loss

QUESTION

 

Hi Irene,

I'm so happy to have found your blog and discovered your book. I will definitely be running out and buying a copy!

 

A very close, cherished friendship that I've had for 14 years has just come to a painful end, and I'm heartbroken. I wish there was a way to repair it, but I know it takes two to work on a relationship and my friend really did and said some things that damaged our relationship and my trust in her beyond repair. Still, having said that, I wish things had not unfolded as they did, and I certainly wish I could undo whatever my role in the demise was (although I've spent a lot of time thinking about it, and really believe I only played a small role in it coming to an end).

 

It's been about two months now. What continues to pain me is the horrible last words exchanged between us. I certainly expressed my anger and hurt to her but I was careful to avoid attacking her character outright or name-calling her, or permanently burning bridges between us. On the other hand, she attacked me personally and said some downright nasty things that were so over-the-top they were obviously designed to wound.

 

We had been like sisters who loved each other for years-so to end on such hostile, borderline-hateful terms seems wrong and sad. I know we can't be close friends anymore, but I hate being haunted by the memory of our last conversation, and having that go down as the last one in the history book of our friendship (which had many loving, fun times through the years). I'm wondering if there is a way to temporarily be in touch just to end on better terms. I don't know if that even makes sense!

 

Thanks!

Penny

 

ANSWER

Dear Penny,

I'm sorry that you felt so betrayed that you had to end your friendship. Whether the decision was hers, yours, or mutual, this has to be a painful loss and it sound like you are reluctant to let go.

 

In terms of the harsh words exchanged between you: When people are hurt and upset, they often lash out and say things out of anger that don't represent their true feelings. I'm not sure you can go back and change what happened, either the events that ended the friendship or the words that were uttered during the blowup. However, it sounds like you want to try and are willing to forgive your friend to some extent.

 

Since it has been two months since your last encounter, your friend's anger probably has dissipated and a calmer, less hostile conversation may, indeed, be possible. Let her know that you aren't happy with the way things ended and that you'd like another chance to discuss the problems you've had in a more positive manner. You'll probably be able to tell by her response whether or not this is possible.

 

To do this, it may be best to write your friend a note expressing your feelings and desire to get together. This will give her time to reflect on your request and on what happened between you so she isn't caught off guard. If you want to rekindle your relationship, you can also mention that you are open to that.

 

Since you were such close friends, I doubt that she is happy with the way your friendship ended either. I hope you can have a meaningful discussion that either allows you to become friends again or to walk away leaving each of you feeling more whole. It won't be easy but you seem to be motivated.

 

Hope this is helpful.

Sincerely,
Irene

 

QUESTION

 

Hi Irene,

I'm so happy to have found your blog and discovered your book. I will definitely be running out and buying a copy!

 

A very close, cherished friendship that I've had for 14 years has just come to a painful end, and I'm heartbroken. I wish there was a way to repair it, but I know it takes two to work on a relationship and my friend really did and said some things that damaged our relationship and my trust in her beyond repair. Still, having said that, I wish things had not unfolded as they did, and I certainly wish I could undo whatever my role in the demise was (although I've spent a lot of time thinking about it, and really believe I only played a small role in it coming to an end).

 

It's been about two months now. What continues to pain me is the horrible last words exchanged between us. I certainly expressed my anger and hurt to her but I was careful to avoid attacking her character outright or name-calling her, or permanently burning bridges between us. On the other hand, she attacked me personally and said some downright nasty things that were so over-the-top they were obviously designed to wound.

 

We had been like sisters who loved each other for years-so to end on such hostile, borderline-hateful terms seems wrong and sad. I know we can't be close friends anymore, but I hate being haunted by the memory of our last conversation, and having that go down as the last one in the history book of our friendship (which had many loving, fun times through the years). I'm wondering if there is a way to temporarily be in touch just to end on better terms. I don't know if that even makes sense!

 

Thanks!

Penny

 

ANSWER

Dear Penny,

I'm sorry that you felt so betrayed that you had to end your friendship. Whether the decision was hers, yours, or mutual, this has to be a painful loss and it sound like you are reluctant to let go.

 

In terms of the harsh words exchanged between you: When people are hurt and upset, they often lash out and say things out of anger that don't represent their true feelings. I'm not sure you can go back and change what happened, either the events that ended the friendship or the words that were uttered during the blowup. However, it sounds like you want to try and are willing to forgive your friend to some extent.

