party

 

Dawn Williams Bertuca and Tina VanZant Bishop are two talented women who juggle marriage, motherhood, and jobs. In the spare time they have left, they are virtual party planners extraordinaire. In 2005, they created www.GirlfriendCelebrations.com to foster female friendships on the internet, and to provide women with party ideas for girls' nights in and girls' nights out to help women get the most out of their relationships "one party at a time."

 

I love to watch the Oscar program each year and the fun is multiplied exponentially when I have the chance to share it with friends. So what better people to ask to write a guest post (pasted below) about how to throw an unforgettable Oscar party? Whatever the occasion or excuse for a party, you can get more party ideas from Dawn and Tina on their website: www.GirlfriendCelebrations.com.

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Girlfriends, it's time to roll out the red carpet--for yourselves and your best pals! Pour some bubbly and toast to your friendship during the 82nd Academy Awards (Oscars) telecast on Sunday, March 7. Award shows and other TV events offer an easy, inexpensive way to have a girls' night in with "built-in" entertainment. You can catch up on all that's going on with your girlfriends while the glitz and glamour provide great fodder for giggles and conversations. Here are our best tips for having a great award-show bash that's simple to plan and execute--even at the last minute.

Set the scene

You don't have to do a lot of prep work for this party. Just make sure the viewing area is tidied up (dusted and vacuumed to say the least). A key point to remember during clean-up time: Dust your television screen. Your friends will thank you! If you're pouring something special to drink, take the time to get out your good glassware. You'll feel more "glamorous" drinking your bubbly out of a champagne flute than a plastic tumbler.

Consider rolling out a real red carpet for your special attendees to walk down. You can purchase one online at  listed under "red carpet sidewalk runner." A 24-inch x 15-foot durable red cloth with underside adhesive is sold for only $8.99. Have a photo person stationed to take a picture of everyone's grand entrance. Other fun items might include a VIP entrance door banner for $2.50 and a "Celebrity Limo Parking" sign $7.99, just perfect for the big event.

One other setup item: Give your guests the chance to vote along with the Academy! Find printable ballots online. Along with the ballot; make sure you have pens readily available.


Do the casting

When inviting your pals, keep in perspective the size of the room and the size of the television screen on which you'll be viewing the show. If you have a 12-inch television screen, don't invite the whole softball team over. Put a limit on the number of people by the number of inches. For every 10 inches, invite one or two people. For example, if you have a 36-inch screen, limit your invitees to three to six people.

If you have a little time before the star-studded event, you can find inexpensive black-and-gold "Hollywood Star Event" invitations online that would catch the eye of any starlet.

If you are a last-minute party thrower, don't hesitate to just call your friends on the telephone or use Evite them to let them know about the planned event. Don't forget, the most important part of an invitation is the gesture itself. Whether it's done with a gold glossy sheet of 4x6 paper or on the telephone, it makes no difference to your friends. As long as you let them know your intentions, it will warm their hearts to be included.

 

Set the table

The food for any awards party should be elegant yet simple. Try a cheese platter, grapes, and chocolate-covered strawberries to satisfy healthy cravings. If you need a little more, try adding a spinach quiche or veggie pate. Pair the food with a sparkling drink like the yummy Startini made with champagne, pomegranate juice and vodka, recipe here. For those with a non-alcoholic palate, you could serve sparkling juice with many flavors to choose from, available at your local Whole Foods or Target.

 

Prepare the script

In between host humor, commercials and acceptance speeches, you'll certainly be talking to your girlfriends to catch up on all the latest. But if you feel like there's a lull, try this activity to help you to learn more about your girlfriends and them to learn more about you. Before the party, create a list of awards-ceremony-inspired questions (see samples below). Write them on some pretty slips of paper and toss them in a fancy bowl. Keep the bowl within reach of all the guests during the awards show. Then at an opportune time, such as a commercial or acceptance speech, go clockwise around the room and have guests answer a question. Take your time answering the questions; they are designed to lead you into more discussions. There may not be time for each friend to answer each question during commercial breaks, but that's ok. Just start with the next person during the next break.

Sample Questions:

• Have you ever been told you look like a celebrity? Who?
• If someone were to make up a show about your life, what would it be called?
• If you were to make it big as a singer or actress, what would you want your stage name to be?
• If you were to present an award on the awards show, who would you most want to present with?
• Make up a stage name for the person on your right.
• If you were given two tickets to the awards show, whom would you ask to go with you?
• You are dressed and ready to go to the Oscars but your purse is so small you can only fit three items in it, what three items would you carry with you?
• Name one person you'd like to sit next to at the Oscars.
• Name one person you wouldn't like to sit next to at the Oscars.
• If you could have a gown designed for yourself for the awards ceremony, whose gown would it be like?
• If you were to design a gown for the person on your left, what color would you make the dress?
• You are the director of the awards ceremony and in this room is your only cast of presenters, who would you pair together and why?
• Which actor or actress would win the best-dressed category tonight?
• Which actor or actress would win the worst dressed category tonight?
• Which actor or actress do you most identify with?
• Party Favors
• For those who love to stay with the theme, you can get engravable awards online that look Oscar-like. An inexpensive alternative can also be to make up your own awards. At any local craft store, you can find lots of items to design your own award, either by printing or crafting. Or, browse the dollar store for party favor "awards" that speak to the particular friend that is receiving them: For the "most creative" friend, present her with a light bulb. For the "most social" friend, award a new mini-address book.
• After the party, don't forget to send each guest a list of movie want-to-sees along with a picture of herself on the red carpet.
• Finally, remember: Reconnecting with the important people in your life doesn't have to be a big production. It can be something as simple as watching a televised awards show with your friends. You can even throw something together at the last minute, and you'll still be glad you did. So don't delay, "award" yourself a night in with the girls!

 

Play a starring role as a humanitarian like Bono or Angela Jolie

As you gaze upon the designer fashions and celebrity excess on the red carpet, wouldn't it be nice to do something for those less fortunate? You could turn your Oscar gathering into a charitable event by collecting gently used career clothing for women in need of professional attire. The Women's Alliance, an organization whose tagline is "Someone's Future is Hanging in Your Closet," can direct you to local chapters that provide career clothing to low-income women.

 

 

QUESTION

 

Dear Irene,

I met my best friend at a small restaurant where we both used to work. Even after I quit, Dee and I were very close and talked on the phone two or three times a day. We knew every personal detail of each other's lives. She used to tell me you are lucky to get one good friend in a lifetime and that I was her one true friend.

 

The bizarre problem: During the 15 years that I'd known Dee, she has had parties and never invited me. This included a party of 300 for her daughter's graduation. She also had a jewelry party and I love jewelry--but she told me about it the next day. I did confront her and stopped talking to her a couple of times because of this. Her excuses were evasive like you don't know my daughter, or blame my husband because he mailed the invites. One year she even lied to me about passing out candy at Halloween so we wouldn't stop there. Then, the next day she told me she only passed out candy for an hour.

 

Towards the end of our friendship, at 5:30PM one evening, Dee invited me to a psychic party that was scheduled to start at 6PM. She said that she needed seven people or would have to pay $35 for each one who didn't show. I told her I would have come if I had been given proper notice. Then she said, "Don't say I never invite you then."

 

Without this stupid problem, we had a very good and very strong friendship. I really miss my friend but I don't know how this problem could be solved. The last time I talked to her she was having a jewelry party and I know she could sense the anger in my voice when I heard about it. We both hung up that day and I didn't call and neither did she. That was last year. I was hoping you could help me.

 

Signed,
Carla

 

ANSWER

 

Hi Carla,

Dee has definitely drawn lines in the sand and relegated your relationship to one corner of her life. When something is so hard to fathom, it is usually because you are missing some piece of vital information (Think of it like trying to solve a puzzle with a missing piece.)

