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Making friends at 60: “I don’t want to die alone…”

QUESTION

Dear Irene,

How does one get over being so alone? I do have a few very good friends, but too few! I am dying of loneliness! I don’t know what’s  wrong with me that I can’t seem to “connect” and make new friends. I don’t want to die alone too! I’m turning 60 this year. Any suggestions??

Many thanks! Signed, Laura

ANSWER

Hi Laura,

Your question obviously follows my last post mentioning two tragic news stories recently published about older women who died alone without anyone noticing for some time. The imagery was chilling and most people would hate to think of dying that way.

Admittedly, there are times when it is tougher than others to make new friends. For example, college students are continually thrown into contact with other people in similar circumstances. Young moms can take advantage of abundant opportunities to make friends with parents of their kids or with other women involved in school committees. If someone’s working, she might become friends with colleagues. You haven’t told me much about you but it sounds like you’re at a place in life where you need to actively seek out friendships because it isn’t occurring naturally.

Making friends is more a matter of circumstances than age, per se. Unless there is something about you that pushes others away, if you follow your interests and remain actively involved with people, you will be able to replenish your stock of friends. The choice is yours: Get involved with cultural, political, or social groups. Join a gym, book club, cooking club, or take a class. Volunteer in your community at the library or hospital. If you have a dog, start up a conversation with another dog walker on your route. Dogs and new babies are always great conversation-starters.

One caveat: Don’t expect too much too soon. Friendships take time but if you are welcoming to potential friends and pursue your own passions, you’ll be able to turn new acquaintances into deep friendships over time. If you come across as desperate or clingy, it might be a turnoff to a future friend-to-be. Being aware of your loneliness and that you want close friendships is an important first step. I hope this is helpful.

Warm regards, Irene

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Category: Making friends at 60

Comments (1,932)

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  1. Jessica says:

    I am 63 years old and teach nursing online. I have been married for 31 very lonely years. Actually, I have had a roommate for 31 years. (maybe abut 25)I have two grown sons and 3 grandchildren. I have 8 dogs that are my life! I train dogs for Pet Therapy. Over the past year I have become disabled because of a lung disease that they can identify yet. I’m on oxygen 24/7 now so I am pretty much bed bound. I live in my room and my husband lives in the rest of the house. Not much fun.

    Rose, try some online colleges! Let me know if you want specific names.

    I’m looking forward to meeting some new friends! I live in Charlotte NC if there is anybody out there who is close by.

    • Kelly says:

      Princess, I just read your post. Everything is alright, as it should be. I’m listening to rolling thunder and rain on a tin roof. I’m north of Charlotte on a small farm. You are not alone. Never have been. Just feels like it though! I know all to well. So thanks for being …… You!

  2. Patricia says:

    I am an attractive, educated, retired 66 year-old single (never married) woman and I am so lonely. I have not been in a relationship with a man for over 20 years. I joined meetups and met some nice woman, but now no one calls me. I used to bake cakes and attend parties with these women, but no one has called me, which is very sad. I have two chronic illnesses – to look at me you would not think I was sick. My friends know about my illnesses, which makes me even more sad. No one has phonesd to see how I am doing. I live in TOronto and my friends live in Ajax which is only a 20 minute drive. I don’t do night driving and I used to staoy at a friend’s place overnight so I could attend evening functions. She renovated her house, her tenants left, and she has not extended an invitation to me to stay overnight. I have had quite a few dinner parties and no one has invited me to their place for dinner. I have no family – both parents are deceased and my only sister and her family of husband and three kids in their thirties, have not called me. My sister told everyone not to talk to me when I was at the visitation for my dad. As I write this I can feel tears building up. I am not motivated to do anything. I am teaching part timne, but I would rather just stay home and do nothing. I never thought I would be at this stage in my life. I thoughth I would be married with children, but I guess it wasn’t in the cards for me. I welcome any comments or tried and true solutions. THe one ray of sunshine is my next door neighbour checks on me if she hasn’t seen mne for a bit, which is good and makes me feel that someone cares. Patricia

    • Jerry says:

      Patricia, It sounds like you could use a friend. If you would like to talk, I’m available. I don’t know how this works but I don’t want to leave personal info on here for others. If there is a way to message me or contact me and you would like to talk, then feel free to. Things and circumstances change and what is dark today may be bright tomorrow.

      • Irene says:

        Thanks for reaching out to Patricia. You are right. You put yourself and others at risk for spammers if you put personal information here.

        If you want to write to Patricia here, you can offer encouragement but this site isn’t set up to connect people for either platonic or romantic relationships.

        Best, Irene

  3. Ross says:

    Morning Everyone,
    I was just on another site and a respondent mentioned this site. First time here. I am a man married 9 years the first time and 35 years this year. It took me sometime to realize my wife was emotionally abusive and controlling. Family was my only “friends” and I stand a chance of losing them with this decision. I left 3 weeks ago and happy but looking for chatting. So, happy to find someone over 60. 64 this month.
    I am a professional in the medical field and practiced for 40 years in the same community. Not a lot of ways to seek intimate details of my life. Excited at living by myself for the first time in my life.
    I am not looking to ever live with another. Just trying to learn to communicate with someone who does not require something other than friendship from me. Don’t know if that makes any sense.
    Best Regards to all.

    • Barbara says:

      Visitor on site. I’m on Facebook. Or. Email. Want. Nothing. But friendship.

    • susanne says:

      Hi Ross,
      I hope everything is going well with you now.
      It is so difficult to make new friends when you are getting older.
      I have struggled with it as ihave got older,i have a few very close friends that i can talk to but that is it really.I lost most of my friends of 20 years after my x left me.living on your own at 60 or plus is not a bad thing, but sometimes it can get loneley.Friends are great for those moments.
      Take care and all the best to you.