 

Since it has been two months since your last encounter, your friend's anger probably has dissipated and a calmer, less hostile conversation may, indeed, be possible. Let her know that you aren't happy with the way things ended and that you'd like another chance to discuss the problems you've had in a more positive manner. You'll probably be able to tell by her response whether or not this is possible.

 

To do this, it may be best to write your friend a note expressing your feelings and desire to get together. This will give her time to reflect on your request and on what happened between you so she isn't caught off guard. If you want to rekindle your relationship, you can also mention that you are open to that.

 

Since you were such close friends, I doubt that she is happy with the way your friendship ended either. I hope you can have a meaningful discussion that either allows you to become friends again or to walk away leaving each of you feeling more whole. It won't be easy but you seem to be motivated.

 

Hope this is helpful.

Sincerely,
Irene

 

There is no pain greater than the loss of a child. Parents who have suffered such a tragedy say that they never get over it; at best, they get through it. Lynn Bozof of Atlanta, Georgia, lost her son Evan when he was 20. A junior at Georgia Southwestern University, Evan was an honor student and a pitcher on his college baseball team. Below Lynn shares her experience of how the friends she made through a support group helped her cope with this unimaginable loss.

 

Can you briefly tell us about the circumstances leading to Evan's death in 1998?

 

Evan was away at school when he complained of a horrible headache, the worst he'd ever had. He was nauseated and couldn't hold anything down. We told him to get a friend to take him to the emergency room. When he arrived at the ER, the doctors thought he had a virus but kept him overnight so that he could get some extra rest.

 

I called my son about 7AM the next day but he was too sick to talk. I had the nurse put the phone up to his ear and asked if he wanted us to pick him up to come home for the weekend. He did. Before we could even leave home, we received a call from the hospital saying that Evan had meningococcal meningitis and was in critical condition.

 

When you get a phone call like this, your mind can't fully absorb what you're being told. My husband and I drove three hours to see Evan, not knowing if he would be alive when we got there. A few hours later, the doctors transferred him to a larger hospital, better equipped to handle bacterial meningitis. As he was taken to the ambulance, I told him, "Love you, Evan." As weak and sick as he was, he said, "Love you, Mom." Those were the last words he said to us.

 

Before long, all of his organs started to shut down. His fingers, his toes, his ears, and his nose all turned black, then his entire hands and feet, and the gangrene kept spreading up his limbs. We watched Evan fight to breathe, fight to live. Two weeks later, he was transferred to a third hospital. His arms had to be amputated above the elbows and his legs above the knees. We signed consent forms allowing the doctors to amputate as much as was necessary to save his life. Several days later, he had grand mal seizures for 10 hours that caused irreversible brain swelling, leaving him brain-dead.

 

Our son Evan, whom we loved more than we can ever put into words, had to be disconnected from the machines that were keeping him alive. He was placed in a body bag in front of our eyes.

 

Were your friends at home a source of solace and support after the death? How did they react?

 

Many friends offered support and were great, but some tried to avoid me. They probably didn't know how to handle it. I felt different and alone, as if were wearing a sign, "Mother who lost her son." Not only was I dealing with grief-but also somehow I felt guilty that I had allowed this to happen.

 

After Evan's death, what drew you and your husband to get involved with a support group?

 

At that time, my husband and I never knew that college students were at increased risk for meningitis. When we found out that a meningitis vaccine existed, we realized that our son didn't have to die. And if we didn't know about the vaccine, we were sure there were other parents who didn't know either.

 

We met other parents who had similar stories: The common denominator was that none of us knew that this disease was potentially vaccine-preventable. To have more of an impact, we banded together to form a national organization, the National Meningitis Association (NMA). Along the way, I met other moms, never knowing how closely our shared tragedies would bond us together.

 

Can you describe the special bond between you and other Meningitis Moms? Do you consider them friends?

 

There's a line from a Charles Dickens book, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Losing a child is, by far, the worst of times; there is nothing worse. For me, the "best of times" came into being with the wonderful friendships I formed within NMA, especially with a group we call Moms on Meningitis (M.O.M.s).

