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stopped giving, now no friends

This topic contains 7 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  B 3 days, 16 hours ago.

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  • #180562

    Shellyanne
    Participant

    I stopped it all! Stopped giving rides, money, being the initiator of all things social, stopped being the first to call or text, stopped doing favors, stopped pretending things didn’t bother me. All friends have gone. Is everyone just a selfish user?!


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  • #180567

    CrystalBallGazer
    Participant

    Sadly life is full of user friends and they are not worth your time. At least you found out what they really are so you can get rid of them and begin again and find better people and this will happen,it just takes time. Take your time to get to know the new ones when you do and be a bit tougher when it comes to friends,otherwise they can and will walk all over you.Sadly there are many of these types around. Dont worry,your life is on a new and different path now,and its for the better…. 🙂


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  • #180581

    lottie
    Participant

    Hi Shellyanne,

    Sadly people are getting more greedy. I truely think it is caused by bad parenting. They think of themselves of wants and then it carries on down the line of turning into takers. It is I think pure greed. Doubtful will it get better.

    I have had a similar experience where all think “Lets use the Bank of Lottie”.
    Well that closed down and so called friends almost seem offended when my purse stays shut. One person even confronted me with …well you have more money than me so you should pay.Also I have had …well you are married. So they expect that I should always pay. Sorry that stopped along time ago.I no longer have as many friends but lets say they are quality rather than quantity the ones I have kept.I like you stopped offering.

    If you ever get together with the non desirables , please for your own sanity and PLEASURE do not have too much money in your purse,and stop being dial a ride.As times passes you will feel better, I promise.At the moment it is fresh hurt you are feeling. As it fades life will brighten.
    Enjoy the New Year and the new you. Take care Lottie


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  • #180628

    CrystalBallGazer
    Participant

    I dont actually think that greedy people automatically come from bad parents. I have met some greedy people who take advantage of others who have had good parents, who have brought them up well, yet down the path somewhere they decided the world owes them something.Some people are seasoned manipulators who seek out kind vulnerable people they know they can bludge off because they know those people will give in easily and feel sorry for them. I had an ex friend who had actually come from a nice humble home,where her parents werent rich and they worked hard to send their kids to school and Uni etc.Yet this person somehow grew up thinking that somehow if another person has more than her,then they should just pay for her or they owe it to her in some way to help her out,when she was perfectly capable of helping herself out.She went onto marrying a total loser guy who thought the same.She treated her siblings as if they should just help her or pay for her if they were more wealthy than she was.Ironically she was the failure of them all. I realised over many years I had been the one to pay for lunch on every outing even if it was only a couple of times a year and I was the transport too. She made no effort to contribute anything always promising,but it never happened. At first I felt sorry for her because she always professed to have no money and it was always someone elses fault.They even hinted at me helping them with mortgage payments sometimes,yet they smoked and drank alcohol and both worked?. I never gave them any money as I didnt think I should have to,I told her to sell the home if she could no longer afford it.In the end I decided I had enough of her sponging off me and always promising to make the effort to contribute but it never happened. I decided she really was only out for herself and I couldnt be bothered anymore.So I ghosted her and told her I was really busy and got rid of her in the end.She was quite obnoxious to her own family when they tried to explain she needed to pay for herself,so I didnt bother trying to explain. Im sure she lost many other friends this way.
    So I think people can come from good homes, its just the path they choose to take when they are adults.People can come from bad homes and choose to be good to others. People know right from wrong,its what they choose to do that defines them.


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  • #180710

    T
    Participant

    Not everyone is greedy but if you are an over-giver over-accomodater you wil attract users. Just like the other post where the poster described being desperate to keep a friend who coudln’t give two hoots about her and hung with other friends, only using her to vent, etc. A good friend doesn’t ask you for constant favors, money or material items. If you find a friend starts hitting you up for these things on a regular basis DITCH THIS PERSON. Start using the word NO more often. Don’t be a dumping ground for someone’s problems, don’t be their free bartender/shrink/mommy figure whatever. Friends should be about spending time together with equal give or take. I think if this friendship site should be about anythign it should be about helping people find good self esttem so that they attract HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS! Maybe more articles about what makes a healthy friend or frienship, Irene?


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  • #180760

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Shellyanne,

    I applaud you for stopping. I am a walking example of what happens when you tolerate too much: You end up with these people too involved in your life.

    Not everyone is a selfish user, but I my theory is that it’s easier to find selfish users, because people do grow tired of them and drop them–as you have done–so they are out there looking for other marks.

    Since you are sensitized to being used, I think you will now start to meet some good people, if you are willing to take a little time. Do take that time, and even if you end up with only one or two good friends, they will be worthwhile people.


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  • #180882

    tammy
    Participant

    Now that you have a backbone you will attract a new type of friend, all around better people. You took the first step. It’s hard to start fresh but very much worth it.


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  • #181682

    B
    Participant

    I think no one should be asking for favours unless its an absolute life or death matter and that people should never ask to borrow money from friends.
    One of my old friends hinted very heavily about borrowing £3,000 british pounds. I ignored it and thank God I did because when I had a crisis she didnt want to know and dumped me. I’d have never got that money back.
    Not everyone fortunatley asks for favours and money and I think if you keep things very light/casual with friends and have good boundaries then you have less chance of being taken for a ride.
    I also think you will attract better people in the future and if they start taking the mickey by asking for things then put your foot down straight away.


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