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Ask the Friendship Doctor

Why would someone have no friends?

There are a host of reasons why some people have no friends…and it is more common than you might think.


Hi there,

I am so happy to have found your blog! I have a problem that has been ongoing for my entire life, pretty much. I have no friends. Well, let me restate that: I have no friends who keep in touch without me doing all the effort and even then it is spotty! I am 35 years old.

A little history, in case it is applicable to my current problem: in middle school, I had a very close best friend but she dumped me, which was really tough. Then, in high school and into college I had some best friends that I ended up dumping abruptly over the littlest thing, which I have since realized was due to trust issues that I have worked through now. So why can’t I keep friends?

I have a group of three friends whom I have known since I was about 21. They don’t call me or email me really, but if I email and rally everyone for a get together we have fun… but then nothing. And I hear from them that they have gotten together in the meantime. I don’t get it- what is wrong with me?

Around the neighborhood I chat, make meals for the new moms, etc. but then nothing. And the other moms get together without me. I have female cousins who are really great, we have fun when we are together—but they never call or ask me to get together. It always has to be me.

The fact that this is a pattern in all my female friendships troubles me and makes me think that I am doing something wrong, but I don’t know what. I am a caring person and go out of my way to ask people about their lives when I am having conversations. My therapist has said that there is nothing wrong with having to be the one to always initiate a get together, but then I see my others who have a group of close friends who get together and really support each other, and I wonder, why not me?

I am an only child and sometimes just feel very alone. Other times I feel okay with having no friends. But all in all, I wish it were different. Do you have any advice for me?



Hi Amanda,

Ouch! It sounds like you feel like you’re a pariah. It’s impossible to guess why your friendships don’t “stick” and there’s no uptake by others but the problem seems to be a pattern rather than a one-time occurrence—and something you want to change.

Can you self-identify your specific problem (s)? Here are some of the possibilities why people don’t have close reciprocal relationships with friends. I’m sure other readers will add to the list.

Temperament – Are you shy and uncomfortable around people? This can make people around you feel uncomfortable too.

Insecurity - Do you feel like you can’t measure up to the people you want as friends? Are you able to trust other people? These may be barriers that create distance between you and your friends.

Preference – Are you introverted? When push comes to shove, do you actually prefer being alone rather than spending time with friends? Do you think people know this when they’re around you? Or, are you extraordinarily social—so preoccupied with making lots of acquaintances that you lose out on making close friendships?

Psychological Issues – Do you have a history of difficulty establishing intimate relationships with others? Are you uncomfortable with people knowing the real you?

Lack of Experience – Regardless of age, some people lack the skills needed to make and maintain friendships. Do you think you have what it takes to be a good friend?

Situational Obstacles – Do you live in a geographical area where it is particularly difficult to connect with people? This might include living someplace rural where there are few people or because of a history of frequent moves, being someplace where you feel like an outsider.

Disabilities – Do you have a mental or physical disability? Unfortunately, because of stigma, people shun individuals with mental or physical disabilities. In addition, being homebound can limit the opportunity to make friends.

Personality – Is there something about you that others find grating? Are you too needy? Too pushy? Too talkative? Too controlling? Are you fiercely independent—wanting to call all the shots regarding what, when and where? Sometimes, there is something off-putting about a person’s behavior and the individual lacks awareness of the problem.

Communication Style - Do you respond to your friend’s overtures as well as initiate contact? Are you available on line or by phone, depending on your friend’s preferred mode of communication.

Time Management Problems – Do you have a hard time juggling all the responsibilities and demands placed on you? Do you consider making time for friends selfish or frivolous?

Unrealistic expectations – Have you led your friends to believe that you will always do the organizing? Do you have an unrealistic, romanticized notion of friendship? Do you expect all friendships to be perfect and last forever?

Talking to an objective third party is a good way to gain insight into something you can’t figure out about yourself. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a therapist; it could be your spouse, a sibling, or someone else you trust.

Since you are already in therapy, perhaps this list will provide a useful starting point to explore various possibilities with your therapist. I agree that something is amiss given the scenario you have described and your desire for more reciprocal friendships.

Hope this is helpful.

Warm regards,

Prior blog posts that touch upon having no friends:

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Comments (2,151)

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  1. bella says:




  2. Lilly says:

    Hey there eveyone. So i guess my problem is wayy too different than any of yours. Im 19 and going through a total life crisis. I am a student of dentistry and I have my final exams going on.
    We’re supposed to be home for a month for preparatory holidays and I fought with my dad coz he was being rude to my mother. I mean ever since I was little I always felt like he loved my elder sister more than me and he’s gone out of his way to prove that many times. She’s dropped out of college and never never talks to any of my parents normally still she gets everything that I can only dream of. He disrespects my mother too and only cares about her. My mother is a pretty unbiased lady. She has always supported the right thing and I guess I’m much like her in that respect.

    So before actually coming to college I had a huge fight with my dad cuz he straight out admitted that he loved my sister more and that just left me in tears. Being a kid I cried and made a scene and thought as to what I did which is making him say that and I thought of just leaving my studies cuz I have to work day in and day out for this and the least I expected was my parents love which I don’t get. She on the other hand stays at home, shops all day, roams out with her friends who are like her and gets paid from my dad as if she’s doing something very productive. She’s rude and fights with me all the time.

    Because of all this, I have generally become cold towards my mother too as I hate it when she talks to her and the fact that she’s ok with him liking her more. Which parent does that? I feel suffocated in this place. Sometimes I feel like I should too get into drugs and everything like most people do these days and leave the studies cuz I don’t wanna work this hard and not be appreciated for anything.

    They have started calling me mad and everything but I know that if there’s a normal person in this family, that’s me.

    I really don’t know what to do. Run away or stay and just keep going through with this? Need your help !

    • Lois says:

      Hi Lilly, im so sorry that you are going through so much. I truly feel bad about your situation. Im dealing with a lot myself, but i felt in my heart to reply to you….i know you are confused especially at your age, but one thing i can tell you is drugs and alcohol is NOT the solution. however,if you do not have another safe clean quiet environment to go where its rent free i DO suggest that if you can, just stay at home until you finish school, because after you graduate, you will have a successful career nd if YOU choose to not look back then you can have that choice. Meanwhile PLEASE do not get pregnant or get into a serious relationship. After you finish college nd start your career, you will have plenty of time to reflect back on your life as you are steadily working and moving forward. This will be best done WITHOUT kids or a serious relationship. Sort out your life completely no matter how many people tell you its ok to have kids or a serious relationship BEFORE you’ve at least been able to spend that time alone. One thing I’ve found out in this world is we women tend to set ourselves up for more heartache and pain by positioning ourselves to reach out for a child or man before we can setup our own lives for our own future nd stability. We come from broken backgrounds yet still we jump straight into a HOT FRYING pan that will lead to a LIFETIME of regrets, then we are too old or much older to do it the right way again. I know this seems like a bit much ,but it can be done,if you feel pain now at 19 imagine jumping into that hot frying pan before you take care of your own career then yourself, you will see. Keep this reply until you are 50 yrs old n see if i was correct or not by ur actions. I wished to god that i had someone to give me the same advice when i was 19, perhaps i wouldn’t be where i am now at 49. Stay strong nd positive Lilly. I will pray for you nd i would love to stay in touch through this site or email. Take Care!

      • Lois says:

        Btw: Your parents is who THEY are, they disfunction has absolutely nothing to do with you and where you are going in life. Your sister wont have your parents forever to GIVE her everything, because they want be around forever. No matter what they may leave her, she’ll blow right through it because she has no college education or experience to go out nd work like you. Dont worry urself about them because you cant change anyone EXCEPT urself. I know it hurt to be treated this way, but you have the rest of your life to work through this pain. Remember, make those smart choices I’ve given you and walking through the rest of your life will be easier not easy, but easier. Put God first nd you will be just fine. Ok sweetie! ;) feel free to contact me anytime here or by email later. TC!

      • Jen says:

        Lilly, it sounds like your parents are very immature to be saying petty things to you like that. How do they even measure their love? Is it by time, money, attention, or something else? A lot of parents play favorites, but they’re just ignorant because they fail to recognize that everyone is different. We can all bring unique qualities to the table. There’s a lot of inequality in the world. It’s really terrible, but my advice is just to ignore them and do your own thing. Don’t move out until you are financially ready, but use them as motivation to build a life for yourself. I hope you make some friends too.

    • guest says:

      Dear Lily,
      Some things are not understood.
      Do the best you can to secure a good future for yourself. Invest the coming years wisely to gain a professsion with which you can make an honest living. If it is dentistry you want, become a dentist. By the way after your studies read about biological dentistry.

      Hold on, and if it is hard for you to be at your parents house during the holidays, stay somewhere else where you can study in peace, maybe in the dorm.

      Good luck. Wishing you all the best from Israel

  3. Joel says:

    Every time I read a new post here I wish I had something nice to reply… but I don’t know what to say. I’m 37. I get married at 29 and then we start a slow alienation process. By the last four years basically we were two people living in the same house and taking care of our child, without any intimacy. No fights, but no hugs or kisses. She ended being annoying to me. Some events in the last months throw me in a very bad emotional state; usually I don’t care about being alone, but not this time. I have just one friend in another country, a good friend, but just a man. I used to have another friend, four years ago… a woman who I always admired and loved. We lost contact and since then I’ve been unable to forget her. She was always in my mind. So in a desperate act to search help I contacted her, and we met (I had the wrong idea that she hated me). We talk, for just an hour or so, and I was honest about my feelings. Nothing special, just as before, we joke and smile. And, after that, something was back in equilibrium inside me. My and my wife recover our intimacy. We now talk a lot. My wife now is completely different person, very charm. And I realised how much and passionately I love, and will love, my friend. But I’m just happy if I can see her from time to time, and draw a smile in her face. My wife knows, and she understands. Things are better now, but, unlike my wife, I still don’t feel really happy. I know this is a strange story. BTW, I work alone in my house and tough I appreciate my parents, doesn’t share any detail of my life with them. Thanks to all.

    • bella says:

      o0o. that is cool how you were able to balance things out with you wife after your mysterious meeting with this other lady.

      Now that you are recovered with your wife, it could be male friends or other friendships that you need! It is rough! Is there anyway you could work in a more traffic-ed environment? I would suggest heading out on your own and see what you find.

  4. Mary says:

    Hello all,
    Just like many of you, for years I felt alienated and spent hours asking myself what was wrong for me…Until I stopped feeling sorry about myself and I started instantly to feel better. If things are not going to change, then at least I won’t feel bad all the time about not having friends. And resist the temptation to seek the reaffirmation of people that would tell you that you are indeed a misunderstood, alienated individual. You are not! You’re just different in this particular aspect, but normal anyway! Negative thinking can drag you to really dark places. Realize you have negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations and good reading (preferably facts -something like National Geographic could help-; NO TV, magazines, or passion novels). Just don’t let negative thoughts cross your mind (yes, it’s a CHOICE your making) and you’ll instantly feel better. Choose to focus on the GOOD things you have, not the bad ones (everybody has defects, just not the same ones). I’t NOT easy (nothing is easy, perfect or fair in this world, once you accept that you’ll be happier), but it’s TOTALLY worth it. Trust me, I’ve been there.

