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No friends in high school: What am I doing wrong?

November 10, 2012 | By | 313 Replies Continue Reading
The high school years are often lonely for many young people.

QUESTION

Hi Irene,

I have never written to you, or any other site like this before, so I am very new at this. But I thought I would give it a try, thinking maybe some outside help/views on my situation would give me a new perspective on things.

I am 16 years old. I’m not shy, introverted, or “nerdy” per say, but I am intelligent, not dumb. In fact, I’m quite outgoing, always trying to put myself out there, putting 100 percent into everything I do. I’m silly and fun, very positive and optimistic, individualistic, always being my own person. Just to give you more of a picture, not because I’m self-involved or anything, I’m not “ugly” or anything. (I’m sorry for using that word.)

I’m nice, inclusive, and enthusiastic but I’m facing this problem that is starting to make me feel so depressed: I don’t have any friends. In middle school, I faced the normal crap that evil children everywhere seem to put on others, which is why I was excited to go to a high school where I knew absolutely no one, to start fresh. A very brave move: going from a private school knowing the same 60 people your whole life, to public school with 1300 kids, knowing not one face or name. But I was ready to take that step, in hopes that I would find a group of friends that I would stay close with for a long time.

Grade nine hit and I got involved. I like taking on leadership roles and being a part of something greater than me to be the best person I can be (even though it sounds cheesy) but I think that is how you grow. I auditioned as a dancer (dance is my passion) in the fashion show at my school, and later that year I ran for Junior Vice President of student council, which I won. I thought to myself this is great: People voted for me because they like me. Things will only get better from here.

Grade 10 hit. I was Junior Vice President (JVP), I was a dancer again in the fashion show, and because I was JVP, I organized an entire charity week where we raise $51, 000 dollars for the school. I spoke in front of crowds very often, so public speaking became very easy for me. Unfortunately I got a spine problem and had to quit dance, but I still remained in fashion show. But, nothing happened. Still no friends in school. No connections. Just acquaintances and hellos in the hallways.

Many lonely weekends later, its grade 11. Now I’m in the same position I was in in grade nine. No real friends. And that amazes me. I see people who are new to the school and they make friends and are in a group RIGHT away yet I can’t. After everything. And I just don’t get it. I don’t get why it hasn’t gotten better, and I don’t get why I can’t seem to make friends. I go to school and I have no one to talk to really, no one to eat lunch with, and I feel so alone. But there’s nothing “wrong ” with me and I’m getting just so….sad.

I know this will be just a spot on the big canvas when I’m older, but its so hard not to focus on it right now, because whether I like it or not, this high school crap is pretty prevalent in a teenager’s life. I just want some friends. And I just want to have fun. And I don’t know, what I’m going to do. I need your advice. It’s Saturday night and I’m crying alone in my bed.

Signed, Marcie

ANSWER

Hi Marcie,

Thanks for writing. I can’t even begin to guess why you can’t make friends. I know it can be hard to enter a public school system when people have known each other for years. I know that teens can be mean when someone is different in any way, even if they have exceptional talents.

My first suggestion would be that you speak to a trusting adult closer to home, perhaps a guidance counselor in your school or a teacher whom you respect to ask for a more informed perspective on what could be causing your difficulties.

Also, have you tried reaching out to people one-on-one, perhaps inviting someone to go to a movie with you or to go shopping? Are there groups that you can join either after school or outside of school that might put you in contact with different kids? Do you have the time to pursue a part-time job, perhaps a sales position where other young people would be working with you side by side?

Take things slowly a step at a time. You don’t need a whole group but it would be nice to connect with one friend at a time.

You really have me stumped. I wonder if any other readers, either your age or older have any ideas. Your letter really made me feel for you. You have a wonderful gift for writing and seem to be mature beyond your years. It is great that you recognize that your situation is time-limited and common among teenagers.

My best, Irene

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Category: Teen friendships

Comments (313)

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  1. Ash says:

    Hi i’m ash i am going threw the same problem.when i first got to high school i thought i was going to have many friends and just have fun but the total opposite happen in gr8 i had many friends then as the years went by i lost most of them i am in gr11 now and i only have one friend.but she got her own life i am like a shadow compaired to her and i feel like a side chick to her fame.when she is not at school i just sit in the bathroom till its time to go to class.i try to stay postive because i know i am almost done with school,but every time i step in to the school a dark cloud covers me and fear takes over.i told my parents what i have been through. I understand the reason why my mother can’t take me out of this school. But the longer i am in this school the more i start to hate it and its becoming the worst time in my life.its gone so bad i almost missed school for more than a month.i am just glad that i am almost done with school i just want to get out of this place

  2. lora says:

    hi everyone! i just wanted to say a big THANK YOU for sharing your experience. i changed 4 schools, two of them were in UK and two in my hometown. i was always kind to others and thinking about other people, always shared with them everything i could, but sadly not everyone appreciated it. in my first school i spend 8 years (primary&secondary) which i really enjoyed as i became confident and i was always happy with my class. i was so lucky to meet these people, because after i changed so many schools, i still keep in touch with my 1st school and they always invite me anywhere they go. unfortunately, i had to move to uk, because of my step-dad’s job and i went to school there& found a group of people with whom i spend lunch and they were really childish and nice, but i i had different interests.. then when i moved to the 3rd school (still in uk), it was bigger, but after two weeks i was lucky enough to get to know a person that later on became that one best friend for me, who made each day a heaven for me. that’s when i felt so relaxed and comfortable. now, i’m in grade 10 and recently moved to a new school again in my hometown(again because of my step-dad’s job) and it’s completely new experience for me as it’s a private school and kids are a bit arrogant.. i know that i wouldn’t like to spend my lunch with them as we have nothing in common and i don’t like people being arrogant and acting in a posh kind of way..so i’ve got two choices, first one, make myself comfortable and focus on my studies, therefor spending lunchtimes at the library, and the second being, to try to fit in, by being not my own self… if anyone reads this, please reply, it would mean a lot for me.. <3

    • Kylee Holt says:

      Hi, I’m Kylee and i feel the same way. I just started high school and right now it’s in the second quarter and everyone has already found their group. I have bad social anxiety so it’s hard for me to talk to people because I’m scared of getting rejected or say something stupid. I wasn’t always like this. I used to be outgoing and have all kinds of friends, but it all went downhill when I transferred to a new school. There were about 16 kids in my grade and none of them had anything in common with me. They all went to school together since preschool and they weren’t ready for a new person to come in. None of the girls would talk to me, and the guys would always make fun of me. They would call me names, and one boy would always push me into the wall and whisper threats. Nobody would do anything about it, they would just walk by pretending that nothing just happened. In 8th grade, it got a little better. Two new girls came. One was a girl that was very disrespectful and was always getting into trouble, but she was the only one that would accept me. Even though she had nothing in Common with me, she understood what I was going through with my depression and anxiety because she has gone through the same thing.

      When I started 9th grade I wanted to put all the negative stuff behind me and start fresh. At first I seemed like an outgoing and likeable person to people, but then I would start to say negative or boring things and then they would distance themselves. This makes me feel more insecure about myself and more scared to talk to people. I don’t know what to do. I just want to get out of my shell and become the old person that I used to be. I used to be outgoing, and never cared about what people thought of me. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

      [Last name removed by moderator. To protect yourself against possible spammers, please do not use last names on this blog. Thanks!]

      • Maria says:

        I understand completely since I think I have social anxiety too. At first I seemed like a pretty outgoing girl and I had friends, Then as they would talk to me more they would say think I’m boring and then slowly distance themselves. After that I just gave up. No one has the same interests as me so what is the point.

  3. Shawna says:

    Hi am shawna and am a Trinidadian. I moved from trinidad to buffalo and I had to start over and make new friends am a junior in my school and I don’t know anyone. It not that I don’t want to be friends with people it just that they know each other since primary school I missed my old school and old life.
    Life jus suck and am depressed and sky. And I don’t know what to do

    • georgiana says:

      hey shawna i understand what you feel,kinda,because i am also a new junior in canada and well i have like only very few friends,i don’t even know if i should call them friends ,but i feel so lonely because most of them probably know each other from middle school or whatever so sometimes it is so hard especially during group projects but still i trty joining clubs,especially sports club,try it even though you don’t feel like you have friends,you still know someone or people

  4. Gabby says:

    dear Irene,
    I’m in middle school and I moved school’s at my elementary school I had a lot of friends and it’s really hard to make new ones. it seems no one likes me. people keep telling me to talk to them and say weird thing from a long time ago when they were kids. but that would just embarrass me, and no one does that in 2016. At my old school, I went to Montessori so this is really different for me. At my old school I only had 28 people in my class and now I have multiple classes so it’s really hard. PLEASE HELP ME!!!
    A very Lonely 6th grader,
    Gabby

  5. Morgan says:

    I feel the same way. I’m a very quiet person, and I have horrible anxiety so talking to new people takes a lot of effort. I have two friends, but we aren’t very close and they’re always super busy with extracurriculars or homework, so they can never hang out or even chat on the phone. 6th grade was fine, and in 7th grade I kind of started to spiral downwards. 8th grade was okay, until my best friend started turning people against me using complete lies. I had one good friend left, but she found a new social group, a new picture that I didn’t fit into. Prior to this, I’d never been involved in any real drama, so I didn’t handle it well. The beginning of 9th grade was actually pretty good, but as soon as the good feelings started, they ended with the first semester. I’m now a sophomore, and it’s been very rough. I cry myself to sleep a lot, and I never have anyone to talk to about any home problems, stress, or any issues in my life. I just have to bottle it up, because I have no one to release it to. Both of friends (who, again, I’m not very close with) are very occupied and don’t have time to hear me talk about my life. I’m doing 4 different extracurriculars, but I still haven’t managed to find anyone who wants to know me as more than an acquaintance. I try to get to know more people, but sometimes I’m just too exhausted (emotionally). I’m just so tired of being that girl who spends her lunch in the library, doing homework or reading poetry. I always briefly eat before going to the library (so the teachers don’t bother me) and I’ve come to notice that sandwiches taste very dry and bland when you’re sitting at a table alone. I just want one friend who thinks I’m more than a 7th or 8th option. I try so hard, but instead I’m spiraling downwards even more and I’m constantly filled with sad thoughts.

