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High school friendship: Take one day at a time

October 23, 2016 | By | 3 Replies Continue Reading
A young woman worries that her closest high school friendship is at risk after school ends.

QUESTION

Hi,

I’m in my last year of high school and my best friend is a boy. He is a dancer and I know he will get really far in life. I’m going to be so happy for him, but when we leave school, I’m worried he won’t talk to me ever again and he will just move on.

I have had really bad experiences with friendships and I don’t know whether I should talk to him about it or just see where it goes. Maybe I’m scared or maybe I just don’t want to lose the friend who’s supported me the most.

Signed, Abby

ANSWER

Hi Abby,

As you know, not all high school friendships are long lasting. That’s because the transition from high school to college is a big one. It entails major changes and challenges, both emotional and practical.

As students pursue different paths after graduation, they no longer get to see each other on a day-to-day basis. Many move to other geographic areas to take advantage of educational or vocational opportunities. They tend to assume new responsibilities as they become more independent of their families.

It’s great that you’ve made a close friend during your high school years but it’s premature (and not very helpful) to worry about what will happen at the end of this academic year. In terms of this friendship, my suggestion would be to take one day at a time, see where you and your friend land up after graduation, and then decide together when and how the friendship should be pursued after that.

One other thought: Limiting yourself to one friend is dangerous. If that friendship changes, it leaves you with no one else to turn to. Also, it may make you act overly clingy to the one friend you have. Try to be open to new friendships in and out of school, both now and after graduation.

Hope this helps.

Best, Irene

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Category: KEEPING FRIENDS

Comments (3)

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  1. Guadalupe says:

    I have two other friends Zoe and Natalie and I have know Zoe for 3 years but then last year we both met Natalie so now all 3 of us are friends. But Natalie and Zoe are calling each other best friends and me and Zoe are best friends. It now that we met Natalie I have been feeling left out. They walk home together and they have so much fun without me but me and Zoe go to the mall and movies. But I feel left out because their calling each other best friends and that their twins and stuff like. I really need advice about this.

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  2. Amy F says:

    Your friendship might or might not end. It will definitely change. I worry that your fears will prevent you from enjoying the time you have now. Sometimes worrying about the future can impact the present and even result in the fear coming true. Use this year as an opportunity to nurture bit just this friendship, but your other relationships. This will be good practice for forming new friends in college and beyond. Social skills will help you in school, the work place, in your family and with your neighbors. Senior year is a great time for trial and error, brcaud you won’t see the same people every day after this school year. If you make new friends, you can work to keep therm. If not, you don’t have to see the people again.

  3. Irene (not the Moderator) says:

    I would agree with the other Irene – also, as we get older, and hopefully wiser, we change. What was perfectly okay when we were 15, 17, whatever, no longer applies as we get into our 20s and older. That is not to say you can’t keep the friendship going – you might meet up later in life and continue where you left. Or – you may have found friends that are more in tune with how you have developed over the years.

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