If a friend is acting distant, giving you the cold shoulder, and you care about the friendship, it makes sense to find out what’s going on.
I have a long history with unsuccessful friendships, sometimes by my choice but often theirs. This has been a great source of pain for me and my usual response is to do nothing.
Currently, the woman whom I consider my only close friend has been avoiding me. We haven’t gotten together in two months and have texted each other just a few times. The last few times we did get together she invited her neighbor/friend to come along with us.
I’m wondering if I should say something to her or just let it go. It would be very scary for me to ask her but she really is the only friend I have so I know I have nothing to lose. If I should say something, what would it be?
I find myself feeling a bit angry as I can’t think of what I’ve done but I’ve got to say at one time or another in our eighteen-year friendship, I have probably been or done all of the things mentioned in other posts: been negative, talk too much, been needy/have too many problems, etc. so I do understand if she wants to be done. I really miss having someone to talk to.
If you have a history of “unsuccessful friendships” and have one close friend whom you have known for 18 years, you need to give this friend—and yourself—the benefit of the doubt that this friendship is worth saving. If she’s upset, hopefully, it’s something that has happened fairly recently rather than her accumulating a bunch of old hurts.
Yes, having a gut feeling that your friend is avoiding getting together and having her invite another person when you finally do may suggest she wants some distance from your friendship.
Yes, it is scary to ask why she’s acting distant when there is a good chance she’ll have something negative to say about you. But remember, nobody is perfect. And, would you want to lose this friendship without knowing why?
Try to let go of the anger, which is more likely to be your feelings of disappointment, and tell her that you miss her friendship. Ask her directly if you have done anything to upset her because if you did, it certainly wasn’t intentional.
There are three possibilities:
1) She may have other things going on that have nothing to do with you, and may not realize she has been distant.
2) She may be upset with something that occurred between you, and it might be something that you could change or adjust to preserve the relationship.
3) She may want to end the friendship.
Given the possibilities, it seems to me that saying something is better than saying nothing and letting the friendship escape from you.
Hope this helps!
Sites That Link to this Post
- I Won't Ask You Why You're Separated Or Your Baby Died | mohanalakshmi.com | September 16, 2013
- A Friend | davidwilliams18 | August 28, 2013