    • Diana says:

      Okay so I don’t really know how this website works or if I’m even posting it on the right part but I have to write how I’ve been feeling for months or its going to drive me crazy. First of all, right when I read this, it reminded me of exactly what I’m going through right now. I’ve moved from many different countries and schools since I was a child and made multiple friendships along the way, but about a year or even less I didn’t hear anything about most of them. Last time I moved countries was when I was 12 years old and now I am 16 but switched schools right after finishing high school. I went to a private middle school, where I made very close friends that I thought I would never lose contact or bonding with, and I was clearly wrong. Today, I am a junior in High school and I’ve never felt so alone before. I have many acquaintances at school that I say hi to or talk to during class about school work, but in general most of them don’t even know me and don’t make an effort to hang out with me in any way. Just short talk. I say the same thing to so many people now that Its become a habit and don’t even think when I talk to the person. However, I do have one best friend, that is also considered my only friend. I can talk to her about anything and she is the best friend anyone would wish for but she always gets in trouble and always get grounded and its like I’m grounded too because I have no one else to hang out with!:( I’ve eaten alone in the library, when my friend is not there or cannot take me out to lunch and its become a habit on lying to my acquaintances on the reason of why I eat out every single day. I’ve tried to make new friends. Everyone has their own cliques and my school is filled with cocky and mean people and it is very hard to find a group of friends. Last year, I had more friends that I now consider acquaintances because they all found their new group and have no interest on hanging out with me. I’ve tried to fit in their groups, but they all have their inside jokes or I just simply feel left out and know that if I was not even there, nothing would change. Have you ever seen everyone around you, not being able to notice you and knowing that you are invisible, but when trying to fit in…people judging you or just not take you seriously? I have tried so hard but it seems impossible, making my social anxiety even worse and my insecurities being visible to everyone. I just miss my old friends. I want to start over and go to a new school to have an excuse for having no friends. I’m actually not bad with first impressions and not to be cocky, but I’m not insecure about my physical appearance at all, its just when people get to know me it all gets bad. When people get to know me, they distance themselves or maybe I do because I always get scared, but I see it as a threat and am always scared to mess up which is what I end up doing. My closest friends in the past either slowly drifted apart from my life, or pretty much saw me as an insignificant part of their life and stopped talking to me when they meant so much to me. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I just want people to see who I truly am without my anxiety or my insecurities getting in the way. Everyone that first meets me thinks I’m the happiest bubbly person, but honestly I am the saddest person I know. I don’t consider myself suicidal and I don’t take antideppressants because I don’t tell my parents my problems. I used to have a therapist, but she did no help. She just told me what I already knew. Why is it so hard for me to enjoy this part of my life like most teenagers in high school? I just want to be happy and have at least 3 close friends that would always be there for me. I spent weekends alone and already find it a habit to lie about how much “fun” I had. I am sick of lying for people not to see my true self and feel pity for me.

      -Diana

      • Val says:

        Hey Diana, I know just how you feel. I came on this web site just to see if anyone else felt the same way as I do. I always try to smile when I’m at school just so people won’t hang out with me out of pity. If they want to hang out with me, hang out with me because you wanna. I have social anxiety and usually it’s pretty mild but lately it’s been out of control. But I understand. Have you ever sat alone like usual and somebody comes up to you asking if you want to join their group? At first you want to say no because you know their asking out of pity, but you say yes anyways because you don’t want to seem rude. And for awhile it goes pretty good. They keep inviting you to hang out with them, and then things start going in a different direction. The people in the group start to ignore you. Maybe not on purpose, but you start to feel like a filler friend. Meaning you just sit there not really contributing to the conversation, and when you do nobody seems to notice. So you decide to not sit with them anymore and you go back to your lonely spot. Where you feel like you belong. I always thought High School was the year for friends and memories, and I wasn’t wrong when I say that. But I’m probably going to leave High School with no friends and memory’s I’d rather forget. I wish more people like the people on this website went to my school and we mysteriously bumped into each other and became BFF’s, because we get and understand each other. Maybe there is a friend out there for all of us lonely people

    • Olivia says:

      I really know how you feel.

    • Olivia says:

      I really know how you feel. I thought things would get better in high school, and I would find people who it would feel nice to be with, but I don’t know if I ever will.

    • Chris says:

      Hey Morgan. I’m in middle school and I know how you’re feeling. My friend talked behind my back a lot and would often spread lies about me. I felt so left out and my other friend left me for a new group. I feel so lost. It seems like life keeps giving me so much shit. I cry at school in the bathrooms at break. I try making friends but I can’t something just stops me. I still hang around with the people who bring me down because I don’t want to be a loner. It just makes me feel so sad and so lost that someone could do this to me.

  6. J says:

    Marcie,
    I have absolutely no clue if you will even see this comment ever, but I felt like I just needed to respond. Our situations are so similar it’s scary. I also am a junior and went to a private school (where I knew everyone) until 7th grade when I switched to a huge public school where I knew absolutly no one. Like you, I am not introverted at all. I play varsity volleyball, basketball, and varsity track. I am pretty smart, all A’s on report cards… I had one ABSOLUTE best friend at my old school but then I switched, and to this day I still don’t have one person I can call my best friend. I have a lot of people that say hi to me or I can talk to in class but no one that wants to hang out with me it seems. Also since no one wants to go with me to anything, I kinda don’t feel the want or need to go to things like football games. I find that at things like that, I’m always on the outside of the conversation. It’s like I’m a second choice.. if someone’s best friend isn’t there, they come to be to make small talk. But I just want A PERSON… ya know? I also have realized that it’s just a tiny thing on a big canvas so I just keep thinking to myself to hold on for college. Honestly I think we would get along great with how similar we are <3
    Stay strong,
    J

    • Niomi says:

      Hey, I’m Niomi and I’m going through the same thing except I moved to a whole new city last year and started my junior year. Last year was okay but entering as a new person and with everyone knowing each other was so hard to fit in even though people always tried to talk to me. In my old school I was very well known and I started to develops good amount of friends right before I had to freaking move ): now I’m a senior in high school and still stuck in the same boat was in last year…

  7. Alice says:

    Hi,

    Im Alice and 13. Me and my best friend (only have one) just ended our friendship.
    At school I am called a weird and stupid just because I live on a goat farm.
    I get so upset. But everyone at school notices me as a happy person.
    My father left me this year and its so hard to make friends. I wish my life was different
    I hate life so much and wish I had one decent friend. 🙁

    [Last name removed by moderator – For your own safety and security, please do not use last names on this blog. Thanks!]

    • Amy F says:

      I’m so sorry you’re going through such a tough time. You’ve had two big losses over a short period of time. Can you talk to your school counselor?

    • Kim says:

      Hi I’m sorry you’re going through that but same for me I don’t have a real friend to speak to everyone who I thought were my friends ended up leaving me and now I have no one besides my family and I haven’t told anyone.

    • Al says:

      Hey, I know how you feel. sometimes it’s crazy to me that people who are supposed to be your friends can be so cruel. Whenever i feel sucky about it i try to remember these things:

      1. schol isn’t going to last forever it’s a small part of your life and doesn’t even have to be relevant in the future. Sure people talk about how high school was the best time of their life but thats kind of sad honestly, it means they’ve already hit their peak.
      2. Who needs people like that? If your supposed to be friends with someone, it’ll happen.
      3.so many people are scared to admit they feel the exact same way you do
      4. who cares? worst case scenario you make nothing of your life and die alone, what difference does that really make anyway? anything you do is productive.
      5. everything is going to be alright

    • Ella says:

      I know how you feel. I am 15 years old and i’ve forgotten what it’s like to have friends.

      I used to have a friend but they just ditched me for no reason. All my other friends are far away.

      It’s not easy to move schools either. I guess it’s just something we are both going to have to deal with.

  8. Michael says:

    Hi, I am from a Chinese/Filliopino background and came to New York when I was 9. I used to speak Chinese and only hangout with Chinese people who speak Chinese. However, over the years, I have learned to speak more English, and I made a lot of friends through soccer. I was bullied alot in middle school, putting myself in a “popular asian group”, and was called a faggot, but that is now just a memory as I am a sophomore now. Now more than 3/4 of my friends are non asians. However, a lot of things just look unfair to me. I hang out with friends that have been friends with each other for years. I get invited to events and I somewhat talk in the group, but I feel like I lack a best friend, or in fact, a close friend. I have no siblings and my parents get mad at me because my grades have seriously dropped in highschool, averaging low B’s. I have no close friends, am going downhill on the grades, and my soccer is just mediocre, and is not guarenteed into JV next year. Sometimes when the group breaks up to go buy a lunch while the other part goes to get a snack, i dont know which part of the group to follow. I remember few years ago when I had a few, but really close friends. I wish I had that back. I am afraid that if I dont make the JV soccer team, I will lose friends, and end up in a worst case scenario. A loner for the rest of highschool with bad grades. Thx for reading, please respond.

    • Kim says:

      Hi, I’m Kim and my parents are from another country but my family and I came to the U.S. when I was just 6 and now I’m in the 9th grade. I have no friends and at lunch I met this girl but she seems to be mean to me and I sit beside her at lunch time because I have no one to sit beside or talk with. I’ve tried my best to make friends but I guess I will never find one. I just wish I had just one or two REAL friends/BESTIE who loves me as her/his best friend.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Don’t feel bad. I was a loner in high school, & even though I participated in many extra curriculum after school, I had very few friends. Trust me, once you graduate & go to college/military, things get alot better.

