Slowly being excluded from an adult clique: What could have happened?
When something doesn’t make obvious sense, you may have to dig deeper to find out what’s happened.
QUESTION
Hello,
I am looking for some advice on adult female friendship cliques. I have mixed with a group of 7 or 8 women in my hometown since my oldest child was at kindergarten and she is now nine. I have been closer to some more than others and fluctuations in the intimacy of these friendships have occurred, which is probably normal.
Recently, however, I have felt excluded by multiple members of the group. For example, this is what’s happened:
- Having to have own room on recent girls weekend; everyone else was paired up
- Conversations going on around me based on previous chats that I’m not aware of (with no attempt by others to involve me in the discussion)
- Ignoring me when I try to initiate discussions
- Waking up on a girls’ weekend to a friend knocking on my door telling me the others were all were ready to go for walk (while only inviting me at the last minute.) The other six women were all outside waiting.
- Sitting at dinner feeling distanced by people’s body language and verbal communication. For 45 minutes, I watched the clock as conversation flowed around me without anyone asking me a question.
- Awkward seating arrangement when we’re out together. I sit down first and the other six arrange themselves to my left so no one sits directly opposite me.
I could go on. As a result I have been incredibly quiet which has then attracted mild interest about what’s wrong but with little follow up. The closest friend has even sent regular texts, one stating she wanted to talk because she was concerned about what was going on with me. One week later there were invitations to group activities but no 1:1. Since I told her I felt excluded and on the fringe, she has acted as if I haven’t said that and keeps saying she doesn’t want to converse through text. But she hasn’t suggested a time to chat (she was the initiator about needing to talk)—which I find odd.
I’m not sure whether to distance myself or confront. Other friends have been cold since the weekend away. I feel strong alliances and cliques have developed and I don’t have a position anymore. In fact I feel I am at the bottom of the hierarchy.
Any advice? I’m 38.
Signed,
Sharon
ANSWER
Hi Sharon,
It’s hard to know what’s going on. It could be that your group of friends is less welcoming and pulling away from you (although the reasons why aren’t obvious); it could also be that you are pulling away from the group (because you feel rejected); or it could be some combination of the two—which is probably the most likely scenario.
When a group of women have been friends for four or five years, it’s natural that the relationships between individuals and among the group would change over time. But like you, I’m not sure why they would suddenly cast one person in the role of an outsider unless something happened of which you are unaware.
Since your value these relationships and your participation in the group, I think you want to get a better notion of what has happened. Distancing yourself would only exacerbate the problem; confronting the group might give the impression that you feel wronged and put them on the defensive.
Your initial impulse to speak to one person was correct but don’t let the situation drag on any longer. Follow up with your closest friend. Invite her to join you for coffee or tea and tell her how awkward and uncomfortable you have been feeling with the group. Maybe there is something she wants to communicate that she hasn’t felt comfortable putting in writing. A text message might be misunderstood or forwarded to other people.
If this friend isn’t willing to meet, try to see if there is another person to whom you feel comfortable speaking. Is there any possibility that this schism could have to do with the kids rather than the adults? Understandably, at this point, you seem very hurt, sensitive and hypervigilant to slights, so try to give your friends the benefit of the doubt that this can be worked out.
Stay in touch and let us know what transpires.
Best, Irene
I know I am late to post, but I am so glad I found this page today! I can also relate and it is very therapeutic for me to read these similar stories. I am having a tough time dealing with rejection from a group of girls who all stopped taking to me, a group I considered lifelong friends. The hardest part was that one of them completely told me off and belittled me for every flaw I have, even though herself and the other girls have these flaws in common with me. Then all of them completely cut me off. For a long time I felt as if I was grieving a death and this was weird to me until I realized that grieving was a natural response, because this truly was a loss in my life. All of this conspired about 7 months ago and I slowly feel myself getting better. It hurts so bad when a person or people that you care(d) stop caring about you. I attribute their coldness to the fact that I was going through a really rough time personally and they could only handle “sunshine and rainbows”. Unfortunately people do change and misunderstandings arise. Anyway, thanks for sharing your stories. Thought I would add one for others who this could help.
Thanks for adding your story, BethieMom. I’m sure it will be reassuring to others who are going through something similar.
Warm regards, Irene
This is depressing to read, in a way – because it seems like we don’t outgrow these behaviors. It is also comforting, in a way, to not be the only one in this situation. Like the person above me, I am hoping for a catharsis.
