It may take time to realize a friendship that is waning isn’t really viable—and then one last straw brings clarity and insight.
I think I have a friendship that is waning. I met her at a support group about a year ago for people who want to improve their communication, etc. Oddly, we are not communicating. She had extended herself to me, initially.
It seems that whenever we have gotten together, it’s been on her terms, and it seems to be getting a little worse. For example, she is extremely picky about what to eat. It seems that the fact that I have food allergies terrifies her, and she tries to regulate what I eat, to my great embarrassment. Having to eat with her has become a chore.
Also, making plans is an ordeal. The last time we tried to get together, she suggested a movie and then changed her mind. She asked that I pick out another one. I did, and she didn’t like it. She will review movies to see if they are her taste and pick accordingly, rather than tending to go with the flow. It was very frustrating.
The last time I called her, just to talk and say hello, I got a text the following day saying that she did get my message, but couldn’t talk, and would get back to me in a week. (?)
The likely scenario is that she will call, and want to get together again, on her terms, at a very specific time and day. It’s becoming a last straw since the phone call. Also, she never wants to get together with my other friends as a group. I have to constantly rearrange my times to see her separately. Frankly, it doesn’t match my schedule and it’s too hard to make special accommodations to see her. I don’t want to do it and feel like we have no rapport or anything in common. I almost feel like it’s interfering with my befriending others because I have to arrange my schedule special for her and make cancellations. This is difficult. Any thoughts?
It sounds like the woman you met is extremely controlling, to the point that she wants to make all the decisions in your friendship including what you eat, when you meet, what you do, and with whom. This is unreasonable.
You made a valiant effort to make a new friend. But it sounds like you are at a juncture where it is time to give up. It’s just too hard to make plans and communicate with this woman. Moreover, you’ve decided that you have little in common and haven’t been able to establish rapport.
Frankly, I can’t see why you would want to continue the friendship. My advice would be to let go and tell her that you prefer getting together with your friends as a group next time she wants to get together again as a twosome. I understand that you want to improve your communication skills but communication always has to be a two-way street.
Hope this helps.