  5. Tania says:

    Hi, I’m 47 and am currently in a situation of having no real friends. I was involved in a group which I became incredibly extroverted and made lots of friends very easily. I felt like a kid in a candy store. There were people in this community from all walks of life with interesting backgrounds and differing lives which I found intriguing. In the end the one common denominator which bonded the group was where my problem was. I no longer shared their core values and realised I wasn’t being true to myself and could no longer live an authentic life while engaging with various people from the crowd. Initially I was betrayed but soon learned a valuable lesson about myself. Being accepted, needed, wanted to the point of being popular caused me to betray myself. I know myself better now than to live in conflict with myself and sell out my own core beliefs and values. I chose to walk away from it and of course some chased after me but I resisted in going back. I went through the grieving process and the horrible sadness and loneliness that comes from it. I still don’t have any friends but I know for me it’s a temporary thing. In the mean time I’m connecting with myself and have undertaken numerous hobbies and have discovered I have many creative talents. Basically I’m happy but I do feel the pain of loneliness from time to time. I’m not close to my family anymore either as I have outgrown their dysfunctional behavioural practices and feel like an outsider now. My own family seem like foreigners to me from another planet. It’s literally not them but me that has changed. I’m grateful that I don’t have alot of drama in my life which I have had previously with friendships I made. I’m not isolated as I do get out and about and mingle with society but its only interraction on a surface level. Intimacy is probably what I miss the most about having a close friend. After reading everyones blogs on this site I now don’t feel so alone in being alone.

    • Amelia says:

      Hi Tania,
      I have posted replies to most individuals on here and I too am feeling the same. I am in Cleveland OH and have no true friends. People that claim they are my friends but never invite me anywhere, never call me (unless I call them and leave a voicemail) etc. It is very lonely. I am 44. Not married and no children in the home. My dogs are wonderful companions but I need to have another person to talk to. Believe me I can relate.

      • bella says:

        I get that too! Always having to reach out to people! Nobody really hits me up

        It’s rough. But I say .. continue to reach out to them, continue to be sociable with them and go out. Who knows? You could run into someone who really catches your fancy!

        A thing that I find funny is how people can get along in a work environment but outside of work do not interact. For example, I was working on a movie set and you are stuck with these people for hours on end. Really late night, early mornings…but once the project is over you don’t ever see them again! It is sad really…but maybe it takes just one person to reach out.

        I find that every time I reach out, someone answers. Not every person responds to me, but sometimes they do. And it makes me feel better.

        Just keep reaching out!

  6. Stephanie says:

    I am 14 and have at most five friends. I know I am a child to most of you all, and my friendship problems may seem “petty” to some of you- but they matter to me. Moving on from that, I am an Extrovert. I understand how hard it is to be an introvert and not be able to make friends, but it can be just as hard and painful for an extrovert. At school I am considered the class “bookworm”, because I always had my face buried in a book. By the time I realized I was losing friends because of it, it was too late. I have a few friends but I don’t really relate to them because they are all introverts except maybe one. I am going into a new magnet high school for, well, basically, nerds. None of my friends are going there and I will only, distantly, know a handful of kids from my school. I am very worried my reputation as “bookworm” will follow me, and that I will have no friends at my new school too. What do I do? I just want to stop feeling lonely and depressed.

    • Jen says:

      What’s wrong with being a bookworm? Yeah I know it makes for a lonely life. Maybe you’re more introverted than you think. Since you’re a bookworm like me, I recommend reading Quiet by Susan Cain. It might help. Books can be great friends too, as well as bookworms. Just try to strike a balance between spending time alone and connecting to others.

      • Kiki says:

        Nothing wrong with being a bookworm. Do whatever makes you happy. Why do we all have to be the same? It makes no sense whatsoever.

  7. Anne says:

    There are so many of us that are so lonesome. I find it very sad.

    Today is my 45th birthday and no one remembered it but me, not even my own mother which amazes me since I know she was there when I was born. This is so typical of my life. I honestly try so hard to be nice to the very few people I know… but am constantly met with rejection. I’ve been suicidal more times than I can count, I’m just so tired of being so alone. My husband is 25 years older than me and our relationship sucks. I’m his caregiver, I cook, clean, clip his toenails, and live my life around his insane schedule of 5 naps per day. I’m waiting for him to get up now from his second nap of the day so that I can go get a shower. I know he loves me, but it is not the fulfilling love that I so desire. He’s pretty much deaf and oblivious to my constant pain and loneliness. Actually I think he is somewhat aware of it but refuses to acknowledge it. Our whole relationship has been about me helping him. There is no passion in any aspect of our lives. I can’t go anywhere, do anything.. he’s basically an invalid and gets upset if I even think about doing anything without him.. but he’s not able to do anything. I feel like a prisoner here. There were a couple times over the years that I sort of developed friendships but husband ended those quickly, he did tell me once that he is afraid I will leave him if I meet anyone else.

    I have tried to remember the things that made me happy when I was a kid, to hopefully find some thing that will help me out of the despair but no luck with that. I do get outside in nature every day, we live way out in the ‘sticks’ here. I was abused as a young child by my older brother, no one defended me or protected me, then I married in my early twenties to a wonderful man.. we did have passion and happiness but he died in an industrial accident 2 years after, completely devastating me in every way. That was 21 years ago and I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over it. I am not ugly, obese, or nasty, in fact it seems I’m capable of turning heads but my situation prevents me from having any actual relationships. I think over the years a cloud of sadness has attached itself to me. I find it really hard to get through some days. I’m constantly busy with a lot of responsibilities to take care of daily, but it doesn’t distract me from the sadness in my life. Being unloved is a truly painful thing.

    Anyhow, thanks for being here, I’m hoping this will be some sort of therapy for me to write this stuff out. I did try a therapist a few years ago but I didn’t find it helpful at all, he actually hit on me then charged me $90. To all the others who are as lonely as me, I wish we could all get together and be happy even if just for an hour or two.

    • Amelia says:

      Happy Birthday Anne. I can relate to everything you have said. It is horrible to feel trapped. My ex was 18yrs older than me and manipulated me into moving to a different city to take care of his mother who had dementia. Eventually she went into a nursing home and he accused me of stealing from her and pulled a loaded gun on me right in the kitchen. Since then I’ve been alone and even more depressed. I know no one else here and as I try to make friends they all say the same thing..oh yeah we should get together. ..then I never hear from them again. Im in Cleveland OH if you are anywhere close. I would love to make a real friend.

      • Justine says:

        Amelia and Anne,
        I was just sitting here feeling the loneliness you both speak of and started to google my feelings about my marriage and stumbled on this site. My story is very similar in that my husband is 20 years my senior and for the most part, our marriage has dwindled in to an unbalanced, less than ideal circumstance. I now have very few friends and relationships that are less than fulfilling.
        My husband and I got along great for 10 years;we have 2 children and were pretty much the envy of other couples. We are both attractive, competent and he has great success in his career (without sounding too boastful I hope). I just mean we were happy and living vibrantly. Unfortunately due to several moves around the country because of his line of work, it has taken its toll. He has always been a heavy yet functional drinker and I had my party girl fun as well but we would balance one another.It was all fun for us. Over the past few years with all of the moves and perhaps his aging a bit,we fell apart. I rallied for the first couple of moves and was able to find friends and communities I connected with. I was fearless and rarely a depressed person. The last couple of moves took some wind out of me though. In addition, my husband’s testosterone level started to drop and then he began experiencing erectile dysfunction and a major “jerk off” attitude along with it toward me. At first I didn’t know what was happening to us, I was trying to keep our family a float during each move. He hid his issues from me for close to two years and basically treated me like the plague. His drinking became extremely heavy and then I discovered his physical issues. I was relieved to know that it wasn’t me he was so moody about, it was his own hormones and devastation regarding sexual dysfunction.I researched the issue and tried to work it out with him because I love him and I knew how much he desired me before this happened to him.I understood how this could be so bothersome for him.Unfortunately the male ego is not so resilient, we continue to struggle in our marriage today-he drinks heavily and I do too sometimes and I have become very depressed.There is little to no intimacy in our relationship but we do care about each other. But the moves and the stress and alcohol and emotional and physical abandonment has really overcome my otherwise carefree, tough personality.
        I am friendless because it is our 5th move and making friends at 40 seems harder than at 36,37, 38 for some reason or maybe I’m just worn down by everything. Family has not been there for me at all. I don’t have a very conscious family to begin with so it’s no surprise.They have actually caused me more stress.My mother would have been there for me but she is passed away. My three sisters are all younger than me yet they are adults but it seems they have abandoned me in my time of need and almost seem to be content with my suffering.
        Anyway, I feel like my life has fallen apart. I also tried a therapist for the first time but she had a break down on me and really wasn’t good for my well- being either. Whew! Feels good to get that off my chest. I am so sorry I rambled all of that, but it just came pouring out! Please forgive grammatical errors, I was just flying away with my fingers and a beating heart. Thx for sharing your stories, maybe we really aren’t so alone. BTW. Amelia, I grew up in Cleveland and all my sisters are there. I used to have such a full life with friends and love and now it seems everything took a terrible lonely turn for the worst. I was just praying that people would come in to my life yesterday,maybe this was the first sign of a turn around, Thanks guys for listening and I am sooo sorry I ranted so ferociously.Guess you can see how lonely I really am.I know all of this is a sign for me to fix what is wrong, but how painful it is to do it alone.

        • Amelia says:

          Ramble away. ….that’s why we are here. Just an FYI. ..my ex had the same sexual issues and they put him on testosterone and B12 shots. It altered his personality so much that he was violent and very egotistical. We divorced shortly afterwards. Be careful. There is no warning signs. Stay on this blog. It will help hearing from others. If you want feel free to message me on FB. Amelia Grace Jacobs in Seven Hills Oh. I’m searchable. Just let me know you know me from this blog. Would like to talk more about your days out here in Cleveland

    • Kiki says:

      Happy Birthday! Life is so complicated, and it is sad that humans just can’t seem to be humane. I am an educator who practices kindness, which is so lackng everywhere in the world. All humans are flawed, so DO NOT take to heart the foolishness (or flaws) of others.

      My advice, if you can afford it, is to get a dog. Their love, companship, and loyalty is mindboggling. Although they don’t talk, their love speaks volumes. I cannot imagine my life without the joy and purpose that my dogs so graciously share every single day. There is a reason why “Dogs are man’s(woman’s) best friend.” – again, Happy Birthday.

    • bella says:


      Wow! That sounds very hard to cope with. Why would your husband not let you make friends? I do not understand how one can not let the other person live…

      Not trying to bash anyone here. But it maddens me! You should be able to live your life! Have you ever thought of another care giver? Your story reminds me a bit of my grand parents. My grandpa got really sick and my grandma was constantly helping him, feeding,cooking, getting him bathed and into bed..

      eventually it got to be way to much and she had to have an extra hand to help her out. Now she gets to play gin rummy with her friends!

      I think you need to re-communicate with your husband that you canNOT live like this anymore.

      You just can’t.

  8. Lee says:

    You forgot 1 … Boring – do you bore your friends to tears ? Do you have verbal diarrhea so bad it compels you to only talk about the most boring minutiae in your life?

    • ADRA says:


      • Sarah says:

        I’m so sorry. You sound like you’re going through a hard time. I’ll be your friend. My name is Sarah, what’s yours?

      • Amelia says:

        You are on the right path. You’re here. We all are looking for acceptance. I pray we all can find what we are looking for. Its hard being the outcast. Ive lived it for 44 yrs. It isnt any easier now than it was back then but I keep trying. You do the same..keep trying.

        • Bev says:

          Hi there. I’m Bev, I’m 38 and I have no friends either. I have a 5 year old daughter who I’m dreading going to school as I will be alone all day. I cannot work due to mental health issues. The only people I ever speak to are my elderly parents and my daughter. I literally don’t have even one friend. I would love to go the pub or the cinema one day with a friend. Or maybe just a nice day out somewhere? The last time I went to the cinema was in 2006. I’ve never been to a nightclub. The brief times in my life that I have had friends, I’ve only ever got taken advantage of (I’m too generous etc). It’s very sad that there are so many lonely people out there. I hope we can all find at least one true friend very soon x

          • Sharon says:

            Hi Bev, I just wanted to let you know that I also have a daughter though she is a teen now. However I remember when she left for school so I can understand how you are feeling. On the other hand, her going to school is actually going to be an opportunity for you to make friends with the other Moms in her class. You could volunteer to be am Room Mom or just volunteer to help on Field Trips as a driver or chaperone. You’ll get close to other Moms that way. If you don’t want to be the Room. Mom you can still offer to help her. Also, just by waiting outside the class or school with the other parents will give you an opportunity to chat and become friends. Finally, when your daughter makes friends, you can invite her and her Mom for a play date and who knows you and she may become friends and she might introduce you to other Moms. I know this all sounds a little scary to do, but hey what have you got to lose right?! And you’ll be a positive role model for your daughter. Either way, good luck to you. I’m giving you this advice but personally I found it difficult myself to take it. But I tried. I just tried to ask people questions about themselves since most people like to talk about themselves! It’s not always easy, but I’m sure you can do it! Good Luck!! :)

          • bella says:

            Are there any other parents you can relate to? What about PTA meetings?

