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No friends in high school: What am I doing wrong?

November 10, 2012 | By | 248 Replies Continue Reading
The high school years are often lonely for many young people.

QUESTION

Hi Irene,

I have never written to you, or any other site like this before, so I am very new at this. But I thought I would give it a try, thinking maybe some outside help/views on my situation would give me a new perspective on things.

I am 16 years old. I’m not shy, introverted, or “nerdy” per say, but I am intelligent, not dumb. In fact, I’m quite outgoing, always trying to put myself out there, putting 100 percent into everything I do. I’m silly and fun, very positive and optimistic, individualistic, always being my own person. Just to give you more of a picture, not because I’m self-involved or anything, I’m not “ugly” or anything. (I’m sorry for using that word.)

I’m nice, inclusive, and enthusiastic but I’m facing this problem that is starting to make me feel so depressed: I don’t have any friends. In middle school, I faced the normal crap that evil children everywhere seem to put on others, which is why I was excited to go to a high school where I knew absolutely no one, to start fresh. A very brave move: going from a private school knowing the same 60 people your whole life, to public school with 1300 kids, knowing not one face or name. But I was ready to take that step, in hopes that I would find a group of friends that I would stay close with for a long time.

Grade nine hit and I got involved. I like taking on leadership roles and being a part of something greater than me to be the best person I can be (even though it sounds cheesy) but I think that is how you grow. I auditioned as a dancer (dance is my passion) in the fashion show at my school, and later that year I ran for Junior Vice President of student council, which I won. I thought to myself this is great: People voted for me because they like me. Things will only get better from here.

Grade 10 hit. I was Junior Vice President (JVP), I was a dancer again in the fashion show, and because I was JVP, I organized an entire charity week where we raise $51, 000 dollars for the school. I spoke in front of crowds very often, so public speaking became very easy for me. Unfortunately I got a spine problem and had to quit dance, but I still remained in fashion show. But, nothing happened. Still no friends in school. No connections. Just acquaintances and hellos in the hallways.

Many lonely weekends later, its grade 11. Now I’m in the same position I was in in grade nine. No real friends. And that amazes me. I see people who are new to the school and they make friends and are in a group RIGHT away yet I can’t. After everything. And I just don’t get it. I don’t get why it hasn’t gotten better, and I don’t get why I can’t seem to make friends. I go to school and I have no one to talk to really, no one to eat lunch with, and I feel so alone. But there’s nothing “wrong ” with me and I’m getting just so….sad.

I know this will be just a spot on the big canvas when I’m older, but its so hard not to focus on it right now, because whether I like it or not, this high school crap is pretty prevalent in a teenager’s life. I just want some friends. And I just want to have fun. And I don’t know, what I’m going to do. I need your advice. It’s Saturday night and I’m crying alone in my bed.

Signed, Marcie

ANSWER

Hi Marcie,

Thanks for writing. I can’t even begin to guess why you can’t make friends. I know it can be hard to enter a public school system when people have known each other for years. I know that teens can be mean when someone is different in any way, even if they have exceptional talents.

My first suggestion would be that you speak to a trusting adult closer to home, perhaps a guidance counselor in your school or a teacher whom you respect to ask for a more informed perspective on what could be causing your difficulties.

Also, have you tried reaching out to people one-on-one, perhaps inviting someone to go to a movie with you or to go shopping? Are there groups that you can join either after school or outside of school that might put you in contact with different kids? Do you have the time to pursue a part-time job, perhaps a sales position where other young people would be working with you side by side?

Take things slowly a step at a time. You don’t need a whole group but it would be nice to connect with one friend at a time.

You really have me stumped. I wonder if any other readers, either your age or older have any ideas. Your letter really made me feel for you. You have a wonderful gift for writing and seem to be mature beyond your years. It is great that you recognize that your situation is time-limited and common among teenagers.

My best, Irene

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Category: Teen friendships

Comments (248)

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  1. Ang says:

    I have a very similar situation to you Marcie. I live in Australia and I go to a private Christian school. It’s actually quite simple how our school works:

    Library group- all acquaintances and not very nice
    Basketball group- a lot of couples, they hang out after school which kind of suggests that they are actually friends, they are kind of the step before popular
    Dance group- clicky and bitchy
    Anti-social group- do not like talking to people, a lot of them are negative and some are mean
    “Popular group”- they are really the only group that talks to boys, they seem to be close and are the only group besides the basketball group that hangs out with boys

    Unfortunately this is usually how school works.

