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Ask the Friendship Doctor

Why would someone have no friends?

There are a host of reasons why some people have no friends…and it is more common than you might think.

QUESTION

Hi there,

I am so happy to have found your blog! I have a problem that has been ongoing for my entire life, pretty much. I have no friends. Well, let me restate that: I have no friends who keep in touch without me doing all the effort and even then it is spotty! I am 35 years old.

A little history, in case it is applicable to my current problem: in middle school, I had a very close best friend but she dumped me, which was really tough. Then, in high school and into college I had some best friends that I ended up dumping abruptly over the littlest thing, which I have since realized was due to trust issues that I have worked through now. So why can’t I keep friends?

I have a group of three friends whom I have known since I was about 21. They don’t call me or email me really, but if I email and rally everyone for a get together we have fun… but then nothing. And I hear from them that they have gotten together in the meantime. I don’t get it- what is wrong with me?

Around the neighborhood I chat, make meals for the new moms, etc. but then nothing. And the other moms get together without me. I have female cousins who are really great, we have fun when we are together—but they never call or ask me to get together. It always has to be me.

The fact that this is a pattern in all my female friendships troubles me and makes me think that I am doing something wrong, but I don’t know what. I am a caring person and go out of my way to ask people about their lives when I am having conversations. My therapist has said that there is nothing wrong with having to be the one to always initiate a get together, but then I see my others who have a group of close friends who get together and really support each other, and I wonder, why not me?

I am an only child and sometimes just feel very alone. Other times I feel okay with having no friends. But all in all, I wish it were different. Do you have any advice for me?

Signed,
Amanda

ANSWER

Hi Amanda,

Ouch! It sounds like you feel like you’re a pariah. It’s impossible to guess why your friendships don’t “stick” and there’s no uptake by others but the problem seems to be a pattern rather than a one-time occurrence—and something you want to change.

Can you self-identify your specific problem (s)? Here are some of the possibilities why people don’t have close reciprocal relationships with friends. I’m sure other readers will add to the list.

Temperament – Are you shy and uncomfortable around people? This can make people around you feel uncomfortable too.

Insecurity - Do you feel like you can’t measure up to the people you want as friends? Are you able to trust other people? These may be barriers that create distance between you and your friends.

Preference – Are you introverted? When push comes to shove, do you actually prefer being alone rather than spending time with friends? Do you think people know this when they’re around you? Or, are you extraordinarily social—so preoccupied with making lots of acquaintances that you lose out on making close friendships?

Psychological Issues – Do you have a history of difficulty establishing intimate relationships with others? Are you uncomfortable with people knowing the real you?

Lack of Experience – Regardless of age, some people lack the skills needed to make and maintain friendships. Do you think you have what it takes to be a good friend?

Situational Obstacles – Do you live in a geographical area where it is particularly difficult to connect with people? This might include living someplace rural where there are few people or because of a history of frequent moves, being someplace where you feel like an outsider.

Disabilities – Do you have a mental or physical disability? Unfortunately, because of stigma, people shun individuals with mental or physical disabilities. In addition, being homebound can limit the opportunity to make friends.

Personality – Is there something about you that others find grating? Are you too needy? Too pushy? Too talkative? Too controlling? Are you fiercely independent—wanting to call all the shots regarding what, when and where? Sometimes, there is something off-putting about a person’s behavior and the individual lacks awareness of the problem.

Communication Style - Do you respond to your friend’s overtures as well as initiate contact? Are you available on line or by phone, depending on your friend’s preferred mode of communication.

Time Management Problems – Do you have a hard time juggling all the responsibilities and demands placed on you? Do you consider making time for friends selfish or frivolous?

Unrealistic expectations – Have you led your friends to believe that you will always do the organizing? Do you have an unrealistic, romanticized notion of friendship? Do you expect all friendships to be perfect and last forever?

