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In the Media – Getting over getting ghosted (Headspace.com)

October 8, 2016 | By Continue Reading

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Headspace (screenshot)

Headspace (screenshot)

It’s tough getting over getting ghosted.

On the website Headspace, Susan Johnston Taylor writes about “How To Get Over Getting Blown Off.”

Whether it’s a platonic relationship or a romantic one, it’s hard to regain your composure after you’ve been “ghosted.” You’ve been summarily dumped by someone else without having any say in the matter, and you may not even know why. The silence from your once-friend or lover can be deafening.

She interviewed The Friendship Doctor and writes:

“The ending of any friendship is always a disappointment,” says Irene S. Levine, a psychologist and author of “Best Friends Forever: Surviving A Break-Up With Your Best Friend.” “The closer the friendship was, the worse the hurt if it ends. But it is especially painful when a friendship ends unilaterally without having had the opportunity to participate in the decision.”

But Levine says we only think we need closure. “Often the reason for the breakup has more to do with the other person than it does with them,” she explains. “Or, it may be an issue of timing.”

Then Johnston Taylor offers four practical tips for getting over getting a cold should from a friend or lover. These include: adjusting expectations, not taking it personally, resisting the impulse to obsess, and re-engaging with life.

Click here to read the Headspace article in its entirety.

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Category: HANDLING BREAKUPS, IN THE MEDIA

Comments (6)

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  1. Sara G. says:

    I agree with the other comment. Never lie to your kids.
    2. You have to confront her. OT may be a total misunderstanding. Maybe it’s the end. You’ll never know unless you ask.

    Good luck.

  2. having been ghosted says:

    I had a very close friend mom friend for 6 years that I would talk and text with almost every day. Our daughters are best friends, and our families would travel together. In the last few months, there has been growing tension between us. She started hanging out with my good friends and would exclude me from outings (lovely). She became less responsive and even was short and rude with me while at a friend’s house one night. We seemed to work through that event, but all of a sudden, she has completely stopped returning texts or calls. She will only respond if it’s in response to a carpool and has turned down all invites and attempts to meet up. It is so awkward when we see each other, and it’s clear that something happened in the last two weeks but I don’t know what. She has no interest in talking with me or if I’m even around. This has been heartbreakingly painful and I’m afraid that if I confront her, that we will be done. She has moved onto another mom friend, and seems to not care at all about me. Do I just let this go or is confronting her helpful? I’m so sad about it and have to lie to my daughter that things are fine.

    • LauraSL says:

      Why do you have to lie to your daughter?

      • Having been ghosted says:

        I feel like I have to pretend that things are fine between us so that she doesn’t feel uncomfortable.

        • Kalisa says:

          I’m in somewhat of a similar situation. I wrote a letter to my friend expressing the hurt and confusion that I feel and have yet to send it. I am unsure whether to send it and therefore give her the opportunity to give me the opportunity to resolve things or whether to just let things go. The last relationship I had that ended like this I just didn’t say anything and I wish that I had done something to try to resolve it. On the other hand, I feel that sending the letter would potentially create drama. I don’t have a child involved but it would be hard to see her get caught up in everything. The fact that this person is behaving this way toward you (pretty immature and reminiscent of high school) would make me wary of adding any fuel to the fire. Adults can be nasty even towards kids and I don’t know that i would want to risk it. One thing to think about is maybe you’re having this experience so you can teach your child about how to deal with these situations. Perhaps rather than hiding it from her you could tell her about it and show her by example the best way to handle things. That would be love, forgiveness and moving on. Best of luck to you!

          • Having been ghosted says:

            Thanks for the response. I’m sorry if you are having similar issues because it’s very painful. I have tried killing her with kindness by inviting her over and I even asked her to lunch last week. She has not responded and has started pulling her daughter away from mine a bit too. I like your advice about it being a teaching moment. I have talked with my daughter about it in the last few weeks, and had her arrange her play dates directly with her friend, which has been fine. I’m not sure what is going on with my friend, but I’m starting to think it’s her loss and that I want healthy, supportive people in my life and that she just can’t measure up. Again, this has been very painful to accept but I don’t want to keep going through this. Life is too short, and who knows how this will unfold. But I agree, sometimes direct confrontation will slam the door shut instead of just pulling it closed slowly, with the possibility of reopening if things change down the road. Good luck to you too!

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