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My friend suddenly shut me out of her life

September 11, 2010 | By | 229 Replies Continue Reading
When you just can’t understand, sometimes it’s prudent to ask.

QUESTION

Dear Irene,

I have a friend that I felt was my best friend. She was in my wedding and we were pretty much attached at the hip. She called me a couple times a day, texted me, hung out with me or talked to me online (Facebook, AIM) almost every day.

Her grandmother died of cancer almost a year ago now. My husband and I were the only ones out of our mutual friends that were at the funeral and wake with her and her family the whole time. My husband actually was laid off the next day from work because he took the day off to be with her. Ever since then she has shut us out, she hasn’t called, text, come over, or talked to me when she is online.

I see her when we go out with mutual friends sometimes and this is when she talks to us as if nothing has happened. She says she’s been busy, but she goes out every other day with a couple of our mutual friends. Do you know why all of a sudden she would shut me out? I do not understand how you can get close to someone and then just stop talking to them and then say that you have been too busy when your clearly not to other friends. I would appreciate any kind of advice you can give. Thank you!!

Signed, Kelly

ANSWER

Dear Kelly,

Yes, this is an odd situation. It sounds like your friend dropped you like a hot potato so something must have happened that upset her. Have you explicitly asked her privately, when you’re not with other friends, if you did something to offend her?

Another thought: Did you tell her that your husband lost his job because he took off from work to attend the funeral? If so, I could see how that might have upset her. It is unfortunate that it happened but it was his decision to attend and be with her and you, not hers.

You are absolutely correct in thinking there is something you don’t know. The only way to find out is to ask. Otherwise, you will likely remain as distant as you are now.

Hope this helps.

My best, Irene

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Category: RESOLVING PROBLEMS

Comments (229)

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  1. Emily says:

    I have been friends with this person since the start of high school, we have are ups and downs of being best friends, but it just makes our relationship stronger. We have just stopped talking to each other,like we’ve shut each other out of our lifes and she hangs around with other people like Im not hear at all. Well recently she has been making rumors which are not true and were clearly upsetting me and she was writing a nasty little comment of me on her Facebook photo. I would like to be friends with her again, but I dont know what to do to get back with her- if she likes me? And if I should get back, to being friends.

  2. webding says:

    Yeah, very helpful Candace. I’m checking out this blog because a friend I’ve had for years suddenly ditched me recently.

    Since I don’t know what she’s mad or upset about (I went around to see her and although there was soft music coming from the house and 3 cars on the lawn “no one was home”.

    A week later I rang, her daughter answered and she said in the background: “I’m not home”. Well, the penny dropped at that point, and after feeling bad for a couple of days, this is how I see it: I’m not a user, I’m a good listener, I’m not needy. So what ever the problem is, I don’t feel that I’ve done anything too bad.

    Maybe the friendship has just run it’s course – I really don’t know. All I know is that I won’t take it too badly. People can come and go out of your life as they please.

    Try not to feel too badly. Treat yourself to something you would normally deem too extravagant. Take up a new hobby. Speak to a counselor. But really, let go. You can’t make a person like you, and it really doesn’t matter anyway. Really xx

    • Jimmie says:

      wwebding,

      I have had a similar situation happen to me. Thank you for helping me to understand this issue. I am going to move on with my life.

      afa

  3. layla says:

    you can get new friends if you give her a gift or say this: you are my friend and you know that,but also you need hope in you

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