Talking to an objective third party is a good way to gain insight into something you can’t figure out about yourself. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a therapist; it could be your spouse, a sibling, or someone else you trust.

Since you are already in therapy, perhaps this list will provide a useful starting point to explore various possibilities with your therapist. I agree that something is amiss given the scenario you have described and your desire for more reciprocal friendships.

Hope this is helpful.

Warm regards,
Irene


Prior blog posts that touch upon having no friends:

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Category: HAVING NO FRIENDS

Comments (2,263)

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  1. Sherry says:

    I share a lot of what everyone is experiencing here. 43 yo and have had issues making friends since I was born. Shy, introverted. I to am caring, a great listener, always willing to help a friend in need, loves unconditionally. I’d be a great friend if someone would take the time to get to know me. But that could be it. How can someone get to no me. I’m introverted, not so trusting, protective. On this site there’s a lot of talk about organizing get-togethers. It’s hard to get develop more meaningful connections with multiple people in the mix. How about focusing on just one friend at a time, really getting to know who they are, what they love, etc. For instance a “friend” of mine (not a close one, we get together like once a year). Anyway I know she loves horses. If I truly wanted to know her more deeply and invest in the friendship I’d find some activity to do with horses, I’d call her up, say hey I know you love horses, as do I and I’d love to share this experience with you. I like to think of it as “creating memories together”, the more positive memories and stories you create together and can share, the more bonded you become. Just a thought. I’ve yet to do this, always thought about it so I’m going to give it a try. Also, laughter is key too, at least for me. I notice if laughter doesn’t come easily between me and another person (when it’s just the two of us)then it usually doesn’t turn into something deeper. There are a few people on the planet that laughter does come easily with and these, interestingly, have been my most deepest meaningful and valuable friendships, solid and unconditional (even though we only see each other sometimes, and they have all there other friends, I know in my heart of hearts they care about me, and that makes all the difference. best wishes to you all in finding your joy, whatever that might be.

  2. A loyal friend says:

    I am just writing about my concerns with the initial response from Irene. The response implies that it is the person with no friends that has a problem or impairment in her character. I am 35, I look after my health and appearance, I’m comfortable with myself, not shy and generally always get what I want through hard work. I find most other girls are envious and insecure of other secure women. I don’t think its fair to imply that it’s the person with no friends that has a flaw in her character, most successful people unfortunately don’t have friends. I think it is really hard to find friends that are really happy for you if everything is going well in your life.

  3. INA says:

    I HAVE EVERYTHING AND HAVING NOBODY..GREAT..I am sorry, I didnt read anything from the posts..I gave everything to my friends, because I believe in doing good…I am not saying I am giving up..but..thats life..but it kind of hurts..If you would see me on the street, I have everything for you..well, it is fake..like everythings that touche rich or happy people.I AM NOT REALLY RICH..BUT I HAVE MUCH MORE THAN MY CHILDHOOD FRIENDS..but it didnt make me happy..and I am alone..maybe its weird

  4. Susan says:

    I never had real close friends it’s hard to find someone most friends want be your friend unless you have something to offer it seems I’m used up ! I am tired of giving everybody selfish ! I’m tell it like it is person ! I don’t paint a flower ! Takes to long ! I guess I try to be your friend but I’m not kissing any rear ends sorry I don’t beg for love it’s got to be nature ! I sound hateful but I’m not just honest !

