• Other Friendship Advice
Welcome Box
Ask the Friendship Doctor

No friends in high school: What am I doing wrong?

November 10, 2012 | By | 104 Replies Continue Reading
The high school years are often lonely for many young people.

QUESTION

Hi Irene,

I have never written to you, or any other site like this before, so I am very new at this. But I thought I would give it a try, thinking maybe some outside help/views on my situation would give me a new perspective on things.

I am 16 years old. I’m not shy, introverted, or “nerdy” per say, but I am intelligent, not dumb. In fact, I’m quite outgoing, always trying to put myself out there, putting 100 percent into everything I do. I’m silly and fun, very positive and optimistic, individualistic, always being my own person. Just to give you more of a picture, not because I’m self-involved or anything, I’m not “ugly” or anything. (I’m sorry for using that word.)

I’m nice, inclusive, and enthusiastic but I’m facing this problem that is starting to make me feel so depressed: I don’t have any friends. In middle school, I faced the normal crap that evil children everywhere seem to put on others, which is why I was excited to go to a high school where I knew absolutely no one, to start fresh. A very brave move: going from a private school knowing the same 60 people your whole life, to public school with 1300 kids, knowing not one face or name. But I was ready to take that step, in hopes that I would find a group of friends that I would stay close with for a long time.

Grade nine hit and I got involved. I like taking on leadership roles and being a part of something greater than me to be the best person I can be (even though it sounds cheesy) but I think that is how you grow. I auditioned as a dancer (dance is my passion) in the fashion show at my school, and later that year I ran for Junior Vice President of student council, which I won. I thought to myself this is great: People voted for me because they like me. Things will only get better from here.

Grade 10 hit. I was Junior Vice President (JVP), I was a dancer again in the fashion show, and because I was JVP, I organized an entire charity week where we raise $51, 000 dollars for the school. I spoke in front of crowds very often, so public speaking became very easy for me. Unfortunately I got a spine problem and had to quit dance, but I still remained in fashion show. But, nothing happened. Still no friends in school. No connections. Just acquaintances and hellos in the hallways.

Many lonely weekends later, its grade 11. Now I’m in the same position I was in in grade nine. No real friends. And that amazes me. I see people who are new to the school and they make friends and are in a group RIGHT away yet I can’t. After everything. And I just don’t get it. I don’t get why it hasn’t gotten better, and I don’t get why I can’t seem to make friends. I go to school and I have no one to talk to really, no one to eat lunch with, and I feel so alone. But there’s nothing “wrong ” with me and I’m getting just so….sad.

I know this will be just a spot on the big canvas when I’m older, but its so hard not to focus on it right now, because whether I like it or not, this high school crap is pretty prevalent in a teenager’s life. I just want some friends. And I just want to have fun. And I don’t know, what I’m going to do. I need your advice. It’s Saturday night and I’m crying alone in my bed.

Signed, Marcie

ANSWER

Hi Marcie,

Thanks for writing. I can’t even begin to guess why you can’t make friends. I know it can be hard to enter a public school system when people have known each other for years. I know that teens can be mean when someone is different in any way, even if they have exceptional talents.

My first suggestion would be that you speak to a trusting adult closer to home, perhaps a guidance counselor in your school or a teacher whom you respect to ask for a more informed perspective on what could be causing your difficulties.

Also, have you tried reaching out to people one-on-one, perhaps inviting someone to go to a movie with you or to go shopping? Are there groups that you can join either after school or outside of school that might put you in contact with different kids? Do you have the time to pursue a part-time job, perhaps a sales position where other young people would be working with you side by side?

Take things slowly a step at a time. You don’t need a whole group but it would be nice to connect with one friend at a time.

You really have me stumped. I wonder if any other readers, either your age or older have any ideas. Your letter really made me feel for you. You have a wonderful gift for writing and seem to be mature beyond your years. It is great that you recognize that your situation is time-limited and common among teenagers.

My best, Irene

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Category: Teen friendships

Comments (104)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

Sites That Link to this Post

  1. Sitting alone at the high school lunch table : The Friendship Blog | August 7, 2014
  1. Nicky says:

    i am making no freinds in the school i am currently in i am trying but no one will talk to me i feel like i dont fit in and i am getting sick every time i go to school please help me i really want to move schools what do i do i feel like a spare wheel

    • Amanda says:

      I TOTALLY understand. I dont know your type of personality or what youre like, but i will type under the assumption that you are a typical female teen that wears hollister and/or vans and converses with skinny jeans (for example). I will also assume that you are outgoing and not introverted or shy, because if thats your case, then you KNOW what the problem is. It would be you.

      I am approachable and a normal girl who is confident. I have 0 friends and with every effort i make, no one i’d wanna be friends with will give me the light of day.

      I mean, this new girl already made tons and people were giving her rides to events! Wth!
      And im here literally chatting away with people which feels like trying to get a 5,000 pound boulder to move. They wont budge.

      Ive actually tried many times to befriend this new girl but the funny thing is, in the group we’re in, im ignighting the convos and she targets the other girls to converse with. In fact, they start talking over me….. What am i doing wrong?

      But, what ive come to terms with is that you shouldn’t pursue something not worth chasing. If these people just dont talk to you on the several occasions you tried, whos to say that they will tomorrow, or ever? Theyve had their chance, obviously. And they opted to NOT talk to or get to know you!

      I know its hard being alone. I have been for 3 years. We dont have the same background story to our scenarios but if you are determined to make friends, dont seem pushy or needy but get yourself in a position where the people will at least have to say something to you in a better time, like luch. Lunch is social time unlike class so at that point you will leave yourself open. You can literally even walk to every table.

      But don’t look glum if you get rejected so no one else sees it. Just give the “whatever” attitude if they push you away.

      For me, I’ve made “making friends” not a goal of mine anymore. If thats not a goal then i wont feel sad or mad that i didnt reach it since i wasnt trying to. Hope i helped.

    • Lexie says:

      If its that bad to where you don’t want to go to school I’d say talk to your parents and possibly try to go to a smaller school. Smaller schools tend to be WAY more close knit and it’ll be easier to make friends.

  2. Veronica says:

    Hello, my name is Veronica. I just started a new school, but here is my history. Im actually from Mexico and we moved to the United States about 2 years ago, when I first got here, I was so scared of a school with a new culture, new people, new language, but by the time was passing, I got really happy in there. In my sophomore year(first year), I made some friends just like me that had moved recently to USA, but then, one for one was getting away, most of them moved back to Mexico leaving me alone again, then I met my boyfriend, I actually spend my whole Junior year with him, we are still together, but the thing is that my parent bought a house not in the same district, so sadly I had to switch school. Im now a senior in a new and complete different school in which I know no one, I got a friend the first week, but as same in my sophomore year, she left to Mexico again. Im alone every day and I dont feel happy. I have been crying for the past 2 weeks and I just want to go back to my old school. I have try really hard, but I dont have any more option to choose. I dont know how to make friends because I still dont speak very good the language, and this is awkward to say, but I’ve been looking at a group of girls to try to be part of them, but I just dont know how to make the first step, I feel like it would be weird to just go and say ”Hi”. Im just tired of being alone and cry every single day.
    I dont want to waste any of your time, but I just need someone to understand me and give me some strengh.
    Thank you.

    • Amanda says:

      Your solution would be to stop befriending immigrants or Mexicans. I take it you know english since you typed this? They are always moving back right? Whats the point of moving to the U.S. If you’re gonna stick with the same type of people? Make friends with actual americans that you know wont be moving to another country anytime soon. Its like my school in a way, the latino immigrants stick together and don’t venture out.

  3. Drew says:

    Hi my name is Drew. I’m having trouble making friends at my school. But here’s the catch I’ve been with these kids for years untill middle school started. That’s when this all began and I had trouble making friends with all the townships colliding into one school. That was middle school. I was shy in middle school and sat with people that I thought were friends. But they ended up always getting annoyed by me. They also throw food at me. Idk it’s like sometimes they liked me then they didn’t. So I knew they weren’t a “true” friend. I stayed to myself in middle school and didn’t have many friends. Well I kinda did but it’s hard to explain. You might. Know what I mean if you’ve talked to someone or maybe even experienced this yourself. Then high school came which started Thursday. Freshman year. September 4th 2014. The first day was ok. But I still didn’t have any close friends or enough friends. Therefore I would most likely have a friend in a class. But I really didn’t. I talk quiet to others when teachers are talking because idk why but I feel bad interrupting. I get nervous when I go into a class of kids that I think are going to pick on me. I get so self conscious. I feel like if I try to act cool they will just shut me up or maybe even make me look stupid and a loser. I almost feel like a loner.. At lunch we don’t have much kids. Only like 7 in my lunch and I sit with the girls instead of guys because I’m socially awkward around guys and sometimes girls. I feel like the girls I’m sitting with talk to me but only when I talk to them.. It’s like people don’t talk to me unless I talk to them.. Like I said when I’m around cool people I feel like they might beat me up. I get this nervous feeling it’s so hard to explain. Like today I accidentally went into the wrong class twice because high school is different and it’s only my second day ass freshman. I feel so lonely and I have friends but idk if they are true and I don’t have a best friend. It’s like hard to explain. Plz someone help I’m getting upset and depressed and my parents don’t know about this. It’s been like this for 3 years. And like I said I’ve been to this same school. Same name just different grade. Btw I’m when I talk to people I bring random topics up and it’s hard to talk because I get so nervous. When I try to look in people’s eyes it’s hard because I’m nervous. My hands get all gloomy too. They get rashy. I feel like I might be socially awkward and it’s tough. :'( Also I have unibrow and I feel ugly.. But I’m not fat and I’ve been working out. I always try to get my unibrow waxed because I feel like I’m ugly.. I also have a mustache. I try to shave it all the time. And I’m only a freshman. I also have a long neck.. I look so ugly. But yeah.. I don’t think it has to do with looks though I think I might be naturally socially awkward and don’t talk a lot. It’s weird though because I would talk to my parents and sister all the time like a normal person that’s not socially awkward. Plz help me and tell me what to do to fit in and make friends. I’m a loner. :'( – Drew. Ps I try to hold my crying in so my parents don’t know that I really don’t have friends..

    • Stephanie says:

      Hey Drew,
      I totally understand what you are going through as a freshman in high school. I am kind of in the same situation as I am about to transfer into a whole new school district for sophomore year despite that I plan on having a bright year in a new, diverse environment. In a way, you remind me of who I used to be. One way to overcome being socially awkward is not worry about what other people are doing or thinking about. As people, we have no control over that. No matter who you are or how you look, people will still judge you. That only proves that nobody’s perfect. Just be yourself and reach out to people. That way, you’ll be sure to make true friends. And if you have any trouble communicating with others, talk about yourself. That tells other people that you want to be open with them and really want to have friends. Also, feel free to ask other people questions as well.

      Another way to tackle your situation is to stay confident in yourself. When you act confident it brings positive attention toward you. It’s just that positive vibe that brings your personality to life; you also improve your self esteem when you choose to think positive of yourself.

      The last major piece of advice I can give to you is to reach out to an adult. Your not doing yourself much justice when you hold in your problems. They might be able to help you personally and/or effectively solve your communication problems and you’ll feel a ton better just by simply letting your feelings go. You should really try speaking with your parents or siblings to build your trust and relationship. If not, you will really benefit from scheduling a time to speak with your school counselor about your situation.

      I sure hope I helped you out because I know you can fight through it. Just trust in yourself and never settle for less than your best. Don’t forget that you must love yourself before you try to look for other people to love you. Your are unique, and you do have a purpose in this world. If you plan on finding it, you must explore yourself even you you have to go outside your comfort zone. Never settle!

      Sincerely,

      Stephanie

    • R. says:

      I’m in fourth year university and I also find myself with very few friends. You must remember that being happy is a choice, an endeavour…. there will always be many factors working against you and you may find that nobody recognizes your efforts. But at the end of the day it’s only you who can decide to view things in a positive or a defeated light. I find myself struggling with self-loathing and inadequacy just as much now as I did in high school.
      I’m still not cool (we could always be more popular, more attractive), but I’ve seen that a small proportion of people seem to really respect the lifestyle I choose to live for myself and truly appreciate me, so keep being true to your real desires and eventually that 1% or so will come around Drew!!!!!

    • anusha says:

      I’m a ninth grader just like. You but if. You want someone to talk to I’ll be happy if you talked to me

  4. Eva says:

    Even thought it’s awful, it gives me a little relief that there are other people out there that are struggling through situations like this… I’m 16 and I transferred to a new high school this year. Due to anxiety and low esteem in my appearance I’ve barely attended school and may have to repeat the year… Everyday I don’t go just makes it harder because the months of isolation with only myself as company are really getting to me, and not getting any outside input has warped my thinking, everyday I just feel more disgusting and depressed. When I do go to school I feel so judged because I honestly show up once every 2 or so weeks and feel like I’m viewed as lazy and a slacker.. I also feel so anxious because it’s almost the end of the year and I haven’t achieved anything in school and have no friends. My friends from my old school have forgotten about me and going to school is so hard for me because I have no friends here. Everyday I end up trying to resist the temptation to cut myself because the only thing I’ve accomplished this year is being 6 months clean… My mother doesn’t have time for me and my dad jokes about the fact that I’m bisexual and a questioning transgender – he is very insensitive and thinks its funny even thought I’ve made it very clear it makes me uncomfortable. All around I have STRONG suicidal thoughts with no one to talk about it.. I’ve tried multiple help lines but they didn’t do it for me and the therapists my parents shoot me off to every so often so they’ve done their weekly good deed don’t help one iota. I’m not looking for someone to talk about my depression, I just want someone I can talk to and joke with. People online tell me I’m beautiful and funny but if that’s true then why am I ignored by my family and made to feel invisible?!? I can’t even go to the shops or the park because going outside with all the people looking at me is too much for me. I want to get out of this hole and get on with my life, but I don’t know how.

