on yourself and have friendships/relationships that end up not working you bounce back alot quicker.

    That person I dated turned out to be very narcissistic and I had not a clue until I spent time with her and got dragged down a bit because nobody wears a sign saying, “I’m a narcissist or I’m totally self centered or I’m an angry person.”

    Work on you and good things will come to pass….

    • Kelly says:

      Ben I enjoy reading your comments. You mentioned you go to a 12 step group. If it isn’t too personal do you mind I ask how you found the group and where you looked to join one? On line or at community centers? Just wondering , but if too personal please don’t feel you have to share.

      • Ben says:

        I was in an addictive relationship back in 1993 and experienced depression as a result. I have been in 12 step recovery since January, 1994. As a result of many different factors I was relieved of my depression in 2003 and made the connection between what I was engaged in and a sense of well being. “Addiction is a shame based emotional malady” (quote from online source) and the substance or behavior is really secondary. The movie “Zietgeist” has a line which says that addiction is a wrong response to a stimulus. If you’re allergic to fish and get violently ill from eating fish I doubt highly you will eat fish again. Addiction involves behavior or substance that does produce some pleasant effects but those effects backfire. In my case I wasn’t always depressed but the reasons I became depressed related to thinking and coping and decision skills that began way back at age 5. I am very grateful I have the capacity to change. There are some I know who do not have the capacity to change. One of them brought me into one 12 step fellowship who suffers with “Borderline Personality Disorder.” That very disorder comes with a double whammy. In addition to affecting the ability to maintain relationships it also hinders the sufferer from being able to see that change might improve things. I also know people who suffer with Schizophrenia with varying degrees who become very functional in spite of their condition. I have also known people close to me and not so close to me who have died as a direct result of addiction and the inability to get help, recognize they have a problem and recognize the problem is with them. There are 12 step groups for almost any malady. They all were an offshoot of Alcoholics Anonymous. There’s a wonderful Ken Burns Style biography of Bill W on page 124 dot com. Most newspapers carry listings of 12 step groups and there are websites devoted to each one. Professional counselors also have this knowledge. If you type in a search engine about what it is you are looking for it will yield some results. 🙂

  17. Luisa says:

    Ah! I’m so glad I’ve stumbled across this! I am in the exact same position as many of you ladies (& Gents) and it’s nice to know there are kind, genuine, and supportive people still out there.

    I have always found it hard to make and keep friends. I think it started for me at a young age – moving around a lot, it was hard and I was always very shy. I thought I found my best friend at high school, we were friends throughout college and even after. Then she betrayed me by having it off with a guy I was seeing, when she told me I was so upset and hurt. I forgave her, only to find within months she had done it again with a different guy I really liked (we are no longer friends obviously). Since then its been a constant battle with ‘fake friends’. One friend, who I thought was a best friend, I took on holiday. Hell, I organised it, even drove us to the airport, lent her clothes, makeup etc. She was so nasty to me and called me all the names under the sun, when I asked her what I had done, I got so much abuse…and this was after I had just done her hair and makeup for a night out. I was so upset, I cried for the remainder of the holiday and just wanted to go home! – We never really got to the bottom of that fall out and have never spoke since. I then moved in with a group of college friends, who I thought were nice and sincere! No surprises, turned out there is an issue here too. I find they belittle me, put me down and almost bully me. When I finally stood up to them and asked them politely but firmly, if they could not talk to me in such a way, arguments broke loose and it’s hell.

    I’m really not sure what I do to people, or if I even do anything at all to provoke these horrible situations. I am a genuine person, I’m kind, caring and a good friend to people. I listen to others, I don’t like conflict and I am always willing to help people out. I have never had fall outs at work or in jobs or with my family. It’s strange but I’m starting to think I must just attract these kinds of friends. My family say I’m too nice and that these people are probably just jealous of me and my happiness (although I’m not sure why anyone would be jealous of little old me?!)

    I think there are a lot of different people in this world, sometimes some of us are just very unfortunate to meet the ‘not so nice’ type. It can be lonely and sad at times, but I trust that I will meet a few really genuine friends soon…well I won’t be giving up just yet!!!

    • Dave says:

      Luisa,

      Aside from your story about the makeup, hair, and boy issues, I feel as though your struggles are my own. Presently, I’m married with a few children but had drifted in and out of friendships over the past twenty years. It’s to the point where I was the only one communicating or initiating requests to go out or meet up. It’s exhausting doing that or being flat out ignored. While some of my friends occasionally do keep in contact, I think the gentleman’s comment about working on yourself is apropos in that one would have more to offer to a friendship. At this point, since I’m planning in the next few years to move far from family, one needs to be adjusted and comfortable with the fact that you are you and some click and some don’t. I’m slowly learning to surround myself with positive influences that are in alignmeng with my goals (#1) and I know that eventually I will attract those that are right. Kind of a way to Be the change you want to see. I know it’s hard to face betrayal (I face it continually at work) but just stay strong. Do what you must, meditate, pray, exercise, whatever it takes. Be good to yourself!
      All the best.

  18. Freeda says:

    Amanda, It’s difficult to find genuineness any more because too many people are exhibiting self centered behavior, even if they aren’t fully aware of it. It has to do with the desire to get more and more stuff to help us feel better about ourselves. One of the reasons we act so terrible towards one another is because we crave the love of other human beings and we’ve lost the ability to share and except unconditional love. Not intimate sexual love, but actual one-on-one fellowships. I wish the best for both of you and hope that you will indeed find true friendships with people just like you. By the way, people love to dismiss your feelings by telling you that something is wrong with you. That’s not always the case and please don’t let anyone on this comment section make you doubt yourself ever. Some people are downright nasty because they don’t want to accept they maybe they are the a-holes.

  19. Andrea says:

    And one other thing- I thought making mom friends would be easy but it isnt!!! Now that I dont have work I try to make an effort with other moms and it is very difficult. I find people snobbish…..chatty one day then act like you don’t exist the next.

    Now I dont aknowledge or say hello to anyone if I dont sense they want to aknowledge me first. If Im going to be somewhere where I think I may run into people I take off my glasses so i cant see any faces. I DREAD small talk i am so bad at it I never know what to say and Im awkward.

    I feel like at my age, people already have their own set of friends, they arent looking for new ones.

    • Tara says:

      I can totally relate to this SO MUCH and I too hate small talk cuz I’m horrible at it and can be super awkward and I don’t understand why people don’t make time for me…I have quite a few friends on Facebook that whine and complain how they want people there for them or want someone to talk to or they are upset cuz they don’t like it when no one is there for them or etc…but be been trying to tell them for so long CALL ME ANYTIME or text me…something…but it seems I’m just not good enough for them and even the people that were t particularly popular before seem to be SO popular on FB and some of these people are NOT nice people…they are super rude and SUPER Whiney and negative and you’d think ‘who wants to be around that’, right!! But they got TONS of friends on FB and anytime they post anything whether it’s negative or mean or just stupid they got like from 50+ likes and comments and I’m over here posting what I think is not bad or negative stuff and super cute pix of my kids and witty posts every now and then and I may get ONE like or so and MAYBE a comment ….I mean for a recent example one of my friends just had her first baby and she got almost 200 likes and over 100 comments but when I had my kids I got high record for me of 12 likes and comments!!! Also I’ve ONLY been invited to one wedding in my WHOLE life and that was by my brother 2 years ago! But I see all these other people getting invited to weddings left and right and even people I grew up with and thought were my close friends don’t invite me or don’t make time for me….I don’t think I’m a bad person but I do know I can be very awkward and it seems like if people can’t be patient with me and be non critical and just really Try to REALLY get to me then those are the people who stick to me but most people are not that way and I’m definitely NOT a fake person AT ALL so maybe I’m just super misunderstood…? I don’t know but it is depressing sometimes and I also have been wondering if people don’t really care much about me cuz I got nothing to offer them on a materialistic or whatever level…I’m not creative or crafty AT ALL so I don’t make things like half of the stay at home moms I know do. I don’t have a super crazy cool and extravagant job that makes a difference to anyone outside of my household since I’m just a stay at home mom (which I know is the BEST and most important job but as far as outsiders go…you know) I don’t come from money and financially speaking every day is a struggle. I see all these people with all these “friends” and wonder if it’s cuz I’m not doing enough…they are running their own businesses and doing photography for people and all kinds of cool stuff while I’m over here just raising my 3 kids and taking care of my husband….usually it’s easy for me to make friends just not keeping them I seem to quickly become old news and they’d just rather make time for others and just not me….and at the same time I don’t wanna be fake to have friends and I don’t want friends JUST cuz I got a respectable job, or got money, or make things for people or whatever…can’t I just be enough ?! ( that’s what Jesus says to us ALL THE TIME!) I just feel so different than everyone else and I always have and looking back it was easier when I was a kid but now that I’m an adult and have gotten married and have kids it’s REALLY hard to find REAL people who are not super critical and will just take you the way that you are NO MATTER what!!! I think We should be friends!!!

      • Andrea says:

        I feel you!!! This is why I am not on Facebook anymore! I would be embarassed at the lack of comments and likes. Translation: people just dont like me lol. I never understood how some people had 1000 friends. On my birthday nobody would wish me a happy birthday – cricket city. But it’s someone elses bday and people are leaving great comments and liking left right and center. Then there were the cringeworthy unreciprocated friend requests – the worst.

        In some tribes in parts of the world you have to be accepted socially or the tribe will reject you, and you will basically have no food or shelter. I often thank God Im not in one of these tribes joking not joking I would be the reject for sure

        I think my problem is that It took me longer to mature emotionally. Ive seen counsellors about it and they say bc I had to raise myself from 13 I lack social skills because nobody ever taught me the difference between right and wrong. First world problems.

        Ive been there with the wedding invitations! Ive been invited to two weddings both people I dont talk to anymore lol. I had a very small wedding with my husband and didnt have a shower or a stag bc I knew most people invited wouldnt come. I NEvER would dream of having a birthday party for myself. Nobody would come Id rather buy myself a bottle of chanpagne and drink it by myself. I dont feel sorry for myself it is just the way it is for me. I am frank about it with myself ( sometimes I even have an F u attitude about it) but I feel I have to hide the fact I dont have many friends to the outside world esp my husbands family.

        In elementary I was super popular I remember I invited the entire kindergarten class to my bday party. Then my parents divorced and I was angry and turned into a mean girl. I dropped all my childhood friends to hang out with a group of ” bad” kids ( i got into drugs and alchohol
        ) and i deeply regret dumping my childhood friends. I speak to nobody from my past and I regret it. Luckily my husband is super super popular people love him he is so talkative and outgoing. He is never awkward. And is still friends with people from when he was 3.

