contest

A recent Harris Interactive Poll commissioned by Hampton Hotels found that 43% of adults travel with a friend at least once a year and at least 74% prefer to take a road trip when they do. The survey also found that the most discussed aspect of a trip is deciding where to go (34%), followed by what to do (27%), and finally agreeing on the budget (14%).

For me, one of the best parts of traveling is sharing the experience with others: both the people traveling with me, and those I befriend along the way. So I was delighted that Hampton (part of Hilton worldwide) recently tapped me as a spokesperson to provide advice to them and their guests on traveling with friends. Here are some of the tips to strengthen the bonds of friendship and avoid unnecessary hassles; they may be timely during these last weeks of summer.

 

Don't Snooze When You Choose

Select your travel companions wisely and make sure they're people whose company you enjoy and with whom you feel comfortable and relaxed. Any vacation with friends offers the potential to bring you closer and to create shared memories that can last a lifetime.

 

First Class or Coach?

Talk costs upfront; some friends are more frugal than others. You may all covet lavish vacations but you're also realistically constrained by budgets. Let's be honest, it's a bit uncomfortable to talk about money. Being clear about any budget limitations will make the trip less stressful each time you have to reach for your wallet.

 

Pick a City, Any City

Where you travel depends on the friends, their tastes, their pocketbooks and the season. Decide if you want to expose yourself to new cultures with different foods and customs or just sit back, relax and enjoy your vacation.

 

Fail to Plan? Plan to Fail

Make sure you and your friend(s) are on the same wavelength about your destination and at least agree on a rough itinerary before you leave home. There's nothing worse than arriving at your destination and finding out on the first morning that you have vastly different expectations.

 

Personality Detours

Allow for flexibility when it comes to travel. No two people behave or think exactly the same way. It's okay to have different habits, lifestyles and ideas about travel as long as friends are flexible, respectful, and willing to compromise when you are together.

 

Do you have any questions/suggestions about traveling with friends or experiences to share?

 

To encourage friends to connect this summer, Hampton is currently hosting an online "Chain of Friends" sweepstakes. You could win the Grand Prize of a entire hotel (2 days for 100 friends). Imagine that. Click here if you're interested in finding out more about it. 

Deirdre Madden's most recent novel, Molly Fox's Birthday (Picador, 2010), is a beautifully written story that aptly conveys the complexity of a woman's emotional bonds with her family and friends. The story is focused on a single day in the life of an unnamed narrator, a playright who is staying over at the Dublin home of her closest friend of 20 years, an actress named Molly Fox. The narrator is trying to work on her latest play, but keeps getting distracted and winds up doing far more reminiscing and thinking than writing.

 

I was honored to conduct this interview via email with Deirdre, an acclaimed Irish novelist, to have her respond to some questions about the book, about writing, and about her own friendships. Molly Fox's Birthday was a nominee for the prestigious Orange Prize for Fiction.

 

Irene:
Why did you choose to tell your story within the confines of a single day in the life of the main character?

Deirdre:
A book that was very much in my mind when I was writing Molly Fox's Birthday was Virginia Woolf's Mrs. Dalloway. I liked the balance between the past and the present, and it seemed like a good model, a good way to arrange the material. My writing tends to be quite introspective and is concerned with memory rather than being active and narrative-driven. Setting the novel over a single day allowed for these elements to find a suitable balance.

 

Irene:
Why did you leave the main character unnamed?

Deirdre:
I liked the idea of knowing a great deal about a character - pretty much her whole life story - and yet not knowing her name. Usually it's the other way round: when you present or describe someone, the first thing you say is ‘This is...' and you name her. So it was a way of holding something back, of signalling a bit of distance between the reader and the narrator. On the same subject, when writing a novel, often you know that you've got to grips with a character when you've got a name for them that you know really suits.

 

Irene:
Is the narrator's flow of thoughts, procrastination, and writer's block something you've experienced first-hand?