  5. Victoria says:

    Actually, many people do not understand what friendship really means. And, hence I’m a female, I can tell you about other women. Generally, it is true that two women can have a friendship based on mutual interest, but rarely on true and genuine love. In case you are too beautiful to be friends with the smart, too smart to be friends with the beautiful and too free to be friends with everyone with all the burdens, all that may result in having no friends at all. Most women are weak creatures prone to large amounts of jealousy towards even their “closest” friends. This will make them speak bad about you, hate you because other people approve of you and anything else I can’t even imagine. I have had a childhood friend sharing about how my boyfriend beat me up with a bunch of people I don’t even know, but I’ve partying with at a venue. I have had my closest friend telling things about me that aren’t even true, so other people would like me less or even hate me. What else. Currently I have a bunch of new friends, who won’t put pictures of me they’ve made, probably because I look too good on them.Come to think of it, I’ve had this all my life, all these women taking pictures of me , that I never see and publishing only some I look bad on. Who needs friends like this? Not me. Recenty, I even got a new friend, who wrote something terribly put up in this media I work at and put my name on it. People are just not free and when they see or feel someone who is, they wish to destroy the freedom, so they feel more powerful. Still, I have mutual interests, and if I want to go to a club or outdoors I can go with them. I even like them and love them for who they are, but I know they’ll never love me, because they are not like me. I’ve had friends that are a lot more beautiful than I am and I’ve never done anything insulting to them. Frankly, I don’t really care what others think of me or do to me, because I know who I am and this keeps me strong. About men, I am not really sure, but it seems to go the same way. So, do not blame yourself for what others do or feel, it is up to them anyways. Concentrate on yourself and be whoever you want to be. Forgive people, they are weak and you are weak sometimes too, but if you forgive and they don’t, you’re the stronger one. Find a man, this is really important, at the end of the day, all women desert their other female friends to go to a man and if you don’t have one, you’ll always be alone. Last but not least, do not fear of being alone, you are enough to satisfy all your needs. Focus on what you want to achieve and the right people will come to you. Later in life, when you’re all settled, friendships get stronger. While you are young you need to fight for a place under the sun, so be careful what you share, never speak bad about yourself, your family or your whatever man there is around you. If there’s no one around you, go out and open up to the world, do not stick to the old, that does not satisfy you. Never stop believing and searching, real things exist in this world, but they never knock on your door, you have to go out and find the ones you wish for.

    • jaded and lonely says:

      I know how you feel. I’ve had so many “jealous” friends over the years that i just drift away from because they’re not equally happy for me when something good happens, like i am for them.

      The want to destroy happiness. For now, I’ve given up on true frienship amongst women.

      • Rain says:

        That is so sad. Of the 12 billion plus women in the world, you have judged us all from the few who treated you badly. WOW, that;s scary. I have never had true friends myself because I have Aspergers and I don’t think on an emotional level, I think logically and analytically. Most people find that hard to adjust to and that’s ok. It’s as hard for them as it is for me to understand the emotionally charged conversations and behavior of Neuro-typical (normal) people. What helped me though was the realization that if I want my difference recognized, accepted and appreciated, I must do likewise. I can’t have it all my way. So I accept people as individuals not representative of the whole. Now I have some very nice individuals who respect me and at the end of the day, respect is worth everything to me.

  6. Jennifer says:

    Hi Guys
    I don’t have many friends left. I once had quite a few but they all dwindled away when i stopped having parties.

    I think people get tied up in different ways of busy life and get very tired. So tired that they forget to contact you and then they feel bad that they left it so long and you haven’t contacted them either, so there you go.

    Maybe you have the most energy to organise everyone to get together. Maybe do it once a year and then you can tell everyone at the get together that someone else has to organise the re-union the next year and hands up please who wants the honour. You will see how many people are too busy. Some people are in bed by 7pm. Doesnt give them long to do any organising. Please dont think it is bad to be the organiser. I love organisers.

  7. Chifu says:

    all my life I’ve tried to keep friends but they still leave me anyway ……..I’ve tried to let it be and be alone only problem is I still don’t feel whole alone
    I love and give my all ….am not perfect and tired of crying to myself cos I don’t even have anyone I can tell this to …..help

    • simon says:

      Hi it seems like there’s alot of females with no friends I just wanted to add as a male I also have no friends any family I was close too has died im 39 and deeply deeply lonely I have three children that I see at the weekends but I have no one to talk to and just feel lost I try my best with people I try and be the best person I can be but it seems I’m destined to be lonely the red of my life and I realm hate it.