        Anyways i am glad you reached out us social outcasts need to stick together! It is nice that you get it. Most people dont!

        • Lights are out says:

          Human behaviour really baffles me. I’m fast approaching 50 and have 2 friends left.
          Forum early childhood right until my 40’s I was Miss Popular. I was always getting invitations and visitors daily. Lots of phone calls a great support network. My partner didn’t like this part of our life that much. He had trust issues. I remember my father saying years ago ‘True friends weather all storms’. I must of been dillusional because after 17 years our relationship ended and I started dating someone else . All my friends disliked this guy. But not one of them told me that I was making a huge mistake . I would have listened. If they had of been honest. I would have said something if it had happened to one of my friends as if you’re my friend it means I value your opinion . Long story short, they all just left my life. Stopped calling ect . New guy who I find out is a manipulator turns it all around. “See, you don’t have any real friends!!! So my support base just vanished. The relationship and the isolation made me clinically depressed and that was great for him as he gained more control. In those blind grey nasty years if an invite came I wouldn’t show. I’d lost my self esteem and confidence. He ended up committing suicide on my birthday . Great present not. During that hideous 7 years I had one friend who stood by me . Unfortunately when I was on the mend and getting better we argued and now she’s out of my life. Spin hearing the news that the ex was no longer in the picture 2 old really close friends came back in my life. One of them was my best friend . For the record when I allowed them to re enter my life they were both extremely depressed. Hundreds of late night trips to see them talk them out of their state hours and hours on the phone picking up all the pieces. These2 girls don’t like each other so it’s difficult. My best friend however is over her depression now and has started going out with a group of girls. I’m never invited. But I’m the one that gets the worst if her. She even says that I’m the only one who knows her truly. She would never moan or gossip or carry on to those girls as their her POSITIVE PEOPLE! One of the new group who’s she’s obviously got a crush on well it’s driving me nuts. All I here is Sandy this Sandy that bla bla bla. I live a fair distance from my so called best friend and the group went to a race meet 5 mins from my house and still did not Invite me. However if I get invited to something (rarely) she always says I will come and I usually take her because I’m nice. As for all the others that dropped me years ago I never hear or see anyone anymore. I have 3 children but don’t see them that often due to the distance factor. Because they come from a broken marriage they’ve told me over and over that I won’t have any grandchildren and I believe them . I live alone in a very tiny place where there’s no way to meet friends. I work but there’s only 2 of us in the office. I’m always on struggle street but I don’t ever complain. I’m lonely and wish it would change but it won’t. I’m grateful I’m no longer depressed. But I’ve got another 30 odd years on this planet and I don’t want to just live each day like I’m marking off another day I got through alone . I’m grateful for the small things. I try everyday to be a better person. I smile. I keep up my appearance. I am not a downer (not outwardly) . It’s hard though because I don’t have any other family besides the kids so there are no connections . I know if I died, I wouldn’t be found for weeks . My cat would eat me! Ha ha ha . I don’t know how to change my situation. I’m so disappointed in myself for being jealous of my best friends new friends. But every morning I’m alive I have food to eat warmth so I should be thankful. It’s prob been 7 years since someone actually gave me a real long hard proper hug .

  20. ShootingStar says:

    I feel sad reading all your comments. I want ALL you to know I strongly feel like its the “other” person or the bully that has their own underlining issues. For example I am out going, forward, and “like able”. I believe EVERYONE is bullied at some point in their lives. Even though it didn’t happen often whatso ever when it happened I wondered WTH? I realized it wasn’t me..it was them. They felt insecure or inferior towards me. I use to work at a restaurant and at the beginning this big, loud, and obnoxious server would basically pushed me out of the way. Until one day I had enough and I rammed into her as she did to me. Guess what?! She stopped!! Be became friends lol I’m just saying that there’s a reason these ppl act they way they do…they have insecurites!! I know to most of you it’s easier said than done, but once you do they will leave you alone. Also from my experience (I’m in my mid 20s) I’ve noticed sometimes life and everyone’s priorities change. It’s not fair..I know it’s not. For heavens sake my sister doesn’t reach out to me to hang out cuz I don’t have a kid to interact with hers. I mean really?!? Lol I read ppls rants all the time on facebook and its a joke. They say “I have no friends cuz I have kids and no one wants to hang out” blah blah but in fact I don’t see them reaching out to me. Friendship is a two way street. I hope all you guys join the facebook group and become friends. At the very least we can all provide comfort and communication.

  21. Heidi says:

    I’ve been targeted like the above. You know, women are awful to deal with. I think they are their own best reason it took so long for women to get the vote! They run on emotion instead of reason and their favorite emotion too often seems to be hate. Good manners? Nah. Courtesy! Why? Tell a joke instead of spreading a troublemaking rumor? Why ruin their fun?

    Sorry, but sounds like you have to concentrate on doing things you love to do. Make people incidental while you concentrate on your interests. You might find some nicer acquaintances who are also trying to live a better life.

  22. Serena says:

    I am middle aged and at this point don’t really have friends. I have acquaintances through my children but honestly no friends. When I was younger, I had friends but as time went on and I finished school, moved, etc they kind of fell by the wayside. I had some work friends but as I changed jobs and time passed that kind of fell away too and I don’t currently work.

    I have a lot of qualities listed above (shy, introverted, anxiety, sometimes insecure) so its not a great mystery why this has happened. I have a few people that were childhood friends that I have connected with on Facebook…but you know…Facebook is just Facebook. I have a friend from the past that I tried to contact but we had a disagreement many years ago and I think there is no interest there to reconnect. Oh well, to be honest I am pretty happy in my own life. I am married with a family and that keeps me busy. Sometimes I wish I had friends and other times I feel like I do not have time for them anyway. Another thing is that there are a lot of nasty people, people who only want someone to use you for their own convenience – I can definitely live without that kind of stuff in my life.

  23. Josefin says:

    Because mostly people feel irritating with their life problem, so that can be a reason, they do not like to make friends.

  24. Cornillia says:

    I guess I’ve gone through a friend loss myself (I’m 24). Some of the categories for friend loss kind of contribute to me. I moved straight out of high school and moved twice again after that. When I went through school and settled for a few years I was able to meet people more my speed and was able to open up and be myself and it was great- I was happy, vibrant, honest, and sincere. Unfortunately after I finished school I ended up having to move back home for various reasons to a very small town that was very socially divided and stuck in the past. Stuck to the past me I guess. I tried to revisit my old friends I occasionally kept in touch with while I was away but I guess I wasn’t successful enough for them. Yes they actually said something about me not doing anything with my degree straight Outta college. Also they were mad that I left instead of going to school in that small town.

    I apologized and tried to explain that the little town just wasn’t my cup of tea- just as we all said when we were in school togather there. But after some parties where I was happy and vibrant like I’d grown to be not the shy or quiet girl I was, being freezed out by my childhood friends got to be a bit much. It felt like I was crashing a party I was invited too. I thought ok maybe I can make some new friends right?

    Sadly in this small town people don’t venture far from their small clicks. Rumors would spread, people start acting odd. I got depressed and started to feel like the shadow of a girl I was when I was 15. It was like being friend black listed. Feeling guilty for moving to find myself, thinking maybe if I stayed I’d still have friends. The only people in my life were a few family members and my fiance. They kept my head up reminding me that not everyone has to stay in one place all their lives to be a good friend and that I shouldn’t have to be mega successful to win friends.

    My fiance also reminded me that my friendships were relationships. And even if I’d done the hard work, understanding, and acknowledged the change – the people on the other end wouldn’t always do the same.

    Now I’m settling in Las Vegas making a life. Slowly I’m making new friends in a healthy way. But it was very lonely living in a town where my friends had abandoned or grew apart fromy me. My childhood friends let alone.

    I think I learned:

    -To be confident in who I am now.
    -To accept change even if others don’t.
    -Don’t close yourself up to friendship.
    -People who only care about what you’ve accomplished or money you’ve made aren’t healthy to be around.
    -That friendships aren’t perfect.
    -Not everyone is as open to change as I am.
    -That friends come and go (like many have said here).

    -To keep hope.

    I don’t know if this sounds dumb to anyone or not. But it feels good to just let my experience with friend loss out.

    • Heidi says:

      Very good take. Going home to where you didn’t have acceptance in the first place, is like taking back your past. Those who stay in one place and are prone to clannishness are a different kettle of fish from those who move and grow and change.

  25. ellen says:

    Im 15 and I have no friends. I’ve been trying to cope on my own with these shitty ‘friends’ i’m stuck with. I’ve had one close friend in my whole life, I got close with her 2 years ago. So she replaced me with a better girl. Ever since September, they have tried to hide that they dont wan’t me there but they invited me anyways. They hang out on their own, they have all their own little inside jokes. They invite me just because we used to be close friends. Before the event, they meet up amongst themselves way before and invite me a half hour before the event starts pretending that they told me about the time change. After the event, they were staying at my house. Instead of pretending to be nice like any normal human being while staying in someone else’s house, two of the three basically ignored me. The day after, we all walked to the shop and as usual I was ignored while the other one scrolled through her Facebook. At any point if I left the room, I could hear whispers. During the whole thing, there was the usual awkward atmosphere.On the way back home from the store, I walked ahead with the other girl because i just couldn’t deal with it. So the next day they text me on a group like why did you leave us and all this. I told them I was tired and stuff because I was. They asked me if I liked the girl and I said yeah I did because I do, she’s alright. They made it clear that they don’t like her and it was awkward.
    So I know that they’ve said shit about me. I know they’ve said I’m fat, a bitch, that I left them and all this blah blah behind my back.
    It’s pretty upsetting because I’m terrible at dealing with conflict, I probably wouldn’t even have the back bone to defend myself if they said something Along with other things that have happened lately, I feel alone. It’s just so obvious that nobody wants to be with me, and I have literally no friends and never really have felt like i’ve truly had real friends, ever. My whole life i’ve been the other girl on the outside of the group, i’m just there.

    • Bridget says:

      I have been through that. People I thought were friends would jump out of the elevator just before it closed and laugh at me as I was surprised. They invite me and tell me the wrong time. I wait for hours for them after a two hour drive. I was invited to a beach house. It was a long drive and I had never been there.

      What I did not know is that they never told the owner that I was coming. Just by chance I arrived as she was leaving the house. She was surprised and said there is nothing in the house to eat. She was going out to celebrate her birthday. My so called friends thought she would be gone and I would have to wait in my car. The area was was dark and no lights once night came. They also had no neighbors near by. I felt bad and how could they do that.I made the best of it.