    At the moment I am in the “anti-social” group. We are not really friends, more like acquaintances. I get along with almost anyone except for people who never stop complaining. Negativity is something (as a very positive person who always tries to see the bright side) I hate being around, and a lot of them are very negative.

    Some are fairly nice to me, but are not that loyal or fun at all. I feel like they all have the maturity of 11 year olds even though we are in year 9. I feel like if something bad ever happened to me they would not really care either.

    I just really want to make the most of high school. You only live once and I want to live, meet boys, go to concerts, have fun and have real friends. Doesn’t everybody else want this too? This might sound a bit stupid, but why do people have to be so complicated and bitchy? Why can’t we all just be nice to each other?

    I can’t do any of this because my ‘friends’ 1. Don’t want to and 2. Have extremely overprotective, actually nutty parents. Some of their parents are too scared to even drive them over to my house!

    It’s a complicated situation because it’s hard to move into a new group unless you’re new and everyone knows that I’m in the “unpopular” group. My year is quite immature and when I try to talk to new people, they either ignore me or try to get out of the conversation (half of the time they seem nervous). Everybody thinks I’m just a sweet, shy girl but I’m actually extremely extroverted. I’m just in an anti-social group.

    I am, just like Marcie, just interested in a real friendship. I will without hesitation stand up for my friends, I have never been mean to anyone in my entire life, I love to just have fun, I am also quite smart, I’m an individual with strong morals, an animal activist and I am not unattractive either, a lot of people say how pretty I am (sorry, I’m not bragging or anything), but my confidence is being diminished, as some people in my group are kind of bullies and call me ugly sometimes. This is why I don’t want to stay in the group. Some of them are nice to me, but not loyal enough, they won’t stand up for me at all. And boys just treat me like an alien. Whenever I try to talk to them they seem to get nervous or maybe don’t want to ruin their reputation by talking to me? I just don’t know. But they’re nice to all the popular girls, or at least I think they are.

    Even though I feel like nobody is interested in real friendships, I can tell that a lot of people like me are hiding in these groups that they don’t fully fit in with, where they are treated badly, witnessing others being tested badly or just not happy but are too scared to do anything about it.

    I really do feel for you Marcie. Don’t worry, this is such a common thing. People are insecure and jealous. Many people are just like us, but hide it.

    This is also very new to me. What do you think I should do Irene? What do you think about my situation? Sorry about my writing, usually I am a lot more literate, but I’m writing very fast.

    Signed, Ang

  2. Lou98 says:

    Hey,
    I’m French so I apologize for the mistakes. It’s ok if nobody sees this, I just need to write a little about it.
    I’m like you all guys. I’m 17 and it’s my last month in high school (I can’t wait to leave this place) I have one best friend and I spend all my time with her. I have few other friends that I love but that’s all. I have almost no guy friends. When my best friend isn’t here, it’s very difficult for me to be a part of the class. People are nice, but I can’t connect with them. I know I’m different and a little weird -I love animals, I don’t talk much, I like to read and sleep a lot and I am not interested in all the stuffs that others like. I’m shy but once I learn to know someone I become funny and trustable. I dress like everyone else, except that I don’t like make up and all. I’m never invited to parties and I feel sad about it.
    I’m always afraid to bother people so I prefer to stay in the back most of the time.
    But still, what can I do to become a part of a big, real group? I’m lucky to have friends that understand me but next year I don’t know if I will be able to make other friends.

    • Kaylee says:

      It sounds like we are going through the same thing,I am 16 and I go to a very small school. I only have one friend but she is about to move. I have been going to the same school for many years but all the friends I have had got to making bad choices. I feel like no one really likes me because I am quiet and so I stay in the back. Even when I try to go out and talk to people I get spoken over and pushed to the back.My mom started noticing and she suggested that I go and talk to a counselor, maybe you could try it out too? I know other people who go to counselors and they say it helps. If you have found any other things that help could you let me know?

