When it comes to friendships, it’s not how long or how close
or how good. Instead, the latest craze seems to be how many. No one is quite
sure how many friends you need or how many you can have. Given the number
vacuum, some members of social networking sites like Facebook, My Space, or
LinkedIn are accreting new friends like young boys collects baseball cards---acquiring
impressive numbers of online “friends” that approach the hundreds and thousands.
Such excess raises the question---How many friendships,
real, virtual or a combination of the two---can any one person reasonably handle?
It depends on who you are and what it means for you to befriend someone. Are your
friendships casual or close? Are they intense or intermittent? Are they brief
or long-standing?
Every woman I know has a finite amount of time for
friendship (which varies based on how she chooses to balance her social needs with
the rest of her life). Additionally, some women are naturally more adept than
others in both making friends and keeping them.
British anthropologist Professor Robin Dunbar has conducted
research that concludes that humans are functionally hard-wired to handle a maximum
of 150 friends at a time. That number, 150, has been dubbed Dunbar’s
Number. The term was popularized by Malcolm Gladwell in his book, The Tipping
Point and has been cited recently in a spate of news articles.
In a recent Wall Street Journal article, Carl Bialik (AKA
the Numbers Guy) suggests that technology may actually enable us to expand the
number of friends we can juggle simultaneously. He points out that social
networking sites can help us maintain contact with people who are at the outer
fringes of our circle of friends. Cell phones, emails, and IMs have similarly
expanded our capability to reach out and touch someone.
“Prof. Dunbar isn't sold on the idea that social networks
make his number outdated,” writes Bialik. “The research, he says, ‘made us
realize people don't know what these wretched things called relationships are
-- and that helps explain why we're so bad at them.’”