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My BFF can’t stand my boyfriend!

It’s disconcerting when your best friend doesn’t see what you see in him~

 

QUESTION

Hello Irene,

I have a disturbing
scenario. My very best friend, whom I consider my older sister, is five years
older than me. She is married, happy with her relationship, and has a good job,
car, house and everything. On the other hand, I’ve gone through a painful break
up. During the four months after the break up, she was a great support during
this horrible time of my life. She did everything she could possibly do, even
going the extra mile for me.

 

However, after the
breakup, I found an amazing guy whom I have now been dating for 5 months.
My friend has been acting very weird. When she first met him, she pointed out
that he was the perfect guy for me. Now she doesn’t like me spending time with
him.

 

When I go and sleep
over at his place she starts fuming. She used to do the same thing before she
got married so I don’t see anything wrong with that. When we discuss it, she
makes up lame excuses. My boyfriend had also noticed this and she refuses to
hang out with both of us as we had in the past.

 

Once she told me, "Just
wait until he breaks your heart. Then don’t come crying to me." My boyfriend has
been understanding and tries his best to please her for my sake. He tells me to
invite her when we go out together but it’s not working. She is moody all the
time with me now because of this guy. How do I deal with her? Why can’t I have
a good relationship too? Please help me. I’m losing it. Please help me here…
am losing it :(

 

Signed, Jenna

 

ANSWER

Dear Jenna,

Either your friend
has a problem with your boyfriend or with the fact that you have a boyfriend.
Since she’s like an older sister, my hunch is that she may be making an honest
effort to protect you from getting hurt again. Another possibility is that she
is overly possessive.

 

You need to have a heart-to-heart with your friend to really figure out what’s going on.
Tell her how much you value her friendship and opinions, and ask her what her specific
concerns are about this relationship. Let her speak openly and listen to what
she is saying.

 

If you disagree with
her opinions about your boyfriend, you may have to agree to disagree for the
time being. It sounds like you don’t want to give up your friendship or the
guy, so the solution is to keep the two separate.

Hope this helps.

 

Best

Irene

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Comments (2)

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  1. Anonymous says:

    Hi lm going throw the same thing with my hustband and my BFF .l can’t choces between then there’s been vilonce between. Them both and now he wants to band me from haveing enything to do with her but l can’t just cut her off so now the police and the concel have said she band from my home for my hustband safty and iv been told that if l want to see her lm to go to her flat wich lm happy to do all l can sat is keep them apart but don’t push none of them away make time for them both its hard to make thise dison but only you can. Make it if she is not happy with thise then you will have to cut tiyes with her .best freaind our not no BFF is worth loseing your man over belave me hun but let them both no how thise is makeing you feel

  2. xZoEx says:

    Jenna, I am so sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this issue. I too had a BFF that was like a sister to me and when I started dating my husband, she was all for it because he had such a stellar reputation in our town. But after only a couple of weeks, she DEMANDED that I break up with him. Of course, that was really crossing a line with me. Her reasons were that my boyfriend had been “rude” to her. Nevermind the previous boyfriend she had that wouldn’t even speak two words to me…… so I blew off her demand and continued dating him & thank God I did because he is such a great husband to me. Btw, my boyfriend was not rude to her and tried very hard to be friendly to her for my sake & we too also invited her to go out with us on multiple occassions and she refused every single time. Now, when I refused to bow to my BFF’s demands that was pretty much the end of our very close friendship, at least on her side. I wouldn’t get the memo we were no longer friends for about another month when she unceremoniously dumped me over voicemail saying that I had chosen my boyfriend over her! So speaking from my own experience, you have to make these decisions yourself and if your “BFF” doesn’t like it then too bad. Good riddance, you really don’t want someone trying to control your relationships or be rude to other important people in your life. Friendship starts with RESPECT for each other and each others choices, good or bad. Boundaries are important and if you want to continue being friends with your BFF you’re going to have to talk to her about this issue, so good luck :)

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