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Ask the Friendship Doctor

Why would someone have no friends?

There are a host of reasons why some people have no friends…and it is more common than you might think.

QUESTION

Hi there,

I am so happy to have found your blog! I have a problem that has been ongoing for my entire life, pretty much. I have no friends. Well, let me restate that: I have no friends who keep in touch without me doing all the effort and even then it is spotty! I am 35 years old.

A little history, in case it is applicable to my current problem: in middle school, I had a very close best friend but she dumped me, which was really tough. Then, in high school and into college I had some best friends that I ended up dumping abruptly over the littlest thing, which I have since realized was due to trust issues that I have worked through now. So why can’t I keep friends?

I have a group of three friends whom I have known since I was about 21. They don’t call me or email me really, but if I email and rally everyone for a get together we have fun… but then nothing. And I hear from them that they have gotten together in the meantime. I don’t get it- what is wrong with me?

Around the neighborhood I chat, make meals for the new moms, etc. but then nothing. And the other moms get together without me. I have female cousins who are really great, we have fun when we are together—but they never call or ask me to get together. It always has to be me.

The fact that this is a pattern in all my female friendships troubles me and makes me think that I am doing something wrong, but I don’t know what. I am a caring person and go out of my way to ask people about their lives when I am having conversations. My therapist has said that there is nothing wrong with having to be the one to always initiate a get together, but then I see my others who have a group of close friends who get together and really support each other, and I wonder, why not me?

I am an only child and sometimes just feel very alone. Other times I feel okay with having no friends. But all in all, I wish it were different. Do you have any advice for me?

Signed,
Amanda

ANSWER

Hi Amanda,

Ouch! It sounds like you feel like you’re a pariah. It’s impossible to guess why your friendships don’t “stick” and there’s no uptake by others but the problem seems to be a pattern rather than a one-time occurrence—and something you want to change.

Can you self-identify your specific problem (s)? Here are some of the possibilities why people don’t have close reciprocal relationships with friends. I’m sure other readers will add to the list.

Temperament – Are you shy and uncomfortable around people? This can make people around you feel uncomfortable too.

Insecurity - Do you feel like you can’t measure up to the people you want as friends? Are you able to trust other people? These may be barriers that create distance between you and your friends.

Preference – Are you introverted? When push comes to shove, do you actually prefer being alone rather than spending time with friends? Do you think people know this when they’re around you? Or, are you extraordinarily social—so preoccupied with making lots of acquaintances that you lose out on making close friendships?

Psychological Issues – Do you have a history of difficulty establishing intimate relationships with others? Are you uncomfortable with people knowing the real you?

Lack of Experience – Regardless of age, some people lack the skills needed to make and maintain friendships. Do you think you have what it takes to be a good friend?

Situational Obstacles – Do you live in a geographical area where it is particularly difficult to connect with people? This might include living someplace rural where there are few people or because of a history of frequent moves, being someplace where you feel like an outsider.

Disabilities – Do you have a mental or physical disability? Unfortunately, because of stigma, people shun individuals with mental or physical disabilities. In addition, being homebound can limit the opportunity to make friends.

Personality – Is there something about you that others find grating? Are you too needy? Too pushy? Too talkative? Too controlling? Are you fiercely independent—wanting to call all the shots regarding what, when and where? Sometimes, there is something off-putting about a person’s behavior and the individual lacks awareness of the problem.

Communication Style - Do you respond to your friend’s overtures as well as initiate contact? Are you available on line or by phone, depending on your friend’s preferred mode of communication.

Time Management Problems – Do you have a hard time juggling all the responsibilities and demands placed on you? Do you consider making time for friends selfish or frivolous?

Unrealistic expectations – Have you led your friends to believe that you will always do the organizing? Do you have an unrealistic, romanticized notion of friendship? Do you expect all friendships to be perfect and last forever?

Talking to an objective third party is a good way to gain insight into something you can’t figure out about yourself. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a therapist; it could be your spouse, a sibling, or someone else you trust.

Since you are already in therapy, perhaps this list will provide a useful starting point to explore various possibilities with your therapist. I agree that something is amiss given the scenario you have described and your desire for more reciprocal friendships.

Hope this is helpful.

Warm regards,
Irene


Prior blog posts that touch upon having no friends:

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Category: HAVING NO FRIENDS

Comments (3,365)

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  1. Darlene says:

    The c word is also pretty harsh….

  2. Ayesha says:

    Hi

    I too face the same problems till date. When I was in school, my best friends dumped me. They never initiated a conversation and it had always been me. Back in college, same things happened. Initially I was not willing to open up and make friends. As days passed, people volunteered to befriend me. When I started to gain hope and trust them, they dumped me. I was totally shattered. I had not one to speak with. I felt so lonely. Then I started to speak with myself. If I have issues, I will think of it as my friend’s issues and try to arrive at a conclusion. I started developing lots of hobbies to make myself busy and engaged through out the day. It helps me to some extent. But deep down am all hurt and damaged, because am lonely and I have no one to speak with when am in need. When am totally depressed, I write whatever comes to my mind in a piece of paper and tear it with all anguish and hatred and irritation I feel. I feel relaxed after doing it. I thought I will share this and someone somewhere may get benefited by this.

    • Darlene says:

      Ayesha, I am so sorry you are in this situation! Is there a trusted person in your life who knows you (maybe a family friend or family member)? They may be able to give you some feedback. You sound like someone people find approachable, but maybe something happens after that, or maybe it has nothing to do with you.

      Also, it may be worth talking to a counsellor, that can be a huge help, especially if you feel like this is a problem you don’t know how to approach. There is also a lot of great advice on the various parts of this site. Hang in there and don’t lose hope, okay?

    • Darlene says:

      PS: I forgot to mention that it sounds like you are a good friend to yourself.

    • Margo says:

      Hi Ayesha,
      I can relate to your feelings. It’s so hard to put yourself out there and try to make friends again after you’ve been dumped or betrayed. When it happens repeatedly, I feel like each time just validates all my insecurities from past incidents that I worked hard to overcome just to befriend that person. Then makes things even harder for me.

      I’ve had a series of incidents since the first one in high school. In recent years I’ve been the subject of gossip at work by people I considered like family. People very skilled at being two-faced and basically lying. It became a really toxic environment for me.

      Because I’m really hard on myself, it’s important for me to remember the other person spreading rumors, ignoring me, being rude, betraying my confidences, etc. chose to behave poorly instead of handling conflicts or issues honestly and maturely. I try to not do those things and be the bigger person. (And sometimes I’m successful ;)

      It still hurts deeply and I beat myself up for being weird, annoying, flaky, needy. I beat myself up for having ADHD! isn’t that silly? I can’t even help how that makes me! I feel very alone right now and depressed.

      Anyway, i’ll try your suggestions with writing.

    • Tammy McC says:

      Hello loners!!! I too have been in and around friends, with and without groups. I know what you are saying. Some people function very well on their own. And I believe that others pick up on that sense and know that you aren’t dependent on their actions. I’ve tried many different approaches to maintaining friends, but usually my bottom line is amount of time and so often these friends are engaged in activities that are not very good use of my time. I raised a son, alone for 14 years and had to work to support us. That doesn’t leave much social time when your plate is filled with the daily tasks that must be done. I used that time to be with my son and focus on his needs and prepare him for a bright future. And you know what? It worked. He’s 36 and very independent, secure, lots of “friends” and a great education for good employment. So much for the man I would have married who wanted to drink and party, and not take parenting seriously. I reaped all the love of this wonderous child who grew up to have such useful values.
      Don’t be too concerned about no friends. I am very choosy who I let into my life, since some people aren’t very good choices. And I write my sediments, and usually leave it in a spiral until one day I read it and think, wow, I was pretty miffed then. And usually destroy it. You got to let it go somehow.
      Best of everything to your efforts and future. TJMc

  3. Joyce Sisters says:

    I have a very simple exercise for everyone here complaining and asking why they have no friends. I want all of you to go back and re-read your posts and comments and look for the pattern of mind-blowing self-absorption, a deeply flawed sense of self-perception (“But aw, shucks, I’m such a swell person”), and the victim mindset. Read your own words aloud to yourselves, folks, and think about how you REALLY sound to other people: needy, whiny, resentful, victimized, arrogant, self-absorbed. It’s all about “me” or “I”. All you seem to do is dump your misery onto other people while at the same time blaming and resenting other people for not wanting to be around you. You don’t need a PhD in Psychology to figure this one out, folks. People want to be around positive, life-affirming people, not whiners who complain that no one likes them.

    • Deleary M. Tremens says:

      Thanks for the encouraging words!

      • free speech then i have says:

        Encouraging words from a fucking abuser who uses hurtful words that puts people down. Fuck you Joyce Sister and Irene S. Levine. You are just as an equally abusive person allowing this post and I Will use my free speech and first amendment right to post on here.

        • Darlene says:

          Pretty sure freedom of speech comes with some responsibility…like not using the c word. If you want to disagree, do so like a regular human being. Also, you aren’t mad at Terri, below, pay attention to who you are replying to.

    • Terri says:

      What a witch you are. I thought I told it like it was. You see no pity party from me, so stop generalizing. You have a lot of nerve, coming on here with your disgusting, horrible, negative attitude telling others that is their problem. What if your comments pushed someone on the edge just far enough that they did something to themselves or someone else? You need to take your abusive, know-it-all attitude and never come back here again. And one question for you…..what the hell did you come on here for? This blog says, “Why Would Someone Have No Friends”. You must not have many friends to be on here to begin with. Normal, well-adjusted people with a multitude of friends usually don’t find themselves posting on boards like this. They’re too busy out having fun with their friends.

    • Darlene says:

      Joyce, your message is really harsh! You are also lumping everyone on this blog into one self pitying package. Not cool….

      There are all kinds of folks here including some who are struggling with severe depression. Your words could very well further beat a person in that situation down.

      I am all for calling people out on their bs and am also not a fan of self pity, but there are lots of reasons why a person could be here, including abuse. Try to remember that and I would suggest addressing individuals if you have a point to make, don’t paint everyone with the same brush.

    • Margo says:

      Joyce
      I’m only one person and every single person here has their own story and struggles, as does every single person on the planet.

      But I have NO victim mentality. I have my own problems I’m working through and I’m trying to grow as a person. I don’t need some stranger condescending to me that I’m flawed, needy, arrogant, miserable. You’re just being mean; and to people you don’t even know. That’s messed up. You might have a few problems of your own that would be a better focus for your attention.

      You don’t seem to be here to be constructive, so stop reading if it annoys you and go bully somewhere else. Or go bully nobody.

    • Amy F says:

      Hi Joyce,
      I think the exercise you suggested is a good one. Sometimes when we’re depressed, frustrated, insecure and feel left out, we do feel like victims. Reading back posts out loud is a great way to hear how we might sound to other people. For me, I take feedback better when it’s direct and balanced. I bet some people are reacting harshly because there’s not a lot of balance of encouragement in your comment. I agree that people want to be around “positive, life-affirming people, not whiners who complain that no one likes them.” If you said “many” or “a lot of” people, that might give you better results.
      Some people will read your post and say, that doesn’t apply to me, and move on. Sometimes people react defensively to comments that hit a little too close to home, which is why balance is helpful. Maybe those are words they’ve heard from parents or spouses. Maybe they’re words they’ve said to themselves. Maybe they just disagree. When I read or hear something and have a strong negative reaction, it’s usually because there’s some truth in their words for me. If I’m not able to hear what I perceive as criticism at the time, I’m often able to recall the suggestion at a later time, when I’m feeling less defensive.
      Just some food for thought.
      I love your name, BTW. I used to read Dr. Joyce Brothers in Good Housekeeping every month.

      • Terri says:

        Amy,

        I think it’s ridiculous that you would come on here and have anything positive to say to Joyce after she came on here and said such mean-spirited things to pretty much everyone on this blog. Telling her that it’s fine to say what she did if she could just balance it out a little with some positive is the same as supporting her contention that we are all pathetic losers. It’s people like Joyce that make it hard for some people to express themselves, have an outlet, get support and in general, feel better about themselves in a “place” like this blog, as C.J. alluded to. You should know, and I’ve said it repeatedly on here, that I do not necessarily identify completely with the majority of people on this blog, because I choose not to have many friends myself. IT’S MY CHOICE, because I don’t really appreciate how most people are self-centered, self-absorbed, self-involved, etc. However, I still have compassion for those here that really want friends and have trouble making and keeping them. I do call people out on their b.s. as well. But I am in no way needy, whiney, victimized or self-absorbed and I resent the implication that because I post here, I am. And you, Amy, supporting Joyce’s right to come on here and make people feel like crap, is almost as bad as her doing it. Instead of wasting your time with someone as horrible as Joyce, why don’t you put your efforts into supporting some of the people on here that are asking for help. And you’re not a psychoanalyst, so stop acting like one, especially for someone like Joyce.

        • Terri says:

          Oh and one more thing if I didn’t make it obvious, just because we take exception to the meanness that is Joyce, it DOES NOT mean we identify in any way with what she said. So, miss me with that crap.

    • C.j says:

      Listen Joyce, you are putting everyone here in the same basket here and disregarding people’s experiences. In all fairness Joyce that is a complete load of sh*t.

    • Amanda says:

      Came to check in a second time since a month ago. I’m not the Amanda that posted the topic. I went over what was on that list of possibilities and I don’t think I care about having a lot of friends after all. I mean check this Joyce chick out. I have friends long distance and a couple locally that I see a few times a month. I have a habit of breaking plans feeling pressure to spend hours bored. I feel suffocated at other peoples home not able to do what I want. Like eat out of my fridge, watch t.v. I want, sit at my computer, talk on phone to somebody else more interesting. I had one friend on 12 years drive an hour to visit a couple nights with her boyfriend and felt so smothered I left my car with them and stayed with my boyfriend at that time the next night. It seems like if you start spending too much time with someone it becomes assumed I want to regularly. I had one friend totally crazy and never boring because of it. She and I always were together and she hung herself a couple years ago. I haven’t cared much since and I think I assumed I wasn’t happy but never mind..I have patience but the deal is people disrespectful like the one before this; I only get mean if I care what they think.

    • Astralwolf37 says:

      Ragehate all you want, guys, but I think Joyce makes a point, despite the abrasive, “tough love” tone. I don’t think she was trying to be a bully. The reason people look for friends is so they can have someone to relax with and can have a good time with. A lot of these posts do come off as emotionally needy and carry a certain victim card about them, and people can sniff that from a mile away. People want a drinking buddy, not a psychotherapy client.

      Take it from someone who’s been dropped by A LOT of friends over the years. When you get to be an inconvenience, people go and find someone more “fun.” Friendship isn’t the rock-solid lifelong pact our fiction portrays it as. I’ve been dropped because my interests changed, because I said something to hurt someone’s feelings, because I don’t drink, because I changed religions, because we didn’t go to the same school anymore and ran out of things to talk about, because of a boy and because our personalities didn’t mesh. I’ve also has emotionally unstable, victim card sorts try to befriend me. They’re vampires.

      People want someone who is fun and who they perceive to be like them. You either fix your emotional issues, learn to be by yourself or search long and hard for someone like you (in my case, it’s always a long search). Ideally, try all three.

      • Darlene says:

        I agree with some of what you say Astralwolf, you make your point well. When I first read Joyce’s post, the first bit sounded useful. We can all use a reality check at times. She lost me in her tone and her choice of words, though, they come off (intentionally or not) as derisive and angry. It also got me thinking of the folks here battling more serious problems. For the the few here who seem to blame others for all of their problems, her message could have been very helpful if she had found a way not to sound like she was looking down her nose at people here and generalizing so much.

        She definitely got a discussion going, didn’t she?

      • Terri says:

        Ragehate??? LOL. No, not really. I think you are probably Joyce. Because no one in their right mind could defend her words. But it’s pretty easy to make up many names and come on a blog and post whatever you want. Like support for the reprehensible??? If you aren’t Joyce, I feel even more sorry for you because you think the mean things she posted about those that post here, is ok. Just because you’re cynical, it doesn’t mean you have to say people posting here are desperate or needy, or however you describe it. If you think the posts here are so needy, etc., why not just go somewhere else where the people that post are on your level…..whatever that is.

    • Terri says:

      Happy now, Joyce? smh

  4. Rayne says:

    Hi there… I haven’t read ALL the comments… but I did read the main article.

    My background was a little different. I never had problems making friends in Primary School, High School or at College. I had a great social life. But I did feel very lonely in it despite all the people around me. Then one day a very special person walked into my life and I realised it’s really not about the quantity of friends…but the quality of the friendship you get.

    Unfortunately… people have become fickle (to all those wondering why your friendship is not good enough even though you put in the extreme effort.) I’ve seen good friendships die along the way because “you no longer have anything to offer” which is awful as I believe that is not what friendship is about. I feel it has a lot to do with the gratifying nature of social media and people consistently being taught that there is better…look for better (meanwhile completely overlooking the best that they already have)

    If I look back on my special relationships in school. The ones I remember most, were the ones who listened, stood by me (even when I would have deserted myself) and allowed me to give as much as they gave. It’s not easy finding that kind of friendship as I don’t think parents teach those qualities to their kids anymore (who eventually become grown people lacking the basic skills of friendships)

    What I’m trying to say I guess is that whether you have 100 friends… or none… most people are very lonely and that is because we no longer CONNECT to the people around us on a foundation level. We don’t want to spend time nurturing relationships or incubating them inf fear of what may happen when the egg hatches… will it leave us for “greener grass” or will it be true to the friendship?