            Do they still have that?

  9. Silvia says:

    I have been leading a lonely life since a while. Though I am surrounded with many people, I dont feel the connection between me and them. I need someone or need something to do to distract me from this loneliness of mine, but I am afraid to open up as well. what should i do…..

    • Lorne says:

      Silvia, I understand you. I have so many people in my life I long a connection for. There is not a full integration with people & it seems hopeless but optimistic at the same time. You don’t have to open up, wait for the right moment & picture yourself strong, independent. Understand your loneliness, understand who you are. I’ve had a very few times where I found myself social & comfortable around people, very rare occasions.

      I’m going through this process now & I have to be patient. Love yourself & be your best friend.

    • Jen says:

      Silvia I understand feeling a lack of connection. Tonight I have plans with an old friend from college that I haven’t seen in years. The connection isn’t as strong as I felt in the past, but it will be nice to see her again. Also it will feel strange in the beginning of any friendship. I know it just gets tiring to have to start over again. It feels like by a certain age most people have established their relationships. I feel like I can’t keep up with everyone.

      • Jen says:

        Now I’m even more delayed. I guess I’m just too impatient? She cancelled on me because she was at the ER. I think bad luck and timing has a lot to do with things.

  10. gaile says:

    I Have No Family, I Need a Friend.

    • Amelia says:

      Hi Gaile;
      I can relate to you. Most of my family is deceased and the ones that are still around dont have anything to do with me because Im adopted and they dont accept me. My daughter is estranged and has sided with my ex husband. I havent seen or talked to her in almost 3 yrs now. Feel free to friend me on FB under Amelia Grace Jacobs in Seven Hills OH. We all need each other on here. Im so glad that this blog is here for people like us. This goes for anyone else out there that might want a friend. I need a friend also.

  11. Sheree says:

    I’m glad I came across this and I’m glad to see that comments are recent. I am an only child and I too find myself in this situation. Odd eh?

    I’m 27, and I think myself as a fun, chatty, bubbly and exciting person. My family consists of three; me, my mum and my dad. This is due to family arguments that occurred when I was a child, nothing to do with me.

    I have a partner, only of 3 months. Before that I was single for a few years, mostly due to choice, but before that held down a number of long term relationships. All of my partners friends and family really like me and are pleased he met me.

    I work full time in a very customer facing role where i deliver presentations to large groups of people and have to meet new people all the time. I always get on very well with people i work with.

    I do have a handful of people I will call acquaintances, not friends. I have no best friend and no group of friends, and since I met my partner my acquaintances seem to have drifted further apart, despite my making effort.

    Since I was a child I would go to friends houses to ask them to play, and would often find home again feeling sad and rejected. I left school at 16 to work, where school friends stayed at college, so in a way alienated myself from them. I didn’t go to university or college. When I have found a group of people to befriend, they have always been established, and me the newcomer, the outsider, and I have never really got “in” with them.

    It just seems to me when you get older, people have their family, they have their friends, their vacancies for new friends are closed and not accepting applications!

    Just kinda annoying cos as others have mentioned, I do a lot to go out of my way for people and seem to get nothing in return in the way of enthusiasm or effort.

    • Sheree says:

      I’ve also joined clubs, rubbing clubs, dance clubs, gym classes, I’ve done voluntary work at the local animal shelter but met no real friends. I had a best friend for 2 years from 2010-2012 but we lived about 10 miles apart and she dropped me when a new girl moved in next door. We are still friends but not as good. She meets new people so easily, I don’t know how she does it! She’s an only child so maybe we are not cursed lol!

    • bella says:

      it is so annoying.

      that is why i’ll go to the pub by myself and try to talk to people

  12. Karen says:

    I will just start off with I’m a teen so don’t go too hard on me.
    I had 3 friends and 1 of them became friends with my ex friend (who dumped me when I was getting bullied) and friend 1 chose her over me
    I had 2 friends then which wanted to go to a disco.
    My ex friend was going and decided to go with her. (My 2 friends are sisters) my 2 friends mom said 4 or more have to be in the group or they are not allowed to go so they rang me basically to get me to go I said no because my ex friend was going with them they got really thick with me because I said they were using me so they could go( by the way I tried to be friends with my ex friend multiple times) now I have no friends and need to know am I right or am I wrong (they sisters are very used to getting their own way)

    • Joel says:

      My dummy point of view. I believe in people good intentions. Even if they fail me, I try to think they are hummans… we all make mistakes. Beloving people even when they hurt us is real love, for sure, and losing faith in people makes the world a lot darker (I know… easy to say, hard to do… but well…).

  13. Denise says:

    I have had 2 best friends all my life. Well, one I thought was my friend, but she ended up stabbing me in the back. The other is no longer my friend because I moved 3,000 miles away and we just fell out of touch. I`m 51 and have no friends at all. I have work related aquaintances, but they are all men. I am the only female who doesn`t work in the office. But these guys are not my friends. They do not invite me to do anything, so there it is. I don`t belong to any groups to meet new people. The one woman who started at my work was a potential friend. or so I thought. We got along great and I thought we would hang out. She had a baby and stopped working. I loaned her money a few times with her promises to pay me back but never did. I stopped talking to her months ago. that really bummed me out and now I have no one. I am in a relationship, but hes a man and he doesn`t understand. He`s loved by all the people he works with and they invite him over their houses. With me included, of course. It`s been this way all my life. Even when I was married, I tried to make friends with my husbands friends` wives or girlfriends, but they just didnt seem to like me. I admit, years ago I used to be very shy meeting people. But I overcame it partly because I had to. My job requires me to talk to customers every day. But, I dont make friends because I dont go anywhere to meet them. I hang out with my boyfriend and that`s it. I have always wondered what is wrong with me. I`m not sure which vibe I`m giving out which says I`m not worth it to be a friend.

    • Jen says:

      Yes my job helped me learn to socialize better too. It’s good to remember how far we’ve come. But I’m still afraid people won’t like me or will think I’m weird. I’m still reluctant to open up with others.

    • Leslie says:

      Hi Denise,
      I can relate to you very well. I have had one best friend all my life but we don’t get together. She lives about a hour away and we will text each other maybe once a month to see how each other is doing but she has a lot of other friends and doesn’t include me in anything. I have had friends in and out of my life but no one that ever stuck. I have tried to become friends with my husbands wives or girlfriends, but don’t seem to like me either. I used to work in an office with all men as well and like you said, they aren’t friends. I am 45 and basically only hang out with my husband. When I am out and about I will try to say hi to people and be friendly the best I know how but that is about it, nothing ever comes of it. I get this idea in my head that everyone already has a best friend or a group of friends and aren’t looking to make new ones – especially at my age. When my husband is at work I basically just hang out around the house cleaning, redecorating or remodeling something that I see needs to be done. Everyday I keep myself busy doing something, probably so I can keep my mind off of being lonely. I used to be very shy as well but I have come out of my shell for the most part. Both my sisters are very social and are always going places with people and doing things but never ask me to go :( I don’t consider myself to be someone to avoid but maybe I give out some type of vibe that I don’t see as well.

    • lynn says:

      Hi Denise, first off I know exactly how u feel. I too work w all men. Is hard. And I too have a great guy who includes me in everything. But I have no friends..my parents have died. I have one son who has two kids..and he is always too busy for me. I get sad. My boyfriend is great. But I get lonely inside. Im 49 and spent my whole life searching for girlfriends to go shopping.have dinner. Etc. There were times when I left my work fri night not to talk to anyone until Mon am back in work. Denise we r both lucky we have relationships and have someone to partner up w . I feel ur pain and I understand exactly how u feel. I guess I just let one day roll into the next.

      • Michelle says:

        Hi Lynn , my mane is Michelle. U r sound like a nice person. I would love to be ur friend if u live in O.C. I have friends but still want to make more. I’m 43 n love to go shopping, dinner, movies… etc. I am married but my hub work a lot n over nite so I find lonely sometime even though I have friends but they r have young kids n pretty much busy w/their kids.

  14. Fai says:

    Hello all!
    I am 19 and I can say that I have no friends. My family came the US when I was 10. Of course I did not expect a warm welcome at school since kids can be cruel. I made a two friends in Middle School. One is not a mother of three and a wife. The other is in the military. But when we get together we have a great time. I also made three friends in High School but we live in different states now because of college. I decided to go South for college and find that the girls here are very “cliquy” and very over the top dramatic. It is hard for me to make friends at my university. I do think is wrong with me. Most people I end up befriending are usually shock at how fun I am or they did not expect me to be like that. Most people think I am very uptight or weird because I am really quiet. Although, I have completely immerse myself in the American culture, I find it hard to shake the “do not speak unless spoken to” saying. In class I would meet really cool people but once class is over we are not really friends. I must admit I have no problem meeting guys. Guys always like me wherever I go. They never want to be friends but they always want a relationship. I just have issues meeting girl friends. Anyways, I digress. I am always in my room and in the cafe I sit alone. I go to BCM which is like a campus Bible study. I did not make one friend there either. I don’t know what to do anymore. College is expensive so sometimes I think I should put all of my energy on school rather than friends but I feel like it will be much more enjoyable if I had friends to share it with.

    • Jen says:

      Are there are clubs or organizations to join? Many girls join sororities to make girl friends. You’re lucky you’re able to be in relationships with guys! I find that just as difficult, if not harder! I was also taught to keep my mouth shut. My parents never followed the “children are to be seen and not heard” philosophy, but I’m certainly familiar with it. With the way things are now, I can’t help but blame my parents to some extent. I’m really clueless when it comes to making friendships now. I could do it as a kid, but now I’m completely at a loss. It’s not that I don’t know how, I just feel like I was kept too protected and isolated. Now I don’t know how to break free.

    • Joel says:

      I was also quiet when I was young. In meetings I spooke very little, but I was kind and always had a smile; this avoid my total isolation for sure. First years at University were very, very hard… the first year I did go to classes and then just go home and cry. I was weird, so I don’t blame anyone. Now I’m very different, I’m an introvert/extrovert… but still I can’t make friends. Actually I have my wife, my kid, one friend in another country and I’ve just recovered a lovely friend some days ago, who I lost years ago because I wasn’t able to be fully honest with she and myself.

    • aaliyah says:

      Hi Fai,

      I’m exactly the same as you! I’m 19 and just finished my first year at university. I told myself before that I would make friends at uni but after finishing my first year I have not made a single close friend and I don’t have a group of people to hang out with or go partying with from my university, despite living at halls. I’m going to be living at home and commuting to uni for the rest of my course so it will probably be even more difficult to make friends. I have a few friends from school but I feel like two of them don’t want to be friends with me anymore, I tried to arrange meeting up with them but they didn’t reply to my message or kept calling it off. I am generally a shy and quiet person and not very good at socializing but I wouldn’t say I’m over introverted though and people have told me that I’m confident and funny. A lot of guys approach me and show interest but yeah most of them are interested in a relationship with me not friendship… I find it hard to make and keep girl friends too. I am lucky to have a great boyfriend (from another university) and he has a lot of friends, he’s really popular, I only started going partying when I met him and I met all his friends, but because I’m not at the same university as them I’m not that close with them, I only see them when my boyfriend invites me to go out with him and his friends. He’s always seeing lots of different friends and doing things and I just feel so sad and lonely at home, or going shopping on my own, he asks me what I’m doing and I even sometimes make up that I’m doing something with friends so he doesn’t think I’m a weird loner with no friends.