Deirdre:
When you're writing a novel there are times, particularly at the start of the project, when, I find, you need to be quite passive and vague. You need to be receptive, to day-dream a bit, to follow stray thoughts that might or might not lead somewhere and become useful. The trick is to know when to move on from that phase to a more focused and active mindset. If you don't get it right, you do end up wasting time and procrastinating, stuck on something that's going nowhere. I suspect that sooner or later most writers go through something similar to the narrator's creative problems in Molly Fox's Birthday. You just keep going and you get through it.

 

Irene:
Do you have many long-term friendships of your own and how have they weathered the years? Do you believe in such a thing as "friends for life?"

Deirdre:
Yes, I have quite a few long term friends, some of them very long term indeed! Everyone changes as the years pass, but in a true friendship there's something at the heart of it that either evolves with the changes, or else over-rides them so that they don't matter. Circumstances can change but the thing that drew you to that person in the first place can stay constant. But like any important relationship, you can't take a friendship for granted or neglect it. It merits attention and respect.

 

Irene:
Why did you characterize Molly as a friend-poacher? What are your thoughts about friend-poaching (taking someone else's friend and making them your own)?

Deirdre:
Although she is vulnerable in many ways, Molly Fox has a much stronger personality than her friend, the playwright who narrates the novel, and has a stronger will. What one person sees as friend-poaching another will see simply as mutual friendship. Much depends upon the nature of the friendship that is being encroached upon: often the person about to become the wounded party won't have fully understood or admitted to the real nature of a friendship until they feel it to be under threat. That's certainly the case in the novel.

 

Irene:
Do family relationships, in any sense, predetermine our friendships?

Deirdre:
I'm very interested in relationships within families, most particularly siblings where one person is an artist - a painter, a writer or an actor - and how that impinges upon their brothers and sisters. Family and friends aren't, of course, mutually exclusive, and I believe people who are happy and at ease in their families are more likely to be relaxed about making connections and friendships outside the family. I suppose most of us take some kind of lead from our parents on how we conduct friendships, without our even being conscious of it. Molly Fox's Birthday is about family as well as about friendship.

 

Friendship by the Book is an occasional series of posts on The Friendship Blog about books that offer friendship lessons. 

 

 

*****BOOK GIVEAWAY

To be eligible for a free copy of Molly Fox's Birthday, post a comment about friendship, writing, or friend poaching here. Please include your email address so I can contact you if you are the winner. (If you don't want to post your email address here, you can post the comment and send your email address to me at irene@thefriendshipblog.com/)

Winners will be selected at random from all entries received by 11:59 PM on Sunday, August 15, 2010. U.S. shipping addresses only, please. Good luck, girlfriends!

 

SAMHSA and the Ad Council have announced the What a Difference a Friend Makes Contest.

 

"Friendship and support are key aspects of recovery from mental health problems. Individuals are more likely to seek help in an environment of acceptance and understanding. SAMHSA and the Ad Council have launched this video and essay contest to promote the powerful testimonies of friends supporting each other in recovery, and to further awareness and education about the vital importance of mental health."

 

To enter:

Submit a short video or an essay that tells in a creative and meaningful way how you've supported a friend during a tough time in his/her life or how a friend supported you. The story can be based on your real-life experience, and it does not need to reveal the identity of the friend (unless the friend agrees to participate). Click here for the entry form and full instructions..

 

Deadlines:

Receipt of entries: August 31, 2010

Winners announced: September 15, 2010

 

Prizes

• One Video Contest Grand Prize: Trip for two to the 2010 Voice Awards in Hollywood, CA, where the winning video will be shown during the event

• Two Video Contest Runner-Up Prizes: A Flip MinoHDTMvideo camera

• Two Essay Contest Prizes: A Flip MinoHDTM video camera

New York Times best-selling author Jane Green is a mother of six. Remarkably, she has written a book a year for the past 12 years. Like her other books, the newest one also focuses on the emotional lives of lives of women.

Promises to Keep, was inspired by the life and death of her real-life friend Heidi, who was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer. The journey she shared with her girlfriend, accompanying her to chemo and spending time with her when she was too weak to leave her bed, profoundly affected the way Jane thinks about relationships, especially her friendships. My interview with Jane highlights some of her thoughts about that life-changing friendship with Heidi:

 

Irene:

Jane, I know you were born in London. What challenges did you face as an expat making friendships in a new country? How did you meet those challenges?

