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"Too Nice"

This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Rabbit 4 months ago.

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  • #180302

    T
    Participant

    What’s your definition? What kinds of dysfunctional people are attracted to “too nice”? How to still be nice but not get taken advantage of? Why do we even worry about being “too nice”? Would like thoughts and theories! Thanks!


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  • #180312

    CrystalBallGazer
    Participant

    Well I have experienced this a few times in recent years. I am a very friendly person who can talk to anyone, even someone I dont know. I have been told I’m a very nice person who is easily approachable. I have also been joked with and friends have said at times although Im nice,Im a bit naive and a wee bit gullible because I have taken people at face value.
    But after being burnt a few times I figured out that you can meet some really dodgy people out there who dont even seem like it.Some are very seasoned users,and are good at hiding the real person from you. Being too nice can attract flies. For me it attracted quite few dregs,people who had a lot of personal problems, maturity problems and because they had so many problems, they ended up latching onto me as I am a very organised person who is well grounded etc. People who are idiots do gravitate to stable people and being too nice is a way into your life.
    I am now in my mid 40s and I am very careful who I am friends with after a few disasters in about the last 7 years, which led me to off loading a few morons. Looking back I think I was an easy target because I was too nice,when I should have had more of a guard up to start with…..the biggest thing I have learnt is that horrible people are not walking around like witches in pointy hats waiting to grab you with their pointy long fingers……they can be the nicest and pleasant people you could ever meet,as they look for their next victim….and there are many out there….users come in many shapes and forms….being too nice makes it very easy for them.


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  • #180332

    Socialite
    Participant

    For me, being “too nice” to the point of it being a negative quality, means you have poor boundaries and the give and take in your relationships with other people is off balance. These are the so called people pleasers who are too ready to inconvenience themselves in order to make others happy. It’s all about balance actually.

    If you do something for another person, even though it puts you in some sort of an inconvenience, and the other person probably wouldn’t bother to do a favor of the same “weight” for you, or hasn’t proven to “deserve” a favor of that sort, then you’re probably being too nice.

    For example, if a close friend, who has been there for you through tough times, and has proven his value to you, calls you drunk in the middle of the night, because he needs help to get back home, then helping him would be the right thing to do. But if someone you work with and hardly ever speak to, calls you with the same request, because they know you can’t say “no”, then you have a problem.

    And people who are “too nice” are most obvious in much more trivial situations. For example you’re hanging out with friends and someone wants beer, so you get up and bring them beer, because they are further from the fridge. Nope. Get yourself your own beer 🙂

    One problem people who are “too nice” fail to see is that others may or may not like them for their people pleasing behavior, but even those who do like them, probably don’t respect them much.


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  • #180348

    Rabbit
    Participant

    When you feel some kind of shift in your mood from good to uncomfortable.

    Maybe you feel slightly annoyed angry, frustration, or any other negative emotion when someone asks something of you. Than that is your personal boundaries being violated.

    It could be someone asking a favor of you, making a comment about your appearance, or maybe they asked a personal question.

    If you don’t listen to your own feelings and decide to do something for someone, let a rude comment slide, or answer a personal question you were not prepared to answer, than you are setting yourself up for being taken advantage of by a more assertive person who lacks good manners and respect.


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