    On another note, I have to mention that when my life started changing for the better many of my “friends” were not so happy (mostly because I no longer took part in the things they took part in. I wouldn’t make them feel good about the bad things they were doing anymore and I wouldn’t spend my time talking about useless and inconsequential nonsense anymore.) I lost MANY friends and I was much happier for it. I love having people around me and I am a people’s person but I HAD to be truthful to myself and once I understood that I just did not have time or energy for the small talk friendships then and then only could I foster the more important, connected friendships that gave my life meaning.

    I hope it helps you to see it from another angle (^^_,) There is NEVER just one path leading to your destination. If one of those paths is blocked, put your back into it, if that doesn’t help, double back and find another path. BUT never stop looking. I believe we sabotage our own happiness by giving up or giving in. Keep up the good fight*

  5. bellyfat says:

    Do you have a history of difficulty establishing intimate relationships with others? Are you uncomfortable with people knowing the real you?

    • An Angel with a Lost Soul says:

      High School was horrible being skinny, very young looking with braces and a late bloomer. I looked like I entered junior high when I graduated. I was ignored when I tried to make friends or was being bullied and still have a crooked elbow when someone shoved me down in the hall and shattered it. I did not have a car so how could I make friends or date. Girls never gave me the time of day. I was a virgin in high school while others bragged about losing their virginity. I went to three high schools and was raised people are a passing moment in your life so I knew these people meant nothing to me so, I don’t think high school had anything to do with my foundation not making any friends today.

      I thought when I went off to college the people I would meet would be my friends for life. That end up not being the case. During college, and a few years afterwards, I was always the planner, the initiator, the creator who picking up the phone and got people together. I was the Life of the party. But I never got anything in return. In contrast, to this day, I go out and people gravitate to me. Strangers come up to me on streets for directions and I am not from the area. I have a lot of energy and have always stood out in the crowd. I have lived all over the United States and I have people come up to me all the time think they know me from somewhere or I look like someone famous. I have moved around a lot and I made efforts to stay in touch with people and they weren’t interested. Was the coast of a long distance call? I made them. When I was in one long term relationship, my girlfriend never made attempts to make friends. I invite her to do things with a group and she never contribute munch to the conversation and too quiet for my gregarious nature.

      Most of my life I have worked nights and weekends and not meeting people because, my age group was getting married and having families or getting divorced with those set of problems that they did not stay in touch. I have learn when you have drama and serious life issues, you find out who your friends are. As the song goes, know one knows you when you are down and out. When I was young, it was important that I fit in and be loved. Then I came to a point in my life I realized who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. There’s a reason why these people from my past did not make it to my future. No loss for something I did not have in the first place. I realize that it’s more important to be myself and be loved for who I am even if it’s by less people or no people at all.

      When facebook came along, I had people befriend me and I would not want their superficial friendship. I would tell them it has been over 20 – 25 plus years and where were you in my time of need? There was no need to forge an old friendship after all these years when we have nothing in common, geographical distance and they still made no effort to rebuild a friendship when I was still doing the initiating. I have no time for B.S. and have no patience and I won’t make the effort anymore. Anyone who tries to befriend me, I blow them off. I like the fact I come and go as I please and learn to survive and depend on myself.

  6. Art Nerd says:

    At first I couldn’t make friends because I was bullied, it made me very shy and reserved and damaged me for years. Then once I started college I decided to try again at making friends. I had been told a few times by classmates that they didn’t talk to me because they felt I thought I was too cool for them. I tried extra hard to be more social, I would talk to everyone in the room, however I still never really made friends. They would say they want to hang out but when I say “yeah, lets hang out sometime soon just let me know when you want to, I’m always free!” they never follow up on it. Now that I finished school I don’t talk to anyone at all.

    I’ve also had a lot of people act like they want to be friends, but quickly I realized they only talk to me because they want more than friendship. I’ve had people ask me on dates pretty often or bluntly ask me to have be their friend with benefits because that’s all they want from me. Then once they realize I’m not going to do it they stop talking to me as if they never knew me. It hurts a lot, but I guess it hurts them more.

    It’s weird that even though these two reasons I can’t make friends make it sound like I should have a high self-esteem, it’s actually extremely low and I still don’t understand why I can’t make friends after I tried so hard to make it work.

    • Darlene says:

      Hi Art Nerd,

      First, kudos to you for all your efforts, seriously. It takes guts to put yourself out there and try like you have. You are on the right track, saying hi and being friendly is a critical first step. Finding people you can relate to is also very important.

      I suspect that your main problem is in delivery. For example, you may be sending the message that you are needy, you could be talking too much, too much about yourself. Things like that, maybe you can ask someone you trust for some feedback? Thankfully, how you interact with people is a behaviour, and very modifiable. If you are feeling depressed, or your self esteem needs help, talk to a therapist, if you are comfortable doing so, there are also some great books out there on both self esteem as well as social skills.

      I suspect being bullied did a number on your self confidence and you missed out on developing some social skills. This can be changed :). All the best to you!

      • Darlene says:

        PS: check out on this site, top, green button, Mingle on the Forums, there is a recent topic there: why does everyone want to be acquaintances, started by Jared, there are some amazing, insightful posts in that topic that may really be applicable to you.

    • C.j says:

      Join the club man. I was bullied as a kid too, and that wrecked my self esteem, caused social anxiety and depression. Things I still deal with now. I don’t have much of a social life, myself. At least people wanted to be your friend, asked you out on dates, or wanted to be friends with benefits. You know those things have rarely ever happened to me? You sound pretty lucky. It sounds like others are making the effort, but you are turning them down.

  7. Mike says:

    Some people just can’t make friends, and that’s all there is to it. I live in an area where the winters are seven months long, and the daily snowfall is measured in feet, not inches. I can’t move because I am disabled and live below the poverty line (most disability will ever give anyone is $11,000 a year…that’s enough to live on?) Because I can’t leave the house, I get ridiculed in the online circles of “friends” that I have as “boring” and “creepy.” So that’s why people don’t have friends. Doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out.

    • John D. says:

      Yup, its not fair but it is life. Everyone deserves a real friend. I can pray that things improve for you. I’m sorry I can’t do more. I used to be able bodied and positive but all the negative people got me destroyed in body and mind. Maybe your being away from these yahoo’s keeps you from harm.

    • Montana S. says:

      Well to be honest it sounds like you are hanging around the wrong venues online. There are a lot of people looking for a friend that’s “boring and creepy” someone out of the box they can just relax and hang out with, without having to be active aside from coming over to enjoy each other’s company. I imagine you would be especially popular with an introvert since you innately aren’t going to be stealing from their energy well spring, and they might be looking for a reason to get out of the house and visit someone low-key. Of course the trick is finding an introvert and being kind enough to poke your head through their shell and befriend them (they will usually return your effort 10 fold, though just perhaps not very often).

      To meet introverts you would have to be hanging out(online or otherwise) somewhere “not social” but where people are still doing things. And be behaving completely as yourself, they will instantly notice any fakeness or ungenuineness and promptly remove you from their radar. They want deep meaningful friendships that are worth putting their energy into.

      It helps a lot of you have a shared “weird” interest that common people aren’t interested in and you are VERY enthusiastic about it (I.e. You always loved bugs and spend a great deal of time studying about them online even though you are home bound now).

      You usually won’t find introverts on socializing platforms, though they will be lurking on them, saying something out of the box or being say, on a forum for a weird and peculiar interest is likely to garner their attention and you increase the likelihood of finding one…. Then you have to become friends baring an instant first meeting bond(those usually only occur in person though, due to compatibility being gauge-able at first glance/smell/touch/peculiar bonding moment. “WAIT you LOVE garlic coated strawberries dipped in avocado with drizzled with maple syrup TOO?!”)

      Good luck to you!

  8. John D. says:

    I grew up believing in God, country, church, and family. I grew up wanting to be a service to all. I grew up thinking people were good and honorable. I am now poor, disabled, friendless, and helpless with no family to fall back on at all. I am loved by God this I know and because of this those who bless me will get blessings and those who curse me will be cursed. This is a biblical principal.
    I believed in my family and they helped to destroy me. I believed in my Church community and they disowned me and marginalized me. I believed in Government and it hurt my children and marginalized me.
    Now I am without significant others, friends, and family, and I was told by others it must be my fault. They can’t tell me what I did.
    Its my fault for believing in the goodness of people. That was my downfall.
    For that I am hated and marginalized. I get treated like garbage by all, and all who I love are hurt.
    The Bible lets me know all that those who do me harm as a believer are under God’s curse. So, so far, 99.9999999999% of everyone I have come in contact with is cursed by God. May God have pity on them even though they would not have pity on me.

    • John D. says:

      To all those out there. I am alone and with no hope, and as of today I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!

      • John D. says:

        [EDITED BY MODERATOR FOR INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE]

        You don’t tell folks having a hard time finding friends or significant others they just don’t measure up so they aren’t entitled.

        Maybe she’s not qualified to give a good answer instead of all those having a hard time finding friends just being not good enough or wrong somehow.

        As a qualifier, I give up on all of you as people, because this is the drivel you write to each other, and it is evil!!!!!

      • Terri says:

        John, I know that I said some things below that might have seemed harsh but I want you to know that there are good people out here. Even if you haven’t encountered any. I promise you that. Some people won’t care that you are disabled or poor or even angry. I hope you don’t give up hope. I reacted to some of the things you are saying about others. Not everyone deserves to be cursed. Not everyone is evil. You need to give anyone who reaches out to you a chance because if they were evil, they wouldn’t be reaching out to you. Even on here. I hope you come back and let us know that you are ok. Take care of yourself.

    • Cindy says:

      John,

      I’m so sorry you feel this way. One of the things we learn in life is people really are very self-centered and will do what’s in their best interest. There are way more users than decent people, at least that’s been my experience. But here’s the good news… Be kind anyway. Your light of kindness will draw other likeminded people to you. Don’t ever give up being the wonderful person you are because the world needs more like you.

      • Petal says:

        Cindy, that is a lovely reply. You are a nice person.

        • Terri says:

          He doesn’t have a “light of kindness”, at least not one I can sense. And I don’t see the wonderful person he is either. All I see is someone extremely bitter and a bit hateful. Everyone has negative things happen to them. I won’t even go into detail. But, not everyone lets their negative experiences define them. Not everyone decides that all people are evil and deserve to be cursed. This is not a normal reaction to “life”. I don’t see the good that Cindy sees…..but to each their own I guess.

          • Terri says:

            And can someone please tell me how the world needs more people like him when he wants all people (well, sorry…99.999999%) of us to be cursed???

            • John D. says:

              I don’t want people to be cursed. If you read the comment I said I am a Christian so whoever curses me is cursed whoever blesses me is blessed. I pray that the curse be lifted on peeps like you Terri. I just want to be able to be accepted enough to be able to do good. My peeps I have met are almost 100% bad, that doesn’t mean that is the norm or that I want bad things to happen to bad people. On the contrary, I want bad people to change into good and be blessed.

              As for needing to change who I am or anyone else to change who they are to be loved by people is just plain wrong. That is why I am stepping back and giving up. I don’t have a way to do good for anyone any more or be important to anyone. I have no resources from being hurt, poor health, and I have nobody that takes what I have to say as important. I am seen as having to have something wrong with me. I can’t reach folks at that level with no resources or even with them.

          • John D. says:

            I don’t have to show current light except to say that I am hurt and still want to do well and am frustrated. Your comments and others like you that require peeps to change to be loved are something I was venting about.

            • Terri says:

              I certainly never said you should change. I possibly misinterpreted your words, thinking that you were saying the majority of people should be cursed because they are evil….in a nutshell. What you have just written is completely understandable and when stated in a calm manner, as you have just done, is not lost on me and probably others because of the anger displayed in your previous posts. I am truly sorry that you have not met anyone who treats you with respect and kindness. Everyone deserves that. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t able bodied, or if you are poor, or whatever else you’ve got going on. I don’t judge people by what they have or how much they can do….I judge them from what is in their heart and I was finally able to see your heart in your last two posts. Some have said on here, that it’s all in the delivery. Maybe there’s something to that. Keep looking John D. Don’t give up. I promise you there are good people out there.

            • Darlene says:

              John, not sure if you were referring to me in your statement that people are required to change to be loved. In case it is, not in a million years would I ever suggest that a person change who they are, not ever. But if a person is, for example, talking to people in an offensive way, however unintended, they are still offending people. It’s the delivery, or message, that I’m referring to.

              • Terri says:

                Hi Darlene,

                I have come to understand your posts, but if you want another perspective on this issue, there are times, (for example, your response to Art Nerd) that you do tend to suggest that people should modify their behavior if they want to be accepted or get along with others. You do it a lot. You can say that you don’t mean people should change, but when you suggest they change their delivery, message or behavior, that is suggesting they change who they are because in reality, who we are IS how we behave. JMHO.

                • Darlene says:

                  Thanks for your honesty, Terri. I hadn’t thought about it that way, I tend to separate those things, myself, which is obvious, I guess. If that’s true, what’s the best way for people to help themselves? Am really interested in your opinion, not defensive or anything :).

                • Darlene says:

                  Terri, hope I haven’t put you on the spot, I can be a tab over-enthusiastic about things at times. :). I gave what you said some serious thought and I can see how you are right, behaviour can be part of who a person is, or even how a person feels at that moment in time.

                  In my case, because of my family history, in dealing with so much dysfunction I missed out on gaining a lot of social skills. So, instead of expressing who I really am to others, I became, instead, someone else, someone quite negative.

                  In getting to a better place, I worked on my emotional issues at the same time as I began to try and gain social skills that I was missing. The irony is that as I gained social skills and stopped driving people away in droves, people started to want to get to know me more, which helped with my self esteem.

                  In some ways, I turned that part of my life into a bit of a project, trying to figure out what was wrong and fix it where I could. And most of what I fixed was my behaviour, but that changed how I presented myself to the world.

                  But…and here is the deep philosophical part of it…by changing my behaviour, did I in fact, uncover who I really am? I think so, as I don’t think I was born sad and unsure of myself. Is a deep subject, to be sure and everyone has a different story.

                  If I have offended anyone by suggesting they change, I am sorry! Thanks for your input, Terri.

                  • Terri says:

                    Well, I can tell you that you have not offended me. As for your suggestions on how people can help themselves, I don’t disagree with many things that you say. I was simply letting you know that from my perspective, you do suggest people change to some extent in order to be able to either help themselves or make/keep friends. Everyone has a right to their own opinion on how this can be accomplished. I’m sure the things you have done to help yourself would undoubtedly help others. Perhaps with others, it would take something entirely different. Who knows. Again, all I was doing was responding to your message to John in which you said you would never suggest someone change who they are. The thing I like most about you is your ability to step back and consider the way others perceive the things you say. I have a harder time with that though in cases where I feel I’m too harsh, or even completely wrong, I’m the first to apologize or say that I’m wrong. Sometimes I feel as if you’re the therapist on this particular blog. I don’t know if that is your intention or not. Just a little more insight. And oh, I’m not likely to try to help others help themselves. I’m more likely to call people out on their b.s. and sometimes share my experiences and opinions about my own life and how I identify (or not) with others that post their stories. I don’t think I’m qualified to help anyone else figure out what is wrong with them for the most part. If I knew, I wouldn’t even be here

                    • Darlene says:

                      Funny, I definitely don’t think of myself as a therapist. :). Probably more of a person with a unique perspective on this and an over abundance of enthusiasm at times. No matter what I say, I respect that each person here is the best judge of the path that is right for them.

                      Thanks for your comment, I try to consider other people’s opinions. I also value the no BS approach, there was a lot of fakeness and backstabbing in my past, no good comes of it. Honesty is not always easy to hear, but there is real value in it.

                      I have pondered why I’m here and I guess, aside from wanting to contribute, I’ve learned so much here. More than I can say. Both keep me coming back….

      • Karen Christensen says:

        I totally agree. I have yet to find a decent person, besides my immmediate family. People that I encounter always in the end turn out to be not what I thought they were.

        • Darlene says:

          I have been there Karen and John, it may not sound like it, but I have and I do understand. I am sorry that the people you have met have not been kind. You have no reason to believe me, I realize, but there are a lot of wonderful people out there. It is worth trying to find them.

          John, when I finally learned to like myself and to forgive others, I found myself in the position of being able to show people who I truly am, not the sad, defensive, insecure me, but the funny, quirky and kind me. I think that’s the essence of what I mean by the messages people give others. When a person is in a bad place, the message about who they really are gets lost.

          I’m glad you’re back, John, this blog has a lot to offer and I am glad you helped me and others understand where you are coming from.

          • Margo says:

            I also feel I’ve lost my positive, happy, likeable self after a lifetime of betrayals, gossip, stabs in the back, kicks to the stomach, rejection, etc. I’m a (overly?) sensitive introvert struggling with anxiety and major depression, and have allowed the world to make me cynical, pessimistic, grumpy and just not fun to be around, I’m sure. I definitely don’t trust people. My health, job, and relationships all suffer.