Jane:

It took me a long time to find my footing here. I moved and made instant friends through having a young child and joining a mommy and me group, but few of them were lasting. By the time a year was up, I had a core group of three who remain amongst my dearest.

 

Irene:

How did you meet your friend Heidi, who inspired the book? What was special about that friendship?

Jane:

Heidi was one of those three mentioned above. I met her first at a children's music class. I didn't know her name, but we cracked up laughing at the ridiculousness of the teacher. When she left, I was instantly regretful that I didn't ask for her number. All I knew was that her name was Heidi, she had a son, and she lived on the other side of town. I spent a week trying to find her, and on the Friday I was hosting a playgroup in my yard. I was alone with my son, waiting for our regular mothers to arrive, when my garden gate opened and in walked Heidi. She had been invited by one of the regulars.

We became instant fast friends, and put our children into pre-school together, so we were together every day. She was a remarkable girl. She had more confidence and sparkle than anyone I have ever met, was utterly comfortable in her own skin, and as a result drew people to her. She was incredibly wise, and measured, and the first person I always turned to for advice.

 

Irene:

What impact did the premature and tragic death of a friend have on your life/friendships?

Jane:

I am very busy, life is very busy, and I was, I think, a somewhat lazy friend. I love them, I know they love me, but I didn't make much of an effort. I would forget to call, and was relieved that even if we didn't see each other often, our friendships somehow stayed the same. Going through an illness and then death of a close friend, has changed my attitudes to friendship enormously.

I learned that saying you love your friends isn't enough; that love is a verb, it requires Acts of Love. It is all about the doing, not the saying, and now I make a point, every day, of emailing, or phoning, or making a plan with those I love.

 

Irene:

You have four young children, a new husband with two children of his own, and an active career. How do you balance friendships with the rest of your life?

Jane:

I have learned that it is imperative that I make time for my friends, that they demand to be as much a part of the mix as my family and my work, and perhaps more so, because they are not an inevitability. All relationships, be it your spouse, your family, your friends, take work, and I make sure that a part of every day is spent connecting with friends.

 

Irene:

What friendship lessons do you think that mothers need to convey to their daughters?

Jane:

Kindness, I believe, is key. Avoiding "girl drama" by not engaging and walking away. Consideration of others.

 

Book Giveaway:

Jane's latest book is so gripping that I had a hard time putting it down. Would you like a chance to win a free copy and be one of the first people to read Promises to Keep? If so:

Post a comment here about the most important friendship lesson you've ever learned or else email it to me at Irene@TheFriendshipBlog.com with the subject line: FRIENDSHIP LESSONS.

Please be sure to include your email address if you post it so I can contact you if you are the winner.

Winners will be selected at random from all entries received by 11:59 PM on Tuesday, July 6, 2010. U.S. shipping addresses only, please. Good luck, girlfriends!

How many times have you felt that there simply aren't enough hours in the day? Or perhaps, thought you really would like to spend more time with girlfriends but don't have the time?

 

If feelings like these haunt you, you'll want to read Laura Vanderkam's inspiring new book, 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think (Portfolio, 2010). Based on interviews with happy and successful people who have mastered the art, Laura provides practical tips to manage the ample time you have so your life and your relationships are more satisfying and efficient. I was delighted to interview Laura about the book and its relevance to female friendships.

 

Irene: Why do you think so many people feel time-challenged, never having enough time to do the things they want to do?

Laura: We live in a distracted world. If something is important to you, you simply have to put it in your schedule first. But if you schedule time at work to think about your career, and where you'll be in five years, you'll be far more likely to reach your goals. Your email will still be there in 45 minutes, so go for a run now. Television is fine in small doses, but many people don't take it in small doses. Instead of watching 2 hours after the kids go to bed, trade off with your spouse and spend an evening catching up with a friend you haven't seen in ages. This takes a lot of self-discipline, but has a big payoff in terms of happiness.

 

Irene: What are some of the worst time-wasters?

Laura: People always mention things like Facebook and Twitter, but these tend to waste minutes. A meeting you didn't need to attend, or a business trip you didn't need to take can easily waste hours or days. More broadly, if your job isn't getting you toward where you want to be in life, you're wasting even more time. Fix the big things first, and then you can tune up the little things.