  10. Andy says:

    Hi everyone. Reading through all these comments, i just wish i could reply to everyone, but i think the best way to do so is by just explaining where i come from, why I’m on this blog. Well…how to start? I didnt think id ever find myself searching for ways to make friends. Now in high school 9 going to grade 10, ive realized that so many thigns have changed since elementary school. I know what it feels like to have such good friends before, only to see them all leave you because of different interests and values, perhaps sharing classes and becoming friends with people they find themselves closer to. I know what it feels like to see people all change, and feel sad that your friends from the past are no longer friends. I know about moving to a new school for the big high school experience, and how much we long to get to make high school the fullest experience! Instead, i am just so confused and worn..now around people who don’t seem to care about or at least think about you, who just see you as someone they pass by. And i keep wondering, what did i do wrong? How did i get here? Was it just because i lost my closest friends? I sometimes third wheel, sometimes just go on with “fake friends” who only talk, and don’t listen or care about what you say. When i face new people, i get socially awkward and cannot be myself, or just be cool and funny at all. I dont udnerstand, because like you guys, i try to be as nice and sweet as possible to everyone. Is it because.. im too.. boring? Not knowing what to talk about, not having a friend to text or laugh with, these are the things that have worn me into being quite an introvert. I used to be loud and energetic, but now that’s all faded away. Instead of social media, like some of you guys said, i try to distract myself by reading a book or doing things by myself. I get afraid at public speaking, and just dont have a back support, just knowing that someone thinks you are important.. I just am grateful to see that all of you guys also can feel these feelings too. May someone respond? Thank you, if you’ve read my thoughts.
    Andy

    • Shannon says:

      Hey Andy,
      So I’ll be going into 11th grade this year and I used to feel like I had no support either. I had a really close group of friends but it they just seemed to fade away over the years. This summer so far has been kind of lonely, but I realized that I forgot about one of the most important things: my family. I don’t know what yours is like or if you get along, but I recommend getting to know them better and opening up to them. I’ve been trying this out little by little, and it does make you feel better. My summer ends in late August, and so far I’ve gotten to become more comfortable with who I am as a person. Don’t spend too much time worrying about what others think, because honestly they’re usually too busy worrying about themselves. Try out new things that interest you if you’re feeling lonely- taking risks is important. Sorry if this is really long- I’ve just learned some things recently that have helped me become happier. Just don’t be afraid to talk to people you know about how you’re feeling, they might surprise you.
      -Shannon

      • Andy says:

        Shannon, thank you for replying and understanding. I’m just so grateful that you too know what its like to not have a support..and also have a group of friends who fade away. I guess you’re right, it has really been a lonely summer. On some nights i just wish to have someone who cares about me. But you know what? It is such a good recommendation to spend time with family. Is it easy to open up to them? It only makes me feel ashamed that they have to know how things have become. Plus, its not the best to stick too closely to their sides right..? Thank you for the advice. My summer ends in August too, and its so great to hear that you are comfortable with yourself! I wish i could say that, but in front of people i just can’t seem to be a funny or fun friend. I seriously thank you for giving me these tips. It gets sad to be lonely and not feeling the support a friend can give. Maybe people will surprise…maybe..but many of the times i tried telling them how i felt, things did not work out well. But thank you for the advice. May i ask how you came to have this problem? You seem to be really kind.

        • Shannon says:

          Well, thank you! You seem nice too. Let me start off by saying that, no, it is not easy to open up to them. I became really quiet after losing my group of friends. (Basically a girl moved back to our town freshman year who used to live here, and my “friends” ended up including her and forgetting about me all together). After that happened I stopped telling my family about my school life, and that’s when they started to question my honesty, which was fair because I just didn’t talk at all for a while. I was (and kinda still am) really insecure about my personality with being a bit of an introvert. It takes a lot of courage to open up to them, and it will be awkward at first. But once I told my aunt (I live with my aunt and uncle) about how I was feeling bad about myself and really lonely, she was surprisingly sympathetic and understanding. It’s hard to talk to people in your family sometimes, but maybe try again, because now I feel a lot happier and less stressed. Yes, you should have independence and not need them for everything, but they do want what’s best for you. Bottling up your feeling will only hurt you in the long run, even though it might seem easier now. Trust me, I know. (Seems a bit ironic since I’m essentially a stranger, but you know what I mean lol). Being confident in yourself takes a lot of time and effort. Just be patient- and I don’t have a Facebook but if you want to talk in the future just let me know or something. And if not, that’s cool too.

          • Andy says:

            Hey Shannon! I cant help but say again that you are so kind. I’m sorry I did not reply earlier, as i did not see that you had responded. Im so grateful that you get what its like to suddenly lose a group of friends. It’s so unexpected and makes us wonder how someone else just took our place. Reading your comment is like reading my own thoughts, because i too became quiet and stopped telling my family about all my school troubles. “being bit of an introvert” is the right term. Thank you for the tips; to slowly open up as awkward as it can be to admit that we’re feeling lonely. I am so glad that it worked out well for you to tell your aunt and speak up again. That’s so great that you feel much happier now than keeping it to yourself. I guess it is true, i seriously thought it was easiest to just bottle up my feelings, but i get that family is like support if you let them be. Don’t worry haha, if i called you a stranger then what would all the people in my school be? Confidence is hard.. I’m thankful that you have gone down a path that’s helped you grow and be happier. I would love to talk with you!

          • Andy says:

            Ah Shannon! I cant help but say again that you are so kind. I’m sorry I did not reply earlier, as i did not see that you had responded. Im so grateful that you get what its like to suddenly lose a group of friends. It’s so unexpected and makes us wonder how someone else just took our place. Reading your comment is like reading my own thoughts, because i too became quiet and stopped telling my family about all my school troubles. “being bit of an introvert” is the right term. Thank you for the tips; to slowly open up as awkward as it can be to admit that we’re feeling lonely. I am so glad that it worked out well for you to tell your aunt and speak up again. That’s so great that you feel much happier now than keeping it to yourself. I guess it is true, i seriously thought it was easiest to just bottle up my feelings, but i get that family is like support if you let them be. Don’t worry haha, if i called you a stranger then what would all the people in my school be? Confidence is hard.. I’m thankful that you have gone down a path that’s helped you grow and be happier. I would love to talk with you!

            • Nene says:

              Hey guys,

              I am a freshman in a public school. I have been in this same school district all my life, but I almost feel like I am being left behind on the social curve. I use to find it easy to make friends, but suddenly I got into high school with thousands of people and I feel like I am trying to hard to make friends and sinking. I feel like I am a nice person who is outgoing and tries to make others feel good too, I never try to intentionally hurt someone. I now find myself wanting to be reading or on youtube to escape everyday.
              Everyone suddenly has such big social groups. My parents want me to be more social but I don’t even get to see most of my friends on a daily basis anymore and its like Im loosing my circle of friends.
              I am trying to make more friends but i feel so insecure about myself. I put the pressures of the world on my shoulders to be the best person I can be. I don’t even like some of the people in my school because they all seem so fake and talk such crap behind each others backs.
              I know I should stay positive and continue life with a smile but i feel so much anxiety about the next four years. People always say wait till college to truly feel good about yourself, but I want a reason to be happy.
              I don’t want to be a disappointment.
              How do I continue to feel good about myself and make friends to keep me happy, while I don’t feel so fake.
              I have like no confidence and am easily hurt and I am not good at talking my feelings out.
              I feel like I am trying so hard to be like my older sister who had so many nice friends in high school but she’s like 5 years older than me and had a different set of people in her grade.
              Just even writing this out made me feel better(:
              -Nene(:

        • Melisa says:

          Hello Andy! I can’t even imagine how I found the exact same situation, every single detail. I have the same problem.. Since it passed a lot of time since you published this question, I wanted to ask you how did you pass all that. Did you find a solution? I’m being really sad .. I have friends but .. Not a group or a best friend .. Not even a person who would like to sit with me .. I’m so alone ..please tell me what did you do.. Is there anything that I can do to change this? Thank you !

          • Ashley says:

            Hey Melisa,

            Im in 11th grade this year, in a new school, and I just started school today. I’ve been through the exact same thing! No one talked to me throughout most of my classes, and the one class that someone did talk to me, I think I screwed up that conversation haha. But anyways, I sat alone at lunch. Places like Disney Channel teaches us that theres always gonna be that person that invites you over to that table, but its not that simple in real life. However, I want to put myself out there, instead of shielding myself with my shyness like today. I would love to make new friends, and more often than not, I’ll have to make the first move. I’m trying to teach myself to not expect anything from anyone. If I say hi, I won’t expect them to be nice, and I won’t expect them to be mean. That way, if it doesn’t go well, I won’t be disappointed, and I won’t get so down. Although its easier said than done, taking things with a grain of salt is the way to go. Once people’s opinions stop weighing down on your mind, you will be fully comfortable being yourself. And THAT is something everyone deserves 🙂

          • Andy says:

            Hello Melissa! I’m in a way glad that someone can relate the same well… Haha, you are in a way right, the school year has long already started since i first posted. I just want to say that rethinking everything, i have found a solution enough to be grateful for what i have. Like Ashley’s comment, learning to not set expectations will help you focus on being yourself around people. I know.. i do not have a “best” friend, but with one or two ppl its enough. You seem so nice, i dont think theres a reason why people wouldnt want to be your friend. Be yourself. It doesnt mean that now im all surrounded with friends, many times im alone. I hope you find a way:)

          • Andy says:

            Melissa hi! I’m in a way glad that someone can relate the same well… Haha, you are in a way right, the school year has long already started since i first posted. I just want to say that rethinking everything, i have found a solution enough to be grateful for what i have. Like Ashley’s comment, learning to not set expectations will help you focus on being yourself around people. I know.. i do not have a “best” friend, but with one or two ppl its enough. You seem so nice, i dont think theres a reason why people wouldnt want to be your friend. Be yourself. It doesnt mean that now im all surrounded with friends, many times im alone. I hope you find a way:)

      • Kayla says:

        I agree with your response Shannon. I’m in your situation and it’s hard making friends, and re-connecting with your friends, it seems as though they’ve made a lot new friends. And they rarely say hi to you. It does make me feel lonely and that’s the worst part, and not being able to hang out with them more often. :/ But I make friends one by one and if they don’t like me. I move on.

