Recent Press

Website Let's You Rent a Friend

Paying for sex remains taboo (and illegal), but could paying for friends be the start of a new trend?

By Sarah Millar, QMI Agency

August 31, 2010

 

...Dr. Irene Levine, author of the book, Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Break-Up with Your Best Friend and thefriendshipblog.com, said sites such as Rent-A-Friend concern her because the relationship between the "friends" is unbalanced from the get-go.

"I think that the fatal flaw of a service like Rent-a-Friend is that the relationship isn't equal, balanced or reciprocal because 'rent' is being paid. For that reason, it is likely to be more transient than a real friendship," she explains.

"Will a rented friend hang around when you no longer can or want to pay? If you get sick? Are his/her motivations the same as yours? What commitment do you have to the rented friend?"

While Levine admits that there is a chance that some of the people who meet on the site can become "real friends," the odds are slim because there is little to bind these relationships except money.

"Real friendships are built slowly as people connect with each other and even they are dynamic and transient. My suspicion is that rent-a-friendships are even more fleeting."

 

Click here to read the entire article.

 

by Kaitlin Madden

CareerBuilder.com

August 30, 2010

 

Many studies over the past few years have shown that workplace friendships increase productivity, team morale and workers' overall job satisfaction; and since friends provide us with support, comic relief and a sense of belonging, it seems only natural that having friends at the office makes work more pleasant.

 

Yet despite the many benefits, experts advise that workplace friendships should be handled with care, given that they combine workers' personal and professional lives.

"Workplace friendships can be a double-edged sword," says Irene Levine, a professor of psychiatry at New York University School of Medicine and author of TheFriendshipBlog.com.

"Whether they are good or bad depends on the individuals and their roles. While relationships with colleagues can enhance creativity and job satisfaction, they should be approached with some caution. Some friendships fall apart and can make it very difficult to face your ex-friend each time you pass in the hall."

 

Click here to read the entire article. 

 

Friendship Interrupted

By Sally Koslow

September 2010

 

...You'd think that as fully vested adults, we'd have this thing down. But no. I keep hearing women lament that relationships they once considered indestructible have become casualties of various life assaults: divorce, widowhood, relocation, the empty nest, workplace bitch-slaps, health problems, glaring schadenfreude or, the most common reason of all, a simple drifting apart. Irene S. Levine, professor of psychiatry at the NYU School of Medicine and author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, claims that "the large majority of friendships are not forever." Say it ain't so, Irene! But the available evidence supports her conclusion... 

 

Click here to read the entire article.

The wonderful women/friends of The Traveling Journal interviewed The Friendship Doctor about the challenges of keeping long-distance friendships intact.

 

TTJ: Do you have any long distance friendships? If so, how do you stay connected to them?

Dr. Levine: Living and working in the Washington DC area for more than 15 years, I forged many close bonds there with friends who now live 250 miles away from me.

I learned that long-distance moves are disruptive to friendships in more ways than one. Not only do you have to contend with the logistical challenges posed by distance (the time and cost of travel) but your life circumstances change dramatically with a move as well. In my case, I became immersed in a new job and new community, with new colleagues and neighbors—and there was never enough time to keep up with old friends.

Some friendships simply drifted apart while others remained “stuck” like Krazy Glue. I like to think that the distance separated the more important friendships from the ones that were really just hanging on by a thread or that were more casual acquaintance based on convenience.

My close friends and I do whatever it takes to stay connected. Email, cell phone calls, text messages, notes, cards and small gifts cement the friendship in-between the times when we get to be together..

 

Click here  to read the entire Q & A.

 

"We've all felt the pain of romantic breakups. And while it's wrenching to be the breaker-upper, we do what we gotta do. Instead of feeling obliged to maintain a relationship when the connection has long soured, read on to learn how to gracefully make a break for a sweeter - and maybe even saner - life."

 

Click here to see the entire slide show.