 

Irene: How does the perceived time crunch affect people's friendships?

Laura: It's an almost universal complaint among working parents: there's just no time for maintaining friendships. Not only do you want to make sure you spend plenty of your non-working hours with your kids, there's the hassle of finding babysitters and making get-togethers work with everyone's schedules. Not all friendships may be worth preserving, but some are. You just have to get creative.

 

Irene: In your book, you talk about making "alignments." Can you give some examples of how you can align your life to have more time for your friends?

Laura: To "align your time" is to build in time for friendships by including friends in your regular activities. I try to meet friends for lunch sometimes - I have to eat anyway, and this is usually a time when I have childcare. Or we have friends who don't have the babysitter problem over for a late dinner. I'd love to find an occasional running partner. I'm a big fan of scheduling playdates with kids whose parents you really like. And over the years, I've actually found it easiest to keep up friendships with people who also sing in my choir, the Young New Yorkers' Chorus. We rehearse every Tuesday night, so it's pretty easy to grab a drink afterwards or socialize during our breaks.

 

Irene: Why did you write 168 Hours?

Laura: A few years ago, when I was a new mom, I kept hearing how hard it was to build a career and a family at the same time, or if you did manage to keep your job while raising your kids, you'd never sleep. I was quite concerned about this, so I set out to write about this time crunch. But then a few things happened. First, I discovered that many of the most successful people I was interviewing didn't feel particularly starved for time. I also found plenty of studies and data sources suggesting that the widespread perception that Americans are overworked and sleep deprived is inaccurate. And finally, when I was honest with myself, I realized that I usually didn't feel too frazzled either. I wrote this book to share this message, which I hope will be inspiring: we can choose how to spend our time, and we have more time than we think.

 

BOOK GIVEAWAY

If you would like to revisit your own "168 hours" and have the chance to win one of the first copies of Laura's book:

• Post a comment below about how you make time for friends by JUNE 2nd. (Plenty of time between now and then :-)

• Be sure to include your email address or send it to me at Irene@TheFriendshipBlog.com so I can follow up if you win.

• Put 168 HOURS in the subject line and we'll randomly pick one person to win a copy.

Friendship by the Book is an occasional series of posts on The Friendship Blog about books that offer friendship lessons.

Becoming an older mother is never easy---physically or emotionally---especially if there's no logical father-to-be on the horizon. Three Wishes: A True Story of Good Friends, Crushing Heartbreak, and Astonishing Luck on Our Way to Love and Motherhood (Little Brown, 2010) is an incredibly wise, witty and powerful memoir written by three brave and accomplished women who had the desire to be mothers---each one, on her own terms.

 

On their shared journey to becoming mothers, they forged an incredible sisterhood that speaks to the importance of friendship in women's lives and shows how empowering friends can be. May I briefly introduce you to the authors---my new BFFs---Carey Goldberg, Beth Jones and Pam Ferdinand?

 

How old were you when you gave birth for the first time?----And what lessons have you learned as an older mother?

PAM

I was 41 when I gave birth to Emma, and I'm still learning the lessons of being an older mother. So far, I have found the downsides are that I definitely don't have the energy I once had in my 20s and 30s, and that my daughter will not know her great-grandparents, as I did. Nor will she likely have an extended amount of time with her grandparents and Mark and I (though we hope to stick around for a long while.) The upside is that I fully lived and worked, understand myself more now than I did as a young woman, and am having a new wonderful adventure at an unexpected stage of life. I don't take anything about motherhood or my daughter, or my relationship with Mark, for granted.

 

CAREY

I was 41 when I had Liliana and 43 when I had Tully. I second all that Pam said: I feel tremendously lucky that I had the chance to fulfill my career dreams, which involved extensive travel and sometimes 24/7 work, before having a child. And I feel tremendously lucky to have my children and husband. My only regret is that, now that I know what being a mother is like, I risked missing it by waiting so long. If I had it to do over again, I would start trying earlier. Also, this is a little strange, but as a mother well into middle age, I'm deeply aware of my own mortality, and that helps keep me focused on how I most want to spend my time: with my children. I still work, but I'm far less likely to worship what one friend calls The Bitch Goddess of Success.

