• Keeping Friends

Not fitting in in high school

May 8, 2017 | By | Reply Continue Reading
A teen feels like she isn’t fitting in with her friends.

QUESTION

Hi,

I am currently a freshman in high school. I used to have super close friends but now I feel like I have absolutely no friends. I walk around behind a group but I’m never really included.

It’s extremely difficult to make friends at my school because it’s insanely small. You either have friends or you don’t. And those who I’ve tried to talk to don’t have any interest in becoming friends.

I’m very girly and like the people who I follow behind, but I don’t want to continue to feel left out of everything. I need some advice on what to do.

Signed, Paige

ANSWER

Hi Paige,

Feeling left out is hard, especially at a small school where your options for making friends come from a small pool of students. Being on the fringes of a group can seem like a looking through the windows of a store, wishing you could have the merchandise.

Part of developing good friendships is finding “your people.” the ones with whom you naturally fit. Your people may not always be the ones you think you should befriend, the ones who on the surface seem like your type. You will know your people when you find them, because you won’t have to try so hard to be part of the group. Whether individual friends or a group, you’ll naturally fit in. Trying to fit with the wrong people will only leave you frustrated.

You are right in sensing that a small school can make it harder to find your tribe but keep being who you are. Your friends don’t need to be girly, sometimes opposites attract. Join clubs, sports and activities that appeal to you so that you’ll meet others who share your interests. Smile and make eye contact. Be friendly to everyone. Get to know yourself better. The more you know yourself, the easier finding friends will be.

Good luck to you.

Best, Amy Feld


*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.

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Category: KEEPING FRIENDS

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