  8. Amber says:

    I have no friends and no one close to me with exception of my husband. This is because #1 I’m very shy and not only that, I’m an introvert. I would much rather spend time alone or with my husband than with the vast majority of people. #2 I seclude myself from the world. I have low self esteem and isolate myself if I feel that I can’t measure up to other people’s standards. #3 I lose interest in other people quickly. Once I have captured the interest of an aquaintence/new friend I lose interest in them. I don’t know why, I feel it’s my fear of being rejected or hurt. I will straight up ignore them…I feel bad about it, but I can’t help it.. :/ I want friends, but not right now. I was betrayed by many people in my life that I was nothing but loyal to and I don’t want to face that heartbreak again.

  9. rich says:

    I believe people like to be in control if you appear to your friends that you need them more than they need you they no you will always end up running to them all the time don’t contact your friends again unless they contact you even if this means you have zero good friends treat one another equally if your aware that its you who always has to make the first contact in order to socialise then your friends are also aware of this sounds like you need a clean brake away from them an just because the same path has followed for a long time means nothing truly

    • Jen says:

      That’s very true, Rich. I’m taking a break from my so-called friends right now because I’m the one who always makes the first move. It’s important for friendships and relationships to be balanced.

      • Johna says:

        Same here. I’m an immigrant and it’s been very difficult to make any real friends here. I was always the one initiating contact and then I decided to just stop doing that. All those contacts, five or so, have faded away. I’m better off for it. I was lonely and needed friends but couldn’t find any real ones. For a while I opted for being the one initiating the contact in the hope of reciprocation but that never came. I think it’s harder for people to connect with me because I’m from Europe. I’m a beautiful and intelligent woman which are also real impediments to finding female friends. Women are wired for jealously and competition with one another and most of my friendships ended because the friend was jealous of my looks, good grades, salary, material possessions and god knows what else. I’ve not had many positive experiences with friendships and I’m kinda done with it. It sometimes gets lonely and fortunately my insurance covers counseling so if I need a friend I call my counselor. It’s great in many ways. I get an independent opinion, I process what’s bothering me, I get an hour of undivided attention. My solution isn’t optimal but I can’t find what I really want: a friend who is trustworthy, somewhat emotionally healthy and reciprocates. I’ve taken many attempts to make friends in the past 15 years here. People find me easy to be with, good with clients, I’m low key, easy to talk to. There’s nothing I can change about myself to make my self more likeable or improve my social skills. I can’t change that I’m European.

  10. Azale says:

    Amit, what you wrote is very poetic, wise, and helpful. Thank you!

  11. Samia says:

    Hey Amanda and hello to everyone else as well
    firstly i agree with Tom.he is right.people today are selfish. thats all.
    they take you for granted.if you’re there for them, they ignore you, find excuses.and if you’re not there for them they’ll just find someone else.there’s no such thing as loyalty.
    the same happened with me.i moved to another city n was totally devastated by that.my life changed.it was horrible.but my best friend had decided from the moment i left that this long distance friendship isnt going to work.maybe irene is right in saying that theres an issue with me.i agree.i was too pushy.it felt like i was forcing her to talk to me.i must tel you all that i even accept my mistake.i used to taunt her alot.one of the reasons we’re not friends now.but my only question is:if i was there for her when she needed me,couldnt she be there for me too?if i could overlook a mistake or a flaw just because she’s my friend.couldnt she do the same?the answer is no.like tom said.selfishness.ability to hurt people delibrately without any regret.
    now im back in the same country.we met a couple of times at a mutual friends party.she behaves as if nothing ever happened.not angry not sad.even fine if i ignore her.she’s found another friend.and the worst thing is i still expect from her.i still expect that one day maybe she’ll realise.im an idiot i know.but cant help it.
    the thing is my biggest flaw is that i taunt people.ive improved alot since a couple of years but still i do it and i know it.another question is that if this is the only flaw in me,im caring,sensitive and il do anything for my friends and people i love.so why do people always have to point out this one flaw?even when they know im trying hard to not do it.if anyone has the answer id love to know :)

  12. TAWNEY says:

    I have no friends because they all are screwed up and i won’t join in the reindeer games. Like my granny always said to me- trust no man not even your brother whom has hair one color and mustache another.