 

BETH

I was 41 when my son was born and all the cliches are true: I'm more tired, I have less time to take care of myself, I fear that I'll be gone before I could be a grandmother (and my body's never been the same). But, as with Pam and Carey, I lived a life before I had my son, and I'm comfortable with who I am. I have friends who had children in their 20's or younger, and they're trying to figure themselves out now, in their 40's and 50's. I feel like I might move slower than twenty years ago (I'm certain), but I'm more patient, and I'm far more settled, literally and figuratively, than I would've been if I'd had children during my first marriage or earlier. I'm very okay with how it all turned out, and for me, that's a lesson, too.

 

What effect have your friendships had on your desire  to become a mother?

CAREY

I like to think that I served as a kind of single-mother mentor for Beth and Pam, and a single-mother friend of mine named Sally had filled that role for me earlier on. It is a huge decision to become a single mother, and it helped enormously to be allowed in to the life of a woman who had already made that decision, a woman whom I deeply admired. She showed me that it was possible, and though demanding, deeply wonderful.

 

PAM

I always wanted to have a child. But Beth and Carey encouraged me to become a mother before it was too late and showed me it was possible even if our lives had not gone according to plan. I could see their joy as mothers, and we wanted love and happiness for each other as much as we wanted it for ourselves.

 

BETH

It's easier to do anything - hang-glide, ice climb, have a child alone - if you've seen someone else do it first, and seen them thrive (or merely survive, when necessary). I met Carey when her daughter was a baby, and I have many friends and family who are single mothers. I believed I could be a good mother, even if I had to go it alone. Carey was not only doing it successfully but she had the vials to make it possible for me, and offering them was a huge gift for a new friendship. Pam had introduced me to Carey, and she was on the same road as me. Knowing you're not alone is extremely powerful. I didn't end up as a single mother, but having friends who encouraged me in the direction of motherhood, by whatever means necessary, was a great motivation.

 

What effect has marriage and motherhood had on your close friendships

BETH

Fortunately, second-time-around, I married a man who my friends like. Still, with a family, especially with a young child (my son is five) scheduling my life is harder, and being spontaneous - which I loved - is mostly out the window. No more driving off into the sunset alone or with a girlfriend. But my friends have always been, and will always be, an intrinsic and core part of who I am. Phil understands that, and isn't jealous of my friends and the time I spend with them (or at least I don't think he is). Motherhood has made me less available on a moment's notice, but even my single friends have confirmed that I haven't been lost to them, that I remain the same person I was for the majority of my life.

 

PAM

Time, of course, impacts all aspects of my life these days, including my relationships. But I try very hard to sustain close friendships from throughout my life, and not all of my close friends are married and/or mothers. (I am not married!)

With some of my women friends, marriage and/or motherhood are not and never were among the primary bonds we share; for a few, it's a source of discomfort or pain because they are still hoping to have one or both of those things, and it's been important for us to communicate openly and honestly about that. Others desire neither marriage or motherhood. And for the close women in my life who are/were married and/or mothers, it's added a new dimension to our friendships in terms of sharing experiences, understanding each other's lives, and spending time together as moms and women in committed relationships.

 

CAREY

I've found that marriage mixes just fine with friendships; motherhood, however, is another matter! It is just so incredibly difficult to find the long blocks of time for talking and adventuring that helped build the basis for my close friendships in the before-children years. We can share outings that include the children, but then the children tend to make conversation difficult. My friendships have survived motherhood, and in some cases -- as I've found with Beth and Pam -- our mothering experiences, the anxieties and the joys, have even deepened the friendships. I've also found some new friends in the parents of my children's friends. But overall? I'd have to say motherhood is a challenge that friendship must overcome.

 

ABOUT THE AUTHORS:

Carey Goldberg has been the Boston bureau chief of the New York Times, Moscow correspondent for the Los Angeles Times, and most recently a health and science reporter at the Boston Globe. She now writes happily at home.

Beth Jones is a freelance writer and educator who has contributed to the Boston Globe, the New York Times, and numerous academic journals. She plans to climb many more frozen waterfalls.