    • Kathie See says:

      Hello! I understand the need for conversation. A time to share, joke, listen and grow. (laugh too). A on line friend via email is always a welcome part of the day. My sleep is little and my listening email I hope is friendly and non judging.
      Kathie

    • Jessica says:

      Hi Ross,
      I would love to chat with you! I have been in the medical profession for over 30 years. Absolutely no strings attached! Just chat. Let me know if you are interested.
      Jessica

  4. Marie says:

    I have to wonder why it is that so many of us have such a tough time with this. And here we all are trying to get our voices heard and yet still no one hears. So sad.

    • Melissa says:

      Too many times it is us, but many do not want to see that. Of course, that isn’t all of it either. Many people (like myself) are in a place where there’s little to no outlets for advancing ourselves into the opportunities of meeting people.
      I have been trying to take a long look at what “I” have done to make myself unavailable or uninviting (maybe that is too strong) to others. I have always been a loner to some degree, but never went without anyone around me. I have no real friends that I would even account for now, but I do not think I am not worthy either. Friendships are as much work as a typical love relationship. You still need to nurture what is there and if your closest friend moves away as you do (which is what happened to me), it makes it that much more difficult to keep the closeness there. You have different lives once you leave each other’s locations and I have found that I am one who feels more for the friendship now than this other person. Not because she doesn’t care, but when you live in two different states and have found less and less communication, that lends itself to distance, lack of ability to share with you and especially little time for actual contact with one another as in being together. They make new fiends with their jobs and then whatever else comes along for them. She has far more opportunity with people than I have had and that has made me want to depend on her as my friend more, but I never really got the chance b/c she got involved and did the (new relationship and continued) the little to no contact with me. It hurts as with any loss of time and contact, but those who in my position need to figure things out for ourselves. I haven’t done too well with that part of things and as I mentioned, my place is not exactly the place to meet many people, so I spend 99.9% of my time alone. That is not healthy for sure and has made things even more difficult and upsetting. Loneliness does set in and then adds to even more hardship, but we must keep trying. What else can we do?

  5. Marie says:

    This hit a note with me as, I too, will be 60 next year and have been faced with unbearable loneliness the past 7 years. Not only do I not have many friends but they are all married and have lives of their own. I haven’t had a date in 5 years although I don’t really know why, I am not ugly or overweight. Just past my prime I guess. A lot has to do with the fact i don’t have the opportunity to meet men. I work for myself pet setting which isn’t conducive to socializing. I’m pretty smart and have a love for the outdoors. I live in Boise, Id. and the town is mostly for young couples with kids or for very active individuals who are into sports like I was when I was younger. I’ve done the volunteer stuff but find it’s the same people all the time or people in their 70’s and older. I tried going to church but found I was going just to meet people and felt like a fake so I quit. I feel like a washed out part of who I used to be. I’m still here but there’s no freshness anymore and I don’t know how to get it back. Anyone else feel this way? It is terribly frustrating when you have the will but not the way!

    • Chris says:

      Hi Marie, You’re not alone in your feelings. I’m in early 60’s but look younger and have been a widow for coming up on 6 years. Have an adult child with many chronic illnesses and doctors and hospitals were my life and then with my husband before he passed. So all friends have moved and disappeared since I’m a third wheel now and money a concern. Most if not all have healthy kids and grandkids so there’s not too much in common. I joined so many things, groups, and even walk my dog it was/is exhausting. Met/meet people but they all are busy with their husbands, boyfriends, grandkids etc. So yes I may spend an hour or more chatting but when it comes down to it I’m alone with everything I have to deal with.I haven’t met any nice men to connect with either. So when people I meet talk about broadway shows, movies, eating out, vacations I really have nothing to contribute but listen and cringe inside. Nobody wants to hear about lonely nights , doctor visits, and hospitals etc.I’m happy for them but it’s extremely difficult to continue on this path as much as I keep pushing and each day say maybe today will be the day I meet someone to relate to. Hasn’t happened yet:( I even have eaten out alone, went to movies alone but it’s just not fun and makes me sadder.I’m truly sorry you had to come on this site Marie but know I/we feel for you and do get it. I wish I had something wonderful and inspiring to say but right now I can’t except just know there are other people out there like us. We just haven’t been able to find them yet.

      • Rick Johnson says:

        I really have no friends but I do live close to my sister and mother. I am 66, retired in 2014. My wife passed on 2012 and I was her care giver for 20 years. I lost contact with friends do to her illness. I was always busy taking care of her and the two of us were pretty much isolated except for my family. After she died I thought I wanted to find someone to spend quality time with but now I have resigned myself to remaining alone. I am ok with that mainly because I have found many people have tons of baggage at this age and after what I went through with my wife I don’t want to have to deal with that aspect of friends again. I live in Denver CO right now but I am seriously thing about moving to a rural location, I don’t really want further isolation but this life style doesn’t work for me. I look much younger than I am, very which doesn’t seem to help with friendships, I think people are confused by my age.

        • Kim says:

          Hello
          Throughout this thread one thing is consistent—loneliness and the perception that it will last forever. I’m a 55 year old female with 3 grown children who have not matured into patient or tolerant people so I keep my distance. THAT’S painful. I buried their fathers (noticed the ‘s’ on father because yes—2x I’ve buried the love of my life at very young ages) before they were old enough to remember his face so my life has always felt heavy and burdensome. I’ve always been pretty much of a loner. Oh, I can go through the motions of appearing social and people seem to genuinely like me but its just just a mask I wear so that I do not appear odd. By the way those interactions may last for a while but never really bind. I too look younger for my age which causes problems because younger folks are attracted to me while folks my age appear to not genuinely not trust me for that (feels like a gift and a curse). Anyway I work everyday. I travel roughly 20 miles each way and when I get in, I’m exhausted. I don’t hear from my children and continually work on having some acceptance with who they are. It’s rough! Really. Loneliness is a condition not one should have to accept. It eats at the very core of you. I get invites to share holidays and special occasions with others but that just reminds me of the sadness I feel regarding my own family. To the outside world and if you didn’t know me you would assume that I’m okay–even with the loneliness, but inside I’m a mess. I cry often and too am guilty of feeling that I’ve made horrible or impulsive decisions in my life which led me here. Some days I just want to disappear.

          • Mila says:

            Are you serious? Disappear? Please no! Do not think that way Kim I beg you! My mother is your age and I would never want for her to think and feel this way. God loves you, first of all. Sadly, children can be very selfish but ultimately you have fulfilled an amazing act having raised them and I’m sure you did it never planning reciprocation. You are a beautiful person, inside and out, I can hear it in your words. Don’t worry, you are loved, everything will be ok. As long as there is life, there is hope. Please forgive yourself for everything you have ever done and finally let it all go! No more feeling guilty! You don’t owe anybody anything for it, God has already forgiven you! Love yourself the most now, you deserve it!

          • Sherri says:

            Kim, please contact me on Face Book, I understand how you feel when it comes to kids not seeming to care about you. Like you I have three grown children, who could be bothered to call me unless they want something from me.

            I understand the feeling of vanishing that was me a couple of years ago.. I planned how I would do it, so I would not be found. I planned it for months. No one had a clue how I felt, no one payed attention.. after all I wore a mask too. I didn’t vanish, I picked another road. I am glad you picked to type here. I wish I had found this place 2 years ago.

            [Last name removed by moderator. To protect yourself against spammers, please do not use any last names on this blog. Thanks! Irene]

          • mary says:

            kim your expressions resonate esp about your children and the fakery socially.ditto the sense of wanting to disappear. desperate to find a warm winter locale where senior orphaned indivuals migrate to share community away from snow.wanting to develop a next chapter identity without compromising standards or self. where are the others who share the desire to self actualize rather than fade into scarey lonely obscurity in our 60’s?

            LAST NAME REMOVED BY MODERATOR – TO PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST SPAMMERS, PLEASE DO NOT POST IDENTIFYING INFORMATION ON THIS BLOG. THANKS!

    • Floss says:

      Good morning,I am new to this forum—- i am reading your comments an i realize this is me also, people do think i am younger but i am in my 60s I am a christrian an very much alone, I am divorced an I go to church, I am in a new town, I try to be friendly but they are all married in this community, (senior community)an I made friends but they were swingers well that was good for them, (not me) ….
      Anyway it does get lonely having no friends…Watching the married couples here….all do their thing an i am alone….so i just watch!

      • Kim says:

        I’m glad that you choose to stand for something and not fall for anything (swinging). That in itself shows that you have a solid personality and are not willing to compromise yourself to fill the void.KUDOS TO YOU!!! I truly hope it gets better!

  6. Carole says:

    Hi Chris yeah I’m fine ,hope you are too been busy doing charity work I miss you too , wish there was some way we could get in contact Hugs Carole x

  7. Chris says:

    Hi Jeanene
    I know you responded to Carole and am so glad that you did. I guess we are all in the same boat. I too worry if I pass first what will happen to my adult child and if he passes first I don’t know how I would survive on this earth without him.
    It’s nice but not nice due to the situations we are in to share. I’m so sorry. Just know I am here as are others and you are not alone.

    Hugs
    Chris

  8. Chris says:

    Hi Sunflower
    Thanks for your concern. I was hacked on Facebook awhile ago and had some bad experiences so I promised my son I would not be on it anymore. Since he has a chronic illness and stress exacerbates it I don’t want to do that. I hope you can understand. It’s so hard to be alone and all one has is a chronically ill adult child with no help. That’s why I came to this site to try to connect with other people in similar situations.
    Thanks Again!
    Chris

  9. Carole says:

    Me too I looked forward to hearing from you each day ,never mind just our luck , I will miss you also take good care of yourself and hope your life is a good one from now on , chin up and keep smiling , I’ll think of you everyday Hugs Carole X

    • Elena says:

      Hello Carole and Chris .i am from Romania .i search site for found people for all word .i want know abbout ather people from another country .make new friends. Not mather the age.i hope can comunicate more .happy to found this site .we can talk abbout all .i feel alone too.

      • Bassam says:

        Hi Elena
        feeling lonely makes our lives boring , sometimes a walk outside for an hour with someone , have some conversations , have coffee , could change our bad moments , sometimes a hug from a friend could make you start your day more happy , and yes , to know people from around the world , and make friendship with them could be sort of help , but internet not satisfy as reality , stop feeling alone , you’re not , I am from Syria , living in Canada , and I am glad to have you a friend , in fact all of you ,people feeling lonely , please consider me your friend

    • Chris says:

      Hi Carole
      Hope you are managing!
      Miss you!
      Hugs
      Chris

  10. Chris says:

    Hi Carole
    I guess you got a notice like I did and I’m not on Facebook and actually told not to go on it a long time ago by my son so I have to say so long. You will always be in my heart and I’ll so miss my mornings that I looked forward to your emails to make my day go a little better. I wish there was another way we could figure out how to get in touch.
    I will miss you terribly.Another loss.
    Always
    Chris

    • Sunflower says:

      Chris, I don’t get it . Why is son telling you what to do. You are a grown woman and his mother you should be able to get on Facebook if you want to so you and Carole can communicate . I would be telling him that.

  11. Chris says:

    Hi Irene
    I totally understand what you are saying in your email to Carole and I. Unfortunately I am not on Facebook and when I click the link that you sent it says it’s unavailable now so I can’t get on:(
    Can I reply one more time to Carole to say a sad Goodbye?
    Sorry for causing a problem.
    This is a great site and I’m thankful that you monitor it so well as well as having someone to write to that understands. I will miss Carole terribly.
    If you have any other suggestions how Carole and I can correspond that would be greatly appreciated.
    Again Thank You!
    Chris

  12. Chris says:

    Wow I can’t believe you said that it’s all about money now adays. Wow so true. I joined a political group to try to meet new people and make friends but the women I thought I could be friends with are married and busy with their hubbies and families and the topper is one woman wanted to do some spiritual thing to me to relax me but charge me $40.00 so there went that theory of making friends.It seems more difficult now when you get older if you don’t have grandchildren to share stories. All the people I meet so far have grandkids, husbands and family and if one missing in that statement … they are busy with one or two of those. So I just keep plugging along.
    Hope you have a decent day!!!
    Chris
    xo

    • Claire says:

      This came up in a relTed Google search I did. I find that most people either have alcohol or drug issues or other drama and it eventually ends up turning disagreeable because they get drunk k or high and therefore cannot heR me clearly. So I simply call or fb my friends from the past which are few and true. And I do like my own company. Thanks for listening.

      LAST NAME REMOVED BY MODERATOR. TO PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST SPAMMERS, PLEASE DO NOT USE LAST NAMES ON THIS BLOG.

  13. Carole says:

    I wish I did have someone to help I’v asked but everything down to money now a days isn’t it ! Harry’s fine , taking him out this afternoon but it hard to walk a dog and push a wheelchair , hope you get all your chores done speak to you soon Carole x

    • Irene says:

      Hi Carole and Chris,

      This is Irene, the moderator of the board. I’m glad that the two of you have started a virtual friendship but it has become of less interest to other readers. Can I ask that you please take it off this board?

      This post explains how you can use Facebook to connect with each other:

      http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/something-new-check-out-friendship-blog-connection-facebook/

      Thanks for your cooperation! Best, Irene

    • Hope says:

      I wish to have new friends. I need a very close friend.

      • Kim says:

        Hi Hope
        I’m Kim and we can be virtual friends if you’d like 🙂

      • Jessica says:

        Hi Hope,
        I know what you mean. I have been lonely for many years. My husband put up a beautiful front to get me to marry him and then a few years after we were married withdrew all affection and everything else. He just checked out. He really just wanted a mom to take care of him. Traditionally I am a strong person but I had 2 kids and did not want to put them through all of that. I have one long distance friend but nobody that I can just go out to dinner with or cuddle with or celebrate holidays with. I do go see my children and my husband comes but he just sits on the couch and doesn’t really participate. It is a horrible existence. Well, now I am bed bound with a lung issue and on oxygen so I really am a prisoner. It is so hard not to get depressed.

  14. Chris says:

    That’s so wonderful that you volunteer. Isn’t there any nice people there who would be lucky enough to befriend you? I guess you have someone watching him today. I still can’t believe that no one offers to help you with the wheelchair (as difficult as it is) although I can unfortunately. Seems people don’t get involved anymore. Once in awhile you meet an angel in passing. So glad that I met you. I am now having my 2nd cup of coffee with you.:)
    More importantly Happy Birthday to your son!!!! I’ll be there in spirit. Sorry about the bowel issues. I so get it.
    You are so right I don’t belong with an alcoholic not that we’re together. Basically talk on phone and go out to an occasional dinner which is such a treat to me. Easier said then done to meet someone nice. When you have an ill child and so much on your plate hard to go out to meet anyone and I’m exhausted and sad by the end of the day taking care of everything as I guess you can relate. Ewwwwww went outside and just shoveled up another dead mouse. I remember my husband used to do all those things but now it’s part of my life. Yay! Not!
    How’s Harry? Cute name for a dog.:)
    Anyways have to go and fold tons of laundry mostly my sons.:) And check my errand list.
    Always
    Chris
    xoxo

  15. Carole says:

    I too wish we lived closer , don’t get yourself dragged down with that guy you can do so much better than being with an alcoholic they are always trouble , you are much better than that and you will find someone nice you deserve it , my sons not been so well he has a lot of bowel trouble so I’v been run off my feet . Going to go out today and have a bit of chill time I help out at my local charity , how’s the weather ? Any cooler . It’s my sons birthday son and me and him are just going to have a little meal together but it sucks being on your own all the time . I’m just getting up going to make coffee and see what today brings☹️Hugs Carole

  16. Carole says:

    Hi Christine I hope you are ok don’t let life get you down you are a great person and don’t forget that ,I’m sorry to hear it is unbearably hot over there hope it will cool down soon ! My little dog is a boy called Harry and he follows me everywhere unfortunately I don’t have anyone to help take him out nobody cares . That’s unreal your car got damaged so did mine parked outside my house while I was watching a horror movie and the bang scared me to death , I’v just been finishing off decorating my hallway but I can’t afford a carpet yet But maybe in a while , don’t get down you have me to talk to and you can tell me anything I’m here for you , here from you soon Hugs Carole X

    • Chris says:

      That’s so weird with the cars. Hope yours didn’t get too damaged. I’m going to go for estimates on mine and see what I can do about my carpet. I actually promised to put wood down where carpet is to my husband before he passed but I never did because of the mess and cost. Oh well. The male friend (just friends even though he said he was crazy about me and wanted more….. he used to blame me but now he realizes t’s him… Yuck!) who stained it keeps bringing it up and said he’s never coming here again even though I didn’t make a big deal about it. He actually started a fight with me this morning. He couldn’t be happy for me that my son is home safe as of yesterday and I was just happy to see him.Finally I felt some joy since my husband passed and he ruined it. No he can’t let me be happy for a moment. Unbelievable!!! I wish I could say I was wrong but I can’t. He’s an alcoholic and try reasoning with him at times is impossible. He just goes on and on even though I agree with him. He doesn’t let go. I deserve better but because I’m lonely we befriended each other through my sons girlfriends best friend. But I deserve better and know I have to let go and just be alone and not settle. He got me so upset I was screaming at him at the top of my lungs.I hope I didn’t wake up my son. I can’t remember ever doing that before. I feel sick now from nerves and how people can be so cruel.
      Anyways hope your day starts out better. Onwards and upwards!
      C
      xoxo

    • Chris says:

      Oh maybe you can use some of the good parts of my carpet for your hallway if I should rip it up. Oh I wished we lived closer:)

  17. Chris says:

    hi
    carole In the grand scheme of things it’s only a carpet and not our kids. It’s not a tragedy or illness. To me the rest is just stupid annoying things.
    I’m so sorry that it’s so difficult to take your son out and there’s no one to help. Do people ever offer to help you? I understand of not being in shape. As much as I used to say I’ll never get old …not that I’m that old. Life happens and I guess with all the stress and worry of everything on me it catches up. I’m so sorry that you have to live this life but I hope just chatting makes it a little more bearable.
    That’s awesome you have a little dog too. Wow more in common. He/she must bring you a little joy.
    Over the weekend my car got damaged in the driveway without me even moving it ..trouble finds me. So now I have to go around to body shops as soon as the weather gets a little more bearable here. Still very hot and I can’t handle it like I used to. It’s true you can be lonely when you’re married and surrounded by family but it just makes it harder feeling and being alone dealing with everything without any support or help. I think that’s what people don’t get. No one has your back and everything is on you as well as me. It’s exhausting.
    Well today is a new day ..I used to find mornings the worst because it’s a reminder of where I am in life but I so look forward to chatting with you.
    Thanks for being my friend!!
    Fondly
    Christine
    xoxo

  18. Carole says:

    That’s unreal I too have a little dog that’s my soulmate , I love animals too just had my son out to the shops but it’s hard for me he’s in a wheelchair and I have to lift it in and out of the car , unfortunately I’m not as fit as I used to be and as time go on I take him out less . Hope you eventually get the stain out of you carpet , just having coffee now and chilling for half an hour speak to you soon Carole

  19. Christine Jane says:

    I feel so very sad listening to many stories. We are all special in our own way. Many of us are lonely, even if we are married. If we have a pain in our heart……But as hard as it is, we must not let it eat us up! One wonderful man who has been through hell and back told me….It is what it is. Don’t dwell on it! really helped me to just let it go. Some people like us have been trying to change the world for decades, but it will not happen 🙂 All we can do is our own little contribution, signing petitions, being kind to one another. .BUT never give up trying…..

  20. Carole says:

    Hi Chris it’s me again just to say try white vinegar and cold water and a bit of washing up detergent , do it four or five times it should work Hugs Carole

  21. Carole says:

    Hi Chris , sorry to here you lost your husband ,that’s a long time to be with someone and be left on your own , I wish I was there to help you you sound an amazing person . I have family but none of them speak to me because of my husband he was controlling and only liked to have me to himself , which is abit stupid now he’s decided he doesn’t want me anymore ,I’m trying to over come him leaving but finding it hard I can’t get my head round how he could just walk out on his disabled son who needed both of us he never even contacts him all I can say is he didn’t deserve to know him anymore the way that he’s been , I don’t want to go dating with anyone else I just wanted my husband but it looks like I’m going to spend the rest of my life on my own I wish we were closer to each other we could have some great times together , I too had a terrible child hood I was abused by my alcoholic father after my mum left when I was 10 years old , I hate my life at the moment but have to keep going for my son it so good to know I have you to talk to and who knows we might meet one day Big Hugs Carole x

    • Chris says:

      Wow can’t believe the similarities in our life down to childhood. Same dad type but not sure if my mom committed suicide or was murdered and I’ll never know. I saw the mess but that’s the past. It truly is your husbands loss of losing you and your son. There’s a saying “Little girls grow up to be women and little boys grow up to be big boys. Some just are jerks and others are Bleeps. Sorry guys on this site. I’m sure there are some good ones out there but you are hard to find.:)Today is another day for us. Yay! What can I say. I guess what’s keeping us going is our kids. Is your son an only child too? I’ve been on my own now for 5 years! The chores parts get easier in a way but now are starting to wear me out and the loneliness never goes away . There are moments I promise that you’ll smile. That’s what I try to hang onto. There are days I don’t want to get out of bed but thank goodness I have a little dog who needs to be fed and given water and love. Animals are amazing. They love us no matter what and are loyal.I smile when she licks me and wants to play even when I’m exhausted. Funny but it’s been sooooooo hot here and no one checked on me. My son called almost everyday so that was great and I want him to enjoy cause who knows how long he has left. So I have to put things into prospective and realize 10 minutes at a time. How is the healthcare system there? It’s becoming awful here and that’s why I’m so worried about losing him and going financially bust. As you there is family out there somewhere but no one talks to us. They can’t deal with my son’s illness. I do see a therapist that at least the appts. get me out of the house. I need to go food shopping for me and my son just started eating a little again after 8 months but just can’t get my mojo going. It’s so hard doing everything yourself but I’m here fr you to talk to. I too so wish that we lived closer. I don’t understand why I can’t find anyone around here anymore. All my close friends passed at early ages including my husband or they moved away and have lives. There’s no one around to relate to here. Ugh! I’m so glad that I found you!
      Fondly
      Chris
      xoxo

      • Chris says:

        Oh and I can’t believe it but that’s exactly what I’ve been doing with the carpet. Still there but getting better. Thanks so much!!!! Great minds think alike!!!!
        xoxo

      • Jessica says:

        Hi Chris,
        When I was up and about, I trained Pet Therapy Dogs. I have 8 of my own and 4 of them are Certified Pet Therapy Dogs. They are what grounds me every day. Their love is completely unconditional! I am a nurse and I teach Master’s level nursing online. I am so blessed to be able to have a job that I can do in bed! It would be nice if I made enough money for my husband to go on his merry way but I need him now to take care of me. We are just roommates living in the same house at this points. I’ve been reading all of these posts and it sounds like we will all have to get online at the holidays to make sure we are here for each other. We can support each other that way!

  22. Carole says:

    Hi Chris oh I’m so sorry to here you are having a bad. Week too, it breaks my heart to know what you are going through I know exactly how you feel I’v been there aswell,I wish I could be there to help you its horrible being on your own with no one to share anything with don’t worry about your son I’m sure he will be ok , I’v been suffering from depression due to spending so much time on my own my husband walked out 4 months ago after 30years so I am devastated but if he can walk out on our disabled son he’s not much of a man anyway, you won’t be alone I’ll always be thinking about you every day so write to me soon big hugs Carole

    • Chris says:

      Wow Carole I’m so sorry to hear about your husband just up and walking out on his family. I’m speechless! There are no words to console you and your child except I’m so sorry.How could you not be depressed? I hope somehow I can help you. It’s his loss.You sound like an amazing woman and I’m honored to be chatting with you. Ummm my husband din’t walk out but he passed away so I’m a widow and the few men I’ve met are idiots. I had a visitor here last eve for dinner and he spilled chicken with curry all over my white carpet! I didn’t notice until I woke up this morning before my coffee.:( Carpet stained!!!! Yikes! I can’t go out and buy new or even have it cleaned. Been scrubbing all morning and afternoon and there are signs of it still showing. Of course it’s right when you walk into the room.I spoke to him and when I mentioned what happened he said “I take you out to dinner so why should I have it cleaned?” Jerk! I’m not looking but as you know it’s lonely and sad to be alone but today it’s kind of a relief except for the worry about my son and being jealous of his girlfriends big family and we have none and I’m alone when they are always having fun. I should be happy for them but I’m honest….it hurts! Glad for my son though but worry at any time…boom.
      My husband was a big strapping man and we were married for 38 years. He was always healthy and one day just didn’t feel well even though he went for physicals every year and I was a nurse. it was missed that he had a kidney tumor. 17 months later he was gone even though he had surgery and the best care. He was so afraid of leaving my son and I ….that we won’t make it on our own and I hate to say it but he was right. Don’t get me wrong there were times I wanted to bop him for doing dumb things but basically I was lucky that he was a great dad and good husband.I miss him terribly especially since I had a horrible childhood so he was my hero and saved me. Now that he’s gone no one has my back. I hate that feeling. It’s really hot here for the last week and today’s the hottest. Ugh! Maybe it’s a good thing because it’s making me tired. Too tired to feel. I like when that happens as you can understand. Just hoping my son ok since he’s all I have in this world. Disabled or not he’s my only family and I love him no matter what. Really scary when I think I could lose him at any time. Enough of that…. How’s your day going so far? Please feel free to say whatever you want to me because I’m here for you.
      Chris
      xoxo

  23. Chris says:

    Hi Carole
    I’m here! Sorry you had a terrible week. Anything stand out more so then usual to make it terrible or I totally understand if you don’t want to talk about it. I too am having a rough week. My chronically ill son went away with his girlfriend and her family this week while I’m stuck here alone. Am I worried and jealous of the perfect family who have no clue? Absolutely! Right or wrong I can’t help it. I’m playing music from the old days right now which is actually helping uplift me a bit and bringing back some great memories when my husband and I were still dating. Jeez do I miss him and the history we had together. I’m happy my son was able to go away but yet scared to death of a phone call about him. Living in loneliness and fear. I do have a dog that greets me when I come home and she does fill a small void but there are times nothing does. My therapist doesn’t get my fear of losing him and being on this earth alone or him being so scared of losing me and being sick and dying alone. Ugh!!!! People say “we are born alone and die alone.” Not true !!! Our birth mothers are there at the time we are born if not other people too but yes dying alone and being alone are true and scary!
    Hope to talk to you soon.
    Hugs
    Chris

  24. Carole says:

    Hi Chris I’m just going to bed now,had a terrible week been really depressed on medication just can’t stand the loneliness anymore , but thankfully you are here for me to contact , I’m so sorry we are so far apart but I know I have you to talk to and you can message me anytme it’s good to have someone that understands what I’m going through enjoy your coffee

    • Irene S. Levine says:

      So sorry you’ve had a bad week. When was the last time you saw the doctor who prescribed the medication? Perhaps, it needs to be re-evaluated if you are so depressed.

      Glad you’ve found a friend here.

      Best, Irene

  25. Chris says:

    Hi Carole
    I’m here!!! You have a friend even though I am far away. Funny how things just don’t seem to work out for us in more ways then one.:( Sorry I’m so far away.
    It’s morning here and another day…ugh! It’s nice to have someone to write to who understands the isolation from society and loneliness and the rest of it. I hate mornings. Just a reminder of reality.
    I hope today will be as best as possible for you and just know someone is here for you and understands.
    Coffee time now!!!
    Hugs
    Chris

  26. Carole says:

    Hi Christine I’m so sorry you are so far away , you could of been just what I needed a true friend hope we can keep in touch by message so sad not to be able to meet you thanks for your kid words hope to here from you soon Carole

  27. Carole says:

    Thanks for your reply , So sad we are so far apart you sound lovely and I would of been so happy to have you as a friend , but hopefully we can keep in touch , hope to hear from you again

  28. Chris says:

    You sound wonderful and I’m even sadder now knowing that we are worlds apart. I’m in the U.S. Won’t be easy dropping in for coffee and chatting. sigh. But writing can sure help. I’ll listen anytime as I am so sad now that it hurts. Sometimes I too think I’m going to die of loneliness and can’t believe my life turned out like this. Hugs Christine

  29. Carole says:

    Hi thanks for your reply I live in [deleted by moderator] I don’t know if that is anywhere near you I would of loved you popping in every day

  30. Carole says:

    Hi thanks for your reply I don’t know if your living near me but you could of come to my house for coffee anytime

  31. doris says:

    hi ibeen a mother of a disabilties person for 38 yrs. now a widow for almost three yrs. hard to find the time and people or person who would want to be involed.with a mother with a disabilties person . people don,t want to be involed. even family don,t want to be involed it,s hard ,but would never give up with my 38 yr.s person. i was married for 36 and half yr.s. now lonely for something i used to have. been looking for help their,s no one .i hope your real. else .don,t answer .this

    • Chris says:

      I’m so sorry and feel your pain. I too am in a similar situation. I thought I was the only one who was in this situation and am lonely and sad too. People seem to shy away and have their own lives and busy and stressed themselves but no room for me.
      I am real!