  13. linda says:

    i alway been a caring person and like being with others, what i find with people is that if you dont do as there do, the friendship ends. i always was kicked or abused by the people i made friends with, not all of them but some, as long as i went along with want there wanted i was there friend.
    i had three or four good friend one 33year and still going.
    i now dont expect much form other still treat them nice even when i know that that there are not being nice to me. i find that no matter what i golng to be myself

  14. sabah says:

    hello
    i really felt like you are speaking to me in this post , because i’m having the same problem as you are. I’m 20 years old , and i was trying to make friends all my life ,but always screw up. i’m a very nice person , and i approciate friends when i find them , and always i’m the one who calls to meet , to study or anything . But after that …nothing ! And they meet behind my back and don’t tell me.
    i had these two best friends , i fought with one , but i kept my friendship with the other one , but suddenly they started to meet and always stuck together , and i found my self the only one who calls , or go to her … i felt so upset and lonely but this is the way it is , and i knew that they never being my friends in the first place . so get over it and approciate your self. Someday you and I will finally find someone who really and truely cares.

  15. Lalita says:

    I saw an article in the NY Times that was about people who intentionally look to live with roommates because of loneliness.

    The article is here: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/17/realestate/sharing-a-new-york-apartment-by-choice.html?ref=realestate

    I think it’s worthwhile to think and pray about that as a possible solution to loneliness. There are also communal living organizations where you can live with like-minded people: http://www.ic.org/the-fellowship-for-intentional-community/

    Getting over loneliness is a lot of work; you have to open and vulnerable, take chances on invitations and put yourself out there.

    • Johna says:

      This is really not a solution. Loneliness is not resolved by just moving in with a bunch of other bodies. Not everybody is good company and most people here describe people that have treated them poorly. Loneliness might be the healthy response to a sick society where human beings have invented a lot of social fluff to have to never ever get involved with one another at an emotional level. If you’re lonely it doesn’t always mean you’re the one that is the problem. It’s natural to suffer when you’re lonely because we humans are social creatures. Is our superficial society, where everyone collects friends on Facebook but where most people don’t have any in real life, not to blame for the loneliness epidemic? The healthy response to such a superficial culture where human contact is diminished to a like on Facebook is the feeling that something is sorely missing from your life: real human connection, real friends. Loneliness is a problem in western culture. It’s not in other cultures. For people to move in together, you need to share the same values, have some level of emotional maturity, like each other, and be committed to making it work, otherwise you’ll be in for a rough ride. If 50% of couples divorce, how likely is it that social experiments like this are going to work? Our culture values winning, competition, getting ahead and self-centeredness. Now you throw a bunch of people who grew up with these values together because they’re lonely. If people can’t even get along in a marriage, this type of communal living circumstance with total strangers is even harder.

      • Jen says:

        You’re right sometimes I feel even more lonely surrounded by people. I just don’t feel a real connection to anyone. Everything is so superficial, and very few people have the decency to be honest with themselves and others. I think they’re afraid of the truth. They’re afraid of being alone. I’m not afraid of being alone. As a matter of fact I’m starting to really like it. Give it a chance-it gets better.

  16. Buzz Malone says:

    It sounds like she does have friends just not the way she wants it to be. The first thing I noticed was she dump her friends when she younger but now she learn that it was little things. There are people who love having friends that initiate things. She is probably give signals that she wants to maintain control.