 

Meningitis swoops down and robs you of someone you love. Friends can empathize and share your grief, but there's something so pernicious about the infection -- its relentlessness, the way it invades your child's body -- which only a mom who has gone through it, can understand. Through this common bond, we formed great friendships. We've laughed together, cried together, shared stories of children and grandchildren. We were tied together at first by grief, then by determination to not let this happen to other families. In the process, many of us became close friends.

 

Have you learned any lessons about female friendship through your family's tragedy?

 

I've learned that when you find friends, as bad as things may seem, you aren't alone. I know that when my feelings of grief start to overwhelm me, that I can reach out to one of the moms, and share my feelings. She isn't going to think I'm "overdoing it" or that it's time to "get over it." They know what I'm going through.

 

Just today, I "facebooked" another mom who is going through a holiday slump. While you miss your child each and every day, certain times of the year, when you expect your whole family to be together, the loss seems greater. I said that I was going through a slump, too, and just knowing that each of us wasn't alone, made us both feel better and feel closer. While I don't want anyone else to lose someone they love to meningitis and become a part of our support group, I'm very grateful for the friendships I've formed while dealing with the loss of my child.

 

* Lynn Bozof has been the President of the National Meningitis Association since 2002.

* After writing several magazine articles about meningococcal disease and meeting the moms, the author joined the volunteer NMA Advisory Committee.

 

Information about meningococcal disease

Information about the National Meningitis Association

Information about the M.O.M.s program

QUESTION

Dear Irene,

My friend has been going through marriage problems ever since I've known her (13 years now). I have been there for her when she needed someone to talk to. When the problems got too big to deal with, I suggested counseling since I didn't want their marriage problems to affect the friendship that I have with her husband too and that my husband has with them.

 

Now, my dilemma is that I personally have gone through a very stressful period in my life with the loss of several family members. I really don't want to talk about all her stresses anymore! I know she feels hurt by this. But the main issue revolves around the funeral of one of my family members. My daughter and my friend, at the funeral home, exchanged words and my daughter ended up in tears out in the parking lot, crying over my friend's insensitivity. It was over a picture taken several years ago and my daughter was joking around with my friend about it because she had hidden it behind one of the pictures that just happened to be at the funeral home.

 

My friend snapped at my daughter and just walked away from her. When I found my daughter crying in the parking lot I couldn't believe my friend acted the way she did. I started to feel that she wasn't there to support my family in our loss but that she is so self-absorbed in her own misery that she just is not seeing things clearly. When I told her how upset my daughter was about their exchange she just said that my daughter was in the wrong. I know I would feel badly if the tables were turned and I had upset her child.

 

Can I get over this? Should I even try? She is acting like I owe her an apology. I have extended opportunities to reconnect but I find she wants to stay in the role of victim and just wants someone there who will pity her. Should I just leave the ball in her court? Please do not use my name if this gets posted. Thank you!

Signed,
Anonymous

 

ANSWER

Dear Anonymous,

Whenever there's a death in a family, the mourners left behind are usually under considerable stress---especially during the funeral and the days leading up to it. Even if your daughter made a mistake or error in judgment, your friend knew your family was grieving and should have given her some slack. Moreover, she should have done what she could to minimize, rather than add to, your stress. Even if she got angry at the moment, to not forgive you or your daughter afterwards sounds wrong.

 

As hard as it is to give up a long-term friendship, this isn't the first time your friend has disappointed you. In this instance, since she rebuffed your efforts to reconnect, I would definitely leave the ball in her court.

 

I'm sorry for your recent losses, which had to have been compounded by this unfortunate incident.

Best,
Irene

When I surveyed more than 1500 women for my new book, Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, I discovered that most of them have an extraordinarily difficult time ending their friendships, even very toxic ones. It's not surprising. Like divorce, the potential losses can be staggering, extending well beyond the friendship per se.

 

That's because when two women are close, they tend to draw others into their circle: family members, neighbors, co-workers, and other friends. For example, if you're best friends with your neighbor, the chances are pretty good that your school-age children are friends, too. The kids may even be the raison d'être for the friendship. If you end your friendship, what repercussions will it have on them? Will they still feel comfortable having play dates? How will you feel when you see your ex-friend at a PTA meeting or on the soccer field?