      My mother said they were jealous. That’s why they acted that way. They had no self confidence and looked to make fun of poeple to make them feel OK.

      When I was sent to another city to work with the local office there, there was one car rental allowed for employees from other areas. There was no restaurants in walking distance. After work I had to make sure I was with them so I woud be able to have supper.

      One day I saw them go out in someone’s car and they refused to let me have the rental car to go get something to eat. I had three day old pizza and a candy machine. I called my boss and complained. I told him before I went I did not want to depend on others for transportation for food. He called the manager. In the morning the local manager asked me to come out of the class and asked me if what she heard was true. I said it was. My manager, the local manager and the employee’s manager had a conference. The employee’s manager was not happy with their employee’s behavior. They felt their employee embarassed their office. The local manager could not believe that anyone would be that foolish. She made sure on the last day before we left for our separate flights back home that I had somthing to eat at night. She offered to take me to the airport–a two hour drive, but I said she did not have to do that. I probably should have taken her up on that offer. When I got home two of my co-workers were mad at me for going out to dinner with the boss and her husband.

      It’s hard, but you have to know you are better than them. It’s their loss if they don’t want to include you. A guy I was dating, decided he no longer was interested in me,so he invited me on his date with his new girlfriend without telling me. Hoping I would get the hint. They would walk ahead of me and leave me behind. I got mad and thought he was no good. I decided to see how long he would act that way. He still invited me to his house. I enjoyed making excuses when he was talking to her on the phone. He kept using the long extension to walk away from me so I would not hear. I was determined to make him admit that he was seeing another. He didn’t. So I told him he could stop lying to me and left.

      I had no friends in highschool. I did homework. My mother was right. You are better than them. You have to find things you enjoy. If the only people you meet want to make fun of you, they are not worth the trouble. They are feeling inferior to you for whatever reason. That is their problem, not yours.

      I did not go to college, I had 4 brothers and back then girls did not go to college. If you go to college, you may meet others. I went and got a job. There were nice people and not so nice.

      Are there clubs at school you can join? We did not even have gym back then. Think about yourself and know that you are better than them. Their actions towards you show their insecurities.

      I hope you feel better about things and do not let other people pull you down. I have found that it is true. No one can make me sad unless I let them.

      • Artistmom says:

        I admire you. You have seen the worst in people and not let it turn you bitter. I look to you as an inspiration. You are a beautiful sincere person. Best wishes

        • Bridget says:

          Thank you Artistmom for the compliment. You made my day.
          I hope things are good for you.

          I am determined not to let the people who try to hurt me know. I figure that would upset them, as in they failed their “mission”. 🙂

          I forget who said this… something like the best revenge is living well. I would say be happy Don’t let idiots ruin your life or give them the satisfaction. That’s what they are looking for. As another person said smile.

          Thanks again for those lovely comments.

      • Ellie says:

        Hi Bridget, you sound like a sweet person. That kind of meanness is inexcusable and seems to me – all in all – bullying behaviour. I can relate to your experiences. The most insecure people try to make happy and confident people feel insecure to try and make themselves feel better. I’ve regularly been blanked by people who started off appearing keen to be friends but it was just part of a game. I’ve had people gossip about me to break up friendships, because they were jealous they weren’t getting the attention I was getting even though it’s totally unnecessary to be possessive over friends like that, but insecurity and – I was also told like you were, jealousy – were again the issues. I was at university and they arranged an end of course get-together and lied saying there wasn’t one then I found out afterwards they went for drinks and planned to deliberately exclude me. I’ve been told wrong venues by the organiser of a meet up but all these people who behave like that are childish and I don’t entertain people like that in my life. I don’t mistreat people and expect the same in return. If I see signs of any mean behaviour, I don’t hesitate to walk away because my self-esteem is good. I’ve had people mix things in my food out of spite that they knew would make me ill. I think people who do this are very disturbed and extremely destructive. They try to destroy people’s confidence because they’re jealous, bitter and angry. I’ve good a good instinct about people that I didn’t pay as much attention to in the past and the feelings I get about people always prove to be true. Intuition is a gift we all have and mine has never let me down and saves a whole heap of misery at the hands of these types of people and their negativity. I wish you well. It was like reading about myself reading your post and I think you deserve the very best in life.

        • Bridget says:

          Thanks for your reply Ellie. It’s unfortunate that there are people like that. To deliberately put something in your food is intent to harm.It’s not just those who are envy of those who made a financial success of their life, it’s also those who have any kind of success that some people envy.

          I saw in a store years ago a book about toxic personallities.I had never heard of it before. Those actions you describe and my own are the definition of a toxic person. They can be a friend, a family member, a co-worker, your neighbor. Childish resentment that they are not as successful as others are. They are not 5 yrs old anymore. Childish, selfish actions belong in the past.

          Success is not something that is handed out equally as when you were a kid. It is something you have to work, earn, and strive for. Some may not attain success, no matter how they try. Some may have it easy, though what one considers easy is a different matter. I just had my 50th high school reunion. Life treated each one differently. Some had physical difficulties, some were still trim and wore what we used to call mini skirts, though now they are conservative. 🙂

          I had lost weight and despite the fact tht I haven’t worn high heels in ages, I managed to walk in them. 🙂 The heels were glittery, sparkled silver, suggested by the salesperson. I was going for the black ones. I had a nice sleeveless black dress. Silver necklace, bracelet and earings complimented the high heels. I received sevreral compliments by some classmates. I was not a joiner back then. I was asked if what they heard was true–I was responsible for the alumnae list–the organizer made it all about her. She was probably the social butterfly back in school. One classmate said I looked better than her–she smiled and said she was being honest. The photograper took plenty of pictures, but made sure none were of me. I thought and still do think that is funny. 50 years later and some still acted like highschool. As one character in a TV show said–“These are the best years of their lives, but don’t know it.” 🙂 Sometimes the “popular” people, the football “hero”–that is the highpoint of their life. I have had people jealous that my choices in life worked out better than theirs. “And how is THAT my fault!” 🙂

          Thanks again for your comments. I wish you the best as well.

        • Bridget says:

          One more thing! My favorite movies are, Legally Blond, Pretty Woman and Working Girl. They show that good people do win. 🙂

          • Ellie says:

            That’s so funny Bridget, those are some of my most favourite films too! Especially Working Girl 🙂 I like that her character was a really good person & she didn’t have to be mercinary to win in life, she just needed someone to appreciate her integrity together with her talent. We have a lot in common. Have you joined us on Facebook? We could add each other if you join us.

      • ellen says:

        Thanks so much for the reply:) I really wasn’t expecting anyone to read that long paragraph, so thanks a billion. Those girls sound awful. Honestly its disturbing how obnoxious they were to you. The underlying piece of advice is beautiful, you seem like a lovely person. I’m glad I checked this site, I feel much more at ease now that there’s some more people with basically no friends.
        A question to anyone who has gone through this? Well, my birthday is coming up and I don’t have any close friends. I also live in the middle of nowhere. What am I supposed to do on my birthday, especially to stop my mom ‘worrying’? Thanks, anyone who has ideas

        • Irene says:

          Can you get a massage or manicure or find some other way to pamper yourself on your birthday, Ellen?

          • Bridget says:

            Good Idea!!!!! I buy a book I’ve been wanting to read, go to a movie I’ve been wanting to see or just do nothing except what I want. Treat yourself as Irene says. It’s YOUR day! Be NICE to your self.

        • Bridget says:

          Thanks for your comments Ellen. My birthday is coming up as well. I was supposed to be a St. Paddy’s Day baby. I jumped the “gun” and came a few days early 🙂

          Have a Great Birthday! when it comes!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

      • C.j.M says:

        I feel your pain, I really do. I’ve been in situations like the ones you described yourself. Also seen them happening to other people and felt bad that there was nothing I could do. Some people are just dropkicks.

        • Bridget says:

          Thanks CJM for your response. You are so right. How does that Charlie Brown saying go….I love mankind, it’s the people I can’t stand…?

          • C.j.M says:

            Hahaha! I’ll be sure to remember that one. I like it. Just recently I was excluded from a popular facebook page followed by thousands of people, and I have no idea why. When I tried to contact the owner to find out what was going on, I got no response and he blocked me on facebook.

            I also haven’t been commenting here much either. Because everytime I do, other people stop commenting. I’m really not sure why people don’t like me. Is there something they know about me, that I’m not aware of? Maybe I’m being paranoid.

            • Bridget says:

              Paranoid,,,,relative of Adenoid? I wonder that two. Group luncheons…people

              think it’s funny to leave a space on either side of me and ask me if I ever take baths. I find a lot of people that I deal with are rude, crude, low IQ

              My response to those who say “majority rules”… Civil Rights, Women’s Rights…

              Do those people think that the majority should have denied rights to certain parts of society because the “majority” said so?

              I keep giving people the benefit of the doubt. Probably wrong, but being viscious, meanspirited, cruel is not in my nature. When it was obvious that a restaurant was discriminating against me because I was a single diner, I gave the wait staff a tip that ws larger than the meal. The meal cost about $7. JUST TO SHOW THEM that the tip amount depends on the person NOT the number of people. I walked by a table that had 6 adults, the tip was VERY cheap fo 6 adults who drank and ate. Them meals were typical…steak, fish etc.

              Another time when I saw the host taking people who came after me, I wrote on the list that discrimination also applies to single people. They had to rewtite the list.

              • C.j.M says:

                It’s the majority who are definitely the idiots. With some people they are just bigots, and like to hate on others. Discrimination is NEVER okay. I’ve been to bars, where I stood there for at least half an hour waiting to buy a drink, and someone will just come up and stand next to me and get served straight away or I would send a friend up there and they get served straight away. I’ve been to nightclubs where I’ve been with friends, and bouncers would take one look at me and just find any excuse to kick me out, and my friends were left confused and baffled. I’ve been to a restaurant on my own once, they kept walking past me but didn’t serve me, and I even called out a few times but no one would help me. I sometimes wonder if I’m cursed and feel invisible. But yeah I have my family, and things to be positive about and be thankful for most days. Even if some days it does feel as though nobody knows me. I very rarely hear from ANYONE on Facebook, and no one ever calls my phone. I’ve applied for jobs and heard nothing back, tried to talk to girls and they walk away from me, or just aren’t interested. Tried to join in with groups at a party and find that they ignore me. But yeah, you can’t let things like this bother you. You are right, as long as the sun is shining, there’ll always be hope.