    • Anonymous says:

      Hey.. I can totally relate to you! I had an amazing group of friends from 7th grade up til 9th grade. They were very supportive, that I was very confident almost all of the time. I’ve always been outspoken, independent and generally fun. I had to move to another country last year due to family situations, and to be honest, I wasn’t worried about making friends at school. I was very confident and I was sure that I would be able to find friends. At first, people welcomed me because they thought my accent was cool and because I came from another country, but then I discovered that they were just being nice. No one was ready to accept me into their friendship group, simply because everyone already had lots of friends and they didn’t need another person. I am also quite opinionated, which they thought was nice at first but then (apparently) they didn’t share the same enthusiasm I had towards certain topics, which made them back off. I tried to be nice and approachable, always putting my self out there and making the first move. I even joined some clubs. I would talk to people in class and we would have a lot of fun, but the moment the lesson would end, they would just go off with their friends. Sometimes I felt like people were spreading weird rumors about me because the people I hung out with during one lesson would give me the cold shoulder the next day. I assumed I was just overthinking it, because I didn’t think I could’ve possibly done anything to offend all these people! I tried to move past all of these weird feelings, but I just feel like I’m the problem. I started having lunch quickly with some random people, sit there in silence, then go to the library and do some work. I soon became very sad and lonely. Sometime in the middle of the year I made friends with a girl who sat next to me in one class, and she would invite me to sit with her at lunch, but anytime I sat with her and her friendship group, we would have small polite talk, then they would just talk to each other, and I’d just sit there and feel like I’m imposing. I knew some people particularly didn’t like me because of my strong opinions, and because I was different from them (background, religion, culture..). This is my second year at this school, and I’m still feeling bad. I feel like I forgot how to make conversation with people; I forgot how to be fun; Not taking yourself seriously and joking around only works if you’re with a bunch of friends, otherwise people st school don’t think very much of you. I feel like anytime I say something personal about me, people just wouldn’t care, even though I listen to their stories all the time. I’m just lonely and generally sad all the time, and I lost my self confidence. I don’t even feel like I’m a nice person anymore. I just feel like I’m this new kid who’s just a loser. This year, I even started feeling a slight anxiety in class, so i stopped speaking up, and I’m just keeping to myself. I hate lunch time and any free periods, because I would just end up sitting there by myself/awkwardly imposing myself on people’s conversations. I even gained a little bit of weight because I stopped caring about being healthy, and tried to comfort myself with food. I want to move to a different school next year, (assuming I’d find a suitable one) but I’m scared the whole thing will start all over again. I know that high school is not important and that I wouldn’t care about it 5 years from now, but I just feel so bitter and upset that I didn’t get to finish high school with my best friends, that I’m missing out on all the school fun. I really miss my friends.

    • B says:

      I’m going through the exact same thing! We think so a alike….
      Stay strong❤️
      B

  11. Ronni says:

    I guess I have a unique problem. I have friends and have had so for years. Back in middle school, they all played in the band and I was the only one among them in chorus (you had to pick between the two classes and my mother couldn’t afford to get me an instrument). It didn’t really divide us though. We were all just taking classes that we were forced to take.
    I guess the first time I noticed that I was out of place was in eighth grade, when the band went on a trip to Washington DC. I was all alone in my classes for a week, and when they came back I got swarmed with references I didn’t understand and flooded with pictures that filled me with envy.
    Now, in high school, all of those band friends from high school have gone on to join the school marching band. For the last two weeks of summer vacation, my friends are busy practicing. Then I don’t see them for half of the week for various reasons ranging from practices to football games and competitions. I just feel so left out and alone all the time. It’s gotten worse every year.. I don’t know what to do

    • S.K. says:

      Hey Ronnie! I may not have the exact same problems as you, but they’re pretty similar. I have a circle of primarily 3 friends at school. For seventh, eighth, and the first half of ninth grade, I was pretty happy.

      Initially there was another friend, but some stuff happened and she left the friend group. The friend who left and another friend (Friend 2, let’s say), used to be a sub-group, so it was just me and Friend 2– we became best friends, and Friends 3 and 4 in the friend group were also best friends. However, in December, some stuff happened and Friend 2 and I slowly separated. We’ve now resolved our problems, and Friend 3 and I are normal friends, but then Friend 2 and Friend 4 started becoming really close.

      Friend 3 and I started spending time together, but I could tell this friend would rather have hung out with her best friend (aka Friend 4). Overall, as a group of 3 friends, I often feel really excluded. I only have one good friend in the group, and that’s Friend 3, but she always wants to talk to Friends 2 and 4 first. I kinda want to make new friends this year, but everyone already has their friends (sophomore in a school that starts from seventh grade.)

      Wow, this is really long, but I hope someone can relate.

  12. helen says:

    I’m having a similar sort of issue. I don’t really find it difficult to talk to people but I have issues making that connection, and I honestly want it really badly. In Year 7 and 8, I was in this group of girls who I was relatively happy with at first. During Year 8,my best friend had a fight with them and then we broke off. The next year was absolute hell due to personal reasons, and this year, year 10, has been very difficult because I’ve ended things with my best friend; what we had (despite how much I care for her) was not good for either of us.
    I’m not mean or awful, I don’t think. I can be bossy when it comes to school work if no one picks up the slack, but I’m not looking for studymates, I’m looking for friends. I try to be kind and approachable and though people can talk to me, no one really seems to care. I’m not pretty but I’m neither so hideously ugly that people would be repulsed at talking to me, I don’t think. I’m just normal, perfectly average. I don’t get why I find it so difficult to become part of a group?? Anyhow if anyone wants to talk please reply and we can exchange emails or something.

    • Shannon says:

      Hey Helen. I decided to reply to you because it seems like we were both in Grade 10 this year. (My summer has already started). I don’t know if I’m too late in replying or anything, but I just wanted you to know that I feel the exact same way. I’ve filtered in and out of friendship groups in middle school and freshman year of high school, but this year just seemed lonely. I broke off of a group of girls whom I was so close with in middle school and last year, so it was really hard to loose those friendships. But just know that sometimes in life you have to be comfortable with being by yourself. Because if you don’t like yourself, how can you expect other people to? I don’t mean to sound judgey, that’s just something I’ve learned. I hope this helped 🙂

      • Someone says:

        Hi, same thing with me. I have a lot of aquatinces where we talk but never actually hang out after school. A year ago I had friends. No particular groups just hung out with this person here or those people there. But now it just stopped. It’s been a few months since I hung out with any friends and it’s really depressing. I can handle it but what I’m scared for is my junior and senior year (I’m going to be a junior after this summer) because with prom and so many things that would be fun if I had friends to enjoy it with. Just today I was at the swim club where I work and us lifeguards were just talking about friend stuff and expiriences. This made me really sad inside because it feels like I’m missing out on being a teen. This is partly also due to bad timing. The different people I hung out with in different times all ended up forming a friend group that seems really fun and I hear all these stories while I was throw to the side. They hang out every week and while I used to hang sout with them separately or some at different times now it just doesn’t happen. Also these 3 people I still hung out with who are I that group we don’t anymore cus 2 of them don’t like each other so now we don’t hang out as a whole. I’ve been very discouraged lately now due to all of this and because of that I have bad anxiety now and am quiet/shy. This is only making it harder to get friends back. Just like I said a few months back hopefully God will chime in and help me out. Another thing that contributes to the perfect storm is that I don’t use social media like Twitter or snapchat. Idk why I juts don’t like it so Mayen that made a difference. Hopefully junior year will be better.

        • Bekah says:

          I’ve finally come acroos people who are in the same boat as me. Like yourself I to am really struggling with the whole friend situation. I get told to go and join in with peoples friendship groups however I feel as if im intruding.. I would speak to a counciller or teacher in my school but I dont want to look as if Im making a huge deal out of something small? Its slorts day tomorrow and I have no friends… Is it normal 🙁

        • Steph says:

          To “someone”,
          I have exactly the same problem. A year ago I had good friends and a great friend, now they have all become close friends and I am left out of everything they do together. They are now more like aquaintences. I haven’t been invited to hang out with anyone for at least 6 months now. We have seemed to grow apart, not sharing the same interests or values now. I try to be like them but I am just not. I have one person i can sort of talk to but I am the third wheel in their close pair. I don’t have social media, I don’t know why. I suppose I don’t want to conform to stereotypes but now I feel like I don’t even have a personality of my own, and don’t fit in anywhere.

          I am religious, a Christian- uniting, but I am questioning my belief at the moment, which makes me depressed. The last time I truly, honestly felt like I had a best friend was before I moved to Australia from Canada. I was still a kid but that’s all I have. I am year 9 now, my family is thinking about moving again but I don’t know when, it’s all so stressful, on top of school and everything. It would be great if I could talk to someone who has a similar situation or advice.
          Thanks for reading my brain rant,
          Steph

          • Andy says:

            Wow.. after all these years, i never would have expected myself to be here, finding a blog of other people who feel these things too. I’ve read through all these comments and stories, and now i realize that in a sense we arent alone you know. Steph, i decided to post a reply to your “brain rant” because it related to me so much. I mean, we all just want to rant because when we feel so alone and hopeless it seems like the only comforting thing we can do. I think when i read that you had good friends a year ago, it reminded me of elementary school, how i always had just a few, but very close friends. And it seemed like everyone was so friendly and nice. When junior high came along, suddenly all these close friends i had just..left. They moved on, found people they could better relate to as we were all growing up. Like you, i didnt understand why they all changed.. Now, i still struggle and for some reason i dont have social media either. I guess its just saddening to see what others are always doing. Being Christian too, all i can tell you is to not question your belief. Have faith. I feel so blessed to have discovered that others feel the way i do too, and trust me, I’ve been through your struggles with school and friends leaving and just not finding a place to be.
            Andy

    • Karyn says:

      Hello Helen! I would like us to exchange emails or something else that allows us to send messages maybe? I hope we can share our problems and find a way to solve it together. I think I have a similar issue, but not exactly same. When I was grade 7,8,and 9, I had best friends which made us looked like a group. We used to hang out together, eat lunch together, and do everything together. But when I enter my grade 10 (which we have to choose another high school to continue our education), we were seperated. They all went to a same high school, and I went to another high school. (Now I’m just having my first week here) I don’t have any decent friend, they are all just like acquaintances. This happens because the students here have mostly spent 3 years being together, they have known each other well. So it’s just like they joke together by themselves, and I always feel lonely at school. I know maybe it takes a long time to adapt because I’m an introvert person, I’m rather shy in a new environment. Before I enter this high school I thought everything will just be okay by finding a new friend and leave all the past behind. But now I’m stucked here, I’m not good at making friends and I always miss my old times. I would love it if someone gives me advices. Thanks 🙂 I’ll contact you, just let me know your email, Helen! (or somebody else? everyone is allowed to share thoughts with me^^)

    • Andy says:

      Hi Helen. It just seems so confusing, doesn’t it? I find myself a confused 9th grader going to 10th, and trough all the stress of high school we don’t have the support that comes from having true friends. We all want to make connections and all i could say is that i get it! i get that you are kind and approachable,, but being a part of a group.. that’s when people just fit with one another. I hope that you are less confused after seeing what others think. I myself am quite lost in finding people who care to listen, laugh and spend time together as friends. Ever since a long time ago..its been very hard to find. I just wish yout he best, and hope you somehow reply.
      Andy

  13. someone says:

    Can someone please help me? I would say that I am quite popular I am very friendly, smart, and nice/kind. According to many people I am funny and I make people laugh. I have a group of friends around (6-8) not in my grade but same age and were very close. In my grade, I’m like an in school friend with many people and I talk to them and were very close. The problem is with the people in my grade, I am never invited to hangouts or pool parties (there was recently one today that I was not invited to. All of the invited kids I speak to (the invited kids all set it up)and are very close. It annoys me how I did not get invited. Can someone please help me on how to not just be an in school friend and actually get invited.

    If needed: I am in 6th grade (going into 7th Grade)

  14. Cloe says:

    I m so woorie ! My many of friends (far frnds) dislike me ; including both male and female ,they use to make fun of me , use to tease me with each other , aftr that , they use to laugh . I’m jst average( according to me , I’m preety , lol ) in looking+ rich + good in study . I olway try to talk with them with good way ,aftr that olso ‘ they say bad abt me . When sum body use to sit near me , they use laugh ,, I m so woorie ! What I had did with them ? Why they don’t want stay near me ? What will be reason? Help me ! And comment ( I have many question :((((((()

    • Pranshu says:

      I am quite happy today that I am not alobe in this world facing such peblems…I want to talk to all such people. We can make a group on Facebook or whats app so we can relax chill out (not real but it will satisfy most of us…. Atleast me) people please mail me if you are interested I will be happy to talk with you guyz
      I am 16 yo

      [EMAIL ADDRESS REMOVED BY MODERATOR. FOR YOUR OWN PROTECTION TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM SPAMMERS, DO NOT POST ANY EMAIL ADDRESSES ON THIS BLOG.THANK YOU.]

      Dont forget to mention where you found my Email (or I may end up blockong you.. Send a screan shot along….pls no fake people only people like me of 13-17 yo)

      FYI, a number of posters have asked for a way to connect with others who are interested in online friendships. On a trial basis, I have created a new Facebook group, called The Friendship Blog Connection, for that purpose. This might be a place where you can interact with a new person, begin a friendship, and then take your conversation to the next level off the page. http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/something-new-check-out-friendship-blog-connection-facebook/ Best, Irene

  15. Anonymous says:

    Austrailan Public Schools

    Iove books and music, people tell me I’m book smart and street smart. I get straight A’s on my report card and play the Viola. My parents are very politcally involved and have something on nearlt every day of the week.

    I have been having problems with frienships since year 5 all because of 1 girl. I always end up in the same class/groups as her. (Lets call her A) We finished primary school together on goodish terms. We then coincidentally ended up at the same high school. I hung out with these new friends I had made for a couple of weeks but they weren’t people I wanted to spend my time with. I started hanging out with a girl in my class (lets call her B) but she hung out with A. I had no other people I knew so I let the past stay in the past. A, B and I hung out for all or grade 7. We got to grade 8 and I was starting to feel excluded, I slowly
    started to sit with A and B less and hang out with this new girl (lets call her C) I was mesmorised by this new girl who included be and treated me like a sister -for a couple of days. Slowly people started gossiping about how C had stolen me of A and how C was terrible. C walked over to A one morning said something and went and sat with someone else. I tried many times during the day to talk to her telling her I didn’t care what people were saying she said she did and walked off. She didn’t talk to me for theee days then on the third day she came up to me and told me I was being really childish (this happened on a Friday). In the meantime me and B had worked out our problems and were fine again and A and I had agreed that we didn’t want to be close friends anymore. As Monday rolled around I approached C and told her I had no idea how I was being childish. She informed me that she asked if I wanted to talk and sort stuff out and I ignored her. I replied and told her I didn’t hear her and offered that we talked straight away. She told me it didn’t matter anymore and hasn’t talked to me since then.

    I have tried very hard to become friends with other people but no one is the right fit for me. I would hang out with the boys but they told me to f**k off already when I tried to hang out with them

    I’m not a play sport at lunchtime person, or a couply person or a do nothing person. I like being alone but there is nowhere to do that at my school. I have told my dad and he said I had the option to move schools but I love the teachers, and my subjects.

    I just wanted to let it out but if anyone has any advice that would be great too.

    • ashley says:

      hi, i go to an australian public high school too! I’m in year 9 and have gone through bullying throughout my entire high school year. and for some reason, every friendship group i go to, they are either boring or we have a fight. people like to spread rumours about me and I’m honestly such a caring person and never hold grudges, I’m very active and I’m never negative but hung around negative people for some reason. i recently have been hanging with a group for about a year now, and it was all drama. the drama went away for a bit but now they are all going bad and i heard that these 4 girls have been dissing about me and saying that they use me for my work (because i am a smart student) and they don’t really like me. then they start blaming me for dissing behind their backs when i haven’t. so much bad luck comes to me and i can’t move schools, I’m slowly getting more and more depressed each day feeling used and that i have no one and i don’t know how to be away from bad influences. is there something wrong with me? or do i have fake friends? if you need more info to help please ask! I’m happy to talk to anyone who can help. thanks so much whoever replies!!! xx

  16. Ang says:

    I have a very similar situation to you Marcie. I live in Australia and I go to a private Christian school. It’s actually quite simple how our school works:

    Library group- all acquaintances and not very nice
    Basketball group- a lot of couples, they hang out after school which kind of suggests that they are actually friends, they are kind of the step before popular
    Dance group- clicky and bitchy
    Anti-social group- do not like talking to people, a lot of them are negative and some are mean
    “Popular group”- they are really the only group that talks to boys, they seem to be close and are the only group besides the basketball group that hangs out with boys

    Unfortunately this is usually how school works.

    At the moment I am in the “anti-social” group. We are not really friends, more like acquaintances. I get along with almost anyone except for people who never stop complaining. Negativity is something (as a very positive person who always tries to see the bright side) I hate being around, and a lot of them are very negative.

    Some are fairly nice to me, but are not that loyal or fun at all. I feel like they all have the maturity of 11 year olds even though we are in year 9. I feel like if something bad ever happened to me they would not really care either.

    I just really want to make the most of high school. You only live once and I want to live, meet boys, go to concerts, have fun and have real friends. Doesn’t everybody else want this too? This might sound a bit stupid, but why do people have to be so complicated and bitchy? Why can’t we all just be nice to each other?

    I can’t do any of this because my ‘friends’ 1. Don’t want to and 2. Have extremely overprotective, actually nutty parents. Some of their parents are too scared to even drive them over to my house!

    It’s a complicated situation because it’s hard to move into a new group unless you’re new and everyone knows that I’m in the “unpopular” group. My year is quite immature and when I try to talk to new people, they either ignore me or try to get out of the conversation (half of the time they seem nervous). Everybody thinks I’m just a sweet, shy girl but I’m actually extremely extroverted. I’m just in an anti-social group.

    I am, just like Marcie, just interested in a real friendship. I will without hesitation stand up for my friends, I have never been mean to anyone in my entire life, I love to just have fun, I am also quite smart, I’m an individual with strong morals, an animal activist and I am not unattractive either, a lot of people say how pretty I am (sorry, I’m not bragging or anything), but my confidence is being diminished, as some people in my group are kind of bullies and call me ugly sometimes. This is why I don’t want to stay in the group. Some of them are nice to me, but not loyal enough, they won’t stand up for me at all. And boys just treat me like an alien. Whenever I try to talk to them they seem to get nervous or maybe don’t want to ruin their reputation by talking to me? I just don’t know. But they’re nice to all the popular girls, or at least I think they are.

    Even though I feel like nobody is interested in real friendships, I can tell that a lot of people like me are hiding in these groups that they don’t fully fit in with, where they are treated badly, witnessing others being tested badly or just not happy but are too scared to do anything about it.

    I really do feel for you Marcie. Don’t worry, this is such a common thing. People are insecure and jealous. Many people are just like us, but hide it.

    This is also very new to me. What do you think I should do Irene? What do you think about my situation? Sorry about my writing, usually I am a lot more literate, but I’m writing very fast.

    Signed, Ang

    • Cris says:

      So about 2 months ago I moved from my high school that I was in since freshman (now a junior) I had a lot of friends and was always happy joking around and having a good time with them. My family ended up getting a house in the suburbs so we had to move in the middle of junior year. I’m now in this new school which is completely different than my old one which was small and everyone knew eachother and now in a big school with thousands of kids. On my first day I made who is now my only real friend that I can joke around with I have a few others but not as close to them . I don’t have any communication with other students due to them already having their friends and groups established. these kids have known eachother since elementary school and are mostly lifelong friends and I haven’t made any connection with any of them except for a Couple. everything about this school is great and better compared to my old school except for the social part I feel like if I would have known these kids since elementary school ( where they all met eachother at) I’d hve the same connection I do with my only real friend now. I can tell that the kids want me to be a part of their group as many make attempts at communicating with me and I respond with confidence but we never really make any true connections I had with my friends at my old school. My dads job has moved to the area where my old school was at and I see it as a opportunity to be happy and comfortable again with my friends. Should I stay here and see how things go or go back to my old school during senior year and put up with the about an hour long drive from where I live now but where I could be my fun joking self again and graduate with the people I love. Thanks if you read this and please reply if you get a chance too

      • Rose says:

        If the friends at your old school are a lot more friendly towards you then it’s worth the hour drive! Make sure you keep in touch with your friend at your current school though since he has made the effort to be friends with you.