            The problem, I see, is that now it’s a terrible cycle I’ve allowed myself to become a part of. I have to take responsibility for the fact that I’ve given these people who hurt me a great deal of control over my mind and my life, and I am not great friend material at this point. I hate the person I’ve become, which perpetuates my depression and insecurities. I feel determined to find my old self and bring her back to life. I know she still exists, and I know I have so much to offer others if I can get myself straight. But changing myself back is proving to be unbelievably difficult.

            Darlene, thank you for your words. I find them just the kind of encouragement I need.

            • Darlene says:

              You are welcome, Margo. I truly wish you the very best!

              • Terri says:

                See, your experiences/suggestions are very helpful to some people.

                  • Terri says:

                    Can’t comment on your remarks to me above so I’ll do it here. It’s good that if you get something out of the blog, that you keep coming back, especially if you can learn from others on here. It was disappointing when you left because I didn’t think you should allow anyone/anything to run you off. I just didn’t understand, since as you say, you have in many ways “fixed” yourself and you have great friends now, why you even wanted to come here. Now I see it really is to help others and that is admirable. :)

                    • Darlene says:

                      Thanks Terri, I think back to when I started all of this, what a help it would have been to talk to someone who had been there and figured some of this stuff out. Mostly, it would have been great to get some encouragement at that time in my life! Anyhow, this site has a lot to offer lots of people.

            • Darlene says:

              PS Margo: I needed to forgive myself, too, for my mistakes, for believing what some of the dysfunction people in my life had said or done to me. It really helped me to do that. That happy, likeable person inside you just needs some encouragement to show herself more often. :)

              I’ve found that there is also a good cycle, not just a terrible cycle, good feeds on good as well!

        • jacob Eagleshield says:

          I really do understand your point Ms. Christensen.
          It isn’t that I have no friends at all,but my circle of friends is very small,and that is by choice.
          A friend,a REAL friend,is someone who would jump in front of a bus for you,and for whom you would do the same.
          That puts the number of people I would trust with my life to those I can count on one hand.
          As for family,there are those family members,I would not trust as far as I could toss a loogie

          • Terri says:

            I’m not jumping in front of a bus for anyone. I’ll pull them back, but I won’t go in their place. Does that make me a bad friend or family member? I don’t think so. Self preservation is our number one most important instinct. The person you can count on most in this world is yourself obviously. I understand this is probably just an analogy, but I’m not on board with it. LOL.

            On another note, you are very lucky Jacob is you have a handful of friends who you would jump in front of a bus for and vice versa. Very lucky. I’m surprised you’re even posting here since most of the people that post here seem to not be able to find that kind of friendship with anyone. What brings you here?

            On the other hand, I’m with you. My lack of friends is my own choice as well. I have a best friend I’d do most anything for (not jump in front of a bus for though :) ), a boyfriend who is everything to me and a couple of other friends that I do consider friends, but not like my best friend and I’m fine with this. I don’t need or want a bunch of fake ass people in my life who put nothing into the relationship.

    • Lin says:

      Perhaps your problem is that you believe that anyone who does you harm is “cursed”. This is very judgmental. Perhaps you are cursed for thinking they are “cursed”. This is nonsensical. Start believing that things happen because YOU make it happen. You don’t get to wish away those who don’t like you. They exist, and chances are nothing bad will happen to them. You need a more positive outlook on life. If someone doesn’t like you – that is that. MOVE ON…don’t sit back thinking about bad things that should happen to them because you think they will be cursed. That is bizarre/delusional thinking. Are you really so self involved that you someone not being nice to you deserves cursing??! You do not have a healthy way of thinking. I suggest you do some research on being responsible for YOUR actions, and not placing the blame upon any religious figure to make you what do ok. YOU make your life what it is. YOU need to take responsibility.

      • Darlene says:

        I agree with Lin. I am sorry for the hurts John has suffered, but it isn’t fair, or appropriate for him to blame the world for that.

        One thing that therapy teaches is that with when a person takes responsibility for their own life, they gain tremendous personal power.

        I’m trying not to generalize, as I’ve come to understand that there are bigger obstacles to moving forward for some, than others. Things like severe depression and anxiety for instance. That has to be very hard.

        Barring those more serious problems, I will share something I learned last night. I met a retired psychologist, a woman who had had a successful thirty year clinical practice. Of the many things we chatted about, she shared that she estimated that fifty percent of her former patients came to her wanting to change. She said that her biggest challenge was to encouraging her patients to take up the tools she was teaching them and change their lives for the better.

        She also shared that there is a real victim mentality out there, something she had to work hard to help her patients overcome. When it came to friends, she, like Dr Irene, felt that most of the obstacles were social skills and the messages people give others. She said that, when people decided to move forward, it was tremendously rewarding to watch them progress and make better lives for themselves.

        She struck me as a very compassionate person, it was an interesting conversation….

        • Terri says:

          And I agree with you both. John is way too angry. I mean, with the attitude that he has, how does he expect to make friends or be someone anyone wants to talk to, be around, etc. I would hate for him to be so “down” that he would take action that would harm anyone, including himself, but his posts are very troubling to me. As far as the whole “curse” thing…..wow. That’s all I have to say about that.

          • JRT says:

            While John D has issues. what strikes me its always the people that complain at fault rather than the people that do not want to know them..people and society are so ready not to admit sometimes they treat people badly. While its true some have issues that make it hard for them to socialise and make friends. Terri do you know John well enough to say this i think not why cant you accept society can be to blame for making people like this ?

            Personally i have plenty of reason to be as bitter as him but i am not and this is soley based on how badly i have been treated by people over the last couple of years and which i know is in no way any fault of mine.

            • Terri says:

              I’m not saying that those that treat him and you and whoever else has this issue badly are not to blame for his/your bitterness. I’m only saying that to say people are cursed or should be cursed by God for the way they treat him and that this is 99.99999% of the people in the world, is a little unreasonable and a little strange. John was saying things that were extremely hostile and I was reacting to what he said, not his situation. I think anyone that treats anyone else badly, especially without cause, is a lousy person and I wouldn’t want anything to do with them, but not everyone is bad. For some reason some people seem to attract only that type person and then it’s time for them to ask themselves why that is.

        • John D. says:

          OK, I suppose this proves my point that I cannot befriend those who need me to be someone else, since I hoped for nobody to be cursed , but the opposite. I said they were cursed because that is what the Bible says, and I prayed for that to be removed. I am frustrated by this and give up on the world around me, since I am not allowed to help it. That is what I said and I am clarifying that statement. I stand by that statement until I can see a way to influence and befriend people in a positive way.

          Yes, I vented, and am frustrated and angry at the situation, but that is my problem to deal with not yours.

          • Darlene says:

            John, when you vent, especially if it appears to be directed at others, you do make it other people’s problem. I realize now what you meant, but you didn’t originally state it that way.

  9. Katie says:

    I find myself with “friends” but none that I feel extremely close to, or comfortable around. This is always how I have felt and I don’t know why. I am a extrovert, but I am beginning to think that is the problem. As soon as something comes to my mind I say it, no filter. It’s not on purpose, I have literally walked into a quiet place or a classroom thinking I won’t say nothing today, but I am just not wired that way it doesn’t work. Maybe I am just destined to not be close to people.

    • Terri says:

      That’s exactly how I am.

    • John D. says:

      Hey, its OK. Consider yourself lucky to even have acquaintances in this day and age of the me world. You are blessed and loved by God at least

    • Darlene says:

      I used to be that person with the bad knack of saying exactly the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time, Took me years to finally pry my foot out of my mouth. IMO, a filter is simply a form of situational awareness. If you focus more on others and who they are and what their circumstances are, the filter comes. Practice really, for me at least. Although there is nothing wrong with spontaneity at times. :)

  10. Darlene says:

    An update on the woman I mentioned on January 30. She was the woman who was putting a few people off by talking about herself too much, let’s call her Sandra.

    A different friend was visiting our house today, she also knows Sandra. This friend was mentioning wanting to do a long backpacking trip to a certain place this summer. I happened to know that Sandra wanted to do the same trip and the two of them are friends. I mentioned that she should contact Sandra about the trip but she declined.

    She explained that she couldn’t go with Sandra because Sandra turns everything everyone else says into a story about herself and that it would be far too intense to deal with for that long. She was not mean at all about it, just factual, but I understood. A week with only a few people in rough terrain is far different than a quick coffee with a group of people.

    I was sad for Sandra, because this is a lost opportunity for her, a chance to enjoy a beautiful trip with capable companions, all because she can’t as my other friend eloquently put it “listen and honour what other people are saying”.

    I am sharing this because it’s a direct example of how a perfectly nice, good person can distance herself from others. Not because she isn’t friend worthy, but because she can’t be in the moment long enough to honour what others are saying.

  11. Jim says:

    I think, oddly enough, it is HARDER for interesting people to make friends than plain people. Think about it. Plain people will almost never say anything disruptive, they’ll never disagree, nothing will command their interest or anger. They will be agreeable, and unobjectionable. This kind of person will find a ton a friends, but he / she will be DULL!!!!! Ponder the possibility that one can’t find friends because the vast majority of people are DULL!!!!, and you are not! If you try to befriend these dullards, YOUR interesting, deep, fact-based, unusual, sometimes hard to limn qualities will be exactly what MOST people do NOT want! They want safe, agreeable, as in always agree with me or else dullards as their friends. BORING!!! Keep going until you find someone who is interesting, and, more importantly, WANTS the interesting, off-beat, hard to figure out wonder that YOU are!!!

    • Terri says:

      Very, very intelligent and articulate Jim. Ah, the dreaded “agreeableness” trait. The need for affiliation. I do not have this affliction. I would say I am the person you describe that people DO NOT want to be a good friend to. You may have come up with the reason why. Cool!

    • Jen says:

      Nicely put, Jim, you may be onto something…

    • Darlene says:

      I would like to offer a bit of a counter point, Jim. I have been described as a red neck, NONE of my interests are mainstream for a woman and my sense of humour could only be described as edgy urban, which is odd for a middle aged woman. Yet, I have no problem making friends and really nice, interesting ones at that.

      You can be yourself and still connect with people, is what I’m trying to say. However, I like to think of that saying “my right to swing my fist ends where it comes in contact with someone’s face”. The same goes with the rougher edges of a persons personality, it is worth smoothing things a little bit, so people aren’t put off and may try to get to know the interesting, unique you.

      Worked for me…and none of my friends could remotely be described as dull. :)

    • Ti says:

      Ya know, Jim, you are spot-on. I know this is my problem because I can’t stand small talk and boring discussions about dinner, nails, TV shows, etc. I am a deep, spiritual person who wants to find others of like-mind who want to change the world rather than complain about it. Trouble is, people like that are so few and far between. I have trouble keeping up with small talk. It doesn’t help that my partner rebukes me for being that way, either. Thanks for your encouraging words!

  12. Clare Cloud says:

    Thank you for this reply Irene – your answer speaks directly to me :-D. We all get different skills to deal with the outside world from our parents and environment. I think one of the things to remember is to not beat yourself up about having no friends. To treat yourself like your friend. There are more people on this planet without ‘friends’ than with them and the ones with them are not necessarily having the best time!
    Valerie’s answer from the 8th Feb 2015 is spot on.

    • Terri says:

      I don’t agree that more people “do not” have friends than the opposite. I find that most people do have friends. Or at least people they call “friend”.

  13. Mia says:

    My problem would be the opposite. I seem to be the one refusing the friendship. Simply because I can stand their sh*t but they can’t stand mine, and I don’t want to be their toilet.
    I have one collage always complain about anything, whenever we talk she would rant and rant…
    And when I have too much stress in my head that I had to let out to someone, she said I was annoying and she wasn’t interested in whatever I had to say.
    Another one would never call back if she has a misscall from me, and would reply to my sms hours later when she has nothing to do, or would forget all together. I did assume she was busy. And never made a big deal out of it.
    Yet she got angry when I had something in hand and couldn’t reply to her sms instantly.
    I understand everyone has their own problem and could be bothering in some way. Sometimes we have to tolerate others because we’re friends. I’m not perfect, neither do others. I understand that, why can’t they?
    I wish a human could survive without having others around. Unfortunately it’s impossible in a society.

    • Lovey says:

      Hi Mia,

      I completely understand what you are saying. Been there, suffered that! You are there as a sounding board for these people, then you have one bad day and they freak out. As if you aren’t allowed to vent and ask for support once in a while. The more I learn about navigating friendships, the more I wonder if how we get started affects the future of the relationship.

      Maybe you are like me and just don’t feel like complaining about every little thing all the time. So when we do speak up with something negative, it comes as a shock to the other person and they don’t know how to or don’t want to deal with it. If our roles as listener and complainer are defined early on in the relationship, then if makes me wonder if the whole friendship would have never taken off at all if it had been more equal in the beginning.

      • Darlene says:

        Lovey, I think you have a real point about roles, at least with some people. For some, if you break out of that role, there can be some real pushback.

        I think the trick is to identify those people who operate that way, and set the expectations of equality early on. For other people, you won’t have to do that. But for those who would actually vent on you for doing something they do regularly themselves, not sure if there are any good ways to deal with that. I’ve had a few friendships like that, they tend not to end well. But, I’d you really like other things about them, always worth talking it over to see if an understanding can be reached.

        There are lots of folks who aren’t like that, they tend to be people who are easy to be with, not judgemental, kind and both share and enjoy others sharing. They are some of the best kind of people!

    • Terri says:

      I have similar issues in that my having few friends is really my choice. I could have friends if I didn’t find most people to be narcissistic, self-centered (at the risk of being redundant), uncaring and untrustworthy. Sad, but true. I’m not into one-sided friendships. Did that for far too long and I’m done with that so I get you both.

      • Mia says:

        One told me that this usually happen to “boring” people, who is quite, shy, untalkative…That others don’t really want them around but also don’t want to push them away, because it wouldn’t look nice. They sugar coat it as being polite, like you can’t ignore a cowoker just because she doesn’t talk much. At the end of the day, it’s simply just that they want those “boring people” to be around in case they need to use them.

        I’m starting to believe this.

        • Terri says:

          I don’t believe that. I’m anything but boring. LOL. When you think negatively about yourself, your self-esteem suffers. That’s what’s happening to you right now judging from this last post. When having friends, or not is your choice, it’s under your control. If you want a bunch of friends and it’s not happening, you have to find out what you are doing that is off putting to others and try to fix it, if what you want are friends. People that use others have a flaw in their character. It says nothing about you and your character or your personality. The people I choose to reject as friends have character flaws I’m not willing to accept. It’s that simple. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me, though no one is perfect. Just because a person thinks more of themselves than to allow others to walk all over them, doesn’t mean they are boring.

          • Jen says:

            Thank you, Terri, for interrupting our negative self talk. I feel the same as Mia. The only reason people ever want me around is to use me. They don’t seem to enjoy my company, although I’m almost always open to converse with them. I feel like maybe I’m boring sometimes because I’m quiet and keep to myself most of the time.

            • Terri says:

              I sometimes wonder why people talk about themselves in such a demeaning way. Is it to get pity, to get help or just to vent? I suppose there’s a little of all three involved. I think most of the stuff we are talking about is “behavioral” in nature, and if it is behavioral, it can be changed. I think we first have to define our goal, then analyze what is going on in the present to stop us from reaching that goal, and lastly, take steps to correct the issues that are barriers to our getting what we truly desire. If we can do that, we won’t have to turn to message boards for the answers we seek.

            • Zachary says:

              Hi I was reading your reply to the persons post about friendships. I was just wondering. In your reply the reasons you reject some people for friendships is because of a character flaw. I am very interested in what specific types of character flaws you are referring to. Just very curious.

          • Mia says:

            Boring doesn’t mean anything is wrong, I’m not speaking for you or anyone here (since you said you aren’t boring) so I’ll use “I”, boring mean I am not really stand out from other friends and some don’t find it enjoyable spending time with me. Just like in highschool, there’s a class clown that makes everybody laugh and there’s also an emo kid that make them want to stay away.

            Like I said “boring people, who is quite, shy, untalkative…”

            I’m neither shy or emo, but untalkative and don’t have that “thing” that draw people toward me. It’s a fact and I accept it, not that I feel bad about myself. An introvert, like many would say, and I prefer to spend most time alone than with those people who don’t really want me around.

            I don’t have low self-esteem, but I have issue with people who don’t treat me the same way I treat them. Unfortunately it seems most “friends” I know do this. And that’s what I “start to believe”: people are willing to spend time with a person they find boring, just to use them and throw them away when they aren’t usefull anymore.

            • Karen says:

              Mia I totally agree with me. I am shy and am often thought of as ” boring”. Have no friends because of that. I don’t think it is negative talk- it is factual. I am a genuinely good person inside and if allowed to be someone’s friend, will be loyal and their friend for life. No one allows that because I am judged as not fun to be around and shy. Why should I change myself just for others and be someone I am not??