Flare Magazine (Canada) August 16, 2010

Female Bullying

A look at the fastest growing social disease both online and in person 

By Rachel Giese

The scene was like something from The Hills. Dana Lacey, a 26-year-old writer, was at a Toronto bar with a group of friends, including her roommate-who happens to be a guy-and his new girlfriend. At one point, Lacey noticed the girlfriend and her friend were staring at her, giggling and playing with their phones. Later, Lacey found out the two women had been texting each other and making fun of how she was dressed. This wasn't the first time the girlfriend had been snarky with Lacey. "When they first started going out, I had invited her to dinner to make her feel welcome," Lacey says. "But my best attempts couldn't charm her.

Eventually, the girlfriend's behaviour-which was triggered, Lacey thinks, by jealousy-got so bad that it ruined Lacey's friendship with her roommate. He chose the girlfriend over her and Lacey decided she was too old to deal with that kind of toxic environment.

Unfortunately, while most women believe they would never be the cause of loading such emotional stress on a friend or acquaintance, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, many of us never really outgrow being a bully, says Cheryl Dellasega, a women's studies professor at Pennsylvania State University and author of the book Mean Girls Grown Up. "The [aggressive] behaviour just gets a little more polished and subtle [as we get older]." You know the transformation: The cool girl in chemistry class who didn't invite you to her post-graduation party becomes the office diva who "forgets" to forward you an important email at work. The fair-weather friend who flirted with your first crush turns into the frenemy who won't keep her manicured mitts off your fiancé.

"Bullying isn't uniquely female," says Irene Levine, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving A Breakup With Your Best Friend and professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine. "But there are always women who need to build themselves up by knocking others down. They may exclude, gossip, or do other things to demean one individual-particularly someone who seems vulnerable. Making someone feel alone, rejected and treating her as an outcast can be as vicious as a physical assault."

Click here to read the remainder of the article.

First for Women - July 26, 2010

No friend or friendship is perfect. So what do you do if you say or do the wrong thing? In this recent article in First for Women, The Friendship Doctor weighed in on what to say after you slip up.

National Times
JUDITH IRELAND
August 7, 2010

 

Australia - In her recently released track You Don't Know Me Anymore, Sally Seltmann highlights one of the gaping holes in our social repertoires - the little-mentioned subject of breaking up with friends. She sings: "When a friendship is ending it's quite different to breaking up, you dunno just what to say"...

 

As Irene Levine writes in her book Best Friends Forever, people in serious friendship break-ups can go through stages of grief reminiscent of the classic Kubler-Ross model. The lack of clear-cut ending lets the weirdness froth, bubble and linger...

 

Click here to read the entire article. 

July 23, 2010

WomansDay.com

...Perhaps you don't need to break up formally; often, letting a friendship that no longer feels close drift naturally into an outer orbit in your life works on its own, says Irene Levine, PhD, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend. But if the friend in question is toxic-the friendship's become one-sided and draining-you have to make a break, says Barreca. "Don't lie and say, ‘I'm too busy,' because it'll haunt you later." Be honest: "This friendship is just too hard for me right now. I wish you the best of luck with your problems, but I can't see you or talk to you so often anymore."

 

Click here to read the entire article.

The Friendship Doctor was recently interviewed by Nicole Elphick, a writer with Cleo, an Australian fashion and beauty magazine. Her article, Are You Too Unpicky With Your Friends?, in the August edition, raises the question of whether women aren't picky enough in choosing their friends.

 

 

Her Campus.com

July 17, 2010

By Cara Sprunk

"I dated Tim, who was a great boyfriend (and still is) but was really involved in his super-conceited fraternity. All the guys in it thought they were really hot and cool, just because they pledged this house. Every time I went to the frat house they were rude to me because I wasn't in a "cool" sorority and because I am a little shy. They would either say things to purposely make me feel uncomfortable, 'unintentionally' (I doubt it, that's what Tim said) make fun of my sorority, or ditch my boyfriend because they clearly felt uncomfortable around me."