            • Kelly says:

              Cjm – i feel you I have joined on line groups and even there I feel like I dont fit in. People can be more rude than in person because they can hide behind the computer.

              I understand how you feel that you just try to avoid people. I like to avoid them too. I have always had problems forming female relationships even more problems keeping female relationships. For alot of my 20s I rebelled ( in my mind i rebelled) against my old highschool friends, made lots of friends in my work at the time, but because I have a social anxiety disorder and a stutter i would self medicate through alchohol ( my stutter seemed less noticable when drinking or when i was hung over). I was trying to create a facade of popularity and project I had it together careerwise but I really didnt. It took about 5 years of this spiral and before I knew it I was angry and drunk most of the time and I lost all the friends I made. I run into these people from time to time and I can tell how insignificant i am to their lives. But to me I think of them often and i Often catch myself cringing on past behaviour that i am deeply ashamed about.

              I went on to do very stable admin work , ( my previous career was very unstable sales job) made two new really good friends , and did it through not drinking or acting like an idiot. Recently one of these friends dropped me and i have no idea why. Thinking that i had made huge leaps in terms of how i handled my friendships and how i behave has been crushed. And i feel constant anxiety worrying that the one true friend i have left may dump me too one day. I ferl that maybe i am best in small doses, i seem to turn people away. My family says my friend that dumped me is just jealous ( she doesnt have a family or anyone special in her life) but she has lots of other friends with kids.

              It just cuts me up inside that we are not friends. And i feel resentful that I paid for so many outings/ lunches and dinners with her. And Im at this angry stage where if I saw her i think i would tell her to go f herself. I feel like she used me thankfully i never lent her any money.

              I feel lije ive been rambling thanks for anyone who listened

              Im learning alot from these forums. Im glad i found this site.

              I am a stay at home mom now.

          • C.j.M says:

            Bridget, you seem like a nice person, a friendly, outgoing and bubbly person. Even a funny person. I really like you, and you seem like the kind of person I would get along with. Thank you for your reply, and I am so grateful you listened to me. One thing I wanted to ask you, is how do you maintain your level of positivity and optimism after being excluded or or ignored so rudely by some people, and how do you not let it bother you? Exclusion and rejection seems to be an ongoing theme in my life, even by people I thought I knew. I really can’t escape it, but it does make me depressed and feel worthless at the end of the day.

            • Bridget says:

              C.j.M, my mother would be surprised at that. 🙂 When I worked I woud pout when the weeken was cloudy and my mother would say go back to work.

              I get irritated by drivers who try to set you up for accidents, insurance companies that don’t live up to their ads, car salesmen that are crooks, BUT as others have said, they don’t let others bring them down.

              Anne Frank’s father when asked does he hate the people who did that to his family, I believe he said something like–hate is detrimental to your well being. I have heard others say that and wonder how they could feel that, but it is true, carrying hate about someone makes you feel bad. As my mother said, YOU are responsible only about what you do. Don’t worry about others. That was and still is a somewhat difficult concept, but actors and public personalities they just let the negative go through them and not let them affect their lives. People abused by families and strangers get on with their lives and that makes me wonder how they do it.

              Is it worth rasing your blood pressure because of an idiot? Maybe they are right when you start saying things like your parents. 🙂 You become them and realize life is indeed short, no matter how long you live.

              I will say, it does make me sad, but then I think, I am not going to let their behavior make me sad because then they win.

              It’s an old axion–but true–appreciate what you have, see the glass half full not half empty as my mother would say. Once in awhile you do meet nice people. I have appreciated the nice comments form others in this group.

              Sometime I feel like Diogene–looking not for an honest person but a friendly, kind person. The sun is returning to the western? hemispere. Spring is on its way. There are many people who will not see Spring, many parents on Facebook are saying goodbye to their sick children.

              As someone said…make the most out of each day that you are granted. There are too many that do not have that chance.

              I have since learned not to let the thunder and lightening grow above my head. 🙂 That was me. I would get so angry that I felt like there was a thunder storm above my head. Didn’t change the situation. Didn’t affect the person I was mad at. If they saw me they laughed that they “got” me.

              Do as Charlie Brown says… 🙂

              • C.j.M says:

                Interesting. There were parts there I didn’t quite understand. But overall I think you made some pretty good points, and I agree with you! Thanks for taking the time to reply to me, Bridget. Many others here would just not reply at all, or only reply to certain people.

                • Bridget says:

                  You’re welcome. If you don’t work weekends, have a good weekend.

                  I worked shifts and weekends.

                  • C.j.M says:

                    I don’t work weekends. That sucks. You also have a good weekend, Bridget. Umm, at least the money is double time on weekends. I hope your work mates are good to you and you don’t have to work too hard this weekend. Hope you also get some holidays soon to enjoy too. Take care.

    • Bridget says:

      Ellen, I hope you find the posts by others shows that you are important. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel insecure. I went to an all girls school. Did my homework. 50 yrs later at a reunion, some have not changed, some were still nice. Find something you like to do. Be yourself. I found lots of interest in the library. Libraries still make me happy. That is where my positive memories live about high school. I found something I enjoyed. I remember that I was there a lot. I LOVED their reference room.

      I grew up with 4 brothers. I used to wish I had 15 sisters. I thought that would even the score if my brothers were outnumbered. 🙂 We grew up and away. Each had their own lives to live.

      I wish you the best and that you find interests/hobbies that you enjoy.

    • Allie says:

      I’m 18 , and I have one friend . Me and my best friend have been friends since 5th grade . We are a lot alike , but for some reason we can only hangout when we are smoking (ganja) lol when we aren’t it’s just awkward and uncomfortable bc she makes nor effort to keep a convo going . I used to have a nice big group of friends up until sophomore year , everyone kind of drifted apart and I was left with two friends which I didn’t complain bc I felt luck to eve have those two . But now I have just one friend who calls me her best friend but I feel like it’s only bc I’m her only friend too . I don’t know why but I feel like no one likes me . No one cares how I’m doing or if I even exist anymore . I’ve defiantly changed bc now I have severe anxiety about being alone with people bc I always make it awkward . I was pretty popular all through school until everyone started changing In high school . I used to talk to everyone and just joke around and I was the biggest class clown , but now no one talks to me . I’m decent looking, I have a decent body , I know I smell good , I have great parents and a nice home and I drive my dream car . But for some reason no one ever wants to get to know me . I haven’t had a relatio ship in years . The only texts I get are from my parents or my one best friend . I know how lonely feels , I know how feeling not good enough for anything feels . Don’t you ever give up , focus on you and make yourself the best you , you can be! Make them all wished they would have been your friend in school . Be successful and don’t worry about having friends bc it’s over rated unless you find someone who you click with and you have a bond with then “friends” are pointless . You only need you and your family .

    • Tom says:

      I am in my 40’ties, i am a bit tired of people in some ways, and dont really have time. I do enjoy life, even though it is hectic. I do enjoy loose relationship, i can easily get in contact with people and like to joke and somewhat “shock” people, saying something out of place or something you would say to people that you know good.

      As today, i went to emergency room, and i actually had broken a small bone without knowing it. One of the cute nurses went around and fixed things with this. Then she came back several times and we got a good connection in a short while. The last time she came back, she said, ok now we are finished i will see you next week, or actually i will not. I smiled and said, ok, good work. She laughed and smiled back at me and we had created a moment. I liked her, and she liked me, but we will probably never see eachother again. I like this small moments, and dont want to ruin them with doing anymore than just this. I know i am strange, but this is what makes me tick;)

      I am sociable and like interacting with new people, but i dont actually need that much sociable interaction. I do have two friends left, but i do see that i might be to kind to them, and let things slide. I always like to be shure that i give more than i get, but people in general are most occupied about getting from others, selfish, not seeing it them self, or want to, i guess. But it is my own fault.
      It is comming to a point that we are slipping away from eachothers also it seems. I get fed up.. but i laugh about it too. I am comfertable with myself, thats what is most important for me. Maybe this ends up with no close friends and a start of new friendships, or maybe things will change with my old friends. 🙂

      I end up breaking up the friendship, i had some friend breakups, because i seemed to be the one that usually do got in contact with them.

      One: I stopped contacting her, then time passes by, it take a long time before she contacted me, then i did not want to take her calls because i got irritated. Then i after while actually did answer the call, i laughed and said i got fed up with always beeing the one contacting her. And i think she also lied about saying she did not seeing my calls. She got irritated, i did try to call two times after that, but she did not respond, so this ended about three years ago, she still sends me christmas cards, i have never done that though.

      Two: I always contacted her, we agreed to go to coffee, then she had an excuse i know was a lie, why the f… can not people just say the real reason, i had something more exciting to go to, or i am just tired, want to stay home and relax. Whats wrong with that? She tried to contact me again later, we met, then again she had a white lie the next time, i was fed up.

      Three: She is my step sister, i always contacted her. She has never after 10 years ,of me stopping contacting he, ever initiated a contact directly with me. Only with my dad. She did say to us all when she was at my dads place that we should come and visit her. It is a bit complicated, not needed to say, but i cant understand that she never contacted me once, saying whe should get toghether. I dont think she understands the thing, and i a was to stubborn to say that i did not contact her of this reason. We actually have some sporadic contact now, and i have told her about it now.

      Anyway, people are differrent, i think you should be comfertable with yourself. Make things simpler. Try not to care about stupid and petty people. Just say to your so called friends next time you meet them, that you dont like the way they treat you, dont smile and pretend that everything is ok if they put you down. Maybe say, what is up? what are you laughing about, can you tell me what you are talking abaot? Well ok, see you. Then just smile and go away. Not easy to say what would be the best way for you to solve your situation.

      But one thing, try not to use much time on people that you are not comfertable with.

      I have found one good solution in my adult life, dont know if this can be used in your life.
      When i meet someone new i feel i have a bad chemistry with, i try to pretend that i have a good chemistry, and try not to show that i am sceptical about that person. This seems to work out, not that we get to be best friends, but we get along and function together.

      Most …

      People are sceptical to new things and people by nature.

      People also want to protect theire own position, they can kick downwards when they feel it is needed.

      They are afraid to break out and actually say what they mean, because it will make problems for them self.

      They often dont listen to what you actually say, but they make up theire own belives about you as a person and your situation.