      Thanks

  3. William says:

    I seriously want to get some close friends. Each day is a pain for me because many kids always curse at me behind my back and they say all sorts of horrible things. Whenever I think I made a friend, they always betray me in the end. For example, when we were supposed to chose our own groups for this presentation project, I immediately went to side up with my so-called friends and they denied and rejected me so much that, very embarrassingly for me, I started to cry. The teacher finally had to step in because she felt sorry and I hate that sort of thing! When I was accused for getting in trouble, and it was clear that this boy did it, the people I thought were my friends, started to make up vicious things about me and one boy even started to fake cry in front of the teacher! I ended up getting a detention for 1 hour after school because I was accused of punching a kid who was two times my size (notice: i am small for my age). I end every school day with a plastic smile and my behavior is always gilded. Inside, I am experiencing so much pain and my head hurts from all the stress and anxiety. I sometimes feel like there should be no reason for me to keep living. I also used to get very good grades, but now in 8th grade, these “friend” problems have gotten more severe, and my parents are thoroughly disappointed. “How can you bring home so many Cs?” They asked. “What happened to that straight A report card that you used to have?” And, they can never understand me, I do not think anyone else can. I try to fake being sick and skip class because I feel, “What’s the point?” I am having disturbing thoughts and sometimes even thinking about taking a cyanide pill. Please help me.

    • Irene says:

      HI William,

      You need to speak to a counselor at school as soon as possible to help you figure out how to improve this situation.

      if you feel so despondent that you are thinking about giving up, contact a suicide hotline immediately.

      • A free 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) is available to people in crisis (or their loved ones) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are routed to local crisis centers.

      • In the UK or Ireland, Samaritans offers confidential support at 08457 90 90 90.

      Crisis Text Line is another free, 24/7 emotional support for those in crisis. http://www.crisistextline.org/

      Founded by DoSomething.org, this 24-hour texting hotline provides realtime emotional support for young adults. The program is designed to be a safe outlet for anyone to reach out to when they’re struggling with a mental health issue, whether it’s feeling depressed, bullied or anxious. The service is run by crisis counselors and is completely confidential and free of charge. To reach the helpline, text START to 741741.

      Best, Irene

    • april says:

      It feels like we’re going through the same thing tbh.Like during school I have a choice to eat alone or go sit with this people who just let me sit with them but they’re not even my friends so sometimes I just sit by myself.There is definitely ups and downs I’m in 11th grade right now but 8th grade was the worst I was very very depressed.Got through it been through ups and downs and I have to admit right now it feels awful but just have to remember there is more than school out there and later no one will care if you didn’t have any friends or not cuz you’ll make new ones at work or some other place outside of school.Good luck and remember there’s a future out there just find a hobby you love.

    • Iona says:

      Hi William
      I don’t know if you’ll even get this or if it’ll help, but I want to say something. My name is Iona and I’m in grade 9. First things first teenagers are total idiots. They can be mean and rude and yeah some only pretend to be your friend and stab you in the back. But not everyone’s like that, there are so many people out there that are just like you or can see what an awesome person you are. My trouble with making friends seems like nothing compared to what your going through and I feel guilty even complaining to myself about my problems like not getting in a clique at my new school or worrying about acne and stupid things that in the real world are nothing. If your short or self concours don’t worry about it my brother was really short until about 16 or 17 and now he’s really tall. I could tell you the measurements but if your American it won’t make sense. Anyway try finding people similar to you like if you like reading hang out in the library or join a club that does something you enjoy, and if there really is no one in your school who you would like to be friends with try branching out and join penpalworld, or the real world outside of school and meet people there. School isn’t everything even if it feel like it is, it does for me (only three more years to go). [EMAIL ADDRESS REMOVED BY MODERATOR] By the way I am 15 years old and a girl and I live in South Africa. Also if anyone else just wants someone their own age to talk or is feeling depressed I’ll do my best to help, please don’t feel shy to email me.