              • Darlene says:

                I would like to offer an opinion. There is nothing at all wrong with being shy. My husband is shy and has problems initiating contact with people. But, when he sticks it out and keeps on showing up at gatherings and trying to do a few things he feels comfortable with, over time he has gained the respect and good opinion of lots of people in our town. He isn’t gregarious, although he can be funny, and he is usually the quietest in a group, but he will do his best to participate and he has quietly and slowly made friends in his own way.

                Being shy can make it a slower process to connect….but, if a person opens up a bit and shows who they really are, this does not have to be a bad thing, because it isn’t.

                • Laura says:

                  I completely agree, Darlene! Shy people take longer to get to know but it’s usually worth it! Once they open up, you know they really trust you.

                  The only drawback I can see is that shy can easily be misinterpreted as aloof or disinterest. I have incorrectly thought that about a shy person before.

                  • Darlene says:

                    That’s true, Laura, so I think that if shy people can find a way to open up even a little bit here and there, most people will realize that they are shy, not aloof. With my husband, simply showing up at volunteer events, always willing to help, has made it clear he is shy, not disinterested. A smile here and there, or a quiet word will convey that, too. My experience is that most people are very tolerant of shy people, probably because we all have shy moments. :)

                    • Laura says:

                      That’s so true, Darlene. I’m outgoing but do have the occasional shy momment. I think eye contact and smiling go along way for all of us, shy or not.

                    • Joe says:

                      I was always shy growing up. People used to comment that I don’t talk much until I get to know them, then lookout.
                      I had a girl I liked when I was younger who thought I was stuck-up because I didn’t talk much..Little did she know it was because I had a crush on her and was intimidated by her beauty. I’m not shy anymore. But I think that is just because after a couple of recent life experiences I do not care what people think anymore. I started supporting myself 100% at 14. it was cool then because I had a license and a car. but then life happened and I was too shy to figure out how to navigate my way through it. I moved so much that keeping friends was not an easy task. I’ve always had very few friends and have never fit in with my siblings. reading all your comments has intrigued me. I guess I’ve never had a lot of friends at any given time, but over time I’ve had many. Must be a case of being desensitized or just used to navigating my world by myself to the point I never thought about how many friends I have or didn’t have. . Ive dated a lot but found that once we started having expectations it was not as much fun. (3-4 months). Ive had girls ask if I was worried about growing old and being alone. but I never have. its the opposite of someone who has someone their entire life then they pass away. the adjustments and not knowing how to be alone makes it very hard, I tried a relationship and it was the opposite of that, trying to adjust to someone suddenly being there all the time has the same, but opposite affect
                      should I be wondering what is wrong with me about now? because I’m feeling nothing like that at all.
                      The only time I think I’ve ever really thought about a relationship or friends is when I’ve had more serious difficulties in my life. Geez, now I am trying to remember if I’ve ever gotten closer to someone during those times which would be selfish wouldn’t it? I do not know how I came about this site tonight but it has me doing a lot of reflecting…

                    • Lisa says:

                      I really relate to what you are saying Joe. I find when I am in a relationship I am unhappy and feel relieved when it ends and I can be on my own again. I do miss having someone around sometimes but like to be free to ‘navigate my world by myself’ as you say. I fear not being able to make my own choices about the way I want to live my life because I have made a commitment to someone to keep being the person I was when they met me.

                      I too have had many friends but find that my friendships are rarely long term. They always end. I do not like having people cling to me and although I like to listen and be there for my friends I have never understood the need to go to other people for advice or for a shoulder to cry on.

                      I have currently hit a period in my life where so many of my friendships have ended and no new ones have begun that I have begun to reflect on why I am the way I am. I do miss and see how important it is to have people around to share beautiful things in life with. To share recognition of good music or have a conversation and relate to someone that feels the same way as you do about something.

                      I feel I have had to be strong in life and have had to be strong alone at certain times and that I have just continued my life in that mind-set. Now as I have reached my 30’s I am getting older and do not feel as invincible I am now just starting to understand the need for other people.

                      I also feel I have had a romantic notion in the past that friends should be people that you agree with about most things and have a lot in common with and so have not cared too much about letting people go thinking that I would eventually meet people that were right for me and settle into a nice group of friends like you see on tv. Now I realise that that wherever people are involved there is always unpredictability, they will always make mistakes as I will and that I cannot judge a whole person by one thing they say or do or I may miss out on getting to know someone really interesting and special. I have not quite mastered the art of putting this into practice yet.

                    • Darlene says:

                      Hi Joe and Lisa,

                      There isn’t anything wrong with not needing very many friends, with wanting to conduct your life in your own way. But, if that is becoming something you wish to change, you can.

                      I would suggest a bit of a compromise. On your part, open up a bit and allow others in while choosing carefully those people you befriend. I have a number of good friends, who are very self sufficient and don’t need me in their back pocket for support. Yes, we are there for each other but the friendship feels easy and is based quite a bit on activities. I’m honestly not interested anymore in intense friendships where all is shared, myself. Too draining. :)

                      There can be all kinds of friends, I would suggest befriending some of these more low maintenance types. :)

              • Mella says:

                Karen, I’m the same way and agree with everything you said. We shouldn’t have to change how we are, just so others will accept us. Like you, if given the opportunity I would be a loyal friend, but the problem is ppl never stick around long enough. Or it feels like I have to initiate most contact and frankly I’m not going to settle for a one-sided friendship.

                • Darlene says:

                  Hi mella, I struggle with explaining this too. Of course you should be yourself, nothing else will work anyway, no one can keep up a facade. Katty, below, may have hit on part of the issue. It my be that how a person presents themselves to the world isn’t an accurate representation of who they really are.

                  Maybe, when a person is feeling unsure, or sad, or wounded, the messages they send are such that people distance themselves? Just throwing that out there as an idea. When people feel confident, they presnt the very best of themselves, there is almost a glow around people like that, it is comfortable and easy to be around people like that.

                  Maybe I’m out in left field. :)

      • sabrina says:

        Your comment is spot on …I totally agree im 37 and have gone through all the same scenarios with friends ..and ive decided thr more trouble thn thr worth…

  14. Sam says:

    You just need to remember this. We tend to end up the person we think we deserve to be but everyone deserves better than what they think they do. So go out there and do better because you deserve it! Let go of the past, it is dangerous. Everyone wishes they could change things in their past. but thats because we learnt better from our mistakes. if we never made the mistakes then we wouldnt have changed. Just live life and be you. Life is a journey that we learn from constantly. There is a time limit on this journey so quit wasting it worrying about crap that doesnt even matter :)

      • Samantha says:

        i think A friend is someone whom we enjoy being with and feel safe with, besides our own family. We may have a loving and supportive household but we still need to make friends and maintain positive relationships with other people. but still i do have fights with i actually need a short narrative story about relationship for a assessment in school but i want to share something too

        i once was walking past the new girl in my old school and she was crying i went to see what happened but she told me nothing then a asked questions like did someone hut you or is your stomach hurting she kept replying no then she ended up crying because her father passed away and then i told her if shes ok she said yea but everyone was teasing her cause she had no father so me and my friends took her to the principals office and told our principal what happen the girl went home early and the principal called for a assembly and she yelled at the students and then the next day i saw her was after 6 weeks because she went to her fathers funral and i was sad for her then after we finished primary school she came with me to my high school and she mad new friends and me.

  15. caleb says:

    ken, sometimes you dont have to care too much on what other people think about you, as long as you are doing the right thing. you can’t carry the weight of all their thoughts, this is what makes you curl and tend to shy off. stop being too sensitive because you can never be perfect if perfect is what you think other people appreciate for friendship, besides, no one is perfect. so be yourself and stick around and they will be coming to you for you wise advices.

  16. ken says:

    yeah im 20 and im a very quiet/shy person. i try to be social but i can never start or hold a good conversation. people tend to look at me with the “your wierd” face. i spend most days alone besides when im with my gf but thats all. im glad i have her but i still feel alone. im an empath and im very intuitive. i can feel when people dont feel kindly towards me and i ALWAYS feel like that. it scares me even more and makes me curl up into my shell even more knowing and feeling peoples tention towards me. people said i look mean and serious but im actually really kind and peaceful . i just want some friends

    • katty says:

      all you can do is be yourself around people and try to smile more and say hi to them look happy and confident around them that is the secret . but if you feel good when you are not smiling alot then dont .do u get it?! be yourself .

    • C.j says:

      Same with me. Except I’m a bit older than you. I dunno I guess you could try challenging those thoughts about people not liking you or thinking you’re weird. And be more realistic. It’s probably all in your head! And you are probably thinking too hard to make conversation and that is what is making you stay quiet.

    • quesha says:

      thank you and i appreciate all the things that you all did to make me chat with you all and respect that so much

    • Karen says:

      I feel the same way. I am 43 and it is very hard to make and keep friends. I am a mother of a 7 year old and married, however long for friendships. I see others with friends and pray and wish for the sane thing for me. I just can’t seem to find the person or people that will accept me for who I am.

      • Tania says:

        Karen and Amanda,
        I feel the same way! I am 35 and I am what I am and it’s obviously not good enough! Everyone already has close friends so I just end up getting pushed aside all the time. I had a friend who I have lots in common with but she’s pushed me away now even though her friend has nothing in common with her so I just don’t get it! I’m a nice person and will do anything for a friend but I have no one! Only my husband! He’s the only one that loves me for who I am and actually wants to spend time with me! If it doesn’t work out with him I’ll have no one at all ! Not one friend! Everyone else seem to have loads of friends but not one person wants to be mine! It hurts so much! I am so alone all the time! It would be so nice to have someone in my life that I get on with! You know! To have fun with and do stuff like go for a run or iceskating or cinema or dinner or just someone! I have a sister and two brothers but I don’t get on with my sister and see my brothers sometimes but they have there own lives. I just don’t get it! Why am I that bad that not one person likes me! I know I’m an idiot when I’m drunk but I forgive others why not forgive me and I don’t even drink that much so I don’t get the issue!

        • Karen says:

          Hi Tania,

          I feel the same exact way- like what is it about me that pushes others away. I am currently going to counseling to deal with this. I am depressed and have a 7 year old, so I have to be upbeat and “normal as possible” for him. I am hopeful things will change for the better, however it has not yet.

        • Petal says:

          I feel the same way. It’s horrible to feel like you have only one “out” for a friend…for me it’s like you need some friend or relationship to be acceptable to others, to prove your status, to make you feel acceptable, and if they go, then what?

    • C.j says:

      I know what you mean about being an empath. I am kind to a fault! I just cant let anyone down or hurt anyone. I feel like a pushover and i really hate it. So when i am rude to someone or say no to someone i always feel terrible about it. I just cant be rude like other people. I dunno if it’s a shy or low self esteem thing.

      • Jen says:

        I’m like that too, C.J. I tend to be kind to a fault, where people easily take advantage of me. My friendships are usually off balance due to this problem. Forget about a chance at a relationship, that’s pretty much nonexistent, unless I want to be abused. I guess we don’t think we deserve to be treated better? Or is it just other people refuse to treat us well due to low self esteem? I try to feel good about myself, but sometimes my insecurities make me inferior. I like being kind to others, but I hate feeling like a pushover loser! I mean it could just be we are so lonely that we are willing to do anything to make someone like us, even be kind and generous to a fault. :(

        • C.j says:

          I guess it’s part of being lonely and wanting anyone to like us. As well as knowing what it is like to feel hurt and worthless. Same here – no relationships. And I’m close to 30 now. I’ve tried online dating still with no luck. I have no real friends either. I am alone and no one will even look twice at me. At least this guy has a girlfriend! I am actually jealous. I guess the main thing is to try and feel better about ourselves and try be more assertive. It is so hard, I agree!

          • Jen says:

            Yes I think we just have to try our best to be more assertive, but it’s not so easy if it’s not something we’re comfortable with. I tried online dating, and it didnt work for me either. I did meet someone on twitter I really liked. We had a short lived online relationship. Would you be interested in an online relationship? We seem to have a lot in common. Maybe we can exchange emails?

    • Marcus says:

      I understand Ken. I use to be the same way. I am very empath and intuitive myself. A way to change that is to change yourself to who you want to be. We can alter our memories and make them reality, but saying that I mean we can change ourselves. I have best friends and some good friends. All you can do is to be yourself while changing yourself the way you want to be. Try to channel your kindness and peacefulness outside yourself so people will see it. I been down this road before when I was your age (which was like maybe 4 – 5 years ago). In a way you can alter your own reality for people that can see it. It doesn’t matter what people say or do. It only matters what makes you happy. I been told I can be a jerk, but I always try my best to tell the truth and what others think of me is not always important. It only bothers you if you allow it.

      [PERSONAL INFORMATION REMOVED BY MODERATOR]

  17. Carla says:

    Hi Terri
    Have been reading all of the above and my what patience you have, I am looking to make friends as I have been very lonely over the last ten years, don’t really know what to do about it, I hate it, any ideas?

  18. Valerie Leidal says:

    Good afternoon all!
    By. Valerie
    Todoy’s society is very different than yesterday’s! Years ago we were born into a family that didn’t move around like it does today! People were born into a community, grew up in that community, married and remained in that community! Deep ties and bonds were formed between the people in that community! As time has gone on we have moved from our birth place for various reasons. Those being mostly due to lack of gainful employment! As a society of people now moving from place to place to improve their situations and have a better quality of life, we have lost all the factors that created lifelong friendships in the past! In today’s society it is far more difficult to creat the same types of bonds with people when we move around so much!
    The other problem is life in general has become exhausting! Long commutes to work,hours worked,stress,and family responsibilities! We seem to have less time to cultivate meaningful relationships like people had in the past!
    Life gets busier and busier as time goes on, and the human contact that helps us develope emotionally and compassionately, and with tolerance and appreciation is disappearing! We have become a detached civilization!
    In today’s world you are fortunate if you have 2 or 3 good friends!
    That’s my opinion anyway! Have a great day all!

    • Terri says:

      Very well said Valerie. I agree with you 100%.

    • C.j says:

      And the media controlling people’s lives, causing people to be paranoid. And more people using social media to talk to each other. People are working longer hours just so they can afford to pay the bills. Spending hours of spare time everyday glued to the tv. Kids spend more time playing with iphones, ipods etc. The news is always showing us pictures of murder and violence.

      • C.j says:

        People used to talk to their neighbours and kids used to play out in the street together. Now no one trusts anyone and just keep to themselves

        • Jen says:

          So true, CJ, everyone is at home in front of the TV and computer. Also friendships and relationships require some degree of trust. If people are unwilling to let other people into their lives, that’s why they are alone. I think it’s just best to go slow, get to know someone, and slowly build trust that way.

          • C.j says:

            Yeah so true!! Maybe that’s what is happening. And yeah I know what you mean too. Better to take things slow. Sorry if I made anyone here uncomfortable. I have just had so much time to sit around and think lately haha!

          • C.j says:

            Thank you Jen!! You are a true friend here. I thought after I commented that it just went quiet here and seems like I scared a lot of people away. (If I did I’m sorry you guys!!)

            • Terri says:

              Don’t be silly. You’ve been nothing but nice, respectful and easy to post to. You are a little tough on yourself, aren’t you? It seems for a while the board has been slower than when I first came on a month or so ago. I think so much drama was going on that it just “seemed” busier, when in reality, it was just a couple posters. You’re a nice person, don’t sweat it.

              • C.j says:

                Thanks Terri. Yeah, maybe you’re right. Just seems like it used to be really busy here with a lot of people posting. Maybe it was just Johan posting here. I found his story hard to believe at times.. Thanks for the compliments.

  19. sammy says:

    i’m a 23 year old guy,i have no friends,everone ignores me in my collage,nobody want to talk to me,when i try to talk to my classmates,they don’t wanna talk to …..what should i do,even my cousin hates me……that’s all

    • Anna says:

      Find someone who has no friends as well and marry them. You got a friend for life! Then have some kids and make even more friends! That’s what I did! Now I have a best friend and 3 beautiful baby friends! I’m so busy with all these guys I have no time for anyone else.. Not that I would rather be with anyone else anyway =)

    • Darlene says:

      Hi Sammy,

      I am sorry you are so lonely, it’s not a nice place to be. There can be lots of things people can do that make it tough to connect with others. Check out the list Irene posted above as a starting point, it’s a great place to get some ideas. I believe that most people are good and are likeable. I believe that our experiences, hurts, disappointments and the like cause us to act in ways that may keep others away.

      Chances are, your behaviour is sending messages you aren’t aware of. Try to look at this honestly and see if anything stands out. Thankfully, behaviour isn’t too hard to work with. There is some great advice on this blog, both from Irene and the people who post here. Try reading through and see if anything rings true for you.

      All the best!

    • jim says:

      I’m in the same boat. And its hard to to trust people and let them in when after you seem to open up and tell them stuff they seem to just move on.

      • Jen says:

        That’s so true, Jim. Right when you start to trust someone and open up to them, is often when you find out you shouldn’t have done so. :(

      • sharon says:

        hi jim yes you are right I have noticed exactly the same its because all to honest and would be good friends to each other but they don’t give us a chance shame sharon

  20. Mike says:

    Beginning school, I had 50-year-old, retired parents. I found most people stupid in my life. Parents, 30-year-old brothers. Their wives told me I’d never have a girlfriend. Mum was friendly with old friends, taking me out around by buggy. Strangers were hard for me. Always are. Had a huge social peak about 25. Since then, prone to dismissal in office for working by myself. Not extraverted enough. Capable in jobs, but all lost for being too quiet. I couldn’t understand that reason.