    • Jodi says:

      WTF you literally just described my ENTIRE high school life.I am going to a Christian school too. Ive had this problem since year 7 and im in year 10 rn STILL HAVING THIS PROBLEM. 🙁 it ruins ur life trust me and it is worst at my school because literally everyone is happy with their group of friends and im very unhappy and its so hard to make new friends at this point in high school because everyone is already in their own clique. Ive never met anyone else with this problem. I just hate the group of people in my clique. Not necessarily hate…but like i just feel like im not free to be myself and enjoy high school with them because they never want to do anything. we’re not even friends most of the people i talk to are accquaintances, I have 0 close friends

      • Gemma says:

        Hi my name is gemma i moved to this school 6 months ago i went to a lunch club because i did not like going outside or in the lunch hall im better now and have hanged out with some freinds i made in my classes i went outside with my 2 freinds and they went to hang out with their freinds on a seat there was no room and i was the only one standing i never spoke much because i never knew their freinds much and i felt akward and shy also im very tall and not in any classes with their freinds yet there twins and another girl called victoria who was in my art class before the change over when we got our classes for 4th year anyways her freind rosie who i know told me when she came to this school she could not speak english because she was ”polish” and that was a year ago and she is freinds with them i feel when i go with rosie and the other girl the rest of the group is talking about me i pray and hope god and someone will hear this its hard to explain this but im writing this in school maybe if they got to know me it would be nicer im tall maybe they think when a new girl comes shes small get what i mean. Anyways they seem nice girls i just felt when me rosie and other girl went to the chairs they said move for a space and they all sat on the seat i was standing at the side picking the leaves feeling left out also because im tall they might find me weird i just wish i would get to know these twins and maybe ill be in future classes with them maybe they feel threatend by me because im tall but i know the polish girl last year is bffs with the twins and smaller than them thanks for reading

  17. Lou98 says:

    Hey,
    I’m French so I apologize for the mistakes. It’s ok if nobody sees this, I just need to write a little about it.
    I’m like you all guys. I’m 17 and it’s my last month in high school (I can’t wait to leave this place) I have one best friend and I spend all my time with her. I have few other friends that I love but that’s all. I have almost no guy friends. When my best friend isn’t here, it’s very difficult for me to be a part of the class. People are nice, but I can’t connect with them. I know I’m different and a little weird -I love animals, I don’t talk much, I like to read and sleep a lot and I am not interested in all the stuffs that others like. I’m shy but once I learn to know someone I become funny and trustable. I dress like everyone else, except that I don’t like make up and all. I’m never invited to parties and I feel sad about it.
    I’m always afraid to bother people so I prefer to stay in the back most of the time.
    But still, what can I do to become a part of a big, real group? I’m lucky to have friends that understand me but next year I don’t know if I will be able to make other friends.

    • Kaylee says:

      It sounds like we are going through the same thing,I am 16 and I go to a very small school. I only have one friend but she is about to move. I have been going to the same school for many years but all the friends I have had got to making bad choices. I feel like no one really likes me because I am quiet and so I stay in the back. Even when I try to go out and talk to people I get spoken over and pushed to the back.My mom started noticing and she suggested that I go and talk to a counselor, maybe you could try it out too? I know other people who go to counselors and they say it helps. If you have found any other things that help could you let me know?

      Thanks

      • Lou98 says:

        It’s a good idea, I have a counselor in my high school maybe I should talk to her… Otherwise I try to be as “normal” and nice as I can but people are not very interested in nice… I don’t know what to do. One more month and high school will be over so I wait, I hope I will make friends next year.
        I understand what you’re going through… I don’t know what to say to help you but I hope it’ll get better 🙂

    • Andy says:

      Im glad you guys understand what its like.. to be shy and only open up when we get used to people, its so hard to participate in class! High school is so stressful and scary, especially when we have to face being alone. Not getting invited, but still being so normal, its just sad to only stick to one person and not be able to get into groups like everyone else has. I just hope that our differences will still help us open up and find people we can connect with. I like bookks and animals and sleeping too! Not all those stuff that social media people do. I guess its just hard to find people who you can actually talk with easily without worrying about what to talk about. Being quiet kind of makes things hard..hope itll be good one day. \Andy

  18. William says:

    I seriously want to get some close friends. Each day is a pain for me because many kids always curse at me behind my back and they say all sorts of horrible things. Whenever I think I made a friend, they always betray me in the end. For example, when we were supposed to chose our own groups for this presentation project, I immediately went to side up with my so-called friends and they denied and rejected me so much that, very embarrassingly for me, I started to cry. The teacher finally had to step in because she felt sorry and I hate that sort of thing! When I was accused for getting in trouble, and it was clear that this boy did it, the people I thought were my friends, started to make up vicious things about me and one boy even started to fake cry in front of the teacher! I ended up getting a detention for 1 hour after school because I was accused of punching a kid who was two times my size (notice: i am small for my age). I end every school day with a plastic smile and my behavior is always gilded. Inside, I am experiencing so much pain and my head hurts from all the stress and anxiety. I sometimes feel like there should be no reason for me to keep living. I also used to get very good grades, but now in 8th grade, these “friend” problems have gotten more severe, and my parents are thoroughly disappointed. “How can you bring home so many Cs?” They asked. “What happened to that straight A report card that you used to have?” And, they can never understand me, I do not think anyone else can. I try to fake being sick and skip class because I feel, “What’s the point?” I am having disturbing thoughts and sometimes even thinking about taking a cyanide pill. Please help me.

    • Irene says:

      HI William,

      You need to speak to a counselor at school as soon as possible to help you figure out how to improve this situation.

      if you feel so despondent that you are thinking about giving up, contact a suicide hotline immediately.

      • A free 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) is available to people in crisis (or their loved ones) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are routed to local crisis centers.

      • In the UK or Ireland, Samaritans offers confidential support at 08457 90 90 90.

      Crisis Text Line is another free, 24/7 emotional support for those in crisis. http://www.crisistextline.org/

      Founded by DoSomething.org, this 24-hour texting hotline provides realtime emotional support for young adults. The program is designed to be a safe outlet for anyone to reach out to when they’re struggling with a mental health issue, whether it’s feeling depressed, bullied or anxious. The service is run by crisis counselors and is completely confidential and free of charge. To reach the helpline, text START to 741741.

      Best, Irene

    • april says:

      It feels like we’re going through the same thing tbh.Like during school I have a choice to eat alone or go sit with this people who just let me sit with them but they’re not even my friends so sometimes I just sit by myself.There is definitely ups and downs I’m in 11th grade right now but 8th grade was the worst I was very very depressed.Got through it been through ups and downs and I have to admit right now it feels awful but just have to remember there is more than school out there and later no one will care if you didn’t have any friends or not cuz you’ll make new ones at work or some other place outside of school.Good luck and remember there’s a future out there just find a hobby you love.

    • Iona says:

      Hi William
      I don’t know if you’ll even get this or if it’ll help, but I want to say something. My name is Iona and I’m in grade 9. First things first teenagers are total idiots. They can be mean and rude and yeah some only pretend to be your friend and stab you in the back. But not everyone’s like that, there are so many people out there that are just like you or can see what an awesome person you are. My trouble with making friends seems like nothing compared to what your going through and I feel guilty even complaining to myself about my problems like not getting in a clique at my new school or worrying about acne and stupid things that in the real world are nothing. If your short or self concours don’t worry about it my brother was really short until about 16 or 17 and now he’s really tall. I could tell you the measurements but if your American it won’t make sense. Anyway try finding people similar to you like if you like reading hang out in the library or join a club that does something you enjoy, and if there really is no one in your school who you would like to be friends with try branching out and join penpalworld, or the real world outside of school and meet people there. School isn’t everything even if it feel like it is, it does for me (only three more years to go). [EMAIL ADDRESS REMOVED BY MODERATOR] By the way I am 15 years old and a girl and I live in South Africa. Also if anyone else just wants someone their own age to talk or is feeling depressed I’ll do my best to help, please don’t feel shy to email me.

  19. John says:

    In year 8 (UK) I went to a new school where a bunch of people from my primary school went but none of my actual friends went so I had to make new friends. I got into a group of guys( about 5 of us) and it was fine for a few months. There were these other guys in my class which seemed to be cocky, annoying, rude douchebags and I decided to stay away from them. My group then proceeded to turn into complete a******s and have been mean to me ever since and I’m stuck in this group. The guys who I assumed were douchebags turned out to be nice, great, fun people and I’ve been trying to approach them for like a year now but I can’t seem to get into their group. I don’t know what to do and the last 2 years of life have been hell for me. How can I get into a good group of friends?

  20. Lauren says:

    I used to have a huge group of friends, but about 6 months ago in the beginning of this school year they all started changing and becoming very negative and rude for no reason. They treated me very badly and eventually in October a ton of drama went down and they ended up hating me over a huge misunderstanding. The girl that always starts the drama posted a bunch of mean things about me online and I stopped talking to both of them. Then, last month in January we made up and started hanging out at lunch and all that again, but then MORE happened. The one girl that always starts the drama decided to go post something mean about me online, but when I tried to explain that none of what she thought I had done wrong was true she wouldn’t say a thing. Basically my ex best friends changed a lot from what the used to be, got really rude, and started drama because they have some sort of love for it. I have no friends anymore.