      I’ve tried to meet new people by joining societies and doing volunteering but I haven’t made any close friends, just people who I talk to occasionally if I see them around. I just really would like a group of friends I can hang out with at uni. All my old friends from school have made lots of friends who they hang out with ( I can see by all their facebook pictures). I know it’s me that’s the problem, I just don’t know how I can change this. It’s so hard. I don’t like being alone all the time.

      • Joel says:

        My first year at University was terrible. So many years ago but I didn’t forget. As far as I can recall things that helps it’s being a “little stupid” sometimes and making some jokes about classes or something. No one loves perfect smart good people (except if you’re searching girlfriend/boyfriend of course).

  15. Jay says:

    I have no j or car.Ive been single for 6 months.And i am so ready to get layed.I hate trying to get layed after being in a long ass same old same old relationship.I have to be funny and charming after 3 yrs of fighting and being conditioned to hate women.But it never fails,Ill get my shit together and by next summer Ill be pulling leg like it aint shit.Ill be relaxed and in shape.Life will be good.Just like it was b4 i got in a boring ass relationship.I might even regain respect for myself.As long as i dont take pitty on some girl and let em move in and start bleeding me dry.Ill stay happy.As long as i have money Ill never have to worry about being lonely.So yea my life sucks a beach ball through a coffee straw now.Im broke like a bum.I look like shit and feel like shit.And as a result im insecure.But take a picture cause this isnt going to last long.And I vow to never let a BITCH back into my heart again.

  16. Cherish says:

    Has anyone else noticed how many of us mention being only children? Coincidence? Would love to hear from you.

    • Rachel says:

      I’m not an only child. I’m the eldest of three but I may have well been there is 7yrs between me and my sister and 9between me and my brother. I went to soooo many schools while growing up. At last count it was somewhere in the vicinity of 25+. Which included 3 high schools (yrs 7-11). I was never able to learn how to keep friends. Sure I could make friends but keeping them was another story. So still to this day I have none. I started high school while my sister just started infants. I hated not having siblings at the same school. I hated being the eldest. I always had to break the ice–makeup was forbidden. I didn’t get my ears pierced till I was 13and 3days even then my mum got into shite for getting them done,from my dad. So by the time I was 16 I had pierced my own ears 4 more time up each ear in total I had 10 earrings. Lol. I was such a rebel by then. But still a square I didn’t start to smoke cigarettes until I was 16 at my yr 10 camp,we went to Canberra. I just never fitted in anywhere. I didn’t even fit in with my own family. I heard from my sister today and she told me that dad said to her that she was always a good girl until she moved in with me. It made me feel like crap. I thought gee dad thanx a lot. As if my life isn’t hard enough without that stuff going around in my head. Bastard!!!

      • Amelia says:

        Cherish and Rachel…I’m an adopted only child so that is a double kick. My adoptive father was military so I also went to many schools. Usually it was just one year then changed again. I can get out there and socialize but usually after a few minutes people migrate away and I find myself standing alone. That’s when I usually leave. Most people don’t even notice I’ve left either. I do think the only child aspect as well as being shifted around hurts us as adults. I’ve pretty much given up at this point. I sit alone and have come to accept it.

  17. Camel says:

    Right, Jen … the social alien has been alienated and not other way round – so ‘socially alienated’ might be accurate :-)

    Thus the socially alienated( for lack of a term), have a desire to gel with others and be normal. Possibly, they have adapted to being called introverted because there is no where else to go, so as to say. Rather, they yearn for bonding and more due to lack of one. This yearning makes them introspective and probably empathic too!

    Only thing they lack is the skill and mirror. Let’s pray that there exists a way to impart the skill!

    • Amelia says:

      I must ask this….Camel…do you even know what any of us go through? Do you go through it? I get the impression that you are on here to simply analyze what you feel is an appropriate description. Unfortunately, unless you truly suffer from what we as individuals are experiencing then all the analysis in the world isnt going to help you to relate or acknowledge what is actually happening. I personally am not an introvert nor do fit the “social alien” profile as you call it. Im simply making a notation as to what is felt internally after reading your comments.

  18. Camel says:

    Hello All … The issue is with lack of voice tone/inflection modulation as per the context of situation/speech. And lack of ability to quickly read and respond to social cues

    If we commit any blunder on these points, others alienate us. Reason no one points out is because this is an uncommon thing and people don’t want to appear rude as they are unsure of what to say to the social alien, for lack of better word :-)

    Friendship is formed through emotional connect and that happens with people you feel are like yourselves. Social aliens, unknowingly, stand apart. People are not comfortable with them being around – though no one says so

    Please comment if you disagree. If it strikes chord ponder and let me know – we all can grow together :-)

    • Jen says:

      Your theory is very scientific. I like it. However I think the “social alien” is very much aware that he or she is different. If not, we wouldn’t be here right now!

  19. Annabell says:

    I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one! I’m only 14 and have absolutely zero friends. I’ve tried to do sports, hang out with people, everything. Once I get a friend they dump me :( I’m scared to go to high school, I just wish I had one person I could talk to other than my mom. My mom and family are the only friends I have… Funny thing is I used to be a social butterfly when I was smaller.
    In school now there are nice kids sorta. These three populars tell me how pretty I am and that I should be a model and blah blah but thing is, they aren’t good friends they talk behind each other’s backs and do weird things. They’re fake friends. I wish the best of luck to everyone! Your not alone, and it’ll get better :D

    • Camel says:

      Hey Annabel, it is good that you spot fake people. Remember, better be away from such people than have such friends!

  20. Heather says:

    I find that friends come and go like seasons. I have “work” friends, but when I switch jobs, I may keep in touch with one, but not the others and then find a new group at my next job. I have “friends” from HS that I never see and only text or fb with and a friend or two in the neighborhood that pending our busy lives on whether we talk or not. Making and keeping friends can be hard work, particularly now with technology, interactions have changed. Hang in there. Friends will come and go like seasons do. Some stick around, while others blow out with the wind. Try not to take it personally.

    • Jessica says:

      Good comments Heather :)

      My son has no friends. Like a lot of the people posting here, he feels unjustifiably stigmatized and can’t understand why. A few of the comments here are word for word his laments.

      So, I love my son dearly, but he is a bit of an ass. He rarely smiles, he’s quite opinionated, easily angered, and constantly finding fault with the way he is mistreated by others or the universe in general. When others try to give him suggestions he dismisses the comments with some excuse. So really, I dont think he wants to change, but finds some sick comfort in feeling ostracized and victimized.

      Really he has prioritized his loneliness as the primary focus of his life. There are plenty of small ways he could engage with others. I would LOVE to get a call or text from him just acknowledging something in my life, as would his siblings and perhaps even a number of his aquaintances he has dismissed as not being friends.

      I know it sounds like he is not a very thoughtful person, but if you ask him, he will recount MANY “nice” things he has done for others, but with no result. The point is to not keep count.

      The point is to move away from the loop of loneliness and focus on blessings. They are present in at least as much abundance as the negatives. They are just sometimes more difficult to focus on.

      The point is to realize that you really may have to change yourself and your attitudes if you truly want to have friends. It IS hard work as Heather says.

      • Noelle says:

        I have just read tons of these posts and can identify with so many. I am 47 and felt like I had to struggle to be included all my life and still do. I have joined groups and associations and have involved myself in my daughters activities to meet parents and even go to the gym regularly to attempt to find friends that will actually include me in their get togethers. It just doesn’t happen. They friend me on FB and will include me in conversations in these places but rarely invite me to get togethers. I find out about them when a conversation is initiated at the gym or other groups I try to be involved in. I just don’t get it… Why am I not acceptable to anyone?

        • Amelia says:

          I am in the same situation. When my daughter was little I tried to be a brownie troop leader. All the parents pulled their kids out. I felt bad because my stigma followed my daughter. Now my daughter is estranged and doesnt even want me around. It hurts terribly. I know God loves me and I find some comfort in that but none the less people want to be around people. Period.
          Someone made a suggestion that we need to form our own groups from this blog based on our locations. I think that is a great idea. We all understand what each other is going through and we would benefit from one another. Im in Cleveland OH.

      • Joel says:

        That’s sooo true, in many cases, but not all. I was a bit something like this when I was young. Actually I manage very well with people at work or any social situation; nevertheless making friends is another thing. Your description sound a lot like my brother; thank god he has some friends.

  21. Rain says:

    I have an answer to all of your problems .. please read !
    If you want to make a difference in your life volunteer !!
    When you help others your not thinking about your problems and you will feel inner love that money can not buy .
    My advice is go to your local nursing home center and volunteer your time as the staff member which resident has no friends or family that visits them . I bet there will be a few of them , then open your heart and be a friend to them , just you stopping by and spending time with them for 20 min. a week can make a difference . These people are alone , sad and wouldn’t it be nice before they pass on that someone like you who thought no one likes can make a difference in there life .
    God put us here for a reason and that is to help others and by helping others you are helping yourself . Sitting at home is not going to do you any good if anything it will cause more health problems .
    Ask yourself what makes you mad ? Once you know what mades you mad volunteer
    example .. Do drunk drivers make you mad ? Find a group or start a group
    What about child sex trafficking that is a huge global problem
    I think you get my point find something or start something and make a mark on this world everyone can make a difference !

    • Amelia says:

      I dont think you understand Rain. Most of us, including myself, have done these things and it doesnt work. I’ve volunteered many times and have always been told the same thing over and over…”thanks but we have enough volunteers now”. If you cant get invited out and you try to schedule get togethers and no one shows..what makes you think that starting a group would be any different. If you dont experience these things then you would have no understanding as to why these things dont work. These would be setting people like me up for even more rejection. Think about that.

      • martha says:

        I understand. I have the same experiences. Finally, after 25 years I got together with girlfriends last weekend for a wonderful camping trip. I had to ask why now? And how long will this last? After all, I see other ladies getting together frequently. The volunteering quest is good, but it stands in a different category that is far away from friendships from our own age group. I also tried to volunteer at a thrift shop for battered women. My story is the same as yours. I have calculated my physical appearance. I am not obese or ugly and I dress nicely. I have a great home and a nice family. I ask the same questions. I have wondered if it is because I am not what I call a mean and materialistic lady. My definition of mean girls are those that gain confidence bullying other or talking behind their back to ensure the foundation for an adult click. This behavior usually begins in childhood. I am also an only child.

        • Amelia says:

          Agreed. I was bullied, alienated, and adopted on top of everything else. My adoptive mother is a narcissistic bipolar mess and I never understood a lot of the alienation from her until now. But it is almost inevitable that things ended up the way they did. It was because that is what was expected.

          This Church thing doesnt work. I can guarantee it. Tried it. Been there done that. If you havent been there then you dont understand. I tried volunteering at the church. It never worked. I went to one event and then I was told..”oh we have enough volunteers but thanks”.

          So please if you havent succeeded with a method dont suggest it. Mainly because we have all pretty much tried it.

      • Rain says:

        Hello Amelia ,
        I know all about rejection and yes it hurts it hurts real bad , Then I started seeking God and reading the Holy Bible and that was when I realize God was speaking to my heart because my heart was so broken from not receiving love from friends and family .
        Not having a friend is not the end of the world I realize as long as I have God in my life he fills me with love . God gives me the strength that when I do get rejected by others and i know I will it doesn’t upset me like it use to . Because I look to God and know he loves me and he forgives me and he will never turn his back on me and that is so powerful it brings tears to my eyes because I wish I could tell everyone who is hurt that God heals if you let him .
        I saw this poem on line years ago and wanted to share it .

        Reason, Season, or Lifetime

        People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
        When you figure out which one it is,
        you will know what to do for each person.

        When someone is in your life for a REASON,
        it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
        They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
        to provide you with guidance and support;
        to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
        They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
        They are there for the reason you need them to be.

        Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
        this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
        Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
        Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
        What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
        The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

        Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
        because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
        They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
        They may teach you something you have never done.
        They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
        Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

        LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
        things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
        Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
        and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
        It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

        — Unknown

        • Lois says:

          Omg Rain, you are the real deal…i cant express what you wrote has already impacted my life n just reading your post have truly confirmed my life at this point. I have turned my life truly over to God…i pray and read his word all the time. I realized that needing a close friend isnt as important to me like i had so desire in the past. God has bought me through a place where he need me to give him the focus nd glory. Im so much content and satisfied establishing a intimate relationship with him.

          I so agree that people come into your life for a reason, season lifetime or possible ALL. Thanks so much for confirmation. Its hard to explain my emotions from your words nd your sharing of that poem. It truly pray that others will find what we already know for fulfillment on this temporary earthly journey.

          “TO LIVE IS CHRIST”

      • Lace says:

        From years of pondering this same question. . .consider this option. . . that perhaps spending time with you makes others feel bad about themselves because you might speak more educated than they do. . . or you have more of a moral compass and hold yourself to a higher standard . . .or you might have a lot going for you as far as talent, ideas, looks, accomplishments, etc. People might even admire you for your strength and independence due to their higher need for people. So the more time they spend with you the harder it is to relate to someone they might just wish they could be and cannot. Jealousy or that they’re intimidated by you could be first and foremost the problem. It’s because you carry yourself differently. Deep down you know you do. It’s who you are. AND i’d bet most of the time you are a better, more conscientious, caring person, willing to do the right thing and if you were perfect it wouldn’t be enough for those that close the door in your face for they want to find fault with you. . . why? . . .because you’re a winner . . . don’t doubt it. . you are and those that shut you out know it. You can stand alone and be just fine. Focus on your life and realize you don’t need others to feel whole. Those that know your value are worth your time. . . the others aren’t worth the heartache because it’s not really about you. . . it’s about the fact that you’re not good for their mental balance. . . you’re just a casualty in their war against their own insecurities. Spend more time thinking about you and your goals and less time about what others think about you. You can’t change what they want to think. So give them something to really talk about and go be you fully and freely and you’ll find like minded people.

  22. Dunn says:

    Hi Anna.
    I can relate to being an introvert. I have been one most of my life. I too was an only child. I agree with you. People do not seem to like introverts much.

    I do not know how many people have acted like there was something wrong with me because I was more to the quiet side. For the most part, I am content with who I am. People find that odd too. They seem to think I should feel bad about myself and try to be more extroverted. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert.

  23. Joel says:

    Another no-friends here!. I have just no one to talk. I have just one friend but he is on another country; we chat but we don’t talk about feelings and such things. I love my wife but she isn’t very sensitive (may be if I’m just about to cut my veins she ask “are you ok?” XD). I was fairly popular at my previous work but for some reason I’m not good making friends (I’m smart, fun, charm, bla bla bla). I’m working at home now and getting a bit depressed. Of course it’s me. I don’t care other’s people defects; there’re days when I would kill for a shallow-phony-dumb friend to dinner with. I’m trying to do more things, like writing, learning to play guitar, etc… that helps a little bit but I’m still listening The Cure saddest themes. Sometimes I have a recurring desire of getting a deadly disease… (I know that’s dumb and selfish…). I like to see the good side of all things… like if I die there will not be too much sad people! :D (just kidding XD). Well, I guess I have to hold on… as always. Nice to know I’m not alone! (well, I am XD). Thanks nice people.

  24. Rachel says:

    I too have no friends. I have a husband who works a lot so he’s hardly ever home. I went to over 25 schools, so any friends I had I no longer have. I sit in my house day after day by myself. I try to get out on my motorbike just so I’m not looking at the same 4 walls. Some days it’s just too hard to go riding by myself so I don’t.i play games on my ipad I watch tv I do craft whatever I can do just to pass the time. Even my own family don’t want anything to do with me. It was my birthday on the 8th July I turned 45 my husband took me out to dinner and I saw my son for about 1hr. But not one of my family called to wish me a happy birthday, my mum is passed on so I still have my dad and a sister and a brother. But nothing! No phone call nothing. I sent my dad a text message hinting saying happy birthday to me and I got nothing. I had a heart attack 18months ago none of my family came and saw me in hospital. Even though it could have been the last time they ever saw me,they didn’t care. On the 29th of July this year I will have stopped smoking weed for 12months I no longer have any ‘pot’ friends either cause they can’t get free weed from me anymore. I went to drug and alcohol counseling for 6months, I also did personal counseling but nothing helps. I’ve tried CBT but it doesn’t work for me I can out think the counsellor. Lol. That’s quite funny I think. !! I am so sick and tired of always taking the initiative and inviting ppl to meet for cuppa or go fishing cause they are always busy then they post it on Facebook that they went fishing with whoever. I have erased my FB account so many times just cause it hurts to hear ppl having a good time with other ppl. Doing whatever I never get invited I never am included. The last job I worked at there was another girl who’s birthday is the same day as mine, the other female staff members bought her a cake and I was left out. So I jacked up and wouldn’t talk to them. They never included me in any of the outings or get togethers I got sick of being forgotten. I no longer work there. I no longer work at all my body is falling apart my doctor said I have the back of a 60yr old. I have arthritis bad in my back and can’t have any medications cause it will interfere with my heart meds, so I’m in pain a lot of the time. I don’t want to live like this anymore, I want peace. I’m tired of being on my own all the time. I’m so tired of life.

    • Jamie says:

      Damn…im so sorry to hear that Rachael. Im Sending you an e-HUG!!!!!! Yeah I cant stand fake ppl like that. One minute there your best friends and they have your back, then all of a sudden you make a change in your life then they are nowhere to be found. Im real sorry your going through so much pain. Nobody deserves to live like that. Im happy that you have a great guy thats supporting you through all this, we need more supportive ppl like that, to replace all these no good selfish ppl in the world

    • annna says:

      Listen up Rachel,
      Not all people are as shitty as the people who are constantly on Facebook. I’ve learned that people who pimp themselves out all over social media are very very insecure.
      I would keep your facebook, but just never ever visit it. Or delete it, and never look back.

      You might not see it this way right now, but life is a beautiful thing. Your family sucks for not remembering your birthday. But you know what, thank god for your husband. I’m 22 years old and on my birthday, my boyfriend, mother, and sister were the only ones who wished me a happy day. My ‘best friend’ didn’t remember. I got no presents from my parents. I got presents from my boyfriend. Sometimes your blood family has no idea how much their ignorance really hurts you. Don’t carry the wedge of a burden on your shoulders, just remember that sometimes everyone you wish wouldn’t disappoint you, one day will let you down.

      HAPPY BIRTHDAY (belated! hehe)
      If you want to keep in correspondence with someone who LOVES birthdays, loves to celebrate the continued life of her friends, please message me. My ‘best friend’ who forgot my birthday, I got her a cute mug, and bought her an expensive dinner for her birthday. Sometimes you just keep giving, in the hope that one day someone will return the favor.
      But when the returns are diminishing, cut that leech off, don’t let a terrible friend suck the life out of you. You are worthy of friends, and I’m offering you my virtual hand *offers hand*

      • Rachel says:

        Thanx for the happy birthday. I know life is beautiful. I love Mother Nature she has made some wonderful things in this world. Sometimes it’s just gets soo hard to enjoy it.
        I’ve tried everything to make new friends but they just end up letting me down. I think I’m a nice person,and would help anyone who asks for help. They just never seem to want to help me if I need it. So I’ve just learnt to rely on me. Anyway I’ve had a reasonable day today and I wanted to say Thanxfor the words of encouragement and thanx for the happy birthday. I’m nearly ready for bed just gotta have my night meds 5 more tabs down the stomach,lovely. Get sick of taking these tablets. Grrrr but I gotta take em. Thanx again and to all the other ppl for their input it helps to know there are others out there in the same or similar situation as myself. Even if you all are across the other side of the world. I’m down under!!

    • Dunn says:

      I am so sorry you are going through a hard time. I too struggle with making friends and keeping them. I have a lot of friends on Facebook but I only have a few I get together with anymore. It is not very often.

      My family is not very supportive of me either. My
      mom and dad and his gf are there for me(and a few other
      relatives). I guess I should
      thank my lucky stars for that.

      I have a lot of relatives and it seems most of them just do not care. It is becoming more evident as I get older and it hurts. I have gone to countless events and supported them over the years. Not to mention I have spent a lot of money on them. I never get anything in return. I just cannot believe they can be so thoughtless. I too was sick. Not as sick as you were and I mentioned it on facebook. I got hardly any well wishes. Nobody called to see how I was or if I needed anything. Unbelieveable.!

      When I accomplish something, it’s like most of them do not even want to hear about it. They do not seem to be the least bit interested in me. I kept trying with a lot of people because they were related or old friends but I really am tired of it. A lot of them are one way. They expect out of me but give very little. I am changing my ways. It’s to the point I would rather be alone or with my bf.

      • Suzie says:

        I can relate. I used to think I had a close relationship with my cousins, who are sisters- I always sent them cards and gifts on their birthdays and rarely got anything back (one of them even said “I thought your birthday was November (whatever)”; my reply- tired of it all by this point: “No, it’s always been October 11th”). Now I don’t bother acknowledging their birthdays, and I would describe my relationship with both of them as friendly but casual. I actually feel better about myself now, whereas before I got disappointed over and over again. At the risk of sounding like a narcissist, sometimes you just have to put yourself first. :)

    • Amelia says:

      Hi Joel. I wanted to jump in to this feed with my own post but all I could do is reply. I apologize for that.
      Im 44 yrs old and have no friends either. My ex husband has managed to stray my 20 yr old daughter away from me as well. I havent seen or talked to her since November 2012. That breaks my heart more than anything. As far as the “friend” thing goes. ..well people “say” they are my friend but absolutely none of them ever invite me anywhere with them. Ive never insulted or embarrassed anyone so I dont know what the reason is. Im an extrovert though. Ive been reading that most of the individuals on here are introverted. So anyway at 44 I am divorced, my daughter is estranged and my “friends” never include me. Im starting to actually get scared that I will always be alone and die alone as well. Ive tried “meetup” and volunteering to try to make friends but it just seems that people just dont want to be bothered with me. Period. Not really sure where to go with this and where im going either. Help???

      • Joel says:

        Well, it’s hard to try to give some advice feeling myself as a social failure. Also, most of “logic” tips really doesn’t work. But I’ve learned a bit in through the years. Most of the pain is from the idea of what can be, like feeling you have so much to give, feeling you are wasting your life inside four walls without giving and receiving affection. You ask “why”, and it hurts. You see friends meeting and talking everywhere and you wish to live the same way. Now some facts regarding me are: 1. I’m different, I can’t fight against this. 2. I’m not better or more important than anyone. 3. I try forgive anyone who has rejected me or caused me pain, we are humans. 4. I don’t take my own life too seriously. 5. If I really deserve love, then I should be able to give receiving nothing or very little. 6. I try to enjoy small things, like leaves failing in autumn or a cappuccino cup. Of course it’s not about thinking in a way or another, I know the anguish, the anxiety, the pain. Everyone has his own internal way to travel, his own darkness and storms to withstand, and his own daemons to confront. Hope this make sense for someone else. Please smile, lonely people!.

      • martha says:

        I have wondered what it would be like if all of us that feel this way got together? I am sure there are others in our areas of USA that feel the same. I wonder if this could happen? My friends have sisters and some have great extended families. People are clueless about what life is like for the lonely. The outcome of that adds to this dilemma. Whiner is what others have called me because they don’t have a clue and refuse to try to see.

        • Bev says:

          Hi Martha,

          Alas, I live in the UK but that’s a great idea you’ve put out there. I hope it comes to fruition

    • austin says:

      have you tried going to a church, church is a great place to make friends at just try it even if you don’t believe in all of that stuff.

      • BUDDY INGRAM says:

        OUGH – the inevitable ” . . . go to church . . . even if you don’t believe in all that stuff . . . ” response. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with we who have no friends – we take things so seriously that we would never dream of partaking in a church service for something other than it’s intended purpose. I couldn’t sit through that with an ultimatum, but “Lord knows” I’ve known many to do it – looking for work, husbands, lovers, whatever.