Eleanor's friends tried to convince her to try to get along with Tim's friends, so that it wouldn't get between them, but her efforts were admittedly weak and therefore unsuccessful.

Dr. Levine suggests, "If you can't stand your boyfriend's friends, you have to figure out why he is hanging with them. You need to raise the issue with him and, perhaps, he'll be able to allay your concerns. If not, he may realize that there is a major problem with them that he has overlooked.

If you can't agree, you have the choice of either agreeing to disagree (and trying to minimize the time you spend with them as a couple) or you might realize that he has some of the same characteristics that irritate you and that you have inadvertently glossed over them." 

 

Click here to read the entire article. 

July 12, 2010

Thoughtful piece on John's blog about childhood friendships that quotes The Friendship Doctor:

When your child and a best buddy part ways, what should you do?

Sudden rifts are part and parcel of the tween and early teen years, MSN Lifestyle reports from Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer, author of Making Friends: A Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Child's Friendships. "This time is when kids are figuring out who they'll be as adults," she says. "They're separating emotionally from their families, identifying more with other kids. They often change friends until they find a good fit." Mix in raging hormones, Teenage girl depressed "mean girl" drama (or tough-guy bullying), and limited social skills - no wonder friendships often fizzle at this age. But as parents, do we watch helplessly or let our mama-bear instincts take over? While there's no single rule on when to step in, know this: "It's your kid's problem - not yours," says Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. "The ups and downs of friendship are rehearsals for adult intimacy, loyalty, and commitment. If you interfere too much, you rob kids of those lessons." But that doesn't mean you step out of the picture completely. Here, how to coach your kids through friendship crises...

Strike the phrase "best friend" from your vocabulary. It sets up unrealistic expectations for everyone, says Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine and author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend. The seemingly deep bonds that kids form in elementary school often fall by the wayside in the tween years, and kids need to be reassured that it's normal — and healthy — to have friendships of varying intensity. "The notion of a lifelong best friend comes from movies and books," says Levine. "It's actually very rare in real life."

 

Read the entire article here.

 

 

Kaitlin Madden
July 9, 2010

 

Many studies over the past few years have shown that workplace friendships increase productivity, team morale and workers' overall job satisfaction; and since friends provide us with support, comic relief and a sense of belonging, it seems only natural that having friends at the office makes work more pleasant. Yet despite the many benefits, experts advise that workplace friendships should be handled with care, given that they combine workers' personal and professional lives.

"Workplace friendships can be a double-edged sword," says Irene Levine, a professor of psychiatry at New York University School of Medicine and author of TheFriendshipBlog.com. "Whether they are good or bad depends on the individuals and their roles. While relationships with colleagues can enhance creativity and job satisfaction, they should be approached with some caution. Some friendships fall apart and can make it very difficult to face your ex-friend each time you pass in the hall."

 

Click here to read the remainder of the article.

On Saturday (June 26), I participated in a live radio interview with Liv and her friends on Get Real on 107.1 in Minneapolis/St. Paul. You can listen to me by clicking on the second hour of the program. My friend/colleague Debba Hauppert spoke on the first hour.

Click here to download the program.

June 18, 2010

by Max Fisher

 

Whether you're a parent or a kid, you probably think that it's healthy for a child to have a best friend. The New York Times might disagree. An article by Hilary Stout on Thursday cites experts and school administrators who say that when children pair up into best-friend pairs, it can create the cliques and exclusivity that lead to bullying. The contrarian argument presented by the Times is inspiring shock and criticism from across the Web. Here's the article and reaction....

 

...Some Kids Need a Best Friend The Huffington Post's self-declared "Friendship Doctor" Irene Levine writes, "The article glossed over the fact that there are differences among people (adults as well as children) in their need for friendships. By dint of personality, some kids are social butterflies and others prefer to spend more time alone, with an intimate best buddy, or with siblings or other family members. While there are strong cultural pressures to encourage children to expand their social circle, adults need to respect each child's friendship style and preferences."

 

Click here to read the article.