I’m a junior in high school who has never
been the most popular person. I’m generally the weird girl who eats lunch alone
reading a book. However, over the past couple of years, I’ve made a few
One of these is a
guy who knows that I’ve liked him for a couple of years. He’s my best friend in
the world, and we used to be able to talk for hours on end about nothing at all.
Recently, though, it feels like we’ve been growing apart. For one, his
girlfriend seems to be getting between us. I still have feelings for him,
though the friendship is more important and I’m trying to get over him, but I
feel like I can’t say anything or do anything around her lest I make things
more uncomfortable. He’s one of only two or three people I trust
completely and he’s the only person who I’ve told about my depression and
We don’t talk for more than a couple
of minutes at a time, and nothing deeper than homework or superficial problems.
I’m worried that I’ve scared him off by telling him about my disorder, even
though he didn’t seemed fazed at the time. I’m worried that he doesn’t
think that he can tell me his problems any more, and I don’t want to burden him
with my issues any more than I have to. I’ve played shrink for friends
before, and I know how hard it is to feel responsible for their happiness.
What can I do to patch the friendship
up? Should I give him space for a while, or do I need to confront the
issue before we grow too far apart?
Given that your friend already has a girlfriend and you
still have romantic feelings towards him, I can see how this might complicate
your relationship—whether or not you had disclosed your disorder to him.
My guess is that not only is he aware of your feelings for
him but so is his girlfriend—which would make it difficult for him to
maintain the same close friendship he has had with you in the past.
It’s always disappointing when one person is more invested
in a friendship than the other. But it’s great you have made such strides in
connecting with other people, and that you felt comfortable and trusting enough
in this relationship to disclose a disorder you previously kept secret. On that basis, I would still score this as a highly successful
relationship—one that should help you gain confidence in yourself and your
ability to make friends in the future.
Yes, you have no choice but to give your friend the space he needs. When young people (male or female) get caught up in romantic
relationships, it’s common that they have less time for other friends. Try not
to take it too personally or blame yourself. Continue to nurture other friendships and maintain a cordial
relationship with this guy and his girlfriend.
I hope this helps.