    • C.j says:

      Hey Rachel, sorry about everything you’ve been through. That’s really rough. I feel so alone too, with no friends, but I haven’t been through everything you have. And the fact that you’ve been through all this, and you are still standing, means that you are a survivor. If I knew how to help, I could give you some words of encouragement, but unfortunately, I don’t have have much. You know what? You deserved to enjoy your birthday anyway! Forget them! Keep being strong for the rest of us.

  25. Jamie says:

    I APOLOGIZE FOR THE DOUBLE POST!!!!!!!! my phone, for whatever reason loaded and reloaded the page so somehow my msg got sent twice. Anna that is just stupid how that Boss you had alienated you like that. So what your different. The people that don’t just think out of the box, they actually come right out the dang box lol, are the people that are awesome and we misfits have to stick together because we try and weave ourselves into people lives and we just don’t get accepted. I don’t get it.

  26. Jamie says:

    Seems like there is a lot of ppl that are being ignored by this ever changing phony society. I just dont understand why that I get demonzied for being weird/different. In this world when your a certain age your suppose to act a certain way and do certain things thus trends are born. I laugh at these trends and how these one dimensional ppl obey and follow every command. There is no free will it seems because everyones doing the exact same stuff, and because im not interested in those things I am frowned upon and deemed an outsider which is just not fair but hey; life is never fair. I’ve realised that one of my flaws is trust. I dont really trust anyone. From having a mom that heavily used drugs and abandoned my sister and I when I was 6yrs old, to living with an alcoholic/abusive father that one day I had enough of hime beating me and my sister for no reason so I fought back. I’ve been backstabbed by those I’ve called friend, so yeah it seems I have always gotten the short-end of the stick but im still alive so that’s a plus. I have tried fitting in and changing my beliefs and how I view the world just to share things in common with people that got me nowhere because the people that I did get cool with were just interested in the fairy tale person I created and his inside they didn’t care about the real me. I mean who would when I’ve portrayed a lifestyle that wasn’t my own. But on the other hand I’ve tried telling people about the real me and idk I guess it just doesn’t interest anybody because I haven’t really accomplished anything. I’m a huge gamer RPG, platforming, action/adventure,racing, any genre I love because Video games are my passion because I wanna become a game developer one day but that is seen as childish, foolish as I’ve been told. It’s not that I’m your common couch potato of a son that lives in his parents basement playing video games with empty boxes of pizza everywhere, dirty clothes all over the floor, and the smells!!!!!! No I’m a 22yr old man that had his own apartment and paid all the bills himself, before the bullshit economy crap took my job away and unemployment told me to kick rocks. Now my brother and I live in our own house and every bill is 50/50 I work at Walmart and bust my ass every single day from the time I clock in till the time I clock out. I’m helping out in so many departments because whenever lazy ppl call off or they quit, or help is needed they call me because they know I’m real dependable and will give 1001% to get the job done. I workout Mon-Fri rest Sat and stretch on Sun so I keep myself in shape and my cardio are through the roof because I love running. I am a little guy lol only 135 lbs and due to my good for nothing “The Flash” metabolism, I do not gain a lot of weight and so I cannot get real big though I would never want to anyway. I believe that happened as a result of the led poisoning I had when I was 4 but that’s another story . I am comfortable with the results I have now so I’m happy. So yeah I work hard and most of my time is video games. I love finding bugs glitches like hey I have a knack for this stuff so why not get paid to do what I love. I’m trying to save so I can get back in school and get my degree so I can pursue a career in this field but because I’m getting paid peanuts that will take awhile and that frustrates me so much. And it doesn’t help that the city I’m in is just dying more and more everyday, I mean there moving the county fair far away to the countryside because that community took action and fought to have the fair in their area. Nobody cares for this city anymore and everyone’s leaving, businesses are closing down and relocating. But back to the matter of hand. I work work work enjoy my video games I just don’t have friends or a girlfriend anymore. My ex and I were together for 2 and a half years and…….I can’t even long story short this because its complicated. I already stated my life story and typed everyone’s ear off lol. If you want me to go into detail of what happened I won’t mind my thumbs just need a break. But yeah, I work really hard, play video games all the time, seldom goto the movies because its just so much trash and remakes etc. I just don’t have any friends, I mean the ppl that I have been friends with moved to other states, even other countries, but we stay in touch. To be honest I don’t see why ppl try and belittle me or say I’m wrong. I would love to hear what anybody has to say on the matter, maybe there’s something I’m not seeing perhaps.

    • bella says:


      Well I admire how you are working very hard. You are 22 years old. There are so many other young people out there partying, going on vacation..it’s horrid. Honestly the only advice I can give is tough it out for a bit, continue on your track of saving money and try to get into the field you love. There you might meet like minded people! I know a lot of people who are into gaming and such!

      Is there anyway you can travel/ move? Sometimes that helps. Also, though, you feel the same way in a different environment.

  27. Anna says:

    I really don’t have any friends either and when I try to make friends, I can’t keep them. I’ve always had trouble making friends. I’m an introvert and always have been. People definitely don’t like introverts. That was hard for me growing up and now I have social anxiety and don’t like being in groups of people. I don’t have the confidence to try and make friends now so I don’t try. Generally people don’t like me and don’t want to be my friend because I’m quiet. I don’t say anything offensive ever, or mean. Of course I always watch what I say. I get shunned at work too. At one job the boss invited the other girls in the office to go out hiking, but not me. I was the only one sitting in the office by myself. It was so humiliating and embarrassing that I quit. I disagree with another post. Things don’t always just “work themselves out” or the right people just come into your life. I’m in my forties and that has never happened for me. I wish that was the case.

    • Anna says:

      There is nothing wrong with being an introvert, you just rather be on your own because its less drama and more time and energy you get to spend on yourself. I see this as no problem at all as I am a very quiet person and most of the time I would rather be alone than too be around people who don’t want my company. I was also bullied in primary school so I know how that feels and I did have friends growing up but they were mainly boys. It’s always the way though, us quiet people, others just don’t want to hear what we have to say. I also had the same problem when I was working at a small law firm, the boss would take everyone out for lunch either christmas or easter and he wouldn’t tell me or invite me, he would only ever tell me they were going to lunch when they were actually leaving the office and then I was always left by myself for hours on end with pressure from angry clients because he would not answer his mobile or he had said that he would “call them back” but never actually did. I too wish it was easy for me too make friends but its not and sometimes its just not going to happen “just like that” cause the only person I can rely on is my boyfriend.

      • Bev says:

        I sympathise with you Anna. I’ve always been ostracised at work too. It shouldn’t be a crime that somebody isn’t the life and soul of the party but that’s often how we are treated. There is plenty enough space on this planet for all different types of personalities. I am a naturally quiet and reserved person also though am frequently (and unfairly) mistaken as aloof and/or stuck-up. The ironic thing being is that, if only someone took the time to get to know me, they would find out that I am very down-to-earth with a good sense of humour to boot. My best wishes to you.

    • Jen says:

      I read Quiet by Susan Cain to better understand introversion and extroversion. It might be worth the read. I’m still having difficulty, but I keep trying!

    • Vicki says:

      Anna, I love introverts….My first husband was one. You can learn an awful lot from introverts because us extroverts tend to rattle on and not take the time to think about things…I have issues with friends also…I am so alone and I really mean alone. I have no family, I have a few friends that if I get a hold of them they will talk to me but never want to do anything….I sit at home day in and day out… I have nothing to interest me..I a not someone to go out and do things by myself but I think I need to learn to or I am gonna die in this apt…hahaha!!!! I was trying to find if there were any groups of people that get together. I live in a lot of pain and I know people hate that…..but it is not my idea to live like this…it is just the cards I was dealt….

  28. Lande says:

    Amanda and anyone who needs a friend,

    I can be your friend! I’d love to have friends too and to hang out with friends but I hardly have any. Tried signing up for meet up.com but I feel shy going by myself to hangouts. If anyone would like a pen pal or a real friend i’m here. Just send me a reply.


    • Mali says:

      You are not alone (clearly!).
      if you’re in NYC, I would definitely love a hang out buddy that shares the desire for mutual engagement.

      • Kala says:

        I live in brooklyn, ny. I am looking for female friends who like to hang out and do brunch, party, talk, etc. I changed up my circle and most people I know are married and do not have time to hang out.

    • Kristine says:

      I’m in the same situation, it sucks feeling like you’re all alone.

  29. YY says:

    I’m glad to have found this page and know that others are also going through the same situation as me. I was not the most popular kid on the block when I was young. In fact I was a shy, insecure and nervous child which did not help in making too many friends. I was even made fun of everyday in middle school for just being quiet and not saying much. I am a young adult right now and have moved to a new city for work. I still email and call my few but good friends I’ve managed to make in university. I have met a few people in this new place but really, we don’t meet up often as they are all very busy and also already have their own social circle. With one of them I am a bit more close too, however, sometimes I feel she is tired of me because I don’t seem to be bringing anything interesting or new to her life. It is because of this I don’t contact her too often. In fact she is the one who contacts me when it seems she cannot find anyone to hang out with. I don’t want to be her doormat any longer. This is why I am trying to fill up my time off from work with classes to learn new things so I can improve myself, as well I have joined some clubs to try to meet new people and hopefully …friends. However, I still have time and when people ask me what I am doing for the weekend for which I really don’t have much to say. In the end, they say the classical line “oh, so you don’t have any friends?”. This line is very defeating as it seems to destroy all your current efforts and courage into actually getting yourself out there to make some friends instead sitting at home facing the computer. That line has been said to me multiple times by now so pretty much it seems that the whole world knows how alone I am. Sometimes it is said with pity or with a mocking/challenging tone. They even try to psychoanalyze me and tell me what’s wrong with my personality on why I don’t have many people around me (what they said was not very kind). I actually don’t mind being alone since I was pretty much alone throughout my childhood and high school years. But the fact that everyone seems to have a group of friends they can trust and I never really had that is what I really dream of having. In my trek for finding friendship I will try to improve myself and be more positive. I have learnt to accept that “yes I am alone”. I must face reality. I am glad to know that others are also facing the same difficulties as me and are trying hard as well to change that. It gives me more courage to continue on. Thank you everyone.

    • C.j says:

      I feel the same way. I feel like you need friends to make friends, otherwise you get treated like a loser like “why doesn’t he have any friends?”. I feel ashamed and depressed because of it and don’t want to tell anyone. I start to question who I am and what’s wrong with me. And I know it’s defeating. It’s like a cycle, man. It just doesn’t break. I actually get ignored on Facebook because I get no messages. I’ve tried to meet women too and it hasn’t worked out because I’m alone. So what are you supposed to do? It limits you and you have nothing to talk about. You get bored a lot as well and don’t know what to do half the time. I’ve tried to fill it with exercise but it hasn’t helped much.

      • Anna says:

        I really feel where your coming from CJ, my ultimate best friend for the past 6-7 years of my life she left me to move to another state which was across the country and that bummed me out when she left cause she was like a sister to me someone I saw everyday of my life without a doubt. My group of friends I hang out with is mainly my boyfriends friends and my cousin whom is going out with one of them and I brang this issue up with her because I had enough of feeling so left out and she told me “she would always be there for me no matter what and that she would tell me to come out to places” but its all talk and no do, I see her and her best friend (which i am friends with also) go out too dinners, coffee but they never seem to invite me and I just don’t know why. People are literally all talk, they only really care for themselves and thats it. It really sucks. I try to fill my time with work and excercise but theres only so much you can put in for each day. This is why I rather stay around my boyfriend because he has never made me feel the way everyone else has. He’s always there for me and his brother too.. I always tell them “sometimes, I just rather us 3 go and do our own thing, stuff everyone else”… We like to go camping a lot and we went a few weeks ago just the three of us and its funny how people react when they see you go away for a few days and then they can turn around and say “where was my invite” or “next time I want to come”.. It’s the only time they put the effort in, and it really frustrates me a lot. Also the fact that my cousins best friends sister (whom I am friends with also) is planning her birthday and they mentioned it in front of me and I thought maybe they might invite me or ask me to at least come? Nope, no invite. If I was really close to my cousin like she told me I was then I would have been invited but I just feel plain left out as per usual. It shows what people are really like, they don’t care about our feelings at all especially when we are the most loyal people too come across.