    • Amy F says:

      Hi Eva,
      I’m glad you posted. I’m sorry life is so difficult right now, I can understand why you feel overwhelmed. I’m a teen therapist. Every therapist I’ve met through school and work goes into the profession because we want to help people have better lives. We don’t think we’re doing good deeds, but being let into clients’ lives and helpings them find solutions to their troubles is a privilege that we take seriously.

      The most important factor to successful therapy, is the relationship between client and therapist. You won’t fit well with every therapist, because personality comes into play. Communicating with your therapist about what is and isn’t working is the way you’ll work best together. It might feel scary at first, but a good therapist will welcome your feedback so she can better help you. When you talk about you is and isn’t helpful, you also practice a skill that is helpful in every relationship- friends, family, teachers, bosses, boy/girlfriends.

      I’m concerned about your suicidal and self injurious thoughts and feelings. Telling your parents and your therapist is very important. Please do this right away. Here is a great hotline where you can get help by phone, text or chat:

      http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now The Trevor Project is a wonderful organization that helps LBGT teens who are in trouble, runaway, suicidal, or just need to talk.

      Making friends while depressed is challenging. Kids are attracted to people who reach out, show interest, smile, and enjoy life, the exact opposite of how you feel when depressed. There’s a saying:,Fake it until you make it. That means sometimes pretending to be happy in situations with potential friends can get you what you want.

      School is your best opportunity for meeting people and making friends, and being there every day will be helpful. If someone wants to be your friend, but never knows whether you’ll be in school, she might lose interest. I’m so impressed that you realize avoiding school makes your anxiety worse. You probably also know that the first few times you go every day might be difficult and nerve wracking. Remembering that it will become easier will be helpful. If you tell yourself you’re going to attend, don’t give yourself an out by saying “I’ll go to school unless I’m really nervous.” An out makes avoidance easier. Get your parents to help by making sure they refuse to let you stay home.

      Good luck. Please write back and let us know how you’re doing.

  5. Gisella Pramesti says:

    Hi, I just transferred from overseas. I’m a new student and a senior (probably the worst time to be a new kid). I just finished my first day of school today, and it didn’t go as planned. Because there are so many people in my school, I don’t stick out so nobody came up to me in class to say hi. A bunch of people thought I was a freshman because I kept going around the school struggling to find my classes with a badly-drawn on map. I only managed to talk to 2 people in my class, but that was only because the teacher made us talk to someone who sat behind or next to us. As soon as I’m finished talking with them, they turn around and talk to their friends, leaving me all alone. I’m a really nice girl, I mean I’m super outgoing and I’m a people person – but I’m super shy at first. No one is making any effort to say hi and it seems like everyone already found their place. I spent my lunch wandering the halls, calling my parents while crying in the bathroom, then finally sitting alone. I tried to sit with these two girls and they were nice and all but they went on talking about some I didn’t know without me. I feel so alone right now, it’s terrible. I never quite fit in in my old school either, but I had a group of friends that I could count on. I’m not looking to be popular, I just need friends. I’m so sad and scared I can’t sleep at night and I feel like having a heart attack every morning on my way to school. The day just drags on really long and I don’t talk to anyone in class. Even if I try they only answer shortly and then they talk to someone else. It would be nice to talk and relate to someone here who is experiencing the same things that I am. I am dreading my first day, first week, and the rest of the year. My classes are all also really confusing and extremely fast-paced, so I feel extremely dumb all the time. The only thing that seriously keeps me going is the fact that there’s only 10 months left of school and then I graduate. I feel so scared idk what to do help me. :( :(

    If anyone wants to talk to me please do so! I would love to at least have a friend on here who has the same experiences as me. :(

    • Jenny says:

      Hey Gisella, im in my sophomore year and I just transferred schools too. Today was my first day of school and it was not what I was prepared for either. I used to go to a school where I could depend on my close group of friends but for some reasons I transferred thinking it would be a ‘fresh start’ but now im dreading it. I have nobody except for myself and im pretty miserable now. Just like you, I talked to two people because we were forced to talk and introduce each other.. I feel exactly what you are feeling! I got home today and just started crying for hours. Thinking about how many months left scares me and im terrified too but its worse for me cause I have three years left of it :( hopefully it’ll get better as time goes on. Im feeling so much regret of transferring and I wish I could wake up from this nightmare even though its reality. I wish I had my friends from before.. best of luck to the both us, at least high school doesn’t last forever

      • Amanda says:

        -i apologize for grammatical, spelling and “punctuation in advance, im half asleep and typing away on my ipod-

        Oh my gosh, im a sophomore too. VERY outgoing, open, nice, stylish. I walk with confidence.

        Ive been in my district since kindergarden, the only time i moved was when i graduated my first (got held back for some reason i dont know, i mean, i graduated) kindergarden class and moved to a new town. At 5, we dont think about starting fresh and all that stuff, so it was little ol’ me. I WAS very shy, but i became myself and by the time middle school came, i was the wildest person.

        Middle school is another chance you get to make friends because its ALL the towns elementary school coming together. Well, i REALLY wanted to be popular. I even made a step-bu-step list on what i needed to do. Things didnt go well. I had “friends”, but to be honest, they werent even people id wanna be seen out with. I just wanted to have someone. But even though i didnt like their type, i was loyal.

        I felt like i had LOADS of friends but when i really thought about it, i only hung out with like 5 people.

        I remeber when this nice girl asked me how many friends i had. I lied and made up a number i thougt was big. I said “13” and she was like, “THIRTEEN? Thats it?” Yikes. I reaponded with, “well, no, 13 on the pink team.” (Our middle school was divided into 4 colored teams)

        Anyways, i became this outcast. All because this one EXTREMELY popular and mean girl got everyone to hate me. I mean, people i didnt even know would say something about me when i passed them in the hall.

        Til now, im still that outcast. Im still super confident, im still outgoing, but seems like everyone is still so obsessed with being “cool” that they cant forget my bad reputation and just be nice to me.

        Ive tried to befriend the nice, but not awkwardly-antisocial-nerdy-no life-loser, crowd but when they learn everyone else hates me, they stop talking to me.

        In life, Preschool, kindergarden, and first year of middle school are the only chances you get to make friends, as for eveyone else is trying to make friends and form their cliques.

        After that, eveyone is closed shut and not open to making new friends. They have already made their “for life” and “Friends til the end” groups.

        They feel life they already have the friends they need. Everyone knows everyone already, if they wanted to get to know you, they would have already.

        The only way someone makes a new friend is through mutal relationships.

        My point is, i am COMPLETELY alone too. But, sorry to say, you had the chance. You are new. But then again, its a big school and no one knows if youre new or not. Nor do they care.

        I get you, the teacher makes you do some sort of ice breaker, and when she/he says we’re done, everyone goes back to talking to their friends.

        If you try to engage in the convo, you might come off as rude, weird or desperate. And when they DO let you in, they start talking about other friends or people of theirs that you dont know. And you cant say anything because you dont know them!

        I understand them too, long time friends arent gonna stop their convo topic to ask about your life. They arent gonna bend over backwards to be ONE persons friend when they have thousands of others.

        I have NO acquaintances, no people i can say “hey” to in the hallway. NO ONE. Its not that bad during class, but when lunch time comes, im just about ready to implode.

        As confident and cocky as i make myself sound, it still hurts me. I take my time to the lunch area and then slip into the bathroom for an hour. Yep, an hour.

        They extended the lunch duration before i even got to highschool.

        Imagine walking aroind in the bathroom for that long. When the same groups of friends make their usual trip to the bathroom and see me everytime alone, they eventually come to the comclusion that i have no friends. Yes, its embarrassing, but what can i do?

        My school doesnt allow us to freely walk around the school during lunch, we have to stay in either of the 3 cafeterias or socialize in the hallways right outside the cafes. And were monitored by teachers. Every hallway in monitored.

        I dont eat (never hungry by the time luch comes anyway) lunch and would rather stay in the bathroom than sit at a table alone out in the open for everyone to judge me and see me as a loser.

        I mean, at least let people wonder about me…

        I dont even have wifi on my phone so what can i even do? Pretending to be engaged in your electronic device is pretty obvious.

        Girls in my school are just really slu**y and mean. There are nice ones but they are influenced by others and wont try to talk to me in fear of being “uncool”.

        Even the losers and nerds habe their own cliques. Its sort of false that nerds have no friends, because their are other nerds as well.

        Ive been alone for about 4 years total now.

        I went through it but lunch was never as long as my highschools luch. It was always about 25 minutes.

        I wish i could befriend almost all you suggering the same thing. Not only is school and panicking heart attack, but i wanna have fun outside of school too!

        Havnt been to the movies sincd i was 8 because i have no one to go with. I dont even have good relationships with my cousin.

        Actually, i literally have NO ONE in my LIFE. Me and my brother dont talk. My father used to (and still) abuse me. My mother is the only that “talks” to me. We dont have a good relationship either but the only time we talk is when i need a ride, money or something related to appointments and school.

        She only “talks” to me when she wants me to do something or when she decides to play Parent for a dew seconds ans asks me how my day was.

        So if i were stranded and needed help, i would have no one to call. My life is boring. If i didnt talk to my mom at all and particpation was not required in school, i probably would never talk at all (besides doctor appointments and such).

        My life is hard. Its boring. Its bad. There is nothing i can do but get over it and get through it.

        • Uriel Aracena says:

          Hey, Well I guess I’m in the same perdicament as you except it’s just that Im in a new school, cause I didnt like my old one, but people at my new school dont really hate no one they just go about their day but most of everyone have friends there and im in a school of about 1800 students, yea Im not even allowed to bring electronics to the school so thats another buzz kill and lunch is literally about an hour so Im just the only one standing outside the caffateria waiting for lunch to be done, well over all I don’t really have friends but I manage with it, what school do you go to?

          • Jenny says:

            Hey guys! Its been a couple days since i last commented up there but I realized that you really have to get out of your bubble and go up to different people and ask if you can eat lunch with them. I know it’s kind of awkward at first seeing that they have their own tight group of friends but that wont necessarily stop the from adding new members to their group! Even if they do say no then it’s fine, but it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, just move on to the next group you see in the cafeteria! I am super introverted and all my life I always went to the same school as my bff so I never knew how to open up but now that i actually took the chance, I have a lot of new friends and a new group to eat lunch with! If that doesn’t work out then just know that it does not make you a loser for eating alone, it just gives you more time to go and do some hobbies like fashion designing, improving your drawing, or finding a new talent in something! I feel like I have really learned a lot about myself while I was alone and noticed that I am pretty good at somethings that I have never done before! It’s hard to feel comfortable but my tip is to try and adapt to the environment of the certain group and try to fit in, then later when you are more comfortable you can open yourself up to the group. It’s a matter of how much effort you put in to putting yourself out there and really trying hard. For me I stopped thinking about my fear of rejection, I put 250 percent into everything i’ve got to have enough confidence to ask people and meet them (it felt like I was sick when I was being outgoing since im so shy) but it pays off! But it does take time to make friends so don’t give up! Keep trying and if not, drink some tea (or your own favourite drink), listen to some nice music and do your own stuff during lunch, I improved my art skills that way :) Good luck guys!!!

        • Lexie says:

          Did you really just call a group of people losers? No offense, but that could be a possibility as to why you dont have friends or people who want to talk to you. More than often people can sense how you view them or view others. Im not the type of person who hangs out with someone who thinks of someone else as a nerd or a loser and most people dont. Perhaps if you tried viewing the people at your school without labels then you might have someone who approaches you. You just have to make a real effort towards people and never pretend to be something you’re not (otherwise your friends aren’t REAL). Another thing is, there’s probably someone else in the school whose just like you and without friends. See if you can spot them, because they also want a friend too and they just might be really shy. I noticed one girl in photography class who doesnt talk to anyone so I walked up to her, complimented her bookbag, and now we constantly talk to each other in photography. She’s really down to earth and funny, but she just happens to be shy. Try it, you never know who you might meet.

          • Amanda says:

            Yes, i did. I did so it could be understood what type of people i meant. The weird and socially awkward people.

            And i explained why i dont have friends. When everyone was sort of new to eachother i made talk-to’s quickly but as rumors went about, they all left me. And please, im not the snobby one youre making me seem nor am i introverted, shy or anything like that.

            Some people actually tell me how shocked they are that i dont have friends because of how outgoing and straightforward i am.

            I cant just go up to people, my school isnt like that. Its almost like they have a chip in them programming them to all act the same. I live in a decent suburban part of town, yet inside my school is the total opposite.

    • Amy F says:

      Hi Gisella,

      I can only imagine how hard moving in your senior year must be. Hopefully by tomorrow you’ll be able to find your way around better, no senior wants to be mistaken for a freshman, unless it’s a college freshman.

      You’re super outgoing, but nobody in your school knows yet. You have to show your new classmates the real-you, not the shy-you that started school today. One of the common worries I hear from students in new schools is, “nobody talked to me.” When younger students are new, the teacher introduces the child and the new kid is exciting and interesting. Teenagers are much more into their friends, their dates, and themselves. The solution is for you to be more proactive.

      Rather than expecting others to come to you and befriend you, you’re going to have to introduce yourself and be more outgoing than you usually are with new people. The first few days of a new year are the perfect time to do that. You already took a big first step by asking girls if you could sit with them. While you feel disappointed they didn’t talk to you, you were still out there trying, even though you felt uncomfortable. I’m so glad you sat with them, even if lunch didn’t turn out ideally.

      Tomorrow is a new day. Do you want to sit with the same girls and try again? If you want to try new people, you might look for a small group of three or more kids, since sometimes they are more inviting than twosomes. Rather than just asking if you could occupy the empty seat, you might try something more informative. “Hi, I’m Gisella. I’m new, we just moved from X and I don’t know anyone. Can I sit with you guys?”

      Don’t expect the conversation to revolve around you, although the group might be very inviting and ask questions. Try observing the interactions, making eye contact and appropriate facial gestures to show you’re friendly and interested. You might occasionally make a comment about the discussion, “I hate when that happens,” or “I love that music” or “Yeah, that looks like a tough class.” Observe how the group interacts, how they communicate, and how they respond to each other. Slowly, as you see the dynamics of the group, start talking more. Sometimes asking a question about a teacher is a good start, or you can ask what kids in your town do on the weekends. Be sure not to ask yes and no answer questions, because the conversation shuts down.

      You have everything you need to make friends, as long as you challenge yourself to act like the outgoing you, even when you’re nervous.

      Good luck.

    • olivia says:

      i’m so glad i found this forum. i just started my junior year of high school a week ago and it’s quite sucky. i have what one would call “friends”, but i find it really hard to connect with people and thus my relationships with these friends are weaker than ever. in my classes and in other social situations i’m incredibly shy. i always criticize myself about what i might say during a conversation and end up not saying anything at all – truly a “wallflower” type. there are very few people that i believe actually listen to and value what i say. i haven’t made a new friend in at least two years. there are people i talk to and i don’t eat lunch alone, but it’s almost impossible for me to ask someone to hang out outside of school – it always has to be the other person, hence why i never really do anything on the weekends and i get quite sad. i’ve had one romantic relationship which was great for a while – they were the only person that made me feel truly cared about – but after a month or two they started to push me away until there was nothing left. i have no confidence and i’m scared that by senior year i’ll have nobody. i wish i wasn’t so damn shy.

    • Alexandra says:

      Hi Gisela :)
      I can say that I completely understand you.. Last year I came to England from another country and I went to new school without knowing anyone there. I was hoping that I will find new friends but it didn’t work out. When I was thinking that I finally found them they leave me after short time and find another friends…
      I have some people which I talk with on classes but they already have their groups.
      I have no one to talk to so everyday on lunch time I’m hiding in library pretending that I’m working because I feel so shameful about being alone and have no friends…
      I just can’t keep it inside me anymore, I cry many times because I think there is nothing wrong with me, I’m smart, friendly I like laugh an talk a lot and I’m not ” ugly” sorry for using that word… but I’m still alone.
      Alexandra

  6. Lexie says:

    I’m going into my second year of high school and I have no friends whatsoever, because of constant moving. I have a very hard time getting comfortable anywhere, I’m a bit of introvert which makes matters harder. I’ve tried putting myself out there but it just turns out awkward. It’s not like I can’t make friends at all, it’s more of that I can’t keep any and during my first few months of school, I spend my time sitting by myself. I hate it and slowly go back into depression. I’ve expressed the issue of moving and constantly switching schools to my parents. My father easily dismisses it and my mother says nothing to help. My father is someone who prefers to be alone, but people(even animals) are drawn to him, so I understand why he doesn’t get it. However we move due to his job (which is a traveling job) and he’s not the one whose constantly alone at school and at home. I spend most of my weekends by myself in my room listening to music. The first time I moved was in elementary school and I had managed to make three best friends and accidentally invite one over which was how I found out that I couldn’t invite people over to our house, because my parents didn’t like to clean or put any of their things away. Then I moved again several times in elementary school. For middle school I got lucky and stayed for the whole way. I was so excited to go to high school with my friends. I had managed to make a really close friend who I could almost call my best friend. But then my father and my mother decided on their own, without me that I’d be going to a completely different school. They’d forged my ‘signature’ on papers that I’m suppose to sign to go to the school, because they believed it was a better one. Turns out…not really. The teachers were horrible and rude, plus their was so much work that I just simply couldn’t do. I ended up partly through the year giving up on my work because I couldn’t handle that much work. I told them this too, and they just ignored what I said. For a minute though I was happy because I was able to make friends again, AND my Dad got a job in Utah. So we had to move states. Personally I hate Utah. The weather out here makes it hard for me to breath, I have no friends and there’s no diversity out here. (No offense to anyone, but I have a hard time relating to most white girls who are my age in Utah…All they talk about is kim kardishian…Why?!) Found out we’re moving back to the state I had lived in and I have the choice of going back to the school I was in or going to the school I had wanted to the whole entire time. I definitely don’t want to go to the school I was in, but it’s the only place I have any still existing friends. I don’t want to be alone anymore either…The school I wanted to go to is where I originally wanted to go to, but everyone I had even the slightest friendship with has moved on into a new circle. It really sucks too. I’m also not sure what to do about my 16th birthday which is coming up soon… I wanted to be with friends, but I might not be able to do that at all.. What should I do?

    • Amy F says:

      Hi Lexie,
      I can surely understand why you’re confused and stressed about yet another new or new-old school and once again trying to make friends, I also think you’ve got some other difficulties that you may or may not have identified as contributing to your depression.

      1. Moving is hard, even when you are the one who decided to move and you’re relocating for a positive reason. Moving can be traumatic when other people have made all the decisions. Constantly moving just compounds the difficulty.

      Fortunately, you won’t have to wait long until you’re an adult, you can go away to college and you can make more decisions about your circumstances.

      2. There seems to be a lack of healthy communication in your family.

      Yours isn’t the only family who doesn’t communicate effectively, but that doesn’t make things easier for you. I think you’re great for continuing to express your feelings and wishes. Advocating for yourself is so important, even if the results aren’t what you want.

      3. Introversion is an additional challenge to making friends. You’ll take a bit longer then others, but the positive side of taking longer means you probably make better choices than most girls your age.

      4. The situation in your home- I’m not sure the extent of the problem. I do know disorganized and unkempt living spaces add to stress and anxiety.

      5. Because of the situation in your home, you’re either not allowed or too embarrassed to entertain friends there. Yet another challenge, since you can’t make the first move and invite someone over after school or on the weekend.

      Just one of these difficulties is hard to cope with.

      More than anything, I think you need support and help with this. I’m not sure whether your parents would take you to a professional therapist. Seeing someone could help you bridge the gap between you and your parents, help with your adjustment, teach you skills for meeting friends, and help you combat depression. If you have to get a physical before school, you can ask the doctor to help convince your parents about therapy. Unless you’re threatening to hurt yourself or someone else, doctors and therapists legally cannot disclose what you tell them.

      If you can’t get a therapist, I’d find the guidance counselor on the first day and tell her your concerns. She may be able to introduce you to other new girls, so you won’t have to sit alone at lunch, and she can be a resource for your stressors at home. Unlike doctors and therapists, school counselors don’t have the same confidentiality guarantees, so if that’s a concern ask before what type of things might make her contact your parents or might she tell your parents if they speak.

      I hope you’ll write back and let us know how you’re doing. You can even write your own letter with other concerns or questions.

      • Lexie says:

        Thank you for replying. Unfortunately, I can’t get a therpist. It’d be to expensive, same reason why I can’t join a gymnastics team or go to lessons to learn which is completely understandable. I mostly just seek out places like this for help. Reading how other people deal with depression and unhappy thoughts also helps me. I try their methods and some work, some dont. I just know I can’t bottle it up or gets worse. I just found out that I may HAVE to go to school here in Utah. School has already started in Georgia and I no longer have the choice of going to the school of my dreams either. It’s a private school (which oddly I don’t mind) or the school I had been going to or here in Utah. I myself am starting to consider school using the Internet simply because I know we aren’t going to be prepared at all. I don’t want to do that entirely because I NEED human interaction to feel at least decent. My parents are currently separating now though. It doesn’t bother as me as much as I think should… Without my mother around though all fairness will be lost, because there are moments where she makes a point about my age and what I should be able to do. In the end it is what it is…

    • Sadi says:

      Hayy, Lexi well i honestly can say i know how you feel. I’ve been moving around since the 4th grade. I’ve been to 5 different schools. 2 elmentary and 3 Middle schools in different states tough huh? I’ve always started off lonely the first few weeks, then i slowly started to get friends. It’s true that it hard to put your self out their because your scared of rejection. I never forced myself to be friends with someone it always was mutual. Tips smile alot even if your siting alone just smile because this makes your look approachable. Ask people for example what class they have next or if you guys have lunch together, if so say lets sit toghter even if they already have friends. they should just invite you to sit with them if they dont forget about. Say Hi to people you see in the same classes as you saying hi is forward yet distant and try to do it everyday. Since your going back to your old school and try and mingle with your friends friends or just say hi Im then say your friend’s name. Also joining a club gets you a bunch of friends. Facebook liking statues, commenting something fuuny or nice this can give you guys something to talk about the next day in school or in chat in facebook

      Much Love :* sadi

  7. Nadia says:

    Hey Marcie,

    I will have you relieved to know that I can relate to you… even though it seems you’re probably out of high school by now. I don’t know if you will read this… but… I’m going through the same thing. In elementary school I had a group of friends that I practically grew up with. Sometimes, I still have dreams about it, it really does haunt me. I was close with them, and we all sort of detached. Well, I did… I wasn’t really into the whole ignoring and gossip thing. I just wanted to go to the movies.. but that’s when my anxiety began. Grade nine comes, and I am super excited to ‘begin anew’ … and I did have a group of friends that I made. Girls in the group swam on the swim team together, and I joined sports teams and got involved in groups. I forgot to tell you Marcie, I’m not nerdy at all. I mean, I have great hygiene, love fashion, and I do care about myself. ANYWAY, back to the story… In grade nine loads of wonderful stuff was happening… it was great. However, come grade ten and I still hung out with them, but I also had another group of girls that I hung out with because of the field hockey team ( that I had first started to play in grade nine, to get involved), and there were four of us that had sleep overs and stuff. My friends group was very large…so we had people to hang out with at lunch. In grade ten, one of the girls accused me of something I didn’t do… and the group started to ignore me. I got treated badly, and I didn’t deserve it. I asked her why, and she accused me of it. She is currently being homeschooled, she lied to the administration and staff at school. The vice principal told us that he would stand by me in ‘court,’ because she was considered a harassment to me. I mean, now when I look back, Marcie, I don’t really care about it anymore. This is in grade ten. Come grade eleven, by November I am hanging out with my group of friends, and my field hockey friends… and I felt as though I was constantly being separated. My group of friends became very competitive and rude towards each other, conversations were more like battles to get a word in, it was frustrating and it made me feel horrible. Finally, I realized I had a better time with the field hockey friends… and hung out with them. Boy was I wrong to, because I made a mistake to one girl. I did, Marcie, I’m human… and I apologized. I walked to her house after swim practice to apologize, and she said nothing. I texted her, called her… I did everything to try to make it right and she didn’t forgive me. So I figured that she wasn’t really a true friend. Sooner or later the other ‘friends’ of the field hockey friends group only spent time with her, and I told them the truth as well. I told them that I was super sorry to her, and they told me they knew that, that one girl didn’t like me. So, we had to hang out whenever she wasn’t around. Eventually they started to hang out with her more because she was moving… and my other ‘friends’ from the other group felt abandoned. I hung with them occasionally, they just changed as well. They would exclude and be very, very rude because the conversation would be a competition. You had to be super rude, and FIGHT to get a world in edgewise Finally, I had had enough… and I felt as if I had no friends. I was alone. My second semester I was in complete solitude and since then I didn’t focus as much, I felt sad, and my anxiety level horrible. I sat in the library, and I wasn’t nerdy or anything, actually…. most guys like to talk to me. But, I was alone. Literally, I didn’t know if I was going to survive because it felt as though I only had acquaintances. No one truly cared about me. To add to that, my biology teacher was horrible towards me. HORRIBLE. It might have been the worst year of my life, but I got through it. Now, I’ve recently been dreading going back to school, but I know how you feel. I know the alone feeling. Actually, I’m suffering from terrible anxiety because of it. I feel as alone as can be. My mom only sees me upset and angry and she normally makes me feel worse, and I can’t really open up to my father. Believe me, Marcie, I understand. I’m praying that next year is going to be alright, PRAYING. But,I know I’m going to be anxious. I know I’m going to be alert..hopefully things get better Marcie. I know you made it through, you’ve given me hope to get through that awful suction of sadness and anxiety and dread. All I can say is… thank you, Marcie, for giving me hope.

  8. **** says:

    REMOVED BY MODERATOR FOR VIOLATION OF TERMS OF SERVICE

    • Luke says:

      I’ve been speaking to a ton of people who are also depressed and suicidal (myself included). So from what I read in your comment (before it got removed) I can suggest a few things.
      – You seem to be going to a doctor. That is great; I congratulate you on that because a lot of people with depression refuse to seek help. I also suggest seeing a counsellor for your anxiety, depression (and alcoholism). BE HONEST WITH YOUR COUNSELLOR! It took me a while to figure this out and I was wasting time and money because I wasn’t telling my counsellor everything. Spill out all of your personal problems (as embarrassing as they are) and secrets to them because it can only help and your counsellor doesn’t care since it’s their job to sort this stuff out. If you can’t get a counsellor then talk to your doctor or possibly your family members.
      – From what I can deduce you seem to dislike what you’re doing: “I am a complete weirdo” “I am obviously not good enough”. You also feel like you aren’t doing what you should be doing: “I don’t know what to do with my life.” “I really don’t see the point in life anymore. I haven’t even actually gone to a proper club and gone clubbing yet.”…Look, IT’S OKAY TO BE SELF-CENTERED! :) Your life is about you. If you don’t do something; so what? Stop expecting so much from yourself; you’re fine. As long as you are trying to help yourself and as long as you’re trying to be nice to others then you’re great. Nobody (AND I MEAN LITERALLY NO ONE) has all the answers or is doing all of the right things in life. We all screw up, but what matters is if we truly try to be doing what’s best for us. And you seem to be doing that, so you’re alright. Also everyone is weird and has flaws in their own way; it’s what makes us individuals. You just have your own unique personality. That’s a good thing.
      – As for the point of life. Life has no objective point. Fun stuff, right? But you are still slightly wrong in thinking life is pointless. Life only has meaning if you give it meaning. The meaning of life is simply an idea in the heads of humans. We create it, and we shape it. You shape yours to whatever fits best. Whether that is helping disabled people, or getting a steady job, that’s up to you. Just know that you can’t be wrong when coming up with a meaning for your life since it can literally be anything and there are no rules for it. The meaning of my life is just to make the world better for as many living things as I can. I don’t know how, and I don’t know why I chose that particular one. But that’s what I chose because it sounds like the best possible choice for myself. Yours could be to get a house or a job or to just be happy.

      Also just take life lightly. Not everything you do or say will be perfect. Making friends takes a ridiculous amount of effort, I know because I have intense social anxiety, but even so just try when you can and if you can’t then relax. Watch some funny youtube videos to take your mind off things:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6McY361EGvE
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOSF9YCfTB8 <== the beauty of life
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOl7DmsfhKU <== how guys normally act
      Life is a lot better when you stop taking things seriously. All your questions don't have to be answered immediately. I'm still quite depressed (and so are a lot of people in my family), but we simply just stop caring about a lot of things and life gets easier.

      – *hands turn into rainbows* Your problem with men does not apply to gay/bisexual men. Since you are 19 though and an adult I suggest being very cautious around guys (especially in clubs and bars)

      Here's my terrible advice for heterosexual dudes: The majority of heterosexual men who are intelligent (and have moral decency) will not sexually assault someone else. The ones that do sexually harass usually are the guys who don't have any real hobbies or passions so they revert to their instinctual jerkiness because they lack any real conscious drive in their lives. (This isn't scientifically proven; this is just from experience. Most of the guys who I notice that cat-call girls, and refer to certain girls with derogatory remarks are usually just unintellectual and hobby-less). If you want to meet a smart and decent guy then go to places where smart and decent people usually are (the library, book store, art studio, a college campus <== although I'd still be a bit cautious around here because some college boys are messed up, still probably better than a club though)

      So yeah, it sucks your comment got taken down, but hopefully my average advice will help. I hope you find happiness.

  9. Maria says:

    My names Maria, its the accent of my spanish culture. Most Latinas like me that i know are hard core “bad” girls and theyre all so outgoing; however, im not. Im good at talking to guys… but girls…. not so much. i dont get it. Everyone in school loves me they always tell me how im adorable and cute.. (btw im not baby cute i look pretty old for my age) but a lot of people mention how im quiet and its kinda mean lol. id never say to someones face”youre kinda quiet”. i know im supposed to act upon other people to make friends.. but im having trouble with what to say in conversations and how to hold conversations and even friendships. All my friends left me… and now i have one left. Being socially awkward sucks… any advice in what to talk about in conversations..? i need to be more outgoing.

  10. Anon says:

    I am 13 years old I skipped several grades so i am in grade 9 I don’t really fit in with anyone. My grades are always A+’s and on tests i usually get around 93% nobody really likes me because of this. I’m no genius i just put in 100% into everything my grammar for one is shocking and I not very good at English so why are they isolating me?? I believe it’s because of my age but I’m probably equally mature. Is it too grotesque to be around me. I have a matured body I am around 5’6 and have many similar interests and the only reason my grades are reputable is the result of having parents that want me to accomplish wonders so I desire to achieve for their sake and mine as well because are family is poor I want to be able to make money for my mother and father so that they will no longer struggle with the bills. I can come across as strange sometimes cause i LOVE anime but I rarely mention it but I don’t feel comfortable being teased and bullied at school. What should I do?

    • Amy says:

      Hey Anon,

      You shouldn’t have to be ashamed just because you get good grades.
      I would love to get A+’s and 93% on tests xD But not alot of us are that smart, and i’m sure if they were capable of getting those grades then they would be bragging about it- and they would be the ones being picked on. Which is stupid because you shouldnt have to be ashamed just because of the grades you get, like i said ALOT of people would be pretty happy to get them. So don’t be ashamed, and don’t brag, just be secretly happy with yourself lol- and know that your doing well :)

      I personally love anime as well, and know plenty of people who do, maybe your school is just one that doesnt have people with alot of the same interests as you. I’m not saying you should move schools because you shouldnt if you can still handle it. And i know that being bullied and teased sucks, like alot, xD but you can get through it.

      I was complaining about high school the other day and i was told that noone is meant to enjoy it lol, just get through it and move on with your life, and yeah i know that can be exceedingly hard, but thats ok lol, in the end it will all be ok xD

      Sorry for taking so long and hope this helps- it probably doesnt xD

      But just know you;re not alone lol.
      (deep moment)

  11. Victoria says:

    Wow, hearing there are other social pariahs out there like me is really reassuring. I’m sixteen, and I’ll start my junior year in less than three weeks. Since middle school, I had the same rag-tag group of friends that I always stuck to. I guess I’m an attached kind of person, once I make a friend, I’ll stick to them like glue. First half of sophomore year was nice, I had my friends, my hilarious lunches, and my after school texts. Just before the second semester, my best friend moved to a different state, my schedule got completely messed up, making me lose all the friends/acquaintances I made over the last five or so months, and my friend group broke up. I spent the next four months hiding in abandoned hallways and walking around the school during lunch, so to seem like I wasn’t a complete loner. The last month of school, I stopped caring and just ate lunch with whoever would let me. Because of my pariah status, I got super insecure and figured people didn’t like me because I was so clingy, and started pushing away anyone who wanted to get close to me. Summer was a nice break, but now I’m afraid the same social pariah thing will happen again this year, and I’ll become super b!tch, the destroyer of any relationship anyone wants to have with her, again. Any advice for a non-sucky junior year?

    • Luke says:

      Why don’t you just stop thinking you’re super clingy, and a burden on others? I understand where you’re coming from. I don’t want to talk to people because I feel like I’m going to interrupt them or corrupt their lives or just make them sad or whatever. But if you think about it, that’s an irrational fear. If you really are too clingy then the only thing that will happen is the person you are clingy with will distance themselves from you. That’s it. You did not ruin their lives by talking to them. You did not hurt them in any way. So just go out there and befriend people. Stop caring about what each and every other person thinks about you or how you’re effecting them because thinking about that is not accomplishing anything. Just focus on what makes you happy and do it. Talk about what you want and be yourself around the people you meet and I’m sure you’ll find some friends. Also if you were good friends with those kids in sophomore year then you can still be friends with them. Just get their numbers and invite them to the mall after school or on the weekends, or go watch a movie with them. Most of the friends I have don’t have a similar schedule to mine and don’t go to my school either. You’re not a social pariah, and you’re not a “super b!tch, the destroyer of any relationship either”; you’re just not currently with other people and that’s fine. Just put yourself out there and make the effort to make friends by talking to others and asking for their phone numbers and I’m sure you’ll make some friends :)

      I hope this helped. I’m having some trouble making friends as well, but it’s getting easier. It just takes some effort.

  12. Sam says:

    Almost exactly the same minus the: Fashion, Dance and the 16 parts. I am in my second semester of HS and with a grand total of 0 friends. Plus whenever I speak in class everyone says “SHUT UP SAM!”. UGH! :(

    • Luke says:

      Here’s some advice. Follow these instructions

      Step 1: Go up to someone (probably someone in the hallways) and say “Hi, I’m Sam.” *smile while doing this*
      Step 2: *Listen to their response. AND REMEMBER THEIR NAME*
      Step 3: ask them “do you [insert one of your interests/do you have so and so as a teacher]
      Step 4: *listen to their response* then make a remark or start a small conversation.
      Step 5: say “Yeah, well anyway we should hang out sometime. What’s your phone number?”
      Step 6: *Put their number into your phone*
      Step 7: Leave and say you got to go or say something nice like “thanks, well see you later”, and then when you’re home or a few days later ask them to hang out or go to the mall or something.

      But what if you already know them?

      Step 1: say: “Hi how’s life?/what’s up?”
      Step 2: *listen to their response* (their response is probably like “I’m doing well”, or “I’m fantabulous”
      Step 3: respond with: “Ah, I see…well I’m feeling [sweg/fantastico/like Jesus] because I did [whatever you did today/this week...like 'I saw a movie', or 'I joined the Navy and beat up Vladimir Putin'] Then ask them a question regarding your response like ‘Have you ever beaten up Vladimir Putin or watched the fault in our stars?’ ”
      Step 4: *listen to their response and maybe start a little conversation*
      Step 5: Then say: “Yeah, anyway I was wondering what your phone number was. We could hang out some time.”
      Step 6: GET DAT PHONE NUMBER YOOOOOOOOooOOooo
      Step 7: INVITE THEM TO THE MALL OR THE MOVIES OR BOWLING OR A BRAWL WITH VLADIMIR PUTIN, BARACK OBAMA, AND KIM JONG UN.

      Just do this with confidence and possibly in a funny/optimistic attitude and I TRULY BELIEVE YOU WILL MAKE FRIENDS! GOOD LUCK TO YOU GIRL!?!? I WISH YOU HAPPINESS

  13. Romi says:

    Hey,
    am Romi and i just found this website and i hope you can help me with my problem.
    am in middel school an am a bit lonley i thouth that when i will arive middle school i will have a BFF .
    i dont realy know anybody here am also shy and thats a problem for me am shy to go and say hi to other kids at the grade.
    i also have a crush on a cute boy who was with me at elementary school and i started texting him and at the first text i told him that i have and allways had a crush on him he said that its nice am telling him but he likes someone else from that moment every night i would text him but he didnt answer.
    so what do i do about him and about finding a BFF.
    i hope you will be ebel to help me ,
    Romi

  14. Vinz says:

    Hey i guess i can join here,so tomorrow will be the 3rd day of school and i still have no friends and i used to don’t have many friends in elementary days and i only made like 2 friends in elementary now i transferred to a new school and lost communication with my other friend(but he still texts at my mothers number) so i’m a freshman 13 years old very lonely at school and i have still no new friends at my new school and i get envy when my other classmates have group and i’m alone but i have group of classmates why i try to sit with every lunch but i don’t talk to them that much we’re only acquaintances i don’t know if it’s natural to be so shy at my new school on 2nd day and my mom always ask me about friends on school and i always try to avoid it so i sleep early at night to escape it and when she tries to ask me before i go to school,i lie.so everytime i get home,i cry because i don’t wanna lie to my mom the entire school year so i wish i had friends even just 2 but i am so shy.now i am worried because what if the PTC(Parents and Teachers Conference) day have come and the teacher will tell my mom that i’m a quiet guy and that i have no friends.So my question is,is it only natural to be shy and have no friends on 2nd day of school in freshmen?

    • Luke says:

      Yeah it’s perfectly natural to be shy as a freshman. A lot of kids are in your situation as well believe it or not :) Anyway as far as advice goes, it’s very important that you tell your mom that you don’t have friends because lying about it won’t do anything, but hurt you. At least if you tell your mother then she can better understand your situation and you can talk about your shyness to her. Also if you’re feeling anxious about making friends (like most freshmen are) talk to your school counselor about it. Make it clear that you are unsure of how to make friends and tell the counselor how you are feeling. While school counselors aren’t great, they do understand the situation in your particular school and can help you out with problems like this by giving you certain things to say to start conversations or even pairing you up with someone who is also shy that went to the counselor about it. If you want some advice on just starting conversations with people to get to know them then scroll down a bit and look at Julianne’s comment.

      Also remember once you’re talking to people try and ask for their phone number or email address or something. When you do that it shows them that you’re interested in them and they’ll start to consider you like a friend.

      • Vinz says:

        Hey Luke,thanks for your advice well i hope it will work.they say once you met a friend in high school then that will be your friend forever.guess it is not really the time to meet the friend of me that will last forever :(

        • Luke says:

          Well try not to listen to cliches or stigmas. Generally it’s different for everyone. You could meet a few people you really like, or you can meet a bunch of people who you moderately like. It really varies. Just look at people for who they are and hopefully they will do the same to you :) I’m sure you’ll make friends if you try; you seem like a nice person.

    • roy says:

      well ik what you are going through but I wouldn’t worry because its only the second day

  15. Anonymous 3 says:

    I feel the exact same way as you. I am, just like you, not introverted, act nicely and calmly in school, talk to people in my classes etc. but still go home afterschool every day. No one has invited me anywhere,and I feel left out. these people aren’t even trying to be mean, but I just feel so alone. I feel your pain fully

    • Luke says:

      Sadly the reason people don’t start conversations that often with strangers is because they too are shy and are just more comfortable being friendly with the people they already know. People aren’t hanging out with just completely random people or initiating in conversations with people who they don’t know. Many people don’t stray from their comfort zone so they only talk to their pre-made friends. That’s why YOU have to be the initiator of conversations. You have to start talking to people because a lot of people aren’t comfortable enough to do it themselves. If you’re really feeling lonely then what do you have to lose by just smiling a little and saying “hi” to the person next to you during class? Remember: you have to be the one to start conversations it’s not other people’s jobs to. Also check out some other advice on this page. A lot of it is really good.

    • Gavin says:

      I have the same problem as you also. It sucks when you know people don’t hate you but still won’t hang out with you.

  16. Andrew says:

    Not your fault.This is something that can’t be explain,about what is the reason why this is happening.Be yourself,confident about yourself.dont got into their trap.Dont give them a [EDITED BY MODERATOR],to a person that don’t cares about you.meet new friends.

  17. Luke says:

    I believe I might fit into this category of issues…Alright so I’m 15. Last year I moved to a new town 30 miles away from my old one. I joined a new school. However, it is a catholic all-boys high school. And previously I went to a public school. This caused me to be bombarded by the idea of religion, and made me look deeply and introspectively at my morality, my beliefs, and the legitimacy of all of them. This led to me becoming an atheist and a vegetarian (please do not take offense to these things, they’re just my own conclusions on life. I’m not saying anyone else is wrong…although I’d appreciate it if some of you turned vegetarian, but that’s not the point of this). On top of all of this I’m highly socially anxious and get extremely nervous and stressed out whenever I have to be in any social scenario and as a result I get VERY stressed and nervous when I force myself to go to public places. I have a few friends and even a girlfriend, but they all live 30 miles away (and one of my best friends lives 100 miles away). So I don’t get a chance to hang out with them that much and I usually spend my weekends alone. Even though people have different beliefs than me in my school I REALLY try to befriend people there. I start conversations. Tell jokes. Ask about their interests and stuff, and ask for their phone numbers. But they all live like 30+ miles away as well because most of the people who go to my school commute to it since it’s apparently very fancy. I found a kid who’s also an atheist there (although he’s kind of obnoxious about it and basically goes around saying “there is no god.” which even I find quite annoying I mean it is a freaking catholic school for christ’s sake…i should just stop talking :P) He also lives extremely far away, so I feel like I haven’t made any progress. Basically the only social interaction I have with people now is at lunch with 2 other people and I go on dates with my girlfriend (which causes me so much anxiety that I want to crawl out of my skin…I know this sounds bad, but I actually really like her it’s just that talking to people (especially people I care about) makes me so anxious.) So I don’t know. I go to the library a lot and try to meet people, but most of the time there are only little kids there and old people. I’m not quite sure if I’m just being stupid and should just be satisfied with having friends really far away and being alone on the weekends or if I should do something else to make friends. Normally I don’t worry about this stuff, but my parents keep on yelling at me to make friends and get out of the house and my brother keeps teasing me for being lonely so it’s making me depressed and I feel like I’m missing out on my life :/

    • Luke says:

      Update: I joined two clubs over the summer. The first one ended, and I failed to make friends in it although I did talk to people. The reason why I didn’t make friends might be because everyone else was shy there as well (it was a writing club). I also joined another club, but it’s not working out well either. I’m feeling a bit down because of it.

      But what I learned from this is that making friends is difficult if you’re into introverted activities. I think I’m going to join a more extroverted group/club and see how that works. I’ll update you people on that.

      • Luke says:

        Update: Okay I just joined some group with a bunch of teenagers and we go and do charity stuff. Let’s see how that works.

        • Luke says:

          Update: It got easier once I tried harder. Sometimes you just have to keep on trying even when you don’t want to or feel like you can’t do anything. I don’t expect people to talk to ME, why should they? So I go over and talk to them. Once in a while someone does talk to me and it’s nice, but a lot of the time you just have to suck it up, not care, and talk. While I didn’t make any real friends, I did manage to talk to a lot of people? And that has to count for something. I have to remember to ask for people’s phone numbers and hang out with them.

  18. Brittany says:

    after reading these comments it really made me realize that im not the only one feeling like this. im a freshman at a high school with around 600 other people so its not very big. Many kids came from my middle school but only the ones that did not really like me. So when i started freshmen year those girls, whom were friends with the other incoming freshmen, did not say good things about me and therefore i didnt get a chance to even try and get to know the other girls. I take a lot of sophomore classes even though i’m a freshmen so that doesnt help either. But i always think twice before i say things and i always make sure what i say is positive and nice. For some reason though i dont feel like this helps. I still find myself with no new friends or anyone to talk to. all i want is a close group of girl friends that ask me to hang out and who talk to me at school. it sucks having to miss dances because i have no one to get ready with. sitting alone of friday nights and on the weekends also sucks and leaves me in tears many times a month. Our school gets out tomorrow and I am trying to make summer plans but no one wants to hang out and it sucks.

    • Luke says:

      Julianne wrote some good advice so I think it’d be helpful to check that out. Anyway you said there were 600 kids in your high-school? And you’re worried you won’t be able to make friends because a few girls said some mean things about you to some other people? As someone who is looking at this from a third person perspective I can assure you that you don’t have anything to worry about making friends. I’ve dealt with some people having certain…notions about myself before I met them but believe me once you start talking to them and they get to know you, everything they heard about you will subside and you can probably become great friends with them :) You said that your school already got out for summer vacation, correct? Well it’s going to be slightly trickier to meet people outside of school but like Julianne said you need to join stuff! (Join a local sports team, or a youth group at your church, or a summer science program, or a summer camp. Or really anything that gets you into contact with other people :P (they don’t even have to be your particular age or grade people are fine with befriending people a few years younger or older than them).

      Once you figure out how to get into an environment where there are other people BE AN INITIATOR OF CONVERSATIONS! You don’t even have to compliment people or be crazy nice (you seem like a cool person already since your comment was very genuine so I’m pretty sure you don’t have to worry about that stuff) just start conversations. Be like “Hey! What’s up I’m Brittany. blahblahblah. What’s your name? do you *insert common interest or hobby? etc. etc. REMEMBER: no conversation has to be perfect! We screw up sometimes that’s what makes us human :D. But something that is VERY VERY important for making friends is that you MUST ask for their phone number (or oovoo or skype, etc.) Just talking to someone won’t make you their friend you have to get in touch with them after you meet them and make an attempt to hang out with them sometime. If you’re feeling nervous about doing this or anxious because your shy, I understand, but just control those feelings and realize they’re pointless and just act confident and just improvise in conversations. So good luck and I hope you make friends!

  19. Julianne says:

    Hello Everyone!!!

    I read this comment and it gave me fond *cough cough* memories of when I came into my highschool as a freshman new kid and HATED my life for a while… it took me the entirety of highschool to make a solid group of friends and even after graduation to feel completely comfortable being myself and not worrying about what other people thought of me… I actually ate lunch in the bathroom just like Lindsay Lohan in mean girls multiple times to avoid the embarassment of having no one to sit with. A few completely real panic attacks caused by social anxiety and many tears on friday nights staring at an empty inbox on my phone later, Here is what I have learned from that scarring yet VERY educational and ultimately strengthening experience:

    -GET INVOLVED. seriously. join everything. anything. For me it was cheerleading and the youth group at my church when they did trips to build houses in Mississippi.

    -FOCUS ON BEING INTERESTED IN OTHER PEOPLE!!!!!! this is HUGE. being around/showing up is not enough. people like it when others show interest in them . in a conversation, make sure to focus on the other person and not just talk about yourself. Say their names a lot. for me, this was a BIG problem that I had NO IDEA I was doing (only talking about myself).

    -CONFIDENCE IS CONTAGIOUS. fake it till you make it kids. that being said, there is a huge difference between confidence and COCKYNESS. Especially for you girls out there, other girls can get jealous SUPER fast if you come off as thinking too highly of yourself (lame i know). so act confident but be sure to balance that with an interest in making others feel good when they talk to you.

    ******JUST SO YOU KNOW, THE MINUTE YOU GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL YOUR LIFE WILL 100% NOT BE LIKE THIS SO KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND SMILE BECAUSE CHANCES ARE YOU ROCK******** go get em tiger. :)

  20. Hannah says:

    I am a sophomore in high school, and I have trouble making friends. I am extremely awkward with people I don’t know, and it’s really hard to talk to people who are already in cliques. It doesn’t help that I’m asian and super short (4’11”). Some people are nice, but others are just downright racist, and I don’t understand why. I don’t have an accent because I was born in America, and I don’t have the small eyes that most Asians have. The comments that I get the most are “go back to your country” or “look! it’s an asian!” or “ching chong”. I used to be afraid to talk to caucasians because I thought they would look down on me. That might be why I’m so afraid of people. Well, anyways, I used to have a tight group of friends in middle school, but they started branching out and they have new friends now. I barely talk to them anymore. At one point I actually felt depressed because I didn’t know why they were leaving me. I know why now. You have to make an EFFORT. Be available. Talk. Make jokes. Be there for them. I had been in the center of it all but I started being by myself more and more and that’s why they left me. I don’t blame them. You reap what you sow. I am extremely lucky to have a few friends who stuck by me even though I’m so awkward and anti-social- although I didn’t used to be like this. I was really outgoing in elementary school, but somehow I became really self-conscious and awkward. I still don’t know why. Making friends takes effort, but if you are socially awkward like I am, you should try to talk to those with the same interest as you, or those who look like they’re alone. I am in orchestra and graphic design, and I made a few friends from talking to art and music nerds like me. When you are passionate about something, it’s easier to talk about it. For example, when I saw a girl who had done an amazing job on Photoshop, I was like “Wow! How did you do that?” And we’re friends now. I still sit alone at lunch some days and I hide in the bathroom because it’s awkward sitting alone, and I admit that’s pathetic,(on different days we have different lunch periods, so I don’t have any friends on one period)but I have friends now and am satisfied with what I have. However, my parents think I’m a pathetic loner because they were super popular in school. They keep trying to make me hang out with people that I can’t relate to, and keep putting me down by saying I can’t make it in society like this. It’s starting to get me depressed too. I used to think that most of the “friendships” and parties were so superficial, but now I don’t know.

  21. Briana says:

    Wow I am so happy and shocked to see that so many people here have the SAME problem I have! My name is Brianna and I have NO friends what so ever. I’m a junior in highschool and ever since I was a freshman I’ve been EXTREMELY lonely. I do have acquaintances but it’s just a hi and bye when I see them. Some of them act like they don’t even know me in the hall way!! I’m a junior and I still don’t have friends. Every year I think I’m gonna make friends big I don’t and it hurts sooo much. And yes I’ve noticed that when new kids transfer to my school they make like 10 friends the first day!! I am soo fed up with being alone and I just want real friends like I used to have.like in 8th grade I had a lot of friends and was so happy!! But when high school came they all went to the same hs and I went to a different one! I was so alone and unhappy and wishes that I would of went to their school. I don’t go out for lunch because I have no friends. I do sit with two girls at lunch but they don’t want to go outside and I get soo mad inside, they rather eat the cafeteria lunch than mcdonalds !! I don’t understand them. Today is decided not to sit with them because they’re annoying and they act like I don’t even exist!! They talk to me like twice and then keep talking but not to me! I don’t understand what’s wrong with me!! I really wish I had friends I’m always alone in the hallways and going home I can’t wait to get out of this school I want to start fresh again. I hope someone responds thnx for the post!!

    • Hannah says:

      Some people are just not worth your time. If you are trying to talk to them, and they’re not talking to you, then go find someone else. That’s what I did. Usually though people don’t ignore me when I’m talking because I barely talk at school, when I talk it’s like “OMG, she talks” it’s annoying sometimes so I only talk to my close friends.
      In French class I don’t have a single friend so when I did a video project with a friend from a different class, my classmates were like “she’s laughing, it’s unbelievable”. Sometimes i can hear people talking behind my back like “she needs to learn how to talk” and people know me as the girl who never talks. If you aren’t under that kind of stigma, it should be easier for you to make friends because for me, people tend to leave me out of things because they think I want to be alone (and sometimes I do). But make it known that you want friends, you can talk to people, and smile. Smiling is very important. and when a kid transfers snatch them up first! When you talk to people ask them about their day. when people talk about themselves, they feel like the conversation went really well and they’ll want to talk to you again. Conversation is like a tennis match- back and forth. Also, if they say something like “oh, I’m so worried about that big test” after the test ask them how it went. It shows you care. I hope I helped and I didn’t ramble too much… Good luck!

      • Amanda says:

        Wow, my situation used to be SO like yours. I always have the urge to blurt something out in class or call out but its expected of me NOT to talk so i don’t even bother anymore. The “omg, she talks?!” comments just really pissed me off. In my math class last school year, a sub teacher called on me for something and before i could even answer, this kid (boy) interrupted and just rudely said “Nah, she dont talk to no one”, that instantly raised my adrenaline, Me: Excuse you? How do you know? Just because i don’t talk to you doesn’t mean i dont talk” Then it got noisy and all of that. Mind you, this was a boy who constantly tried to pick on me.

        Its funny, he cant even speak proper english and gets all A’s and B’s while I’m constantly getting warnings of not graduating. But lucky for you, you actually had other friends.

  22. Maggie says:

    I am so happy I stumbled across this website. I will start by talking a little about myself. My name is Maggie, and I’m 16. I’m pretty quiet, but once I get myself to talk I can be funny. A lot of people at my school see me as awkward. I’m pretty religious (Catholic) and attend a private all girls school. I play soccer and lacrosse (although I’m not too good at either) and am somewhat smart I guess. I consider myself mostly to be a nice person, and I’m usually pretty considerate of others. I’m not mean, and if I ever say something mean, I can assure you I will feel guilty about it for days. My biggest fear is being hated, and I’ve always had a somehwat irrational fear that everyone hates me. Anyway,I am struggling with finding friends. I have a best friend and a few other friends in my neighborhood, but I struggle with my school friends. toward the end of middle school when everyone didn’t have to be invited to every event, I realized that I didn’t have as many friends as I wished.I loved and still love each of the 16 girls in my “group” to death, but I didn’t seem to be clicking with them. The summer before ninth grade was lonely, and I didn’t hang out with anyone pretty much. As ninth grade approached, I stuck with the 10 or so girls in my high school that attended by middle school. However, I never had anything much to say at lunches. I was never invited to their parties, opposed drinking, and definitely didn’t interact with boys. I really liked these 5 other girls outside my group and wanted to make friends with them, but they seemed to have their own set group. I invited them to a few things, but they never came. So, I continued to sit with my middle school friends, the summer ’13 was lonely again, and I felt incredibly awkward sitting at their lunch table again even though I hadn’t talked to one of them once all summer. As homecoming approached, I quickly realized I wouldn’t be invited to their group. The 5 friends who I mentioned early invited me to their event, maybe out of pity, but nonetheless, I was overwhelmed to be invited to SOMETHING. After homecoming, I transferred tables. I made a huge effort to befriend all of them, and still was hopeful, but haven’t really done much since. The worst thing had was my birthday. I did tell some people a few days in advance that my birthday was coming up (I’m a late birthday, so I turned 16 before everyone else). I honestly don’t think two people in the entire school remembered my birthday. The worst part was at lunch. The girls from my old group kept coming over and asking for a donut I brought without wishing me happy birthday. Well, to get even worse…you know that think when you choke and you like start crying sort of? Well I had that. I was already on the brink of tears from everything else in that day. So one of the most embarrassing things, I started crying and excused myself to the bathroom. A few of the girls at my table soon came to the bathroom and comforted me. I felt better but still was a little disappointed no one remembered. Then, I walked into the cafeteria, and a bunch of sophomores and seniors sang happy birthday to me. I felt so much better and actually felt loved for one of the few times in my life. I thought, after this, maybe people did like me. However, some other girls transferred to our table from my old table and were quickly and obviously accepted into the group. It was a mystery to me why I wasn’t,and I had literally tried to hard. I always remeber birthdays and bake things for people- I just felt hopeless. They immediately began… one of the parts of our society I hate the most… a group message without me. It still continues, and I feel awkward sitting there. I’ve heard them talking about me being annoying and awkward a few times, and it really breaks my heart. All I’ve ever wanted was to have some school friends, and I can’t seem to find it. This sounds trivial, but they never even like my pictures, or when I post for my birthdays and say “So and so, happy birthday love you”, the reply is always just “thanks”. I never get an i love you back… NEVER!!! I really don’t know what to do. I have considered eating in the library, but I want to at least make an effort to get friends. I do really like them, although it is obvious by their actions that one doesn’t like me. Today, tonight, I had reached the limit. It was one of those cry nights,and I’m up wondering what tomorrow holds. It seems like my effort will never be seen. I don’t really have other school friends, and I don’t want to eat by myself and seem like a loner. I also don’t really have classes with these girls bc I’m in honors/ap such classes. My parents think I have depression and seem to be concerned that I spend every weekend either babysitting or in my room. My neighbor friends always ask about why I’m never with my school friends. I really am not feeling loved or appreciated but also don’t want to transfer to my neighbors’ schools because I do love my catholic education. PLEASE someone reply. I know this is really long but I need help and advice. I am at a low of self esteem. Summer is approaching, and I can’t spend it alone again. Thank you!!!
    Maggie

  23. Emily says:

    I feel the exact same way. I moved across the country the summer before 9th grade, to a very small, christian city on the West coast.. There’s a very tight community and everyone’s parents went to school with each other and all of the kids have been going to school together since pre-k. Everyone here is Christian, and I’m Jewish. I came from a hugely populated Jewish area in the mid-west so it’s hard for me to connect with people out here. Everyone has their friend group and I don’t.
    It’s been about 9 months and I’ve only made acquaintances, no real close friends that I’ve ever hung out with outside of school. I’m actually really funny, but super shy. I’m really smart and in senior-level spanish and 2 AP classes but I’m normal and not “ugly”, but I am really quiet and usually just on my phone texting my old friends 24/7. I’m not very outgoing with strangers so it’s hard to become close with people I don’t know that well. I’m also really homesick and miss my old friends.
    I think about my old town every day of my life, and I also may be a little depressed but I’m scared to tell my parents. My freshman year has been downright hellish so I’m looking into transferring to a small private school for sophomore year, but afraid I’ll run into the same problem because of my shyness. It’s Saturday night and I’m in my bed crying. I still talk to my old friends everyday and FaceTime them, so I always vent to them but it’s just not the same. I haven’t had one sleepover all year or hung out with anyone, which is hard to believe because last year when I lived in my old state, there wasn’t one weekend I didn’t have a sleepover. Both of my sisters have really good friends here and are popular, but I’m just not adjusting. I used to be so sociable but I feel like I’ve maybe lost it… is that even possible?
    Well after that small little sob story, I just wanted to get that out there. I’m glad I’m not the only one experiencing this, but it kind of sucks.

  24. Jeanette says:

    Wow, it’s really great to see that I’m not alone, I’m going through the same thing. I just transferred to a different High School (half way thru Junior year) due to multiple problems at my old school and I’ve been at my new school for a few months and I am entirely alone. Everyone tells me that I’m really pretty (I have even done some modeling)and I am outgoing, but It’s just really hard and I feel like since I’ve been there, I have become quiet. I want to show off myself but I’m scared I will do something to make people not like me and I just want friends and ugh.

  25. Leonardo says:

    *clears throat. Well I’m not to sure what or why I left a comment here, but here goes. I am 15 years old, in high school, and am a sophomore. With that said, I can relate to you who have not had a close friendship with somebody; but, I am not entirely in your position. I am out-going and very charismatic but somehow seem to have the same problem as you to an extend. My problem is I have this free time and I have friends but I can never seem to able to hangout with them outside of school and it’s really bothering at times. I was a new to my high school a few years ago, but I am not sure why people I want to hangout are always busy. So yeah I don’t know what else to say but since it seems most of you who commented here are on the same boat as me, I would like to see what you all have to say and see to it if we can brainstorm this situation. I’ve talked this before, but it’s best when the person or people you discuss with on a topic know of it and understand it enough where their empathy is great enough to match how you feel.

  26. Samuel says:

    Hello, I’m 18 years old, I am a senior, and over 5 years since I moved here to Prairie Lea, I have been a REAL outcast the WHOLE TIME I’ve been here! Almost all the girls in my class hate me, make fun of me, ignore me, and laugh at me behind my back! They always talk about me saying that I am ugly and weird. Seriously, I am very nice to ladies, I hold the door open for anyone, I try to look as nice as I can, my parents tell me I look handsome, sweet, etc. I don’t treat women like crap, and I don’t act like an idiot. Yet, nobody acknowledges or thanks me! I will admit though that I am also different in taste. Everyone in my class likes all the recent music, like One Direction, Justin Bieber, hip-hop, Nickelback, and new country, and, even I like some other genres as well, I’m really into old rock n’ roll like the Beatles, Lead Belly, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Mudhoney, and hardcore punk. I just don’t get it. Why should I have to change everything that I like just for their satisfaction, yet if I don’t, they’ll all ignore me and say shit behind my back?! IT’S NOT FAIR!!! School really sucks right now…

  27. Trinity says:

    Hello, my older peers. My name is Trinity, and I am thirteen years old. I recently joined a new school, and being an embarrassingly shy person, proceeded to have a very awkward two weeks. Feeling pretty crappy about myself because of my inability to make friends, which might be partially due to the fact I move a lot, I decided to turn to the one thing I knew would have an answer…. the Internet. I browsed through multiple psychological websites and forums, most of them either telling me to “fake confidence”, which is impossible for me, “force myself into a social situation”,of which I cannot exactly walk up to some random person and start talking, and I even stumbled across a few where they just swatted it away, saying it is “no big deal since high school doesn’t really matter.” While they may have been partly correct, I did not plan the next four years as a loner. I finally found this site, read the entry, and seeing the posts were relatively recent, decided to give it a shot. Sorry for this long winded post, but I have a looot too say… 0.0.
    Okay, so basically I just need to know…. why don’t people like me? Do I cone across as cold or snobby because I don’t talk a lot? It seems to me that when I do attempt to make conversation, I either
    a. Embarrass myself with long awkward pauses or a boring topic or…
    b. Am ignored.

    Input is greatly appreciated since I will be a freshman next year.

    • Sim says:

      This is exactly what I’m going through I just entered High school and everyone seems to be making new friends except me, I keep on thinking it is because I’m different or quiet but it just seems like they don’t like me, I feel lonely and upset and I keep getting vibes from people that they want me to go away (I’m 13 too)

      • Amy says:

        Thats the same for me too. I started high school last year in grade 8 and basically it was the first few weeks and i was shy, but ever since then its like basically noone likes me in my class, last year i had 2 friends and now they are all in these groups and one of them and me had a huge fight recently and the other one is way to busy that she didnt even notice, just before i asked her if she wanted to come over and shes like sorry but im literally booked the whole 2 weeks, its like once ur seen as quiet every single person just thinks well theres nothing more to them then and they dont even bother to try to be friends with you? considering i have the rest of this year and 3 more years of high school after that it kinda really sucks.

        • Jasmine says:

          Oh my I am not just the only person in world experiencing this problem of not making friends. Hi I’m Jasmine I have started high school just term ago, I haven’t made any friends that I could call friends,they have all their groups and I’m the outcast,I hang at the library siting alone on my iPad being here like a nerd most of the kids there are popular or just don’t want new friends. You see I m only one from my primary school, all and everyone had their friendship groups arranged last year.I have been told by my cousin that not to worry that was last term, she said by term 2 I should have had friends here is term two no one. I only have people I see in class and sit next to which I say hi to when I see them. I only had one friend who just used me for my intelligence. Im nto ugly but one thing that let’s me down is my glasses . and have long brown hair. I don’t know what’s wrong with me! Oh and I’m also shy.

          • Gavin says:

            I am happy that other people have the same problem. I’m only 14, and I am outgoing and funny. However, when I try hanging out with my friends in a group that is a mix of guys and girls they seem to not want me there. Basically they seem to not want me there whenever there’s a lot of other kids our age around. I get good grades, so I guess that I’m the nerd of the group, but I’m not in the nerd group. Should I leave them and make new friends, or try to stick it out until the end of high school?

  28. hanaki says:

    Hi, I’m also facing the same problem. I’m a new transfer student. It has been two weeks and I still don’t have friends to gather with at hall, at the canteen, after school for activities. I don’t have problems talking to several girls in my class. The first girl I talked to always go with another girl. They don’t pay attention to me. Although I had joined them twice in the canteen, but they still never call for me. I also talk to the girl sitting behind me, but when lunch comes, she doesn’t come for me. She always approaches her friend and goes away, ignoring me. The other girl who sits quite near to me too, goes to find her friend from another class. I’m very sad. I’m afraid if I have to spend next 2 years like this. Also, since there are no people with same nationality as me, I’m even stressed. Moreover, I have different tastes from most teenagers. While most of them like k-pop or hollywood singers, I like instrumental musics. I don’t have any preferred actors. Making me unable to chat things concerning entertainment with them.
    I really would like to befriend the first girl I talked to. She’s also friends with another 2 last year’s transfer students. But I really don’t know what to do. Last time, when her friend was away, she asked me who was walking alone to accompany her walking. I was happy but when her friend came she totally forgot about me.
    Having no friends really makes me not wanting to go to school.

    • Alex says:

      Hello! I’m really sorry to hear that! I have experienced the rejection too. I used to hang out with one girl but she always go to find her friend in another class, who doesn’t seem to want to include me :( However, it all became better when my school organised a school camp, i really clicked with my cabin mates and found a group of lovely girls to hang out with! does your school have this kind of orientation camps?

      i see that you are a transfer student. I’m sorry if this sounds kind of stupid, but are you an overseas transfer student or just interstate? if you are an overseas transfer student, maybe you can hang out with other students with the same nationality and start building your network from there. Or, i would suggest to just target someone who seems quiet and has not friends too. I’m sure he or she will be desperate for a friend too. having a friend to hang around will definitely lower the awkward index.

  29. Madison says:

    I’m soooo glad I am not the only one facing these problems!! Of course I too am 16 a sophomore who is fairly smart (in honor classes)teachers like me and I’m very nice to any and everyone I meet im also pretty attractive and not nerdy and also who is well known because I’m the Oreo of my grade (black girl who acts white)and I’ve grown to ignore all those comments but now I’m faced with having no friends I have many acquaintances at my school meaning people I can say hi too in the hall ways or ask for homework help over text if ever needed. But no one to talk about personal problems or boy troubles or whatever the situation may be. My freshman year I felt I had a lot of friends I was invited to a lot of bday parties and to hangout on the weekend and people would text me first but now its the total opposite no one ever texts me or invites me places and just like everyone else on here I have been crying for the past 30 min because I feel so sad all the time. To make things worse I thought I had two best friends in totally different social groups but now when I text them they wont reply and they never invite me places I have to always be the one to invite them to hang or whatever and no no no I am not annoying I don’t text them every hour or every day and when I do text them its never just “hey” its usually like a question or statement or send them a funny picture and still no response so I don’t know what to do with them because they but have other best friends that I always get put second to and I’m done with being second. I’m just so sad all the time and I’m tired of going to school with a mask on my face and my emotions, pretending I’m happy and stronger than I really am. I’m about to join the school news-team and I play soccer for my school but those aren’t helping either. Help

    :(, Madison (p.s we should start a pen pal that be great)

    • Amber says:

      Hi! i just stumbled on this page and I’m having the same problem well my name is Amber I am a senior in high school I’m 17 and I don’t have any close friends outside of school. I am a nice person, I’m a little reserved but I can be outgoing and I’m very silly. I’m an anchor in my schools broadcasting program called wolfpack tv so I am very well known because everyone at school has seen me on tv. Therefore I have many acquaintances that talk to me or wave to me at passing period or events.

      I hang around a couple of people at school I have known since the 9 th grade and we have fun at school during the week. you would think that we would be best friends outside of school but I’m the odd man out. when friday comes i go home and i hear nothing else from them. No one calls or messages me on Facebook or nothing. I have to initiate it first. I only see them at school during the school week. Some of them tell me we should start hanging out outside of school and recently I see on Facebook that they are starting to hang out more outside of school I’m just excluded. I feel like I have always been put on the back burner since middle school I’m very confused on why i keep falling in this pattern pretty much all my life since junior high-school friends came and went or they consoled in me to make themselves feel better and never gave me anything in return. My mom says it will be different in college I guess I will see soon.

      • Madison says:

        Amber,
        Were like twins… same excat things with me “friends” they will say lets hang and stuf but never ever asked me to do things with them but they do post pictures with there friends up on instagram and twitter. Its pretty sad and makes me feel awful but Yes you only have a few more months and then you can start all over in College!!!!

  30. Madison says:

    I’m soooo glad I am not the only one facing these problems!! Of course I too am 16 a sophomore who is fairly smart (in honor classes)teachers like me and I’m very nice to any and everyone I meet im also pretty attractive and not nerdy and also who is well known because I’m the Oreo of my grade (black girl who acts white)and I’ve grown to ignore all those comments but now I’m faced with having no friends I have many acquaintances at my school meaning people I can say hi too in the hall ways or ask for homework help over text if ever needed. But no one to talk about personal problems or boy troubles or whatever the situation may be. My freshman year I felt I had a lot of friends I was invited to a lot of bday parties and to hangout on the weekend and people would text me first but now its the total opposite no one ever texts me or invites me places and just like everyone else on here I have been crying for the past 30 min because I feel so sad all the time. To make things worse I thought I had two best friends in totally different social groups but now when I text them they wont reply and they never invite me places I have to always be the one to invite them to hang or whatever and no no no I am not annoying I don’t text them every hour or every day and when I do text them its never just “hey” its usually like a question or statement or send them a funny picture and still no response so I don’t know what to do with them because they but have other best friends that I always get put second to and I’m done with being second.IM just so sad all the time and I’m tired of going to school with a mask on my face and my emotions, pretending I’m happy and stronger than I really am. I’m about to join the school newsteam and I play soccer for my school but those aren’t helping either. Help :(, Madison (p.s we should start a pen pal that be great)

  31. Madison says:

    WOW!!! This is so weird…I literally fill like my brain spilled out and every emotion and thought I have felt in the last 30min of crying has been put down in words by multiple people feeling the exact same way I do.

  32. Mariah says:

    dang i thought it was just me, i’ve been without friends for 4 years now and i’m 16..nobody talks to me in class, the teachers always badmouth me and my parents always degrade me..i feel like i’m doomed to a life of lonelyness and deppression, i’m surprised i haven’t killed myself yet, i kind of put myself into a coma last october by trying to stop myself breathing but unfortunately i woke up, not that i’m not grateful for life..i mean there’s nothing wrong with me, istarted school with my best friend form pri-school and we started hanging out with a group of girls, they started ganging up on their friend but i refused to join in..soon they turned on me and so did my best friend.. from then on nobody ever really spoke to me and i just hope this finishes quiclkly because deppression impacts on my grades.. i’ve been going from a c average to an e average.. i’m even slipping from that, there’s even an edit of a photo of me on facebook that some boy made and people can’t stop talking about it.. it’s even getting laughed at on twitter..i don’t know what the hell is going on..i think the group of girls must’ve said something about me, that everyone’s angered by: they just love attention from dudes and gossiping about people, and that’s not me (practically evveryone in my school does) i’m just doomed but atleast i leave this school in may..after 4 years of my life just went unpleasantly.

    • Cyril says:

      Never let society let you down. I too felt that society has degraded me from my potential but 1 thing I learned is that teachers and parents can say whatever they would like but I am an independent human. Ever since I moved to Florida, I get hundreds of insults a day from people who I pretend are my “friends”. I realized that friends don’t insult each other in a way that hurts one another. I stopped listening to them. Unfortunately, sometimes I feel that I can’t be at my full potential with people continuously saying false things about me. One of my most important lessons is that YOU OWN YOUR LIFE, NOT YOUR PARENTS, NOT YOUR TEACHERS, NOT YOUR FRIENDS. IT IS YOU!!!! You have the right to decide whatever you want to be and no one can stop you from doing so! You control your future! Don’t let teachers, friends or parents influence decisions. IT IS YOUR LIFE!

      • Liah says:

        i dont really know where to start sorry if this is too long … anyways , ive been “popular” in the start of grade 5 i had 2 best friends but on a 5 days school trip one year later in grade 6 we ended up fighting and quit being friends i was sad and felt lonely both of them kept being friends while i still had another best friend through the whole thingy , but there was this “popular ” clique of girls in my class and they were like being around me and stuff i felt like im kind of a part of them even though they made stupid things like insulting some girls in my class i didnt really know much about it i thought its just some small fight or something , but then i kind of said that im a belieber and so was one girl of that group we fangirled about him alot and got to eachother better (different things as well ) but that girl started getting weird towards me she didnt relpy text’s she didnt really talked to me anymore and i asked why but she told me to fuck off another girl in the group started calling me fake belieber because apperantly i only like justin bieber because of my best friend (mentioned her before ) the others turned theyre back towards me and are insulting me i literally have no one im a freakin loner in every school break , lunch , project groups . its sucks and i feel lonely i talk about it with my best friend but i dont want to bother her too much its becoming worse with the insults and im ignoring them ever since , but it doesnt feel right , my only friend is in another class ( the best friend ) she has different lunch times . im a so called nerd but i recon i dont have a bad style i dress modern and everything and im not the boring typical nerd, people dont really care if im walking alone all the time , its fucked and i dont want to be in this situation but what am i supposed to do ? it turned out that they were bullying those girls since pre school , and we started talking but i feel missed place like i shouldnt be there but i dont want to be alone again so im sticking with them i guess , i dont know if i should ignore that clique of bitches or stand up for myself …
        thanks for reading :) xx

  33. Coco says:

    I am from Asian country so our education system is a bit different~in my secondary school(1st year of high school I gt a few best friends(5 smth) and I knew half of the girls in our class( nt so close juz make use of each others) and our group consist of 5(include me)ppl tat mean one will be left alone~ at the beginning of year I am close wif three of them so there a chance one of them will be my bestie~bt one of the girls from the group bad mouth me about wanna snatch the boy ( secretly fall in love) cause others to start ignoring me!!!
    During the midterms I am starting to get close wif now of them(nt the double-face)~ we always chat with each other ,holding hands while walking(nt lesbian juz friends),chatting on phone~but recently cause tat double face bad mouth about me she started to ignore me!!lol I am frustrated!! She start getting close to the double face cause double face is better at acting and nobody know the truth!!and the other two are getting closer(no chance for me at all)
    Last week,double face suggest that they go movies and all stuff~bt she dint invite me and ask others to keep their mouth shut about their plan~so who can suggest hw I deal with this bitch

    • Xaviera says:

      I’d recommend you keep being nice to them, even to her. Don’t exclude her like she did to you, although that would probably feel good! The truth is she’s probably worried you’re going to steal the friends, and she’s just like you in that she doesn’t want to be alone. If she sees that you don’t want to leave her alone without friends, she’ll probably stop trying to hurt you. She might even turn out to be cool!

      Alternatively you can try to tell the other girls what’s going on, or in some way let them know the truth. the only bad thing is that the mean girl could probably find a way to twist it around and make it seem like you’re the mean one.

      either way, good luck!!

  34. Lauren says:

    Im not 16 or older iv actually only just started year 7 (english years) and i came to the school very confident and excited with 2 of my friends. On the first day one of my friends went of with a big group of people ignoring me and my best friend… Its only been a like 1 week more and i havent made any new friends… Atlunch times and break times me and my friend are just walking around doing nothing we have like nothing to talk about anymore. We are in a few classes together but the ones i am in alone are very depressing and make me want to cry sometime. E.g in art i will sit down on a seat next to someone and talk and be nice but everyone around me is always laughing and jokings and having a great time, even the girl next to me sometimes turns around to laugh and joke with her friends.

    On the second day i plucked up the corage to talk to a girl that looked quite loney and i started chating and i thought i had finally found a friend. So i left the lesson with her and walked out to lunch. I asked here if she wanted to have lunch with me and my friend and she kindly said yes. So me and my friend walk into the field with her and sit down on a bench. I introduce her and we start eating lunch like two minutes later a group of around 30 girls come up and almost push me and my bff of the bench. So me and my friend get up and leave.

    At lunch times me and my friend sit on a bench alone almost just looking around at other people all of the time. It seems evey single person is in a large group, noone is on there own. And i wouldnt say we were shy but we arnt the type of people thT would just walk up to someone and say hi and ask to join them.

    We have tried making friends with my previous school friends friends but they seem to blank us all of the time.