      You and people like us are people that dont want to play the game, we try to be our self and do actually try to help others even though it might be negative for our self in a short perpective. But maybe not in long term. We say more of what we think about things, and try to resolve situations that are difficult. Maybe not now, as you are young and have a difficult time now, but i believe you will arise 🙂

      When i was younger, i found out for my self that i needed to make things simpler. What if you get a job you thrive in. As long as you manage by your self you should be contended with that. That was my road to strenght. What is right for you, i dont know.

      Anyway, a lot of incoherent ramble, but some of it might be to use for you.

      I will never again stumble upon this thread again, but i wish all of you fighting out there good wishes 🙂

      Tom

    • Kelly says:

      I was like this in highschool ( I am 40 now) , my situation was a bit different because I was always trying to fit in with two girls who I called my best friends, but they always made it clear to me that THEY were the best friends . Not me.

      I always felt like the third wheel and even though these girls were technically good friends , I always felt like the second choice. Time went on and slowly I became more resentful and I found the group too clikey ( everyone talking about each other and there was always someone who was out of favor) and when I was 22 I broke off all contact really harshly. One friend took it really hard which surprised me but I was done it was too late

      Looking back i wish i had just involved myself in activities I liked and made new friends that way. Instead of spending so much time trying to people please and be someone they liked, i could have spent that energy on making new friends with people who would want to put me first. Or at least not make me feel like i was second. In these formative years your choices are important, i wish i had made an effort with particular people who wanted to be my friend. Trying to be someones friend is such a waste of your time.

      • C.j.M says:

        I was at TAFE, studying I.T, with a group of people like that. They would just bicker, banter, make fun of each other and argue all day. And whenever one of them wasn’t there, the rest would talk endlessly about that person as if they were the worst person on Earth. Even though I was 26 at the time, I felt like I’d been through enough of that sort of thing at school, and I just feel old, tired and worn out. Like I dont have the energy anymore. These days I avoid people. My “friends” from school and where I used to work, even extended family don’t talk to me anymore, and I don’t talk to them. They never cared about me, so I don’t care about them either. Most are married now, kids, careers, living overseas. But they still keep in touch with each other. I was just never one of their group.

  26. Russell Dyer says:

    I wrote a novel about how some people have no friends, or how we often feel alone despite our many supposed friends. The novel is called, “I Have No Friends.” This is a repost from your article on Psychology Today. I don’t mean to be so self-serving, but some may find it useful.

    The main character, a young woman has no friends because she pushes people away. She’s not shy and doesn’t have social anxieties, nor is she trying too hard. Instead, she’s skeptical of others and won’t let anyone into her life.

    The basis of this theme is a quote from Thomas Merton: “we reject [love and friendship] of others simply because it does not please us to be loved. Perhaps [because it] reminds us that we all need love from others and depend upon the charity of others…” (“Seven Storey Mountain”).

    In my novel, I explore this attitude. The protagonist’s understanding of friendship evolves from her experiences. I hope people will read it and it will help them to be happier.

    -Russell

  27. Janice says:

    I was reading all the comments here, we are all different, each an individual. We ALL have something *wrong* with us or other wise we would be perfect. what happened to patience, kindness, understanding, love, and giving of ourselves in our society? We need to make time for what is important. Make having friends important again! In this day and age people don’t TRY, they expect a relationship to be perfect. They cannot handle or accept any flaw, character imperfection, or anything that takes WORK. To have anything worth while it takes a tremendous amount of work. I read one post about someone said others sense *neediness* OMG if we have no friends of course we are needy!!!! there is nothing wrong with that! Everyone needs something or someone in their life whether they admit it or not. People now a days are too wrapped up in themselves, their family, work, or social media and their tablet or iphone. We are not a community anymore, we are a self isolating nation now. People don’t smile as much as they used to, afraid to talk to anyone. It’s hard in today’s society to have what we used to consider how it should be. Sad, very, very sad
    Janice

    • Artistmom says:

      I totally agree. We are supposedly a more tolerant society now, yet, I find the opposite to be true. Everyone has flaws, even the seemingly not so flawed women in my community. Maybe they are just better at hiding it. I am an artist, and part of what drives that is my turbulent past rooted in my upbringing. I find that when I open up a little at a time to “friends” they stop interaction with me. I am careful not to reveal too much, or bombard them with neediness, and I always ask about their lives, kids, careers, etc. No one, and I mean no one, except for my husband, and strangers on Instagram comment about my art. Aside from my family, that is the most precious thing in my life. I teach art skills to young children, and they are much nicer to be around, as they haven’t put up walls yet.

  28. Jennifer says:

    I’m 16 and I try so hard to make friends. I have one best friend from way back who recently made a new best friend and sort of dumped me. Even though I’m an introvert I force myself to be outgoing and talk to people, but I always come across as awkward. Even when I manage to get someone to like me and become friends with a person, after a while they seem to get bored of me and just sort of ignore me. And it doesn’t help that much that I have major anxiety and am depressed. I just need 1 good friend that will be loyal to me and understand me and won’t dump me!

    • gemma says:

      I know how you feel … but sometimes making friends is a hard thing … my advise is meet new people and have fun … tell them some of your worries things that will make them feel that you trust them … but dont tell them really personal stuff or secrets that you might bot want to share with just a friend becuase if they arent that loyal in the end you might end up in trouble… another thing is if you feel like they think your boring… avoid talking all about you or about school alot .. try having conversations with open ended questions .. .and funny one too …friends come and go .. but remember be yourself and dont try to change yourself !

  29. Junie says:

    At 61, I decided to reconnect with my 3 old best friends staggered throughout the various stages of my life. One is now completely destitute and has a criminal record. I find out early that she is a bottomless pit of need, especially, financially. Initially, I would send her holiday cards with alittle cash enclosed but then did not do it this past Christmas and she got majorly pissed. The other 2 are BOTH hardcore Bi-Polar cases. I mean, the types that are noticeably ill and socially handicapped. What sad luck! None of these friends are capable of normal friendships and I’m not capable or willing to risk being pulled down mentally and emotionally. I’m not a therapist, nurse or banker. I’ve helped each at first because I believe that we should help people and especially, friends, but it’s just too much crazy making for me and can never be reciprocal in a healthy way. SO, that was all was a FAIL. I love these women but I’ve had to let them go. Now, I have no friends and am not inclined to care anymore.

  30. Artistmom says:

    I’m a mom of 4 in my 40s who has problems keeping friends. I’ll meet a mom at a kids’ sports game, and at first, they seem to really like my personality. They may even invite me to lunch, etc. Then for no reason, they will become distant and drop me all together. This after I send a text saying thank you, had such a great time with you. In a few weeks, I’ll ask them to meet for lunch or coffee, and politely they will reply, only to never contact me again. I can honestly say that I haven’t said anything offensive or “touchy.” At this point in my life, I’ve come to the conclusion that I give off some uncomfortable “vibe.” I do have attachment disorder from lack of bonding with my mother as an infant and child. Perhaps because she rejected me, I give off the air of being a loser. I was bullied terribly in kindergarten by a 5th grade boy for several years, having to walk home from the bus after school with him antagonizing me to the point I was balling. Then when I was 13, it happened with another boy my freshman year. Perhaps I’m so used to rejection, I project it with potential friends. The only thing I have is my art and my immediate family. It is lonely.

    • Artistmom says:

      I am invisible and don’t belong here. My life is pointless. I do favors for others that are never returned. I cant wait for my life to be over. Maybe suicide

      • Artistmom says:

        Iwas driving this morning. A 55-60 year old man in a pick up thought I was driving too slowly even though I was going 10 miles over the speed limit. I tapped on my brakes to get him to back off as he was on my tail. I even have a “student driver” sticker on my car because my teen is learning to drive. He then passed me and slammed on his brakes. I had to go off on the shoulder to avoid hitting him. He then put his truck in park and got out. He was screaming obscenities at me and made a fist at me. I passed him and kept going. I kept thinking what if had been my child behind the wheel? I hate people

      • Irene says:

        @Artistmom

        When someone is depressed, they can’t see anything positive in their lives. With four children, you need to seek help. If you feel so despondent that you are thinking about giving up, contact a suicide hotline immediately.

        • A free 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) is available to people in crisis (or their loved ones) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are routed to local crisis centers.

        • In the UK or Ireland, Samaritans offers confidential support at 08457 90 90 90.

        As much as people on this blog would like to help you, you need to reach out for professional support.

        Best, Irene

      • Bigmom says:

        There is nothing wrong with you. You are a superhero for sending four good humans into this world, when we need goodness. We need art and you are doing that too. Thank you.

        Moms give and give but our society is not set up to nourish us. I have felt that dark thing but know it passes. You are here for a reason. We need artist moms. We need you. We’re just all spread out, overwhelmed, plugged in but not connected. My only dear friend lost everything, only to move back home to build a better life the one that got away. I send you a hug and tea.

  31. sarah says:

    hey, i just saw this blog and don’t really know what I’m doing, but i recently lost a close friend and the rest of ‘our’ group. i knew they weren’t really wanting to be my friends because they kept leaving me out of things and kept being really blunt with me. we fell out over a stupid situation but i think they saw this as their exit because they haven’t spoken to me since.. it didn’t hit me for a couple of month because i knew i had to get over it because i knew they didn’t care, but erectly its really started to hit me and i just feel so alone. I’ve started a new school/college and i couldn’t feel more alone. out of the group of us two of the girls including me went to this one school and one of the girls knew a lot of people so the other girl followed but i got left behind and now i have no friends.. i recently lost my nan and she meant the world to me, I’m struggling without her or/and any friends and i really don’t know what to do because I’ve never felt so alone.
    sorry to bother you all.

    • Ursula says:

      You sound probably younger than me (I’m 52), and I had a similar experience to yours in my 20’s. Don’t get down on yourself; they are the ones being jerks. Here’s the thing: If people don’t want to like you — and there are a variety of reasons for that that do not reflect poorly on you — any excuse to ostracize you is a good excuse. Maybe you did something that wasn’t perfect or right, but so effing what? Every one of us has. That’s part of caring about someone: When they screw up, you still love them. You’re still there for them, even if maybe they didn’t react/reply/handle something the way you think they should have. Again, it could be nothing you’ve done and just jealousy on their part, a very common reason to be ostracized.

      Be the best you you can be! While they are blowing you off, use your extra time to exercise or improve yourself in some way. Become a cagier, sexier, livelier YOU! If you’re in school, use your extra time to become an excellent student. Because you know what: Living well is the best revenge!