        • C.j says:

          That’s tough, but at least you go out with them I guess. You are not sitting at home all the time by the computer or playing with your iPhone. I’ve literally had nothing to do today or yesterday, typical weekend been bored as hell, and haven’t heard from anyone at all.

        • C.j says:

          You are right that people care about themselves!! I went through a bad bout of depression and left my job about 5 years ago and they only pretended to care. When it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter. Anna, it sounds like your boyfriend is a keeper. He sounds very supportive and sorry about your cousin. I know what that’s like to be left out too! It sucks!

  30. Anna says:

    I can really agree with you Amanda, as I myself am an only child and I too also had a bestfriend in highschool who fucked me over a few years ago and ever since anyone else I ever got close to kind of just threw me off the rails and things haven’t been the same. I have a boyfriend who is my bestfriend but seeing him with his siblings makes me wish I had a bond like that with someone in my life but I don’t have that cause everyone I ever got close to never really cared about me or my feelings. I go out of my way for people to make them happy but it just seems as though people use me and never want to speak to me again. I am a university student also and I thought that this year would be my year to make new friends and hopefully find that someone who I can really click with and it hasn’t happened I have a few friends from uni but I wouldn’t say that I click well with them. I never had a bad upbringing my parents always gave me the best that they could and I have lots of family but I hardly get to see them unless I’m the one who organises it. It really gets me that when I scroll through Facebook and I see all these people on my newsfeed with their “bestfriend” doing things together, laughing, partying, drinking and then I reflect on myself and my friendships and I have no one to call a bestfriend. I just want someone I can relate too and talk too without being judged. My cousin is going out with my boyfriends friend and I thought that would make us a lot closer but she already has her own bestfriend that she turns too and yet I still have no one. #feelingreallylonely

    • Jen says:

      Many people have said that their spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend can be a best friend. What’s your relationship with him like? I don’t have a best friend anymore either; at least not the way I did when I was a kid. I guess as we mature we have to become more independent. :( Many of us also get upset on Facebook, so I try to limit my time on it. Remember things aren’t always what they appear to be in pictures, but I get hurt seeing some of my old friends with new people. Especially since I can’t seem to find new people in my life. Have you tried joining any clubs or organizations?

      • Anna says:

        Hey Jen, my relationship with my boyfriend is really strong. We don’t let anything or anyone get inbetween us and Iv actually grown up with him but we have been going out for 5 years! I turn to him when I’m feeling down but sometimes I don’t want to have to tell him about “‘my girl problems” even though he doesn’t mind I just feel that I need a girl too talk too at times to relate.. Yeah that’s like me, seeing old friends with new people and how they are having such a great time! Then I think that could have been me if this didn’t happen or this didn’t happen.. Yeah, I’m a part of a gym and I go to the gym everyday but mainly for myself to just focus on myself for a while and not worry about others. It’s really hard and it upsets me cause I just want that one friend who I can call a sister, a bestfriend, my twin.. Someone who is always there no matter what!! I guess it’s also being an only child it’s a lot harder to make friends cause people have this image that your “spoilt” and you get everything handed to you. It’s not true and I guess it makes it harder cause they envy us being an only child perhaps?

        • Jen says:

          You may be onto something about jealousy. Many of us have noticed a lot of people on this webpage are very intelligent and kind people. These qualities are certainly worthy of envy! I also find it particularly difficult to relate to women, and I’m sorry to say there are many other women that feel the same on this page. I thought it was because I’m more of a tomboy, but I also find it difficult to connect with men on the best friend level. I miss having a “twin” too. I guess it’s just me for now. :/

          • Anna says:

            Exactly that’s what I have noticed too about people on this page they are very nice people and are obviously in the same boat as us about not having “close friends” or a good “friendship” with people. Yeah I can agree with you on that comment of not being able to “relate” to women.. I know myself I am very different to the average woman. I enjoy the whole car scene I guess because I grew up around boys and cars and I think that makes me a bit of a tomboy too. I don’t mind getting dirty or working on cars which most women are like “ew, don’t get dirt on me” and I think this is why I connect better with males cause I have something in common with them that most girls don’t and I think this may intimidate some women cause I’m a bit of both girly and tomboy but it shouldn’t matter. People are just really judgmental these days and also show a lot of fakeness. I know how you feel, I really do and i’m sure for everyone on this page it will get better as time goes by but as you said for now its just “me”. Why do you find it difficult to connect with men on the best friend level? Has it been bad experiences?

            • Jen says:

              Yes I’ve had a lot of bad experiences, especially with men. I think romantic feelings can complicate friendships. I just find it difficult to form close friendships now. I’m not sure what’s changed, since I was once able to have that. Now I feel a wall up between me and everyone else. On Facebook, it’s a literal wall! Lol sometimes I think I’m the problem. Maybe there is something wrong with me, but I’m also embarrassed to talk to a doctor or someone in person about this. I tried talking to family, but they just get annoyed because they have their own problems.

              • Anna says:

                No your not the problem, its society that’s the problem. Don’t be embarressed if I have learned one thing from being lonely, is too speak about the problems your having rather than bottle it up. I finally exploded the other week, I couldn’t handle it anymore and I actually went into shock my boyfriend didn’t know what to do or how to calm me down because he has never been in this situation before because men just deal with their problems then and there and I have seen him lose friends but it never bothered him like it bothers and frustrates me to the point that I re think over and over again what is really wrong with me? I don’t like to talk too family about these problems especially my Mum only because I don’t want her to feel like she has to do something for me or too talk to her friends daughters too comfort me because I’m not one who likes the attention of others but she can always read me whenever I am feeling down but I always respond and tell her nothing is wrong.

    • Tuan says:

      This is just my opinion on the subject.

      1. You have to be your own best friend. If you do not value your own opinion and self worth then no one else will(they already don’t btw).

      2. Friends let alone “best friends” are actually harder to make then most people think. Most are develop during childhood. Very rarely do adults have acquaintances that develop into best friends.

      3. You have to be able to see yourself in 3rd person. This is so if you went up to you and you guys spoke to each other, what traits or what is the 3rd person you doing that would make you like or dislike.
      This is actually pretty hard to do btw.

      4. Its fine to be the initiator.

      5. Remember that what you are doing isnt just to feed your “ego” or lust for attention and love. This is because you havent any real love for yourself which is why we seek friendship and attention so much.

      6. Maybe you are an asshole and dont know it? lol.

      • Jen says:

        Thanks for the enlightening opinion lol. Everyone has negative traits though, don’t they? Perhaps we are just the ones unaware of ours? That’s interesting; especially since I do admit I try to see my negative traits as positive ones! ;)

  31. John says:

    I know how it feels I have never had any friends. My parents did not want me or my sister so I lived with my grandparents and my sister lived with my aunt. My sister got to do whatever she wanted and I won’t even allowed to take my bike out of the garage. Growing up all I was allowed to do was go to school and come straight home. I was not allowed to have anyone over throughout my younger years. I was always bullied by everyone and all I could to was try. To look happy when I was really hurting on the inside. My uncle also lived with my grandparents and he tried to abuse me. I’m. Not able to work for too long because of my back ( I need triple fusion surgery) and insurgence want allow me to get it done. I try tobe nice to everyone but no one knows me unless they want me to fix something. I never even had a birthday party or even get invited to a party. No one ever calls me or even emails me so being lonely all the time is very hard. I know that I can’t trust people because every time I did someone would screw me over. I really don’t know what else to do because I really feel abandoned by everyone. There is really nothing worth living for.

    • Mary says:

      Hi John, I really feel for you. The constraints you grew up with through your grandparents and abusive uncle, will hardly enhance a child who felt abandoned from his own parents. But, hopefully, it sounds like you are on your own, and may have the opportunity to blossom. I know from being a really too nice person, others will take advantage of it, rather than respect or try to cultivate it, so people like us have to try and not be so nice-sucks doesn’t it because we like nice. But you might want to see about connecting with your sister, and start out some socializing with her, then get some knowledge about cool things that interest you, like, you know, puppies and kittens! People love ‘em! Get a pet, or two as well. If you get a dog, you will walk, and people will always try and talk to you about it. There-similar interests, even playing field, no ulterior motives. You can do this John! I’m working on doing it right now :-)

    • Jen says:

      I’m sorry I know how it feels. I know it sounds corny, but you have to live for yourself. I guess there some truth to the saying “you have to love yourself first…” You deserve a chance at happiness even if you never find it. I hope you find whatever it is you’re seeking on Earth. If you’re not seeking anything, maybe someone or something is seeking you. I hope it’s something or someone wonderful, but I know better than to blindly trust anyone like you said.

    • C.j says:

      Sorry about all that you’ve been through, John. You are a strong person and you are still standing. You’re a good person, I can tell, and didn’t deserve those things to happen to you. I could relate to a lot of what you said. No one calls or emails me either it’s been years. I just closed my Facebook because I don’t hear from anyone. I am depressed from being isolated. It’s hell!

      • Jen says:

        Hi CJ, I think hell can be other people too! At least when I’m alone I don’t have to worry about being judged or disliked. It is difficult being lonely though. What’s the worst is when you have people around you, but they don’t fully accept or kn you, so you feel lonely despite being around others! Sometimes I’d rather be alone!

        • C.j says:

          Hey Jen! I couldnt agree more. I know exactly what you mean, a lot of days I feel afraid. It’s just the worrying about what they think of me and stuff, how I’ll be treated. It gets so bad I hardly go out much. We are the same, I think. You are too right, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one. I can relate to everything you said. There are nice people out there, but there also people out there that are just rude assholes and aren’t afraid to show it. Me too!

        • Anna says:

          I really understand where Jen and C.J are coming from. I feel that even when I’m around my group of friends (mainly my boyfriends friends and even when my cousin is there too) that I will say something and everyone will just ignore me or continue on with their conversation and it’s always happened to me in every group I have been in, I was always the one that either got cut off from talking, having to repeat myself multiple times and no one listens or I just get completely ignored. I don’t know if its because I am such a humble person that I don’t say anything or if it’s simply because I am a soft speaking person and am afraid to confront people about the situation.. I too rather be alone on most days.

          • Mary says:

            Hey Anna,

            I just wanted to comment on what you said about always being ignored, and I totally get that!! I am almost afraid to comment on things, because I will either get total silence, and then the group will continue on with whatever conversation was going on, or someone will cut me off. I think that happened a lot coming from my own family, and has made me rather awkward (unless I’ve had some drinks-then I’m a blast, lol) in conversations with several people at a time. I did have a group of friends in my hometown that were extremely fun and funny, that I could say all kinds of wackiness in front of, and get responses/laughs, but I would say most people are either very rude or simply unaware of my presence :-/ The fact that my husband ignores almost everything I say has also negatively effected my self-esteem. I almost find myself disinterested in pursuing friends/conversations because it’s a lot of effort.

    • Eliza says:

      John–I agree with what others are suggesting on here. Definitely consider getting a dog. I happen to love all animals. But it will 1) give you the type of unconditional love you need and give you some purpose, so when you come home from work–you will always have a companion. Pets are wonderful for our spirits. You will also see that people will stop you in the street–to strike up a conversation about your dog! Or go to a park, dog walk–and try to socialize with fellow dog owners. Having a dog will also force you out of your home, when you are feeling isolated – as your furry friend needs their exercise/walks. Also, not sure where you live, but going out on a limb and forcing yourself to go out is worth it–try http://www.meetup.com and look for groups where you can find support.