  21. Unknown says:

    It’s always a great feeling getting something off one’s chest. I don’t even know if anyone will read this but I just want to write about it anyway. I’m from England and go to one of the cleverest ‘high school’ s (all boys) in the country. I’m in year 11 (aged 16) and about to do my GCSEs, the most important exams in our school career and am on track (hopefully) to do well. I’m captain of my school year’s ‘soccer’ team and also captain of my local team. I play electronic guitar and have played at 2 concerts before (only small ones!) and also recently conquered my fear of heights which I am extremally proud of. I also enjoy cooking and running, especially 100m. And yet despite all this I feel empty, with no confidence and belief in myself and in my view this is just weird (and depressing). I have a lot of friends too; me and 2 other boys are absolute best friends and I have a number of other good friends and so compared to all the above comments (hang in there by the way! (: ) I am lucky. But I still feel incredibly low self esteem because of the fact that I constantly wonder of what people think about me and also the fact that I feel as though I am a complete nobody other. Probably about half the people in my year go to parties and none of my friends do; they never worry about this but I feel as though I’m nothing because I’m not part of these parties. I do have one good friend who I’ve known for years who does go to a few and has invited me but I always make up excuses because other then him I wouldn’t really ‘know’ anyone from my year. I’ve struggled with being shy and I confident in the past and I’ve come a long way since then but there’s just a part of me that completely wells up when I am with these ‘cool’ party goers. And yet one on one with them I’m completely myself and they like me! For example; in morning registration we are organised into groups of about 20 people and register and chat with a teacher on duty etc. and almost all the people there I’m friends with and have spoken too and have laughed with and made them laugh bla bla bla but in the registration period I well up. I sit on my own trying to look cool and not bothered when everyone talks because being part of a group just shuts me up. And I don’t know why!!!! There are some people who I just don’t dare to talk too despite all my good points and their bad points. I just see people having fun and it makes me so depressed- when I am with my friends and I see other people walking over I pretend to not be with them- it’s INSTINCTIVE and I don’t know why!! I must be messed up in the head. I’m popular, good at many things, very funny (apparently), I’ve had 3 girlfriends for crying out loud (even though I go to an all boys school)!! But even though all the cool people like me I just don’t have enough self belief that I am ‘worthy’ of them. I know it sounds stupid because it is, but I’m glad I’ve got it off my chest. Another example of this occurred only this morning- 2 friends of mine (not good friends but friends none the less) were sitting opposite me (I talk with them fine on their own but because they were taking with each other again I welled up). One of them was a bit of a party goer and and was describing a crap one- the other guy is not a party goer at all but still asked questions and made the other guy describe it and they laughed together (they’re best friends) bla bla whilst I was saying nothing and listening and feeling depressed because I wasn’t invited, even though it sounded shit and was run by some weird guy who dresses up like Hitler. No one else gave a damn about their conversation but it made me so depressed and I DONT KNOW WHY! Even with my 2 best friends sitting with me too I didn’t say anything to them for the whole lesson because I felt like a nobody. This has happened too much and I am determined to put a stop to it because I know if I’m a confident version of myself I can triumph- I have the potential for loads of friends but I gotta start not letting it consume me.

    • Amy F says:

      Some people prefer to socialize in groups, other people one on one. It’s hard to have perspective when you’re a teenager and everyone seems more comfortable or at ease that you, but as an adult I can tell you, everybody is insecure in some ways, they’re just like you, hiding it. I’ve talked to so many teens and former teens who feel like they’re frauds and everyone else fits in. Most people I socialize with either tolerate or hate parties.
      If you want to be invited, next time people are talking say, “sounds like fun, I’d love to be included next time.”
      People aren’t mind readers, they don’t know what you want, how you feel or what you’re thinking unless you tell them.

    • Iona says:

      Hmm,you seem rather quiet popular and like an interesting person. but non the less I understand how you feel I suck in groups. One on one if I decide to talk to someone and get to know them I can become friends with just about anyone, it’s happened before one of my best friend is and half American Russian who has dreadful taste in music and who’s father thinks he is the messiah, and yet it works. But sadly as soon as I sit in amount sit in a group I find myself going dead silent, not awkward or shy, unless someone asks me a direct question I find myself staring at a particularly interesting seagull or pondering of quotes of an interesting nature. It doesn’t help that I have two different personalities, one extroverted and outgoing and on introverted and wanting everyone one to bugger off and let me read, listen to music, sleep or daydream. I can simpathise with you about the all boys school since I grew up with three older brothers, different I suppose since I’m a girl but still…. I’m afraid the only advise I can give you is to appreciate your friends and go to the parties and talk to people as though you’ve known them all your life and are completely comfortable around them . Or you can be a duck they don’t seem to have any problems fitting in.

    • Jess says:

      I just wanted to say that I know what you are going through and there is nothing wrong with you. I’m from Australia and go to a all girls school. I am in year 11 and sixteen years old. To tell you the truth, you and I are in the same situation in two sides of the world. I won’t say that I am extremely popular but I have a lot of friends. I used to swim for my school team and represent Australia in international surfing competitions (sounds cliched for an Australian right?) A year ago, I thought life could not be better. I was friends with the most popular girls in school, doing extremely well in school and sports and for me life could not get better. However this year things changed. I felt empty and worthless. I did not have a desire to go to school and I felt like an outsider anoung the same people that I grew up with. I don’t know you or anyone would be reading this, but I wanted to say that things get better. I know that it sounds so cliched and I hate myself for saying that but it’s true. When things started to go downhill in my life I blames myself. You know what? Everyone feels like that. I won’t pretend to understand what you are going through but we seem to be in the same boat so I thought my story could help you or anyone for that matter. Your high school does not define you. Period. If you are not enjoying the company of your friends… Then go out and make some new. Meet like minded people and things will automatically change for you. You change and so do your friends. You are not the same person when you made friends with your existing friends so there is no point holding on to them. I am not saying cut them off but find some new people that you like. Everyone goes through this phase when they question themselves. So don’t worry. Try to be comfortable in your own skin. Let me tell you this, high school doesn’t matter. Yeah sure it matters in some aspects but most of the thing and experiences I have gained are from outside school. This is your world now but urgent be forever. It’s less than 2 years anyway. Out of high school it’s a while whole different world… A real world. Things that only seem to matter now won’t mean a thing to you. Superficial things like popularity are just that. Your high school career won’t be dependent on popularity. Believe me I wan in the same place you were just a few short months back. It will change for you too and when the right answer comes to you, this all will look so so trivial in retrospect. Anyone feel free to talk to me. I’m here for you even though I don’t know you. I think that’s worth something?

  22. Dg says:

    I don’t know if this helps……but I remember in high school feeling the same way. Groups of friends invariably getting together on the weekends, where I only heard about this but was never emotionally connected to them enough for them to invite me. It happened all around, between my church friends and school friends. I would say hello to many and maybe eat lunch w them from time to time as well, but that was the depth of relationship. If it wasn’t for my 1 girlfriend that would be my staple of infrequent projects and sleepovers, I would’ve felt a deeper pain. So maybe having that 1 friend to literally set up ur own activities and things would change the course of things? Nowadays, I reconnected w many of those from the past, and tho still superficial it’s nice to re engage on my own terms again.

  23. Ellen says:

    I can’t believe there are so many other people facing this situation too, I honestly thought I was the only one. I’m 16, and am really struggling with school. I’m friendly, outgoing and kind, yet I literally have no friends. Yes, I get hellos in the hallways, but no actual friends. I sit with a group of girls at lunch( I go to all girls school.. not fun) who are nice but never include me. I honestly don’t know what to do. I would love to have a few friends to talk to, or do something at the weekend. Everyone seems to be having a blast, and it makes me feel horrible.. Any advice?

    • Dallas says:

      The same thing is happening to me. I don’t know what to do. 🙁

      • Evie says:

        This is my exact problem. I sit with some girls at lunch and I like them and all but I just feel like I need a special friend that is always there for me and can help me if I need it. I feel like no one shares the same likes and interests as I do. I like rock music, drawing, Disney and books. I also love doing school work. No one I know is like that therefore it is very hard for me to find the right friend. 🙁

    • Jodi says:

      SAME i cant even concentrate on school work because im so depressed. I thought i was the only one who felt like this.

    • Lauren says:

      Same things are happening to me I moved countries in January and was going through some personal problems at the time so I started in a private school wilt over 1000 kids in it which was horrible so my mu un enrolled me and I enrolled in a local public school which I LOVED but my mum sad it could be dodgy so she took me out and enrolled me in an all girls school which is private and I hate it. All the girls are nice but only as acquaintances and if I didn’t force myself out there it would be like I’m invisible. I hate it because I want to go back to the public school so bad and my mum just won’t let me she says I can focus a lot easier on my school work and get into a university from the school I’m in she loves it. I don’t know what to do cause I’ve been to this school for 3 months already and am behind in ever subject have no friends and overall hate it. I just want to be a teenager and enjoy year 9 (I’m 15 btw) it frustrated me because I have never found it hard to make friends and living in 3 different countries already and being to over 10 schools I always found it easy to adjust but not this time. 🙁

  24. Caleb says:

    I’m having the same problem in school also. I used to be friends with all the cool kids in school, I was invited to many things and they would talk to me all the time. One day, everything just stopped. They started to call me desperate for friends and they stopped including me in projects, stopped inviting me to go out. They even created a chatroom behind my back to say bad things about me. Whats worse is, that when I finally make a new friend, that group of cool kids would go up to my new friend and influence him not to talk to me, and force him to join the ‘cool kids club’. In short, they’re just trying to make my life miserable by taking every new friend I make away from me. There are also those people who don’t talk in class, and yet they get put in the ‘cool kids club’. I seriously have no idea how I even offended them in the first place. I’ll never know. I’ll just be the lonely guy in class with no one to talk to…

  25. Christina says:

    The first time i came to my school i was accepted into everyone’s group and they let me join in on everything. Then they started leaving me out. I tried extremely hard to join a girl group but they just treated me the same as they would “just a girl” I’m always the first one to start a conversation and barely anyone talks to me. I’ve always been nice to people and i think that makes me an easy target. When i was paired up with “my friend” for an english assignment another girl, (who was in the same group as her) said to her “OMG, ARE YOU OK?” “DO YOU WANT ME INSTEAD??!” I was super hurt by this and after coming home i then realised those girls had a private account on instagram and because they are like one of the two groups there are here. I just feel really hurt now because she said that and i was sitting next to the girl she said that to. I’m not diseased, i’m not a strange eccentric person. I like to draw, play music, act and sing (even though i cant sing lol) Now what do i do?? do i just sit and wait around for natural friendships? I really thought this year was going to be different for me.