 

In this case, I can think of three possibilities:

• There's something about you that makes Dee feel so uncomfortable so she doesn't want you involved with her family or other friends;

• She is uncomfortable about some aspect of her own life that she hasn't chosen to share with you; or

• She has divulged something to you that she wants kept secret from her family and acquaintances.

 

Whatever the reason, this is more than a "stupid problem" because Dee lied, deceived, and hurt you--multiple times--rather than tell you the truth. Oddly, the way she chose to handle your friendship is reminiscent of someone carrying on an adulterous affair.

 

Since so much time has elapsed since your last contact with her, my best advice would be to let go, tell yourself you don't want that kind of friendship, and focus on nurturing healthier relationships than this one.

 

I hope this is helpful.

Best,
Irene

QUESTION

Hello Irene,

I recently lost a best friend whom I'll call "Y." Another friend, "K," approached me to organize a Halloween party at my house a few weeks ago. I agreed with one condition: She had to help me with food, drinks, etc. I invited my other friends, including my best friend "Y."

 

I didn't ask my BF or any other guests for help because I felt that I should take care of the planning with "K." My BF didn't seem too excited about the party from the beginning. She didn't want to dress up and I told her she didn't have to.

 

As it turned out, my BF felt that I excluded her from the party planning and decided not to go. I talked to her about it on the Monday following the Saturday night party. She was mad and didn't want to talk. I apologized for making her feel left out and tried to explain why I didn't ask her for help. I guess an apology wasn't enough. We work together and we used to take breaks and have lunch together. Since the day I tried to apologize, she's avoided me. I've asked her to take breaks with me and she's said no. She is taking her lunch at a different time; I think she doesn't want to see me.

 

I stopped asking her or trying to talk to her. Am I doing the right thing? Should I keep insisting or move on? It's so hard for me to accept that our friendship is over. Please advise what to do. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Moira

 

ANSWER

Dear Moira:

What seems like a minor slight to one friend can be blown out of proportion by another. For example, some BFs want exclusive relationships and can't tolerate the idea of sharing their BF with anyone else. It sounds like "Y" was hurt and jealous that you planned the party with "K" and that she, as your BF, didn't play a prominent role in the event. Perhaps, "Y" is a one-woman woman.

 

Some people, especially those who are shy, don't enjoy dressing up for Halloween or being with large groups. You say that your BF was unenthusiastic about the whole idea of the party from the beginning. Perhaps, she's not a party animal and felt a disconnect with you because you are more social.

 

The misunderstanding about the party, by itself, doesn't carry enough weight to be an automatic "friendship-killer." You didn't intentionally try to hurt her and the apology you made was timely and sincere. Could it be that there was something else going on all along between you, prior to this incident? Do you think she may have seized upon this minor slight as an excuse to end the friendship?

 

It's always uncomfortable when there is a schism between two close friends, especially if they work together. Call or send your BF an email saying that you miss her friendship and ask her if you can make plans for dinner together so you can talk it through. If she doesn't respond, it sounds like you've gone as far as you can in trying to patch up a slight that became magnified for reasons you can't fathom.

 

Regardless of how she responds, try to be cordial and friendly because you both need to maintain a sense of professionalism in the workplace.

Best,
Irene

I've never met Sophia Dembling in person but consider her a friend of sorts. We met as members of one or another online writer communities that we both frequent because we have so many overlapping interests. She lives in Texas but her roots are pure New York. I love her sense of humor and her refreshing candor.

 

When I surveyed more than 1500 women for my book, Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, women described what it was like to meet a close friend. "We just clicked," was the most common phrase they used. You can say that Sophia and I clicked, both literally and figuratively.

 

Then I made the mistake of posting a comment on World Hum after my "friend" had blogged about introverted travelers. Without thinking, I checked the box saying that I wanted to follow the thread. Over the coming months, I was bombarded with emails announcing more than 115 responses (and still counting) from her readers. In addition to being astounded by the number of followers she has, it made me realize how many people, including me, resonate to the concept of feeling as though we are introverts.