  17. Ben Kelly says:

    I’ve got no friends and I love it because I know nobody will ever use and abuse me again. I’ll be a friend to others though. I had a real friend once but he died in the Australian Special Forces. I had a girlfriend for 3 months when I was 31 and her name was Amanda! No, it is pretty lonely. :( Just silence.

  18. Missy says:

    I think Tom’s post was fantastic and cut through a lot of the fat. I just wanted to add that after finding this wonderful blog it occurred to me how everyone who has posted/read posts sought out as a seeker to find someone that captures their experience in order to put words to it: myself included.
    That alone (I would like to think) separates us from the folks Tom mentioned in his post. Those folks are disconnected on so many levels: from their truth (what is going on that makes them say they are busy?) and many from their own lives. I’d like to think that all of us far and wide could meet in another day and age before technology became such an obstacle because connecting was more natural and genuine. Yes, having 1000 facebook contacts are contacts NOT friends. Folks are “busy” opting many times to bullshit about who said what on facebook instead of connecting over dinner with someone like Tom. Hence, clearly I don’t do Facebook.

    Now, for those of us “in touch” with the pain of having to be left with loneliness and that raw sense of vulnerability while Navigating our marriages, lives etc we know enough to know Facebook is not the connection we seek but instead that thing that is born out of human contact. We’ve opted to even seek a connection here versus connecting to the disconnect.

    I wish you all well as I have learned much from your posts!

    Missy

  19. Tom says:

    Irene,

    I was doing some internet research about family and friends who don’t care or seem to not communicate the same way I do.

    This past year, with both friends and family, I am realizing I am just DIFFERENT and in life, folks are just plain RUDE.

    You see, I am not oblivious to how we live our lives in this hustle-bustle, slaves to work, busy families, internet and social media and tech driven world we live in these days. Matter of fact, after being in the military and having more time on my hands, I can see that my life is not the same as many others.

    One thing I can definitely tell you is people these days make EXCUSES for why they don’t communicate properly and timely, as well as, they make excuses for why they don’t have time for why they can’t hang out stating the BIG LIE…….I AM BUSY.

    What does “I am busy mean?” It really is translated as “You are not a priority to me right now and I don’t have time for you in my life.”

    Why do people, family, friends, coworkers, etc.. constantly make excuses as to why they can’t hang out, why they don’t return texts or calls, why do they always say “I am busy.”

    It’s because as humans, we are LAZY and SELFISH and unless it benefits us personally, most of us don’t go out of our way to show LOVE or SELFLESS SERVICE (Doing things for others without expecting anything in return).

    Now, think about this, really, think hard.

    1) If you want a flower to grow, what do you do? WATER IT.

    2) You can’t love anyone else, until you love yourself first

    So, these #1 and #2 above, what do they have to do with anything? Well, most relationships fail due to LACK OF COMMUNICATION…..just as flowers die without adequate water.

    If folks don’t communicate properly, timely, and effectively, then the person receiving or not receiving the message feels hurt, not loved, or the biggest, like they are not a priority to the other person.

    Whether its our mom, brother, husband or wife, kids, etc… when our friends or loved ones don’t take an interest in us or talk to us right, they we automatically feel left out and like they don’t care.

    But, as aforementioned, in this crazy social tech world that runs fast, we forget that ones family, spouse, kids, or work usually are the priority, not our friends and vice verse.

    So, HOW DO WE COPE? We use what is called the DIRECT APPROACH. It worked when analazying bad guys in the military or trying to get info., so just be straight forward and if the person REALLY CARES, they will 1) Listen, 2) Show empathy and compassion, and 3) They will try to make the relationship work and fix what might be broken.

    If they don’t, then you keep it moving, find new friends, leave that family member alone and if it’s your wife or husband, you talk it out and MAKE IT WORK.

    Everyone else, you don’t chase after, you don’t do all the work, make them work too and care and if they are too freakin’ lazy or constantly makes excuses as being busy, LET THEM GO…..

