Having a clingy friend can be very stressful and demanding. You need to decide whether you want to keep the friendship on the same track or make some changes.
My friend calls a minimum of ten times per day! I have done the whole “I’m busy, my grandson is here, late for church etc.” She talks on and on.
I stopped answering many of the calls only to get messages that would say it was IMPORTANT that I return her call. Every time so far, there has been absolutely no urgency to those calls whatsoever.
Recently, I got a call from her husband’s number that I answered assuming something may seriously be wrong with her. But no, it was her saying her phone battery was dead. No doubt a ploy to get me to answer! The conversation?? A great deal she found on dresses for her granddaughters!!
I’ve had several pop-up visits and today I received a text blatantly asking me where I was. I have told this friend that I’m a low-key person, not outgoing, and I don’t like talking on the phone. As you see…she hasn’t gotten the message.
I am also in a new relationship and as a 47-year-old woman, and finding a man as good as him is has been important to me. We all go to church together and she is a fine Christian woman. She would do anything for anybody, especially me.
I do not want to end our friendship but I don’t know what else to do! There has to be some mental issue behind this clinginess. It’s like a girl crush on me and she is dominating me. I feel so smothered. Please help. I am very non-confrontational.
You probably need to meet with your friend (or call her) to say that her friendship is important to you—but you need to step back a bit to focus on this new relationship. Tell her that you feel pressured now, that you have less time for yourself, and just don’t have time to talk on the phone as you did in the past.
You need to be firm and direct with this woman because it sounds like she is pressured and has little respect for your boundaries. I understand that this may be uncomfortable for someone who hates confrontation—but you can’t let some temporary discomfort stop you from addressing what could easily become a chronic problem.
Perhaps, you can come up with a plan to meet twice a month for lunch or to talk by phone on Saturday mornings to check in. Also, be sure to let her know how much you value your friendship (because it seems like you do), and that you don’t want to lose it, but that you also need to make some time for yourself and the new man in your life.
One question that occurred to me was whether your friend has always been like this, or whether this is something new? Has she been clingier since this man entered your life? If this is so, she may feel threatened that your new relationship with him will change the nature of your friendship with her.
Regardless of her motivations, you really have no choice but to do what’s best for you.
Hope this is helpful.
Other post on The Friendship Blog about strategies for handling a clingy friend:
- How can I handle a friend who is too clingy and self-absorbed?
- Help! My friend is too clingy!
- How to shake a clingy friend
- Why don’t friends just talk about it?
- Needy friends: A friend indeed?