Our neighborhood is very small-town-like. We have lived here for 8 years, and have been pretty close to one family (spent holidays together, vacations, etc) – but the woman in this family seems to shift her friendship ties periodically. She has a circle of close women friends, of whom I have consistently been one. I have outlived many of the previous shifts, but am feeling that my time has come. I have always been a little on the fringe, which I have attributed to being the only one in our group (even with the shifts) who works outside the home (and so I don’t have as much time to hang out). She has said that this was a problem before. But I always respond to plans, and try to come whenever I can, even if it is just for a while. I take my own turns to host events, too. The current circle seems to have a couple of members who are intentionally not including me. (We have nearly weekly happy hours on Fridays, and I know of several I have not been invited to -usually it is the same hosts who somehow neglect to include me). They have no problem attending when I host! I know that one of them is two-faced, and think that she has been stabbing me in the back (for what, I am not sure, but it doesn’t matter).
And – children do play a role. Many of this group has daughters of a similar age range and are all very tight. I also have a daughter in this age range. But my daughter is very introverted and one of the other daughters has been downright mean to her – so she avoids this group (we work on other friendships outside the group). THe two-faced one has expressed how happy she is with the girl’s group being just the way it is – (in front of two other women besides myself who have similarly aged daughters). I keep hoping that the main friend will tire of two-face and move on from her(this has been her pattern in the past), but I am getting tired of being left out and feel like this painful pattern is not worth it. I appreciated Jen’s comments above about recognizing that maybe this is a sign that it is time to move on and focus on other things – or other friendships. It isn’t fun anymore. I realize that I am also prone to being super-sensitive, and know that this is contributing, but am just feeling over the whole thing.
I hope that each of you finds comfort in someone or something else that is important to you. I hope you each appreciates your own value and doesn’t allow other’s childish behaviors to bring you down. Best wishes– Jen A
I am late in the conversation. I think talking about it is a good solution instead of making assumptions and letting doubt burn the friendship. However, both party must have an open heart to face the issue. I know someone who is double-faced, a very close friend, but that double face is not only reserved for strangers. In the events that something similar happens, regardless of who is being excluded, she will pretend that everything is right and will not sincerely discuss the issue. You can’t fake things with fakes like that.
Thank god for this site! I can hardly take the rejection any more. Im alone all the time . Im a stay at home mom and my husband works afternoon shift. Im never invited anywhere. I have health problems and unable work so i have no chance of making friends. My “friends ” either ditch me or don’t invite me at all. Ive had to remove myself from fb because i would cry every time a frind would post about an activity!
Hey Val, I know exactly what you are going through. I am from NYC and currently live in Cheyenne Wyoming. I have a son with Autism and I am divorced. I have noticed that people here are very cliquish and catty, women here are not opened to new friendships and the friendships here are based primarily on HS ties and not much else. In NYC we leave that all behind at graduation and we move on in our lives. I have best friends that I have been close to for over 35 years. I am 48 now, these friends also live in other places and have faced the same thing. I thought I left that kind of nonsense in HS but it seems to get worse the older we get. I am not the type of person who cares about what others think of me. I walk to the beat of my own drum and I think that for people who are insecure that might be intimidating. I am not the girl who needs to have a group of catty wannabees to feel good about myself, those people are insecure and need acceptance.
I totally understand what you are saying Val. I’m beside myself with rejection! Have strugged with it all my life. In the last year, discovered the root cause…my mother is mentally ill with narcissistic personality disorder. I have been sick with ME/CFS for fourteen years, but have had it in a kind of ‘remission’ the past 6 years, before entering a horrible relapse end of 2011. Horrific stress set it off. My marriage hit a crisis (we almost didnt make it through), then my sister who has always been so close, decided to stop speaking to me and side with my npd mother after mother lied and manipulated (my punishment for setting boundaries and trying to break free of her). My best friend of 9 years also decided we needed ‘space’ and we called our friendship quits (it had been toxic many years). I have slways supported and advised my sister, but she hasn’t spoken to me for 18 months. marriage slowly improving, but I’m so burnt from all the rejection, I wonder who will be next to say they want to cut me off?! Also, another long-term friend said she couldn’t support me as she had issues of her own to deal with. I have a 7 year old daughter at school, and I can’t work due to my health. I go to a church where I have been stuggling to fit into a wonderful group of women, but it’s so hard! They’ve known eachother much longer, and I always feel like I’m on the outer. Often, I isolate myself and hide away, it feels safer…but is depressing. I like going to my daughter’s school as no one really knows the trauma I have been in the past 2 years and I can have fun, superficial conversations…however…these are never satisfying friendships. Feeling so burnt…I’m almost 39.