Pamela Ferdinand is an award-winning freelance journalist and former reporter for the Washington Post, Boston Globe, and Miami Herald. She remains an incorrigible romantic.

WIN A BOOK

If you would like to know more about the authors and their wishes, send your email address to me at Irene@TheFriendshipBlog or post it in the comment section below.

Put THREE WISHES in the subject line by COB Mother's Day, May 9, and I'll randomly pick one person to win a copy of this impossible-to-put-down book!

 

Friendship by the Book is an occasional series of posts on The Friendship Blog about books that offer friendship lessons.

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal by Amy Chozick, How Parents Became Cool, describes the parental paradigm shift (as seen on TV) from loving but firm (think: The Brady Bunch) to best friends (think: Pretty Little Liars). We've all heard stories of (and some of us have witnessed up close) moms who are trying so desperately to be cool that they opt for the role of BFFs to their daughters instead of moms. It's an easy line to cross; after all, every woman wants another friend---and moms, especially, want to connect with their teens and tweens and not be thought of as old hags. But can a mother be a daughter's best friend?

 

Apropos of Mother's Day, I asked my colleagues, Linda Perlman Gordon and Susan Morris Shaffer, authors of Too Close for Comfort: Questioning the Intimacy of Today's Mother-Daughter Relationship (Berkley, 2009) to address that question in a guest post. Here is what Gordon and Shaffer had to say:

 

There is an old Chinese proverb that states "One Generation plants the trees; another gets the shade," and this is how it should be with mothers and daughters. The intimate nature of the relationship between a mother and daughter is sometimes confusing. If close, the relationship can simulate friendship through the familiar characteristics of empathy, listening, loyalty, and caring. However, the mother/daughter relationship has unique characteristics that distinguish it from a best friendship. These characteristics include a mother's role as primary emotional caretaker, a lack of reciprocity, and a hierarchy of responsibility. This hierarchy, combined with unconditional love, precludes mothers and daughters from being best friends.

 

Because the essential ingredient for friendship is equality and there is always an imbalance when one person in the twosome is the parent of the other, mothers and daughters naturally can't be best friends. Marina, 27 years old says, "I love spending time with my mom, but I wouldn't consider her my best friend. She's MY MOM. Best friends don't pay for the dress you covet in a trendy clothing store that you wouldn't pay for yourself. Best friends don't pay for your wedding. Best friends don't remind you how they carried you in their body and gave you life, and sometime gas! Best friends don't tell you how wise they are and trump your opinion because they have been alive at least 20 years longer than you. I love my mom, and I want her to remain a mom."

 

This doesn't mean that the mother/daughter relationship can't be very close and satisfying. While some adult relationships are still troubled, many find them to be extremely rewarding. So many moms spoke to us about how happy they are to be finished with the "eye rolling" and look from their adolescent daughters, a look that says, "You must come from a different evolutionary chain than me." Daughters also adopted the famous Mark Twain quote about aging, with some slight alterations, and their feelings about their mothers. Mark Twain said, "When I was a boy (girl) of 14, my father (mother) was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man (woman) around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man (woman) had learned in seven years."

 

This generation of mothers and adult daughters has a lot in common which increases the likelihood of shared companionship. Mothers and daughters have always shared the common experience of being homemakers, responsible for maintaining and passing on family values, traditions, and rituals. Today contemporary mothers and daughters also share the experience of the workforce, technology and lack of a generation gap, which may bring them even closer together.

 

Best friends may or may not continue to be best friends, but for better or worse, the mother and daughter relationship is permanent, even if for some unfortunate reason they aren't' speaking. The mother and child relationship is, therefore, more intimate and more intense than any other. As long as that hierarchy exists, it's not an equal relationship. Daughters should not feel responsible for their mother's emotional well-being. Not that they don't care deeply about their mothers, it's just that they shouldn't be burdened with their mother's well being. As one mother said to her daughter, "I would gladly dive under a bus for you and there is no way that I'm diving under a bus for my friends." Her daughter responded, "And I'd gladly let you dive under the bus to save me!"