    The 2nd point above, we have to make time for ourselves, first and foremost. Whether it’s prayer time, meditation time, exercise time, reading time, etc…. if we put our God and ourself first, then our spouse, then family, then friends, it will workout.

    Lastly, learn to keep some things private and don’t put yourself out there or make yourself available all the time. Stop calling for say a month or so and write down who reaches out. Let others invite you to things and if they don’t, don’t hang out with them anymore, focus on yourself and family and be happy with that.

    If friends are true friends, they will MAKE TIME FOR YOU….if not, they were never really a friend.

    • Suzie says:

      EXCELLENT post, Tom- one of the best I’ve ever read on this site! And of course I agree with everything you said, 100%. :)

    • Peggy says:

      What great advise, thank you!

    • Anya says:

      I am so glad I read this post.I fully understand everything you’re saying, it makes sense. Totally agree with you’re quote “If friends are true friends”, they will make time for you, if not, they were never really a friend.” I am going through the relationship where if I don’t pursue things or initiate conversation I am excluded from my group of friends. I have to be the one to organise things or else I am left out. Personally I’, in my late 30′s and too old to put up with this nonsense. I am now focusing on those who I love and love me back, my family, my children, my husband. All else can be lost I don’t care anymore.Effort was put in to my friendships and if they don’t accept me then they are not worth it and not important in my life.I am really caring and not a in your face type person and yet this is what friends do to you!!!

      • Sandra says:

        This is exactly what I am going through. I am a generous and giving person to a fault and if I ask for a little ‘help’ I’m ignored. I have never treated people the way some people have treated me. I’m now putting my efforts solely into my family and two good friends who are equally giving!

      • Elle says:

        Anya, at least you have your husband and children. For some us who are single, it’s worse. And having no friends or little social interaction is damaging and not easy to deal with on a day to day basis. I feel I am caring and respectful…yet do not get that reciprocated from many. Whatever..will focus on the 2 friends I do have. Quality over quantity.

    • Laura says:

      This is so true, because I’m having a really complicated mess with my past “friends”, they didn’t bother clearing up with me what exactly happen even after I told them. They didn’t bother asking, talking or showing any concern what so ever to how I was doing. Sadly this sounds a little egoistical, but well that’s what it is, a showing of reciprocation between two of you, a give and take. Well, I tried salvaging, but to no avail, nothing. So I’m moving on, and seeing if I could make close friends again, that are really true friends.

    • Julie says:

      So true Tom. Believe and follow the Lord, and he will make sure our family and friends are true, REAL friends and nourishing to our souls. :) There is no mistake about that.

    • mary says:

      Tom, you have the best advice. Really helped to uplift me.

  20. Becky Jones says:

    I am Becky Jones by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address dr.okorospelltemple01@ gmail. com, have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr. Okoro. His email: dr.okorospelltemple01@ gmail. com

    Dr. OKORO NUMBER: +2348110496023

    • Suzie says:

      This is beyond ridiculous- is there any way that posts like these can go right to spam so they aren’t even displayed?

  21. Ron says:

    Wow I feel the very same way, having no friends, and I am a 59 year old man. I just don’t understand why I have no friends, I try to be friendly and acceptable but I think there is just something about my personality that drives them away. I am not necessarily the smartest cookie in the jar but neither am I dumb or stupid. I have tried to diagnose and pay attention to others reactions but not really sure just what is causing this state of loneliness. I was married for almost 25 years but that was 9 years ago and I have a terrible time meeting women because I don’t want to deal with rejection and all the pain that goes with a breakup or just not being accepted. I just recently lost a lady friend because of jealousy and anger and very negative responses to her and another person. I don’t like being by myself all the time but have just come to accept it as the way I will live my life out till the day I die physically. I say it that way because I feel like I die everyday because of just being alone and having no close relationships. Is there any help for some one like me as old as I am I would truly love to have a another woman in my life, I just don’t know how to go about doing it.
    Thank you for reading this.
    Ron

    • brigit says:

      Hi Ron,
      Just read your reply on here.You sound like a good man..am just like you and can definitely relate.i try being nice to people.i have a really good heart but for some reason no one really wants to be deep with me in terms of frienship..its like i make all the effort and get nothing in return.And sometimesbeen alone can be so depressing and health wise damaging.How wish you were more closer to my age range,maybe we could get to know each other better.(Am 31 by the way).
      Anyways best of luck with the rest of your life and you can always email me anytime. Brigit from london.

    • Elle says:

      Tom, very well said. and I agree wholeheartedly. Some people are “users”…and they are toxic. So, if those people are “too busy”…great. Leave it at that. And Tom is right, our family and our kids should be our priority. However, when your family ties are not super strong, friendships become that much more important, as all of us need a strong support group. I have a motto…in order to have a friend, One needs to know how to BE a friend. Why would someone have no friends? OK, I will shed light here. I recently met with woman through a meetup.com event. She and I had great conversations, was extroverted, and enjoyed going out. It started out very light, easy breezy from the start. However, as time revealed…we spent more time, and she confided she had a conflict with various people, from other Meetup.com events, and some of which I knew on the surface. She had conflicts with both men and women…whom she spoke negatively about or mocked them somehow. Keep in mind, this woman is in her early 50′s. Regardless…eventually and recently, she has come across very abrupt and confrontational towards me…in a public venue at which point, I sent her a text letting her know her behavior was inappropriate, and that I do not appreciate how she came across. But perhaps it’s just her nature and demeanor. But yes, I have witnessed her speaking with others in front of me…and they subtlely excuse themselves…and move away from her. I am going to do the same. People oftentimes, are not able to see themselves. She is the common denominator here…and I am now convinced that the reason she is excluded from social events and people don’t include her in Meetups is because she can be rude. She needs to respect people. That’s why some of us don’t have any friends. I have very few…but the 2 friends I do have are respectful and supportive.

    • Elle says:

      Ron, you are not alone. And being 59 yrs old…is not necessarily why? Age is not a factor. As you can read from Brigit who is 31. I am 46, a healthy and happy person as well…and I would say I am positive, and social..but that hasn’t translated in having many friendships that are solid and long term either. I am respectful, and very reliable and supportive, but also have hard time, keeping friends and meeting others. I still try, through Meetup.com When you get older, the opportunities to meet others are more limited…especially if you are not working…although the people where I work seem to be standoffish and to themselves. I live in NYC…one would think it’s very populated…but people are plugged into their cells or music…and seem to be very disconnected…it’s quite impersonal for my taste. Do not fret Ron. PLenty of us feel lonely as you are…people with good intentions are not easy to find, but worth our time/effort. In terms of meeting a woman as a romantic interest..you should work on overcoming your shyness…and step outside your comfort zone. Do your part, put yourself out there, and make the effort. Rejection is part of pursuing ANY relationship or connection. I don’t enjoy flying solo all the time either, but have learned to accept it too. I have 2 very close friends, but we don’t see each other often. But they are great girlfriends, who are there for me, they don’t go out much, but that’s OK, they are high-quality people who are genuine. Today, that’s a rare gem to find! You can always email me.

  22. steven sanchez says:

    That is so true

  23. Shane says:

    Hello Amanda,

    Don’t be so hard on yourself thinking there’s something wrong with you.
    Some people are complete assholes and still they got friends who accept them for who and what they truly are.
    If people don’t like you, they never will no matter what you do… even if you change yourself to please them.

    Move on and find people who will appreciate you.

    And don’t forget to appreciate your own value. :)

    God bless…

    • Amit Kumar Sahoo says:

      Hi,

      Don’t worry friends if you don’t have friends! You have come alone and go alone. Nobody will accompany you when you die. Being alone kind of instills courage and confidence in you to do everything yourselves and to face the world. So just conquer over every place you are at, by the power of being alone.

      Amit Kumar Sahoo

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