 

If your friendship was centered in the workplace, there are also substantial risks of collateral damage. If you break off with a colleague, will you lose her support on work matters? Will you feel uncomfortable if you're assigned to work on the same project team or each time you pass her in the hall? Will other people around you, who knew how close you once were, feel awkward or ask questions? Might she say something that would irreparably impugn your reputation? If your ex-friend is in a supervisory role, could it pose a threat to your employment?

Any breakup extends beyond the two people directly involved. The longer and the closer the friendship, the more ties and connections there are to worry about: You may have introduced your friend to your other friends, to your extended family, or to other business associates. She's probably become a significant part of your little corner of the world.

 

So when you weigh the pros and cons of ending a friendship, don't overlook the possible side effects of the breakup and take them into account in making your decision. If you ultimately decide to proceed, do everything you can to mitigate the damage:

• Leave gracefully without harsh words or recrimination. Treat your ex-friend with respect simply because she once was your friend.

• Let her down easily by distancing yourself gradually. Perhaps, you can cut back on your time together from once a day to once a week, or you can downgrade a close friendship to a more casual one.

• Try to make it easier for the people around you by communicating what's happening, if appropriate, without going into details.

 

Admittedly, no two friendships are the same nor are the circumstances surrounding a breakup, but going about it with forethought, understanding and sensitivity helps everyone better adjust to the loss.

QUESTION

Dear Irene,

Five years ago, my girlfriend stopped communicating with me. I found out later on from my sister that my friend's husband was diagnosed with stomach cancer and I wasn't there for her.

The only reason I wasn't there was I did not know. Her daughter told me that I had been e-mailed about the situation but I never received the e-mail that I know of. And if she really needed me why didn't she call on the phone?

 

I have tried repeatedly to contact her and apologize. I have tried calling, sent cards and letters, and I have tried going by her business several times, unsuccessfully. I have even talked to her husband, who by the way is now cancer-free, and he said he had no idea how to win her back.

 

We were friends since we were four-years-old and to lose her after 40 years hurts deeply. Can I win her back, or is it hopeless?

Signed,
Angelina

 

 

ANSWER

Dear Angelina:

The loss of longtime friendship is extraordinarily painful---especially, when someone is dumped and the decision has been so one-sided.

 

Misunderstandings are common among friends---a better measure of a friendship is how often these occur and how we get over them. Two friends need to be able to communicate to get over the inevitable rough spots. Having a long shared history ordinarily provides a foundation of trust that makes it easier to clear up relatively minor misunderstandings. This can be more difficult when someone is very upset and has recently experienced trauma or loss, as your friend did when her husband was diagnosed with a potentially fatal disease.

 

Emails are easily deleted, forgotten, and overlooked---so it is plausible that she sent it and you never saw it, or that she meant to send it and never did. Whatever the case, it is now five years later and your apologies have been met with an unexplained wall of silence. There must be some other fundamental problem going on with your friend, one that may or may not have anything to do with you. When behavior can't be explained, there's usually a missing piece of the puzzle that you don't know about.

 

You have no reason to feel guilty or ashamed. Although this doesn't make the hurt any less painful, situations like this are not unusual and you need to reach closure on your own by continuing to build other solid friendships.

 

I hope this helps!

Sincerely,
Irene

The connection between two friends is often indescribable. It just feels right whenever you are together. When I met Rita, I was an eleven-year-old awkward adolescent.  She was a poised, charming and strikingly attractive kindergarten teacher who chose me as the fifth-grade “monitor” to make sure that all the kids in her class stood in a straight line when they walked down the hall and cleaned up their wooden desktops after finger-painting. She first became my mentor and role model and later became a friend.

Over time, we forged a unique, intergenerational friendship that made the years between us disappear. As a second act in her career, Dr. Rita Dunn became an inspiring, internationally renowned professor of higher education; prolific author of more than three hundred articles, book chapters, monographs, and research papers; and authority (and missionary) on using individual learning styles to improve teaching. During that second career, the working wife and mother mentored more than 160 doctoral students, many of whom now occupy positions of leadership in their own right.

By any measure, she was an extraordinary woman with whom I was fortunate to have had an exceptional relationship. Although we weren’t in constant contact over the years, we stayed connected through periodic notes to each other and emails, punctuated by occasional visits. More than that, we just “clicked.” I understood her and she “got” me. As she passionately blazed her way through the various phases of womanhood, I depended on her for advice (which she was never short of) and wisdom to ease the bumps for me. We celebrated our remarkable friendship with a champagne toast when I took her to lunch for her 80th birthday last May.