  21. Terri says:

    I have noticed that this blog has all but dried up since certain posters have been “banned” or discouraged from posting. Maybe that’s not a good thing.

    • Laura says:

      Irene is kind and compassionate, and has much patience. She runs this blog to help people.It would take a lot for her to ban anyone. I’m sure she has good reasons.

    • GraceW says:

      The forums are as active as usual. I think most people post there. Even when it slows down in there for a day or two, it always picks up again.

    • Terri says:

      I’m talking about this particular blog. Hardly anyone’s been posting. I suppose part of it is an illusion. It seemed busy because of how much only a few posters were posting. I guess, take them out of the picture and there wasn’t a whole lot else posted. As far as Dr. Irene, I realize she is patient. It seems as if when she’s done, she’s done. I feel as if she had to monitor what was said in here a lot because for a time, it was getting sort of heated. I think the source of that seems gone now, and what’s left is just someone who seems to want friends. Not me. Anyway, thanks for your point of view guys!

      • Terri says:

        Johan, this is the kind of post that makes Irene remove them. You’re being accusatory. I know how you feel but if what you want is to stick around, you should start posting about things that you see others posting about. Blend in. Ask for help about friendship, not english/grammar problems. Do you understand?

      • Amanda says:

        So I am so pissed off at this. I have read so many posts and all of you are infatuated with yourselves. I don’t even for a second want to be on the same site as all of this nonsense. I feel like I am sitting in an anger management group or something. Jeez. Thanks allot for reminding me why I don’t try hard to make girlfriends. I’m cured! I will now block the last 15 minutes out of my mind forever.

        • Darlene says:

          Hi Amanda,

          I understand why you would feel that way, but check back through older posts, this part of the blog is not usually like that…honestly. :)

        • Lovey says:

          Hi Amanda,
          Darlene is absolutely right. The last few weeks of posts are not really representative of how this blog normally is. I stopped reading too for a while because of all the drama. I hope people will continue to post kindly and on topic, because many helpful insights have been shared in the past.

  22. Vinothini says:

    What I can say is, Be happy with what you are. Happy with your family. Dont hate anyone, if they are not speaking with you. Be HAPPY, HAPPY, Happy. By seeing you happy, people(neighbors, old friends, anyone) make you as a friend. People like who has the char of jovial and down to earth, so change urself. Live happy.

    Vino..

  23. Vinothini says:

    What I can say is, Be happy with what you are. Happy with your family. Dont hate anyone, if they are not speaking with you. Be HAPPY, HAPPY, Happy. By seeing you happy, people(neighbours, old friends, anyone) makes you as a friend. People likes who has the char of jovial and down to earth, so change urself. Live happy.

    Vino..

  24. Terri says:

    Johan, Dr. Irene is a psychologist and she’s held some very important positions in the field of Psychology. She is trying to do what is best for everyone on this blog, not just a few. She must have thought our conversations were detracting from what this blog is here for. And you were having a problem stoping your personal conversations with Sharon and to some extent me. I guess there are other places for that. That is why she is blocking you. I think if you keep it to understanding why you don’t make friends easily, etc. she would allow you to post here. I can’t speak to her motives, but that’s just my feeling based on what I’m seeing. And I did create somewhere for you to post however you want, and you are not using it and either is Sharon. Makes me wonder about what your motives and those of Sharon’s as well….are.

  25. Terri says:

    Johan, who has to say goodbye and there was always a limit on how well you and I could get to know each other. Sharon and you, I can’t speak for that. But we can still communicate through the forum in the post (link) I started for you. Just use it. I don’t think anyone is posting as you either.

  26. Darlene says:

    Ps: Johan, Terri has set up a great chat area for you and Sharon in the “mingle on the forums” (green button) on the top. How’s that for a kindness? :)

  27. Darlene says:

    Johan, it is a bit unfair to say you haven’t received very much help. here. Personally, I was one of the first people to respond to you and try to help. I put a lot of time and effort into that, really! Others, like Terri, Sharon and Irene have also tried to help you out.

    What you have been seeing lately is people trying to let you know what the limits of this blog are. That is much like someone in a friendship setting a boundary. It is best to respect those limits, or boundaries.

    People have shown you kindness, Johan. Setting boundaries for the good of others trying to get their needs met on this blog is not being unkind to you, okay?

    Hang in there, this blog is still a resource for you to use to learn how to make friends.

  28. Mallory says:

    Because I belong to dark right now I worried to much I see everyone hard feelings are bad I felt bad all my friends are crying around me oh my gosh someone is in pain this is all bad I always be alone and lonely busting my tears out I never let my friends go I need everyone to hug me way tight pain in my heart I get it. Now this is not me is them fault not me never this is goodbye broken heart to pieces are everywhere I know is it I be quiet all day this is deepressed every time hard hard

    • Darlene says:

      Hey Mallory, is there anyone you can talk to in your life? I am sorry you are so sad.

    • Irene says:

      Hi Mallory,

      I’m not sure what you are saying because your note is very confused. But if you are very depressed, it’s important to reach out for help in your own community. Can you speak to a family member? If not:

      • A free 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) is available to people in crisis (or their loved ones) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are routed to local crisis centers.

      • In the UK or Ireland, Samaritans offers confidential support at 08457 90 90 90.

      Hope this helps. Darlene and Terri, thanks for flagging this.

      Best, Irene

    • C.j says:

      I know what depression is like. Dealt with it for years. It’s more than feeling sad, it makes you feel flat, alone and dead on the inside. If you need anyone to listen or understand what you’re going through, I’ve been there myself. It doesnt help when you’re in an emotional struggle and all you hear is “cheer up” or “stop being miserable” or getting nutritional tips from other people.

      • Jen says:

        Hey CJ, how’s it going? I know the feeling of depression too. It’s awful. You feel like you just want to die. Life doesn’t seem worth living because it’s full of pain. Aside from medication, exercise and diet can boost endorphins which supposedly make us feel better. The cold winter months also can make us more prone to depression. A nice cup of hot cocoa can boost endorphins. Aside from the chemical standpoint, there is little we can do to treat depression, since most is due to circumstances. A change might do some of us good.

        • C.j says:

          Hey Jen, yeah I’ve been alright. What about you? Yeah it sucks doesnt it? I’ve found medication helps except for the side effects. But lately I found exercise helps even more. But when I did it today, I just felt exhausted and fuzzy. What do you find helps? Yeah definitely! In the winter, I feel way worse and have days when I cant get out of bed. Yeah a change in circumstances might help, but I would have to do it gradually so it doesnt give me too much anxiety. It’s good to hear from you anyways. Hope you’re doing well.

          • Jen says:

            Hey CJ, trust me I know what you mean about the anxiety. Just take it slow- don’t change anything too drastically. Although sometimes we are forced to do just that. It does suck. Anyway nothing really helps me, to be honest. I just do the best I can to say in the moment. Meditation helps with that a little.

            • C.j says:

              Hey Jen, yeah you’re right. And yeah that happens too. Not much you can do about it though. Sorry to hear that, you will start feeling better with time I’m sure (I hope!). It just seems like things will never improve because of the depression. But sometimes I wonder if it’s true. Yeah meditation helps a bit but I think exercise is probably better.

      • C.j says:

        Hey Johan, you’re back. I couldnt post yesterday either, it’s weird. So is it just your email that isn’t working? Yeah you can post as anyone here, I dont use my real name. lol You’re right, I do, and I have had a couple friends in the past at school and at work years ago. But I havent had any in years since I stopped working I stayed home alone a lot and it feels like my social skills arent good. Thank you Johan, I have you and Jen here I know now. You guys have helped me a lot. Best of luck to you too.

    • C.j says:

      Sending a big hug to you, Mallory. Hope things get better for you soon. I cant really understand what you wrote, but I wish I could help more.

  29. johan says:

    hi , now im confused when it come,s to this blog . its say,s friendship blog , which implys people coming on it to make friends and get help with friendships they have , heres my issue of why im confused , if in fact its a friendship blog why cant people talk with each other , get to know each other as friends , talk together about what they feel they need too . to me that is on track of the name of this blog .i my self came on here hard hearted not having any friends , and gained some on here , i hope to forget how i felt , and just continue forward so instead of dwelling in my pain i tryed forgetting it by engaging in conversation with those i ment . is,nt that what this link is really about healing our hearts , and making friends

    • Terri says:

      Hi Johan, but when a blog gets too filled up with personal conversations, others that come on have a difficult time sifting through it all to find posts from other people that will apply to them more. You and Sharon started talking a lot about you personal lives, we got into “arguments”, etc. That isn’t what people that are looking for answers are wanting to read. Irene is right in that those types of conversations are better in private or places like Facebook where you can chat and it won’t affect anyone else. You need to set up a Facebook page that people can find. Then Sharon and whomever else you meet can look you up and join you there and you can chat until your heart’s content. Also, you can exchange other contact info if that’s what you want. This is why I suggested making up a name in which it would be easy to find you. It has to look like a real name though on FB.

      • Amanda says:

        Did you read the main topic, the girl Amanda? She has exactly the same question I had. That is what we are intended to be discussing. I don’t want friends on here. I want help so I can make and keep them in my real life. This isn’t facebook yo. Your complaining is selfish to people who are really needing to receive others opinions on the topic we CLICKED on. Just saying.

    • Irene says:

      Johan,

      The purpose of the blog is to learn the skills of friendship not to make actual friends. There are many matchmaking services and social media sites on the internet, such as Facebook and Vive, to do that. For lengthier conversations with one individual about a friendship problem, please use the Forums section of the blog.

      I have explained this before as have other posters. Thanks for your cooperation. Irene

      • Terri says:

        Johan, you don’t have to be worried about Sharon, or me or anyone. She might have decided she didn’t want to post here anymore. That’s the impression I was left with in one of her last posts. Doesn’t mean anything has happened to her. She’ll be back.

        • Irene says:

          Sharon,

          If you can post here, you can post in the Forums. Please do not put any more posts on this thread. I have asked you kindly many times.

          Thanks for your cooperation.

          Irene

      • Terri says:

        Johan, I have created a topic just for you. Go to top of this page, click on the green button that says “Mingle on the forums”. Then go down to the topics section and you will see one topic, probably at the top of the “topics” section that says “Johan, this is for you.” There, you and Sharon can chat. And it really only has to be for the two of you if you like. Or for new friends, or whatever you want. Hope that helps you.

        • Terri says:

          If you do that Johan, you might get blocked everywhere on the Friendship blog, not just here. Even in the one I created for you in the “forums.” Just let it go so you can chat with Sharon.

      • Amanda says:

        I happened upon this blog looking googling different personality types, causes for the differences, etc. I spent my high school years in military school. The kids there were my family similar to siblings. Some I hated and others I loved. BUT we were all stuck there together. All meals together, school, after school, bedtime..no tv. I keep in touch with 97 of them still on facebook and feel comfortable around all of them even if many of them rarely talk with me. Kind of like we just secretly check in. The others I’m close to I love and are great friends from other states. We all came to the one school from all over. After graduation, we all dispersed. I have a couple of people I call friends here locally but never hang out with. Back to my point. I was wondering to myself “Why am I so different from people like my sister and seemingly others here. I saw this blog and clicked on it. My name IS Amanda and I am 35 years old too. I found the list of possibilities to consider very helpful being as she doesn’t live our day to day lives and cannot give us a conclusive answer. Just the tools or guidelines to continue our search for ourselves. Thank you for the list of possibilities to consider.

  30. grown up says:

    I think its very sad that grown women can be so unkind to each other, I was looking for info on meeting new friends . Im in my 40 ‘s with a family and life gets busy. But after reading this blog. Its like Housewives of meanness!! If you can’ t say something nice , dont say anything at all. So sad. Women and men ,should boost one another. Grow up!!
    I wont be back. So post what you will. I don’t need negativity in my life.

    • Terri says:

      Well, there are other blogs. This isn’t a meet up group or social networking site. If you are here, it’s because something in your personality precludes you from being able to make/keep friends. People that post here could have some issues. Why what you see surprises you, surprises me. If you are looking for a social networking site, perhaps there are others better suited to your needs. Just a suggestion.

      • Darlene says:

        Hi Terri,

        I’d like to offer another perspective on what grown up has said. I didn’t get the impression she was looking for a social networking site. She could be looking for answers as well.

        She may have been referring to recent events when she spoke of the negativity on this blog, not so much the overall blog.

        My read on her post, for what it’s worth.

        Great idea for Johan, above!

        • Terri says:

          Hi Darlene,

          I know what she meant. I just think it’s her right to read what she wants and ignore the rest. She said she’s busy and came on here to get info on “meeting new friends.” I didn’t see anything about getting answers. I understand that some don’t like the negativity that has recently transpired. I’m not crazy about it either, especially since I was part of it. But that’s where freedom of choice comes in. And thanks, I hope Johan takes my advice and also checks out the post I created for him in the forum.

  31. johan says:

    id like to say ty to all those,s who have wrote me in this blog and the friendship u all have bestowed upon me , last night reading all ur wonderfull post i cryed of happiness its nice to know there,s good and kind people in this world and a special ty to terri and sharon .

    • Terri says:

      You’re welcome Johan.

    • sharon says:

      TO johan hope you are alright thankyou for saying I am a good friend I always will be .I don’t know mrs grown up was talking about yes there was some negitives going on but all sorted now she didn’t have to read them if she was to busy anyway ,don’t know how you get friends that way ;yea you like me soft hearted nearly cring other night you said im the same but to soft that’s all thank terri for saying about facebook that was kind of her to look it up and the forems but I don’t know how to set forams up and a different facebook page as you would use same email I think but dif name akward that but great idea let me know if you know how to do that please ,anyway yea im on the proper facebook like but that’dif anyway its been lovley talking to you and thankyou to my friends to out there and johan I have helped many people in the passed and they thanked me to but you was special and a lovley kind person to chat with I wish you luck for future takecare from sharon

      • Terri says:

        Sharon, I have created a topic just for Johan and you in the forums. Go to top of this page, click on the green button that says “Mingle on the forums”. Then go down to the topics section and you will see one topic, probably at the top of the “topics” section that says “Johan, this is for you.” There, you and Johan can chat. And it really only has to be for the two of you if you like. Or for new friends, or whatever you want. Hope that helps you.

        • sharon says:

          Thankyou so much terri for that but irenes just wrote said my email is blocked out I don’t know how to do another so I will never get to talk to anyone on here any more johan hope you are alright miss you to I was glad terri done forams for us but blocked on here and there now that’s why I haven’t been on I don’t know how I can talk to either of you now im blocked Irene as told me my email is I don’t know how to do another takecare both sharon

      • johan says:

        ooops i ment , for johan .

  32. Darlene says:

    Probably time to change the subject and talk about some issues others may have. :)

    Maybe as an icebreaker, i was volunteering last night and was working with a really nice lady. I know
    her well enough to know she has a lot going for her, she’s really active, smart and interesting. Not to mention kind.

    One thing I noticed last night is that she must have felt pretty uncomfortable about something, because she did one of the things I used to do when I was uncomfortable, she turned every conversation into something about her. She such a good person, but I could tell she was turning a few other people off. Now, we all have bad days, but is there any kind way to help her deal with this? Or maybe I should just leave well enough alone?. :) She does do this often enough, I know it is kind of working against her… Any ideas?

    • Terri says:

      I would only offer that kind of advice if she asks. Maybe she doesn’t think she has a problem. If you offer a solution someone isn’t looking for, they might take it as a criticism. At least if that situation were about me, I would feel that way. Maybe she just likes talking about herself and doesn’t find it to be a problem.

      • Darlene says:

        It’s a tough one, she’s such a nice person. Not sure how she feels in these situations, she seems pretty uncomfortable. One on one she does relax and you can see what she’s really like, she has mentioned that she would like to do better socially.

        Probably not something anyone can help her with, just helps to understand this a bit better.

        • Terri says:

          You might ask her if she feels uncomfortable and that could open the lines of communications. At that point if she admits that she is uncomfortable, you might be able to bring up your thoughts on how she behaves in social situations and how you’ve noticed that it seems to be a bit off putting to others that are around. Otherwise, she might just take it as unsolicited advice no matter your good intentions. JMHO.

          • Darlene says:

            Thanks for that, itricky situation. An opportunity may arise to discuss, otherwise, she’s a nice person and fun to talk to.

    • johan says:

      hi darlene , i know i use to be my favorite subject and was very insufferable , and never listened to others . i think u should as a friend at least try talking and being honest with ur friend . even though sometimes the truth can hurt a real friend will except the truth and thank u for it .

      • Darlene says:

        Johan, I am trying to help change the subject, maybe that will encourage others to participate with their stories, that’s all.

      • Darlene says:

        Sorry, Johan, I misread your previous post. I will give it some thought and see if a good opportunity arises to talk to my friend about this.

    • johan says:

      HI it seems on my normal email ive been nocked out of this link and if i am would like to ask why .

      • Terri says:

        Try again….sometimes the server goes down but then it goes back up again. No one would lock you out based on what you’ve posted.

