When friends are always busy and never initiate contact,
they may be trying to step back from the friendship~
For the last couple of years my friend has been slowly but
surely phasing me out of her life. I’m no longer invited to events and she’s
usually busy when I suggest we get together. She had been emailing jokes to me
a few times a week but now even that has stopped.
The problem is that our daughters are both in their early
teens and now my daughter is being phased out, too –not invited to her friend’s
birthday party next week; her daughter was busy and not able to come to our
house; and so on. I’m hurt. I’m mad. But I want this to be done and over. How
do I get over this? What do I say to my daughter? For my girl’s sake, I don’t
want to burn any bridges.
All the signs are there that this is a
definite "phase out." It sounds like
your friend is backing off from the friendship without directly telling you. If
this friendship is important to you, ask your friend if you did
something to upset or anger her. If not, you may just need to accept that the
friendship has run its course.
This situation is complicated because of your
daughter: It may be that she is being phased out because of you, or it could be
that you are being phased out because of her. It’s possible that your friend’s daughter
is no longer interested in being friends with your daughter, and her mother
doesn’t quite know how to handle it.
Irrespective of what came first, you need to
encourage your daughter to seek out new friends and remind her that friendships
and allegiances change all the time, especially during the teen years. At some
later point, she and the other girl may become friends again.
Since you all run in the same social circles, it’s wise for
neither you or your daughter to express anger or burn bridges unnecessarily. Just move on.
Hope this helps,
My best, Irene
Other posts on The Friendship Blog about being phased out: