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Making friends at 60: “I don’t want to die alone…”

QUESTION

Dear Irene,

How does one get over being so alone? I do have a few very good friends, but too few! I am dying of loneliness! I don’t know what’s  wrong with me that I can’t seem to “connect” and make new friends. I don’t want to die alone too! I’m turning 60 this year. Any suggestions??

Many thanks! Signed, Laura

ANSWER

Hi Laura,

Your question obviously follows my last post mentioning two tragic news stories recently published about older women who died alone without anyone noticing for some time. The imagery was chilling and most people would hate to think of dying that way.

Admittedly, there are times when it is tougher than others to make new friends. For example, college students are continually thrown into contact with other people in similar circumstances. Young moms can take advantage of abundant opportunities to make friends with parents of their kids or with other women involved in school committees. If someone’s working, she might become friends with colleagues. You haven’t told me much about you but it sounds like you’re at a place in life where you need to actively seek out friendships because it isn’t occurring naturally.

Making friends is more a matter of circumstances than age, per se. Unless there is something about you that pushes others away, if you follow your interests and remain actively involved with people, you will be able to replenish your stock of friends. The choice is yours: Get involved with cultural, political, or social groups. Join a gym, book club, cooking club, or take a class. Volunteer in your community at the library or hospital. If you have a dog, start up a conversation with another dog walker on your route. Dogs and new babies are always great conversation-starters.

One caveat: Don’t expect too much too soon. Friendships take time but if you are welcoming to potential friends and pursue your own passions, you’ll be able to turn new acquaintances into deep friendships over time. If you come across as desperate or clingy, it might be a turnoff to a future friend-to-be. Being aware of your loneliness and that you want close friendships is an important first step. I hope this is helpful.

Warm regards, Irene

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Category: Making friends at 60

Comments (1,574)

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  1. Steve says:

    It is very tough for many of us men at the age of 60 now making friends especially that we had been married at one time. And for us meeting a good woman to settle down with is very hard nowadays unlike years ago that would’ve been a lot easier than today. Really sucks being single these days.

  2. Belinda says:

    I am a woman in her early 60s and am looking for solid relationships. It seems like some women still play telephone games for one of my friends always wants me to initiate calling her and am not certain why,(she’ll says call me later) and I have another friend that likes talking about 2 or sometimes 3 times a day and to me that is too much. I know that we have different levels and types of friends, but am looking for friends that no longer play high school games. Am I expecting too much?

  3. Jane says:

    At 59, I am looking for less friends not more. I do not have many friends but I realize I should spend my time with people I authentically enjoy being around. I know that I will die alone. I do not have children, but I did not go through 20+ years of work required to raise children. I used to think I wanted a man. Now I enjoy my own company and learning new things. People do not exist to fill a void and it is annoying to be around needy people who suck me dry, including my own sister. It may seem harsh, but my time and existence are no less important than theirs. So how much do I owe them? People have clay feet and inevitably will fail you if you rely on them too much. So you have to have an inner core. The woman whining about having no friends is not talking about wanting to be a friend. She is talking about other people being a friend to her. She is the kind of person I now avoid like the plague. She should not be looking for more friends. She should be looking for more interests.

    • Laura says:

      If you have other people in your life, of course you’ll be disappointed at times, because we’re all human, and humans make mistakes. Part of life is being vulnerable and allowing yourself to trust and love. I’ll take that over being along any time.

    • Ben says:

      I like your spunky post and agree that re-assessing what is important in a friend is crucial to growth. I don’t think that anyone would not want to be liked or loved in a friendship. I know I am at a stage in my life where I am trying to learn how to give in a healthy way without being dependent. I believe in “inter-dependence.” In many ways we do get what we allow ourselves to get. If we allow people to dominate us, they will. If we give to the point of getting out of balance we will. It’s hard to change old habits and develop new ones. Life ain’t no dress rehearsal. Sometimes the pain seems more than a person can bear and other times there is joy. I can only hope in being more “authentic” I will attract more “authentic” people.

      • Laura says:

        Spunky? I thought it was stone cold, bereft of emotion and depressing as hell.

        • Janie says:

          Dang I wish her name (jane) was not so close to mine. She makes no sense in the way she explains that she doesn’t need any friends. Her sister sucks her dry, but again I state she has a sister so doesn’t need any other friend. I have seen it over & over thru out my life. Sister = permanent friend. Many of us have had good friends in our youth that have died or move away & find it hard to connect to people of our age. I don’t know where to meet anyone my age. Maybe in some towns it is easier but not so much in a small town, at least for me. The lady is cold hearted & mean spirited. I would avoid her for sure. If life is so simple what brought her to this site? Loneliness maybe. Many are looking for ideas on how to connect w/ new friends not be made fun of & ridiculed while feeling sad or lonely.

      • Jane says:

        Ben, Laura thinks I am cold and bereft of emotion. You think I am spunky. So I would invite you to my next dinner party and not Laura. Life is that simple.

    • Angela says:

      I am sorry to say this, but you are so cold. I would not want to be around someone like you.

      • Jane says:

        You are not around me. This is an anonymous forum of absolute strangers. What are you doing in the real world? Join a charitable cause. Make dinner for someone else. Learn a skill… I learned to code websites and help friends start second businesses when they retire… Write a cookbook for a charity. There is a lot to do in the world and there is always someone lonelier than yourself. I see people whining about wanting friends when it is simply a matter of looking around and being a friend to someone else. I find people like yourself who make snap judgments without really knowing what they are dealing with. This is not the place to find friends. This is a blog built to generate comments and it is in some way being monetized by the owner. Facebook friends are not real friends. They are personas. This is no different than Facebook. So if you want friends, do something for someone else. Don’t waste time oozing emotion in an online forum. That is meaningless and has no substance.

        • Laura says:

          Facebook friends are real if you take it beyond Facebook and the internet. I do agree that an exclusive internet friendship is one dimensional and impersonal, and not a way to really know someone.

    • Liz says:

      I would just like to ask Jane, why did you join this site then?

      • Laura says:

        Great question!

        • Rhonda says:

          well, lets not play into the game… when someone has so much anger in them, there’s no other way but to dredge it out on a blog or forum like this one. .. there’s nothing left to do but not comment.. Not wanted .. ignore it.

  4. Florence says:

    I do fail to understand some people,you have found a man who is rich & you love each other but still you are complaining of loneliness,why? What more do some people want? When looking for a friend don’t look @ what that person has,we do make mistakes,with or without money you can make a strong friendship & again don’t consider the out look of a person but the heart then that relationship will grow strong.Keep what you have because it is not easy to find someone who will love you or you will end up changing friends from time to time which is bad,be proud of what you have.

  5. Ben says:

    I moved to the Southeast from the Northeast over a year ago and what I found really took me aback. People in Florida are more friendly than people from Maine. I would have thought because of the fewer people in Maine it would have been just the opposite. I have been through all the major dating websites (including E-*******) and have had no results. I was an active member of Facebook until I got tired of “faux friends.” I find it sad when someone sends you a friend request and you respond with a simple message of “wazzup” and get not response. I doubt highly that no person ever had a 1000 “friends” in their life. I do know what it is like to be in love. I also know what it is like to settle. One of the positive benefits to growing up is that the head and heart become more connected and that helps prevent making bad choices and making more thoughtful choices. I actually like myself today which I could not say in early adulthood. Nice to know this blog exists. Carpe Diem!!!

    • Irene says:

      I don’t want to malign the state of Maine but I recalled another poster speaking about the difficulties of making new friends in Maine: http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/my-home-away-home-making-friends-maine/

    • Did a search to see if it was normal to enjoy living alone and came across this one. There are times I worry, like I hit myself in the head today with a heavy chain… ouch… thought about what would happen if it had knocked me out? Nobody would have noticed until my body started to smell and my animals were starving to death. LOL… sorta – scary too. That is the only thing that I don’t like about being alone. I am not unattractive and like men, but every date I have had, I think, do I really want a man in my life? Not sure… so, maybe check here now and then to see what others think.
      Lelsie

      • Muna says:

        Leslie: I know exactly what you are talking about, and I feel the same way about it. Would you like to exchange emails? Is there any way to send you a private message here?

        I am a divorced and straight female, 59 years old.

        Muna

        • Happy to! [Email address removed by moderator; if you want to connect with a friend you find on this blog, you can connect through Facebook. See: http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/something-new-check-out-friendship-blog-connection-facebook/
          Leslie

          • Muna says:

            Irene’s solution requires that I must have an account at facebook in order to log into her Friendship Blog Connection that is to be able to receive an email address from a person here. I am sorry, I am not keen to have an account at facebook, never. So, Leslie, if you are reading this I am sorry we have to find another way to exchange emails, this site have deleted your email address, very sorry.

            I am wondering if I can leave a link to a penpal site here…??

          • Muna says:

            Leslie, your email address is removed, I can not contact you here. Irene advices that I should go to facebook to get it but I will not deal with facebook. Do you go to penpal sites, perhaps you should post a profile on several of those sites, I can find you there?

  6. High School Diploma says:

    Such an interesting post you have shared with us,Thanks for sharing.

  7. Pat K says:

    I live in Northern Colorado and joined a group of wonderful ladies via meetup.com and we meetup for a book club meet and dinner once a month. That is all the socialization I need and perfectly happy. I had a wonderful friend,she was the best friend anyone could wish for unfortunately she passed away. I think that having had such a good friend has made it difficult for me to connect with others. Not comparing but I tend to try too hard or not at all.

    • Linda says:

      This month marks a year’s passage of losing my very best friend to Cancer, and even though there are other friends, my grief over her is so very major and continues to be a huge impact in my life. I just selfishly wanted to find someone else, somewhere, who also stated that their friend also unfortunately passed away, as this feels impossibly lonesome and empty, but perhaps a terrible thing to admit. Maybe I can feed this emptiness by just reading that other people want to talk about such a difficult issue. Women love to chat, bless them :-) I am glad to have Googled and found this site.

      • Pat K says:

        @ Linda: It is an awful thing to lose someone very close especially women, we tend to open up to someone really special and when we lose them it is just a big huge void. I pray that you find a friend to be close to again. I believe that all of us that look too hard will not find that special friend but if we relax and this comes from my own experience that I can find another friend. And I need to stop comparing whomever I meet to my dearest friend Joyce. I lost my friend to cancer as well, way too young. She was only 56 and it will be 6 years this May 21st.

  8. Florence says:

    I read your story so similar to mine & 1 thing I liked about you is that you’re open minded.

  9. Dear Friends,I am reading this blog and like,seen all the people hate their self,this is very bad,there are so many things we can love,as different type of flowers,music,animals and birds.Try to love animals and birds they do not know about hate ,they know about love.GOD made us so we should love our self.Why should we think about die,through it on nature,our death time is fixed,try to be happy and make happy others.If I have no car so I am unlucky it is funny.In our beautiful world how many people died with hunger,try to see them and be happy.You can say me mad but I am not,those who have no friends can say me friends,fast friends,mail me talk to me,I am free ,yours own sanjiv

  10. Ewa says:

    I am 55 active ,in good shape and very very lonely. I have activity and interest in life but still …I am not rich, I pay bills it’s not about money, I need someone in my life.The only problem is I live in Chicago and I don’t have a car. It’s not a commend to the anyone post, just I don’t want to die alone.

    • Jib says:

      I read constantly that love comes from within, that we must love ourselves before anyone else can love us. I did this and it’s amazing if you love yourself because then you do not need anyone else. I am looking at a huge mistake here by many women including myself, that we are looking for somebody else to make us feel better. Wrong, it is wrong to look for happiness outside of you, work on you and you don’t need some worthless abusive man.

      • Janie says:

        Jib, I think many on here are just looking for a couple of friends to bike ride, walk, eat out, movies, theater, someone to talk with that can relate, etc. I think many older women such as myself aren’t looking for a relationsip. Maybe some but I bet many are looking for gal pals.

        • barb daley says:

          Hi, im in need of gal pals just for movies n walks an someone to do things with. I am married but he is not here often as he works cobstanty even if hes home. Now at this age my children n g.children grown i find myself with no
          ne to do thibgs with, any advice?

        • Sher says:

          You hit the nail on the head. My kingdom to find gal pals to spend sometime with. Someone to have dinner with or a glass of wine once in a while. It is so hard to find other women to befriend especially at 65. I take care of my 87 year old mother who lives with me and I still work part time. So time is short but I can find time for that hard to find special friend. All I can do is keep looking and put myself out there more.

        • MG says:

          Exactly Janie. I just need some true in person friends and I am having a devil of a time making any at this stage of my life (turning 60 soon). It doesn’t help that I am introverted and eschew Facebook. But as someone said above 1000 Facebook friends is meaningless. I thought that from the first. Add in the concept of unfriending or friending and it is absurd. I blame social media for a lot of our difficulties with meeting live friends. I have been unable to scale the walls of my neighborhood clique and just long to replace my dear running and biking buddy that I lost. Meet-ups unnerve me and I am not a church goer. I am married 40 years and my husband is retired, home with me, and well many of you can probably relate to that.

        • Cynthia says:

          Janie, I’m with you, I just need some gal pals to hang out with, or at least have someone to talk to on the phone sometimes. I divorced my ex 14 years ago, moved back to my hometown to help my son get back on track and spent about ten years focused on him and his recovery. Now, it seems I’ve lost myself along with everything else. All my old friends have been long gone. It’s like I just woke up and realized, I am all alone, at age 55, and starting over from scratch! OMG. It is scarey, confusing, and very, very lonely and depressing. Add to that, just as I was getting on my feet from the divorce, the big recession came along, and I lost everything, again! If anyone would like to chat sometime, please feel free to contact me.

      • Belinda says:

        You are so right, this is exactly what Ive found. I still get lonely from time to time by I am not focused on finding a mate. Its a great feeling to know I am enough for the rest of my life, its not a have to to find a mate.

    • JOHN says:

      ewa, sorry you dont live in milwaukee, i would love to meet you, and dont worry about the money thing, companionship is better than gold

    • Chrissy From UK says:

      Hi Ewa,

      I am Chrissy from UK and read your blog. The reply was so correct for all of us, we must love ourselves first before anyone else can love us. I know this ,because i am living this now.

      I am in the same situation and don’t have a car, even though i had being driving for 28 years. I get on the bus and talk with a lot of people by doing this, more so now after getting rid of my car.

      Keep your chin up hun.

    • Joseph kezar says:

      NnHi my name is joe I lost my wife of forty years. She was my best and only friend I can’t stand not having any one but I have 2 kids but my son never talks to me once in a blue moon he will text me about 1 word it’s like I lost my wife and son. My daughter calls me every couple of days and I can unload my sadness on her but she has3 young kids so her time is very limited.to have no one i

      • Laura says:

        So sorry to hear about your loss, Joe? Have you thought about joining a support group for people who have lost their spouses? That might be a good way to make friends with others going through the same thing. You could check with your local municipality or house of worship for a referral.

      • Sheila says:

        I feel your pain..tho I am not widowed I don’t have kids either., alone is Alone regardless and its difficult to find people to relate to. I pray tonite you find some joy in your life.
        Sheila

      • That makes me sad… as they say, you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family… may have that backwards?

    • greta says:

      Look, of course you going to die alone…do you want someone in the coffin with you??? Dah?? When you Dead, you dont know about anything anymore! You R DEAD as a DODO – SO, what are people going on about here…??
      You arrive in this world Alone… and you Leave Alone… unless you are a twin… things may be different…
      There is SO much to do..more than Ever Before- Can you Imagine.. having a accident So bad, that you are unable to see, or even wash yourself,eat or walk ???? Think about it seriously.. wingers.. So, get your shit together.. go on.. get out there… and Enjoy your life while you are still alive…

      • JoAnn says:

        Great reply, and good laugh!
        And what about that special circumstance of being a conjoined twin?! Ehhh…….

      • don says:

        Its really sad, when you people say things, and have no idea what their talking about until their alone. being alone may not be because we chose to maybe we in our 60 learned to let go of who we loved and know their young and their living their life as a parent as a single dad all these years I let go am I empty yes am I lonely very. why because I do not drink or party or try to be someone I’m not. but I am full of positive thinking even though its scary being alone. too many game player even at our age. how stupid we become. I tried to keep working even though I retired but full of energy in me. yes I still dream just maybe I can still find a female friend who just want to enjoy life with someone who want to share his life. I will stop here there really is so much more I can say. but I am sure some negative feed will come on. but remember when your alone you will understand the feeling.

  11. diane says:

    I’m getting older and its very weird. I divorced after 28 years@! I quickly met another man and now 3 years later I’m wondering what the hell do I want. The man I choose is rich and a big a drinker. I love him and he is soo good to me. but I long for a man who’s more my soul mate? like just more into the same conversation topic’s or maybe I long to be alone? and just do the friend thing? All I know is I just don’t feel right. I feel lost. I feel alone.

    • Ben says:

      Settling for less than you want will lead to much unhappiness…

      • Jane says:

        Everything has a price. If you want financial security, you have to put up with having a drunk who cannot hold a conversation. If you are willing to be alone and take care of yourself, you are free to make your own choices. If you know something does not feel right, why are you doing it? You are not settling. You are making a choice.

  12. sanjiv says:

    My name is Sanjiv from India.By profession teacher age 46 ,married and have two children.I feel lack of friends but why I like female friends because of nice heart,so I tried many many site of friendship but failed then i saw friendship blog.My friends do not like me because i say the bitter truth on their face.love for truth is my weakness.How can i get my best and nice friends.

  13. sazzad says:

    i have no money
    last 5 years i just struggle with my life.
    my mom is so sick last 4 yaers.her diease is MCTD dr. said there is no specific treatment for this diease .
    i just hate my life
    i wanna die

    • Irene says:

      I’m sorry to hear about your mother’s illness and your situation but this blog isn’t really the place for you to look for the type of help you need. You need help closer to home.

      • A free 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) is available to people in crisis (or their loved ones) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are routed to local crisis centers.
      • In the UK or Ireland, Samaritans offers confidential support at 08457 90 90 90.

    • Nancy says:

      I’m glad you are reaching out to someone, even if it’s here. Do try to find a support group. Use local agencies for assistance, food banks, etc. I will pray for you! You are not alone.

      • anne says:

        I find when lookig for always makes me look needy so I only talk with people when I feel ood about myself. But ido find that a lot of people do not listenso I dont waste my time listening to them.

    • Ally says:

      I just want to encourage you and let you know that I prayed for you tonight. I too do not have much money and all of my children have nearly left home. I get lonely sometimes but know that God is alongside me always and cares about all my problems. Please know that I am genuine and care.

  14. Rosie says:

    I used to have lots of friends. I didnot marry [looked after elderly person who had raised me]. I was very attractive [so I was told] dated but time went by. I am out of a dreadful relationship [4years] that left me broken. I am 63 but I am very young looking [so I am told] ageing is a natural process – I think where loneliness comes in is, I am slightly disabled. I have bad arthritis in my feet. This makes me tired. I love fun and laughter, but I lost my job and I don’t work anymore, hence my income is very limited, I cannot afford much and live a very simple and humble life. I dress quite well and do my own hair etc., and nobody would guess but I am dying with loneliness. When I hit bad times and lost money, friends dissapeared, I have no kids so thats even lonelier, I have 2 friends who are grandmothers but only see them now and again for coffee. Theyre lives are v different. I can be shy at first and I feel trapped and losing confidence.

    • Ted says:

      Rosie,
      I’m a 67 year old male and have similar health concerns, as you’ve outined. I’d like to find a “Female Best Friend”.
      I live in CT and wonder where you live?

      • Irene says:

        Hi Ted,

        Thanks for visiting. This blog isn’t intended to match people, either for platonic or romantic relationships. It’s educational and focused on helping people improve their friendships.

        Best, Irene

    • Natasha Johnson says:

      Hi, Im also 63 and living on SSDI. Currently, just traveling around us. Been living below poverty line most my life. Email if you just want to chatter about stuff. At our age, we are time machines to the past with a lot to say.

    • Chrissy says:

      Hi

      I felt sad reading your blog, but can relate to some of it. First let me tell you I have one daughter and gave her all the love and material things I never had growing up ,it has not paid off ,she left home at 18 years to live with a lad off the internet and that was 9 years ago and yes ,you can guess she is not with this lad now.. Our Mother daughter relationship is none existent fro the time ,but live in hope when she has kids she will mature and understand more.

      When she left home at 18 years ,it broke my heart we seen each other from time to time but she moved away to live in Liverpool and always hurting me ,because her Dad rejected her from birth. But I gave her all and forgotten about ME!

      What I am trying to say to you, is it doesn’t matter if you have kids or not, you must love yourself first and things will open up for you. I am at the end of my journey of loving myself and it feels GREAT!! Reborn again..

      Keep your chin up hun!

  15. Petra says:

    Although I am only in my 40s, I came across this web site because I feel a bit lonely after moving back to (my native) Germany and I searched for advice.
    Meetup.com was my lifesaver twice: after moving to Canada a few years back when I knew no-one, and again when I returned to Germany and the few friends had moved into different directions (they had families while I am still single).

    What I like about Meetup: you get to meet a lot of people at the same time and find out quickly who you get along with and who to avoid. And there is no obligation to participate in events when you join a group. There are lots of activities grouped by interest, especially if you live close to bigger cities, be it going for walks, dancing, dinner, movies, and groups specifically for the 50+ crowd.
    I met a lot of people in Canada and made some very good friends. If there had not been any active Meetup groups in the area of Germany where I am now, I might not have come back because I had been very lonely before I left for Canada.

    Now I might just be too impatient for acquaintances becoming friends or wishing for more activities in the region where I live.

  16. Kathy Rose says:

    mind set is very important to handle the various situations in life without losing hope even in the last days.

  17. Joan says:

    I have never felt that being divorced, and almost 60, would be a negative for me until recently. I have lived and worked in Europe for almost 10 years and will be coming back to the US next fall. The thought of starting all over again is a terrifying. My kids are off living their own lives, and I have to relocate in an area where I will be without family again. I am hoping I will meet friends through work. I see, through all of you, that there are others that feel as lonely as I do. I do believe that having a pet, that is ecstatic to see you when you get home, is helpful. I was thinking about retiring in two years but it might be better for me socially and financially to retire at 65. I don’t think I am spontaneous enough for internet dating:). I like your suggestion about meet up.com, Starbrite.

    • debby says:

      Hey Joan I agree about the pet getting one unconditional love is the best love.where are you in Europe.There are clubs to join utalian american club or irush american.cooking classes so on.I guess sometimes hobbies help to meet friend.I had a bunch of friends little by little they are leaving passing on.I feel so alone with out them.why dont all of us girls communicate start our own social club? What do you say?? I’m game anyone else?

      • Joan says:

        I am in Germany (moved here in July) and I lived 6 years in Italy. I would love to be part of a social club! What a great idea:). I am not sure where I will be working next year. I am hoping either Fl, WA State or NM.

      • Joan says:

        Debby and Barb, if you search this site under email exchange, I posted a message with my email address.

    • Barb says:

      In case my email didn’t show. I am in MD no family here, divorced, would love to hear from you

  18. pariah says:

    Same here. You are not the only one out there. Good luck getting rid of feeling lonely. My ex kept me isolated from everyone so, when we divorced, I decided to get out more. Tried to get involved in my kids’ activities at school. tried talking to my kids’ friends parents. Nothing. I thought I had made a friend in 2003 but then she sued us and abandoned us. I have been completely friendless since 2006 and I still hate it. I just can’t accept that there is no one out there at all that I could be friends with.

  19. Margy says:

    turned 60 last year , had moved home, retired and then husband walked out one day after returning from a month in Australia! I can’t get used to being on my own. How do you meet people when you sit alone day after day in the house. Most of my friends live too far away just to pop for a cup of tea or a drink

  20. i hear what you lonely people are saying. it has just been terrible the past few years , im attractive , 61 years old and financially set, but dates with women im attracted to forget it.im either too old or they want the moon from me, what the hell happen to decent people who want a normal relationship without all kinds of selfish wants. i seriously think many women in their late 50’s and 60’s just dont care about relationships anymore. maybe it is hormone deficiency

    • Julie says:

      I’m not lonely, I have my pc. But we ladies aren’t all the same. Some of us are nice girls, I might be 57 but I don’t take the mick out of people specially because of peoples situations. Only started coming on here about 3 weeks ago, and sent messages, but no replies.

      • john says:

        having a PC is not nearly the same as having a loving man in your life.if you could let me know where all these nice women are I would be grateful.i know alot of people, but having a special spmeone is the only way to go in life

        • Anne says:

          Dear John, There are more “older’ women than men out there. Why don’t. U belong to some association: the over 60, university of the third age, voluntary services etc. if u do notbgetbout u will not find a partner. Hope this has been helpful

          • john says:

            thanks Anne,but im so busy at work its hard to get out and join clubs, etc,i wish i could meet a local woman who has had her flings in life and would be ready to settle down to a slower paced home life with a successful man. the clocks ticking and why some women are still willing to wait for the perfect guy who does not exist beats me

            • peggysue says:

              hi john, I know you dont know me, but I came across your conversation with anne.I must say with all honesty I agree with what you said. where is your area. thanks for the time…

              • JOHN says:

                HELLO PEGGYSUE, I LIVE IN MILWAUKEE , WISCONSIN, A BIG CITY BUT GEARED FOR THE YOUNG, AND BEING 61 IT IS HARD TO MEET WOMEN WHO HAVE TAKEN CARE OF THEMSELVES LIKE I HAVE ALL THESE YEARS. PEOPLE USED TO MAKE FUN OF ME GOING TO THE GYM , BUT WHEN I SEE HOW THEY LOOK NOW OLDER THAN THEIR CHRONOLOGICAL YEARS, IM GLAD I KEEP FIT. IT WOULD BE A GOD SEND TO MEET AN ATTRACTIVE / FINANCIALLY STABLE WOMAN TO SPEND WHATS LEFTY OF MY LIFE WITH.SOME OF THE WOMEN IVE DATED ARE SO IN DEBT, OR HAVE LITTLE OR NO EARNING POTENTIAL ITS FRIGHTENING. IM TOO OLD TO GO THROUGH ANOTHER DIVORCE. MY EX-WIFE WAS AWONDERFUL WOMAN FOR THE MOST PART, WE JUST GREW APART, AND I WOULD LIKE TO FIND SOMEONE WITH HER POSITIVE ATTRIBUTES. HOPE YOU ARE WELL PEGGY

                • Janie says:

                  I love the elderly people on this site claiming they look 20 & even 30 years younger then their age, can’t stop laughing. I was at a trade center this weekend & one elderly lady was telling me she makes $500 a day being an Eliz. Taylor look a like in Vegas, dang was she an old hag with tons of make up on. Then this other old lady was telling me she was an important govt. employee & traveled to the Pentagon alot. Both having junky booths by themselves. I was just shopping & couldn’t believe that strangers brag how beautiful & great they are. I politely excused myself quickly. What happened to humbling yourself. Maybe you make believe you look so youthful but I could bet that a mirror may tell a different story. You may think you look 20 going to a gym but your skin sags & looks old & will never be that 20 year glow again. Please face facts & grow old gracefully, it is really a better way to go.

                  • Mae says:

                    well Janie you can really hand it out
                    can’t you?–who are you to decide who is
                    beautiful and who is not?–if someone thinks
                    they look younger than they are so what–
                    if it gets that person to a gym or just out
                    and about who cares how much makeup they
                    ware?–old hag-junkie booths–grow old
                    gracefully–sounds very judgmental to me
                    –be careful Janie words wound too: Mae

              • john says:

                peggysue, did you read my last entry??

            • Lori Bres says:

              Part of your problem is the amount of time you spend working. How are you supposed to meet anyone if you don’t try. I am 59, divorced, female and there are few men out there and those that think their job is more important than their life are ones I have no use for. You don’t want a friend or a companion, you want a housemaid. Well, hire one then. We have no use for your type.

              • john says:

                lori, its not that my job is more important than some woman i would love to date, its just that the choices one has at 60 are few and far between. i would be happy to curtail my work for the right woman, but so far no luck, and dating sites forget it, there is more incinserity on them than in Washington

    • Sher says:

      John, Don’t clump us all into one category. I know that can be easy to do but we (women) all not all out here looking for something but friendship from each other. I would love to find either a male or female friend without wanting nothing more then friendship from them. So maybe you are attracting the wrong type without even realizing it. Please leave hormones out of it!

  21. Ron says:

    Feel the same. Wanted to get married and have a family, but an accident set me back a few years. Now I’m 50. Left home and moved 2400 miles away, never went back. Since I’m single, no woman will even get close. I go into the back country by myself, bike by myself, live alone. so I ask you; What is the point? Feel like I’m just using the air someone with a future should be using.

    • Russ says:

      Ron i hear you. I have no more family so if it weren’t for my religion i’d bite the bullet.

    • Joan says:

      I am sorry to hear that. Sometimes I forget that there are men out there feeling just as isolated. As for you being 50, single/never married, that might actually be a plus for some women. It is really difficult to meld into a ready made family, if older children aren’t ready or willing for their parent to move on. Some women might find your marital status a relief.

  22. starbright says:

    I am 61 and look I am told like I am 40 this is a problem. the older guys think I am a gold digger (I am financially stable pension). The younger guys look to me for their financial security. I am just sitting here like a deer in the headlights. I exercise daily because it gets me out of the house and in contact with others if only for an hour…I go to concerts with girlfriends…but I am still lonely as hell…I have no clue what to do about this. I do not want a roommate. or a buddy. I want a deep meaningful relationship but I just do not see that in my immediate future..I am tired of going to the traditional meetup places…they have not yielded anyone of worth for me emotionally.

    • 2nd chance says:

      Wow. Who knew this was going to be so hard! It wasn’t that many years ago lady’s wanted to be with me,but I was married. Now can’t find 1 with a bloodhound. I appreciate your story. I thought it was just a man thing.

      • starbright says:

        No its not a man thing. I think the age of texting and being impersonal, not creating face to face talking has taken a toll on our “manners” and personal well being. People do not know how to interact anymore. I met a guy 66 for first time meeting first thing out of his mouth was how he liked sex?????????? well I do too but I dont think that is the way to start a conversation. I mean at 16 with hormones raging that would have been a consideration not at 61 I think you have to talk to me about other things to get me interested and have an emotional attachment first…He told me he couldnt wait 3 months for that attachment…adios …. if he had hung in there he might have found that it could have been less time…but since he didnt even want to try to get to know me why should I waste my time? this is just crazy…ness.. If you want sex go pay for it…I want a relationahip ..friends and sex and the hold 9 yards. If I screwed every person I dated what does that make me? come on guys, duhhhhh. match, eharmony, datehookup it seems to me guys do not know how to “court” someone…time invested is what you get back out of it…zero investment…zero relationship…am I wrong…thinking like this?

        • starbright says:

          then their is this on a dating site…this is just what the hell I want to do (sarcasm) be a sisterwife, “I’m seeking another woman to join our family who believes a relationship should be equal with the man as head of household and able to provide for his family whether it be financially, emotionally or physically. Unfortunately in this day and age where most men need to be taken care of by the women they’re with, has forced women to take on the role of men. And it’s rare to find a woman with traditional values. We live in a monogamous relationship, and we are seeking another woman to join our family long term. We are down to earth, and have a no stress no drama relationship, we have no problems and have a very laid back home life. We are seeking more than just another woman, we are looking for a sister wife who is not bi-sexual, because what we seek is not about sex, it is about a committed life long relationship. I’m retired from the military, emotionally, and financially secure,and would like to find a woman who is free-spirited, and enjoys a variety of interests, and knows that with honesty and communication we can share a lifetime of unconditional love.”

        • Laura says:

          No, I have heard exactly the same experience from my friends who use those sites. Seriously, go get a hooker. If that was the first thing someone said to me on a date, I would be up and gone at that moment.

        • Joan says:

          No, you are SO right about this. I had a man tell me that if I would not comply, he could easily find a younger woman. I, in my “older years” should be grateful for his interest. Really????? I still get a laugh from that. I would rather be friends first, that would weed out the players.

    • greta says:

      In the same boat… what to do??.. just enjoy yourself…. concentrate on You… I Just do it!. GO dancing.. GO to Movies, Concerts, Travel.. Restuarant..ALONE… if a friend wants to come along… fine.. I dont rely on ANYONE anymore to make my life work….
      I belong to cycling groups, music, reading.. and art groups… BUT these people are Not friends… they are people to chat with… and it breaks up the monotony of being alone.
      My family are IN OZ… Im intouch with them… kids in London… have their own lives, and programmes… and I certainly dont want to interrupt things there. SO in a nutshell… this is the New World..
      Everyone is alone… even married people…. who are trapped…
      Consider your self really Lucky… you look good,feel good, healthy,no money problems.. Just BE….
      btw find me on Twitter….

      • Janie says:

        Greta, I don’t know anywhere to go dance, don’t dance so well. I am afraid of traveling alone, could get murdered if my older SUV breaks down. To sit in a restuarant alone is no fun & I would prefer carry out instead of looking bewildered. I don’t belong to any groups, for one thing I don’t believe there are any groups in my area. I ride my bike alone in spring & summer. I walk my dog alone in summer. I sit in my kitchen alone. I sit on my porch swing alone. I rarely visit my grandkids that live close by cause I don’t feel welcomed by the wives of my sons, so don’t bother, they seem happier that way anyways. After retirement no one prepared me for this complete isolation. Maybe I am responsible for this but I think the older pals I had abandoned me totally & are very short & unfriendly towards me when I do see them. I do agree with you that health is very important along with money stabilty so I feel somewhat at ease today. If I can only get over the lonely feeling & accept it like you have all will be well.

        • JOHN says:

          JANIE I FEEL FOR YOU AS IM IN THE SAME BOAT TO SOME DEGREE.MONEY AND HEALTH ARE VERY IMPORTANT, BUT HAVING A SPECIAL SOMEONE TO SHARE LIFES JOYS AND HARDSHIPS WIT IS VITAL TO ONES PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL WELLBEING

        • irene says:

          your very open about this lonely thing thanks i agree this is my first response and I can’t bother to be with folks just to be with some human rather be alone then just someone unworthy of my company, thanks so for being real I trust real folks..Irene.BC Canada.

      • pariah says:

        I’m really glad you have the money to do all those things. I don’t. So what do people like me do? Just deal???

        • STARBRITE says:

          this is what I found out…meetup.com ENTER YOUR ZIPCODE they have events that say its 8 to get in they have a special code you only pay 4…you look for ‘outings” that cost nothing…they go to the festivals…which is free…as a group, they go to bike riding or hiking for evening walking …I just say that one…they walk miles around their neighborhood…volunteer..but you have to have gas to get there..but I guess you see what I mean..there are “free” activities…they even meet at peoples homes for card games like Euchre…or some other game..there is always somewhere to go…I just get tired of going ALONE. going dancing tonight, and I can dance alone if no one asks me and no one thinks its weird…they have places that have free learn to dance classes for an hour or two then mix and mingle after…i was learning the two step qqss…? quick quick slow slow

        • Nadine says:

          Volunteer… get a pet and go on long walks… share your expertise with a group or children or a church
          I know it’s easier said than done, I am still working and I don’t know what retirement has in store for me. I hope I can find a job and be active forever.
          Be strong, put a smile on your face and go for it no matter what it is.
          Good luck

          • Janie says:

            I love when people say just do this or just do that & everything will be fine & dandy. Why are we on this site if we haven’t already tried everything humanly possible. I’m sure it may be easier in a retirement home or something but many of us live in single family homes all alone. I get out & ride my bike alone, I walk the trails in the park alone, I shop alone, I sleep alone, except my 3 dogs that I do love, eat alone, etc. I don’t even run into anyone that has a single word to say. I pretend I am in solitary confinement except am free to move about & have to survive alone, it does seem to help.

        • Lonnie F. Hamel says:

          Volunteer. The Animal Shelters need help walking dogs, or assisting with adoptions, or working with paperwork at spay clinics or those local Petsmart adoption events. Meals On Wheels could sure use help driving stuff. The local food bank always needs help. Hospitals need greeters to help frightened family locate their loved ones. Instead of praying for God to fix this, try looking for what God is doing and join Him. Did you ever realize that your local cancer center might really appreciate you handing out the snacks and blankets to the chemo patients? I promise, when my spouse dumped me to die of cancer, my friends vanished, my church spent all their time spreading rumors about me…yes…I truly felt like a bulldozer had squished the life out of me. But when you have not one person on the planet who gives a s–t about you, you still have Jesus. And if you just force yourself to be a part of something, God will bring the right people into your life.

          • Mary says:

            Janie, I don’t think Greta meant you have to go dancing or to a restaurant, but was just suggesting you follow your joys and interests and you will be happier. You like to bike, and be outdoors, why not join an outdoor group where you bike with others? At the same time, yes, come to accept where you are. You might connect with people that way because you’re not “trying”, you’re just being you in the world by doing what feels right to you.

            • Janie says:

              Thanks for your thoughtfulness Mary. I looked at meetup & there is nothing in my area. I do see my kids & grandkids, but not on my terms since I am the mother of 2 sons. The wives decide when I can see them & my sons don’t defend me at all so I don’t bother much. I need to move on with my life after losing my spouse shortly after retirement in 2011 & for some reason haven’t. I think some people move on quite easily & some don’t. I do believe in God & haven’t connected with anyone at my church in the many years I have gone there so have slowed down going. I am looking for ideas but not interested in being around chemo (dangerous) or hospitals, that is my choice not to. I don’t want to hand out food at foodbanks either. I have 7 pets that I care for very well along with feeding outdoor critters & the rescues are mostly for the money. If you try & get help from them you will reach one voice mail after another & all are filled up if they even bother calling you back. Again thanks for your kindness, I will keep trying.

            • greta says:

              thanks Mary…you are in the same wavelength..I lost the best friend I ever had, when she was only 33..and never really found another girlfriend as genuine as her.
              This business with- I Cant do this/that Alone – winge, winge.. is all in the Mind. I used to make up excuses too, not to go out, especially if you are healthy. I broke my arm and was incapacitated for some months. Wow!..I couldnt ride my bike..problems getting dressed and bathing, sleepling.carry food shopping, opening jars.. endless. But I went to work. When you are alone -People dont look at You! Unless you do look Different i.e dressed, behaviour etc.
              Join a Dance class, or some class that you like… just start off with once a week…these Meetups are really good and they work. cos Most of the people that are there are alone, single, new in town for jobs or other reasons. But dont go with the sole intention of meeting ‘someone’ for a date or whatever. and do not appear desperate! its like B O.. Be as sociable as you can, and .Good Luck!

    • STARBRITE says:

      John, I am/was beginning to feel that way but then I look at my cousin and she met a guy online and he drove (afraid of flying) from Louisiana to Arizona to meet her. He put himself up somewhere and arranged a meeting last August…then she flew down there….thanksgiving he was driving again…Christmas he drove again with a ring. They will be married this June. So I see their happiness and there is hope. Someone is out there for me. waiting.

      • Nadine says:

        I don’t believe life with someone is the answer. People can make each other so miserable. Friends are much better unless of course you find a gem. I wouldn’t go dancing for the same reasons you mentioned but there are other things. How about joining a book club or all the other ideas mentioned in other comments. I agree that it takes some money but a part time job in a hospital, store, library, school, church, could help with extra cash.

      • john says:

        starbrite, thats a great story,and such a happy ending. i too would travel a great distance for the right woman, and to be married again would be wonderful. the dates Ive had from dating sites were all lack luster, with peole who gave false info on the dating site.maybe you are different??

        • John I am on match for 3 more months, I will not rejoin. I am also on pof.com which by the way is free, totally free for anyone who wants to use that dating site. I am star brite 3219 with no spaces. You can make a completely filled out profile with a picture and contact me, no picture no replies. What I have found is that when you are old (61 soon to be 62 in May), female,intelligent, self sufficient with a pension from working 30 years and black that is a hard row to hoe and a bitter pill to swallow for many men….especially with guys who have viagra and feel as though younger women are all they want and can handle. My ex was white and we were married 13 years before I divorced him. my first husband was black he died of prostate cancer. This is not my first rodeo but I sure as heck hope to find my very last rodeo before I leave this earth. lol Man was not meant to be alone. It says so in the bible.

          • greta says:

            Ha HA HA LOL!!! You TELL Em… StarBrite Baby!!

            • Starbrite3219 says:

              I guess I sound somewhat aggressive, but no, its just at this age I know what I have experienced and have had to deal with in my life. I know what I do not want to do again. Submissive to a man, well yeah I can do that however only if the man is holding up his end of the agreement (trust in each other) we have made. So if you come into my life with something on the table to offer me (either equal to what I have or more)then I can stand by my man proudly, most women would and really want to. Its when men “say” they want to be head of household and then do not”show you” hold up to their personal responsibilities (emotional openness, physically demonstrative and financially able to support themselves first and after a relationship forms,with their significant other/want to be wife. Or at least meet half and half financially). Times are hard out here, we all have had “other” lives/children, our wills/homes are setup to be given to our families. Most men and women do this, so the only thing men have to offer a woman at this age is their mind, heart and body…its not about finance anymore for most and if it is one of us has to accept the responsibility to do it. I am a help mate. I am not a provider. So come knowingly to the table that this is what is expected..I don’t know about other women and most men and women wont even talk about this but should. We are too old not to talk about it. Probably the reason my dating card is not full…lol but thats ok because I am upfront about what I am looking for and b.s. walks/passes me by. Not looking for a “mister right now” looking for a long term. I can wait. He will seek me out when he sees the qualities I have. That’s why I go to functions so he can find me. He can’t find me if I stay at home in the house????? The other thing is knowing when a guy is flirting. I went to a car auction got home and after wondered why someone started talking to me..(which I answered his question and then brushed him off.) So I have to retrain myself to know when someone is flirting and how to speak and act. Oh this is worse than going back to college….training to date/flirt.

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