      • Irene says:

        Johan,

        You have repeatedly ignored my request to stop pasting personal notes here that are not of general interest and on-topic. Thanks for your cooperation.

        Best, Irene

        • Laura says:

          Johan, please go over to the forums to chat (green button on right above). You can chat all you want on the forums. Irene works very hard trying to help people by answering their letters and she shouldn’t have to be watching the comments so closely!

  33. Terri says:

    Hi Johan, I’m here. Just been busy with school, work, etc. I am not hurt. I’d have to care much more than I do about what happens on a blog to be hurt by it. I also am not lonely. I have a great life. I just was wondering why I don’t have many friends and when I googled the subject, I found this and I started reading. I don’t think I take any of this as seriously as you and Sharon do and don’t intent to form relationships off this blog with anyone. I’m happy with the friends and life I have….it’s just curious the different reasons people have for not having many friends. I’ve come to terms with why I don’t and if I wanted to change myself to change that fact, I would. But I don’t want to. As far as the deterioration of this blog, it’s just getting worse and I don’t want to contribute to it. Irene has asked us to take this out of the blog and that’s her right. Others seem to be getting annoyed as well so I have an idea for you and Sharon. One of you should set up a Facebook page for the two of you to chat on. Make the name something very different and random so that you’ll be easy to find, for example maybe use a name like “Johnny Dogooder” or something like that and then the other one of you would search for the name and request to be added as a friend. It’s as simple as that. You don’t have to exchange info on this blog, especially if it is against the rules. But Johan, I am fine and you as I have said before, are a nice guy and we can be friends on this blog. Like I said, no hard feelings. But I feel Sharon has issues and I think I’m going to just steer clear of her. As far as this grammar and english thing, I feel ya guys, but hey….who knows where people are posting from. It’s not limited to U.S. citizens you know. If you can’t read it, don’t read it. Simple as that.

  34. TooSmart says:

    Just my 2 cents. I feel that since a while this topic is being monopolised by a couple of people, among others Johan and Sharon. Now everyone has the right to post here of course but I don’t like these back and forth conversations of just a couple of lines which are more a private chat than anything else. On top of it I get really frustrated with these posts which are full of spelling and grammar mistakes because they are very exhausting to read. Is it not possible to group some of your posts and write them first in Word so that you can correct them, and then past them here? I have nothing against the fact that some people might feel the need to carry on a more private conversation but this is not the correct place to do so.

    • johan says:

      hi , to smart , i really havent learnt proper writing yet , but i try to write as well as i can , sorry my writing seems exhausting , and for monopolizing this part of the blog , im just learning how to use this blog to go other places in it , but also in this link they won,t let us trade information to chat privately . i also just found the old comment part of this blog andnoticed i missed a lot of conversations , and i would have , and have been trying to look for way for sharon and i to carry on a conversation . have a great day

    • Brittany says:

      It’s bad form to correct other people’s spelling and grammar online. And, if you’re going to do it, you most certainly should have yours in order, which you don’t. You’re missing quite a few commas and “monopolized” is spelled with a z!

      • johan says:

        thank you brittany

        • sharon says:

          OFF-TOPIC PERSONAL MESSAGES POSTED HERE WILL BE REMOVED. PLEASE USE THE FORUMS FOR THAT. THANKS FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

          • TooSmart says:

            Brittany, I am not correcting anyone’s spelling/grammar. I am just pointing out that if there are too many language mistakes in a post, it becomes hard to read them. And no, my English is not perfect but it is also not my mother tongue. I am sure there are not too many people who write as well as I do in a second language. There are however nowhere as many mistakes in my posts than in some other posts here (and I think they come from native speakers).
            The purpose of this blog is to communicate. By writing posts with a lot of language mistakes in them, no punctuation or only capital letters, people get off reading them with lack of communication as a result.

            • Darlene says:

              I think that there is some truth in what you are saying, TooSmart. This isn’t a grammar post, so nitpicking would be rude, which I don’t think you were doing. If a post is really hard to read, though, it will either not get read (and the person won’t get heard) or people won’t understand it, with the same result. Not in anyone’s best interests, I think.

          • TooSmart says:

            Sharon, please stop writing in capital letters. It comes across as screaming.

      • Terri says:

        No, it’s not really bad form to correct someone’s grammar online if that person has asked for help. Johan has wanted this help and suggestions for how he might learn to write better. When you request help, it’s not bad form for people to oblige. Now pick apart my english.

  35. Darlene says:

    I had missed some of the exchanges that occurred when I replied to you earlier today Johan. Things got a really personal, I’m afraid. I am less sure now how Terri or Sharon feel at this point.

    Probably best to drop it and hope for the best, okay?

  36. Darlene says:

    Hi Johan,

    I can’t answer for Irene, and I wasn’t part of the conversation you are talking about. But I suspect that Terri is fine, she may well be busy or elsewhere right now, she only posted a few days ago. I’m sure she knows she is welcome here.

    As for Sharon, she is also very welcome, she has much to contribute and to gain by being here. Things just got a little off topic for awhile, that’s okay, these things happen. It takes a little while to figure out how things work and that seems to be understood now.

    Anyway, It could be that both Terri and Sharon just have a lot going on right now, give it awhile. :)

    Darlene

  37. johan says:

    hi , to all of u in this blog . i am just like all of u trying to learn how to have friendship , how to have conversations with other people , every day of my life since i changed ive gone through lots of hurt of the heart u could say heart hardneeing . but ive just wantted to try to forget about those hurts those pains and let them go , and instead try to have friendship instead of dwelling in my pain , for me i thought it was different because i dont have any friend were i live and people dont seem to like being around me ,now ive learnt i do identify with people and continue to strive to find more ways to stay positive and learn about the people i do meet , and i really thought thats what this link was really about , helping people find and get through the hardships of lonelyness and not having friends . with that i say im sorry i deverted what ever this link is really for .

    • Darlene says:

      Hi Johan,

      I have been following this blog from time to time and felt that I needed to talk to you, as we have spoken before and I’d like to offer you some encouragement.

      Johan, the reason why no one has answered your question on how to make friends and how to be with people is because no one can answer that for you. All we can do is help each other find our own answers, does that make sense?

      In my opinion, you have learned a lot. For one thing, I think your writing skills have improved a great deal and you have gained quite a bit of understanding of how to connect with others. That is real progress, it won’t happen overnight, you just have to work at it bit by bit. I think you need to be a little more patient with this. :)

      You have connected with Sharon, which is great, hopefully you can talk more over Facebook.

      Keep trying, Johan, and you will get there, okay?

      • johan says:

        hi darlene , ty for writing me and the confidents booster , i have to admit i really felt lost in this link but now im seeing to the side other things people write i identify with , and irene gave be a place to vist for advice i think will help . now i think ill on on an adventure in this link looking for help to give me better understanding of people and maybe even make more friends , i do know both sharon ,and i belong in this link ,and are only looking for the same things as every one else that come,s on here but i also know sometimes the hunger i have to do this gets in my way . ps ty again

        • Darlene says:

          The hunger you describe may make it tough to be patient at times, but that same hunger will drive you to keep trying. This is a good thing, because it will help keep you going, even at those times when you feel discouraged. :)

          Glad you are checking out the information Irene has provided.

      • Sonia says:

        Darlene…. you are a darling person. I am from a foreign country and thought women were nasty here “by culture”. Have learned a lot in a few minutes. You know, a bit of kindness would not hurt… ?(English is not my mother tongue, so do not waste time proofreading).

        • johan says:

          hi sonia , im from america , florida infact , born and raised . sometimes i feel our english is a foreign langauge , especially writing it , and just because im born here it,s still hard to meet good and kind people , but i feel i have ment good people on this blog . good luck to u .

        • Darlene says:

          Thanks Sonia! I’m from Canada, but have met lots of nice people from the States over the years.

    • Terri says:

      Hi Johan. No hard feelings. I think you know Sharon is incorrect about me. My heart was in the right place. She needs to realize that I befriended you on this blog before anyone else did and I really just tried to help you. This all got crazy, but I think you’re a nice person and really wish you the best.

      • johan says:

        awww ! ty terri , and ty for always trying to help me , yes i know ur hearts in the right place , yes were both hurt , but i also know real friends are always willing to make up . the most important part to me has always been our friendship . im still on ur side , but really i think u know it is nice to have friends that stand with u too , sharon has a wonderful heart wantting friendships like ours and the people in this link , please lets just try to move forward and for get what happen ,

        • sharon says:

          Dear johan thankyou for saying you love ma as a friend same here to and also you have explained to terri you are on her side i understand that clearly as you have known each other longer but terri if you thought anythink of johan please dont put him in the middle of these silly argues lets just forget about the aruements about comments any of us have made and lets forget it sometimes life to short to argue as i told you id never be a bully but dont like to see a friend upset and i can be a good friend on this blog to anyone on here yes johan you will always be a friend to me and soon id like to start my own webpage to make good friends ive loved your company johan about facebook you said yes im on it i will type it in to get you see how it goes but i dont ever want to break a friendship up between you and terri or others and at the moment terri dont quiet understand it but about her commenets i have taken no notice about if she wants to start being alright i will understand and talk i really understand if she gets naggy sometimes i think everybody does dont mean it but i never done anythink anyway darlene it was lovley what you said earlier thanks yes there is a page thinking of and i will talk to most of you there when i set it up dont know when let you know always liked to run somethink like this but only true friends only and yes johan you will be first dont worry anyway up to terri now if she just wants to forget everythink start again as i thought she was alright at first helping you so shame to argue we can just all get on anyway see what happens johan if not i will just let you all be as you dont want to upset anyone i do understand that but at the moment im going off the blog till its sorted and no me daughter still not well thanks for asking johan you have been the best on here ive ever talked to and i will look up facebook if not i will never forget you i wish you well you was the best one i ever chatted to as the upset ive had over years it helped by chatting and looking forward to talk to you but yes everyone gets upset but we learn to deal with it but you was one kind hearted man to know and thankyou so much it was lovley knowing you sharon takecarex

          • johan says:

            dear sharon , yes of course i want to continue our conversations , and it would be nice to talk together on facebook too .i think of both u and terri as friends , i see were really all the same looking for the same things , friendship and not to be alone in our lives anymore . really terri did go out of her way to try to help me even though i felt many times judge by her , it was and still is more important that hopefully we all still remain friends .i think u should also check out other parts of this blog like i am startng to do there is good advise here , ps i wasnt talking about irenes link on face book i was just talking about the normal face book , there,s lots of people to meet on there too . and for me u,ll be my first friend to add . i hope ur family is doing well , huggss

  38. johan says:

    hi sharon , i think i might have to leave this link , i think im causing issues , i dont know if u have face book but if u do just look up johan moody . i hope we can continue talking with each other i feel ur a good friend .

    • Amy F says:

      Have you guys thought of taking this off the blog into a private chat or email? I’m a little worried your very important discussion might have taken over the conversation and might deter other people from posting their own comments about the original post. Sometimes conversations take on a life of their own and become social and personal without people realizing they’ve developed a friendship. I’m glad you’ve been able to support each other.

      • Terri says:

        Good idea Amy. It’s getting out of control anyway.

      • johan says:

        yes i have thought of doing a private chat , but im limited to how to private chat because they wont let us give out our information on this blog , but im still trying to figure out way to private chat .

    • Irene says:

      Good idea, Johan. I agree that it’s better to take this conversation off this thread now because it’s so personal.

    • Laura says:

      Irene created the forums for these types of offshoot conversations. It’s the green button on the very top right of your screen. My understanding is that comments here should pertain to the original posts. It really makes it hard if someone comes here for help and there’s all these side conversations going on, so please use the forums.

      • sharon says:

        WELL THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR THAT LAURA NONE EVER TOLD ME OR JOHAN THAT YOU SEE WE HONESTLY DIDNT KNOW I DO APPOLGISE TO YOU AND OTHERS FOR POSTING CONVERSATIONS ON HERE AND TO IRENE AND MANY OTHERS BUT WE WHERE NEVER EVER TOLD ABOUT THE GREEN BUTTON THANKYOU HOW DO YOU MAKE A PAGE LIKE THIS AND WAIT FOR PEOPLE TO REPLY PLEASE WRITE BACK THANKYOU SHARON

    • sharon says:

      hi JOHAN YEA I WILL LOOK ON FACEBOOK BUT OTHER DAY I THOUGHT YOU SAID NO MEN ALLOWED ANYWAY ON FACEBOOK HERE YES MEN ARE ALLOWED TO CHAT TO YOU SO BE OKAY FOR YOU TO GO ON THERE AND I CAN CHAT THERE TO YOU YOU WILL SEE THE MOST UPSETTING THING ON THERE WHAT IVE LOST MEND THE WHOLE WORLD TO ME AND CHILDREN WE STILL GRIEVE TO THIS DAY I ALWAYS WILL I MOVED HOUSE TO HEAR AND I BLAME MYSELF FOR MOVING AS IT WOULDNT OF HAPPENED MY HEART ACHES ITS BROKEN AND YOU JUST SUFFER IN SILENCE THATS THE WORST THING OF ALL BUT I DO PUT A BRAVE FACE ON FOR YOU AND OTHERS IF SEE PEOPLE BUT YES I FEEL A LONER TO IF IM HONEST ITS LIKE THE SAYING GOES YOU CANT MEND A BROKEN HEART ITS TRUE BUT HEART ATTACK FOLLOWED AND PNUMONIA WOKE UP INTESIVE CARE IN HOSPITAL FEW YEARS AGO I SURVIVED INTENSIVE CARE CAME HOME 6 WEEKS LATER I COLLEPSED IN STREET ON MY OWN LUCKY I MADE IT FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN AND THRERE DAD I MADE IT HOME LEAST IM NOW HERE TALKING TO YOU YES YOU DO HAVE TO STAY POSITIVE ITS HORRIBLE WHEN THAT BAD ACHE COMES IN STOMACHE BUT YOU HAVE TO THINK THERES ONLY US WHO CAN HEAL IT IM LEARNING TO GO AND DO REIKA HEALING PEOPLES GREIVE AND THINGS ALSO REFLEXOLGY I ALREADY PASSED GOT MY CERTIFICATES FOR AROMERTHERPY PASSED THAT FEW YEARS AGO ANYWAY HOPING TO RETURN TO HOSPITAL TO WORK AGAIN WHEN CHILDREN OLDER LIKE IM ONLY 40S SEE YEA THE SAME FOR ME MOVUIING HERE I DONT HAVE NO FRIENDS HERE OR I DONT KNOW ANYONE EITHER YEARS AGO LEAST YOU A;LWAYS HAD THAT GOOD NEIGHBOUR TO RUN TO IN NEED NOONE NOW IVE BEEN THINKING JOHAN ME AND YOU CAN RUN OUR OWN BLOG ON HERE YOU KNOW AND HAVE FRIENDS AS MANY AS WE WANT AND CONVERSATIONS HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF LAW AND ATTRACTION I USED TO GO TO THAT VERY GOOD AND INTERESTED THOUGHT MANY TIME I COULD START A LITTLE GROUP UP ON HERE WE WOULD REALLY ENJOY IT HONESTLY AND AT LEAST EVERYBODY IN OUR GROUP WOULD BE WELCOMED AND WANTED JOHAN JUST EXPLAIN HOW TO WRITE A PAGE AND SET IT UP PLEASE TRY NOT TO WORRY IM WORRIED TO AS I NEVER LIKE TO UPSET ANYONE BUT WHAT I HAVE SAID IS ONLY ONE HALF OF MY LIFE HONESTLY I KNOW HEART ACHE BUT WE HAVE TO BE POSITIVE NOW I CAN SEE WHY YOU LOVE LEARNING IN SCHOOL NOW LIKE I LIKE TO DO COURSES AND KEEP GOING AND YOU PASS YEA JUST COUPLE COURSES TO PASS WHEN IM READY WELL I JUST HOPE WE CAN FIND SOMEWHERE TO CHAT OR IF IRENE CAN WE WOULD APPRICATE IT THANKYOU BUT YES MORE FRIENDSHIP WOULD BE BETTER TO HELP THE PEOPLE IT DEFENTLY WOULD WE ALL HAD A PAST WHERE SAD SOMETIMES WE ALL HAVE A FUTURE STILL OUT THERE IF IRENE CAN UNDERSTAND WE DO NEED TO HAVE CONVERSATIONS TO NOT A LOT TO ASK WHAT WAS I FORGET THE NAME SAID PRESS YELLOW BUTTON ON COMPUUTER IN CORNER I DONT UNDERSTAND WHERE THAT TAKES YOU TO WELL JOPHAN I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENS FROM HERE IF I CAN GET YOU ON FACEBOOK I WILL REALLY TRY IF NOT I DONT KNOW HOW TO CONTACT YOU BUT YES I WOULD SET ONE OF THESE UP WHERE MORE PEOPLE CAN HAVE FRIENDS DO YOU JUST CRETE A PAGE AND EMAIL OR SOOMETHINK LET ME KNOE HOPE YOU ALRIGHT I CANT HELP SAYING THE TRUTH EARLIER TTO OTHERS BUT I WAS ALWAYS BROUGHT UP TELL THE TRUTH THAT WAY CANT GO WRONG CAN YOU HOPE TO HEAR SOON YES MISSED YOU ALWAYS WILL TAKECARE SHARONX AND YES FOR THE SIDERS NO HARM IN TALKING AND BEING FRIENDLY ONE DAY I WILL HAVE A WEBPAGE WHERE EVERY BODY CAN CHAT AND IT WILL HELP THERE LONLEYNESS WELL GOODLUCK JOHAN HOPE I CHAT LATER ON TO YOU PLEASE WRITE BACK IF YOU DONT HEAR FROM ME YOU KNOW WHATS HAPPENED THEY BLOGGED US BUT GOPEFULLY THEY WILL UNDERSTAND IF THEY ARE HONEST PEOPLE CATCH YOU LATER FROM SHARONX TAKECARE ALWAYS

      • johan says:

        hi sharon , how is ur other daughter doing . sharon im a brave person i wont mind anything u post on face book . as u,ll soon see , i dont even have a picture on face book . just type in my name at the top to search for my name . personally i hope u dont mind me saying i love u as a friend . please lets try dont to talk about what happened with terri in this link , lets try to move forward , i agree with ur idea about a blow , wow ! infact i had the same idea , many times now i look forward to ur letters , i think the button there talking about on here is the mingle button , but i didnt know were to go from there .dont forget in facebook my name is johan moody , ps i have no camera to take a picture of myself .hope to here from u soon .