  32. JB says:

    Looking for a purpose in the last portion of my life. Widow, retired,
    have supportive family, but need my own life interests and goals. Have always been out of the norm – moved often as post WWII California growth sent my father to newly built facilities. Put ahead in school so always a year younger than classmates. Not raised with church or religious affiliation so also out of sync there. Lots of casual friends, but few long-time relationships outside of my family. When I was younger, I was a member of volunteer groups. Not sure what my value would be now. Attending teas and social functions does not have the same appeal. I want to be helpful where I can bring some thought to solving problems or making a situation better. And yes I would like to be able to talk to someone who
    can relate to this perspective.

  33. Ida Fernandez says:

    i am a divorcee. From India. My daughter is grown up and she lives her life. In two years she also will will get married. Loneliness kills me. I feel I am getting into a depression thinking that I would some day die alone.

  34. Carole says:

    Hi I’m exactly the same as you I’m dying of loneliness and it would be great to have someone to talk to a couple of times a week send me your address I will send you a birthday card it’s not nice having nothing on your birthday , just to say I’m 60 and spent 27years caring for my disabled son so I’m very isolated hope to hear from you Carole

    • Irene S. Levine says:

      Thanks for reaching out with kindness, Carole.

      Just a reminder. This site isn’t intended to match visitors, either for romantic or platonic reasons. I’ve repeatedly asked people NOT to post any identifying information because it makes you a target for scammers.

      Iff you want to connect with someone in real life, you can do that through a special group page I’ve set up on Facebook. See:http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/something-new-check-out-friendship-blog-connection-facebook/

      There are currently 724 members in this closed group!

      Thanks for your cooperation~

    • carol ann says:

      Dear Carole,

      I am 66 this year and also so lonely. I do not have any friends left. I have a 46 year old son who is mentally challenged and mentally ill . I spent the last 10 years helping my mother when her husband past away, then my mother had dementia and I went through hell. My siblings went non existent and we no longer have any contact. I too am isolated …I worry what will happen when I die…my son etc.
      Carol Ann

      • Irene says:

        Hi Carol Ann,

        I spent a large portion of my career working closely with families of people with severe mental disorders. Your concern, what will happen when you’re gone, is a common one among family caregivers.

        NAMI is a grassroots national organization that can be so helpful to you in offering you support as a caregiver and also in planning the future. It’s also a place where you can find friendship and understanding.

        I strongly urge you to find out if there is a local group near you: http://www.nami.org/Local-NAMI/Programs?classkey=72e2fdaf-2755-404f-a8be-606d4de63fdb

      • Christine says:

        Wow Carol Ann I am so sorry and can totally relate.I too have a disabled adult child and a widow and feel very alone. I worry everyday and of the future too. There is no one to share my concerns with and it’s consuming me. Very sad and lonely.
        Where do you live? [deleted by moderator]. It would be wonderful if we lived close by.
        I feel for you and would love to be there for you and vice versa.

      • jeanene says:

        Hi Carole,
        I also am 66 yrs. old, retired and caring for mentally ill adult son. I struggle with feeling sad and depressed almost constantly. I keep a “happy face” because I don’t have any friends who can even relate to my circumstances. The thing that really hurts is not being able to figure out how to make sure my son is cared for when I die. Everyday is a struggle to maintain.
        jeanene

  35. Carole says:

    I am a 60 year old lady who has spent 28years caring for my disabled son I feel very isolated and lonely , just would like a friend to pop in a couple of times a week for a chat I feel like I’m going mad can anyone help

    • Irene says:

      Being a caregiver is an extremely lonely and exhausting role. I’m not sure what kind of disability your son has but is there any way you can arrange some respite care so you can get some time off to recharge your batteries? Also, there may be some support groups of carers who are handling the same disability who can offer friendship, support and practical advice.

      I know it can be daunting to look for this support on your own. You might start with your own physician or your son’s for some advice. If you belong to a house of worship, you might find some caring people there as well.

      Don’t forget that you need to take care of yourself, too!

      Best, Irene

      • Carolethank says:

        Thanks for your kind words I have a carer that takes my son out who has spina bifida 3 times a week for a couple of hours but I’m very lonley the rest of the time it was nice to here someone cares thankyou again Carole

    • patricia says:

      Hi.
      I am 45. I am married. For some unknown reason I have no friends. I feel very lonely at times.The thought of being alone one day terrifies me. I only have my husband at the moment.
      I understand how you feel.

      • Vickie says:

        I’m glad I found this site. It makes me feel a tad better that I’m not the only one fearful of their future. Having had no children and no nieces or nephews that are close, my future is frightening. It causes great anxiety daily. I do have a husband but he has several cancers and care taking followed by uncertainty is darkening my life. 53 years

    • Chris says:

      Hi Carole
      I am so sorry and can totally relate. I’m in the same boat. Everyone disappeared and here I am with my adult disabled child who doesn’t listen to me. Where are you located.? Would love to chat and pop in a couple of times a week.

  36. Julia says:

    I am 59 years old and lonely. I just recently lost my wonderful cat who was almost 19 years old. I had him since he was six weeks old. I am grieving for him. I have been alone for years except for my beloved cat. I am thin and like to walk and watch old movies. Go to the beach but I never like doing these things alone.