  4. John says:

    In year 8 (UK) I went to a new school where a bunch of people from my primary school went but none of my actual friends went so I had to make new friends. I got into a group of guys( about 5 of us) and it was fine for a few months. There were these other guys in my class which seemed to be cocky, annoying, rude douchebags and I decided to stay away from them. My group then proceeded to turn into complete a******s and have been mean to me ever since and I’m stuck in this group. The guys who I assumed were douchebags turned out to be nice, great, fun people and I’ve been trying to approach them for like a year now but I can’t seem to get into their group. I don’t know what to do and the last 2 years of life have been hell for me. How can I get into a good group of friends?

  5. Lauren says:

    I used to have a huge group of friends, but about 6 months ago in the beginning of this school year they all started changing and becoming very negative and rude for no reason. They treated me very badly and eventually in October a ton of drama went down and they ended up hating me over a huge misunderstanding. The girl that always starts the drama posted a bunch of mean things about me online and I stopped talking to both of them. Then, last month in January we made up and started hanging out at lunch and all that again, but then MORE happened. The one girl that always starts the drama decided to go post something mean about me online, but when I tried to explain that none of what she thought I had done wrong was true she wouldn’t say a thing. Basically my ex best friends changed a lot from what the used to be, got really rude, and started drama because they have some sort of love for it. I have no friends anymore.

  6. Unknown says:

    It’s always a great feeling getting something off one’s chest. I don’t even know if anyone will read this but I just want to write about it anyway. I’m from England and go to one of the cleverest ‘high school’ s (all boys) in the country. I’m in year 11 (aged 16) and about to do my GCSEs, the most important exams in our school career and am on track (hopefully) to do well. I’m captain of my school year’s ‘soccer’ team and also captain of my local team. I play electronic guitar and have played at 2 concerts before (only small ones!) and also recently conquered my fear of heights which I am extremally proud of. I also enjoy cooking and running, especially 100m. And yet despite all this I feel empty, with no confidence and belief in myself and in my view this is just weird (and depressing). I have a lot of friends too; me and 2 other boys are absolute best friends and I have a number of other good friends and so compared to all the above comments (hang in there by the way! (: ) I am lucky. But I still feel incredibly low self esteem because of the fact that I constantly wonder of what people think about me and also the fact that I feel as though I am a complete nobody other. Probably about half the people in my year go to parties and none of my friends do; they never worry about this but I feel as though I’m nothing because I’m not part of these parties. I do have one good friend who I’ve known for years who does go to a few and has invited me but I always make up excuses because other then him I wouldn’t really ‘know’ anyone from my year. I’ve struggled with being shy and I confident in the past and I’ve come a long way since then but there’s just a part of me that completely wells up when I am with these ‘cool’ party goers. And yet one on one with them I’m completely myself and they like me! For example; in morning registration we are organised into groups of about 20 people and register and chat with a teacher on duty etc. and almost all the people there I’m friends with and have spoken too and have laughed with and made them laugh bla bla bla but in the registration period I well up. I sit on my own trying to look cool and not bothered when everyone talks because being part of a group just shuts me up. And I don’t know why!!!! There are some people who I just don’t dare to talk too despite all my good points and their bad points. I just see people having fun and it makes me so depressed- when I am with my friends and I see other people walking over I pretend to not be with them- it’s INSTINCTIVE and I don’t know why!! I must be messed up in the head. I’m popular, good at many things, very funny (apparently), I’ve had 3 girlfriends for crying out loud (even though I go to an all boys school)!! But even though all the cool people like me I just don’t have enough self belief that I am ‘worthy’ of them. I know it sounds stupid because it is, but I’m glad I’ve got it off my chest. Another example of this occurred only this morning- 2 friends of mine (not good friends but friends none the less) were sitting opposite me (I talk with them fine on their own but because they were taking with each other again I welled up). One of them was a bit of a party goer and and was describing a crap one- the other guy is not a party goer at all but still asked questions and made the other guy describe it and they laughed together (they’re best friends) bla bla whilst I was saying nothing and listening and feeling depressed because I wasn’t invited, even though it sounded shit and was run by some weird guy who dresses up like Hitler. No one else gave a damn about their conversation but it made me so depressed and I DONT KNOW WHY! Even with my 2 best friends sitting with me too I didn’t say anything to them for the whole lesson because I felt like a nobody. This has happened too much and I am determined to put a stop to it because I know if I’m a confident version of myself I can triumph- I have the potential for loads of friends but I gotta start not letting it consume me.