… My story sounds almost the same as yours. My sister & mother have been so mean, (always toxic also) that I finaly walked away 7 yrs. ago from emotional, spiritual, & intellectual abuse. Doubtful I will ever get over with, if anyone excludes me, I go nuts, but only within myself.
Wow…I wish we could all be friends with each other…:) we probably wouldn’t take each other for granted…
It is very sad and also a relief to know this happens to others…but what to do?
It can be a very lonely road…even more so when the men get along great with each other…!!! Why can’t we be more like them in their behaviors??
I can say that when this has happened to me…I step back and ask myself: 1. Am I being oversensitive? (I know I can be…just saying…)
2. Am I creating this situation (usually without realizing it?)
3. I step back and really look at the kinds of things these women say and do…do I really want to be around that? Is it uplifting or toxic?
4. I wonder if this is one of life’s ways of saying…there are other things that need your focus right now (be it my kids, marriage, career, etc…) and I put my energy into that
5. I realize that all things in life have a balance and that there are highs and lows and they change…is this just a low that will work itself out?
In essence, I try to step back, try (really this is hard) to not take it personally because, like all of you, it can be easy to beat ourselves up, to question what we did wrong, to analyze all of the imperfections of ourselves to the point of feeling worthless…DON”T DO IT!!! I have read all of the comments, you are all sensitive to something you might have done..that is called consideration!!! But remember…the other women need to have that quality too or really…are they worth being friends with?
Big hugs to you all!!
Great perpective Jen!…I try to do the same, I am being over-senstive??..or making assumptions??..then I try my very best not to ruminate over friendships or the feeling of being an outsider. I am a popular person in my lil’town but not really part of a group, but there is a group of moms,that just seem so perfect..always doing something fun and expensive..that they photo document all over Facebook..
Recently these ladies invited me to a get together, it was eye-opening. They are so competetive with each other, about what they have or trips or kids accomplishments, theri weight, ect.. After that nite I realized these ladies are out of league! I beat myself up enough about things, I don’t need friends who have to one-up each other.
I lived in USA for 12 years, and I encountered many situations like the ones you refer to in which I was bullied and socially excluded. My husband worked in a small town and we were “forced” to socialize with all his coworkers and wives. It was like dealing with sharks…if they smelled blood, they would eat you alive. The problem is that American culture promotes bulling or at least it doesn’t condemn it. The minute that you don’t follow the group norms or show some kind of weakness (such us being an introvert,) you become a looser and the group has the right to punish you by ostracizing and trashing you. The problem is that many people follow the bully because they are too afraid to end like you.
The biggest problem is that you start thinking that there is something wrong with you.
Please ladies, you all sound like fantastic people. Don’t let these frenemies ruin your self esteem. Be strong. You deserve to have good friends who support you. The reason why they treat you like this is because you allow it to happen.
Update. Thanks for the posts. I take on board that I have been distancing in order to protect myself and I have made this known to the friend who has enquired after me. In setting up a time to meet it was cancelled (she had a good reason for this) but then rang a few days later saying she could not set aside anytime in the next few wks to meet but suggested we speak on the phone. I was put on the spot and with a need to talk I reluctantly said ok to this. Though for me saying she had no time to meet didnt match my view if how i would orioritise someone i had kept conveying concern for. Anyway, It wasn’t a good idea. She was scathing in her assessment of my behavior at weekend away and was unable to hear my hurt and sadness about changes in our friendship and within the bigger group. I felt misunderstood completely. When I said my focus was on friendships with people not a group she became very angry and said she didn’t have time for individual friendships. I felt my way of engaging was being judged and I was being punished to a degree by not going along with group norms. When I tried to reflect back what she was saying about seeing ea other individually and not in group she would get furious with me. I was just reflecting back what she was saying so I could be clear then make my own decisions as a result – but she thought I was trying to put pressure on her. I felt I was being chastised for asking to spend time with people other than within the larger group. Why do you have to see people individually she asked? I think although I have probably been sending vibe of powerlessness, and awkwardness which has changed some of the dynamic, I do feel that who I am and how I think is not fitting in with the clique agenda of the dominant group. Groupthink in action. Her rage at me was about upsetting the apple cart for her – one who had arisen in power within the group over the past 18months. Kids are irrelevant – many of our children are not close – this isn’t an issue at all.