  39. johan says:

    are there other links were i might get my friendship questions ansewered ?

    • SHARON says:

      DEAR JOHAN I ITS SHARON HERE IN THE HOSPITAL AGAIN LAST NIGHT TILL EARLY HOURS MORNING, MY OTHER DAUGHTER NOT WELL NOW SAID SHE HAS SLOW APPENDIX I THOUGHT THATS ALL I NEED ANYWAY SENT HER HOME AFTER 8 HOURS WAIT IN THE HOSPITAL THEN HAD TO SEE GP THIS MORNING ANYWAY SAID IF THE PAIN GOES ANY WORSE OR VOMITING OR TEMPERURE I HAVE TO RUSH HER BACK HOSPITAL SO AWAKE ALL NIGHT AGAIN TONIGHT,KEEPING EYE ON HER OTHER ONE BETTER BACK IN SCHOOL BUT CANT DO GAMES AT MOMENT OTHER WISE BREATHLESS,ANYWAY YES HOW IS YOURSELF HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND WHY I MISSED YOU LAST NIGHT WHATS HAPPENED SINCE I HAVENT BEEN ON HERE ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT TO ASK ASK THEM JOHAN I PROMISE I WILL TRY AND HELP YOU AS MUCH AS I CAN JUST LIKE TERRI SAID SHE HAS DONE BUT YES I WILL TRY THAT LINK AND SEE TO CHAT TO YOU NOW IF IM NOT ON HERE TOMORROW ITS BECAUSE OF A REASON OK DONT WORRY YOU HAVENT CAUSED NO ISSUES NOT YOUR FAULT AND TERRI AS TRIED TO HELP YOU BEST SHE CAN AND NOW ITS UP TO YOU HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT BUT YES I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU THATS WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR ANY QUESTIONS I WILL TRY AND ANSWER THEM OH ABOUT YOUR TEACHER THATS NOT GOOD IS IT HEART ATTACK VERY SUDDEN WHEN YOU GET ONE ,PAINFULL TO HAD ONE FEW YEARS AGO AFTER I WORKED IN HOSPITAL BUT YEA ITS ALRIGHT NOW DOING ALRIGHT I WILL HAVE A LOOK AT THAT LINK NOW AND SEE ANYWAY IF YOU DONT HEAR FROM ME ITS BECAUSE IMPORTANT REASON LIKE LAST NIGHT SOMETHINK SO PLEASE LOOK AFTER YOURSELF DONT WORRY CATCH YOU LATER HOPEFULLY TAKECARE SHARON

      • johan says:

        hi sharon im sorry to hear about ur other daughter , and its ok that u arnt always here i know u,ll get back to me when u can , just take care of ur family , and we,ll contact each other when we can .

  40. johan says:

    hi terri , ty for saying u feel im doing well with u and sharon . personally i still feel lost , i dont really know what to ask to get to know u two better or how to identify with either of u . i came into this link thinking id get friendship help and made a few friends . but im still lost and im not sure were to turn to next . i have been asking questions but thet havent been getting ansewered . maybe know one really knows the ansewers to my questions or at least at this point thats how i feel .

    • Terri says:

      Johan, seriously….you can’t get to know people on a blog better than what you’ve been doing. Maybe you’re expecting way too much. Do you think anyone on this blog has the answers you are looking for? If we did, why would we be here? As far as identifying with people, we all identify with each other to a certain extent, that’s why we are here. I am not sure exactly what you want. But you are starting out like a 10 year old almost in a 56 year old body. It’s hard to know what to do to help you, though I have been trying.

      • johan says:

        terri , ive been telling u the truth since ive been on this blog , i never lied about being inexperinced with people , thats how it is for a person thats never been around people before . maybe it sounds like a 10 year old to u , but in truth it only shows the truth i bring to this blog about people who have never had friends before . i thought the owner of this blog was suppose to understand and beable to give ansewers .but terri please dont go around insulting people ur only demeaning ur self not anyone else . ps yes thats what im trying to learn is in what ways we identify with ach other , or i thought thats what i asked .ps at least im smart enough to see even at 57 i can still keep learning

        • Terri says:

          If you think I’ve insulted you, it was not my intention. Of anyone on here, I’ve given you the most time, except for Sharon. I think you two should continue your friendship off this blog because I feel you have a lot in common. I also do not demean myself. It’s funny how at times you are capable of using terms like “demeaning” and clearly understand their meaning and then you portray yourself at other times as almost childlike. That’s not an insult, but merely the truth as I see it. I have tried to help you and gone out of my way to be friendly and teach you and you should not repay that by insulting me.

          • johan says:

            wow ! terri sorry to ruffle ur feathers , yes i felt insulted too , but im am very smart thats why i ask questions , but no i never act childish , thats for those who wish to feel they have to talk that way to others . ive always liked u even when u didnt really know any thing about me , or believe what i wrote . i dont know how sharon and i will continue to talk together off this link , but im trying to find ways , if i hurt ur feeling mine were hurt too . i have always respected ur opinion but i cant respect ur opinion of acting like a child without defending my self just like u did , yes im learning and adapting fast . but i have a long way to go .

            • Laura says:

              Johan,

              I saw your comment about wanting to improve your writing skills. Check out your local community college. I don’t know where you live but where I live they have much to offer to adult learners.

              • johan says:

                dear laura , ive been in a ged class for about 1 and a half years now , i started in a 2nd grade level now im up to almost 7th i just need a few more points . all my teacher are amazed ive went this far this fast they think if i can pass the langauge level ill be close to getting a ged , but i feel i want to try for college , i have nothing to lose and everything to gain , ty for ur idea

                • Laura says:

                  Johan, that is wonderful that you’ve made such quick progress! You can do anything you set your mind to. A good community college will work with you to get your through the right developmental classes, then into credit bearing courses.

          • SHARON says:

            HI TERRI I DONT KNOW WHATS GONE ON HERE AS IN HOSPITAL WITH ME OTHER DAUGHTER LAST NIGHT SLOW APPENDIX,,,I DO SEE YES YOU HAVE HELPED JOHAN WITH FEW QUESTIONS HE APPRICATED THEM ,SAYING ABOUT ME WHO AS DONE NOTHING AT ALL AND SAYING I SHOULD CONTIUE FREIENDSHIP OFF THE BLOG ,NO I DO THINK THATS WRONG THERE,AS WE DONE NOTHING ONLY TALK ON HERE LIKE I DID TO YOU MAYBE IF YOU DONT LIKE IT IT MAYBE WISE FOR YOU TO GO OFF THE BLOG FOR A WHILE TILL YOU CALM DOWN THAT BE BETTER ALL AROUND JOHAN IM PROUD OF YOU FOR SAYING AND STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF YES YOU SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST AND YOU FEEL MUCH BETTER BY IT JOHAN WELL TERRI I WOULD SAY CALM DOWN BEFORE YOU GO CHUCKING PEOPLE OFF HERE JUST FOR HELPING PEOPLE NOT NICE IS IT YOU WOULDNT LIKE IT SO JUST LEAVE IT BE AS WE ALL DONE NOTHING HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THANKYOU AND DRAGGING ME IN IT I DIDNT EVEN KNOW ANYTHINK ABOUT IT YOU SHOULDNT BE LIKE THIS WITH FRIENDS OTHERWISE YOU WILL HAVE NONE BEING LIKE THIS TERRI ITS JUST NO GOOD

            • Terri says:

              Hold on you two. I never said or meant that you shouldn’t post on this blog anymore. Others have suggested you discuss things that are not the subject of this blog in alternate places, not me. I simply said that you two have a lot in common and should try to develop your friendship off this blog, meaning in addition to here….ALSO, off the blog. In other words, try to develop a real friendship, not just posting on a blog every day. That’s all. Don’t take it in a way it wasn’t intended. This must be due to the language barrier we have. And I have done nothing but try to help here. But I’ll stop now. I don’t have friends on this blog, by the way. Just people I posted to on a blog, that’s all. This isn’t our real, every day life. It’s a blog.

              • johan says:

                hi terri im sorry u feel the way u do . i still think of u as a friend reguardless of whats been said , i know sometimes even friends can say things they dont mean , and its ok , we really dont personally know each other but ive still enjoyed ur honesty , and its why i dont want to lose ur friendship .

              • sharon says:

                terri yes its a shame you made a silly comment like that really as we was all getting on so well it really didn’t have to be like this we all had conversations including me and you and johan and we liked the conversations some think to look forward to and it was a shame its all had to stop as Irene said all conversations now stop so it really means nothing to talk about at all anymore no friends no nothing well thanks teri nice one but if you read it when you go on this page it warned you about this blog anyway about bullys before and Irene didn’t do anythink to stop it read about it like I have read but you could have said that when me you and johhan where on here this week just all chatting to each other you was in conversations as well as us we wasn’t the only ones so when she said take your blog of conversations off here vit would mean you to as you have been chatting to us as well but about trying to help people at first ui thought yes maybe you was now you reliose different well that means we can all take our blogs elsewhere what a lonely place this will be thanks to you terri I hope you are happy with yourself

            • Irene says:

              Sharon,

              Terri has extended herself being patient and understanding.
              Please take your conversation off the blog now.

              Thanks
              Irene

              • Terri says:

                Thank you.

              • sharon says:

                To Irene I don’t know what had gone on when I wasn’t here I was in the hospital with my daughter but when I come back on here terri was having words with johan and terri metioned my name and I hadn’t done nothing I talked to them both few days before and then she brings me in it sorry I didn’t like this when she started picking on myself also on johan I felt someone needed to speak up I did talk to her I have said I know she had been understanding so have I but its silly that when you have a conversation with them that you get told off if that’s the case why is it such a site for people to make friends if you cant have conversations with them you can sort things out and have conversation same time we all haven’t had it easy and its nice to have a conversation with people its all because me and johan was having conversation as well that was no harm to no one at all we where letting others have they say and listening and sometimes you would reply to other people but they never ever responded back now that to me is a waste the time as they on here as they want a friend to they will never get one that way will they ask about terri it wasn’t my fault you couldn’t understand the conversations as you said you did not need to take it out of me and johan we done nothing I cant help it if terri don’t understand us and passing horrible comments to us so theres only one thing I can say she tries and gets on or you take the decision to lose us of no fault of me and johan it causes one person which you believe teri maybe she has tried to help and understand but she shouldn’t be allowed to comment on other peoples personal life like saying they nedd full stops question marks ect we all don’t have the time like that some of us don’t but no shes picked on us for days if you was reading it all when I first come to this blog it told you to be aware coming on here in big writing I should of took notice as it said about another person got bullied once and you stood right by them I thought surely you couldn’t let it happen but yes its warning you on here I should have thought twice sharon

                • Terri says:

                  What’s wrong with you. Your writing skills are horrible and it’s hard to read what you write. How is that bullying. You talk about telling the truth, well that’s the truth. As far as not having time to put periods and commas in your sentences…..are you kidding me? You have time to write 10 books a day on here, but you can’t use a couple periods (full stops to you)? Give me a break. Why don’t you shorten some of your posts to like 1/4th the size they currently are and use the rest of the time to make sure your writings are readable.

                • Irene says:

                  This conversation has gotten too personal and off-topic. All further comments of that nature will be removed by the moderator. Thank you for your cooperation.

              • johan says:

                hi irene , sorry about all this , is there anyway u can either let sharon and i exchange information , to stop all this , or u can give sharon mine .

            • johan says:

              ty sharon for being such a good friend and standing behind what i say . huggss .

              • sharon says:

                hi johan yea you are welcome always that’s what a true honest friend is for takecare

              • sharon says:

                yea johan Irene as wrote to say get coversations off blog to me yes she has took terries word not oursi have said if she would have been reading it she would have known terri started all this not me or you anyway also said what it warns you on here that bullying was going on here before and it says Irene stood by them just like she has again now by terri its completely wrong 2 sides to every story and like it says on blog when you come on here she lisins and stands by the bulling side it warns you all on here when you switch it on so quicker we off here the better yesa I will look up that one you told me and try and get you on there we to good for here anyway thanks johan for always being there and id think carefull about on here read it when you put computer on its all on there from ages ago as someone went through same thing it says at the end of the day jealous because you have conversations that’s all no wounder they have no friends anyway catch me later takecare sharonx

                • johan says:

                  wow ! sharon and ty , i once was a very nuteral person i didnt take anyones side , but now that ive changed i see its only right to step up for ur friends , i dont really know terri maybe she felt she was doing the right thing , i only know she at least was trying to help with my writing , and she was the first to offer , i thank her for that , maybe she felt i should try harder , maybe that was the reason fr her hidden comment , yes i like her trying and felt i found a friend . i also know somes friends don,t always agree . i still think of terri as a friend , because at least we talked together just like u and i , yes sharon i think ur tops because u never judged me because of my writing ty my friend .hope to hear from u soon .

                  • Terri says:

                    Johan, you need to tell your friend Sharon to back off. You two have very similar writing styles. Sometimes I think you are the same person. But if you are two different people, of course she would defend you. Her writing is worse than yours. I’m sorry, I tried to be your friend and then you attacked me for simply trying to help you get better at writing. You didn’t want to help yourself. You kept fighting it. Finally Irene had enough. I don’t blame her. So have I. And like I said, you should get your guard dog Sharon to chill out. She’s the one ruining this for everyone, not me.

                    • johan says:

                      hi , terri i forgave u the minute i felt u insulted me , but really maybe we all should be careful of the words we use towards each other . im glad i found a friend like sharon , but also i dont want to lose the honesty of ur friendship either , yes and no im just sure i completely understand the parts of langauge u offered yet . but also f u look i did defend u too . in my futher i hope to understand caps and puns , but please dont rush me .im not sure how to ask sharon to let us stop with the bickering towards u but i,ll try . ps thats what this link is for to find people who identify with each other . ps ur still my friend terri .

                  • sharon says:

                    hi johan no i would never judge you you always know the way to go its a shame how terri as turned out i thought she was ok first, but after realised no shame really there you go the trouble is she dont like the truth as she just thinks shes a teacher but she needs help in other ways to shame but there you go,yes got to admit she was understanding helpfull first then there is another side to her shame no good all im saying johan just be carefull as now you know there is 2 sides nice one minute and terrible the next minute shame she turned out like that she will never have a friend like that she spoils it you know what i mean she has had a go at you loads of times i would never be like that with you as i fully understand what you are going through anyway takecare love to you and the family i will never forget you you are a good friend and soon we will not be able to get on here just remember when you down go for peacefull walk feel better when you come back your good friend always sharonx

                  • sharon says:

                    MESSAGE REMOVED BY MODERATOR – THIS THREAD HAS GOTTEN OFF TOPIC
                    THANKS

  41. johan says:

    ok , irene , i do know now identifying with others is a good way to get to know people , are there other ways to get to know people ?

  42. job says:

    if ive gone through multiple groups of friends, do you think its me at fault?
    i lost base with friends in HS after I moved and they are all still friends. I always had the same issue of not being invited out. dont know why.
    then my new group of friends, did the same thing and id never hear from them unless i made contact.
    third group, same deal. Now its just me and my gf and random people i call acquaintances, but again, no one ever reaches out.
    the main issue is i never ever hear from anyone unless I go way out of my way. the friends who ive known for the last 5 years, i just stopped messaging them in dec to see what would happen. Not a word from them.

    ive tried being the one to plan things and it doesnt work out, people always give half ass committments. so what am i doing wrong? is it me?

    • Terri says:

      I don’t know if it’s you or not, that’s only something you or those close to you can answer, but I do know I have a similar problem, but I’m sure that it IS me. I’m not willing to have relationships in which I have to put in all the work. And like you, that was what was happening. So, finally after years of putting myself through that….I’m down to about 2 or 3 friends and a wonderful boyfriend I’ve been with for 11 years and I’m happy with that. It’s all how you look at it. It’s better to have only a couple quality people that treat you the way you treat them than a bunch of people who take advantage of you and your efforts.

