What do you do when your friend trivializes your problems?
This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Suzanna 1 year ago.
November 27, 2012 at 5:10 pm #72721
I’m sorry–this was really mean of her to say. She did trivialize your feelings. I would be tempted to talk to her about it. I know that would be hard, and hard for me to do. Another thing I take exception to is saying that it would be worse to have no husband. I have never been married, and I don’t consider that to be a bad thing at all.
November 27, 2012 at 10:14 pm #72776
In my opinion, your friend does not understand what you are going through, as she has never experienced it herself. So that is why she “pooh-poohed” your situation. She is not intentionally being mean; she just doesn’t have a clue. Unfortunately, not everyone is as sympathetic or understanding as we would like them to be.
I think you should seek professional help because it will do you good to talk to someone about your marital problems and even your best friend. You will not feel so alone, and it will take all this weight off your shoulders.
November 28, 2012 at 9:04 am #72858
Wow. Did you get any sort of validation from this “friend”? Any ounce of sympathy?
I totally understand why you feel hurt. I’ve never been married but I lived with a man and I know how hard it is when things are going south. A friend is (supposedly) someone you can talk to without fear of judgment or ridicule. Someone you can trust and open up to. If you are facing divorce, that is a BIG deal. Many women go to their female friends to talk relationship stuff over. In my life, I have benefitted tremendously from having female friends there for support during relationships problems. Regarding a marriage in trouble, there is a reason for that saying “divorce is worse than death”. Especially when there are children involved.
If you want to salvage the friendship, I would either tell her you have to talk to her or write her a note and explain why you were really hurt by her reaction. Actually, talking in person is probably the best. Be sure to say how much you care about her and value the friendship and use “I feel” statements rather than “you really hurt my feelings when you….” If she is still not willing to see your side, then she is not a friend – or at least, she is not someone that I would want to be “friends” with.
I agree it is best to also find a professional to talk to while you are going through this hard time in your marriage. Good luck!
November 28, 2012 at 6:32 pm #72916
I totally understand where you are coming from…I shared with a close friend some family issues, her reaction ended our 3 year friendship..I know myself well enough, that I would not be able to confide/trust this friend again, so I slowly distanced myself. To be honest, I never even contemplated should I or shouldn’t I…I didn’t talk to her about it, because there was nothing she could have said that would have explained her statements well enough that I could move forward in the same fashion. If someone confides in me a painful situation or experience, I do not respond with indifference, even if the person regularly has a ‘crisis’, I just slowly spend less time…I do not send a message your problem is silly… Just my opinion, but most women have the maturity to recognize the pain marriage struggles cause, and the fact that she basically tried to just minimize your situation just seems very insenstive..did her reaction sursprise you? had you seen this insensitivty before?