So the call had to end. I felt I talked calmly and tried to reflect what I heard. I owned my quiet behavior of late contributed to confusion. She didn’t want to own any behavior in relation to exclusiveness. We agreed to disagree and our friendship continues whilst we work through the post conflict awkwardness. Privately I’ve decided to pursue the friendships individually and steer away from larger group gatherings – and accept that the level iof emotional intelligence within the group is varying and that many if my passions are not reciprocated in the group so I am not one of the sheep. I think there is a group view that this difference is not accepted although I’m not sure people consciously see the subtle ways this belief is expressed.
Thanks all – like to hear further feedback. Pls do not post anything to Facebook at all – the letter is quite revealing.
Shaz
Dear Sharon,
I wish I had seen your original post back in Nov ’12. I’m sorry you are goin through this. It’s clear in reading between your two posts that you have done much soul searching and reflection on your own values and what a friendship means to you and what you need, not what the group needs. It is very difficult to recreate yourself and move forward, but you can and will and you’ll be wiser for it.
In my situation, my group friends looked the other way when the dysfunction erupted (queen bee administered silent treatment and exclusion to me on a group family vacation). It was sneaky as she acted normal amongst husbands, and silent and exclusionary to me in women only situations. This behavior would switch back and forth. My behavior over the vacation looked strange to many, I appeared bewildered, confused, quiet and isolated. I approached her and asked her if we could resolve whatever problem there was. She “didn’t know what I was talking about”. The vacation personally was a disaster for me, I sat in my room isolated by the queen bees and wanna bees (not invited on runs, lunch, etc). 2 weeks later, she reached out back to normal ready to resume our old friendship with no explanation. I asked if we could chat about the situation…she felt “sorry that I felt that way”. I’m not crazy, I know when people are not treating me the way I want to be treated. It was clear her followers didn’t want to get kicked out either. 10 years of friendship down the drain. I tried to rescitate it, but there is no trust….no trust no friendship.
I realized my punishment was administered because I decided to be independent and seek out other friendships, it was met with scorn, silence, exclusion, and subtle examples of punishment for the others if they fled. I live in a small town, have children the same age, so my family has been largely excluded from social gatherings. We had some great times together as ladies, families, and couples and now it is few and far between and when a social event does get put together, I mentally have to prepare myself in order to protect myself.
This situation set me free of alot of things that were keeping me down. It forced me to work on myself rather than working for the group. I began working part time and love it. I also reached out to an aquaintance I had met years earlier in my town. An intravert who appreciates personal friendships and steers clear of cliques. It’s not as fun and exciting but it feels true and I walk away feeling good about myself. When I am in the company of this clique the dysfunction is so crystal clear with my new outside persepctive and new life. I feel fortunate to have been freed. Albeit a little meloncoly of the good old days, but realized I had been so naive.
I hope you are doing well Sharon, you sound like a wonderful friend that has great insight into other peoples feelings as well as your own. It’s a valuable quality that many don’t possess. Take care
This is a great forum. I too feel this pain. I have learned over the years that I must be doing something to facilitate this exclusion. I’m not saying I or anyone deserves to be bullied but what I’m saying is when you see the situation repeating itself from grade school to high school to adulthood then you need to look within yourself a bit. This is what I believe to fuel this fire. 1. I’m drawn to exciting people. 2. I’m insecure 3. My feelings are easily hurt when it comes to certain situations i.e.. anything that validates me as being much liked as others. A situation that comes to mind is that in my circle of friends there are birthday celebrations at a restaurant for many of them but never for me. Some bday party ideas for others start up right around my bday time and mine is never mentioned. 4. I am quick to jump to self pity (look at #3). 5. This is the worse. I have always “saved” myself by walking away. Excluding myself. Creating a distance in order to save my feelings. This will result in losing friends. So here’s what I “try” to do to address it (a work in progress). 