      Some practical things I’ve done which have yielded some results: I go to meetups. I’ve met some nice people at meetups, but there are a lot of people at meetups that you would not connect with; just expect that. I’ve had a few good experiences through meetups but a lot of turkeys too — don’t get discouraged. I have placed ads on craigslist in the platonic friendship section with mixed results. I am friends with one woman that I met through CL, although admittedly it’s not a bosom buddy connection. I’ve also had some interesting experiences through CL that, although they didn’t yield any friends, they made me a richer person (and some were rather hilarious).

      I am not shy at all about breaking the ice. I was waiting outside a restaurant for my husband and my pizza to be ready because it was so friggin cold inside, and another woman was also doing the same! So we talked non-stop for a solid 20 minutes, and finally our pizza was done. I wrote down my phone number on a piece of paper and said, “I’m new to the area (I am). If you want to hang out sometime, give me a call.” And I was really hopeful, because she said that she had just left a museum (DC area here) where she had been alone and talked about how she enjoyed going to the museum alone (which I am the same way about museums). Well, she never called, and I was disappointed about that. But I would do it again. Just put yourself out there and take a chance.

      And, of course, always be safe and smart about Craigslist!!

  32. Sunny says:

    I have very similar story to original story by Amanda. I cannot figure out what is it in me that I cannot have friends.

    • Ursula says:

      Me too! It seems like, despite my best efforts, people just don’t seem interested in wanting to be friends. I am a kind person and not boorish. It has been frustrating, but I think the problem is more widespread than we realize.

  33. Shell says:

    Hi Amanda I’m in the same boat as you I had friends who turned and to just wanna bully me in the end they wouldn’t even talk to me but only laugh out me … Again I was the one trying to fit in I left school and made some friends but again pushed out they never called me nor came over I’ve done it all … And these days I’ve moved to a place I don’t know to be with my partner I’ve no friends I don’t really go out no one to talk to but the walls … I’d love to have what other people have in friends but I just don’t think my face fits I’m easy going and will help anybody if I can …. Even my own mum has done the same to me my dad doesn’t really say much … My sister and boys only wanna know when they want something …. So in all I live in a place I’m unhappy with no friends and no family and a partner that talks to me like I’m something on his shoe that’s it really … I’m a nobody and not missed xxxx

    • Ellie says:

      Hi Shell, I can also relate. I don’t tolerate two-faced frienemies and bullies. Unfortunately, my experience of friendship so far is controlling, wolf-dressed-in-sheep’s clothing types. I wonder about what you’ve said and if you’re a very honest person, perhaps very pretty and just a generally lovely person. Although long term male friends have been difficult to make because of the obvious challenges around knowing for certain they’re platonic (unless they’re gay, of course), female friends have been impossible to make because even if they start off ok they become critical, snarky, spiteful and sabotage within a short space of time. Those sorts of friendships are not healthy and I won’t stay around dysfunctional people because I’m not afraid of being without friends. It would just be nice to have them. A lot of people, even those who enjoy a lot of solitude, like to have friends and it doesn’t mean you’re not a rounded person with your own interests or needy. It’s part of what makes life more enjoyable, even if you’re perfectly capable of being alone for long periods and you’re happy in your own company. I’m very independent, intelligent and educated but it can just be a lack of compatibility in terms of interests. I met one woman years ago who I didn’t pursue a friendship with – but neither did she – who’s company I enjoyed who it might have worked out with had I had the life experience behind me I now have. I met one other woman who was also well educated and we shared our passion for psychology but circumstances didn’t permit a friendship due to the requirement to maintain professional boundaries. It’s unlike me ignore boundaries, but in hindsight I think she might have been worth the risk. Who knows, it might have backfired as it often does but now I’m older I think sometimes risks are worth taking even if you get burned once or twice. My assessment about people I meet is spot on these days, but back then I had less life experience and that lost me a couple of opportunities. I think it’s important to be honest about what we want from friendship and not try to fit in or people please. I hope you find friends soon and don’t forget to join us on Facebook.

      • Ellie says:

        Meant to add to the comment about you being honest, pretty and lovely – that maybe that’s the issue for the bullies in your life who are insecure and dislike seeing those positive qualities in you. It can also be why some people don’t want to be friends with you. Jealousy is less obvious but more common than a lot of people realise.

  34. L.B says:

    I am 22 years old and in my 4th year of college doing a post graduate degree. I have anxiety which is well controlled (I think?) with medication. I am also an only child. From the time I was a kid I have had problem making and keeping friends. Even at school I am often excluded from group work (last one picked) or am the last one to have a partner to work with. I have tried…..I invite, offer, organize, am friendly and try to be positive…..all of this gets me nowhere. I have now retreated and decided that I will keep to myself. Nothing else seems to work so I am trying hard to concentrate on school and not much else. I am worried about my upcoming co-op placement. If I feel this much rejection from people who I am familiar with what will it be like with total strangers. I just have no idea what I can do differently and its discouraging. If it wasn’t for my boyfriend (3 years plus) I would have nobody at this point.My mom is my best friend and biggest cheerleader but whose mom isn’t lol. Social media like facebook just attacks my confidence. I post things and despite having 500 fb “friends” will have no likes or comments. Other people in my program post 1 thing and I see them get instant responses and likes. I know FB is vapid but it is the unfortunate territory of social interactions for Millenials. I am just looking for someone to reach out to me.

  35. Bridget says:

    Thanks DarleneH for your positive comments. As my mother used to say… “No one can make you unhappy unless you let them>”
    She is soooo right and I try to think that way. Doen’t always make it, but I try.

    I had an aunt who loved to discuss the history of the universe, creation and deep interesting talks. As others hve said my conversation pieces are not the general gab fest. I do enjoy talking with those who like the shows I like. We have good conversations.

    My vocabulary level was college in the 7th grade.The way I talk seems normal to me. Thanks again. 🙂 Happy face and giggles.

  36. Kays says:

    Thank you Irene,
    Yes I’m new here & I was just warning Sue ,I don’t want to make friends,may be later.
    I don’t trust facebook,it is full of hackers.I’m just confused because I don’t know what or who to trust now.I just like this blog it keeps me busy.
    Thank you once more for your kindness.

  37. Kays says:

    Hi Sue,
    It is good to make friends online,but be careful,this world is full of evil & some people are not what we see them.
    I don’t know this blog either but some sites have people who are not what they look on pics we see, so as you are looking for friends,pray over it you find real people.
    I was almost scammed,but thank God I survived that.
    Stay safe & be blessed.

  38. Kays says:

    Hi Sandra,
    Sorry,I’m new here & I have been enjoying people’s comments which are now keeping me busy, though I don’t complain of not having friends now.
    I tried as well to make friends but I only found wrong ones who were not honest & some landed me into trouble,that has made me be alone now.I feel bored with no friends but I have accepted the way things are to avoid what I went through.
    Friends are not easy to make & trust,so don’t feel bad about that,you @ least have a husband to talk to when you are bored,now imagine I have no husband,mom & my sisters have gone back & I’m just alone.Getting used though….Smile & take time to find a true friend because some mmmmmh it is bad news!!
    Stay safe & be blessed.

  39. Sandra says:

    I’m about to turn 41 and I too have no “friends.” If I ever want to do something with someone it’s usually my sisters, aunt, or mom but even that is rare and far between. This was really never an issue until I got married and had kids. I think this happens to a lot of us because we get busy with our family. It would be nice to have someone to grab a drink with after work. Or go shopping, even if it’s just window shopping or just have lunch. Just someone to hang out with. In the last few years I’ve attempted to build friendships but they have all been a fail. I have finally decided that I rub people the wrong way and have given up. Also my marriage is not the greatest so this on top of being friendless makes me feel alone and bored. Because of this I’ve learned to do things by myself. I go do my nails, get my hair done, shop, enjoy a glass of wine (or two) by myself, even go to the movies on my own, and etc. I would love to have someone to do these things with but I figured if I sit around and wait for that, life is just going to pass me by.

    • Sue says:

      Hi Sandra, where do you live? Sue

    • Artistmom says:

      Sandra, I totally get it. I’m a mom of 4 in my 40s who has problems keeping friends. I’ll meet a mom at a kids’ sports game, and at first, they seem to really like my personality. They may even invite me to lunch, etc. Then for no reason, they will become distant and drop me all together. This after I send a text saying thank you, had such a great time with you. In a few weeks, I’ll ask them to meet for lunch or coffee, and politely they will reply, only to never contact me again. I can honestly say that I haven’t said anything offensive or “touchy.” At this point in my life, I’ve come to the conclusion that I give off some uncomfortable “vibe.” I do have attachment disorder from lack of bonding with my mother as an infant and child. Perhaps because she rejected me, I give off the air of being a loser. I was bullied terribly in kindergarten by a 5th grade boy for several years, having to walk home from the bus after school with him antagonizing me to the point I was balling. Then when I was 13, it happened with another boy my freshman year. Perhaps I’m so used to rejection, I project it with potential friends. The only thing I have is my art and my immediate family. It is lonely.

  40. Sandra says:

    I’m about to turn 41 and I too have no “friends”. I never really had an issue until I got married and had children. I think this happens to so many of us because we get so busy with our families. If I ever want to hang out with someone it’s either my sisters or my aunt or mom but even that is rare and far between. Also I would love to have someone that I can go grab a drink with after work. Or go shopping even if it’s just window shopping. Or have lunch, get nails done etc. Just someone to hang out with. It’s just hard to find someone you click with. In the last few year I’ve attempted to form friendships but they’ve all been a fail. I’ve finally decided that I just rub people the wrong way and have given up. Also my marriage is not the greatest so having no friends on top of that makes me feel even more alone and bored. Because of this I’ve decided to become my own best friend. I go get my nails done, my hair done, shopping, even go to the movies by myself, etc. I’ll even enjoy a glass of wine (or two) by myself. It would be nice to have friends to do things with but I figured if I wait for that to happen, life is just going to pass me by.

  41. Lalanonymous says:

    I’m at the point where I wish I didn’t have any friends. There is a freedom in having only acquaintances, no bosom buddies. While I don’t struggle with the word “NO,” I struggle with being extremely loyal and extremely guilt-ridden. I am unsatisfied with the friendships I have, but I feel that I can’t ditch them because they could be a lot worse. The problem is that I still don’t want to hang out with people who I’m unsatisfied with, so I try to put off gatherings and meetups. Then, the loyalty and guilt kicks in, so I know that after saying “no, I won’t be able to go” 5 times, I’ll eventually have to say yes. Then, by saying yes once, I know I’ll have to say yes another time in the future. I just want all of them to completely disappear so I won’t continue this cycle of guilt and loyalty. I know I need to put myself first but I just don’t know how when I have this cycle of struggle. What’s ironic about this situation is that I didn’t realize how unsatisfied I have been with my friendships until I made a stronger effort with them in 2014/2015.