  32. Johnny says:

    Hi guys, I found this video about the movie “Amelie” which is one of my favorites, I don’t know if any of you have already seen the movie but I recommend it, I personally relate with Amelie Poulain almost in every way, I think I had some level of autism since kid, but that’s another story, the point is that I can’t relate to people because I feel that I just don’t fit and have trust problems with people, I’m afraid of getting hurt or disappointed because I don’t want to resent anyone bitterly.

    I don’t know if it’s allowed to post links so I’ll just put the title of the video for you to look for it, it’s in YouTube.

    The title is: “The girl with the glass of water” and is the first to show on the top. Give it a try you might as well relate to her.

    • elle says:

      Yes! I love that movie.
      I feel I relate to that scene as well..

    • C.j says:

      That’s what my therapist said. But I don’t think it’s true! From what I’ve read, I hope to God it isn’t. I’ve had times in my life where I didn’t know what to say to people, or felt like I didn’t fit in. But I don’t know if that’s my brain telling me that I don’t or whether I actually don’t. Are there other reasons a person can become socially isolated? What you describe sounds a lot like social anxiety.

      • Johnny says:

        Hi, sorry I reply this late, I’m not sure to which issue you’re referring to, autism is something very real but it’s kind of complex so I would like to leave it aside.

        I’ve always been isolated, yes I had “friends” when I was a kid but dumped me because they would find me a complex or “troubled person”, i think, anyway I’ve always had bad luck with people since then, and I admit to have my own crap that make myself to run away from people too, all my teenage years i’ve been doing fine on my own, now I’m 22 and got tired of it, so I tried to know people and make friends, unfortunately it got all messed up, I screw with the wrong and conflictive people and just got my mental health worse, I dealt with post-traumatic stress, panic and anxiety attacks and well the depression i’ve always had got worse too. Thankfully with medication I got better, there would be sometimes that I have bad days but it’s getting less common now. I think I just born with issues already and when I decided to get better it turned to be the opposite. Now I can’t relate to people at all and can’t trust anyone besides me, you might say that’s selfishness but at this point I don’t care, people made me a lot of damage and now I would like to return at the life I had before, no matter how sad, depressing or pathetic it was, at least I was safe then.

        I know there’s good people out there, and I hope someday I will find them, but for now I would like to recover from the last year, my theory is that some people born with issues, sometimes they won’t manifest so easily and the people around you can get everything worse if you let them, oh and just yesterday I went to a reunión with people I thought I could relate to, and turned out to be great, wish me luck! and have a great day :)

        I’m sorry for my english, not my native language.

  33. don says:

    Trying having no friends, no family or spouse at age 45 in foreign country, that is true loneliness………..welcome to my life. If I wasn’t tied down as a partner in a small accounting firm I think I would quite happily end my sad miserable life as I am tired of putting on a happy face for everybody.

    • almond says:

      it’s not “who has it worse…”

      what made you move to a foreign country?

    • melissa says:

      Hi don , trust me , i know true loneiness , add no job to the equation , and no job prospects , living in a rural unfriendly community – i wish i could just pass away peacefully in my sleep! Hey im so desparate i,d be more than willing to locate to your area and offer you what you are missing – im sure we could make each other happy to fill that void – where do you live , i,d love to be in a foreign country – anywhere but the uk !- i,d love you pass you on my email/contact number , – but i dont know if its allowed on here – you could maybe try find me on facebook – under the name of norma jean bell -school :brighouse high – anybody else on here who wants to add me – dont hesitate , ( im mixed race , with wavy long hair on my profile picture – wearing a necklace – :) -get back at me please – kind regards – big hug

  34. Tracey says:

    I see some similarities between my story and a lot of the ones posted. I am in my 30′s, I had a 2 or 3 best friends in elementary and middle school. Even one in high school but after graduating high school and marrying my now ex husband have had trouble making any other good friends . I am a nurse and consider myself social person but the work relationships stop at work other than the occasional text or Facebook comment. My husband is a disabled vet so I am his caregiver also. He says I just dont try. Example 1, today his ex-wife called and asked if I wanted to come decorate stuff for my step daughters cheer squad. I had to take my boys to taekwondo because my husband couldn’t. I had made the comment that I really didn’t want to go because I know how his ex-wife is with ” projects”. She really tries to run the show. My husband said thats why I dont have any friends is because I dont take the opportunity when presented with One. Any comments?

  35. Raina says:

    I can totally relate; I am in my 30s and have exactly one person I would call a friend, and that person is many hours away from me, so we only communicate online. I didn’t have friends in my school years, not even in college. I guess I’m just an introvert and a loner at heart. I am married so I have my husband. He is also a loner. He has lived in this town for 10 years and has no friends. He prefers to stay at home and watch TV when he’s not at work. He said I am his best friend and that is all that he needs. I’d like to have at least one female friend here, but I don’t I don’t have children, and most people here do, so I can’t relate to the mom crowd. I’m also not into the bar scene. In a town of less than 5,000 people, it’s hard to find people to relate to, especially since I didn’t grow up here. When I do try to make new friends, I find that people I do, say, ask for coffee, act excited about it but then never follow through. If I don’t initiate, nothing ever happens. I think it’s either people are too busy with their lives, or that there is something about me that sends ‘weirdness’ vibes to them. Or it could be a combination of both of those things. Oh, well–I’d rather be at home reading a book.

  36. annnaa says:

    Hey! I am a 20 something, and in the past 4 years of my undergrad education, I found myself slowly losing or discarding many friendships. It was intentional. I didn’t like the people my high school friends were becoming. At first I thought that this was occurring proportional to the amount of new friendships that I was forming.
    In the end, I made a mistake, I placed all my eggs in two faulty baskets. Now I have 1 friend, no true best friend, and a boyfriend.

    It sucks to be lonely. Especially when you know that you are a caring, loyal, and compassionate person. I just can’t connect with people who are constantly texting in face-to-face conversations, people who obsess over their looks on facebook. Excessive vanity irks me.

    If anyone else feels the same way, message me, or reply to this comment. I would love to begin correspondence via email/blogger!


    • John says:

      Hi anna!
      I feel exactly the same way, and I really like your approach. Just like Amanda, I’m tired of chasing.
      I’d be delighted to make friends with you and vent a little. I think it will help us both to have someone reliable to talk to about these things.

      • Almond says:

        I agree. I’m around your age and everyone is too busy on their phones. At work I’m friendly and have work friends but outside of work..

        I just feel disconnected and don’t really have a social life.

    • Dunn says:

      I will not say I am totally friendless but my circle has diminished a lot. I am in my early forties . I have chosen to lose some friendships because I felt they were not good for me.

      I also do not have children. Some of my old friends had children. So it seems we do not have the same lifestyle and not much in common.

      As I get older I find it hard to find friendships that stick.

      I have had quite a few friends in my life but I have also had periods in my life when I did not have friends.

    • Milly says:

      Hi I too am also in the same position. I’m grateful to have a long term boyfriend but I want friendships outside of that. No couple competition as some fake friends just want to compete when I want them to just be happy. I’m in my 20′s but have wondered too long now alone. It’s a vicious cycle, no one wants to be friends with you. If they see you have no friends they assume you are mentally ill! The later is when I do have friends (in the past) they would just use me and leave. It’d be glad to make your acquaintance annnaaa :) I’m not otherwise sure how to make contact on here aside leaving my email?

    • Anna says:

      Hi Anna,

      I am also in my 20′s and I too know the feeling of disregarding people who just bring you down all the time and their negativity is not wanted at all. I agree with you, in my group of friends I seem to find that everyone is on their phones texting each other, facebooking. Good example, last night I was at my friends house and there was about 6 of us altogether and I specifically put my phone on the top of the freezer at my friends house so I wouldn’t look at it/use it but I noticed everyone else in the room were all too busy on their phones watching youtube videos and having a laugh whilst I was in the corner on the couch just staring at the ceiling thinking to myself “why am I even here?” “what was the point of me even coming here if everyone is going to be on the phone”. No one knows how to communicate face to face anymore everyone is too cooped up in their own lives and always on their phones it makes me sick. It really does and I guess this is why its so hard to become friends with people and bond. It sucks.

  37. Darrell says:

    Honest comments can be hard to admit,yet may turn out healthy results. I have been lonely without friends often. It should, I hope, be a reminder to be willing ot find moments to talk with others a bit more often. Even finding ways to asssit others who would like someone to listen or even lend a helping hand.

  38. Jen says:

    Miranda, thank you for your kind words. Yes the “existential crisis” was definitely the result of awareness. I never read anything that made me sound so noble, thank you!

  39. Jeanette Stirgus says:

    I definitely can relate to Amanda’s statement she post. I have a hard time making and keeping friends myself. About me:When I was young I was a very messy person but as an adult that is not me anymore and a lot of people only see the kid I once was years ago. When I talk to my friends I once had the conversation is never talking bad about someone it is always asking how is that person doing. I’m a very caring person. I would give you my last if you needed it. I take my friends to heart so with that being said it’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them. They can confide in me with their most deepest secret and it will never be spoken again. Sometimes I think it’s me but when I out weigh the good with the bad I realize it’s not me. I remember one close friend of mine say how people belittle them, correct them in a funny way, talk about everybody in a bad way and all I can say is wow those are the people you rather be around. Sincerely yours, Jeanette

    • annnaa says:


      I totally agree with you! I used to be one of those folks, though. I used to complain about my old high school friends who were petty, demeaning, vain, and without empathy. I guess what kept me from evolving my behavior was the fear of being alone. Of not being ‘normal’ and having a social life. Of it being a Friday night full of Me, Myself and I.

      Now that I’ve fully detached myself from the parasitic group, I hate being lonely just as much. I feel like I’m a moody girl in middle school!

      But like you wisely said, when I weigh the good and the bad, I realize that it’s not me. I chose to end those friendships because they were damaging. I could not stop analyzing the cruelty, the elitism, and the vanity that overshadowed the good times.

      I know that I’m a good person, and one day I’ll have friends (or just 1..) who I want to share my life/family with.

      Until then, patience…

    • Hiba says:

      Sometimes I feel that I will not have someone close I don’t have anything makes people want to be with me I usually initiate and I am usually the one who cares the one who call the one wbo invite but no one would make an effort to reach me I’ve never made a relationship and when I ask one of my friends to hang out they will be always busy and if I were a third party in a conversation I will be the one who is watching silently no one loves me no one wants me its really bad when u are lonely without somebody who cares you wake up without any goal you live for no reason just like animals eat, drink and sleep you don’t need your heart and your feelings isn’t precious no one will care about how do you feel because in there life you are not existed is suicide the only way to take this pain away?

      • Bev says:

        Hi Hiba. I sympathise with you hun and am sorry you feel this way. I feel exactly the same and am very isolated and can’t see a way out of it. Sending you a hug x

  40. anisha says:

    …tions same school same class and same section..till class 8 we were besties..bt in class 8 her section got changed.n she faild in class 8 but passd jst aftr giving retest and so her section changed n took admission aftr 1 mnth.. so I started tutions before her n thus her tutions were different. Thn we didnt hv much contact. .n she got mny frnz in her section..n me ws jst alone in my classes.. bt had some frnz bt didn’t tlk with thm much. Nw my bestie forgot me totally.. dont know how n y..till then I hv no frnz..ol r cheaters..I m in class 12 now..my bestie has taken comm n me too n unfortunately we r in sme section..bt hergroup z different.. dont know y god hs done such with me.. wat hv I done? I see evry whre that frinds r partying, getting together..celebrating together..doing each other project..n m ol alone. Ds z the age when v need friends bt m alone..forever..if I get in touch with sm1..dat prsn hs othr grp.. thy r making new frnz going out with them.. n I?????

    • andrea says:

      I think the best thing you can do for yourself is just focus on class and getting your work done. This is what I should have done in school when I was in high school. There are so many people in the world and when you become the person you aspire to be, the right people will come into your life. No making friends is not always easy, but take care of you, love yourself, and do you. Things will work out the way they are supposed to. God bless little one :)

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