1. Being drawn to exciting people can mean being drawn to self centred people with their interest as a priority. These people can also be loving, caring, generous but the bottom line is they are NOT boring therefore all like minded people are drawn to them. 2. My insecurity is at bay when I’m in the “circle” but any hint of not being included I will look way to deep into what is going on and internalize it as being bigger then it is. I can clearly see that others are not included in everything and if I took their more laid back approach and not try look deeper into the root of the problem I an enjoy the friendship as it. 3. Ah, the birthday party problem. Wow, I get very depressed about this every year for days at a time. I even planned to be out of country on my 50th as I was so worried about how I would handle the rejection. With a great deal of my friends turning 50 in advance of mine I was so worried all their over the top celebrations would valid my lack of worth when my bday came and went. Going away with my husband on a fabulous holiday was a great idea however I cried for months in advance of my bday and months after when it seemed to me that my friends didn’t care much. # 3, is a hard one for me to fix as you can see I again have jump to #4 self pity. Okay, number five. This is what I’m not going to do this time. I am not going to exile myself because of 1, 2, 3 and 4. There is one gal in our group that is the queen bee and if you get on her wrong side she will take you down and the rest will either 1. think she’s right because after all she is the queen bee or 2. they will jump on her band wagon be cause they are naive or 3. eat or be eaten, survival mood. Either agree with queen bee or your number will come up next time. Please keep in mind that queen bee is not a bad person however there are a few in the group that aren’t so kind and will take queen bee’s lead and run with it. Everyone else are pretty good people and I want to keep many in my life. This is what I have to do. 1. I have to stop running the craziness through my head. Just let gueen bee be qeen bee, let the mean soldiers do their thing, don’t jump on any mean band wagons, cultivate healthy friendships, be kind to everyone, don’t have knee jerk reactions, don’t be victimized…………..seriously, we have control of all these situations. If you still want to be in the group, put your best food forward, be someone people want to be around. And for Christ sake if your bday is so bloody important throw your own party. haha, I’m not that cured yet but I’m working on it. In fact, I came home tonight crying because queen bee set up one of her mean soldiers to take a jab at me. All because I didn’t support queen bees verbal attack on someone that was not in the room and a slight aquintance to us all.
Amazing advice, Jen! It is amazing how common this experience is for women of all ages. I guess we have been under some misconception that because we are “adults” that we would outgrow this kind of behavior.
Men have pecking orders they naturally fall into… and I suppose women have their Queen Bees. I guess just having the awareness of it helps a great deal.
Personal responsibility is the greatest thing we can do for ourselves. We all have triggers from our past experiences and upbringing that often colors our present relationships. We see situations through emotional filters… leading to many misperceptions and victimizations. If we give ourselves the moment to recalibrate, often we realize that many of our assumptions are off-base. We also receive behaviors we mirror. We may say that our friends are excluding us; all the while we’re the ones distancing ourselves from our friends. We subconsciously set up tests for our friends to prove their loyalty and affection for us.
Truth of the matter is, we ALL are the STARS OF OUR OWN SHOW. Our friends are doing the best they can maneuvering through their own life, insecurities, challenges and so on… as we are in our lives. But through our own eyes we sometimes don’t see the instances where we act in the same way that we are offended by.
This was brought to my attention a few years back when I complained about some of the same behaviors others complained about me. I was glad to have had that brought to my attention because it made more aware of those subtle double standards we live by and unintentionally impose on each other.
We need to learn to take things less personally, make fewer assumptions, accept each other for who we are and learn to let go when needed.
Drama seems to be ingrained in our D.N.A, so all of this requires a moment-to-moment practice to master the discipline (whether that’s possible or not).
But lastly, let’s be kind to ourselves and accept our own worth. That will attract the friends that we truly find joy in and will give us the grace to deal with the challenging ones.
Be well Ladies… I have really enjoyed this conversation.
Sometimes it can be hard to have perspective in the moment, but maybe as time goes by it will come. Take care.
I do see this as a combination of any number of factors. it could be one mean girl in the group being the ring leader. It could be the reader reading too much into things. It could be group think.
Reading this makes me feel that we never completely grow up. You think you’re mature and confident — but all of a sudden, it’s like you’re in junior high again. Wasn’t once enough?
This is a painful situation and I can relate. I made a female friend through another friend (who she doesn’t see much anymore) about 5 years ago. She had about 2-3 other female friends that we would occasionally socialize with. My “friend” seemed to like and welcome me in the beginning but through her words and actions over time, made it very clear I would never be welcome into her “inner circle” that consisted of these other women. She seemed threatened by the fact that they might actually like me, which it seemed they did. When we were out together (especially in threes) I could feel her palpable discomfort with the fact that I might be sitting closer to her friend than she was. She told me I could never call “Sheila” (one of these women) because Sheila was not my friend. Yet, she befriended their friends, somehow I was excluded from doing the same. I have never experienced anything like it.