    • Jt says:

      Hi Lalanonymous,
      I would advise you to be careful what you wish for. I was in a similar situation and pulled away from those I felt obligated to and dissatisfied with. All you end up with is no one. It is very lonely, it is very hard. Yes, it is freeing to only have acquaintances, but it also means you have a lot less understanding and love in your life. If you make friends easily, take that for the blessing it is. Read any blog on here- most of us desperately want that ability.

      • Kelly says:

        Agree with JT! I did this too ( cut friends) and I regret it. Subconsciously you might be trying to isolate yourself. I fight my introvertedness every day because I have to for the sake of my son. I miss my old friends, once you burn that bridge it’s over and there is no turning back. Nobody understands you like your old friends. Dont think about it too seriously and get busy with other things. Youre better to put a little distance between you than to just cut someone. They will never forgive you trust me And you will be alone kicking yourself.

  42. Melissa says:

    Wow, the more I read the posts, I feel more okay. It’s always true though and my mother always said this to me..Don’t ever be upset about what you don’t have b/c, it’s what you do have is what you need to be grateful for. Well, I am grateful and I miss my mother every single day as she was my light and inspiration. I have had, what I thought, were a couple good friends. Of course, time takes away everything or maybe it is space. I don’t know. I do know that each of us creates what we live in and with. I have chosen to seclude myself b/c I did, at one time, not do that. It has its ebbs and tides. We all go through times that challenge us and they are there for the lessons we need to learn. I do want friends now and feel that glimmer of hope within myself to go back out there and find some happiness. I just wish it were easier, but then again, nothing ventured, nothing gained…JMO

    • Ellie says:

      My empathy goes out to you for the loss of your mother. I am glad she was your inspiration. It’s also good that you appreciate everything you have and are focused on those rather than what you don’t have or perceive yourself as not having. We don’t all create what we live in and with. Some people are disabled with long term illnesses and cannot control other people’s perceptions of them and reactions to them. Many of these reactions and perceptions are based on erroneous assumptions and their unwillingness to understand and communicate, so why they choose to unfriend them because they’re no longer able to partake in activities in the same ways they used to is nothing to do with the disabled ill person who finds themselves abandoned. Some people have no family, some people experience jealousy, petty ostracising behaviour and others are misunderstood because a lot of people are judgmental. With insight, it gets easier to see why people end up with no friends but frequently they did not create that situation. In fact, after reading many of the comments on here it is clear that many people without friends have made a tremendous effort to make themselves available for friendships but due to a variety of circumstances this just hasn’t happened for them.

  43. Kays says:

    I don’t know why people become depressed when they have no friends,I feel it lessens problems some untrue friends can create.
    I once tried to make friends but alas,I brought problems near me.The only friends I have now are my mum & sisters only.
    This world is full of evil & so difficult to make friends,I want friends but I meet wrong people.

    • Rachelle says:

      I totally agree with you!

    • Sue says:

      Looking to make friends in ct or anywhere

      • Sue says:

        I always had a lot of friends, until I started dating, then my priority was about them, I am 60 years old divorced, 2 grown sons, I have family and that’s it. I no longer date men. I want a couple of good female friends. I live in ct. Sue

    • Anon says:

      Kays, I stopped hanging out with my group of friends last year from March-may. Just a slow drift off because they were solely concerned with partying and sleeping around and clubs, no reciprocal texts, invited etc, only me who was making an effort, when I did get a text it was because they needed something (ex. After no contact for a few weeks, One of my best friends from middle/high school who went to college out of town texts me and says hey will you take the online math entrance test for the community college I’m going to this summer, I’ll pay you. Keep in mind for that since we were 13 years old we’ve been best friends and spent at least 2-4 nights a week with each other for 4+ years in highschool). I had to let these three girls go. I’m a nursing student and when two of them do drugs and have shitty jobs and no aspirations and I do. I had to remove myself for personal/my future reasons. i would text the other girl (from above math test) and ask when she would be in town and she would say this day and I would be super excited and say we need to meet up and hang out just text me when you get settled and we can make plans she would agree but would never tell me when she came in town or make plans. I would see her hanging out with the other girl in our group (one of the ones from above who I dropped for doing drugs) on Facebook and would text her and be like hey I saw on Facebook you were in town! Wanna hang out or go do something? There would always be an excuse I’m going to see my mom, I won’t be able to hang out or I’m going back early. You know through all the stress and sadness it caused me having to quit being friends with girls I had been friends with for close to 8-10 years. The one girl with severe meth addiction had been one of my best friends since I was 7 years old. I’m fucking 20. However, let me say that yes I am in a MUCH BETTER place in life, I’m not used, ignored or walked on, but I have no friends now. And it is the most depressing lonely experiences of my life. I’m not an attention whore. I’m quality WAY over quantity. I’ve had acquaintances from classes and such but those 3 were supposed to be forever, bridesmaids, old ladies ramming into each other’s wheel chairs type shit. But now, I’m about to start my junior year in college and everyone has their own clique and friends and I have a few acquaintances from highschool and classes that I speak to on the go at school and I try to make a deeper connection with the girls and they seem receptive in person but over the phone it’s bare minimum replies to a convo that I start. Half the time we will be in the middle of a convo and We’ll get on the subject of the gym or something and they will offer it out that they like to go so obviously wanting to be friends I say let’s set up some times to meet i really need to get in shape I get no reply. I try to talk to people and be receptive to them and be nice and not overly obsessive I don’t double text if I don’t get a reply.
      I don’t text 16739 times a day or week. I don’t confront these girls on how they act, I don’t stalk them on social media, I don’t overly like their things and rarely ever comment, Maybe they don’t want to be seen in public with me or whatever but I don’t see why I mean I’m not drop dead gorgeous, but I’m decently pretty/average looking, I have great hygiene, small amount of acne on chin, not an oily mess, I know it seems like the over thinking could be a problem hindering me in convos, but I’m literally throwing out all options right now trying to think why I have problems maintaining friendships because I’m a decently funny person who contributes to the conversations, nice person and listens and genuinely responds to convo. I don’t make things about me, I ask them about things in which they mentioned in previous convos to let them know I’m genuinely interested in being a friend. I know this turned into a book, kinda just needed to get this off my chest.. What I’m saying is it can drive you nuts when you try to be the “best friend” by incorporating actions that people would want their friends to exhibit. Having no friends is so lonely and depressing especially in college. I literally go to school and come home every day and do homework and play YouTubers just to hear human voices.. It’s the same with my family, I make the effort and I get NOTHING in return in fact my family acts worse than the people I try to be friends with. I text my
      Female cousin wanting to hang out she says she’s not home but that I can come over when she gets home. She gets home and I never receive a text and haven’t talked to her since (3 weeks ago) I feel like I’m a bother even though I don’t text all that often bc I want them to know I care and want to see them with out being overly clingy.
      If it wasn’t for my super supportive loving boyfriend I seriously don’t know if I would even be alive at this point. He’s the sunshine in my life. I’m forever grateful. He’s the only thing easing the pain and anxiety.

      • DarleneH says:

        Anon, you sound like a person who can definitely make friends. You want to get along, you are willing to try lots of approaches. You are doing something worthwhile with your life. You have lots of the pieces in place.

        What could be missing is self confidence and polishing your social skills. People can sense any level of neediness in others and it makes most people uncomfortable, they will avoid that. Reading between the lines a bit, it sounds possible.

        Everyone feels unsure of themselves at times, believe me. I’ve yet to meet anyone who is completely self assured all the time, especially around people they don’t know. But, self confident people get comfortable and make connections quickly. Partly, I think, because they expect that things will be okay and that they don’t have any expectations of others, aside from a friendly conversation. People are naturally drawn to that, I think.

        I would suggest trying to find things to do that you really enjoy, that build your confidence. Forget making friends for the time being, just do things that help build you up and grow as a person. Join a climbing gym, push your envelope a bit. You can also learn about social skills from books, a therapist, the Internet, etc. Be a student in this part of your life, it’s very worth the effort. And, if this feels like too much for you to tackle, maybe consider counselling, that can really help as well. All the best to you, you sound like a very nice person. 🙂

  44. Kina says:

    I have acquaintances…unfortunately. I want world peace and I want to give my last to whoever needs. My complextion is brown and yes I know my history but I don’t hate non brown people. So clearly I’m not petty. Hate when brown people ask why. The malarkey????

    I guess I’m an observer. If gossiping occurs I keep my distance while giving the side eye. I’m sensitive to other people’s feeling. So bulling and belittling is a no no.

    I have no friends. Growing up all that was around was weirdness and I’m not weird so I was like nahh I’ll be by my lonesome. Where are all the cool laid back world peacers that don’t smoke crack!? Like in the movies!

    Any way I just want3 best friends???? one day????

  45. Joe says:

    Wow, after reading that depressing post my life doesn’t seem so bad…So what, I’m a loner I guess… That war ruined a lot of peoples lives… I had two Uncles that were in it, they both died years ago from problems related to drinking to much…

  46. Paul says:

    The last real friends I had was when I was in high school. Next I was in the military in Vietnam and having friends was not a good thing, that friend may not be back. Friends were rats, snakes, bugs and of course the viet cong.when I got married wife wasn’t ever happy with my choices. Always had some comment. After years I lost self confidence and just gave up trying. I also lost interest in wife and decided to hide. Now after all these years I have no real friends, nor do I care about the wife. Would feel much better without her. I’m 70 and I have had a horrible life.

  47. Joe says:

    I am 47 and right there with you Amanda. In High School I was one of the most popular guys and looking back it seemed like everyone wanted to be my friend… However, three decades later that is not the case. I have maybe three people that I could kind of refer to as friends, but not good friends and just like you explained the only time I see them or talk to them is if I initiate it and/or make it happen.
    I try to convince myself that I’m okay with not having any friends, but the truth of the matter is I hate it…

  48. tanishi says:

    I no friends at all at my school. Every swears at me and puts up there finger at me. they also say I have Ebola and a disgrace to the school.
    this all makes me upset and sad. this has been happening since year 7 till now in year 9 – the year I am in currently

    • C.j.M says:

      Sorry to hear about that. That is bullying. You shouldn’t have to live like that, Tanishi. I’m sure you are a good person and a kind soul and you deserve much much better. Do your parents know about this sort of behaviour from other students? Does your teacher know? From my own experience, most of the teachers didn’t care and told me to “just deal with it”. Things may or may not be different these days. Although I had one very good teacher who cared, and was there and believed me even when no one else did. He was a great guy and he helped me when it really meant the world to me. I was feeling low and he gave me faith that there are some good people. I had an experience like yours and I know how you feel. It crushes your spirit, your soul, your heart and your potential in life. Do something about it now while you still can. Don’t let it continue, ruin your education and destroy your hopes and dreams. If I could, I would’ve sued for what I went through back then. And even though I struggled psychologically and emotionally for a very long time, I’ve forgiven those people today. People just don’t seem to understand how much bullying can affect a person throughout their entire life. And that’s really sad.