    • Irene says:

      The loss of a pet can be devastating. It sounds like you also depended on that sweet cat for companionship and holding some of your feelings of loneliness at bay. It’s going to take some time to get over the loss. Do you have any interest in adopting another cat? or perhaps, a dog to walk with?

      There may be some movie-lovers in your community. You might check with your local library or online at meetup.com to find out.

      I’m so sorry about your loss! Best, Irene

    • B says:

      Sorry to hear about your cat, its like losing your best friend when you loose a pet. Can you get another cat or a dog? there are absolutley loads in shelters that are desperate for a good home. You must be doing something right if youyr cat lived till 19!.My oldest cat was 17.
      If not what about volunteering at a shelter? you will be helping the animals and meeting new people.

  37. peter says:

    To the post above. I wondered onto this site because I am at my wits end with loneliness. There I said it, for the first time I actually said those words. I have an image of you and I in a social environment basically feeling the same as described. Would we talk? If so would we be able to find a comfort level to put down our guard and allow ourselves to open up? From experience I have had difficulty with this. I went away feeling like Either I or the other party set the bar to high for a casual chat. The end result is disappointment. A unnecessary fowl, don’t you? I think we are much more similar then not

    For instance. I am on social security disability, so money is I’m a little overweight 63 yrs. old but healthy I like having fun and am playful. I am sincere honest and caring. I feel with this profile I don’t have a chance of ever meeting someone. I think I don’t hit any markers a women wants. Yet I have female friends who will dispute this but I’m convinced it is. I have had to learn to appreciate the things everyone else takes for granted. I still have good relations with me adult children. My biggest blessing. Loneliness is challenging and I wish I had a trustworthy companion to partner with.

    • Pam says:

      I am on social security disability, so money is not really there I’m a lot overweight 60 yrs. old but not healthy why bother once I am gone I won’t bother anyone. I still have good relations with me adult children. I live with 2 daughters and 3 grandsons which are my biggest blessing. Loneliness is challenging and I wish I had a trustworthy companion to partner with. It seems people would rather go to a nursing home to be care for until they die I just don’t understand.

      • Brenda Skeen says:

        Hello Pam

        Have just read your post and felt the need to say hello to you.I am 65 ,and in similar situation as yourself,little income,not too good health although I do live on my own and manage day to day life. This lonliness is awful, and while i have no answers at the moment to change my situation i want you to know that your not alone . Thank you for taking the time to read this.

        Brenda

    • Helen says:

      I feel the same way, Peter. I’d just like someone to chat with once in awhile. The past few years have been horrendous, loss of so many family members. I don’t see anyone saying where they are located. Where are you? Before you choose to answer: I just turned 70 this month and I had no one to celebrate with…though I did get a card from a cousin.

  38. DM says:

    I just have to state to posters and original questions, remember 50s and 60s is not old. Life expectancy is 80 or above in most developed countries, and even in centuries past at advanced ages there was still high chance of many years still ahead. While I am not there myself yet many family and friends are, and I see them only looking forward to what tomorrow holds and the years ahead as well as the present. Finding friends starts with being comfortable and happy with yourself.

  39. Nancy says:

    I have been co dependent with my 2 sons, because my husband passed away in January and my financial state has changed drastically. I do work and they both help with the house and mortgage so we San still live
    here. I also have a 93 year old dad I am attending to when he needs me. Life threw us a hard ball. My heart goes out to you.

  40. Connee says:

    I live in a very small town with nothing to do. I have been codependent on my adult children which is driving them away. I have my 88 year old dad to consider
    Help me I’m going crazy

    [Last name removed by moderator. To protect yourself from spammers, please do not post last names. Thanks! Irene]

    • Pam says:

      Know how you feel I thought I had one daughter left then I realized last night at dinner. Her body is there but her mind is far away in a book on her tablet. So I am talking to thin air.

    • Helen says:

      Could people put their cities/states in please? maybe some of us are close enough to visit!

      • Irene says:

        HI Helen,

        You are probably new here. Welcome!

        This site isn’t intended to match visitors, either for romantic or platonic reasons. I’ve repeatedly asked people NOT to post any identifying information because it makes you a target for scammers.

        Iff you want to connect with someone in real life, you can do that through a special group page I’ve set up on Facebook. See:http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/something-new-check-out-friendship-blog-connection-facebook/

        There are currently 723 members in this closed group!

        Thanks for your cooperation! Best, Irene

        • Helen says:

          Thank you. I really wasn’t trying to connect romantically, I just thought if some of us were close by each other we could get to be friends.

  41. Single 45 says:

    To Renee102254
    I am a dog lover
    I love old movies from the 40’s 50’s and 60′
    I like Gospel , Christian and music from the 70’s and 80’s mostly light rock, pop music and r&b. Groups like Journey, Chicago, Hall and Oaks, I like Whitney Huston, Anita Baker.
    Lastly I hate cancer. I lost my mom one year 5 months ago to Lung cancer. Thanks for sharing this is a good way to open up.

  42. Elizabeth says:

    The best place for lonely people to make friends is at church. People greet each other, small chat, activities, volunteer, men’s group, women’s groups, youth groups. If you don’t see someone that is completable then you may enjoy the service and may feel more fulfilled after the praise and worship.

  43. Renee102254 says:

    I LOVE OLD MOVIES 1930 1940
    SOFT JAZZ
    CAT LOVER
    I HAVE LUNG CANCER

  44. Rose says:

    I have been a divorced woman for 6 years and moved to a new town. Can’t keep a job, can’t meet good people, can’t meet a man and I’m very unhappy and lonely. I have a MS in Psychology and can not find a job that takes a Masters.

    I have lots of experience and feel sad!

    How do I get help for this?

    Rose

    Last name removed by moderator. Please do not use last names to protect yourself from spammers. Thanks! Irene

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