    • Amy F says:

      Some people prefer to socialize in groups, other people one on one. It’s hard to have perspective when you’re a teenager and everyone seems more comfortable or at ease that you, but as an adult I can tell you, everybody is insecure in some ways, they’re just like you, hiding it. I’ve talked to so many teens and former teens who feel like they’re frauds and everyone else fits in. Most people I socialize with either tolerate or hate parties.
      If you want to be invited, next time people are talking say, “sounds like fun, I’d love to be included next time.”
      People aren’t mind readers, they don’t know what you want, how you feel or what you’re thinking unless you tell them.

    • Iona says:

      Hmm,you seem rather quiet popular and like an interesting person. but non the less I understand how you feel I suck in groups. One on one if I decide to talk to someone and get to know them I can become friends with just about anyone, it’s happened before one of my best friend is and half American Russian who has dreadful taste in music and who’s father thinks he is the messiah, and yet it works. But sadly as soon as I sit in amount sit in a group I find myself going dead silent, not awkward or shy, unless someone asks me a direct question I find myself staring at a particularly interesting seagull or pondering of quotes of an interesting nature. It doesn’t help that I have two different personalities, one extroverted and outgoing and on introverted and wanting everyone one to bugger off and let me read, listen to music, sleep or daydream. I can simpathise with you about the all boys school since I grew up with three older brothers, different I suppose since I’m a girl but still…. I’m afraid the only advise I can give you is to appreciate your friends and go to the parties and talk to people as though you’ve known them all your life and are completely comfortable around them . Or you can be a duck they don’t seem to have any problems fitting in.

    • Jess says:

      I just wanted to say that I know what you are going through and there is nothing wrong with you. I’m from Australia and go to a all girls school. I am in year 11 and sixteen years old. To tell you the truth, you and I are in the same situation in two sides of the world. I won’t say that I am extremely popular but I have a lot of friends. I used to swim for my school team and represent Australia in international surfing competitions (sounds cliched for an Australian right?) A year ago, I thought life could not be better. I was friends with the most popular girls in school, doing extremely well in school and sports and for me life could not get better. However this year things changed. I felt empty and worthless. I did not have a desire to go to school and I felt like an outsider anoung the same people that I grew up with. I don’t know you or anyone would be reading this, but I wanted to say that things get better. I know that it sounds so cliched and I hate myself for saying that but it’s true. When things started to go downhill in my life I blames myself. You know what? Everyone feels like that. I won’t pretend to understand what you are going through but we seem to be in the same boat so I thought my story could help you or anyone for that matter. Your high school does not define you. Period. If you are not enjoying the company of your friends… Then go out and make some new. Meet like minded people and things will automatically change for you. You change and so do your friends. You are not the same person when you made friends with your existing friends so there is no point holding on to them. I am not saying cut them off but find some new people that you like. Everyone goes through this phase when they question themselves. So don’t worry. Try to be comfortable in your own skin. Let me tell you this, high school doesn’t matter. Yeah sure it matters in some aspects but most of the thing and experiences I have gained are from outside school. This is your world now but urgent be forever. It’s less than 2 years anyway. Out of high school it’s a while whole different world… A real world. Things that only seem to matter now won’t mean a thing to you. Superficial things like popularity are just that. Your high school career won’t be dependent on popularity. Believe me I wan in the same place you were just a few short months back. It will change for you too and when the right answer comes to you, this all will look so so trivial in retrospect. Anyone feel free to talk to me. I’m here for you even though I don’t know you. I think that’s worth something?

  7. Dg says:

    I don’t know if this helps……but I remember in high school feeling the same way. Groups of friends invariably getting together on the weekends, where I only heard about this but was never emotionally connected to them enough for them to invite me. It happened all around, between my church friends and school friends. I would say hello to many and maybe eat lunch w them from time to time as well, but that was the depth of relationship. If it wasn’t for my 1 girlfriend that would be my staple of infrequent projects and sleepovers, I would’ve felt a deeper pain. So maybe having that 1 friend to literally set up ur own activities and things would change the course of things? Nowadays, I reconnected w many of those from the past, and tho still superficial it’s nice to re engage on my own terms again.