 

I asked Sophia to write this guest post on the topic of friendship among introverts. Feel free to post your own feelings about introversion at the end of this thread :-)

 

Sophia Speaks about friendship and introverts...

 

I finished reading Irene's wonderful book last night and it gave me lots to think about. Certainly I was comforted to read that not all friendships-indeed, few friendships-are meant to last a lifetime.

 

Losing friends can be particularly difficult for introverts because we don't surround ourselves with people. We prefer a few intimate friends to lots of less-intense friendships, and deep discussion with one person to a party full of festive chitchat. For us, losing one good friend can leave a larger hole in our lives than it might for an extrovert with 25 best friends.

 

Attrition in my friendships in recent years has forced me to think about what I most need and want in my friends. Among other things, and like all of us, I want my friends to understand me. But first, of course, that entails understanding myself. Writing and talking to people about introversion has helped me gain insight into my own behavior and what extroverts might want to know about their introverted friends.

 

It's all about energy: What appears to be the bottom-line difference between introverts and extroverts is that social interactions are energizing to extroverts but draining for introverts. This is why I might come to your party but leave long before the conga line starts. And why a stretch of interaction then requires a few days of solitude to recover. If you understand this, you will have grasped a key quality of your introverted friends and their perhaps puzzling behavior (why didn't she come to the after-hours party?) will make more sense.

 

 

I don't need to come out of my shell: A huge misconception about introverts is that we're all shy. Nope, not the same thing. One can be introverted and shy, or introverted and not shy. (Same with extroversion.) I'm not shy. When I'm in the mood to socialize, I'm perfectly friendly and outgoing. When I'm reluctant to socialize, it's choice, not fear. So if I decline an invitation, please don't push or insist it will be good for me. I have my reasons and they're valid. (At the same time, I promise not to say "no thanks" too often.)

 

The more is not the merrier: Not for me, anyway. If we make plans, please, please don't invite other people to join us-at the very least, check with me first. Introverts usually prefer one-on-one to groups and I'm bummed when the nice cozy visit I anticipated turns into a convivial racket. I'm sure your friends are wonderful people, just don't spring them on me and please don't be offended if I decline invitations to group outings. (Although I do believe that friends attend friends' parties. It's the right thing to do and if you throw one, I will come.)

 

Anything but the telephone: I have one friend who likes to call "just to hear my voice." Very sweet of her but I wish she would invite me to lunch instead. (Yes, of course I invite her; I usually initiate our get-togethers.) Like many introverts, I loathe the telephone. For one thing, we tend to think and respond slowly, and dead air on the telephone doesn't work. I'm awkward on the phone, especially when just-to-chat calls drop on me from out of the blue. And I feel bad that the other person can always sense my yearning to break free. But really, it's not you, it's the phone. Don't take it personally. (I do talk on the phone, sometimes for hours, with far-flung friends. However, I like to either schedule those calls or initiate them so I don't feel ambushed. I often screen my calls and return them when I feel up to it.)

 

Yes, I like online communication: Don't give me grief: The Internet is a godsend for introverts. Not as a replacement for face-to-face, no no!, but to stay connected between visits and take care of business (making plans, for example) without obligatory and tedious phone chitchat. Want to make me happy? Set up a get-together via e-mail. (I don't text or IM much, but many introverts like those, too.) I'm also a fan of social networking-a Facebook extrovert. I'm not a loner in my parents' basement with lots of virtual friends and no "real" ones. My Facebook friends are mostly real-life friends, many of whom are far away. I love being able to kibitz with them anytime online. (Of course, as a writer, I also spend a lot of time in front of a computer.) If you're not a fan of Facebook, that's fine. Just don't hassle me about it, OK?

 

Sophia blogs at The Introvert's Corner on PsychologyToday.com as well as on the travel site Flyover America with her friend Jenna Schnuer and she reviews fitness DVDs on Suit Up and Show Up. If that's not enough of her, there's more on www.SophiaDembling.com/