I realized after some time that it was because we were both single and all of the other women were married and it made her feel competitive with me. They all had mortgages and I did not (I rent) and she held this over my head with subtle jabs like I was a loser for not having a monthly payment to the bank and not a landlord. After the last four years of social exclusion, critical comments and judgements from her (things she could never dare to say to these other women that she holds on pedestals) I rarely see any of these people anymore. It was one of the most painful experiences of my adult life as I felt betrayed by this “friend”. I know for a fact that she trashed me to these women and told them things I told her in confidence. Intellectually I know her need to exclude me and put me down with her insidious comments was more about her own insecurity and miserable state of mind (which these friends do know about) but it still hurt deeply and not a day goes by that I don’t deal with feelings of rejection and sadness. Trying every day to let go of this and it is a challenge.
Time to go out and make new friends I suppose.
I think talking openly about what’s going on is the best way to handle this situation. Either with just one person or with all of them.
I think your idea that it might have something to do with the kids is a good one. So sorry this happened to you, Sharon.
I had a similar experience with a bunch of women who were diagnosed the same time as me after about 5 years, but our group wasn’t static. Some people died and some newly diagnosed ones came in. We’d arrange for a social outing several times a year. I noticed people having conversations that I was oblivious to. I had my answer when I was accidentally cc-ed in a group email discussing distancing from me. I emailed back asking the email writer why. She felt awful and said she was uncomfortable because I’m lesbian and apparently sitting next to me at a restaurant was against her religion. I graciously forgave her and guess what, her priest said sitting next to me wasn’t a sin, so she wasn’t endangering her mortality. I was hurt that none of the women stuck up for me and there seemed to be more conversations without me. I was ok with it, because 5 years out, I didn’t have the intense longing to be around other survivors. I also found a gay friendly group of survivors, women who would never stand for me or anyone else being excluded for being gay. They’re the first ones to sign petitions for gay marriage, even though they’re all straight.
I wonder how much of your insecurity in this group you’re inadvertently projecting as aloofness. Sometimes, we close down in order to protect ourselves from being hurt, and that can be seen by others as disinterest.
I have a policy of giving people the benefit of the doubt over my insecurities. I don’t assume I’ve been wronged without proof, since I know I can be super sensitive at times.
As for your friend, she’s right to want a face to face conversation, so much can be misinterpreted over text. I always find that being aware of my part in communication break downs helps when having uncomfortable relationship conversations. You’ve withdraw in what you perceive as rejection and have allowed those thoughts to continue.
If you can’t get your friend to talk to you, go to the next person you feel closest to. You have to be prepared though, that you might get honest answers you’d rather not hear. Asking for feedback and getting angry for the context of that feedback isn’t fair and won’t make the person want to be closer to you.
Maintaining friendships in large groups is tough. Eventually some will get clicky and exclude others. Try focusing on one or two friends and distance yourself from the large group. Seek out others outside this group.
I am interested for follow up with the conversation with your closest friend. I was in a similiar situation, but had a hard time determining is this happening or I ‘feeling’ like it is, so I am looking for it, make sense??…but I regret how I handled it, I just avoided everyone. Now 2 years later, I feel bridges are burned. In small towns, there are not endless social circles of woman any particular age, so not real easy to just make a jump. In your situation mu guts, tells that your friend mentioned ya’ll talking because she knows what is going on and cares about you. BUT someone, husband or another friend told her to stay out of it. Have a talk with her, she will probably be able to shine light on exactly what is going on..So Please keep us posted.
Ugh! Mean girls and cliques! Does it ever end?? I guess this is why I tend to shy away from groups and instead have individual friends. There’s always drama and exclusion…it’s inevitable, I fear.
So sorry to hear this has happened to you. I am in a similar situation losing all friends. I live in a small town and everyone seems to know everything that happens so news travels fast. My husband was treated very poorly by his best friend at a local baseball league ( for kids ). My husband was verbally attacked by a coach and the friend who also happened to be the President of the league chose to allow this to happen and didn’t defend my husband at all. As a result my husband was hurt and the relationship between our families was very strained. ( I was good friends with his wife and their son was very good friends with our son ). Add to this that their son was bullying my son a few months ago. We tried to talk to them about it and were told ” my son would never do this.” My son came home from school crying about the bullying so I know that he didn’t imagine it. This couple has a great deal of influence in the baseball league( all of our friends were involved in the league) so as a result were were basically chastised by everyone. So here I sit with absolutely no friends. I am a stay at home mom and care for my elderly mother so I don’t get out much. This rejection has depressed me and I can’t take another rejection like this from so many people. I can see us selling our house when my son is out of High School and moving to another town. He is only in 8th grade so it will be awhile . I am so glad that I found this site. I have no one to talk to about this. Just writing here is cathartic.