I visited her at her home this Wednesday in a torrential downpour. I wanted to be with her. Only three weeks earlier, she had had trouble breathing and was hospitalized after arriving at the ER. After tests of every organ and body system, she was diagnosed with a particularly aggressive type of metastatic cancer. “It doesn’t look good,” she told me.

Soon after being discharged, she was admitted to another hospital in Manhattan where she was treated for ascites (an uncomfortable buildup of fluid in the abdomen) and then released for further outpatient treatment closer to home.  Earlier last week an oncologist told Rita and her family that treatment might only extend her life by several weeks. She declined and bravely braced herself for the days that followed.

When I arrived, Rita was sitting upright in a lounge chair caressed with stacks of pillows on each side of her but she still winced from pain. Her body was swollen with fluid and her skin was stretched to the breaking point from her waist to her toes. We held hands and she told me that she had led a blessed life for seven decades (happily married to her husband for more than half of them), had a wonderful extended family, a legion of friends, and had achieved all her dreams.  I left to pick up some medicines for her and when I returned Rita was napping peacefully. I tiptoed out, planning to return this weekend.

Ironically, as I was thinking about what I might blog about on the occasion of Friendship Day, the phone rang with a call telling me that Rita had passed away at 5AM yesterday. In 1935, the US Congress proclaimed the first Sunday in August each year as Friendship Day. Unlike Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, or Christmas, holidays that have become highly commercialized, there are no expectations of gifts, cards, flowers, or for this holiday. Most people probably haven’t heard of it, so if you choose you can act as if it is just another Sunday. On the other hand, you can decide to set aside time to celebrate the friendships that enrich your life.

With the hectic pace of our lives, it’s too easy to take friendships, even very good ones, for granted. Use Friendship Day as an excuse to rethink and realign your friendship priorities. It’s easy to get sucked into spending your time with a needy friend who constantly seeks out your companionship but consistently drains your energy, or with a toxic friend who is filled with ambivalence but conveniently lives next door. Consciously choose the friends you want to spend time with and nurture the relationships that matter most.

Rita Dunn was the most influential woman in my life, hands down, yet the time we spent together over the years feels far too brief. Balancing life, work, family and friendships often makes me feel like I’m on a high wire. It’s far easier to keep moving forward without making choices. I feel like I was on autopilot and almost imperceptibly lost control of my priorities, spending the bulk of my time with people and things that were less important to me. Losing Rita reminds me that I owe it to myself and those who matter most to spend my precious moments wisely.

Most friendships don't last forever. If you are reeling from a failed friendship or one that seemed to drift apart, here are some thoughts to help you get over the hurt. It may even be more helpful to substitute your own.

 

Repeat these affirmations as many times as it takes to actually feel them and believe them!

• Lost friendships are a part of life.

• The sudden loss of a friendship doesn't invalidate the meaningfulness of the relationship that once was.

• Grief and mourning are normal after the loss of a good friend.

• The more important the relationship was, the longer it will take to heal.

• Every broken friendship offers lessons to inspire better ones in the future.

• Blame isn't the answer since it impedes forgiveness and provokes anger.

• Closure doesn't take two; it's something I can work on independently.

 

Are there other affirmations that have worked for you?

 

This post also appeared on The Huffington Post.

A shared experience can bring people together and even create the foundation for life-long friendships. When I first arrived at my position at the National Institute of Mental Health, without any forewarning, my new supervisor told my friend-to-be Risa that she would be sharing an office with me. Surely, no one likes to lose their space and privacy so things were kind of bumpy at the beginning. But after several months we not only learned how to co-habit comfortably in the workplace, we became close friends. I remember bonding with my friend Diana when we were breast-feeding our babies at the same time. We were both on maternity leave while navigating the new waters of motherhood together. We are still friends today.

 

Some life circumstances make times more challenging to befriend than others. Perhaps you're battling depression or addiction, reeling from a divorce or other loss, or someone you love has been diagnosed with a serious illness. At such times, it's natural to feel like you want to crawl under the covers and isolate yourself. Yet connecting with another person who understands your experience firsthand can help you cope and feel less alone.

 

So I was excited to learn about Experience Project, an internet site that provides an opportunity for people to connect and share a sense of community based on similar experiences. I interviewed Armen Berjikly, the founder and CEO, to learn a bit more.