 

The mother/daughter relationship is so much more comprehensive than a best friendship. It's a relationship that is not replaceable by any other. This unique bond doesn't mean that when daughters mature they can't assume more responsibilities and give back to their mothers, but it's never equal and it's not supposed to be. Mothers never stop being mothers, which includes frequently wanting to protect their daughters and often feeling responsible for their happiness. Mother always "trumps" friend.

 

BOOK GIVEAWAY 

For a chance to win your own copy of Too Close for Comfort: Questioning the Intimacy of Today's Mother-Daughter Relationship, post your own thoughts below in response to the question: Can a daughter be a mother's best friend? Be sure to include your email address so if you are chosen, I can contact you for your snail mail address.

Winners will be selected at random from all entries received by 11:59 PM on Tuesday, May 11, 2010. U.S. shipping addresses only, please. Good luck, girlfriends! 

The Nine Rooms of Happiness: Loving Yourself, Finding Your Purpose, and Getting Over Life's Little Imperfections (Hyperion Voice, 2010) offers straightforward strategies, or "pearls" of wisdom, for resolving relationship conflicts. One gem that particularly resonated with me was: "You can't change them. You can change yourself." Having wasted incalculable time in my own youth trying to change others, I couldn't agree more.

 

Co-authored by Lucy Danziger, the editor in chief of Self-Magazine, and Catherine Birndorf, M.D., a psychiatrist at New York Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center, this new book joins the burgeoning genre of happiness literature. The authors cleverly employ a house as a metaphor for a woman's emotional life. As in any house, the rooms (chapters) of this one are interconnected, but, of course, I took an immediate detour into the chapter named the Living Room, which represents the area of women's friendships and social connections.

 

In the Living Room, we're introduced to a number of women whose friendships are "messy" for a variety of reasons. Whether it's the friend who is insatiably needy, self-involved, mistrusting, or jealous, the authors provide insight into the unconscious motivations that impede these women from achieving healthier friendships that can enhance their happiness quotient. The book helps the reader identify and understand the psychological defense mechanisms that often undermine and destroy friendships. By offering readers tools, they can take ownership of their messy rooms and make changes that improve their friendships and their lives.

 

Friendship by the Book is an occasional series of posts on The Friendship Blog about books that offer friendship lessons.

 

To find out more about The Nine Rooms of Happiness or its the authors, click here.

 

 

BOOK GIVEAWAY:

 

You have TWO chances to win a free copy of The Nine Rooms of Happiness, courtesy of Hyperion Voice.

1. Post a comment here telling why you would like to clean up your own messy "living room." Please include your email address so I can contact you if you are the winner.

2. Click on this link at Girlfriend Celebrations to catch their exclusive interview with Lucy Danziger and enter the contest there as well. While you're there check out their great ideas for Girls' Nights In and Girls' Nights Out.

Winners will be selected at random from all entries received by 11:59 PM on Tuesday, March 23, 2010. U.S. shipping addresses only, please. Good luck, girlfriends!

Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend has hit the bookstores before its official pub date.

 

Displayed (See larger image) in the collage are the three winners of the BFF Labor Day Giveaway:

1) Denise Reynolds of Fort Lauderdale, Florida who placed a copy of the book on the non-fiction bestseller shelf at Barnes & Noble on Federal Highway.

2) Fred Osher of Rockville, Maryland who placed the book on the new paperback releases rack at Barnes & Noble on Rockville Pike.

3) Mickey Goodman of Marietta, Georgia who placed the book on display with its cover faced forward at the Barnes & Noble on Cobb Parkway in Atlanta.

It's great to have friends and fans across the country. I'd love to be able to post more pictures of BFF, the book, in prominent places!

 

Win a free copy of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend.

The Rules:

• Go to your favorite bookstore; ask for a copy of the book.
• When you locate it, pick it up and display it prominently on a shelf or table.
• Take a picture of the book (prominently displayed) with your cell phone.
• Leave the book on display (more prominently displayed) than you found it.
• Email your picture to Irene@IreneLevine.com/

First 3 entries received this weekend will receive a free book! Winners and their pictures posted here.

Please include the location of the store where the picture was taken in your email.

Feel free to share this with all of your best friends!