    • Anon says:

      So I moved schools this past year and I went from a very small private school to a public school where everyone already knew each other. People included me in their groups at first, but I didn’t like them and I don’t think they really liked me that much. I still have no friends there and I feel like a complete loner. I have so much anxiety and I just don’t know what to do. Maybe this coming year will be better. I’ll pray for you; please pray for me. I’m really hoping it’ll be different this year.

  26. Recreating.Smiles says:

    It is really nice reading all these stories, so glad I found this website when I typed up “How to make new friends in the middle of the school year?” I moved to US about 3 years ago and I attended an awesome middle school.I made tons of friends, had something to do over the weekends, and was involved in about everything. Before 9th grade started, my parents decided to move to place with a really good high school. One of my close friends also moved to that school with me. We were really hoping to have the same classes or at least lunch together, but we didn’t. I thought this was a good opportunity to meet new people and make new friends because I am optimistic, kind, and confident. I met a really nice group of people at first. I had lots of fun for a couple of days, but eventually I just felt really left out and ended up ditching them. I joined another group where I knew only a couple of people, but a girl in that group was passively rude to me and I also ended up ditching them. Today, I do have a group, but sometimes it is just uncomfortable to sit with them because they sometimes talk about things I really do not want to get involved in. I also tried too hard to introduce myself corruptly and embarrassed myself when I was trying to make friends with people sitting next to me in class. Most days, I just feel depressed. My close friend who came to this school, understood this and she introduced me to her friends. We all hung out once, and it was awesome :)But, I didn’t have any classes or lunch with those awesome people either.I only have acquaintances and I say hi to people, but I don’t have anyone close who I see regularly.I also joined 4 clubs, but still… I do have hope I will recreate smiles in the future. We are amazing and if people don’t want to be friends with us, they are just missing the beauty of unique shining sparkles. I really hope all of us will find a good group and will be involved 🙂 Smile on and Shine on 🙂

  27. Bobby says:

    Well pretty much year 9 is when high school starts here and i moved from year 8 intermediate which was public to another public school but this one was a out of zone school atleast 25-30kms away and i knew noone there, the first week there some blonde white boy accused me of cheating when i caught him cheating in a test, but he was a local who knew a few people and told everyone that i was a cheater so everyone hated me and didnt want to be my friend. I was good at all sports and proved myself during school sports competitions but still noone liked me and i was bullied for a whole year.

    Year 10 was the same everyone hated me, until 1 guy who was pretty popular stood up for me and became my friend half way through the year, I was happy because he introduced me to popular people for the rest of the year, but i only was involved with them during school time but never invited to hang out or anything.

    Year 11 my 1 friend didnt seem to care as much anymore and i fell away from school time friends too and then rest of the year no friends just plain lonely and that 1 school friend who stood up for me 1 time got kicked out of school for getting into a fight.

    Year 12 also went by as I had people to talk to during school but after school time its literally noone,and I always think that is it that I live far away from school that noone is my friend or that im not from around the school area that im a outsider from a different town or suburb, i also talked to girls as well but those were only talks that ended awkwardly and quickly, year 12 finished and in holidays i literally stayed home and watched movies and stuff, no one to go outside with.

    Now finally its my last year of school and i really want a friends or mates that I can just hang out with or even just a pretty girlfriend that I can express myself with.

    I am 6’3 in height, i have darkish skin colour, i also maintain my looks as well, and try to look like a gentleman but nope noone cares, and im getting frustrated and losing my cool, im not even fat or anything, i have a heavy sports mindset and am healthy, I am strong that I could literally fight anyone im school and beat them, but im like a friendly giant and people take advantage of that.

  28. Jessie or Jessica says:

    I feel somewhat the same way, I’m a freshman this year and I went to private school my entire life. Then I moved to public school in 7th-8th grade where I went to junior high and my dad was offered a job so we moved twenty minutes away and it was a better school system. Though I missed my other friends and still do. So on the first day there was these really nice girls who welcomed me into their group and I really do regret not taking it but instead I hung out with these other girls and they turned out not to be so wholesome. Because I grew up very strict in a Christian school. So there wasn’t really a problem with all that. I was sheltered and there was not very many girls in my grade. But I wish I would have stayed with those other girls and got to know them but I can’t change that now. So one of really good friends I made ended up moving away so it was hard because she was a really nice girl. Then I ended up getting a boyfriend so I feel like I pushed some of my “friends” away and I feel like if I broke up with my boyfriend I wouldn’t really have anyone but my one friend Brooke that hangs out with us so I kind of feel trapped. Also I feel like the girls that welcomed me in at first would think I was weird if I all of a sudden started talking to them at break and joined in their group when I haven’t talked to them since the beginning of the school year. It’s never been hard for me to make friends and I’ve always been incredibly shy. So I don’t really have very many friends right now but I’m praying and trying. Though sometimes I get very discouraged but, I’m gettting up and I trusting that Gods going to send me someone. A man that hath friends must show himself friendly… -Proverbs 18:24

  29. Indiana says:

    I feel the same way! except I’m only starting as freshman. I like to read, I’m quite intelligent and I’m quite a lot more mature than my peers. I know people and I’ll nod to them and say hi and sometimes walk between classes with them. Except I’m not close with anyone. I guess that is due to the fact that everybody already had friend groups since middle school whereas I did not. I’m a quiet person and I’m sometimes painfully shy. I find it hard to talk to others I Don’t know so making new friends is definitely a challenge. I feel so low and miserable when I have to eat lunch alone and sometimes I just feel like crying at school. I haven’t yet but I’ve been pretty close, not that I’m being bullied, just by the fact that I’m alone is quite saddening. I honestly don’t know what to do

  30. FakeName says:

    Same here. Except I’ve been at the same school since prep. When I was younger I was really socially behind I guess, since all I did before that was fight with my brother, and so I did a lot of stupid sht. I’m in year 10 now, surrounded by people who either hold grudges or just don’t want too get involved with me. I have “friends” but even then they always start drama and everyday is just a constant stress of “will I be kicked out next?” Bc they’re the only new girls and without them I’ve got no one. It took three whole years to get myself this little fake group. Even with this I still have no one to sit with in class and go places outta school. I really want a fresh start, to be a clean slate, but I go to a pretty privileged school and don’t want my future to suffer from my own incapabilities. So yeah, just another sob story to go with the rest. No advice to offer really, I’ve tried but honestly there’s only so much you can change.

  31. Lil says:

    I feel the same way freshman through Sophmore year I had a group of friends. But it wasn’t a real one. I had one best friend, and she was the only one in the group I could connect. So basically, I didn’t have any friends. Plus they would all turn against me, at least, every six months. She was also strangely controlling, and I felt like with her friendship I was unable ever to branch out. Even when she hung out with new friends, I wouldn’t be invited to chill too. I was terrified, but, I had to distance myself. I still ate lunch with my old group, but I started branching out. Sophomore year I met a girl who would become my “best friend” for the rest of highschool, but I always felt distant from her. She was popular and would bring me to parties. I also became best friends with a girl who would disappear mid-Junior year to go to boarding school. What was worse was I brought her to hang out with my old friends and they told her all these mean things about me. Soon Junior year I had developed a whole network of friends people who wanted me to take them to parties in the grade below (red flag btw). People who wanted me to take them to parties in the class above (another red flag). I still ate lunch wth my old friends, but we were less connected. Some random popular kids who wanted to be my friend in my grade (though I never put any effort into those relationships). Oh and I forgot to mention I had six years worth of camp friends too. Then that summer I didn’t go back to camp and I went away that summer. I had however finally told the controlling girl I was done. I hung out with my new best friend almost every day. Then I got into trouble and got grounded for the rest of the summer. All of a sudden, I lost my connection with everyone. Maybe I was feeling guilty. Ove the first half of senior year I lost my upperclassmen friends (college), my underclassmen friends (lack of drivers license and parties), the glamor pack (couldn’t text them regularly). Then my very old friend came back from boarding school, and I felt so happy. However, I lost her too (me being entitled). Then I had a chance with the girl I ditched she ended up uninviting from her birthday party. I hang out with my other close friend sometimes, but I choose the underclassmen over her because we had the same lunch period and I’m now sitting alone in the library. I fear she is mad at me. But she also excluded me from her prom bus which I think is odd. Anyway that’s how you go from rags to riches to rags folks. What is wrong with me?! I’m a second-semester senior with no friends!

  32. Edel says:

    Reading these was so amazing because all your stories are like mine! In Australia year 7 and 8 are in high school however I did year 7 at a separate school and just finished grade 8 at this new high school. I knew nobody and I developed some very close friendships but they all ended because of bitchiness/popularity divide so for the last half of the year I felt completely lonely. My personality is exactly like Marcie and I’m back at grade 9 at the same school and the feeling is back. I have a couple of friends but all of them have another group they wanna hang out with and Im constantly left lonely. It sucks. I feel so depressed and Im thinking of changing schools/homeschooling since I can’t put up with it much longer – my mum agrees. What should I do? I try and make friends and Im really nice to everybody around me but nobody wants to be friends with me back!

  33. Lolly says:

    Hey you’re definitely not the only one… I feel horribly alone in school too and always have. If I become friends with someone, I would still never be seen hanging out with at lunch time or break time, so I have to eat alone and its so frustrating. I’m kind and friendly to everyone but I just don’t know what to do anymore… I feel like I’ll never have close friends and I’m 16. I’m constantly blinking back tears in school, I just want the day to be over quickly. When I’m alone in school, I like to read- it really takes my mind off how anxious and low I feel.

  34. Lewis says:

    I’ve got the same problem at school at the moment. I do a lot of activities, I’m not super popular but I’m not one of the strange kids and i’m always really nice to people. I’ve been at the same school for 6 years now and I’ve found recently that I don’t have a group of people to hang out with. People think i’m nice and I’ve got some friends but I’m not close to anyone. It has really started to get to me this past year and I get sad all the time. I’ve got almost no self-esteem and I just don’t seem to be able to connect with new people. I get really nervous trying to meet people and just don’t seem to be able to fit in anywhere. I get really depressed and don’t know what to do.

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