  8. Ellen says:

    I can’t believe there are so many other people facing this situation too, I honestly thought I was the only one. I’m 16, and am really struggling with school. I’m friendly, outgoing and kind, yet I literally have no friends. Yes, I get hellos in the hallways, but no actual friends. I sit with a group of girls at lunch( I go to all girls school.. not fun) who are nice but never include me. I honestly don’t know what to do. I would love to have a few friends to talk to, or do something at the weekend. Everyone seems to be having a blast, and it makes me feel horrible.. Any advice?

    • Dallas says:

      The same thing is happening to me. I don’t know what to do. 🙁

      • Evie says:

        This is my exact problem. I sit with some girls at lunch and I like them and all but I just feel like I need a special friend that is always there for me and can help me if I need it. I feel like no one shares the same likes and interests as I do. I like rock music, drawing, Disney and books. I also love doing school work. No one I know is like that therefore it is very hard for me to find the right friend. 🙁

  9. Caleb says:

    I’m having the same problem in school also. I used to be friends with all the cool kids in school, I was invited to many things and they would talk to me all the time. One day, everything just stopped. They started to call me desperate for friends and they stopped including me in projects, stopped inviting me to go out. They even created a chatroom behind my back to say bad things about me. Whats worse is, that when I finally make a new friend, that group of cool kids would go up to my new friend and influence him not to talk to me, and force him to join the ‘cool kids club’. In short, they’re just trying to make my life miserable by taking every new friend I make away from me. There are also those people who don’t talk in class, and yet they get put in the ‘cool kids club’. I seriously have no idea how I even offended them in the first place. I’ll never know. I’ll just be the lonely guy in class with no one to talk to…

  10. Christina says:

    The first time i came to my school i was accepted into everyone’s group and they let me join in on everything. Then they started leaving me out. I tried extremely hard to join a girl group but they just treated me the same as they would “just a girl” I’m always the first one to start a conversation and barely anyone talks to me. I’ve always been nice to people and i think that makes me an easy target. When i was paired up with “my friend” for an english assignment another girl, (who was in the same group as her) said to her “OMG, ARE YOU OK?” “DO YOU WANT ME INSTEAD??!” I was super hurt by this and after coming home i then realised those girls had a private account on instagram and because they are like one of the two groups there are here. I just feel really hurt now because she said that and i was sitting next to the girl she said that to. I’m not diseased, i’m not a strange eccentric person. I like to draw, play music, act and sing (even though i cant sing lol) Now what do i do?? do i just sit and wait around for natural friendships? I really thought this year was going to be different for me.

  11. Recreating.Smiles says:

    It is really nice reading all these stories, so glad I found this website when I typed up “How to make new friends in the middle of the school year?” I moved to US about 3 years ago and I attended an awesome middle school.I made tons of friends, had something to do over the weekends, and was involved in about everything. Before 9th grade started, my parents decided to move to place with a really good high school. One of my close friends also moved to that school with me. We were really hoping to have the same classes or at least lunch together, but we didn’t. I thought this was a good opportunity to meet new people and make new friends because I am optimistic, kind, and confident. I met a really nice group of people at first. I had lots of fun for a couple of days, but eventually I just felt really left out and ended up ditching them. I joined another group where I knew only a couple of people, but a girl in that group was passively rude to me and I also ended up ditching them. Today, I do have a group, but sometimes it is just uncomfortable to sit with them because they sometimes talk about things I really do not want to get involved in. I also tried too hard to introduce myself corruptly and embarrassed myself when I was trying to make friends with people sitting next to me in class. Most days, I just feel depressed. My close friend who came to this school, understood this and she introduced me to her friends. We all hung out once, and it was awesome :)But, I didn’t have any classes or lunch with those awesome people either.I only have acquaintances and I say hi to people, but I don’t have anyone close who I see regularly.I also joined 4 clubs, but still… I do have hope I will recreate smiles in the future. We are amazing and if people don’t want to be friends with us, they are just missing the beauty of unique shining sparkles. I really hope all of us will find a good group and will be involved 🙂 Smile on and Shine on 🙂

  12. Bobby says:

    Well pretty much year 9 is when high school starts here and i moved from year 8 intermediate which was public to another public school but this one was a out of zone school atleast 25-30kms away and i knew noone there, the first week there some blonde white boy accused me of cheating when i caught him cheating in a test, but he was a local who knew a few people and told everyone that i was a cheater so everyone hated me and didnt want to be my friend. I was good at all sports and proved myself during school sports competitions but still noone liked me and i was bullied for a whole year.