    Everyday now i have come home crying because i am so upset. My parents try to be supportive by saying things like oo just talk to someone asnd ask to have lunch. But it dosnt help :(

    I dont know :( i know i will probably make friends but i am the sort of person that just cant stop worrying about somthing even if they know that it will probably get better

    • Coco says:

      Get revenge on them!!!my suggestion is be friendly to guys~they help you and they are way better than girls friends!first of all,you muz get attention from guys~(1st step 2 become friends)never speak loudly and try to get attention it will only backfire!!if you r nt so pretty,I suggest that u wear some makeup~2nd chat with guys like they are your girl friend~never be shy to chat with them~3rd chat with them on Facebook in order to strengthen your friendship(bt make sure they dnt fall in love with you otherwise it will cause jealousy among the girls especially when popular guys confess to you)~tat all-feel free to e-mail me-([email protected])

  35. Adriel says:

    It is such a coincidence you say that Marcie because I have been sitting on my bed crying for the past 45 minutes, talking to myself about how I have no friends. No one to talk to, confide in, trust, or even relate to. The worst part about it is it feels as if your helpless and can’t do anything about it. The end of my 8th grade year in middle school I moved. I had to adjust to the new atmosphere and it was’nt too easy. I met one girl however who was really nice to me and seemed like a good friend. I began to hang out with her and her group of friends in school. My freshman year we slowly began to drift apart since we had no classes together. I had made it through dance camp and made the school’s dance team. However, I had no real friends there, but acquaintances. All in all the majority of girls did’nt like me, belittled me, and/or left me out of there cliques. I also was in theatre that year. It was’nt too long later that year when I met a really nice guy. We became best friends and were inseperable. We sat together at lunch everyday and made inside jokes with everything. People thought we were dating and it annoyed the crap out of the both of us and eventually tore our friendship apart due to other peoples drama. My Sophomore year we rarely spoke at all and I now met a new friend. She was super nice and we really had a nice time together. Somehow, she became hostile towards me and stopped speaking to me and contacting me all together. Long story short one semi close friend later and that was it. I came to the reality that I had no real friends and was alone. It really does make me sad a lot and I think its even making me become depressed… I wish I could turn back the hands of time and somehow or another make everyone like me but I now that is unrealistic and impossible. I’m not unattractive, or anti-social in any way. I am friendly and pretty outgoing. I am very intelligent but not too evil genius. So, I just don’t get why I have no friends or anyone what so ever to relate to or that genuinely likes to be friends with me. This is really a hard thing to go through and it will affect us when we graduate looking at everyone interact with there childhood bff’s and were just standing there with our Mom… (no offense to my mother I love her)

    • Adriel says:

      Oh yeah, and I now am Home Schooled. It just felt like the high school experience was not coming together at all…

      • Nina says:

        I know exactly where you are coming from :( I am currently a sophomore and have NO friends. I really don’t know what I am doing wrong: I am nice to everyone no matter who they are. It just seems like everyone has already gotten their cliques and don’t need a plus one in their mix. I am either by myself or a tag along. The funny thing is, is that people “know me”. Like I’m not popular but I’ve been elected as my classes class treasurer for two years and I have “acquaintances” that wave to me in the hallway and people that yell my name in the hallways and tell me I’m “chill”. Yet I have no friends. I really am just really depressed, I don’t know what to do. I cry myself to sleep almost every night and have this fake smile I put on everyday. I just don’t know how long I can take this…. uhhhh

        • Amy says:

          I live in Australia so my school system is a bit different to you all but im in grade 9 and i feel basically exactly the same, i just have fake friends- but hardly. the holidays are almost over and ive only talked to one of them and theres even like a wall or something in the friendship that feels weird and then my other friends have like these huge groups now and i literally have no proper best friend just fake friends that cant get rid of me. its like nobody even likes me and i have 3 more terms and then 3 more years to go through of this and seriously they say you get over high school but in the moment its kinda hard to just think of it like that, plus you wont have any friends from high school after school and just sometimes idk

          • Lauren says:

            Hi Amy! I’m from Australia as well and is also in year 9 this year. However, I migrated to Australia only last year so it was kind of a huge change in environment for me. I was really depressed at the start of the year too because the pressure to make friends and stuff in a completely different environment is really big. But, thankfully, my school only provides education from year 9-12 so most people are new to the school as well with no friends and such (though some ppl do have friends from their old schools). People get into groups fast and by the middle of the term, most people already have groups to hang out with and stuff, save the few stragglers or undecided people (I was one of them).

            I made one good friend on orientation day so we hang out on the first few days but then she had another friend who was not in our class so they hanged out together during luch. So I tagged along. But then I released that other friend was really ‘possessive’ of my new good friend and she always seem to exclude me. For example, we would be in the library browsing the shelves and that friend would be dragging my new good friend (NGF) out and she wouldn’t even tell me where they were going. It felt really awkward to tag along after awhile so…..

            THANKFULLY, MY SCHOOL HAD ORIENTATION CAMPS. I thought it was my last chance to get into a good group. Luckily enough for me, I did, and some other girls really clicked with me. But unfortunately, NGF was kind of different, like she would prefer to sit in a corner and draw in her sketchbook and stuff instead of sitting around chatting so yeah, we didn’t hang out much after camp, though she did gather another two kids who are also kind of introverted.

            So yeah, basically what I am trying to say is that there’s different chances, don’t give up. It would help if your school had activities and stuff like camps and such as ppl in the same cabin do tend to get along really well. You can also try to talk to people who looked kind of alone too because, like you, they might also be in need of a friend. At least two ppl walking tgt doesn’t look as awkward as being alone.

            If all else fails, then maybe put more focus on your studies. Since VCE starts in yr 11, you can concentrate on studying instead of fretting over the friendship stuff (it can be sooo annoying and frustrating sometimes). And maybe during speech night you’ll be able to flaunt your perfect atar and make a grand exit triumphantly, imagine that, and start life anew in uni.

            That being said, it is still good to try and make friends, not necessarily best friends, just friends you can talk to normally.

            • Lauren says:

              Oops I’m sorry, I realised u might not necessarily be in Victoria but the same advice applies to other states :) u go girl!

  36. Lucy says:

    Wow sounds like me, coming up on my junior year of highschool and still no luck in the friendship department. Of course I am already a bit used to it because I’ve only had acquaintances my entire life; Yep, never been to sleepovers or parties and the only people I’d hang out consistently with were my older sisters friends who absolutely adored me.

    I have good traits and I’m not entirely that antisocial. I play piano, blast the newest tunes on the radio, and even have my own love for sports. One thing that might be impacting my ability to make friends is probably the fact that I was severely bullied when I was younger. They would treat me like I was retarded, snicker at me as I went down the hallway and I never knew what I did to cause it, but that has long since stopped. I’ve transferred high schools but during my last year at my old school, so many people have come up to me and apologized on how they never stood up for me as well as for watching me go through all that in silence.

    Yes, I find myself gloomy at times: I’ve never went with a friend to the movie theaters, shopping, or bonded while playing Halo on Xbox. I’m hoping maybe this year will be different, try and be a little more proactive, listen a little more, and no matter what I will not change who I am in what I value because no friend is worth suppressing who you are.

    Wow that was quite a little pep talk I just gave, just knowing everyday people face similar troubles to yours makes you hold your head a little higher. I wish you luck in making a friend, and try going to a few more dances; even if you don’t have anyone to go with you’ll at least be remembered by your classmates as “Marcie, the one that can dance.”

  37. Bekah says:

    I came from a private school too! I dont truly know a single person. I do cross country and there is a really nice girl that talks to me all the time, except in school. Its only the second week of highschool but everyone already has friends from middle school or has made some. I’m hoping that once I join some clubs I might meet more people.

  38. raya says:

    I have a very similar problem I went to a very tiny school and everyone knew everyone. I went there from 6th-9th grade and for some reason after my freshman year I was spending everyday of summer soon I tried texting people but everyone had plans I only had one friend and sometimes she was very mean to me. I’m very pretty and smart and nice but I’m kinda shy at times. But its like scrutiny one I knew who thought were my friends would just say hi to my in class but I didn’t have anyone to talk to or hang out with after school. So we moved not far from the school I was going to it was right on the line of two cities so I could continue at thebtiny school I was or go to a mucb larger school that was in a wealthier community with a better education and it had lots of students. So I decided to go to a new school amd all year I made sure I talked to people lots and made sure I was open. But the same thing happened I got people to say hey to in the halls. This year my junior year I going to try way harder and maybe get some guy friends but if it doesn’t work I don’t know what I’m going to do. It really sucks missing out on school dances because I have no one to go with. And doing nothing on the weekends and having 100 friends on Facebook but not one person on it I can really talk to.

  39. Hannah says:

    This is exactly my life! I moved to a suburb outside the city I lived in my whole life, so excited to start fresh and make so many new connections! I also have acquaintances, but no friends here. I will be starting my sophomore year soon and I’m nervous because I didn’t make any connections over the summer. The few friends/acquaintances I did make were from my swim team, but they were mostly upperclassmen. People here tell me I’m funny, really smart, extremely mature, and really nice. I have luckily kept in touch with a few friends from my old city, and they don’t get it either. I can be shy, but I opened myself up this past year to people, but the vibe is generally that they already have friends and don’t need any more. I’m a happy person, but I feel like I’m very slowly slipping into a depression. I love my life, I love who I am, and I have strong opinions. Other people tell me that they’re really surprised I’ve never been kissed or asked out, and I just don’t get it either. I feel like everyone here sees right through me as if I’m someone not worthy of their friendship. Luckily I have made a close relationship with my counselor at school, but I haven’t talked to her about personal things- only school related. Maybe I’ll talk to her if things don’t get better soon.

    • Irene says:

      Hi Hannah,

      It always takes some time after a move to turn acquaintances into friends. However, when you are thrown together with the same people day after day during the school year, this might become a bit easier. If your mood is somewhat depressed, this can make it more challenging.

      How wonderful that you have made a connection with a counselor at school. I think it’s a great idea to use her as a sounding board for some of the social problems you are concerned about.

      Let us know how things go.

      Warm regards, Irene

    • Adriel says:

      I really relate to you on this! It’s almost like this is my exact situation…

  40. Raquel says:

    this is crazy, i felt like i just read my own life right now. im 16 too, and i cant see anything that would be wrong with me, im intelligent and i can be outgoing, i like to get involved and meet new people and everything, im pretty too.its really cool to know that someone is going through the exact same thing: as much as it sucks, i just try and push myself to always be happy because it hurts to walk through the halls at school and seeing that everyone else fits in and has there own group. this might sound weird and creepy lol but if stuff still has not gotten any better, we should become friends!

    • Friendship Doc says:

      Hi Raquel,

      Do you have any interests in activities outside of school where you could meet new people—or where you could meet people you already know in smaller groups?

      Best, Irene

    • Adriel says:

      We really all should become friends hahaha! Pin Pals…

  41. Laura says:

    Although being very visible in leadership positions gets you visibility, it is an inevitable lesson of life that life at the top is lonely. Most people assume that you’re probably busy with your leadership activities. Yes, it boils down to impressions, not necessarily facts. People are easily intimidated by intelligence, beauty, prowess at sports, and even speaking articulately. I’ve been there. Some people judge the leaders of a pack as ambitious and driven, and not at all friendship material.

    Go back and read what you wrote. It sounds like a resume and doesn’t mention what you have done to take the initiative to reach out to someone socially like tutoring, going to the mall or library together. Leadership roles are fine and dandy for your college application transcript but do not earn you friendship brownie points. You actually have to say more than “Hi” in the hallway. You cannot expect to be approached. You must take the initiative.

    Would you consider taking a break of leadership activities and focusing on one-on-one activities with different people of other interests? Perhaps if you do feel the need to work in a leadership role, what about the more social groups like anti-bullying efforts, book reading clubs, tutoring other students, that is anything that puts in on a more individual basis with people and less crowds. What about being a mentor to freshman, to transfer students, to students who are English language learners, to learning disable students? There are many opportunities to reach out.

    All the best. You can get through this.

  42. Irene says:

    Yikes! Thanks for noticing that typo (now corrected). Thanks especially for your wise and experienced advice to Marcie.

    Best, Irene

    • Amy says:

      Hah. Cracked me up.

    • Ray says:

      Hi! I, along with my twin sister joined a new school in September 2013 and we feel like we have no friends! We were welcomed by this really nice group of girls but they are not exactly our type of people. We don’t share interests much. Whenever we try asking someone else if they want to hangout they always seem busy. Not that their lying but I wish someone would say yes. And this happened twice: we asked someone if we could sit with them and they said yes but 2 minutes later got up and sat somewhere else so we were sitting alone. We hate being such loners. We’re the kind of people who usually make friends within minutes but this is the first time we’ve joking a public school and it’s just so hard. Not having friends is getting us depressed. We’ve tried talking to someone older and everything but nothing seems to work. We’re tired of coming home crying.

  43. Amy says:

    Aside from Irene’s unfortunate typo about you attending PUBIC high school, lol, I agree with her advice.

    High school is a strange time of life. Most of the kids are treading emotional waters, trying to fit in. Often the ones who seem to have the most confidence are the most insecure.

    A lot of high school friendships are what you’ll call acquaintances when you’re older. Your peers obviously like and respect you, or else you wouldn’t be elected to offices. I’d bet that there are some kids who would love to be your friend, but they probably think you already have lots of friends. HS kids make a lot of assumptions about other people being secure and having friends, I didn’t realize this until my 15th reunion and talked to former classmates who I thought had tons of friends and realized they were just like me. At my 30th reunion last summer I talked with a woman I always looked up to, and she shared that she had no friends in HS. I told her, “I wanted to talk to you, but i thought you were too busy being pretty.” She laughed because she never saw herself as attractive. She thought I was too popular to talk to, but I stayed home every weekend. what a waste!

    So put yourself out there. Ask a shy kid to go to the mall with you next weekend, someone who might be a fun friend or someone who you’d like to get to know better. If the mall isn’t your thing maybe a movie would be better, because afterward you can go out to eat and you’ll have the movie to talk about.
    Go slowly with new relationships, sometimes going too fast can be intimidating.
    You might also join more clubs, if you like writing join the paper or lot magazine so you’ll meet others with your same interests.
    I just know there are kids who want to be your friend and if you sounded like the type of girl who’d be an annoying friend, I would NEVER say that.

    • kendall says:

      Wow, that’s great advice! I’m in the same boat as everyone else and I think you might have really changed me
      Thank you

Leave a Reply

Visit GirlfriendSocial.com

css.php