    • C.j says:

      This happens to a lot of people at some point in their life. They just lose friends from high school for one reason or another. But yeah I get why you’re frustrated about no one reaching out. I’ve often felt the same way. I think a lot of people just cant be bothered half the time. They just make up excuses or wont reply because they dont want to say “no” and make the person feel hurt. Maybe they are busy a lot, forget things or bad at being organized and keeping plans.

      • johan says:

        hi cj , sorry i havent got bk with u in a while , i really dont read very fast yet , infact its hard for me to read all these blogs in here . i just want u to know u do have friends in this blog and that does inclued me .

        • C.j says:

          Hey Johan, no worries. Haha neither do I. There’s just too much to read. My brain is not good at keeping up either that’s why I usually dont. I think you wrote heaps earlier, and just want to tell you to keep it up, and it’s nice to see others replying as well. Thanks heaps, Johan. It’s good to know that, and I am here as well if you need someone.

  43. Frans says:

    Hi Irene I have read some of the comments I sometimes feel like I am the only one of my kind.I use to be a introvert when I was younger but the job I do now as a Sales Representative I have over two hundred clients and I am now more of a extravert but still I have no real friends and because of a relationship I was married and very badly hurt by my ex I did everything in my mind that I believed a good husband would do for his wife the wedding of her dreams ect.Or so I thought of being the perfect husband now my hart has become very hard when it comes to relationships and trusting people I am trying my best to overcome this but alot of times I always end up alone and I meet women from time to time but I just feel like I will never meet the women of my dreams any advice please?

    • Kjell-Øyvind says:

      Maybe youre too nice? Ive learned Thai I cant bee too nice. If a person is too nice and always tries to satisfy friends/wife/husband, it often makes the person more unpopular. A person like that may be less exciting. I have understood thats important also to have the skill to say “NO”, when someone is asking you abouit something.

      In one way I think its sad, that it works this way. Why do often much kindness involve getting a bit unpopular?

      • Darlene says:

        I think that kindness and respect is always the right thing. But….if you are being too accommodating to people, then you can unintentionally give people the message that you do not value yourself.

        It has been my experience that most people value those who value themselves. That doesn’t mean that other people are unkind, it just seems to be how we are as a species.

        Try to strike a balance, yes be kind, but be sure to carry yourself with confidence and to expect respect, as you give it to others. :)

  44. Jen says:

    This isn’t a grammar post, is it? Christina, I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve lost many friends throughout my life. You will find someone new. It just takes time, and it gets more difficult as we get older because everyone is just too busy with their jobs and families.

  45. Dearsey says:

    I am having the same issue now. I find myself to be kindhearted and lovable though others don’t like it. I got accused of being close to others and those that was around don’t like it. I respect people and I am very thankful for those i do meet. If someone treat me loyal I treat them loyal. I know how to keep to myself but that would make others think I’m self centered and bitter. Its the little things that turn people off when you start to become being ok around. I dont like when people ask me questions start hugging me to let me know I do have people that loves me but when I start returning the love in a friendly and caring manner they get upset and want to start acusuing me of

  46. johan says:

    ha ! thats so nice trying to correct ur self , bet u really dont know why we do any of those , i found out months ago not even the most brillent teachers only know they use those forms of english is because thats the way our langauge has been through out 100 s of years . they have no clue other then that , i myself can read what ive wrote fine without any of of what is so called proper english . and im sure u can too . yes i need reading and other writing help . but uve only failed ur self by instead of making fun of others , u should help and teach them the knowledge u have .

  47. johan says:

    hi sharon ,sorry i havent wrote u , i was in school all last night , i hope ur daughter is doing better , i dont mind if u have to rush to write me bk , thats what friends are for , my teach had to go to the hospital so he wont be teaching for a while , their trying to move my classes but i cant seem to find any good teachers .miss u huggss

    • Grammar Totalitarian says:

      You used the wrong their/they’re.
      You need to capitalize your “I”s.
      You forgot to punctuate your sentences correctly.
      You have failed me, son.

      • johan says:

        i challenge u grammar to instead of making fun of others to teach people like me about grammer . because u have to be smart enough to see anyone willing to try never fails its those like u that wont help people like me that are the true failures .

        • Terri says:

          OK Johan, if you really mean what you say, I’m going to try to help you and Sharon and anyone else that has problems with writing.

          1. Capitalize the first word of every sentence, no matter what.
          2. If you’re not sure how to spell a word, google it first or use spell check, whatever is available to you.
          3. Think of writing the same as talking. You wouldn’t never pause between sentences when you are talking so you should pause between sentences when you’re writing too. A pause when you are writing is no more than a period. Look at my sentences. After ever sentence, there is a period and then the next sentence starts with a capital letter.

          That’s a start. You can learn about punctuation like commas, apostrophe’s, etc. another time. That’s a little more advanced and, in the long run, when writing on a blog, isn’t that important. It’s just hard to read sentences that never end that have no capital letters, etc.

          • Irene says:

            Thanks for these helpful comments, Terri. Written language is a form of communication and if someone really wants to be understood, it pays to put in the extra effort as you suggest.

          • johan says:

            hi terri , wow ! ur always so funny . but im glad at least ur willing to try to help others all u can ty for that . in some ways i dont really even see uses for caps . i can read any sentence without caps of any sort . i do some what understand the period parts and the question parts but i can understand those too without the period or the question mark . i know that caps and the other parts are part our langauge past down for 100S of years .but i also know not one person really knows why there really used they just do them . i think its pretty nice ur trying to show how to use them .

            • Terri says:

              Ha…I wasn’t trying to be funny. I was trying to help like you asked. So, even if you don’t see the use for proper english use, grammar, punctuation, etc., it is still how people communicate effectively. So, why not use caps? It’s pretty easy to do and since you obviously understand how to use periods, it wouldn’t be that hard to start the next sentence off with a capital letter, would it? Just sayin’.

              • Terri says:

                Also, it is difficult to read run-on sentences, that is sentences that should end, but don’t. It’s much easier to read sentences that are grammatically correct, use proper punctuation and have few, if any, spelling errors. Just my opinion. As far as why it’s the way it is?? Why ask why? Why is the sky blue? Why do we go to the bathroom in a toilet? Why do we ride horses when we have cars? I mean, I don’t see why those things need to be the way they are either, they just are. Some things just are.

                • johan says:

                  hi terri , no i mean ur were funny because i was really challenging grammar not u , but ill take what i can get and really i think ud be nicer about showing how to do proper english .and yes ive just started learning about run on sentences .

              • johan says:

                terri , ty for trying to teach me english , im tough student im not the type to follow the crowd just because thats the way it is , im the type that has to fully understand , and without a full understanding of english i,ll never truly know how its done , but i see ur point because even the best teachers dont understand english either they just do it

                • Terri says:

                  Well, I won’t keep trying to teach it if you don’t try to use what I am telling you. Still don’t see any caps, but a lot of commas. That’s good at least. Don’t forget the periods and the caps. :)

                  • johan says:

                    well , for a six grade education and still tring i think i do pretty well for not understanding caps or commas . slow down a bit im not even sure how to use my key board to do caps or apostrophes thats why i use comma,s instead .plus i know if im going to pass the ged later i need to learn all this stuff and understand it .

                  • johan says:

                    hi terri , last night i got on my computer and looked up were the caps are , and i noticed if u push the caps lock all that my key board types is caps , and just pushing the shift button the caps come on and off and i saw the apostrophe button too , i still havent figured out how to completely use them though , but at least i know were there at . i also dont know why the first word in a sentence is capped or why any word is capped .

                    • Irene says:

                      Please try to stick to the topic of this blog, asking for and giving friendship advice. I appreciate your openness to learning language and keyboarding skills but it diverts from the purpose of this blog. Please limit your posts to those that are on topic. Thanks, Irene

                  • Irene says:

                    Thanks for extending yourself, Terri, and trying to be so helpful and positive. Best, Irene

                    • johan says:

                      hi irene , wow long time no hear , well , i did ask for friendship help , but since i was,nt getting any help , i just thought i try asking for other help i need . at least i was getting some writing help . that was better than nothing . ok so lets get back to friendship help , i still need a lot of help there yet .

                    • Terri says:

                      No problem Irene, I try sometimes. Sometimes I get frustrated, but when I see someone trying to learn, I have to try to help. Johan, you need a computer class to teach you where all the keys are. And you seem to be doing ok taking with people on here. You’re doing well with Sharon and with me.

          • Julyrain says:

            After reading it, I feel I almost have all the problems listed there… What should I do?

            • johan says:

              hi july , im not real experinced with having friends yet , but i think as they,ve said to me , u cant give up and believe in ur self , i am , ot i think i am the least experinced person with people on this blog , i once was a total loner , but i fell for the wrong girl , but its was ment to be because without her comming into my life i might not have ever chanced , getting to know people certianly is not easy , but at least uve found people on here u identify with , i think thats a good start and finding other ways u identify with others i think will bring us both success . good luck

    • sharon says:

      Hi Johan yea was wondering where you was but don’t worry I fully understand what you in school for at your age don’t worry we can all understand what you write I think you are doing really well anyway I have habit when emailing is pressing wrong key on keyboard ,but anyway don’t matter how are you anyway yea my daughter a little better now on the mend thanks for that I wrote to terri other day but never answered back must be busy others ive emailed they don’t email back either I don’t know they all want replys but don’t answer anyway going to ask you how do you put a bit about yourself on here with reply at the bottom of page like you do what you have to do let me know please oh you never said if you have nice views where you live either can you see the beach from where you are you very lucky I only see trees here anyway still freezing cold here still got snow to come do you ever have snow there then or not. when I send this now I have to press send 2 times before you get it well I bet you having a nice cuppa again and burger lucky you hay I got a cuppa to a coffee so going to enjoy that now well takecare catch you soon sharon

      • johan says:

        hi sharon , its nice to hear ur daughter is feeling better , i live in the country close to the strawberry farmers , but i do go fishing a lot , and to lakes as well as the ocean , mainly ive been going to school to learn to read and write when i was young i never got to learn to read or write but know im thinking i might get my ged too .i like it were i live its quit most of the time . we have trees, strawberrys ,and schools mostly around were i live . its been very nice here so i went fishing and caught 7 bass , ps ill always write when i can , just now school started back and im doing 6 classes a week to get caught up , and ty sharon i think im doing pretty good to for starting at a 2nd grade level . talk soon huggss

        • sharon says:

          Hi Johan lovley to hear from you Sharon here yea nice you live in the countryside where it is peacefull,And its really good that you have come this far with your reading and writing you have done really well I was just saying that’s all at your age I wouldn’t of bothered but if it is somethink you always wanted to do I understand that to you see as you never to late to learn either you have done really well I think and me well I do know how to do it all I had to in the jobs you worked years ago but these days don’t have the time to think of a question mark never mind full stop never mind you will get to know me but yes thankyou my daughyter alright now school Monday for her . oh about fishing years ago someone took me fishing I was watching and me friend starting talking to friends we new fishing I said can I have a go said yes so I was so chuffed I caught a fish but when I realed it in it was heavy rubbish in water the real got stuck I fell in never again all my friends laughted it was stuck to weeds in water so that was it never bothered with fishing again but yea summer holidays loved it that’s what we all liked doing thoughs days anyway how have you been today have you been anywhere nice oh don’t worry if you don’t write one night I understand you are studing in school don’t worry but anyway johan I mean it you should be proud of yourself getting this far I am for you anyway you go have a cuppa coffee and some supper I will catch you later takecare as always sharon

      • Terri says:

        Hey Sharon, I think it’s great that you are reaching out. Sorry I didn’t write back the other day. I go to school and work and have a vinyl record business, so I’m very busy. I put some hints above about how to construct a sentence correctly if you are interested. Maybe with you it’s just typing in a hurry, I don’t know. Johan said it would be nice if people like me would try to help others or teach them, so that’s what I did. Where do you live? I always have wanted to go to Europe, but haven’t yet. I’m from Los Angeles.

        • sharon says:

          Hi Terri nice of you to write back to me lovley to hear from you. Its a great idea what you have said about capital letters ect yes I do appricate it but yea I have always been able to do all that but these days with rushing a letter and busy as I am don’t have time for a full stop but thanks anyway yea, you live in los angelers long way from me I live in great Britain northwales but yes its nice that you are really helping johan I understand hes doing his best and you are as well but at that age I don’t think I would bother personally going back to school but its what he wants and hes doing really well I say good luck johan so terri how long you been in the vinyl record business then is that cds or records or what not sure anyway lovley to hear from you write soon sharon

          • johan says:

            hi sharon , wow ! i think its pretty nice seeing u and terri talking , terri always trys her best to help out others , personally i think terri,s a very nice person . yes im liking school and im meeting people even aroun my age at school , so thats a plus . sounds like to me u had fun fishing , and a little laughter is good for the soul , heck ill do stupid things sometimes to get a laugh or embarass myself , just for fun . im glad to hear your daughter is doing better , and ty for the support of my schooling .

            • SHARON says:

              HI JOHAN WELL I HOPE YOU ARE ALRIGHT YEA HAD A CHAT WITH TERRI YEA NICE TO TALK TO,MY WRITTING WENT SMALLER EARLIER DONT KNOW WHY SORT IT OUT TOMORROW SO AT MOMENT IN CAPS SHOULDNT BE LEAST YOU WILL UNDERSTAND IT,NICE YOU LIKING SCHOOL AND PEOPLE YOUR OWN AGE TO TALK TO THERE YEA NICE ONE,YEA ABOUT FISHING THAT WAS ALONG TIME AGO ID LEFT SCHOOL IN A JOB THEN BUT YES IT WAS A LAUGH BUT NOT WHEN I FELL IN THE WATER IT WASNT NEVER FORGET IT THOUGH,I LOVE SWIMMING THOUGH ALWAYS GOING TO BATHS LOVE IT ONLY IN SUMMER THOUGH, DO YOU LIKE SWIMMING I BET NICE BATHS THERE BY YOU WELL I CANT SLEEP TONIGHT DONT KNOW WHY AND GOT TO GET UP IN 4 HOURS TO DO CHILDRENS BREAKFAST , YOU KNOW YEARS AGO DID YOU OSED TO REMEMBER THE OLD CB RADIOS I USED TO BE ON THAT ALL OVER THE WORLD AND TALK TO LOADS OF PEOPLE THE PEOPLE YOU TALKED TO WAS AMAZING BRILLIANT ,TERRI IF YOU REMEMBER THEM LET US KNOW YEARS AGO THEY USED TO HAVE THEM ALL OVER THE WORLD I WILL BE SURPRIZED IF YOU OR TERRI NEVER HEARD OF ONE . GREAT THEY WAS.SO BEEN ANYWHERE NICE TODAY THEN WELL IM GETTING A CUPPA AND THEN GOING TO BYE BYES I WILL CATCH YOU TOMOWRROW ALL BEING WELL TAKECARE JOHAN FROM SHARON

              • johan says:

                hi sharon , nope i perfer showers not baths , but yes i love to swim , but there arnt many places to swim here .i also do a lot of other things with my life i bowl , fix cars , play card games and many just stay active . yes i remember cbs and ham radios . i had one to bk then , they were fun . bk to school for me today too , im going to have to look for another night teacher tonight , mine had an heart attack and is,nt coming back .have a great day see and hear from u soon .

          • Terri says:

            Hi Sharon. It really doesn’t take that much longer to put a period after a sentence than it does to leave it out and it makes it much easier to read what you are trying to say. I have to admit that it’s difficult for me sometimes to understand what you are saying because of the way you structure your sentences. Sometimes I don’t even want to read long posts that I see that are just one long, long run-on sentence. It’s hard. That’s why I’m trying to help. Because I would like to read what you are writing, but if it’s too difficult to do so, I won’t. I have been in the vinyl record business since 7/2013. My boyfriend and I used to have a regular store, but now we only sell on-line. We both have regular jobs as well, and I am going to school part time to get my Accounting degree. So, I am very busy. It’s never too late to go back to school. I would love to go to Great Britain. We will go on a tour, hopefully soon, to visit Rome, Paris and London….maybe 12 days or something like that. I can’t wait.

            • johan says:

              wow ! id like to learn how to talk with people like u two do . i think thats part of my problem talking with others i still dont completely know how to identify with people like u two do .

            • sharon says:

              Hi Terri yea I do know what you mean don’t worry I will take a leaf out of your book,I didn’t know how difficult it was for you to read anyway dontknow what I pressed on keyboard now writing gone smaller some reason,you have to just read this one as it is im afraid ,I know ITS GOOD YOU BEEN IN THE RECORD BUSSINESS SICE 2013 GREAT DO YOU SELL CDS AT ALL ,NICE YOU GOING ON A TOUR STILL LONG WAY FROM ME BUT THAT WOULD BE LOVLEY HAS HAVE NICE SCENERY AND VIEWS,WELL HOPE YOU ARE ALRIGHT DONT KNOW WHY MY WRITTING WENT SMALLER BUT I THINK YOU UNDERSTAND IT NOW ,GREAT YOU GETTING YOUR ACCOUNTING DEGREE NICE ONE .WELL CATCH YOU AGAIN SHARON

  48. rachid says:

    4 years later i read ur message
    good luk girl
    and 4 all

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