      • Melissa says:

        I think you missed my point..I was not saying that all is included in that creating our own messes..Yes, there are very disabled people who I know and I do know they cannot help what has transpired…I also know many who have had the epitome of bullying going on..I was bullied in school b/c I am a masculine looking woman and was always called sir and mister…Really bad on the ego for sure…I was referring to those who CAN control things allowing obstacles to get in their way…I can say i am more of a procrastinator than a doer, but i try not to be…I also have had other inspirations from friends I had who have since passed, that told me that it is NEVER too late for anyone to try to do things…I saw the guy on TV this morning who is 86 and doing lawn care, etc. It’s a mental thing too…My mother was a great inspiration for me to not allow myself to always feel left out or angry or just try to be happy for the moments you have right now…So, I try…I am sorry if I offended anyone with my blanket comment..I meant no harm…

        • C.j.M says:

          Sorry Melissa. I think you meant to post that to Ellie.

        • Ellie says:

          No, I didn’t miss your point. “Each of us….” is general. If you had said: “Some people” or “I”, that would have given your comment context. However, I do appreciate your amendment to the post stating you meant “to those who CAN control things”. Sometimes control can be a bit of an illusion, after all, we cannot control other people’s responses and reactions to us. Some pro ple are going to actively show disinterest, react negatively – e.g. an unwillingness to appreciate our positive qualities and incessantly seeking fault or will be exploitative – or maybe they will just be indifferent, so that no matter how much effort we make to expose ourselves positively to opportunities to make friends they choose to not be friends in a health way or at all.

          • Laura Kat says:

            Hello, My Name is Laura I am 27 years old and….I am a lonely person too,I have gone through life and had many hardships on trying to make friends,Throughout school I had a tough time trying to make any friendships and tried my best to be likeable or tried to even join in but never really got anywhere at all, Most of the time I was severely bullied or shun’d and left alone at lunch or sat alone in class, My teachers never really saw or knew what was going on. My parents did not really know either as I tended to avoid conflict or speaking to others.

            I was terrified of the consequences and pretty much kept myself to myself. When I had lost my father due to him being drunk and violent because he had come home from the military with PTSD I found the transition very difficult alone and pretty much began to find difficult and challenging situations when confronted frightening or couldn’t really say anything to really defend myself or if I had said anything to try to put my point of view across …. it would be deflected and then I would loose the confrontation. I have dyscalculia and Non-verbal learning disorder and found learning very difficult and get teased and negatively spoken about this would be peers and teachers.

            Peers used to tease me or bully me and the teachers used to send me out or attempt to get me help but 9/10 times there was no funding for me or apparently I did not need it. If I did happen across someone who wanted to be my friend it was usually to get something out of me or it turned out to be emotional or physical bullying which would happen outside of school gates or out of the way of teachers. By the time I left for college I found it a strange transition and found it very difficult to speak to people or criticize other peoples practice or work in groups …usually people would just leave me out or not really bother to ask me anything or ask for my opinion.

            In my working life I too also am still this way and I keep away or try to keep out of conflict or arguments with people and I often apologise a good few times even again to people the next day if I have made a mistake. When I am honest or I am trying hard it usually goes south for me as I am a pushover and will do any jobs to keep me away from saying “No thank you”I also sit alone at lunch and people don’t really talk to me or invite me out to have drinks, go to parties or fun events.

            I also often talk to myself when I am alone or in a place on my own or find I speak to my 2 cats for comfort …It sounds crazy I know but I honestly have no one else to help. I do have a partner but he has barely has anything to do with me and tends to just play his Xbox and normally hangs out with his friends or he is working nights so I barely have much conversation with him and I usually just spend nights or days trying to clean my home because of his mess and I find this difficult because he makes large messes and just leaves it. I have also considered going to public places and try out some socialisation in coffee places and gyms but find it so so so hard to talk.

            When I usually talk its usually small talk and generally to pass on information to another person…I suppose its a start to try and build bonds. My mother does not regularly see me much any-more and spends time with my step-father and my brother and I am usually told its due to that I live in Derby which is only a short drive from Long Eaton and would take only 30 mins. I usually think that there’s a reason why I am alone or that people dislike me, I have never been unkind or mean to anyone and I am very placid person.At times I feel abandoned or unwanted.I don’t want to sound like I am a desperate person and neither sound like I have nothing else better to do other sit around and be depressive but I feel this is the only way I can find an outlet to describe my situation to you all. I have considered therapy or finding some help but I am a little scared of the results that I may find.

            I do have some sort of happy times though… I really enjoy art and love to draw and knit so it takes my mind off my problems and stressful times. I am happy to find that there people similar to me and are doing through what I am and this is very comforting to know.

            Sorry to sound like I am going on a little.

            • Bridget says:

              Laura Kat, sometimes you just need to vent. There are many people who have been through or are going through your experience. Know that you are not alone and it is not you. Some people are outgoing and some aren’t.

              I had to buy a car. My almost paid off car was damaged by a family member. I thought I had a good relationship with the dealership. The service department was excellent. I gave them my business.

              Car sales jobs unfortunately attract those with a shark’s persomality. A wolf in sheep’s clothing.

              This dealership that I thought I could trust, played me like other dealerships. I was concerned about the outstanding lien. I read lots of stories about how dealerships can cause problems by not paying off your old loan and you are stuck.

              The advice says–don’t buy a car until the old one is paid off. That is as folish as the “Let them eat cake!” to those who are starving. They paid off my lien 2weeks before my next loan payment was due AND LIED to me about the status of my loan. I had a car that was very popular as a used car.Many dealers wanted me to trade it in. I was in for service so the car would pass inspection coming up. Stange thing happened–a service tech came over to me about water damage in the car. The work report was about another car. I said that. They charged me hundreds of dollars to repair the car. When I got home, I discovered the passenger side was soaked. I had removed newspapers from the passenger side that were frozen. This was the second time water had got in. I hoped it was like the last time–summer–and not bad.

              I find it hard to believe that they did not know about the water damage and sent another tech over to see if I “had a clue” about the damage. 60,000 mile checkup and another job which totaled about a thousand AND when I reported the dampness after to trying to dry it out, the airbag light went on. That is an inspection failure. I was told it would cost me almost $3000 to repair and it may not pass inspection. The car had a $8-10000 value. They gave e something for the trade it seemed reasonable as I was not sure I had the moeny required for the purchase. I found out that without labor, the repaor cost was under $800. Since it was water damaged it had to have a slavage title. It makes me wonder if they knoew about the damge and repaired the car for several hundreds of dollars knowing that thw water damage would be extensive. They also put the license with the registration sticker on the wrong place on the car. The salesman joked about how I would be stopped by the police for having the sticker in the wrong place. The plus side–uses cheap gas,get more miles per gallon.

              I read on a car forum that someone purchased new tires to be put on their car before inspection. The old tires would not pass. The old tires were not put on and the car failed inspection after he had paid $800 for tires to be put on. The owner was quite upset. The service area… “oops…sorry”.

              The point is, is that there are nasty people out there. there are also nice people. You like to draw and like art. There are groups out there for art and drawing. Some are good, some aren’t. There is one I joined, but hardly any show up, which is sad for the person who started the group–over hundred people have joined, but few show up. These meetup groups pay a fee to the web hosting for space on Meetup. My hearing aids stopped working and the organizer was soft spoken. That did not work out for me.

              Just as their are online groups there are also groups that may be in your local area. Take care. I hope things get better for you

            • C.j.M says:

              Laura Kat and Bridget, I can relate 110% to both of your experiences. I found a lot of times in my life, I was either subtly or directly excluded from things and never told why. And instead of talking to me about what issue there is (whenever I’ve confronted them), people would much prefer to act passive-aggressively, and talk behind my back. And friends would later tell me “they dont like you because they think you’re retarded” “or dumb” “or ugly”. Stupid superficial reasons.

              They teach you at school the best way of dealing with conflict with other people is to talk about it with the other person, and to apologize. I have the same social skills as everyone else. But for some reason what works well for other people just never seems to work for me. I get treated differently. Some people just don’t like you, no matter what. And during a conflict, I am happy to admit when I’m wrong and to apologize. Especially if I’ve mistreated someone, I will feel bad for it. I don’t know why other people can’t be like that.

              So, even if you try to talk to them about the problem, they just ignore you anyway. There’s a quote – the opposite of love is indifference. And I’ve found that far too bloody true in my life. With overwhelming feelings of being invisible, isolated, unloved and unwanted. And I’m not depressed. But if I were, then that would be why.

              • Ellie says:

                Cjm you sound like a decent person and my experience of listening to decent people over the years is that a common denominator exists. They aren’t liked. Ironic. But, also a lot of what you’ve described is actually bullying behaviour: “subtly or directly excluded from things” and “passively aggressively” dealing with you. It’s designed to isolate and find fault. Any type of exclusion is bullying. We don’t have to like everybody but we can be decent to them. There’s a quote by the Dalai Lama: “If you can’t help them (people), then at least don’t hurt them”. That applies to you too. There’s no excuse for meanness. It’s easy to self-blame if you’ve been the emotional pignata for a long time, years in many people’s cases – many people will convince you it’s your fault because you don’t fit their idea of what a friend is. I’m sorry you’ve been through that, because you deserve better, so I hope you maintain your standards and keep away from those kinds of people who abuse you. I can fully relate to your experience. I don’t have friends now because I’m not busting a gut to gain the acceptance of mean people who reject me because I don’t conform. I don’t mistreat people, I accept them the way they are and I take nothing for granted in life, including the smallest of blessings like a pleasant conversation with a barista or a compliment from a stranger online. It all adds up. None of us need someone else to prop up our self esteem but, good company is nice and there’s nothing needy or wrong with wanting good friends in our lives. Were built to be social and I hope you make some friends soon. I hope the same for everyone on this thread who’s found themselves without friends through no fault of their own.

      • Kina says:

        I agree.

Leave a Reply

Visit GirlfriendSocial.com

css.php