    Year 10 was the same everyone hated me, until 1 guy who was pretty popular stood up for me and became my friend half way through the year, I was happy because he introduced me to popular people for the rest of the year, but i only was involved with them during school time but never invited to hang out or anything.

    Year 11 my 1 friend didnt seem to care as much anymore and i fell away from school time friends too and then rest of the year no friends just plain lonely and that 1 school friend who stood up for me 1 time got kicked out of school for getting into a fight.

    Year 12 also went by as I had people to talk to during school but after school time its literally noone,and I always think that is it that I live far away from school that noone is my friend or that im not from around the school area that im a outsider from a different town or suburb, i also talked to girls as well but those were only talks that ended awkwardly and quickly, year 12 finished and in holidays i literally stayed home and watched movies and stuff, no one to go outside with.

    Now finally its my last year of school and i really want a friends or mates that I can just hang out with or even just a pretty girlfriend that I can express myself with.

    I am 6’3 in height, i have darkish skin colour, i also maintain my looks as well, and try to look like a gentleman but nope noone cares, and im getting frustrated and losing my cool, im not even fat or anything, i have a heavy sports mindset and am healthy, I am strong that I could literally fight anyone im school and beat them, but im like a friendly giant and people take advantage of that.

  13. Jessie or Jessica says:

    I feel somewhat the same way, I’m a freshman this year and I went to private school my entire life. Then I moved to public school in 7th-8th grade where I went to junior high and my dad was offered a job so we moved twenty minutes away and it was a better school system. Though I missed my other friends and still do. So on the first day there was these really nice girls who welcomed me into their group and I really do regret not taking it but instead I hung out with these other girls and they turned out not to be so wholesome. Because I grew up very strict in a Christian school. So there wasn’t really a problem with all that. I was sheltered and there was not very many girls in my grade. But I wish I would have stayed with those other girls and got to know them but I can’t change that now. So one of really good friends I made ended up moving away so it was hard because she was a really nice girl. Then I ended up getting a boyfriend so I feel like I pushed some of my “friends” away and I feel like if I broke up with my boyfriend I wouldn’t really have anyone but my one friend Brooke that hangs out with us so I kind of feel trapped. Also I feel like the girls that welcomed me in at first would think I was weird if I all of a sudden started talking to them at break and joined in their group when I haven’t talked to them since the beginning of the school year. It’s never been hard for me to make friends and I’ve always been incredibly shy. So I don’t really have very many friends right now but I’m praying and trying. Though sometimes I get very discouraged but, I’m gettting up and I trusting that Gods going to send me someone. A man that hath friends must show himself friendly… -Proverbs 18:24

  14. Indiana says:

    I feel the same way! except I’m only starting as freshman. I like to read, I’m quite intelligent and I’m quite a lot more mature than my peers. I know people and I’ll nod to them and say hi and sometimes walk between classes with them. Except I’m not close with anyone. I guess that is due to the fact that everybody already had friend groups since middle school whereas I did not. I’m a quiet person and I’m sometimes painfully shy. I find it hard to talk to others I Don’t know so making new friends is definitely a challenge. I feel so low and miserable when I have to eat lunch alone and sometimes I just feel like crying at school. I haven’t yet but I’ve been pretty close, not that I’m being bullied, just by the fact that I’m alone is quite saddening. I honestly don’t know what to do

  15. FakeName says:

    Same here. Except I’ve been at the same school since prep. When I was younger I was really socially behind I guess, since all I did before that was fight with my brother, and so I did a lot of stupid sht. I’m in year 10 now, surrounded by people who either hold grudges or just don’t want too get involved with me. I have “friends” but even then they always start drama and everyday is just a constant stress of “will I be kicked out next?” Bc they’re the only new girls and without them I’ve got no one. It took three whole years to get myself this little fake group. Even with this I still have no one to sit with in class and go places outta school. I really want a fresh start, to be a clean slate, but I go to a pretty privileged school and don’t want my future to suffer from my own incapabilities. So yeah, just another sob story to go with the rest. No advice to offer really, I’ve tried but honestly there’s only so much you can change.

