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If you are a member of a Reader or Book Group, you can invite Dr. Levine to participate in a discussion of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend.

"Our book club recently read Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Break Up with Your Best Friend by Irene Levine. We had the good fortune of having Dr. Levine as a guest at our book club meeting. As a result, we had one of the liveliest and participatory discussions ever. Each of us found the vignettes and case studies in the book so relatable."

Sheila Dori, Nanuet, NY                          

Depending on Dr. Levine's availability, your location, and other logistical considerations, the housecall can take place, either in person, over a speakerphone, or using Skype on a computer.

Use the Contact Form to make a request. Please include:

1) Your name

2) Type of group (and name, if applicable)

3) The city, state, and zip code of the proposed event

4) Your email address

5) Phone number (including area code) of a contact person

6) Estimated size of the group

7) Possible timing (month and year)

Based on an international survey of phone users, more than 1/4 of 122 respondents reported changing their phone numbers at least 20 times. Seven out of 10 users said they had lost touch with a friend because of a changed number.

• Can you even guess how many phone numbers you've had since you began paying your own phone bill?
• Have you lost touch with friends simply because you've lost a phone number or email address or do you believe that everyone is reachable?

Please share your experiences/comments!

QUESTION

Dear Irene:

A few months ago I met a woman and her daughter at a children's event. We hit it off and even though her daughter is considerably younger than mine, we got together for a few playdates. The problem? She calls me everyday to complain about how hard it is to figure out naps and a feeding schedule for her daughter.

At first I didn't mind giving her advice, my daughter was nap resistant as well. But every day calls about the same subject is overwhelming. Sometimes I want to go off on her because her daughter doesn't even act out or cry despite being overtired.... she is very mellow.

Meanwhile, my daughter is hyperactive, I have an infant son and my husband has recently become unemployed. I think, 'How come I can cope with all of this without wallowing, but her life is comparatively easy and she can't even figure out a schedule for her child without daily support from me?'

She always says I'm one of her closest friends, that she appreciates me, values my advice, etc. I'm bewildered because we have only gotten together a few times.... and we've only known each other a few months? She has other friends, she apparently calls them for the same needs. She has even told me that one of her friends told her she is nuts, and doesn't want to talk about naps anymore. I don't feel very close to her, she is a bit abrasive and doesn't really comment when I talk about me (which is not very often). What I want is a very casual friendship with no more than one call a week and a get together every few weeks. What should I do?

Signed,
Anonymous

ANSWER:

Dear Anonymous:

You answered your own question. You know what you want, a very casual relationship with someone who calls you no more than once a week and with whom you can get together every few weeks. You don't want a relationship with someone who is needy, self-centered, and demanding---and doesn't give you a chance to get a word in edge-wise.

Don't let yourself get sucked into this toxic friendship any deeper. You're obviously adept at making new friends. Go to another children's event and find another friend who better fits your own criteria and friendship needs.

In the meantime, do whatever you can to distance your relationship from this woman. Say you have to focus on your infant son and don't have time to talk on the phone much. Don't make any plans to meet with her. Tell her you are busy. With any luck, she'll hitch herself onto someone else's wagon.

My best,

Irene

As long as I can remember, my mom has called me at 7:46AM on every single birthday. That’s the precise time when I was born.  I remember years when I resented her calling as I was rushing to get to work or was taking advantage of a rare chance to sleep in on a weekend. Then I began to really enjoy the little ritual.

At about 7:15AM this morning, the phone rang. It was my sister calling to wish me a happy birthday. A few minutes later, my friend Betty was playing a recording of a Mañanita song on the phone to wish me a happy birthday as she had done for all her relatives in Mexico since she was a young girl. Then my friend Risa called from Maryland on my day, even though she had already called me the day before, sent a card, and sent beautiful flowers. The last call came at about 7:50; it was my friend Donna who was calling to confirm our luncheon celebration.

Before long, it was well past 8:00AM and I realized that this was the first time that my mother’s call hadn't come. From a cascade of chronic ailments, my widowed mom has become quite frail over the last year. She is sleeping later herself, and has trouble seeing and pressing the buttons on the phone with her gnarled hands. Even when we do speak by phone and visit her several times a week, she often doesn’t hear what I’m saying. She managed to have her aide help her call me later in the morning and with some help from my friends, she was able to join us for lunch in her wheelchair. A very social person all her life, she didn’t have much to say and picked at her food. Accommodating to age, loss, and disability has been a tough passage for my mom---and for me to bear witness.

Friends help us get over life hurdles, big and little, whatever they may be.  Never underestimate how meaningful an “I’m thinking of you” phone call can be on a friend’s birthday.