How does Experience Project (EP) relate to friendship?

If you accept the premise that most, if not all, of our friendships are based on shared experiences-- cultures, religions, backgrounds, schools, careers, families, etc. then Experience Project provides the means to turn strangers into intimate friends.

EP harnesses technology to introduce people who could (and perhaps should) be friends in the physical world, based on shared life experiences, but who will either never meet, or never realize the extent of what they have in common. If you think about it literally, you pass hundreds of people a day, and any one of those people could be your next best friend-- if only you knew who to stop, what to ask, and even then if they felt comfortable responding. EP makes that happen thousands of times a day, providing a platform where who you are is all that matters.

 

Can you provide a bit of information on the demographics of your visitors? What proportion are women?

While visitors to our site break down nearly evenly, registered members are two-thirds female. More specifically, our typical member is an American mother in her late twenties.

 

What types of experiences seem to draw women to the site? Are their experiences different or similar to that of men?

Women and men are generally drawn to the site for similar reasons-- experiences around health and relationships. Broadly generalizing, the usage pattern of male versus female users differs a bit in that female members are more likely to build a community among the people they interact with-- exploring their profiles, commenting on their stories-- while male users are slightly more inclined to be problem-solving oriented, getting and giving input to specific questions. These generalities obviously don't hold true across the board, and many of our most active members in the community at large are male.

 

Do you ever hear stories of women who connected on the site and became friends offline? Or are all the visitors anonymous?

Members are required to remain anonymous in their public postings-they are not allowed to post information that could be used to specifically identify them, such as phone numbers, addresses, real names, etc. However, once people begin interacting, they have every tool at their disposal to communicate with other members privately. While they can continue to use the site to communicate anonymously, and indefinitely, some members naturally want to connect in the real world. We just heard about our first EP wedding-- the members were perfect strangers who met, and discovered each other, through the site. Their wedding will be attended by a dozen or so other members. Further, we know of dozens of coffee circles and even a group of members who went on a summer road trip together. So yes, EP can lead to connections offline, though we never push people to feel that they have to take it that far, and in fact do everything in our power to make sure that communicating on the site is comfortable and satisfying.

 

What were your motivations for creating the site?

I wanted to create a place where people could be themselves, and define themselves through all of the experiences in their life that they considered important, including the triumphs and the challenges. The site began after a close friend's diagnosis with a serious illness. After building an online community dedicated specifically to that disease, I saw the real power driving the site was connecting people who shared life experiences. Further, no one person was defined by any one experience, and connecting people who share a combination of experiences provided for the most personalized support, as well as the basis for a long-lasting and meaningful friendship. With 3 billion people on this planet, no one should ever have to feel alone, no matter what they're going through and how unique they feel their situation is.

 

 

As long as I can remember, my mom has called me at 7:46AM on every single birthday. That’s the precise time when I was born.  I remember years when I resented her calling as I was rushing to get to work or was taking advantage of a rare chance to sleep in on a weekend. Then I began to really enjoy the little ritual.

At about 7:15AM this morning, the phone rang. It was my sister calling to wish me a happy birthday. A few minutes later, my friend Betty was playing a recording of a Mañanita song on the phone to wish me a happy birthday as she had done for all her relatives in Mexico since she was a young girl. Then my friend Risa called from Maryland on my day, even though she had already called me the day before, sent a card, and sent beautiful flowers. The last call came at about 7:50; it was my friend Donna who was calling to confirm our luncheon celebration.

 

Before long, it was well past 8:00AM and I realized that this was the first time that my mother’s call hadn't come. From a cascade of chronic ailments, my widowed mom has become quite frail over the last year. She is sleeping later herself, and has trouble seeing and pressing the buttons on the phone with her gnarled hands. Even when we do speak by phone and visit her several times a week, she often doesn’t hear what I’m saying. She managed to have her aide help her call me later in the morning and with some help from my friends, she was able to join us for lunch in her wheelchair. A very social person all her life, she didn’t have much to say and picked at her food. Accommodating to age, loss, and disability has been a tough passage for my mom---and for me to bear witness.

 

Friends help us get over life hurdles, big and little, whatever they may be.  Never underestimate how meaningful an “I’m thinking of you” phone call can be on a friend’s birthday.