  16. Lil says:

    I feel the same way freshman through Sophmore year I had a group of friends. But it wasn’t a real one. I had one best friend, and she was the only one in the group I could connect. So basically, I didn’t have any friends. Plus they would all turn against me, at least, every six months. She was also strangely controlling, and I felt like with her friendship I was unable ever to branch out. Even when she hung out with new friends, I wouldn’t be invited to chill too. I was terrified, but, I had to distance myself. I still ate lunch with my old group, but I started branching out. Sophomore year I met a girl who would become my “best friend” for the rest of highschool, but I always felt distant from her. She was popular and would bring me to parties. I also became best friends with a girl who would disappear mid-Junior year to go to boarding school. What was worse was I brought her to hang out with my old friends and they told her all these mean things about me. Soon Junior year I had developed a whole network of friends people who wanted me to take them to parties in the grade below (red flag btw). People who wanted me to take them to parties in the class above (another red flag). I still ate lunch wth my old friends, but we were less connected. Some random popular kids who wanted to be my friend in my grade (though I never put any effort into those relationships). Oh and I forgot to mention I had six years worth of camp friends too. Then that summer I didn’t go back to camp and I went away that summer. I had however finally told the controlling girl I was done. I hung out with my new best friend almost every day. Then I got into trouble and got grounded for the rest of the summer. All of a sudden, I lost my connection with everyone. Maybe I was feeling guilty. Ove the first half of senior year I lost my upperclassmen friends (college), my underclassmen friends (lack of drivers license and parties), the glamor pack (couldn’t text them regularly). Then my very old friend came back from boarding school, and I felt so happy. However, I lost her too (me being entitled). Then I had a chance with the girl I ditched she ended up uninviting from her birthday party. I hang out with my other close friend sometimes, but I choose the underclassmen over her because we had the same lunch period and I’m now sitting alone in the library. I fear she is mad at me. But she also excluded me from her prom bus which I think is odd. Anyway that’s how you go from rags to riches to rags folks. What is wrong with me?! I’m a second-semester senior with no friends!

  17. Edel says:

    Reading these was so amazing because all your stories are like mine! In Australia year 7 and 8 are in high school however I did year 7 at a separate school and just finished grade 8 at this new high school. I knew nobody and I developed some very close friendships but they all ended because of bitchiness/popularity divide so for the last half of the year I felt completely lonely. My personality is exactly like Marcie and I’m back at grade 9 at the same school and the feeling is back. I have a couple of friends but all of them have another group they wanna hang out with and Im constantly left lonely. It sucks. I feel so depressed and Im thinking of changing schools/homeschooling since I can’t put up with it much longer – my mum agrees. What should I do? I try and make friends and Im really nice to everybody around me but nobody wants to be friends with me back!

  18. Lolly says:

    Hey you’re definitely not the only one… I feel horribly alone in school too and always have. If I become friends with someone, I would still never be seen hanging out with at lunch time or break time, so I have to eat alone and its so frustrating. I’m kind and friendly to everyone but I just don’t know what to do anymore… I feel like I’ll never have close friends and I’m 16. I’m constantly blinking back tears in school, I just want the day to be over quickly. When I’m alone in school, I like to read- it really takes my mind off how anxious and low I feel.

  19. Lewis says:

    I’ve got the same problem at school at the moment. I do a lot of activities, I’m not super popular but I’m not one of the strange kids and i’m always really nice to people. I’ve been at the same school for 6 years now and I’ve found recently that I don’t have a group of people to hang out with. People think i’m nice and I’ve got some friends but I’m not close to anyone. It has really started to get to me this past year and I get sad all the time. I’ve got almost no self-esteem and I just don’t seem to be able to connect with new people. I get really nervous trying to meet people and just don’t seem to be able to fit in anywhere. I get really depressed and don’t know what to do.

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